Date: Mon, 11 Jun 2012 02:56:10 -0700 (PDT)
From: Tyler Adams <tyleradamsbooks@yahoo.com>
Subject: The Paths We Chose ch 11

     Chapter 11

     "Oh dear," I heard Mrs. Johnson say, as she hurried to the bathroom
door. "Alex? Are you sick?
     When I didn't' answer her or make a sound for a few minutes, she must
have started worrying about me, because the next thing I heard was her
calling: "Ed, can you please come here?"
     "Hun, Alex is in the bathroom and I think he's sick or something. He
won't answer me. Do you think you should go in to check on him, to make
sure he's okay?"
     A light rap on the door, and Phil's dad asking, "Alex?" didn't help
calm me down. The Johnson's were some of the nicest people I had ever
met. I often thought they treated me more like a son than my own parents
but that didn't mean they were actually willing to have me be one...
especially if they found out the reason I bailed from home. I heard the
doorknob jiggle and the lock popped open. "Alex, I'm coming into the
bathroom, are you okay?"
     I quickly stood up and moved toward the lavatory, burying my eyes in
the crook of my arm to wipe the tears on my shirt sleeve as I did. Nothing
more was said as I splashed some water on my face.
     "Ah, dad? Can we talk for a minute?" Phil asked, breaking the
silence. I shot him a look of desperation before he left the bathroom. I
think he understood the importance of his next words. I could hear them
talking, and after filling his dad in with the details of what I had told
him, he asked his dad if I could stay with them until things settled down a
little.
     "Phil, you of all people should know that running away doesn't solve a
person's problems."
     "Dad" he pleaded, "He can't do it on his own. Even I had to go away
for a while to get my head straightened out. Maybe God just wants to see if
we really believe the things we say we do. ...You know, like the `Good
Samaritan'."
     I never even considered that I'd be walking into a trap like that, but
I was desperate and figured I could deal with that later. Whatever.
     I looked out the doorway, and saw Mr. Johnson rough Phil's hair, like
he was proud of him.
     "I'll talk to your mother about it, Phillip, but don't get your hopes
up. Ellen..."
     Mr. Johnson headed to the kitchen and Phil came back into the
bathroom. I was leaning on the edge of the vanity, and the way I felt,
probably looking as if my entire future hung on his parent's decision.
     "You look really bummed."
     "I feel like such an idiot. What if your parents say I can't stay
here? I don't have anywhere else to go because I can't go home. My mom
hates me for being a guy. She always wanted me to be a girl. Phil promise
you won't ever tell anyone, but she... she used to try to get me to dress
like a girl. I mean, when me and Daryl were younger, she used to get us to
play dress up and I always had to be the mom. She used to call me Alexis
all the time and made me lie to dad when he'd see me, telling him I begged
her to let me wear girl's clothes."
     I hadn't noticed that Phil's parents were standing just outside the
bathroom door when I told him that.
     "Oh, Alex."
     My head snapped around to see Mrs. Johnson rushing into the
bathroom. She hugged me real tight. I felt even worse, realizing that they
now knew my next to darkest secret.
     Mr. Johnson squeezed Phil's shoulder, and told him to go order a
couple of pizzas for supper. They said they wanted to talk to me in
private."
     The way Phil left the bathroom, shaking his head, and looking
disgusted, I doubt he was shocked by what I told him. Maybe he was
surprised that my mom actually wanted me to dress like girl, but I doubt it
really surprised him that she would do something that weird. He told me
once that she kind of gave him the creeps when she was around -- like she
could look right through a person without seeing them.
     I almost had to run back into the bathroom when Mr. Johnson went to
get the phone so he could talk to my parents about me staying here for a
while. I just had this sinking feeling in my gut, that they would say no
way, and send the police to pick me up.
     Someone must have picked up the phone at my house, because Mr. Johnson
left the room. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I figured it must
be mom by the way he was having to almost argue into the phone to get them
to understand why I needed to get away for a while. I can sure understand
why Phil likes his dad so much. I mean I'm not even his kid, and he sounded
like he really cared about me. Five minutes later, feeling incredibly
relieved, Phil's dad hung up the phone, breathed a sigh of relief, and told
me I was staying for a while.

     I went to the kitchen to find Phil so I could tell him. Miffed that he
wasn't there, I suddenly heard a shriek from outside, and Phil yelling
"gotcha!"
     When Phil's brothers come up in conversation, he usually refers to
them as `the twin rats' or `thing one and thing two,' and acted like he
hated them. He even called them the little brats one time, but I knew if it
ever came down to it, he'd defend them to the death. Daryl and I always got
along together, too, but I'm not sure how willing either one of us would
have been to give up something really important to help the other out of a
jam.
     I stepped outside and watched Sam and Arn warily inching toward the
pile of leaves Phil had raked. Aaron was the braver of the two, and made a
quick hop to the edge, then just as quickly hopped back.
     "You do it Sammy."
     "No way. What if he's in there?"
     "Scaredy Cat," Aaron taunted.
     "We'll do it together. ...That way if he can only get one of us. One,
two, three!"
     The second Sammy counted three, the pile of leave erupted and Phil
dove toward his screaming brothers. I don't think I ever heard so much
laughter before in my life as Phil dragged them into his lair and they
disappeared under the leaves. It almost made me want to join them, but I
didn't want to spoil their fun.
     Things got suddenly quiet. Then the chanting began. "Alex..." someone
called in an eerie voice. It must've been Aaron, because I heard him ask,
"Did I do it right, Phil?"
     "Of course you did, Squirt. Keep saying it."
     They all three were calling my name at the same time, and even though
I really wasn't in a party mood, I played along with their game and moved
toward the leaf pile.
     When I got to the edge I was greeted with a quick, "ssshhh."
     "Look. I don't..." was all I got out of my mouth before I heard Phil
command "Now!" and the leaves were flying at me by the bushel full. I tried
to move back when Sam and Arn flew at my waist, but Phil must have wrapped
his arms around my ankles and I helplessly fell into the pile alongside
them.
     Next thing I know, all three of them are sitting on my chest, whooping
and hollering that they won.
     "Let's do it again," Aaron begged as he tried to lift Phil off me.
     Phil had his knees on either side of my waist and had my arms trapped
above my head with one hand. "I hope you're into entertaining brats," Phil
laughed, "...`cause I'm gonna enjoy doubling up on those two." He took his
free hand and swatted a pile of leaves over my face before standing up and
offering his hand to me.
     "Do it again," pled Phil's brothers, each grabbing a different leg.
     "It's Alex's turn to hide," Phil informed them.
     They didn't seem too excited at that, and just looked in my direction
to see what I would do.
     "Bo-o-oys," Mrs. Johnson's voice boomed from the house. "Pizza's
here. Come and wash up."
     "Saved by the bell," Phil joked as he swooped Aaron under one arm and
Sammy under the other, and staggered toward the kitchen door. When Sammy
managed to wriggle free, I was right there to scoop him up. I felt Sammy
tense when I grabbed him but he let me carry him into the house before
sliding out of my grip.

     I'm not sure why, but unlike all the other times I had eaten with the
Johnson's today seemed different. Sammy and Arn hardly spoke, and Ed seemed
like he was having trouble finding anything to use as a conversation
starter. I finally excused myself from the table, and by the time I got to
the TV room, their table banter sounded like it always had in the
past. That's the first time I felt it. It started as a little twist in the
pit of my stomach, then spread steadily until all I could think about was
that I just wanted to go somewhere to hide and cry my eyes out. All they'd
done to make me feel welcomed in the past was just a game. Now I was
nothing more than an intrusion. Neither Sammy nor Aaron had wanted me to be
`it' and hide in the leaf pile. When I picked up Sammy after he wriggled
out of Phil's grasp, he was just being polite by letting me carry him. Then
at the table... I never felt like an outsider until today, but the way
their carrying on practically exploded after I left the table made it
painfully obvious that even though they told me I could stay with them, I
wasn't going to be a part of the family.
     When Phil finally found me sitting on the floor beside his bed, he
looked at me questioningly and asked what was up.
     "My aunt called and said she heard what happened. She wants me to come
and live with them."
     "Oh. Cool, huh?"
     I couldn't tell if Phil was trying to show support for me, or if he
actually was glad that I wouldn't have to live with them.
     "When would you have to leave?"
     "She said I could pick up my ticket right away." It was all lies. I
hadn't talked to her since last Christmas.
     "I can get my dad to drive you."
     "I guess I never really unpacked so you think he'd mind taking me
right away?" I don't know how I kept my eyes dry; I must have just been in
survival mode.

     "So where does your aunt live," Mr. Johnson asked me on the drive to
town.
     I'm glad I had thought that one through in advance. "Meadville," I
told him. I knew that was the town, but truthfully, I had no idea where in
Pennsylvania it was located.
     "We'll wait here to make sure everything's okay with your ticket."
     "That's okay Mr. Johnson. Aunt Crystal said she had it all set up."
     "Mrs. Johnson would have a fit if she found out I let you here without
seeing you off."
     I suddenly got very defensive at that moment. I mean my back was now
totally up against the wall. Either Phil's dad was calling my bluff, or he
was too nice to let me fall through the cracks. "I'm old enough to figure
things out if something gets messed up."
     "I have no doubt about that, Alex. I'm just asking you to put yourself
in my shoes. I agreed with your mother to look after you for a few
weeks. How would Mrs. Johnson and I ever live with ourselves if something
happened to you?"
     I walked over to the ticket counter and amazed myself by asking the
agent if he had a ticket reserved in my name bound for Meadville.
     "Erie?" the ticket agent asked.
     "Is that near Meadville?"
     "That's about as close as we can get you."
     "That must be where the ticket's for, then," I told him confidently,
hoping Mr. Johnson would hear it and be satisfied.
     "Your name?"
     "Alex Harper, but the ticket may be in my Aunt Crystal's name."
     "No Harper. Does your aunt have a last name?"
     He looked at me suspiciously when I told him to try Willis.
     "How about I see if there are any reservations to Erie, and then you
can keep guessing until you get it right?"
     "He won't leave until he knows I've got my ticket. Could you just like
print something out and hand it to me so he can go away and not worry about
me?"
     I glanced over just in time to see Phil's dad looking at me and
folding his cell phone. I almost ran when he started walking over to me.
     "You won't get far," the man behind the counter advised. "Are you in
some kind of trouble?"
     "Alex, life is hard," Mr. Johnson softly whispered in my ear as he
wrapped his arms around me. I felt my body tense just like Sammy's had when
I picked him up to carry him. "Most guys don't find that out about that
until they're out on their own. You're finding it out earlier than most,
but you'll survive. We're going to help you get back on your feet again."
     He held me until I felt uneasy enough to force myself free from his
embrace.
     "I know things didn't go too well at dinner, Alex. Give the boys a
little time to get used to having another brother around the house. We're
also going to be praying for your mom and dad to find healing too. Lord
Jesus, flood Alex and his parent's with your love, and guide them to find
wise council."
     The drive back to Phil's house was painful. I was sulking. Phil, I
don't think knew what to make of the whole scenario, and Mr. Johnson, kept
trying to make small talk. Finally when he was near my house he told me he
had been on the phone with my dad when I was at the train station.
     "Your dad said that no one was home at the moment, so if you wanted to
pick anything up, you could do it now."
     "I'm good," I told him, thinking there were a few things I'd like to
have but not wanting to go anywhere near the house I was supposed to call
home.

     Mrs. Johnson insisted that I create my own Mii character before they
could start any of their Wii games that night. I chose dark hair, dark
skin, a big bushy moustache, and dark glasses.
     "That doesn't look like you, at all" Sammy told me. "It's suppose to
look like you when you're done."
     "I can make it look anyway I want," I sharply criticized. "It's just a
stupid game, Twerp."
     "Is not," he protested. "And you're not supposed to call anyone names,
either."
     "That will be enough, you two. Sammy, Alex is allowed to make his
character look the way he wants it to look. And Alex, we do ask that you
don't resort to demeaning name calling while you're here."
     "Can I have a moustache?" Arn was quick to ask.
     She told him yes, but I don't think she was impressed with my negative
influence on her youngest son.
     "There. Now can we get on with the game?" she asked after pasting a Fu
Man Chu, on Aaron's Mii. "Alex, since you're the guest, you get to pick the
first game."
     "What's the shortest one? I don't really feel like playing."
     "We could have a boxing tournament," Arn suggested. "I always knock
everyone out right away."
     "Braggart," Phil complained like it was true.
     My first opponent was Phil. It took him all of three punches to knock
me out. He looked more disappointed that I hadn't tried than happy that he
beat me.
     I had expected that since it was a tournament, once you lost you were
out. Not so at the Johnson residence.  The tournament wasn't over until
everyone had faced everyone else. Mr. Johnson tried to not throw punches
that would knock me down, but in the end, I managed to lose anyway.
     My final opponent was Aaron. I just couldn't get used to calling him
Arn, like everyone else.
     I planned to see if he could knock me out with one punch, so I just
stood there. He knocked me down but unfortunately for me, not out.
     "That's no fair," Aaron complained. "You're not even trying."
     I'm not sure where it came from, but suddenly I was boiling mad. How
could this little pipsqueak treat me like he didn't want me around and then
complain that I wouldn't give him a fair fight? The bell sounded again, and
I took a mighty swing and knocked him flat. He looked surprised and then
dug in.
     I knocked him flat a second time, and then knocked him out as soon as
he got up.
     "Dude," Phil crowed. "No one's ever done that to Arn."
     I handed my controller to him and went back to sulking.
     "I want to play Phil again," Aaron complained.
     Phil really was pitiful at this game. He got knocked down twice, and
then looking at Aaron's smug face, I put both my arms around Phil and took
control. We had him knocked out before he knew what was happening. I hadn't
expected it. I mean it's not why I put my arms around him, but suddenly I
didn't want to let go. Mrs. Johnson looked shocked when I opened my eyes,
chin resting on Phil's shoulder, still holding on to him.
     "Phil, you get to play Sammy again," she said nervously watching the
two of us. It kind of surprised me that Phil wasn't trying to escape, but I
let go of him and moved back.
     It didn't take long for Sammy to finish off his brother, but all the
while, I could see Mrs. Johnson eyeing me up while I hatched a plan in my
mind for after everyone was in bed.

     I was rather surprise when I came out of the bathroom after brushing
my teeth to see Phil's dad dragging two air mattresses into Phil's
room. Phil looked embarrassed as he helped his dad inflate them.
     "I thought we could have a guy's night together," Phil's dad told us
as Mrs. Johnson covered the mattresses with bedding.
     I looked at Phil questioningly.
     He shrugged his shoulders and apologized with his eyes.
     "I get the bed, and you two can sleep on the floor," Mr. Johnson
announced before heading out of the room.
     "What's that about," I asked as soon as I was sure he was out of
earshot.
     "Ah... Dad asked me if I knew what you and your mom were fighting
about. I think mom kinda noticed us when you didn't let go of me after we
beat Arn to a pulp."
     "What?" I asked, hoping to find out what Phil's reaction to the
cuddling would be.
     "Please don't make things hard for me, Alex."
     His eyes were pleading with me to not press the issue, but I could
smell victory. It hadn't taken me very long on Friday to figure why Casey
was the way he was. He wasn't into having a boyfriend at all. All he wanted
was to have another guy to mess around with anytime he felt the stirring --
a friend with benefits. I finally understood what he had told me that day
in the store. I found out at the party he wasn't too particular as to whom
the friend was either; as long as he was getting the benefits. I needed
someone to belong to, and now I was more sure than ever that I wanted Phil
to be that someone. I wanted him to be more than just my friend, and unless
I was totally missing something, which I was sure I wasn't, deep down, Phil
wanted the same thing.
     "Well guys, time for bed," Mr. Johnson announced as he came back into
the room. "We've got to get up for church in the morning."
     Lying on my mattress, I waited for Mr. Johnson's breathing to fall
into a steady cadence before I made my move. Phil was apparently wasn't
sleeping either, because when I slipped under his covers I felt him tense
and then relax a bit as I snuggled up to him. He felt so soft and warm. My
lips made their way to his neck and I gently nibbled his skin. He turned to
look at me. I'm sure he was about ready to give in to my already puckered
lips when a knotted sock bounced off my head. "Alex, please move back onto
your own mattress unless you'd rather sleep on the sofa."
     I wished I could've disappeared through a crack in the floor as I
scurried away and pulled the covers over my face.
     "Sorry," I mumbled. "I just felt so lonely. It won't happen again," I
promised, knowing full well I had every intention of making sure that it
did.
     Awaking to an empty room Sunday morning, I made my way to the kitchen,
not sure of what was awaiting me. Phil was sitting on his dad's knee. His
dad was leaning forward and had his arms wrapped around Phil's waist. When
Phil saw me, he stood up, breaking his father's embrace, with his face
turning a deep crimson red. Judging by the way he looked most mornings when
he got on the school bus, I guessed he hadn't slept well.
     "I need to ask you to forgive me for what happened last night, Alex. I
asked dad to sleep with us because I was afraid of what might happen if we
were alone. I don't want to be like that, Alex, so I thought if dad was
there nothing could happen." If it were possible, I'd say his face was now
an even deeper red than when he first noticed me.
     "Alex," Mr. Johnson interrupted. "I want you to know that we want you
to be here. I also want you to know that Phil has asked me on more than one
occasion to help him overcome a certain something that's going on in his
life right now. Please don't take this wrong, but while you're here I'm
going to have to insist that the two of you sleep on opposite sides of the
room, and that you do everything in you power to help Phil avoid doing some
things that he's committed to God not to do anymore. I think he's already
told you what those things are, so to avoid further embarrassment, I won't
go into detail unless you need me to."
     "Ah-h-h... No sir. I guess I understand."
     "Thank you, Alex. I'm sure everyone will adjust quickly to our
situation. Now, you think you can be ready for church in fifteen minutes?
You don't have to dress up. Jeans and a tee will be just fine."
     Again I stammered, trying to think of a way to avoid going to church.
     "I guess we haven't had a chance to go over any ground rules of the
house, but one thing on the list is that if you stay here, then you give up
two hours of your Sunday to fellowship with other believers. You can
probably skip breakfast this morning. You'll find coffee and donuts when
you get there."
     "Thank you, sir," I told him as I turned to go get dressed. Maybe I
could sneak back into my house and find enough money for a bus ticket, and
just show up at Aunt Crystal's place.
     I felt like everyone was staring at me when we got to church. Phil
introduced me around but I absolutely hated it when the first thing out of
everyone's mouth was "So... are you saved?" or "What church do you go to?"
Thank god Phil noticed it to, because after the first couple of guys asked,
he stopped introducing me.
     Phil really got into the music. I had no idea there were churches that
had rock bands leading the singing. After Phil noticed me watching him
sing, he kind of backed off a little like he was embarrassed about it or
something. The sermon was boring, even though the guy walked around a lot
and interacted with some of the people while he was preaching. The longest
part of the morning though, was at the end when he started asking people to
become Christians. He said something like "Those of you who need Jesus know
who you are," or something like that, but I knew he was just saying it for
my benefit. I almost got up and went to the bathroom, but that would have
been kind of obvious, so I just looked down at the floor and pretended to
be praying like Phil.
     All said and done, I still couldn't figure out what religion was
about. After lunch, Phil told me that after his parents had sent him to
boot camp, his mom and Ed -- that's Mr. Johnson's name, had turned to
some friends of theirs for help. That's when they "found Jesus." He told me
that he found out later, that they were desperate to know how to handle all
the guilty feelings they had for sending him away like they had. I'm sure
he was trying to get me to convert to his religion when he told me that it
was at those meetings that they found out they didn't have to carry the
burden of a son-gone-wild all by themselves.
     "My mom became a Christian first. She spent an entire day with another
lady whose son died in a car accident after going to a party. My dad
couldn't understand the change in my mom after that. Like instead of
fretting over things she couldn't control -- namely both her past and
mine -- she dealt with her guilty thoughts by stopping what she was doing
and asking God to help us all to get through the mess we were in. She told
me that it was two months to the day after I had left for camp that dad
went fishing with a guy from her support group named Stu, and when he
returned home she knew right away that he was a different man than the one
who had left in the morning.
     "Dad told mom that he had been so concerned about me getting into so
much bad stuff that he never even considered, that in his own way, he had
been just as bad as I was. Mom said that Stu told dad that everyone needs
to get right with God by admitting their failures, and inviting him to take
control of their life -- that it wasn't good enough in God's eye to just
be better than someone else."
     Phil stopped there and looked at me like he was hoping I'd "get it." I
got it alright... I mean I'm not stupid. It's just that I didn't want what
he has, because what he has is the sole reason he won't even consider being
more than just my friend. After I didn't respond to what he had been
saying, he continued, like if he talked enough I'd finally say yes and
everything in my life -- including me wanting to have a boyfriend --
would just go away. Sorry, but I'm not buying it.