Date: Thu, 14 Jun 2012 03:17:47 -0700 (PDT)
From: Tyler Adams <tyleradamsbooks@yahoo.com>
Subject: The Paths We Chose - ch 14

     Chapter 14

     By the time three weeks had rolled around, I was getting used to the
way the Johnson family operated. There was no denying this was a very
different family than my own. For one thing, it seemed like they were
always happy – not that they never had any arguments with each other –
but when they did argue over something, one of them would eventually
apologize to the other, and then they were happy again. ...weird
     For the most part, Phil had done a credible job of not bringing
religion into every conversation. But that seemed so unnatural that it
somehow made me think about God anyway. I guess what made it all tolerable
was that I felt safe here. And it was pretty cool not to feel like there
was a hand hanging over my head waiting to slap me every time I messed up.
     Friday after school Phil's dad was waiting for us. "Alex, your dad
called a little while ago and said he and your mom were ready for you to
come home."
     My legs turned to rubber, and I think the thing in my throat that goes
up and down when you swallow got stuck at the top. I so did not want to go
back there. That night, I decided that if religion was what made the
Johnson house so peaceful, then maybe I should try to take some of it home
with me. Maybe my family could change and be like this one.
     I was sitting on the air mattress staring at the glow in the dark
constellation stickers on the ceiling when Phil came in the room to crawl
into bed. "If I gave you one chance to convince me to become a Christian,
what would you tell me that you haven't already said?"
     I hadn't altered my gaze, but from the sound of his voice I knew
Phil's face must have lit up like the sun. "You serious? I can say anything
I want and you're just gonna lay there and listen?"
     "One chance," I solemnly reiterated.
     "Do I have a time limit?"
     "Fifteen minutes. ...and you'd better make it good, because after that
if you don't convince me, then we go back to talking about other things."
     "Give me a sec, k?"
     Phil shot out of the room, headed for I didn't know where. I could
hear him talking with someone but couldn't tell who it was.
     He came back into the bedroom a minute later, looking all business,
and began telling me a story I presumed to have been from the bible.
     "There was this guy who grew up with his brother on a farm. Back then,
you worked for your dad until he died and then you got to split his
property with your brothers and start your own farm. Well, he must have
hated farming because he told his dad he didn't want to have to wait for
him to die to get his share of the farm. Basically he was telling his dad
to his face he didn't want to see him again because back then, they threw
you out of the family if you did something like that. Anyway, his dad sold
half of everything and gave it to his son and the guy left.
     "He was pretty much just like I was back in ninth grade, because in a
few years he had blown everything his dad gave him. That's also when he
found out that he only had friends because he had money; and when he
stopped having money and didn't have friends, he didn't have anything to
eat either. Anyway, he got so hungry he decided to try and get his dad to
hire him as a slave because he knew his dad's slaves at least had food.
     "This is where it gets really amazing. Bet you can't guess what
happens next?" he asked me.
     "I know what my dad would do," I whined. "Tell me not to let the door
hit me on the way out."
     "That's not what this guy did. Jesus just told this story to show
people that God's not like that. Instead of being mad at his son and
telling him to get lost, he ran out to meet him and threw his best robe
over the guy's shoulders. The guy was like so excited that his son came
back that he had the best cow killed so they could party to
celebrate. Alex, the guy was so happy to see his son again he didn't even
rag to him about how messed up he was; he was just happy to have him be
part of the family again.
     "So anyway, like here's the thing; dude, God's just like that. From
the time we're born, we do our own thing, and we're out there trying to
make it on our own. All God asks is that we give him a chance to show us
some love. That's why I talk about him all the time. When I was down and
out, I gave him a chance, and even though some things are still hard, I'm
happy with what I have and who I am.
     "Are you happy, Alex?"
     "What do you think?"
     "I think your time has come, bro. All you gotta do is ask him to take
over your life and he'll do amazing things for you."
     I'm not exactly sure how he did it just by telling me a story, but
somehow my insides were twisting and tugging for me to ask him to help me
meet God for myself. "How do I do it," I asked, fully accepting that he was
right. I was tired of all the crap in my life and really did want to have
peace like he had.
     "Just repeat this prayer."
     I don't even know why I said it, because my original intention was to
live in a peaceful place, but I did. "He'll make me straight when I ask him
to?" It was a statement more than a question.
     Phil hesitated. ...and that broke the momentum considerably.
     "Look, I think I get it. ...what you've been trying to tell me. I'm
willing to say the prayer, `cause I'm really dreading moving back home, but
just said a person has to take the bad with the good, right?"
     Phil nodded confidently, knowing that he was gonna have a new church
buddy, but I was suddenly getting cold feet. "Unless he makes me start
liking girls, then I'm not sure I see the point, `cause if I'm still
lookin' at guys, then I'm not saying I won't have a boyfriend at some
point."
     I was confused at how easily Phil told me; "Your loss. You don't get
to bargain with God. You either turn your whole life over to him, or you
don't." It had to come as a shock to him when I suddenly changed my mind,
but he was acting like he didn't really care if I prayed the prayer or
not. Now I was confused – and worried.
     "What if I look for a Christian boyfriend?"
     "Alex, the whole point in giving your life to God, is giving your life
to God."
     "I don't think I get what you're saying."
     "You have to trust him enough to at least try to do what he says is
right. He'll get you through the tough times, but I promise they won't be
as tough as you think they'll be. Now are you gonna pray with me or aren't
you?"
     "You think your brothers left any ice cream in the freezer? I could
get into a bowl of cherry vanilla right about now."
     I could clearly see Phil was disappointed that he hadn't convinced me,
but he just chuckled and punched my arm before rolling into his sleeping
bag.
     Next morning I overheard Phil discussing our conversation with his
dad. I figured he'd be all bummed out over what happened last night, but
instead he was confidently telling Ed how long his camp buddy's grandma
prayed for him before the guy finally gave in.
     "I'll just keep praying for Alex and trust God to do the work."
     I wondered if I was a marked man.

     It was now November. Life at home was only marginally better than
before I moved out. My parents promised their counselor that they wouldn't
argue over every little thing, so instead, they just mostly ignored each
other, except when I happened to be in the room and mom could complain to
dad about something he did by telling me. I missed the quiet peace I felt
at the Johnson's and wondered if I made a mistake by not trying God "on for
size." I mean it's not like I had a boyfriend, or even had any hopes in
that department.
     It seemed like there was a new student in every one of my classes this
past week. Phase III of East Quaker Hills Estate was nearing completion,
people were moving in all the time. After school on Tuesday I "just
happened" to be passing by room 202 again, doing my almost weekly check to
try and see who was attending the club meeting. It seemed like when I told
Phil "no" that night, my mind had been bugging me to be honest about who I
am – my mind's good at thinking stuff like that. What my mind's not good
at doing is convincing my body to act on things that I'm afraid of. Why do
all the other people in this world make it so hard for someone like me to
be real? I wanted to get it over with, but there was just no way I was
gonna take a chance like that.
     Actually, it amazed me that no one had caught on to me wandering past
the door most every Tuesday, but as far as I knew, I was still flying
stealth.  This week though, things were different. I had just gotten past
the door, and had spun my head around to check and see if anyone had been
watching me, when I spotted him. He was headed straight toward me, and had
a big smile on his face.
     "Yo!"
     I almost wet myself when Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome actually talked to
me. Well he didn't really talk to me, unless "yo" is considered
conversation. "You better watch where you're going, hombre," he told me as
he stepped out of my way just in time. "Or else you're going to kill
someones. Ees this where the gay club meets?"
     "I think so."
     "Are you going in?"
     "Ah-h-h, not really!" I stuttered.  Then realizing that this totally
hot guy was seriously ogling me, I asked him "Are... Like are you going in
there?"
     "Yeah, I wan' to check it out."
     "A... Actually, I was thinking about it. It's just that I've never
been there before." He smiled at me, put his arm around my shoulder, said
"come on," and proceeded to walk me through the doorway that I had so come
to fear.
     "You have a boyfren, amigo?"
     "Not really."
     He dropped his arm from my shoulder, and held out his fist at waist
level. "It's a wonder. You're one totally fine cachas. I'm Eduardo Herrera,
but my friends call me Eddie. My family just moved here today."
     "Alex Harper."  I told him meeting his fist with mine. "I've been here
all my life. I mean, not here, but in Quaker Hills all my life. What class
are you in?"
     "I should be a senior, but they tol' me I didn't have enough credits,
so they're making me be a junior again. Tomorrow's my first day here... How
`bout you?"
     "Awesome!  I'm a junior too. You assigned a homeroom yet?"
     He pulled a piece of paper out of his back pocket and looked at his
class schedule. "Two-seventeen" he said.
     "Cool." That's me and my best friend Phil Johnson's homeroom."
     By now all heads in the room were turned to look at us, and more than
a few eyebrows went up when they saw me.
     "Alex Harper?  Oh – my – freakin' – god!" Rita Long called
from across the room with special emphasis on each word. "No way! I like
had no idea."
     My face instantly turned fire engine red. "Yeah, well... I... well I'm
sure you know how hard the first step is."
     With that she jumped out of her seat and came over to give me a big
hug. "This is like so, so awesome, Alex." I wanted to disappear when she
saucily asked, "Who's your cute boyfriend?"
     "Huh? Oh, ah... this is Eduardo Heh..." I looked at Eduardo because I
couldn't remember how to say his last name. That's when I noticed that he
was looking into my eyes, kind of like Phil does sometimes when he's asking
a question, and wanting to know if I was interested. I must be dreaming.
     "Herrera" he told her while looking straight into my eyes.
     I wordlessly asked him if I was reading him right by raising my
brow. His broadening smile told me all I needed to know.
     "I like, just sorta ran into him in the hallway outside the door," I
continued, hoping Rita was still listening but not looking for her. I was
too busy watching Eduardo's eyes checking me out.
     "I told you guys," someone in the room announced. "Dude, I've like
seen you go past here every week, checkin' us out, like forever."
     I looked at the floor, embarrassed that someone had noticed me hanging
around.
     The guy must not have cared though, because he got up and held out his
hand for me to shake. I was suddenly glad I hadn't taken up Phil on his
offer to join him in the pursuit of "straightness." I had found friends
here who were like me, and now I was wondering why I waited so long to join
them. The thought crossed my mind that the word "proud" had to do with the
way you felt when you conquered your fear and stepped out of the
closet. Okay, I had some help – but anyway, I did it.
     "Hey everybody, let's get started" called a female voice from the back
of the room where a circle of chairs were waiting for us. "We have three
new people here today so let's begin with everyone telling us their name
and a little about themselves" she said as we found a seat and sat
down. "I'll go first"
     Her name was Laura Engle. Next was Joshua Anderson, who had a wispy
voice and a wavy hand. I watched a few eyes roll when he said he'd never
been on a date, and didn't wonder why.
     "Caleb Kreider," said a kid who looked too young to be in high
school. "I came out last year, after someone found a picture that fell out
of my book in Comp class, of me and Cory Dixon holding hands at a birthday
party. It's been pretty tough for me at school since then. I think there
was only one day last week that I didn't have to pick my books off the
floor between classes. Cory's parents moved away on account of someone
telling them about the picture. My parents say they're trying to understand
me, but they keep bugging me to ask a girl to go on a date. I pretty much
just ignore them, though."
     Shelly Campbell introduced herself after Caleb was done. She seemed
like she was kind of like me; not really out of the closet and hoping that
when she got to college things would be a little easier.
     Eddie was sitting next to Shelly. "I jus' moved here yesterday. I came
out to my parents two years ago, and they're pretty cool with it. I really
love my parents and my family. I got an older brother who's at college, and
two younger sisters. They're pretty cool about me being gay too."
     I was still trying to get my head around Eddie's family accepting him
as gay when I realized everyone was waiting for me to start talking.
     "Wow, I didn't know any parent could be cool with their son being
gay. Ah... I'm Alex Harper. Um... I told my parents that I was gay about a
month ago," I said, glancing at Eddie to see his reaction. "My mom pretty
much blew a gasket when I told her. Things got so bad I had to move out for
a while. My dad doesn't say anything about it, but he kind of looks at me
like I make him sick." I'm not sure how many in the room heard that part,
though, because when I told them I had to move out, everyone gasped and
started whispering to each other. "Ah-h-h...I kind of wanted to come here
before, but... well I guess I was just scared." Eduardo slid his chair
close to mine and laid his hand between my shoulder blades. His touch sent
shivers through my body.
     "Where do you live now?" Caleb asked me, eyes wide; uncomprehending.
     "I ended up moving back after they got counseling. I stayed with a
`straight' friend for a while," emphasizing the word straight so I didn't
bring a lot of trouble down on Phil's back. I suddenly wondered what he
would say when he found out that I had come here and declared to the world
I'm not the guy they thought I was. I wondered if the jocks had some kind
of a list that they passed around, letting everyone know who to pick on
that day. If they did, I was sure that my name would be at the top of it by
tomorrow, and like Caleb I'd be picking my books off the hallway floor
between every class from now on. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after
all. ...Then I looked at Eduardo's smile, and figured maybe I could make
it.
     Just like when my dad saw my mom for the first time and knew he wanted
her, I knew there was something special between me and Eduardo that I
wanted. Although he was way hot in my book, it wasn't just something
physical that drew me to him. And even though he had golden brown eyes like
Casey, that wasn't what sucked me in either. I couldn't explain it if I
tried, but I felt like there was something inside me that instantly
connected with him. And, somehow I knew he felt the same way about me, too,
because of how he kept looking my way and smiling.
     "...so, what can we do to encourage other students who are afraid to
come out, to join us" Laura was asking the group. I had missed the last
four or five introductions.
     Nervously, I reached out and laid my hand on top of Eduardo's, which
was lying on my desktop. When he spread his fingers apart, I traced mine
between his. We closed our hands together and all I could think about was
that I made it to heaven before Phil did. I sat there without moving for
the rest of the meeting; afraid of waking up and finding that I had been
daydreaming.
     There was a lot of small talk at the meeting as well as a discussion
on what to do for the recruiting effort in January. Seeing me there, seemed
to steer the group's effort more toward reaching out to students who like
me, had been attending Quaker Hills for years and hadn't mustered enough
courage to walk through that door on any given Tuesday afternoon.
     I don't remember much else about the meeting. Frankly, I didn't really
have much interest in what they were discussing. I had found exactly what I
wanted to find, and now I wanted to leave with him.
     At last the meeting ended and Eduardo and I got up together to
leave. He draped his arm across my shoulder again as we walked toward the
doorway which would now lead me into a brand new world. As we walked, I
suddenly became aware of the rainbow theme of his tie-dyed shirt, and the
words "Rainbow Power" that were written in pen on the neckband. There was
no turning back now, when we left the room anyone who saw me with Eddie
would know my secret.
     I took a deep breath.
     I was ready. ...well, I thought I was ready.
     My heart jumped into my throat the minute I saw Phil leaning against
the row of lockers across the hall from us, skateboard propped up alongside
of him. I felt my face growing red again as he watched the two of us
approach. It's not like he didn't know I was gay, so why was him seeing me
with Eduardo so different than talking to him about Casey? I knew he
probably had already figured out what I was up to anyway or he wouldn't
have been standing there, but I had a lump in my throat.
     "Hey, Phil" I said sheepishly, forcing myself not to look at the
floor.
     "Hey Alex, I ahhh... kinda saw you wandering around the club room
after school and... well I saw you guys go into the room. I figured you
wouldn't be home when I stopped by to go to the skate park today. Anyway, I
just sort of came back here to hang around for a while to see if you were
still planning on going." Then holding out his fist toward Eduardo, he
greeted him with "I'm Phil Johnson."
      "Ah... well this is Eduardo Herrera" I told him.
     "Good to meet you hombre. Most of the guys call me Eddie."
     "He's new here, and he asked me if I'd take him to the club meeting."
     I hadn't realized I was holding my breath until, seeing Phil smile, I
began breathing again.
     "You skate board?" Phil asked eagerly.
     "Never tried it, but I've always wan-ned to. Sounds like it could be
fun if you and Alex here, would help me."
     "You're on... you guys want to go now? We could stop by my house and
get my extra deck."
     "Phil, that sounds cool, but actually my mom's coming by in a
few. I'll see you tomorrow in homeroom. Alex says that we're in the same
one, so we can talk about going then. Sorry, man"
     Eddie leaned in and looked like he wanted to kiss me. Phil noticed it
too, because just like that, he grabbed his deck and was off.
     He must have had a lot of practice, because it wasn't just a hit and
run kind of kiss. I felt myself letting go, even though I was more than a
little concerned that someone might see us.
     "That's so awesome that we foun' each other before I even started
school here. Let me taste your lips again, ése," Eddie cooed as soon as our
lips broke apart. He looked into my eyes for a moment, before closing them
again and sucking my lips into his mouth. All my troubles seemed far away
as I let him make love to me there in the hallway under the watchful eyes
of those two guys on the poster that hung by the doorway of room 202. Life
is good!