Date: Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:45:33 -0500
From: Sean E <ekidky@hotmail.com>
Subject: The Bully and the Bullied - Part 14

DISCLAIMER: If you shouldn't be reading this - then don't get caught!  This
is a short story involving boys who are coming-of-age and the things boys
get into, including sexual situations, confused feelings, etc.  It is my
first attempt at fiction, having written only one other series based on my
experiences growing up, titled "Life's Road of Discoveries" (also found on
Nifty in the [Young Friends] section, early 2008).

This series has no basis in truth, whereas all characters and situations
are fictional - any resemblance in real life is purely coincidental.  Based
on an era from the mid-1970', it will spread out over 12-14 chapters (Yeah,
I missed my original estimate of 9-10, as I have some more things that need
to happen before I conclude it.  :o)

So this is it - the conclusion.  It is my sincere hope that those of you
who take to this and read it through will enjoy it.  As always, any
feedback is welcome (to EKidKy@hotmail.com).


The Bully and the Bullied
Part Fourteen -- My World Was Hollow, But Now No Longer
------------------------------------------------------

    "Now, pull'er back tight like that, son - yah, that's right, now hold
her!"

    Stan's instructions were easier said than done as Jeremy held onto the
tool with all his might, stretching the rug between himself and the burly
man kneeling on the other side of the seam.  He ignored the 'son'
reference, though annoyed, by passing off the fact the old man was just
that - a man brought up and seeing things as only one of his position and
age would, that all humans were referenced as a figure of speech.  Michael
and Thomas were quickly scrambling behind him as well, helping the older
boy hold the carpet in place while the black man tacked the edge in place.
They each grunted, pulling with all their combined might until the older
black man finally waved them off, signaling all clear for the moment.

    It turned out that Stan worked part time with his own son doing various
carpet and flooring installations for one of the local galleries in town.
This discovery was made by pure accident by both Carolyn and Linda as they
entered the gallery one afternoon, looking to find something they could
work within their budget for the downstairs rooms.  As they were looking
over the offerings, both the burly man and his son had just returned from a
job when they caught sight of one another and launching into a friendly
conversation.  After catching up on the news, Stan learned of their recent
purchase of the house and was momentarily saddened at the prospect the
families would be leaving his bus route.  Still, he smiled at them as he
began to understand what was happening, and offered to do his best to help
them in any way he could.  It was then the store manager came by, and
without any hesitation he pulled the man aside and whispered some
instructions, which in turn had the man making an incredibly good offer to
the women on the purchase they were contemplating.  When they hesitated, he
explained the installation would be done for free, courtesy of the bus
driver team, and after learning who they were he was giving them an extra
discount.  Anything to help the young Riddle youth, he proclaimed.

    Blessed with their good fortune, the ladies thanked the men and went
about other necessary business.  That had been two weeks before, and now
that school was out, all three boys had been drafted by the women to assist
in the task of getting it in place - one which they didn't seem to mind at
all.  Most of the upstairs had already been completed, and much of the
furniture had already been moved into place.  All that lacked was this
task, and getting the boys set up in their new dwellings.  Everyone was
keyed up, especially Jeremy as given the prospect of being able to get into
his own room.  He never complained, nor would he have ever voiced a word on
the matter.  To him, if he had been stuck on the couch another two years,
he would have gladly endured it for all its worth - realizing how lucky he
was to even be here.  Now, however, the prospect of having at least a
little more privacy was giving way to the fact he would have his own room -
and one of considerable size at that.

    Since summer vacation had began, each of the boys had heartily
committed themselves to odd jobs around the new property, painting and
doing various cleanup work.  The place had livened up considerably with the
lighter tones and work everyone had put in. In addition, Kevin and Austin
had also joined the group most of the time, helping out equally as the rest
and between the five of them along with te effort of Michael and Thomas's
mothers, the place took on a personality of its own.  Thomas proved he
could paint as well as his drawings would lend, using simple painted walls
and artistic patterns in other places that impressed everyone at how
professional-looking it turned out.  He also worked mural-like drawings
into their bedroom walls, oversized views of lakes and forests with animals
and the like.  Jeremy, whose room was the largest he had ever had in his
life, was awed by the imagery, and as he was allowed to purchase his own
furnishings using his own money, he bought not only himself but for the
other boys as well, nightstands and lamps that accented the rooms, as well
as new bean bags and pillows for all.

    Michael and Thomas would continue sharing a room, but now with a
queen-sized bed and much more room - with newly added closets - to
individually store their belongings.  At first the women had suggested twin
beds, or even two full-sized beds, but both boys quickly dispelled the
idea.  It was Michael who sat down with his Mom late one evening and told
her how he felt about Thomas, and although he was guarded in his words
about how close they really were, it was he who convinced not only her but
Thomas's mother as well that, as long as Thomas agreed - they would be
fine.  They were now brothers of a sort, and neither was afraid of the
other in any way.  Thomas ended up reiterating the feelings by standing by
his friend and giving him a hug in front of the women, a curious gesture,
but one which both ladies had already come to an understanding with as they
exchanged their own knowing glance.  They agreed, and had actually
attempted to find a king-sized bed, but found the cost was too prohibitive
for the time being.

    Other select people in the community were getting in on the act as
well.  Carolyn's colleagues at work, both the doctor and his wife, and some
of the other nurses had began either donating items or providing various
housewarming gifts.  There was everything from a partial new bedroom suite
for Jeremy, new desks for the boys, clothes and other miscellaneous items
common to decorating and filling the needs of a new house.  The outpouring
from the community was both overwhelming and surprising to the band of
five.  Although Carolyn and Michael had accumulated items throughout their
lives together, much of it was beginning to show with age and wear; towels,
cloths and rugs were threadbare; glasses, cups and plates were parts of
incomplete sets, many of which had been broken or chipped throughout the
years.  Neither had ever complained, both knowing they were living decently
within their means, and both knowing those items didn't make a home.  With
what few resources Linda and Thomas had brought with them, which were
meager at best, and with now an extra teen in the house who required
support, those items were fast approaching a point where they needed
replacing or updating.

    This is where the community helped them the most.  It was hard times in
most areas of the country, with the government nearly crippled by an
economy where the rate of inflation ran amok.  Lower income families relied
on what they could, stretching their dollars as far as they could go with
such uncertainty riding on the future.  Carolyn and her son were no
different; for years, her income gave them enough to avoid hunger and keep
a dry roof over their heads, but banding that lifestyle with anything of
wants was difficult.  Now, thanks in part to Stan and the Mathews, the
community responded to all of them.  Most of the area learned of Jeremy's
story, and the happy ending it had brought with a price, and before long
collections and showers were held at their churches and other places to
help not just him, but the entire family.  The new family of five was
humbled by the help, and soon came to realize the generosity the people
offered was offered in the same tone.  They were glad of Jeremy's safe
outcome, and of the bright future he would now have hope for.

    Last but not least, Jeremy had been given another surprise during the
bid.  As it turned out, the farm his old man had been up keeping did have
most of the taxes paid up, and without any other recourse he was set to
inherit it when - as determined by the local judge - he turned 18 years of
age.  Provided, of course, he could make arrangements with the banks to
handle the issue of the taxes over the long haul.  It got better though;
through Linda's connections in the county offices, the taxes were waived
for the young man for not only the coming 3 years it would take, but an
additional 2 as well, should he decide to try and make a go of it himself.
If not, he could sell the land at any time, pay the bill and pocket the
remainder - as college savings or however else he so wished when he turned
of age.  His head spinning, he had to sit down that day, realizing suddenly
120 acres of land were now deeded to him.  His friends clasped him on the
back, and he smiled with them at the thought, but it would take some time
for it to sink in.  That's when, guessing his reaction, Carolyn whispered
into his ear "That's why you have to wait until you're 18 - we'll all help
you figure it out, but in good time.  Right now just relax - it's all yours
honey, every last bit of it."  He grinned at her for that, and the hug that
followed conveyed everything could.  He couldn't let go, and it took more
hugs and lots of laughter and back-slapping before that evening returned to
normal.

    "Not bad, boys... not bad at all!" declared the big man as he surveyed
their results in the open room.  "See?  Ye can't really tell where the rugs
meet up, and that's what you want!"  Looking around, he grinned at the trio
as his own son started silently collecting their tools.  They had been at
it for a little over three hours now, and the excitement culminated as they
observed their handiwork.  They were now done, finished! With that fact and
receiving Stan's praise for a job well done, they each swelled with pride
as they gathered scraps and plastic before heading back up the steps.  At
one point they all paused after hearing an odd noise emanate from Jeremy,
one which made them all laugh and he himself turn a slight shade of pink
with embarrassment.  "Sorry, I guess I'm hungry..."

    "Yeah, I can see y'all gettin that way," the elderly black man laughed
when the others piped up in giggles.  As they walked outside, depositing
their goods either in the nearby garbage cans or the back of Stan's truck,
he grinned at them.  "Tell you what boys, if you don't mind ridden with us
poor old black folks here, what say we jest load up and go down to the
Dairy Queen, my treat."

    The boys looked towards Michael, who laughed but then hesitated.  "Umm,
I dunno Stan, I mean, Mom will be here soon, and..."

    "Et's alright Michael, I don't think yer mother will panic if she don't
find yez here for a bit.  We'll bring you boys back here before we head
home.  If you want though, go in there and write her a quick note."

    At the urging of the others, he conceded and within moments they were
heading into town, the three boys riding in the back of the truck silently
watching the landscape go by.  For some people of that day and age, it
might have looked funny; although racism was greatly reduced and toleration
was of a better order, there were still those who only practiced it as
necessary.  Still, the boys could care less - Stan and his son was their
friends, and they would stand with them any day through thick or thin.

    It was a new experience in a sense, driving through the new roads and
area, as the new house was on a different side of town than what the boys
had been used to traveling before.  Michael was thinking as they whipped
along that it would be cool when they could get out their bikes and check
out their new surroundings at a more leisurely pace.  He commented as much
to Thomas, who readily agreed.  "I'll miss the stream, though - you got to
admit, the night we camped out was pretty cool."

    Michael nodded and smiled, remembering the fun of the place.  "Who
knows, maybe we'll have some other places that will be cool, too."

    Jeremy, who had been listening, nodded in agreement.  "Probably; I know
one thing that will be good - Kevin and Austin will be a lot closer."

    Thomas looked surprised.  "Really?"

    "Yeah, they live only a couple miles from the new place."

    Thomas grinned at that, something that Michael noticed curiously, but
dismissed for the time being as they pulled into the restaurant parking
lot.  As they were climbing out of the truck however, Michael sensed
something had suddenly and irrevocably changed.  Glancing around, he saw
that Thomas was still seated, staring unmoving off to the opposite side of
the parking lot.  Following his gaze, Michael's brow became furrowed in
curiosity until he decided his friend was looking hard at an older pickup
truck parked down at the end of the lane.  When seconds passed and the boy
still had not moved, he spoke up.  "What's up man?"

    Jeremy had noticed the exchange as well, and after initially coming to
the same conclusion as the other boy, stopped and spoke up.  "Isn't that
your Grandpa's truck?" he asked quietly.  Thomas slowly nodded in agreement
as Stan and his son emerged from the cab.  He looked reluctantly at the
older man, something that made the elder fellow pick up on the change in
mood quickly.  It wasn't until Michael stepped up and quietly explained, in
part, about what had went on before Stan exclaimed, "Russell Wilson?  Your
Grandpa?  You sure you boys haven't made some mistake?"  They all shook
their heads and then Stan looked onward thoughtfully.  It was a full minute
before he slowly shook his head and turned to the still seated boy.  "Well,
I knew this was coming in a way, I guess.  I been meaning to talk to you a
bit sometime about it.  This isn't the first I heard you had a rough time
at your Grandpa's place."  When Thomas nodded, though surprised, the old
man sat down on the already lowered tailgate, causing the vehicle to groan
quietly at the sudden change in weight.  His son stood nearby as Stan
gathered his thoughts.

    "I'll be honest up front - I don't know how things was for you son, but
- I did hear a few things here and there, and your mother and I had a talk
a few weeks ago up at the shop.  Seems to me she was pretty surprised by
some of the things I told her, so I'm guessing you might be a little
surprised by them, too.  See, your Grandpa, he was drafted into the war
from a home with two other brothers, all about the same time I reckon if my
memory serves me right."

    "What, Vietnam or...?" Thomas asked.  This was news to him because, out
of all the times he had been there, although there was talk occassionally
of war, Thomas had never known his grandfather was a veteran.

    "World War II to be exact.  See, I know this because I remember parts
of it pretty plain.  I was a lad, maybe 8 to 9 years old at the time. See,
back in those days, whole families went to fight, and a lot of families
lost children if not all of their young sons - and sometimes the girls, too
- due to the war.  So it was with your grand-daddy.  He was the only one to
come back from the war - both of his other brothers died, and he was left
to tend to the pieces left when his daddy was stricken with a heart attack
or something.  I had jest married I think, or was pretty close to it when
he came home.  It was strange times over there for a while.  He married
your grandma though, and they tried to make a living outta the old place.
Back then it wasn't bad land or anything, in fact I remember several
people's wishin they could have a place such as yorn.  Your Grandpa though
- well, something changed in him - something strange.  War can do that
sometimes, I guess, but he had never much been one for farming growing up,
then he got off to war and came back and would do nothing BUT farming, or
so he thought anyway.  So that was it - they took over the farm.  They had
one kid, your Daddy, although I did hear your grandma was often badgering
him for more.  He wouldn't do it though, and many thought maybe your daddy
came along as an accident.  Still, that's why you never got no aunts or
uncles from his side I guess."

    "Wait - what do you mean?" Thomas interrupted again.

    Stan sat thoughtful for a minute before he took a deep breath and let
it out slowly. "I don't know exactly, but you see, here's the funny part of
it - your Daddy, he never liked the farm.  Always had his sights and eyes
off in the distance to do something else, always looking and reading that
outer space stuff, you know what I mean; and for some reason your
Grand-daddy was furious about it, always on his case about it.  He made him
work harder, and longer, and I swear if it could have been, he would have
kept him outta school just to tend to the farm, but back in them days
things was a changin.  Kids had to go to school, and your grand-daddy was
left alone a lot of time to tend to things.  Anyways, your daddy, like I
said, always thinking, reading and writing goofy science stuff - he sort of
became a loner, and being a loner gives other kids ideas sometimes, if you
know what I mean.  He would talk funny, sometimes sensible and sometimes
just things way out in left field, you know?  Especially when he was young,
he would do goofy things at times, sometimes funny-funny, but other times
funny-strange.  No son, not like, girly funny or whatever you people calls
it now days, not faggish or anything - at least, I didn't think so.  Still
though, there were those who didn't quite see it like I did; I mean, he
rode my bus - I was juststarting to drive back then and I got my permit for
the bus and everything.  We talked every so often, me and your Daddy - I
got to know him better more or less, but there were those who didn't.  So
they picked on him a lot, and I think some of that got back to your
Grandpa.  The other kids, see - they blamed your Daddy for being in with
that funny crowd some, and when your Grandpa heard about it he went
ballistic!"

    Stan studied the boy for a moment.  "Well, time went on and your
Grandpa, see, finally confronted your Daddy one day right as he got off the
bus.  I remember the day - your Daddy got off the bus, must of been 16 or
17 at the time, and your Grandapa was waitin for him right at the mailbox.
They got into it as I was pullin away, and although I couldn't tll what
your grand-daddy said, your Daddy yelled pretty good loud enough for the
whol countryside to hear just then, something like your grandpa should mind
his own damn business, that if he didn't let up he'd show him what being
'funny' was all about.  See?  That's why I think some of what I just told
you, why Ithink some of it come about that way.  Well, that and some things
I've heard here and there down through the years.  That was the last day
your Daddy rode the bus, you know - I don't think I ever got to see him
again.  I heard later he still graduated school and was at that time
courtin your momma.  They married and had you, and then you probably know
about the rest from that point.  Your grand-daddy though, he never
recovered from that moment.  He was convinced of other things, for whatever
they were, and like I said, the war - it did something to him.  He couldn't
accept the fact he had a boy who wasn't all manly and everything, no matter
how hard he pushed your daddy to try and be.  I remember talks with your
daddy I had back then, he would be depressed a lot of days, quiet - always
had his head stuck in a book, you know?  Anyways, when your daddy died
suddenly, there you were all of a sudden, now living in your Grandpa's
house - and I suspect he tried to his best to make sure he was making a man
outta you.  Is that sort of what was going on?"

    Stan's question caught Thomas so off guard the boy sat stunned in
silence.  It was Michael who slowly nodded, answering for his friend as
Stan crossed his arms.  "Look, I won't tell you how to feel or live your
life with your Grandpa, but I will tell you this - you shouldn't be afraid
of him.  He had some reasons back then, whatever they were, but I'll bet
more than anything he was just afraid of you repeating whatever he failed
to do in the first place.  He is a big ball of wind to most people, and he
only scares you I bet because he is so much older and bigger - and old big
people have a wallop of a set of lungs, you know?"  He said that with a
grin, making the others smile as well.  "Your Grand-daddy, he'll come
around to you - no, I really believe that," he quickly added, seeing the
incredulous look cross the young boy's face as he held up his hand to hold
back the retort that was coming.  "He will come around eventually; you boys
just have to give him time.  He has a lot of hurt and a lot of memories
flooding him pretty deep right now - and something that deep, well, I'm
sorry he took it out on you, but it won't last forever.  Trust me on that.
I know because I saw him change over a period for the better, and I bet he
will do it again.  Just be patient with him, that's all.  Right now, I bet
you more than anything, we walk in there and he'll just ignore us."

    Thomas sat quietly for a moment ten looked up at the older man.  "You
really think so?"

    Stan smiled.  "I do son, honest to goodness.  I don't know how to
explain it I reckon, but sometimes - you just know how things work out with
people, and I've seen and heard things about your grand-daddy and grams
that, well, they got bigger hearts than you realize I think.  Sometimes us
old folks, well -" he hesitated then laughed at himself as he finished,
"Sometimes us old folks, we forget what it's like tobe young, I guess."

    Michael prodded his friend out of his thoughts.  "Come on, it'll be
okay, we'll be here with you."

    As Jeremy nodded, Thomas took a deep breath.  "Okay, I guess so..."
They exited the truck and started inside.

    Once there they spied the older Wilson in the far corner sitting alone,
looking thoughtfully out the far window, a half-eaten tray of food set
before him.  Although Thomas was aprehensive, he need not have worried.
The group ordered their food and sat together throughout the meal without a
single incident.  As they got up to leave, however, Thomas hesitated -
looking back to where his grandfather still sat, still lost in thought.  It
was at this point the boy's heart melted and, with a nervous glance at the
others, he slowly walked over the table where the man sat.

    When he stopped, he man seated before him started as if only then
realizing who was before him.  At first the man's eyes narrowed until they
focussed and realized who is visitor was, then changed to total surprize.
Stunned, he only gawked at the boy and sat speechless, unsure what to say.
It was Thomas, however, who spared him that moment when he reached in and
gave the man a quick, simple hug - an action that left th man in an even
more defenseless state as he was stunned by the action.  It took a few
seconds, but the man slowly put an arm around the boy and returned the
gesture, though now shakey and nervous himself.

    When Thomas finally pulled back, he stared into his grandfather's eyes
for a moment, seeing something different - seeing something he had never
notced before then.  He could have almost sworn he saw a note of regret
there - for what he could not be sure, but nevertheless he knew that now
was not the time to resolve it.  He smiled at the old man and then
wordlessly slipped away, sauntering out of the restaurant, the others
following behind.


    - + - + - + -

    "Do you think he was right? My Dad - was - maybe not gay or anything
but, what did he call it? Acting girlish and stuff?"

    The question came out from nowhere that night as Thomas and Michael lay
in their new bed in their new room.  His friend rolled over onto his belly
and propped himself up on his elbows, peering curiously at the other.
"That's what he said, but um, I bet it wasn't so much that."

    "How do you mean?"

    Michael studied for a second.  "You know, most guys wear caps and stuff
now, and always working on farms or dairy or stuff.  Bookworms don't do
that much, and some guys, well, you know - even you and me are diff to most
guys in school.  That just makes us diff, but not girlish or anything.  I
think Mom told me once about she had some friends in school that were that
way, and she called THEM that, you know?"

    "Oh," Thomas replied, rolling on his back.  After a moment he let go a
big sigh.  "Good, I'm glad."  Seeing his friend staring back at him, he
blushed.  "Sorry, it's just funny thinking my Dad might have been, you
know..."

    "A sissy? Well, he wasn't gay, or else you would never be here and I'd
probably be dead by now."

    "Dead?"

    Michael laughed.  "Yeah - they would have wrote 'Died of Boredom' on my
tombstone!"

    Although Michael laughed about it, Thomas didn't tink the idea was that
funny at all.  "Don't say stuff like that," he admonished his friend.

    The other quieted and looked at him curiously.  "It wouldn't matter
bro."

    There was something in the way his friend said it that made Thomas feel
uneasy.  He turned to stare at the boy for a moment before rolling away.
"Yes it would - don't say it!  I wouldn't be in any better shape without
you, you know!"

    Michael became thoughtful before replying, "Yeah you would," thinking
about how the boy and Kevin had been buddy-ing up as of late.  He himself
became wistful at the thought, his own feelings rising to trouble his
thoughts.

    Thomas, however, was annoyed.  With a certain amount of flare he
suddenly turned his back to his friend and drew the covers up, burying
himself underneath.  Michael slowly followed suit, and for some time both
lay without speaking again.  That in itself troubled Michael somewhat, but
after a time he felt Thomas shift and begin pushing his back against his
side.  Sighing with relief, he was glad he would not have to spend the
night alone and apart.  Slowly he returned the gesture and before long both
boys were in quiet sleep.  Maybe they couldn't agree on everything, but
they could still agree they loved each other enough to share what they had.

    At least to Michael, it felt that way to him...  For now...

    - + - + - + -

    Kevin had come across the yard at a run when he dismounted his bike,
greeting Thomas mid way in the late afternoon hot sun.  They had both
misjudged the distance on the slippery slope, as a thunderstorm had just
vacated the region leaving much of the yard wet for the moment.  They both
crashed, not able to stop from their advancement, both toppling into the
yard and laughing, although holding onto various parts of their bodies
where they had collided.  Austin had ridden up, albeit at a much safer
pace, and was laughing at their antics as was Jeremy who happened to be out
on the front porch standing with Michael.  Michael smiled at the collision,
but just shook his head as he plopped down on the nearby swing and began
drinking his lemonade.

    "You two goof balls!"

    The five hung out for the afternoon until yet another cloud began to
roll into the area from the distance.  Although it did not bring rain, it
looked menacing enough that Linda had feared for lightning or other stormy
effects enough to shoo them into the living room.  There they found a movie
to watch on TV, but eventually they became bored.  Although they tried
simple conversation, Austin and Jeremy ended up in their own little world
away from the other three.  In some way, Kevin and Thomas ended up in a
wrestling match, at first just arm wrestling but eventually it progressed
into more, with the two turning and maneuvering with each other in the
floor, mostly in one of the corners away from the furniture.

    Michael stared at the two in front of him, giggling at their antics
until after some time he suddenly froze. At first he was unsure at what he
saw, but as they continued Michaels whole demeanor changed. He watched as
they began grasping and groping for various holds, twisting underneath each
other.  It looked like innocent fun - enough so that Kevin's brother was
standing in the doorway to the kitchen, laughing and egging his brother on.
Jeremy glanced in from behind him, grimaced and then disappeared, and after
a few seconds the older Mathew's brother followed him.

    What had made Michael pause though was the fact that at certain times
he could see Kevin sporting a boner inside of shorts that were drawn tight
during the tussle - and he could see his friend, HIS Thomas, actually
grabbing their friend's crotch.  Watching the two, he noticed after a bit
that Kevin seemed like he was actually putting himself in the other boy's
way, like purposefully arranging it for Thomas to have his way if that were
possible.  As Michael observed the two of them, he watched their
expressions, watched their antics and with a sickening feeling, saw Kevin
actually trying to subtly return the favors to Thomas.

    Although the fun was discreet, and well covered by their actions, it
made Michael feel suddenly ill inside.  At first he wasn't sure why, but as
it continued he felt the pit of his stomach lurch and twist into a knot.
All he could feel - at the moment - was that something was changing,
something uncertain.  He glanced around the room just then, at the newly
painted walls and furniture, the strangeness of the surroundings crushing
in on him.  Suddenly nothing was familiar to him - gone was the old house
in the country and the room he had upstairs and the lone life he had been
leading for so long.  In its place were both new people and new
surroundings - and change.  It was a change that hit him hard and fast as
he returned his gaze to the two before him.  Two - friends.

    Or were they?

    "Hey, what's up?"

    Michael's mind suddenly back to the present to see Thomas and Kevin
both had stopped in mid-torture against the bean bag in the floor, both
staring intently at him. To cap the moment even more, they had frozen, and
none other than Thomas's hand was cupping the crotch of the other boy as
still as still life could imitate.  His friend wasn't grabbing Kevin's
inner leg or trying to lift the boy over or anything - instead it was a
full-handed grasp, molded around the obvious boner that was outlined
beneath.  The pit deepened with Michael's stomach as he looked at Thomas,
and then suddenly rose from the floor.  "You two... should... g-get, a
r-room I g-guess..."  As he spoke the words, hot tears started to sting at
his eyes, and he ran from the room, flying down the stairwell to the
basement below where his room waited him.  'His room?' He cringed as the
voice in the back of his head corrected him. 'THEIR room, not HIS room...'

    - + - + - + -

    "Mike, we need to talk a sec."

    The words were heavy, striking at the very core of his heart as he
faced his friend from just inside the doorway.  Thomas's throat had gone
dry, his palms sweaty.  In the instance of only a few minutes, he felt like
he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, and for once there was
no one to bear it with him.  As guilt ravaged him inside, he knew his
feelings could not stack up to what his best friend must now be feeling.
As he thought back over the last few weeks and the events that had led up
to only a few moments before, his life came suddenly into focus.  Gone was
the awkward shyness that had been so much a common part of his life, his
bashful outlook on everything; in its place, he was growing up, changing
and feeling more assured of himself.  He had felt for once in his life, he
actually had a purpose and a reason to keep on going.

    But not without Michael.

    "Mike, I can't - I don't know what to say, just - I'm... Okay, I'm an
idiot, I admit it."  There was a ring to his voice that betrayed a
heaviness in his heart, pulling him downward harder until he practically
dropped to his knees and sunk to the floor midway to the bed where his
friend sat.  His eyes moist, a single tear escaped and fell down his left
cheek.  When his friend wouldn't even turn and face him, his voice cracked
and a small whimper escaped as he fought hard to fight back a flood of more
tears trying to escape.

    It was this though, that made a change in the boy before him.  Michael
sniffed before slowly turning away from the wall in the dimly lit room.
Facing the other boy, it was clear to them both something had been lost
between them.  For the next few moments they stared at each other in
silence, each fearing what the other was thinking - each fearing what was
about to transpire.  Thomas knew he was guilty, understood the words that
had escaped his friend. 'You two should get a room, I guess'; he HAD been
playing more than he probably should, and hearing the tone in Michael's
voice, seeing the expression - he felt like something had been torn between
them.

    For Michaels' part, he was both hurt and confused.  He had seen this
moment coming for days, but yet wanted to so desperately avoid it.
Watching Thomas and Kevin together as they were had done something he
didn't quite expect.  He kept thinking that Thomas was more, well - more
reserved, that he wouldn't go as far as he had been thinking.  Especially
after the talk all three of them had had in the tent that night.  Michael
sighed at that memory.  He wasn't jealous - of that much he was certain.
He knew what it meant to have a trusting friendship - and both he and
Thomas had seemed to have a lot of blessings in that department as of late.
He figured maybe Kevin needed some better friends for a change, too.  In a
way he was glad of what his friend and Kevin had been able to forge
together; but it was all happening so fast, and he wasn't sure where that
bond was going to lead, or what it would do himself and Thomas, if
anything.  The very thing he held so close to his heart was the trust that
Thomas seemed so willing to let go.  Was that wrong?  Maybe not, but it
made Michael afraid, enough to ask this question: was their closeness,
their trust in one another, going to change?  Even worse - could it be
ending?

    Michael shook his head, trying to shake away the confusion he was
feeling and then gazed into the other boy's eyes - searching for something,
anything that would reveal what lie beneath.  What he found instead were a
pair of eyes searching his own.  Thomas sat in the floor, one leg thrown
out to the side while the other curled beneath him.  If it had been any
other moment Michael might have giggled at how funny his friend looked just
then.  The harsh reality instead brought him back to the stunning brevity
of the moment.  Searching his own feelings, he too was locked with
indecision.  What could he say or do?  This was someone who was so much
like himself - or at least he so once thought - that he was at a loss of
where to go next.

    He took a deep breath.  Why was he afraid?  What was it that was
frightening him so deeply that it had brought it to this moment?  Was it
the sex?  He immediately discarded that - he knew it was a lot deeper than
that, embedded so great that it burst and twisted within his very soul at
every heartbeat.  When he had watched the two of them earlier, it was like
someone had thrown a switch and clasped all of his insides into a tight
grip and held on.  It was the fleeting thoughts, the change he witnessed
between them, the carefree play.  So what was it then?  The camaraderie?
No - he didn't believe that either.  He refused to admit that it could have
been jealousy in any way.  What then - what had set him off?

    Then he remembered.  He had looked at Jermz and Austin just seconds
before - and it had hit him hard.  With a sudden intake of breath, his own
eyes began to sting again as the realization that - somehow - he was alone.
All the years he had been growing up with his Mom, his life had been with
no one other than her - and the memories of that life had suddenly flooded
within him.  His friendship with Thomas had changed everything; as if from
some Divine intervention, there was a power that knew how bad it was
getting for him, even if he didn't know it himself.  It was the building
between them - this thing that had started it all - enough so that it
reminded him just what being alone was once like.  In the coming months
they had nurtured it, mended and let it recede, making it go away - so much
so that now Michael had forgotten it until that moment.  That moment, he
was afraid of losing his friend's trust and love and bond - and he knew he
couldn't live without it.

    Michael was afraid of being alone again.

    He suddenly laughed at himself, a move so bizarre that Thomas suddenly
held his breath.  Michael's emotions changed, and Thomas watched in
amazement as his friend stood up from the side of the bed slowly approach.
Shaking his head and half smiling, Michael knelt in front of the other boy
and gazed with a much softer grace.  Thomas, still stunned and by now
equally just as confused, held that gaze for a moment before dropping his
eyes to the floor between them.  He tried to search for words, but none
came.  In fact, it was Michael who finally broke the silence between them,
his voice in a whisper so soft it reflected the darkness around them.  "Can
I ask you something?"

    Another tear escaped Thomas as he looked up again to meet his friend's
eyes, finding not hatred or annoyance, but a kindness in them he didn't
expect.  Confused, he slowly nodded, causing Michael to take a small breath
before continuing. "Can I, like, do something just this once, and maybe not
weird you out or anything?"

    Thomas sat stunned in even more confusion as Michael slowly leaned in
and hooked his arms around the boy's midsection, pulling them close.  Chest
to chest they embraced each other with a tenderness that defied
description.  With his chin resting on his friend's shoulder, he slowly
started to pull him tighter, grasping at the warmness between them.
Closing his eyes, Michael nuzzled Thomas in the neck and shoulder,
breathing in and remembering - remembering how it had all began that one
Sunday afternoon for what now seemed so long ago.

    Thomas, for his part, closed his eyes as well as he returned the
embrace.  Unlike his friend, however, he still felt a great weight upon his
shoulders that would not lift, knowing that what was happening had been his
fault.  His eyes still watery, he fought to keep his voice as steady as he
could.  "I'm sorry," he croaked, barely above a whisper.  The only response
came as Michael hugged him even tighter without letting go.

    There they sat for a moment before Michael finally sat back suddenly
and deliberately took hold of his friends t-shirt at the waist and peeled
it up and over Thomas's head.  Thomas again was so surprised he allowed it
without resistance, then observed as Michael in turn removed his own.  Then
at Michael's prodding the two came together again in the darkness.  The sun
had already disappeared onto the far side of the house, thus bathing the
area in only a dusk lighting outside - basking the basement in an eerie
afternoon gloom.  It would not be dark for a few hours yet, but the change
in the room was notable.  Once again Michael held his friend tightly, using
his hands to caress the boy's back as they hugged onto one another.

    Finally Michael pulled his head back and whispered into his friend's
ear, "You're not an idiot.  I am - I'm the one being stupid here, that's
all."

    Thomas immediately started shaking his head.  "No-" He got no further,
however, because Michael had gently took his friend's head in his hand and
steadied it, cutting him off as he continued to whisper to the other.  "You
have to promise me something."

    Thomas pulled back enough in order to see into the other eyes.  Their
faces on inches apart, what little light remained highlighted the intensity
of the stare that searched him out.  When he slowly nodded, Michael smiled
before continuing.  "You have to promise me something that we've always
promised each other, but it now means more to me than anything we have ever
had before."

    Thomas waited expectantly, but when nothing followed, he reached down
and locked fingers between them, letting their hands fall in their laps.
"Anything," he replied in a voice just as softly.  He was not afraid - he
knew that inside he would do anything it took to make amends for what he
had done.

    Michael once again pulled away and embraced his friend, locking them as
close together as they could.  When it seemed every square inch of their
chests and bellies could come no closer, he paused to relish the heat and
sincerity between their touch.  "You have to promise me, bro - on your
heart - we'll never lose this."  His voice cracked then, and although
Thomas could not see it, he felt the wetness in his shoulder as his friend
continued.  "I can't lose this - I just can't.  You mean that much to me.
I felt so alone while ago, and I just - I was afraid I would lose being
able to feel you anymore, to hold you when I needed to, to..."  Softly
Michael let it out, and so heartfelt was his plea that Thomas could not
help but feel it inside himself.  "I just felt really alone, like I
wouldn't mean anything to you anymore, to anyone..."

    "God, Mike-" He started but found himself choking up and having to take
a deep breath before he could continue.  "How could you ever think I would
lose this?"  Immediately after saying it however, the last pieces of the
puzzle fell in place, and he immediately regretted it.  Hugging his friend
tighter, however, he didn't want Michael to dwell on that before he could
have his turn.  "I'm s-sorry - I know now, I understand, I really do, and
it's my fault, okay?  But man... Don't you know?  Don't you know what is
inside of me right now?  What's always been there ever since - ever since
-"

    It then hit him.  He suddenly pulled back so he could look into his
friends face again.  "You remembered - you really remembered!  This was
what broke us down, where it all started!"

    Michael nodded.  "On a Sunday afternoon, your grandma was downstairs,
and we were just finishing horsing around, wrestling and stuff." Thomas sat
in awe, unsure what to say, so Michael giggled.  "I told you, I'm the one
being stupid. I just..." Pausing, he noted that his friend was waiting
before he shrugged his shoulders.  "I don't know Thomas, it just hit me,
it's like, been building up inside of me, all these little things I see and
- and - I'm afraid, I'm just scared."

    "Of what?" came the whispered reply.  "What are you scared of?"

    "Don't you know?"  There was hurt in the reply, and Thomas once again
regretted it.

    "Mike, you and me - we, have this thing..."

    "Not sex bro, please not sex-" Michael hastily whispered and
interrupted.

    Thomas shook his head. "NO - not sex Mike, you should know me better
than that by now! We have something a lot closer, at least I think so
anyway man!  You really have no idea what you did for me that day, do you?
Being Christmas, being someone I could like, open my soul up to, and do
something I just, I needed to do?"  He looked around the room for a second.
"You really think you wouldn't mean anything to us?  I mean, come on - To
Jermz?  Heck, even for Kevin, or Austin or my Mom or even your Mom.  Do
you? "  Seeing the look on his friends face, he knew now the fear that lay
behind the eyes.  "You really have no idea, do you?  You really don't
understand how important you are to me, or the others!"  Seeing the
confusion, he rose and went to the door.  "I think it's time all of us need
to talk to you for a change man, to tell you.  I'll be right back."

    Michael was now left in total confusion as he watched the other boy
disappear; stunned into silence until a moment later Thomas returned towing
the other three boys behind him.  Without a word he walked over and reached
down, offering a hand and pulling his friend from the floor.  There he
guided them both to the head bed where they sat down next to each other.
Their friends - silent up to this point - curiously took up places around
them.  When they were all settled, Thomas cleared his throat.  "Guys, I've
got some things I have to say, and I want all of you to hear it, and let me
try and finish, okay?"  When the other three nodded, he turned to Michael
who only sat and stared at him, his face expressionless.  Thomas lowered
his eyes to the bed and thought for a moment before he continued.

    "I'm an ass for not really understanding some things any sooner. I
mean, you guys know we're close, but do you know why?"  When they shook
their heads no, he turned to Jeremy.  "It's because of you Jermz.  You
know, ever since that day you beat me up, I've never really held it against
you that much - not that I liked you, not really, but I never held it
against you.  The reason is because if it hadn't been for you, me and this
guy -" he indicated his friend sitting next to him as he grasped the hand
and locked fingers, "- me and Mike would never have become friends.  See, I
was going through a lot of shit at home with my Grandpa, and - other stuff,
just confusing stuff I guess.  What you did though brought him and me
together in a way you would never believe or understand I guess.  I mean, I
want you guys to understand, because I want to quit trying to hide from you
how much I love him."

    Thomas took a deep breath as the others watched, then suddenly and
deliberately he turned and leaned in and kissed Michael on his temple
before he backed away.  Glancing at Kevin, he saw an amused expression
cross the younger boys face before he sheepishly grinned himself.  Turning
to where Austin and Jeremy sat, he saw Austin looking embarrassed and
glancing away, while Jeremy just stared at them expressionless.  Thomas
cleared his throat and finally continued.  "I love him guys; I admit it,
I'm sorry if it sounds goofy or girlish or sissy or gay-ish or whatever - I
just do.  I mean, I'm not trying to say we're gay or anything, but -- it's
just the feeling, it's this trust and stuff I have for Mike, and I think he
has it for me, too.  He is a part of me, and I'm a part of him.  If
something separates us now, it will be disastrous to both of us, you know?"

    The last was delivered while he was looking at Kevin, and suddenly
Kevin's expression reflected understanding, which in turn caused him to
smile before Thomas continued.  "But guys there's more to it, too.  When
you love someone, you never really break that, because it sits inside so
deep, like a special bond or something.  And when I see Mike hurting, well,
it makes me hurt too.  I'm an idiot Kevin, because, well - you know, I
guess I was just getting too close and Mike got scared - scared he was
losing me, I guess."  He looked at his friend, trying to cover part of the
excuse as well as he could to save his friend any embarrassment.

    "Other guys have those feelings too, you know."  This came from Austin,
surprising the others when he spoke up, causing Jeremy to finally break the
gaze and turn his attention.  "You two aren't doing anything other guys
haven't done - not everyone mind you, because most don't but - some do."

    "How do you know?"  The surprise question came from Jeremy, and Austin
observed his friend carefully before lowering his eyes in embarrassment.

    "Well, for one thing ... I have."

    "Have what?"

    "Umm... messed around some, I guess."  He looked at his younger brother
with a look of amusement.  "Yeah little bro, i noticed what you two were
doing up there."

    The revelation brought surprise to everyone as what Austin implied of
himself hit home. "Yeah?" came a soft whisper from the headboard, Michael
finally having the courage to speak up.

    It was Kevin that answered, however.  "Yeah, and you already know I've
messed around some."

    "You knew?" Thomas asked, confused.  "I mean, you-"

    "Of course I knew, I mean, I oughta know, he's my big brother!"

    Michael pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on
them. He gazed intently at the older Mathew's brother for a moment, who sat
in silence, anticipating what was coming.  Michael didn't fail him, as he
finally spoke in a hushed whisper. "Can I ask?"

    Austin slowly nodded. "Go ahead - what do you want to know?"

    "The two of you?"  He indicated the two brothers.  Austin briefly
turned a deep shade of red as he glanced at his little brother sitting by
his side before smiling a little.  It was Kevin, however, who
answered. "We've done SOME stuff, yeah."

    "Holy shit!" The soft exclamation, this time from Jeremy, caused
everyone to quickly look his way.  Instead of seeing shock or disgust
though, they saw the smile plastered across his face as he added "You guys
are something else!"

    Michael smiled.  "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked I guess, but... I
always kind of figured there was something to you two, you know?  Like me
and Thomas..."

    Austin nodded. "Look, you guys got to understand something, okay? I
love my brother, I would never do anything to hurt him or stuff.  I mean,
we used to never get along, you know?  We were lucky to even be able to
stay in the same room with one another sometimes."  Kevin nodded in
agreement as Austin hesitated.  "But lately, things have been different,
and heck, I mean... it's more like I just kind of 'educated' him some, you
know? Like, showed him some stuff."

    "Yeah, he's my big brother and I love him, too." Kevin added after a
moment of silence, as everyone contemplated the revelation. "It's not like
it's bad - bad stuff, you know.  We didn't like, screw or anything."  He
looked quickly in Jeremy's direction, but sighed inwardly with relief.
"Sorry man, I didn't meant to-"

    "Will you assholes quit trying to protect me from stuff?  Sheesh!"  The
exclamation surprised everyone, but the genuine grin behind it told them
their friend was nothing more than just being annoyed.  "Seriously guys,
listen - I know I don't have to hide stuff from you.  You guys know I've
had just about everything done to me that can be done, probably in the
worst way, too."  He paused for a second before looking directly into
Michael's eyes which were staring back at him equally attentive.  "If it
wasn't for you, actually the both of you, and both of your moms, I don't
know guys...  It would have been hard to accept that any of this stuff
could be, like, normal?  But I've watched you, and I see it in you - I see
how close you really are, and I just know."

    "Know what bro?" This from Thomas, his voice also hushed.

    Jeremy looked at the both of them.  "I just know how what you mean to
each other.  Sometimes I even get jealous, I guess.  I know it because -
well - I can feel it.  In here," he added, his hand crossing his heart.  He
looked at the others.  "I don't know how to convince you guys but - I
really am okay.  I'm not over it - not by a long shot, I know.  The damn
shrink even says I have a ways to go, but at least I'm opening up now -
some to him, but more to you guys than I would ever have believed.  I
really do trust you.  I mean, I know you won't go making life hell for me
at school and all that shit, and I know you won't give up my secrets any
more than I would give up yours.  I mean, so what - ok, I got fucked to
hell and back, it's over, you know?"  The tone in Jeremy's voice changed to
one of almost pleading.  "I love you guys, all of you - honest - and as
long as you'll keep being here for me, and for each other, I honestly don't
care what you do or not do, you know?  So I'm just asking - let up some,
I'm not going to freak out or anything.  There is nothing you guys could
come up with that could ever be worse than what I've already been through."

    Thomas nodded.  "I know what you mean man, and I think we all do.  Just
always remember, what happened to you, well, it was done in a bad way, you
know?  There is some good in messing around some, just..."

    Jeremy shook his head and interrupted - his voice barely a whisper.  "I
honestly don't know anything that could be any good..."

    Austin scoffed, but it was Kevin who piped up unabashed, "Jermz, can I
ask you something like really, really personal?  I mean, I know we already
talking stuff here, but this..."  When Jeremy nodded, he took a deep
breath.  "All the stuff done to you, like, you were screwed bad, I know
that, but did you ever, like, do stuff on your own? Like, jack off or
anything?"  As he heard the others take a sharp breath, some in annoyance,
he quickly plunged on.  "I mean, wait guys, I'm being serious here ... some
guys don't know anything about it, you told me that yourself bro, that some
guys really don't-"

    "I know about it Kevin," Jeremy replied coolly, smiling but then a look
of thoughtfulness greeted the younger boy.  "Honest answer? No, I - I never
did..."

    The silence among them was almost deafening.  It was Michael who this
time broke the silence with a simple question.  "Why?"

    Jeremy thought about it for a moment but could not really find the
words he wanted to say.  It was Thomas how offered his theory,
instead. "Because he's had to put up with so much shit from his old man for
years and years, and that's why he gave us all shit in school - to hide
everything.  And probably while he was hiding everything, it was everything
he could do to keep himself together just to survive it all.  Like that?"

    Jeremy thought about that for a moment before replying, his voice as
hushed now as the rest.  "I guess maybe you guys really do know me - maybe
better than even I do."

    It was Michael who spoke up again.  "No - we don't *KNOW* you, not like
that Jermz, but we do, like, understand.  I mean, maybe we're kinda young
for some of this stuff, but that doesn't mean we're ignorant assholes, you
know.  We do have feelings and stuff."  He smiled perhaps for the first
time that evening.

    Jeremy grinned back.  "Okay, okay - I get it... is this gonna turn into
another one of those Kodak moments?  Like, all huggy and stuff?"

    Everyone laughed at that, but then fell silent until Thomas sighed.
Turning to Michael, he drew everyone's attention back to the whole focus of
what they had gathered for.  "Don't you see Mike?  You're like this - this
angel.  You're always watching out for everyone, always helping everyone
yet - you never realize it.  Look, I know it sounds corny, okay?  Just hear
me out, for one minute hear me out.  I don't care if they hear or not - I
WANT them to hear it, I want you to know I'm not afraid of them, and not
afraid of us either.  Honest, you like, saved me man - from probably one of
the worst things that could happen in my life.  And me and my Mom?  You and
your mom got us out of there, got us away from my Grandpa - and you gave us
a home, you gave us a part of your life.  How can you not think we don't
know what that means?  You guys give up ssssooooo much sometimes, I like -
I don't feel like we deserve you guys, you know, your friendship and
everything?  Don't you realize, we're really like brothers now - for good
or for bad - and I for one like to think its for good!  I never had one
before, and I sure as hell don't want to lose the one I have now!"

    "You won't!"  The reply came from behind them as Jeremy scooted in
closer.  He gazed intently at the both of them.  "For as long as I live, I
swear it - I'll watch out for the both of you.  You're part of my family
too, you know.  I don't care if you're gay or just messing around or
whatever you want to do -- that's none of my business.  I just know."  He
paused, taking a deep breath.  "I just know - look, okay?  Love has a whole
new set of feelings for me to work out, so maybe I'm not so smart on that
right now, but - I do know this much - you're both cool.  In here," he
added, thumping his heart lightly.  "On the inside - you're my brothers,
too.  I love you, too."

    "And mine," added Austin.  "You, Thomas and Jermz are like my brothers,
too - you won't lose us now, not now that we've found you. I don't know
about being and angel and all that, but..."  Thomas turned red at that,
clearly embarrassed, but Austin reached out and put an arm around the kid's
shoulders.  "What I do know man - something brought all of us together, you
know?  Call it fate or whatever you want, but I think it's mostly just
because of you - you being who you are, you finding the little things in us
that bind us together."

    "I believe it, too," Kevin piped up.  "You guys - you know how
different my life is now?  From what it used to be like?"  He grinned at
his brother. "See? I told you it was okay - that all of us are a special
group."  He looked at Michael.  "I'm sorry Mike, I think I understand why
you came down here now.  It was because of me; I guess I shouldn't have
been so - so -"

    "Horny?"  Everyone laughed as Michael offered, sheepishly grinning
himself.

    "Yeah, horny I guess.  Mike? Listen - I never knew you before, okay?
Sorry man, I just - I had a different crowd of people I hung out with,
that's all, but sheesh - I'm the one who missed out, not you.  These guys
are right, though: the reason we're together, it's like you walked into our
lives and changed us - one at a time.  Not just you either, Thomas, too.
You helped us when we needed it, in one way or another.  You really don't
expect you're going to lose us, do you?  Not now anyway!"

    The silence fell on the group as Michael considered their words before,
clearly embarrassed, he replied quietly.  "Sometimes ... it just happens
guys, I don't know why, I just get these weird feelings and stuff, I just
do. I'm sorry - but I really got scared earlier.  I got scare something was
changing, and - and -"

    Jeremy spoke up.  "That sounds like me.  I mean, I was talking to Aus
just a few weeks ago, about being scared."

    "Of what?" Mike asked quietly.

    "Of losing you."  He smiled before he continued.  "Look at it from my
point of view man - I beat up this kid, and you take him in and start
protecting him, but instead of being pissed at me like anyone else would,
instead you start watching out for me too.  Then I get the shit beat out of
me, and you find me in this abandoned house, pissed all over and bleeding
out my ass like no tomorrow, and - and half dead, and you drag me - like
literally drag me out of hell and bring me to -" He paused for a second as
he looked around.  "Heaven.  Okay, maybe not to you guys, but for me?  This
- and you -" It was Jeremy who suddenly choked up and began fighting back
tears, and each of the guys started crowding around him, clapping his
shoulder or rubbing his back.  He stared at Michael, still sitting and
observing them all.  "You man, I didn't want to lose you, or your Mom.
This house I think is the only thing that has been normal to me almost my
whole life, even before my Mom died, because my old man, he was a real
bastard sometimes back then too, you know?"

    Michael suddenly came out of his position and launched himself into
Jeremy's lap, embracing him tightly.  Nothing was said for a moment, but
Austin put his arm around Kevin's shoulder and pulled the boy into him.
Kevin in turn put his arm around his brother's waist.  At one point Michael
looked up and saw Thomas sitting alone, before he reached out and grabbed
the boy into a three way embrace.  He finally broke the silence.  "Not this
house Jermz, any place can be a house, but - like - instead how bout just
this 'home' - because it takes all of us being together to make it a home.
Does that make sense?"

    Austin quietly answered for his friend once it was evident Jeremy
wasn't going to speak.  "More than you know man, more than you know."

    "I love you guys, you know that?"  Michael giggled finally as he broke
and sat back.  "Maybe one of these days we'll get ourselves straightened
out."

    "Nah, I think we already have," Jeremy replied with a laugh.  "You guys
do more for me than 10 fucking shrinks could ever come close to."  He
turned to Austin.  "Come on, let's leave these three to whatever they're
going to get into, I think I suddenly want to go get a milkshake."

    "You're on, as long as I can do this first!" said the other older boy,
who surprisingly embraced his friend like the others, basically for only
the second time in as many weeks, trying to convey to him the sincerity of
his own feelings at the moment.  When they broke, they both laughed at each
other before getting up and leaving the room.  Thomas and Kevin and Michael
all three stared at each other for some time, before Michael giggled and
grabbed the both of them and started an all-out three-way wrestling match.
They continued for some time, each wrapping themselves up between their
arms, legs and bodies.  At one point, Michael grinned when Thomas had him
rolled on his back and playfully reached down to cup his friend's crotch.
Thomas returned the wicked grin and in turn did the same to their new
friend who was pinned underneath the both of them.  Kevin was so surprised
he paused, stiffening and watching the other two.

    "I was never really jealous bro," Michael whispered softly to his
friend. "Just scared, that's all. I didn't want to lose you."

    Kevin, overhearing the exchange, pulled both his hands behind his head
and stared up at them.  "You two at it AGAIN??"

    Michael grinned and looked at Thomas, amusement crossing his face
before he raised an eyebrow, an unspoken question exchanged between them.
When Michael slightly nodded, they both reversed themselves, spinning
around and capturing Kevin, holding him down while they together stripped
him of his shoes, socks and shorts, finally leaving the boy laying before
them in only his boxers.  Grinning wickedly, Michael and Thomas faced the
boy from above, who just lay their grinning wickedly, offering no
resistance.

    "You sure about this?" The question was suddenly whispered into
Michaels ear, causing him to turn and peer at his friend beside him.  In
reply, Michael grinned and reached his hand beneath the band of Kevin's
boxers, taking hold of the fully-mast boner that was inside and causing
their friend to shut his eyes and gasp.

    "I'm game!" he answered as Thomas grinned and started kissing his bro
again, this time their tongues finding each other.

    - + - + - + -

    Later that night, both boys lay in bed in the cool room, staring at the
ceiling that now glowed of various stars and planets from the decals they
had applied.  Thomas lay next to his friend, whose arm draped around his
shoulder and pulled him close.  Both shirtless boys enjoyed each other's
comfort and warmth, each lost in their own thoughts about the events of the
day.

    "Mike?"

    "Hmm...?"

    "I - I really am sorry man, you know that don't you?"

    In reply Michael squeezed him harder.  After a moment he replied.  "You
ever think about like, down the road and stuff?"

    Thomas wrinkled his nose.  "Yeah, sometimes."

    "What do you think about?"

    "I dunno, like - sometimes I think this is all a dream, you know?  That
someday I'm gonna wake up and find out it isn't real anymore."  He turned
his head and gazed into his friends eyes.  "But I do wake up - every day -
and you're still her, right beside me, and every night I get up to go to
the bathroom or wake up from a bad dream or anything else, I reach over
here and you're still here.  The more you're still here, the more I begin
to really believe."

    Michael thought about that a few seconds and then smiled.  "I'm nobody
special bro, I'm just me."

    Thomas scoffed, then reached around and gentle twisted his friends
nipple he found underneath, causing the two to momentarily scuffle until
Thomas ended up half-pinning his friend underneath.  Resting his chin on
his forearm, he gazed down into the face beneath him.  "You're wrong Mike,
you're so very wrong.  You are special - to me."  With that he leaned in
and gave his friend another kiss, lightly on his lips, but with much more
tenderness than he had earlier.  When he broke, he whispered, "You think I
would do this with just anyone?"

    Michael searched his friend's eyes.  "Umm, I dunno, maybe Kevin?"  He
smiled when he said it, but his expression betrayed the momentary
hesitation and doubt that came across him.

    Thomas shook his head in reply.  "Kevin just wants to get off, that's
all.  I mean, he's a friend, a good friend - someone we trust.  So is his
bro, and so is Jeremy; but they are not you, and nobody is like us Mike -
nobody.  With all of them I have limits - but with you, I'll give you
anything and everything - all of me, Mike.  My heart, my soul -- everything
I have.  That's how much you mean to me, bro."

    Michael smiled as he heard the words, then gently reached up and
embraced his friend with an equally tender kiss and hug, feeling the
moment.  He broke and finally whispered back, "Thanks - for everything, for
helping me believe again."

    Thomas leaned back and grinned.  "You and me are like hydrogen and
oxygen - like water, bro.  We're not going anywhere for a long time."

    Michael giggled.  "Can't be like that."

    Thomas raised an eyebrow.  "Why not?"

    "Well it takes two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen to make water,
and they all have to be having sex to do it, right?"

    Thomas laughed, then considered.  "Okay, Kevin can be the oxygen then,
you and me can be the hydrogen."

    That made them both giggle until Michael quietly looked up again.  "You
know, we might not always think that way."

    Thomas just shrugged his shoulders.  "Maybe not, but why worry about
it?  I mean it Mike, why worry about something like that?  My Mom taught me
that: just deal with now and let tomorrow come when it comes.  Right now, I
like what we have with each other, don't you?"

    Michael nodded.  "Yeah, I just worry ... sometimes..."

    A thought cross Thomas as he again wrinkled his nose.  "You don't think
- I mean, Mike - you don't think we do stuff, that I do stuff, just to - "

    "Just to what?"  The voice that spoke was quiet, and an erie moment
passed between them before Thomas answered.

    "You don't think I mess around just to get you to like me or anything,
do you?"

    It was an odd question, one which Michael slowly shook his head to and
discarded.  "No... but, I mean, I'm the one who started it between us and
stuff, remember? And ummm, it's kind of my fault we do it, you know, when
we first did it, right? And..."

    Thomas put a finger on his friends lips.  "No - it's not your fault,
it's nobody's fault.  It's just - fun stuff, but with you and me, it's just
cooler, more awesome, because it's us, you know?  Like the stuff today with
Kev, that was just pansy stuff, it got him off, and that's all he really
wanted."  He leaned in to whisper.  "What we do is a hundred times better
and a hundred times more personal, too. And I'm just as guilty as either of
us, because sometimes I WANT to do stuff.  Man, I get so horny and
everything, well..."

    "You too? You think that too?"  Seeing his friend nod, he grinned.
"Me, too.  We might change someday and stop, but right now..."

    Thomas grinned, then shrugged his shoulders.  "Yeah, I know, that's
what I've been trying to tell you.  So I guess we ought to do it before you
start worrying about us changing too much."

    Michael was confused.  "Huh?"  Thomas grinned and slowly grind himself
down onto his friend, both whom already were hosting boners at half-mast
within their briefs. Michael smiled.  "What are you thinking about...?" he
whispered.

    Thomas hesitated only a second before leaning in and whispering in his
ear. "Wouldn't you like to know," he answered seductively, before nibbling
on his friends' earlobe.

    Michael giggled.  "I don't know man, I already creamed once today, I
might not-"

    Thomas silenced him with a soft kiss before replying.  "What I'm
thinking of, trust me, I've got a feeling it won't matter."

    Michael smiled and closed his eyes, feeling suddenly more free than he
thought he ever had before.  "You know I love you bro."  He enveloped the
warmth between them.  "Are we okay now?"

    Thomas embraced him harder and replied by locking his lips down onto
his friend and tenderly begin kissing away.


    ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...



Some Thoughts and Reflections -----------------------------

    From this point on, imagine what you will.  When I started this series,
my thoughts turned toward a kid I knew in my Jr. High school years, who was
older, braver, tougher and rougher than anyone I had ever encountered (at
the time, anyway).  He was a bully in every sense of the word, and although
I was able to avoid him most of my life, there were a lot of others who
were not.

    I don't know what became of him, although I heard a strange story
toward the latter part of High School, that before we graduated, he had
drastically changed.  I didn't think much of it until about a year ago,
when my younger cousin Tim was telling me about someone in his school who
seem to relish the opportunity to inflict misery on people in his class,
and it made me think back to my own experiences and the difference between
where he grew up and myself: one in the city and one, myself, as a country
kid.

    Several people had been writing me or chatting online with me and
telling me I should try to write something in fiction.  For a good while, I
couldn't really come up with anything until this happened, and thus now you
see the results.  It has - literally - taken me a year to comprise this and
finish it.  I started with an outline (because a very good friend suggested
that was the way to do it), and for the most part everything grew in,
around and throughout that set of guidelines.  Is it perfect? Not by a long
shot - it lacks some literary prowess in places, and I as a fan of fiction
and reading recognize just that.

    What this HAS been, however, for me, is this: I grew up very much
alone, with no brothers or sisters, and without many kids my age in my
neighborhood.  I come from a pretty small family as well, having lost my
father to a divorce before I was even 8 years old.  The cool thing about it
though, was I really did have a good father - a man who, whatever their
reasons for divorce has never been truly revealed to me or understood -
still took care of both me and my Mom for a long, long time.  He didn't try
to shun his responsibilities to me, and never tried to back away from the
fact I was there.  He wasn't rich - and definitely neither was we - but
when he had the extra money, I wasn't the only one who benefitted from it:
he took care of my Mom as well.  He lived far away up until his last couple
of years, but he was never far from my heart.

    This story is (and has been) a reflection of my thoughts, feelings and
personality as it is, I guess.  I can see myself living through my
characters, and seeing them have the outcomes they experienced.  I can
"see" my bully being the one who was really the victim, and how HIS actions
affected the others around him.  Most of all though, I can see the
friendship that developed and how it could grow between everyone, at
different levels.  Lastly, maybe it is just wishful thinking, but I could
see and feel the acceptance of Michael and Thomas and their relationship.
Are they gay?  Who knows - I certainly didn't know at that age, but I
remember having those thoughts and feelings and fears as if they were
yesterday.  Most of all, I had a friend, someone I grew to trust and love
very dearly, for a while, who gave me a reason to keep on living at a time
when even as a young teenager, I seriously questioned whether life was
worth it anymore.  I'm glad he was true to me, too - as well as my Dad, who
helped me become happier and learn to love myself for who I am.  It was
still lonesome - but a whole lot more bearable after a while...

    So that's it everyone.  A year in the effort, but only because (I
think) it's my first attempt, and because I didn't want to rush something
just to "put it out there" and up for grabs.  I hope those who read this
will understand - I'm not perfect, I'm just human.  I wanted something full
of people, characters you could see and feel and understand as well as I
did - not just kids out there discovering how to get off and everything.
:o)

    Will there be any more?  I don't know, but if so, it'll get picked up
and continued in another story arc.  Here, I wanted a happy ending for my
five friends, and I cannot imagine it being much better than you see it
here.  I have been thinking a lot lately about another story arc, another
work of fiction, and I'll probably try it out - mostly because the winter
months are coming on, and well, work is generally a lot better and less
stressful starting about this time of year until next spring or early
summer.  Who knows - maybe I can do that one a lot quick and more direct,
too!  :o)

    Too all of you who have been patient and supported me?  Do this: go
find a fluffy pillow somewhere - even if you have to wait until you go to
bed one night, as you will.  Pull it up close, wrap your arms around it,
and for just an instant - if you can - whether you're young, old or in
between, pull it up close and close your eyes.  And in that instant, let
your imagination free for a second...

    ... and pretend it's me giving you that hug right back.

    :o)

    -- Sean - The "English Kid" in the USA.  :o)
---------------------------------

Comments to: EKidKy@hotmail.com
Other series by me:
   - Life's Road of Discoveries
     (www.Nifty.org, Gay-Young Friends section, Early 2008)
   - Terry and Sam - Short Story, Holiday Christmas Collaboration w/Ruwen
     (www.Nifty.org, Gay-No Sex section, Late 2008)