Date: Mon, 22 Aug 2016 20:32:29 +0000
From: Joel <joelyoung120@hotmail.com>
Subject: The Messenger - Chapter 14

			       The Messenger
			       By Joel Young

			Chapter 14 – Strike Two
			 The Burnt-Orange Sweater

That Tuesday night, I decided to call Kevin and ask if he wanted to go with
me to see The Messenger in Ann Arbor on Friday.  I had never been nervous
about calling a friend before.  But this time, I was.  It sort of felt like
I was asking him out on a date.

Kevin answered the phone.  "Hey, Kevin," I said.  "This is Joel.  You got a
minute?"

"Sure," he answered.  "What's up?"

"Well, I was just thinking," I said.  "I heard that Leland College near Ann
Arbor is doing The Messenger this weekend.  And, I thought it might be fun
to go see it.  You know, see what they do differently.  See how college
students do the show.  You want to come along?"

There was a long pause, and it felt really awkward.  I was pretty sure
Kevin was trying to think of an excuse to turn down my invitation.

"I'm in!" Kevin finally said.

"Cool!" I said. "But, here's the thing.  I was going to stay over one night
so that I could look around the U of M campus a little.  You know, check
out how it looks before making a decision about which colleges to apply to.
That would mean getting a motel room for one night, but I'd pay for it."

"That sounds awesome," Kevin said.  "I'm pretty much set on going to
Central Michigan, but I'd like to explore the U of M campus with you.
Let's do it!"

Kevin and I worked out the plans, and he insisted on splitting the cost of
the room.  I said I'd make a reservation at a motel and call Leland to
reserve tickets.  Kevin said he'd drive, but that he couldn't use his
parent's car until Saturday.  So, we adjusted the plans to see the play on
Saturday night and to explore the U of M campus on Sunday.

Kevin picked me up late Saturday afternoon, and we headed toward Ann Arbor.
It was finally getting warm in southeastern Michigan.  It was a clear,
early spring day, and it felt great to enjoy some fresh air.

"I was kind of surprised that you asked me to tag along today," Kevin said.
"I mean, we've never really hung out before."

"That's one of the great things about trying new school activities," I
said.  "You meet new friends - or in our case, reconnect with friends from
elementary school."

"Oh, that's right!  We were in the same Cub Scout Troupe," Kevin said.  "I
think you even came to my birthday party – like in third grade!"

"I remember that party," I told Kevin.  "Your Mom served coconut cake.  I
had never had it before, and I thought it was really good.  You snuck a
second piece for me."

"Wow," Kevin said.  "You've got a great memory.  I don't really remember
things like that."

"Yea, well," I said.  "I sort of have this love-hate relationship with –
ah – well – I mean - food."  I was surprised that I had become
tongue-tied.  I had almost said `my mother,' instead of `food.'

"Anyway," I said.  "Sometimes I can't stand the thought of eating.  Other
times, I get really hungry, and everything tastes good.  I've liked coconut
cake ever since I had some at your house.  But, my Mom says it has too much
fat in it.  So, we never have it – even when I asked for it on my
birthday."

"No worries this weekend," Kevin said.  "We can have anything we want –
no adults looking over our shoulders!"  He turned on the radio and rolled
down his window.  I rolled down my window, too.  I stuck my hand out into
the wind.  The feelings of spring and freedom were exhilarating!

Soon, however, the open windows got to be too much.  We rolled them up as
we continued toward Ann Arbor.

"You know," I said to Kevin.  "We used to be pretty good friends back in
Cub Scouts.  I wonder why we never hung out after that."

"I know why," Kevin said.  "Except for Cub Scouts, we had very different
after-school activities.  You got all tied up with Karate and soccer.  I
just wanted to play football and basketball."

"Really?" I said.  "I don't remember seeing you at any of the games."

"I mainly played pick-up games in the neighborhood.  I couldn't go out for
any of the teams," Kevin said.  He stopped, and he didn't offer any
explanation.

"If it's none of my business, just tell me," I said.  "But, why couldn't
you try out for the teams?"

"It's embarrassing, Joel," Kevin said.  "But, I'll tell you – if you
promise not to tell anyone – not even Sara."

"Promise," I said.

Kevin cringed.  "Tap, Jazz, and Ballet," he said.

"Ah," I said.  "That explains how you knocked everyone dead on the dance
floor at the cast party.  Kevin, you were amazing.  There's no reason to be
embarrassed.  You're a really good dancer!"

"I shouldn't have shown off like that," Kevin said.  "It's just that I was
feeling comfortable with the cast and everybody on the crew - and I felt
like I could let loose if I wanted to."

"Well, I'm glad you did," I said.  "If you like dancing - then dance.  Go
ahead and do what you want to do!"

"Thanks," Kevin said.  "But, I wanted to play sports.  My Mom owns Sixth
Position Dance Studio in East Detroit.  Most of her classes are after
school, and my Dad works in his tailor shop all the time.  So, there was no
one to watch me after school or take me to practices.  I had to spend
afternoons and evenings at the studio.  I spent the whole time doing
homework and taking dance classes."

"And, you didn't tell anyone because of what the guys would think," I said.

"Yea," Kevin said.  "You know how they are - and what they would have
called me.  And now that I'm going to start teaching beginning classes, it
would be even worse!"

"You're probably right," I said.  "Why'd you come out for the play?"

"I really want to be a sportscaster," Kevin explained.  "But, I'm kind of
shy about speaking in front of people.  So, I challenged myself - and it
wasn't so bad."

"Well, I thought you looked very comfortable on stage - very natural.  And,
you were a great Zeb - amazing, actually."

I think I embarrassed Kevin, and we drove without talking much until we got
close to Ann Arbor.

We checked into the motel and got settled in quickly.  Our room had two
queen-sized beds, and it was quite nice considering I had shopped around
for the best price.  We grabbed a quick dinner before heading to Leland
College for the 7:30 p.m. curtain.

Kevin and I could hardly believe how small the college campus was.
Excluding the two residence halls, the entire campus was smaller than our
high school.  There were only three buildings: a church, a small student
center, and a classroom building - that was it.  The student center looked
deserted, but there were a few cars parked at one end of the classroom
building. We parked near the other cars and went into the building.  We
found the small auditorium just inside.  There was a card table set up
outside of the auditorium doors where two students were selling tickets.  I
went up to the table, and I said I had reservations.

"Oh, you're the ones," the guy at the table said.  I must have looked
confused because he explained his remark.  "Reservations aren't really
necessary," he said.  "We'll be lucky to fill a third of the seats."

The auditorium itself was very nice.  It looked quite modern.  Kevin and I
chose seats near the back.  We had about 10 minutes before the show was
scheduled to begin, so I started reading the program.

A few minutes later, Kevin said, "Joel, isn't that Ben?"

I immediately looked up, and Kevin pointed straight ahead.  About ten or
fifteen rows in front of us, I saw two men sitting together.  One of the
guys had dark hair.  From the back, it looked as if it might be Ben.  I
really wasn't sure - until I noticed the burnt-orange sweater that I had
spent almost an entire day shopping for.  Ben was sitting next to a guy
with blond hair, and they were the only people in that row.

Once again, I felt like Ben had just punched me in the gut.

"Let's go speak to him," Kevin suggested.

"Let's wait until intermission," I said.  "The show's about to start."

I pretty much ignored the preshow announcements, but I tried to pay
attention to the Messenger's opening speech.  It seemed a little flat to me
- almost as if the Messenger didn't really care about the people of
Cedarville.  But really, I couldn't focus on the play.  I was thinking
about Ben, why he was here, and who he was with.

As I watched the first act drag out, I tried to think of plausible
explanations as to why Ben had canceled his date with me and come to the
show with another guy.  No matter how hard I thought, however, I could only
come up with one explanation that made sense.  Ben had lied to me about
having to study all weekend - probably to make it easier for him to break
our date.  He broke our date so he could be with another guy - a guy he
wanted to be with more than he wanted to be with me.

Sara had been right.  Ben used me.  And now, when I was no longer useful to
him, I didn't matter.  And, once I didn't matter, why not go on the date we
planned with someone he preferred?

Intense emotions were erupting within me, and there was an internal battle
as to which emotion would take greater control - my feelings of being
rejected and hurt, or my fury at being used and deceived.  I have never
handled mixed emotions well, so I sat paralyzed.  I was barely able to
pretend to clap when the act ended.

"Aren't you going to stretch your legs?" Kevin asked when I didn't move
from my seat.

"I'm not feeling very good," I said.  "Give me a minute."  Kevin went up
toward the lobby.  Shortly, I saw Ben and the blond guy heading up the
aisle.  I stuck my face into the program, and I was pretty sure Ben didn't
see me.

I sat in my seat while becoming even more upset.  How dare Ben break his
date with me, lie to me about the reason, and then wear the sweater I gave
him while taking another guy on the same date that we had planned together!

I was startled when I saw Ben at the end of the row in which I was sitting.
He walked toward my seat, and he sat down right next to me.

"Kevin told me you were here," Ben said.  "Can we talk?"

I looked at him briefly.  Then, I had to turn away as I became overwhelmed
by feelings of rejection and humiliation.  I said nothing.

"The guy I'm with is my boyfriend," Ben said.  "His name is Terry.  He
graduated from DCOPA last year, and he's in the same internship program
that I'm taking in Minneapolis.  Terry and I have an open relationship.  I
wasn't cheating on him when I was with you.  Last Saturday night, after our
show, Terry called me and said he was coming to Detroit on Thursday.  His
family is here, but he said he wanted to stay with me.  The truth is that I
wanted to keep my date with you.  But, you and I both knew that what we had
was going to end soon.  And, I'm moving in with Terry in a few weeks.  I
didn't feel like I had a choice; I had to cancel our date.  I'm sorry I
lied to you about having to study all weekend."

"Let me understand this," I said.  "When we went to the basement during the
cast party, you already knew you were going to break our date?"

"Joel," Ben said.  "I never meant to hurt you.  I care about you."

I didn't believe that he truly cared about me, and I felt humiliated.  "Can
we please talk after the show?" I asked Ben.  "I'm not feeling good right
now."

"Of course," Ben said.  He put a hand on my shoulder, and I wanted to pull
away.  But, I didn't.  Ben got up and headed back toward the lobby.  I
stood and went to the other end of my row.  I headed up the stairs.  I had
to find a little privacy.

I found the men's restroom.  Fortunately, it was empty.  I went into the
stall farthest from the door.  It really wouldn't provide much privacy if
anyone came in, but it was the best that I could do.  I sat down and hung
my head.  I covered my eyes and started crying – muffling the sounds as
much as possible.  I was upset about so many different things.  I was hurt;
I was angry, and I felt manipulated and betrayed.  And yet, part of me
wanted to accept Ben's explanation and believe that he really did want to
be with me - and he would have taken me on our date - if only circumstances
hadn't prevented him from doing so.

When I realized that I was leaning toward empathizing with Ben's situation,
I heard a voice inside of my head.  It sounded like Sara screaming at me,
"Joel, you're an idiot!!!!"

I decided that I couldn't allow myself to be an idiot anymore.  I had to
pull myself back together and get a grip.  When I saw Ben after the show,
I'd tell him where to go - and it wasn't Minneapolis!

I left the stall and went over to one of the sinks.  I looked in the mirror
and saw that my face was red and blotchy.  It would be obvious to anyone
who saw me that I'd been crying.  I took a deep breath and started
splashing cold water on my face.  I heard someone come into the restroom.

"Joel?  Are you okay?" Kevin asked.

"I'll be fine," I said.  "Let's just not go back to that place where we had
dinner.  Is the second act starting yet?  I don't want you to miss the
flirting scene with Mary and Zeb."

"Not yet," Kevin said.  "There's some sort of delay."

"Okay," I said.  "Give me just a minute.  I'll be right out."

Kevin walked toward the door.  Then, he stopped and turned around.  "He
really is a jerk," Kevin said.  "Don't let him get to you."


Readers: Your thoughts and comments are appreciated.  Send them to:
joelyoung120@hotmail.com