Date: Fri, 21 Jan 2011 04:28:53 -0800 (PST)
From: Doug Smith <das11111@yahoo.com>
Subject: High School: The Move, Chapter 18

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This story is a work of FICTION. The events described have only occurred in
my mind.  Any similarities to actual events or persons are strictly
coincidental.

THIS STORY CONTAINS GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF CONSENSUAL SEXUAL ACTS BETWEEN
HIGH SCHOOL AGE MALES. IT IS INTENDED FOR A MATURE AUDIENCE ONLY! IF YOU
FIND THIS TYPE OF MATERIAL OFFENSIVE, OR IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, OR UNDER THE
LEGAL AGE TO VIEW SUCH MATERIAL THEN PLEASE READ NO FURTHER.


The author retains the copyright, and any other rights, to this
original story.  You may not publish it or any part of it without
explicit authorization from me.

This story is kind of a prequel/sequel to another story I wrote
called The Diary which appears in the college section.  That
story is not complete but work should resume soon.  I have
much more written for this story. I say 'kind of' because this
story is being written after that story but is earlier in time.
I took some liberties with 'history' and also any current day
events that might be referenced.

PLEASE NOTE: Feedback, both positive and negative, is welcomed
and greatly appreciated. Please understand this is just a hobby
so please don't flame me too bad.  Please email das11111@yahoo.com
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Chapter 18

Sunday morning I woke up early, got out of bed, pulled on some running
shorts and a t-shirt and got ready to run.  When I opened my door Josh was
sitting in the hall looking up at me.

"It's about time," he said.  "I almost went back to bed.  I thought you
were getting up early."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going running.  Do you have a pair of shorts I can borrow?"

"Of course, but I didn't think you wanted to go.  I was going to go so I'd
be back when you got up."

"I woke up to take a piss and decided you're right.  We should do things
together.  I don't like running because I've never done it much.  It's
painful but I can handle it.  Let's get it over with though, I'm hungry."

I smiled.  I knew he didn't really want to go. "Thanks," I said handing him
a t-shirt and shorts.

He just smiled.  "Don't thank me.  Now you'll owe me."

Josh was right.  He wasn't a very good runner.  He might be lean but as far
as stamina he wasn't in very good shape.  We started out at a slow pace but
even at that he was working pretty hard before we hit the end of the first
mile.  It might have been good for him to work through it but he was
breathing pretty hard.  I doubt he was enjoying himself.

I stopped and started walking but he just stood there holding his hips
gasping for air.

"You okay?" I asked rubbing his back.

"I told you I don't run."

"You're out of shape. You should give up smoking," I smiled.

"I don't smoke asshole. I can't believe you enjoy this."

I put my arm around him.  "Come on, let's just walk.  You'll feel better."

It took him a few minutes but eventually he was able to breath easier.

"Better?"

"I'll never understand why anyone would get up early to put themselves
through this much pain."

"It gets easier if you keep at it," I smiled. "After a while you don't feel
right if you don't do it."

"I can't wait," he said sarcastically.

"Does that mean you'll come again?"

"I'll think about it.  Are we going to keep going?  This couldn't have been
much fun for you."

I smiled.  "It's okay. Maybe it wasn't much of a run but it was fun.  Let's
go back and have breakfast. I'm just glad you came along. Thank you. I know
you didn't want to."

"Just don't expect it every day.  Besides, now you owe me."

I laughed.  "You want me to wash your back when you take a shower?"

"You'd enjoy that too much.  You have to do something I like."

"What do you want to do?"

"I'm still thinking.  I'll come up with something.  I need to go by my
house to pick up some things.  I'd better do it while my father isn't
there.  Will you help?"

"Of course.  We can go over after breakfast.  My father said something
about going too but we can handle it.  We can do whatever you want after
that."

"Thanks.  I should get some cloths and my guitar.  I'd like to take his PC
but I probably shouldn't.  There are some other things I should probably
get while I can too.  We might have to take more than one trip.  Is that
okay?"

"Sure, no problem.  Let's get some breakfast and then take a ride."

"Thanks," he said.  I could tell he was deep in thought and put my arm on
his shoulder.

"Don't worry, things are going to work out."

Mike came running across the street before he could say anything else.

"Dan, we need to talk," he said looking at my arm around Josh.  "Let's
run."

"Josh and I just got back.  We need to have breakfast and then go over to
his house.  We're studying together."

He looked at Josh.  "Can you go inside?  I need to talk to Dan."

"Josh, stay here.  What's up Mike?"  I asked although I was pretty sure I
knew what he wanted.  I was pretty sure someone at his house had seen Josh
and me come in last night.  I guess kissing him on the front steps wasn't
too smart but if Mike had a problem with it then now was the time to find
out.

"Okay...  I saw you come home last night.  You two were kissing!! ....Are
you gay?" he asked looking at me.

There was no point lying.  He already said he had seen us.  I didn't care
if he knew about me but thought Josh would be upset.  He didn't even want
my parents to know.

I know it sounded pretty stupid but I told Mike that while I'm gay Josh
isn't.  I tried convincing him that it was me who kissed Josh, that I had
misread things and got carried away.

"Josh set me straight," I said.  "He said he isn't gay but still wanted me
as a friend."

Josh smiled. "Dan, shut up," he said putting his hand on my shoulder.  "I
appreciate what you're trying to do but you don't have to lie to protect
me.  Besides, he's not an idiot.  We kissed each other. You know it, I know
it and Mike knows it."

"Wow... yesterday you didn't even want my parents to know."

"That was yesterday."

"Are you guys, ah, like boyfriends or something?"

I looked at Josh and smiled.  "We're friends.  It's a little premature for
anything else since we just found out about each other two days ago.  I
hope this doesn't change things between us though."

"I don't know Dan.  It does explain some of the stuff you've said but I
have to think about it.  I like you but thinking about two guys together
like that kind of grosses me out.  I know Josh was here last night and he's
here this morning.  He obviously didn't go home. I don't even want to think
about that."

"So what are you going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going to tell people?  Are you saying we're not friends anymore?"

"I don't know what we are.  I like you but... well, thinking that you might
be looking at me like that really creeps me out."

I couldn't help but smile.  "Mike... you don't have anything to worry
about.  I'm not going to attack you or anything.  Do you want to jump any
girl you see?"

"I just need to think.  I saw you and I wanted to ask.  I'll see you
later."

"Mike... I like you too.  I hope this doesn't end our friendship but if it
does then I can live with that. What I won't put up with is if you tell
people and Josh ends up getting hurt.  I'd never forgive you for that and
take this anyway you want but you would regret it.  Trust me... I'll..."

"Don't worry Dan.  It's your business.  I'm not going to say anything. You
helped me when I needed it and I won't forget that but I need to think
about how I feel. ...I need to go.  I'll see you later."

I watched Mike as he turned around and walked back to his house.  I was
kind of dumbfounded. It's not like we were best friends or anything but I
did enjoy hanging out with him and thought he was a good guy.  Maybe he
just needs time.

"You okay," I asked looking at Josh.

"I'm sorry Dan."

"For what?  I kissed you remember?  You didn't do anything.  I just hope he
means it that he won't tell anyone.  We don't need to give Phil any more
reason to do something."

"I don't think he will.  I don't know him that well but he's always been a
decent guy.  Let's give him some time."

"I guess that's all we can do.  Let's go have breakfast and go get your
stuff."

"Don't forget you still owe me for going running."

"You ran 50 feet!!  How much payback do you expect?" I laughed.

"I ran more than that.  You owe me."

"What do you want to do?"

"You'll see," he said as we walked inside.

My parents were sitting at the breakfast table when we walked into the
kitchen.  Josh seemed almost shy being around them in such an informal
setting.  While my mother was dressed, my father was sitting at the table
in his bathrobe.  That was normal for a Sunday morning although sometimes
even my mother just wore her pajamas until after breakfast.  Scott was
still in bed, also a normal event for a Sunday morning.

They had been talking before we came in. I don't know what they were
talking about since they stopped as soon as they saw us. I didn't like it
when they did that and it did seem to happen a lot. All I heard was 'that's
impossible'.

"What's impossible?" I asked after my father asked how our run was.

"Oh!! We were just talking about how much Josh and Aaron look alike.
They're almost like twins but that's impossible.  I was there when Aaron
was born.  Your mother and I were in one room and Chris and Jackie were
across the hall.  Jackie had a longer labor so Aaron was born after
midnight.  You were born the day before, but just barely.  You may have
liked teasing him about you being older but it really was just by a few
hours."

"That's right Dan," added my mother.  "You wanted to make your presence
known.  You came out screaming, Aaron was quiet.  Jackie and I joked about
it.  You did calm down once you and Aaron saw each other.  When we got you
home, you two would lay in the playpen and just look at each other.  It was
really cute."

While I obviously didn't remember lying in the playpen with Aaron, I did
have some early childhood memories of him.  We were always protective of
each other even back then.  I remember one time when there were a bunch of
kids over.  I don't know why, it's just something I remember.  One of the
kids took a toy and pushed me down.  Aaron came over and pushed him down.
I remember the kid going crying to his mother.  Aaron just gave me my toy.
It's funny how you remember some things.

"It has to just be a weird coincidence," said Josh.  "I was born in NH."

I wasn't sure that was all my parents were talking about but they weren't
going to say anything else.  All they said was they knew Aaron didn't have
a twin.  I knew that anyway.  I knew him all my life.  It is amazing how
much he and Josh looked alike however.  They really could be twins.  It'll
be strange if he ever meets Aaron's parents.  My parents looked at each
other but changed the subject.

"What are you guys doing today?"

"Josh wants to go by his house and pick up some things.  After that he says
I owe him for going running.  He wants to do something he likes to do but
he won't tell me what.  Going by his house will be okay won't it?  His
father won't be there, right?"

"It's probably a good time to do it.  His father won't be out of jail until
Monday at the earliest but I'd bet his lawyer will convince him to get some
help and check into a treatment facility."

After breakfast Josh and I took showers, separately, and went to his house
to pick up his things.  It really hadn't changed since Saturday.  The end
table Josh had knocked over when his father pushed him was still flipped
over beside the couch.  Josh just looked at it and went upstairs to his
room.

He really didn't have that much.  He said his father rarely bought him
anything and nothing really at all since he lost his job.  He did say his
father made him do the grocery shopping so he was able to use some of that
money to buy what he needed.  Everything else was a gift from his aunt,
including his guitar.  She had given that to him for his birthday a few
years ago.

It was kind of sad.  His room was devoid of most of the things I took for
granted.  There was certainly no computer.  There wasn't even a desk to put
a PC on.  He said he did his homework at the kitchen table and either used
his father's PC when he was too busy getting drunk or he used a school
computer when he needed to look something up.  He had a few books on a
shelf and a couple generic posters on the wall.  They weren't posters so
much as pictures of a lake.

"Do you want to take these?" I asked.

"No, they'll just make me remember," he said.  "I've spent too many hours
staring at those pictures.  It's stupid... I used to wish my father and I
could go out in a boat on that lake and fish.  I've never really fished but
I thought being in the middle of the lake, no booze, where it is quiet
would let us be a family again.  It's probably better it never happened,"
he said trying to smile.  "He probably would have just thrown me in."

"Josh!!!"  I didn't know what to say.

"It's okay Dan.  I told you my life sucked.  You and your parents have been
kinder to me in the last twenty-four hours than my father has been in the
last eight years."

I almost said something stupid like 'it couldn't have been that bad' but I
caught myself before the words came out.  I didn't know how bad it was and
even if it wasn't always that bad, Josh felt like it was and I had no
business trying to say otherwise.

"Are you ready?" I asked.  "Why don't we take this out to the jeep?"

"Yeah, There isn't anything else here."  He did put some money that was in
his bureau into his pocket.  "Twenty-seven dollars and fifty-three cents,
that's all I've got to show for myself."

"Trust me," I said.  "You've got much more than that to show for yourself."

"Let's go," he said.  "Being here is depressing.  Let's drop this stuff off
at your house and then I'd like to do something."

"Okay.  What do you want to do?"

"I'd like to show you a place I like to go.  There's a small mountain
nearby and I like to go hiking every once in a while.  It's peaceful."

I was surprised he wanted to go hiking.  I'd never done much hiking but he
said it wasn't really a hike, more like a walk in the woods.  We dropped
his things off at my house putting them in the guest room. He said he'd
unpack whatever he needed later but didn't want to unpack everything since
he probably wouldn't be there very long.

We told my parents we were going out for a while and got into the jeep.  I
had to get gas even though Josh said it wasn't that far.  It always
bothered me using the credit card they gave me to buy gas. I still thought
I should get a job but my parents didn't want me to.  They said working
part-time would take up time that I should be using for other things and
the money wasn't worth it.  I knew they meant I should be doing karate when
they said 'other things' and the more I thought about it, the more I
thought they might be right.  Studying karate sounded like the right thing
to do.  I still didn't like them just giving me money but they insisted and
said they just expect me to do good in school and help out around the
house.

"Tell me more about this place."

Josh smiled.  "It's really nothing special.  I just go there to relax.
It's kind of my place to get away and I want to show it to you.  Not many
people go there.  Sometimes I'll take a book and read all afternoon. That's
usually in the summer when I can ride my bike.  I don't usually go this
time of year since it's cold riding.  My father doesn't let me drive even
though I have my license."

"It sounds nice and peaceful.  So you just hike up the mountain?"

He laughed.  "I told you, it's more like a walk in the woods.  The trail
goes beside a stream and every once in a while you see a deer."

I laughed.  "I told him about the moose I saw one morning when I went
running with Mike."

"I've never seen one," he smiled. "I guess they're around. There's a small
waterfall part way up.  If it was warmer we could go swimming."

I clenched the wheel and my whole body shook when I heard him say
'waterfall'.  I must have jerked the jeep because I saw Josh jump and grab
the door out of the corner of my eye.

"Dan, what's wrong?  ...Are you okay?  .....Dan?"

"Sorry," I said trying to force a smile.  "Yeah, I'm fine.  Are we almost
there?"

"Yeah, it's about five miles."

We drove in silence for about ten minutes.  It was a back road and the
speed limit was only 35.  I was lost in thought.  I could feel Josh
watching me but he didn't say anything, neither did I. I know I had tears
in my eyes.

He pointed to a dirt road and said there was a parking area about a half
mile in.

"Are you okay?" he asked when we turned onto the dirt road.  "Why are you
crying?"

I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and looked at him. "Aaron died at the
waterfalls we used to go to."

He just sort of put his head back against the headrest.  "Oh man, I'm such
a fuck up. I'm sorry.  Why didn't you tell me?  We don't have to go."

"No," I said trying to smile.  "It's not your fault. You didn't know.
...It's fine.  I was just thinking.  It'll be fun."

"Will you tell me about it?"

"Let's wait until we get there.  I don't want to start crying like a baby
and hit a tree," I laughed.  "Tell me more about this place.  How often do
you come?"

"Not very often.  I told you my father won't let me drive.  I guess it's
sort of my escape.  Some people use drugs, I just come here to think.  I
prefer that approach.  After seeing what's happened to my father with
alcohol I don't want to go anywhere near that stuff or drugs.  It's too
easy to let it control your life."

"I agree. I've never understood why people get involved in that stuff.
Fortunately my parents kept pretty tight reins on me after Aaron died plus
Jason was there.  Once I told him I just wanted to get fucked up and forget
but he talked me out of it.  He convinced me it wasn't an escape.  I did
try to escape for good when I attempted suicide but that's not the solution
either.  Fortunately now I realize that things do get better," I smiled as
we turned into a small parking area.

Josh was right, we wouldn't be seeing many people.  There was only enough
room for four or five cars and there was only one other car besides us.  I
did have to agree with him, it was a pretty area.  The leaves had already
changed colors and had started falling from the trees.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked before we got out of the jeep.

I smiled.  "Yeah, I'm fine.  I was just thinking, that's all.  Let's go
Thumper."

- - -

We got out of the jeep and started walking along a narrow trail.  There was
a stream with crystal clear water running alongside.  Sunlight was coming
through the trees and shining on the water.  He was right about something
else too, it wasn't much of a hike.

We walked in silence for a few minutes before I said anything,

"It happened at the waterfall near our town.  We used to go there all the
time to be alone.  It was pretty isolated and nobody ever went there.  It
was our place. We'd usually go swimming ...skinny dipping," I said trying
to laugh.

"One day it had rained in the morning and it was still really humid after
lunch.  We went to the falls because Aaron wanted to go swimming.  He was
out of his clothes and climbing up the rocks before I had even taken off my
shirt.  I kind of took my time because I liked watching his butt as he
climbed naked up the rocks."

Tears were rolling down my cheeks and I wiped my eyes with my sleeve.  Josh
reached out and took my hand.

"It's okay Dan.  You don't have to tell me."

"No, it's okay.  I want to. ...Like I said, it had been raining.  The rocks
were wet.  We had climbed those rocks hundreds of times before but it
didn't matter.  He looked back and yelled for me to stop perving and to
hurry up.  Before he turned back he took another step and fell.  He slipped
on a rock.  We had jumped off those rocks for years and always missed the
rocks in the water.  It was easy if you jumped but Aaron fell.  He hit his
shoulder and head on a rock in the water."

Josh moved closer and put his arm around my back.  "It's okay Dan."

"I'm okay.  I haven't really told anyone the complete story. ...It was like
my heart stopped when I saw him fall.  I jumped into the water and rushed
towards him.  He was still conscious but couldn't move.  He was just
looking at me.  It was like he was looking inside me.  I didn't know what
to do.  I'd always heard not to move people because it could do more damage
but I couldn't leave him there either so I moved him to the edge of the
water as slowly and gently as I could.  He just kept looking at me not
saying a word.  I think he knew he was dying."

"I had to get help but our cells didn't work that far out.  I tried telling
him I'd go get help but he wouldn't let go.  He whispered for me to hold
him.  Later they told me it didn't matter.  There was nothing that could
have been done to save him.  The head injury was too severe.  If I had left
he would have died alone but by staying they said he had some comfort when
he went.  I still have doubts about that."

"What if I had gone for help?  Would he still be alive?  What if I hadn't
been watching?  If I had climbed up with him and hadn't been enjoying the
view he wouldn't have fallen.  I thought it was my fault.  I still do but
there isn't anything I can do about it.  I remember his eyes closing for
the last time right after he mouthed 'I love you'.  I just leaned down to
kiss him and felt his breathing stop."

"Dan, it wasn't your fault.  He slipped.  It was an accident.  You can't
blame yourself. Have you told anyone else you feel this way?"

"No, I know they'd just say what you did.  They'd try to convince me it
wasn't my fault.  Deep down I know it wasn't.  It's not like it was the
first time I watched him climb those rocks.  I just can't help blaming
myself.  I felt so guilty every time I had to see his parents."

Josh put his arm around me and we sat on some rocks.

"I don't know how long I sat there holding him.  Eventually some people
came looking for us. My parents got worried when we didn't come home.  They
knew we were going to the falls but they didn't know where it was for sure.
When they called for help the fire department sent some people to look for
us.  They found me holding Aaron's dead body, crying like a baby.  His
blood was all over me.  I couldn't even talk.  They said I was in shock."

"I'd say you wouldn't believe how hard it was but I'm sure with loosing
your mother that you do.  The short version is that I've been depressed for
the last year.  I've been going through the motions but nothing has helped.
At least nothing helped before meeting you.  I told you I tried to kill
myself.  I just wanted it to be me instead of him."

I felt Josh cringe when I mentioned suicide.

"Don't worry, I'm okay.  Seeing Scott crying when I woke up in the hospital
made me realize how stupid I was.  Maybe that's why I actually have some
sympathy for your father.  I kind of know how he feels.  Fortunately I
wasn't successful and my parents got me help.  It's still been hard.  I
haven't felt happy since that day.  At least until the other night." I said
looking at him and smiling.  "Friday night with you was the first time
since Aaron died that I really felt good."

"Dan, I don't know what to say.  I know what it's like to lose someone you
love.  I told you it's like I lost two people that day.  First my mother
then my father.  My Mom got killed in an accident too but I was lucky, I
didn't have to see it.  I was asleep in the back seat.  I didn't know she
died until the next day.  It was hard but when I saw her it was like she
was sleeping, not dead.  I can't imagine going through what you did."

I pulled him closer.  "Thanks," I said.  "I meant what I said about Friday.
It helped me realize that life does go on.  It was like a light went on.  I
can't say I'm 100% but I do feel a lot better."  I turned my head and gave
him a kiss on the cheek.  "Thank you," I said again.

He smiled.  "Why don't we walk a little more?  The waterfall isn't that
far.  We don't have to go if you don't want but I find them relaxing.
They're not that big.  Certainly nothing that we're going to climb up or
anything.  It's just nice to sit and relax."

"Let's go. ...I'm okay, really.  I wanted you to know how Aaron died.  I've
never told anyone the complete story or that I blame myself.  I thought you
should know."

"You should you know?  You should talk to your counselor."

"I think I just did."

He stood up giving me his hand to help me up as well.  We kept holding
hands as we walked further up the trail.  We didn't say much.  I guess we
were both lost in thought.  It was really peaceful.  We heard a few birds
and at one point saw a couple deer.  They ran into the woods when we got
too close however.

Josh let go of my hand when we saw two guys coming down the trail.  They
looked at us and smiled.  "Don't worry," the taller one said as he leaned
over and kissed the other guy on the cheek.  "I'm Darren and this is Jimmy.
We were just out for a walk but are heading back to the dorm to get some
homework done.  We're both freshmen at NH Tech."

"Hi, I'm Dan and this is Josh.  We're just out for some fresh air."

Josh blushed when Jimmy smirked.  "Yes, it is better in the fresh air,"
Darren said grinning.

I just smiled.  "It isn't like that.  We're only juniors in high school and
we're just friends."

"I never walked around holding hands with my friends in high school.  That
must be something new for 'just friends' to do."

That made me blush.  He had a point.  Claiming Josh is just a friend and
then holding his hand, or hugging him, or kissing him, is probably kind of
stupid.  The problem is I didn't know what he is.  I liked holding his had,
hugging him and kissing him.  I was pretty sure he liked it too since he
didn't object.

I was also pretty sure I was ready to move on.  I told Aaron I was.  Is
Josh the one?  I enjoy being with him.  I care about him and want to help
him.  I just can't bring myself to take that next step.  I feel it getting
closer though.  I know one of these times I'm going to tell him I love him
when I'm holding him. I just need to make sure it's what I feel and not
just what I'm feeling at the time if you know what I mean.  I know me.
Once I cross that line there will be no turning back.  Am I ready for that?
Is he?

"You guys are cute when you blush.  It's a nice day to see the falls.
Nobody else is up there so you'll have the place to yourself," Darron said
smiling more.

"We're really only out for the nature," said Josh although he turned even
more red when Jimmy laughed.

We talked for a few more minutes.  "Seriously guys, it's cool. Jimmy and I
have only been together for a few weeks and we really don't know any other
gay guys.  It's nice to meet some even if you're still in high school.  I
didn't know anyone in high school since I was scared what would happen if
people found out.  It's a lot easier in college.  We don't have to explain
things to our parents and most people around school don't care."

"My parents already know," I said.

"Wow!!!! How did they take it?  My parents would freak."

"My mom is okay but my dad is only starting to accept it.  He thought it
was a phase or something."

"That's great man, really.  Do you guys have cell phones with you?  Maybe
we could exchange numbers.  We can get together sometime for pizza or
something.  Don't worry, we're not looking to fool around or anything.
Jimmy is all I can handle.  It would just be fun to hang around with some
friends we can be ourselves with."

I looked at Josh who just shrugged.  "Sure," I said.  "That could be cool."
We exchanged numbers and said good-bye.  We debated whether we'd ever hear
from them as we walked up the trail.  We were probably both wondering if we
wanted to.

I reached for his hand as we walked but he pulled it away.  "Josh?  You
okay?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry," he said taking my hand.  "I'm just worried someone else
might see us.  Only Chris and Ryan knew I was gay before this weekend.  Now
it seems everyone is finding out. ....Don't worry, I'm just being stupid."

"It's okay.  Not everyone would understand two guys walking together
holding hands.  It's too bad.  Nobody would have a problem if one of us was
a girl.  Even with the better acceptance of gay people today I think a lot
of people tolerate it but don't really want to see it.  I've decided I
can't worry about that.  Back in Illinois I didn't advertise that I'm gay
but I didn't deny it either."

"I guess I need to get used to it," said Josh.  "I like holding your hand.
I just wish I could read your mind.  I don't know what you're thinking
about all this.  That guy was right, friends usually don't go around
holding hands let alone hugging and kissing. Are you only looking to be
friends or do you want more?  Don't answer that since I need to answer the
same question and I'm not sure I'm ready to do that either."

We kept walking.  It wasn't much further to the falls.  Josh was right in
that they weren't anything like the falls back home.  It was just nice to
be there with him.  There was nobody else around so we had the place to
ourselves. I stood watching the water run over the rocks.  There was only
about a five foot drop.  Josh said the area at the bottom was deep enough
to go swimming but the water was too cold.

"This is pretty.  I can see why you like it here."

"It's nice.  There is hardly ever anyone here."

We didn't say anything for a few minutes.  I'm sure we were both thinking
the same thing but neither of us wanted to start the conversation.  After a
couple of minutes I finally said, "Josh, we need to talk about what's
happening."

"I know.  I'm just nervous.  A lot is happening.  I'm not sure what I want.
I think I'm falling in love with you but everything is happening so fast.
Two days ago I thought you were straight and didn't know why you wouldn't
talk to me.  Now I'm here with you and at least for the time being I'm
living at your house.  That's quite a change in two days. I know I like
you.  I like you a lot.  I told you I've had a crush on you.  I even
believe that you see me as me and not Aaron, at least most of the time.  I
just can't imagine you feeling about me like you felt about him.  I don't
want to do something just because I think it's what you want.  I can't do
that.  I have to feel you want me and not just for sex.  On the other hand
I'm worried if I don't do something then I'll lose you."

"Lose me?  You're not going to lose me.  I know we got off on the wrong
foot but we're friends now aren't we?"

"I guess.  I mean yes.  I'm just scared.  I've never felt like this before.
I don't know what to do and I'm afraid I'll do or say the wrong thing.  I
don't want to make you wait because you'll find someone else but I don't
want to just do anything you want either."

"Josh, time out ... take a breath ....you're not going to lose me.  You're
right, there is a lot going on for both of us.  I'm not in any hurry.  I
need to figure things out too.  I'm not sure I'm ready to commit to
anything.  I know I like you.  I like being with you.  I like holding you
and I definitely like kissing you. Like you said, it's all happening so
fast."

He sighed. "I know.  It's as much me as it is you.  I'll be honest.  There
isn't much holding me back but I'm just scared to cross that line."

"It's okay.  I feel the same and it scares me.  On the other hand it
excites me.  Look how far we've come in two days.  Look at it this
way... you're holding back because you're a little scared, right?  This is
all new and you're scared you're going to get hurt?"

"Actually I'm petrified."

I smiled.  "I'm petrified too.  I'm petrified that I'm going to hurt you.
I want to make sure when I cross that line that it's for the right
reasons."

"So what do we do?"

"How about we keep going how we are?  Getting to know each other."

"I guess.  I'm just not sure how long I can wait.  I jerked off in the
shower after we ran just to keep me from getting too horny again.  That was
embarrassing the other night."

I smiled.  "You and me both... Tell you what.  How about we be somewhere
between friends and boyfriends?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you said friends don't hold hands and kiss and stuff like that but I
like holding your hand and kissing you."

"Yeah, me too."

"Then how about we say we're beyond friends but not quite boyfriends yet.
I'll even promise not to kiss anyone else or hold anyone else's hand but
yours not that there is anyone else I'm interested in.  Think of it like
giving each other the right of first refusal." I smiled.

"Like that's going to happen."

"What?  You won't promise that?"

"No ...I mean yes ...Of course I will promise that.  I just meant I'm not
really flush with opportunities to kiss other guys."

"Oh, I get it," I smiled teasing him.  "You'll take me because there's
nobody else."

"NO!!! That's not..."

I smiled.  "Relax, I'm joking.  Now come here. Let's practice some of those
more than friends, less than boyfriend activities," I said putting my arms
around him.  I felt his arms slide around me as we pulled each other close
and brought our lips together.  We stayed that way for a good five minutes,
holding each other tight and kissing passionately.  I even felt his tongue
against my lips so I opened my mouth and felt him push it against mine.

It felt fantastic.  My heart was pounding and I could feel the warmth and
passion oozing out of him.  He was also rubbing against me.  My mind was on
overload from the feelings I was experiencing.  It was all I could do to
not put my hands all over his ass or worse try to slide them into his
pants.  Finally I moved my lips and put my chin on his shoulder.

"You keep that up and it's going to be me who cums in my pants today.
Where did you learn to kiss like that?"

"I had a good teacher but I also wanted to show you that you don't have to
hold back.  I was surprised the other night, that's all.  I wanted to show
you I knew how to kiss even though I'd never done it."

"I didn't want to scare you."

"I know but there's no need."

"Let's talk some more.  I don't want to go home with a big stain on my
crotch."

"What do you want to talk about now?"

I gave him a big smile.  "Let's talk more about being boyfriends"

"What?  You just said we didn't have to make that decision now.  I didn't
think you wanted to jump into anything."

I smiled.  "I don't.  I just want to talk about what that means to me.  It
may not mean the same thing to you.  You might not even want the type of
boyfriend I do, I don't know.  Perhaps you just want to slut around and
only have some good times," I laughed.

He frowned when I said that.

"It's just that I've had a boyfriend before, you haven't.  Aaron was not
only my boyfriend, he was my best friend.  All those things I said in class
that day he and I had them.  There was nothing we couldn't tell each other.
There was nothing we wouldn't do for each other.  I really would have done
anything, including having it be me who died, if it would help him and make
him happy.  The best thing is that I know he felt the same way.  I'll be
honest.  I want that again.  I don't know if it's even possible but that's
what I want.  I know that's pretty deep for a couple of sixteen year olds,
especially one who has never had a boyfriend before."

"Dan, it's not that I don't want that.  It sounds great.  It's just that
this is all new and I can't imagine anyone caring about me like that.  My
mother was the last person who actually loved me.  Since then I've felt
there must be something wrong with me.  If my own father can't love me then
why would anyone else?  I'm having a hard time believing that you could see
me like that.  I'm nothing special."

"Josh ...please don't say that.  You don't see it, do you?"

"See what?"

"You're a great guy.  I'm really amazed at how good a person you are given
all you've been through.  That's all you, nobody else and it is special.
You should be proud of the person you are.  Don't let a few jerks or the
fact you might not have many friends because your father wouldn't allow it
influence your opinion of yourself.  I don't even want to imagine how I'd
be if I had to deal with half the stuff you have to. Look how I was after
Aaron died and I had all kinds of family support."

"I guess," he said unconvincingly.

"Josh ...the only reason I don't want to use the love word and the
boyfriend word now is that we both need to be sure.  It's not that I don't
want you as my boyfriend.  I need to be 100% sure I don't see you as Aaron
and you need to be sure it's me you want and that it's not simply because
this is all new and exciting."

He laughed.  "You're the one who said he is excited today.  How about less
talk and more of the less than boyfriend but more than friend activities,"
he said as he wrapped his arms around me again.

"Mmmm, I like that idea too," I moaned.

We held each other kissing and moaning without saying anything
else. Holding him felt good.  My insides were doing flips.  I knew I loved
him but I didn't want to tell him that yet, or at least like this.  I
didn't want him to think I was just saying it because I was horny.  The
thing that struck me was that I never once confused him with Aaron and that
made me feel good.

We finally broke our kiss and smiled at each other.  "I've never kissed
anyone like that," he said practically giggling.

I smiled.  "I promise I won't hurt you."

He smiled.  "We should get going.  If we don't and we keep doing this then
I won't be able to stop."

"I know," I sighed. "I don't want to leave but it is getting late and I do
have some homework. Besides, if I feel you against me anymore then I'll be
the one who cums in his pants."

"Oh yeah?" he smiled and wrapped his arms around me again pushing his thigh
against my crotch.

That's all it took.  I felt myself cross that point of no return and knew
there was no use fighting it.  I held him tight and just let it happen, my
body shaking.

"Ohhh Josh, you did that on purpose," I moaned as I felt cum shooting into
my jeans.

"Yup," he smiled.  "Now we're even.  I hope you still have that towel in
your jeep."

"Asshole," I smiled giving him a kiss.  "Let's go find out."

To Be Continued