Date: Sun, 3 Jun 2012 17:23:52 -0700 (PDT)
From: Tyler Adams <tyleradamsbooks@yahoo.com>
Subject: The Paths We Chose ch 6

     Chapter 6

     The entire bus ride home, my insides were trembling. It wasn't shivers
from being cold, either. I was meeting Casey at the park. He said he
couldn't stay long but promised to make it worth my while to shake my
friend for a few. My mind racing, I ran into the house, changed my clothes,
grabbed a bottle of chocolate milk, and headed off. I was out of the door
in less than three minutes and at the skate park in less than ten. I was
kind of hoping Phil's orthodontist was running late, so I wouldn't have to
"lose him." The doctor must have been on time, because Phil was already at
the park when I arrived.
     "Phil," I nervously greeted him.
     "Hey Alex," he said as he moved toward me to tap fists.
     I reached out to meet his fist with mine, but somehow managed to miss
his fist because I was busy scanning the area for signs of Casey.
     "Okay, that was weird" Phil said as he made an extra effort to make
contact with my fist. "Something wrong?"
     "Oh, sorry, just thinking about something. You been here long?"
     "Just rolled in. Did you pick up my assignment for History class?"
     Phil could tell from the look on my face that I had forgotten to stop
by room 226 and ask Mr. Reynolds for the assignment like he had
asked. Rather than saying anything, though, he just kind of squinted his
eyes and looked at me strangely, like he knew something was up.
     For the next half hour, we putzed around the park, and every once in a
while I noticed Phil standing with one foot on his board, just staring at
me.
     "What's up with you today" he finally asked at two minutes to
four. "That's like the fiftieth time you pulled out your cell phone to
check the time."
     "What?"
     "You keep checking the time like every two minutes. Your mom tell you
you have to be home early today or something?"
     This was definitely bad timing on Phil's part. Casey's note had said
to meet him by the grove of trees behind the restrooms at four o'clock, and
now Phil wanted to have a conversation with me.
     "Look...  I have to use the bathroom really bad. I'll be back in a
couple of minutes."
     I rushed away, hoping Phil didn't decide to use the bathroom
too. ...or notice me duck around the side of the building and head into the
dense growth behind it.

     "Alex," an excited voice whisper-shouted through a particularly
overgrown area. "Over here"
     I felt his arms around my waist before I saw him, and he lifted me
slightly off the ground then dropped me. "You're more solid than you look,
Hot Stuff."
     I turned around, and there he was, his perfect white teeth gleaming
through his smile.
     We just kind of stood there for a while before he spoke.
     "So I take it my gaydar's still one-hundred percent accurate?"
     "You're really... um... you know..."
     "Gay?" he finished for me. "You ever been kissed before?"
     Wow. I've never felt my head spin so hard or so fast as it was now. He
put his arms back around my waist and pulled us together. I was aware that
I was holding my breath, but there was nothing I could do about it. I then
saw him lean toward me. I wanted to quickly scan the area behind me to make
sure Phil hadn't followed, but knew I didn't have time.
     It wasn't a deep smooshy kiss like the kind I'd seen on romantic
movies, it was more of a solid planting of his lips to mine, a slight
nibble, and then he pulled back to see what I thought.
     He pressed his hips even tighter to me and burrowed his nose to the
base of my neck.
     "You smell like I imagine heaven smelling."
     His warm lips were now nibbling up my neck and across my jaw. I just
stood there transfixed at what was happening. Then he put both his hands on
my head and steered my mouth to his. This time it was totally
different. This time it was just like in the movies, only better because it
was me who was receiving the affection.
     Almost as quickly as it had begun, it ended.
     "I am so glad I stopped here, Alex. I just wanted to give you a little
taste so you'd be hungry for more we get a little more time together. I've
got to get to work over at the Kwik-Stop. I start in like fifteen minutes."

     I made my way back toward where I had left Phil, trying to act normal,
but I must have still looked like a space cadet because Phil got this kind
of weird look on his face when he saw me.
     He stopped, and stood with one foot on his deck. "Ah-h-h..." he
stumbled. Then after looking past me toward the woods I had just exited, he
broke into a huge smile and asked me, "So Alex... dude, what's up with the
face?"
     "What d'ya mean?" I asked, feeling sweat break out on my forehead.
     "You're face. It's like you just found out you won the lottery of
something. What'd you find over there in the woods?"
     "Huh? In the woods?" I stammered. Oh god, how much did he see? I felt
all shaky inside again, only this time it was fear. "Ah... Nothing
really...  I mean, like what's wrong with my face..."
     "Dude, take it easy. I mean it, Alex, you act so gay sometimes."
     I choked on his words. How could he have seen us? I could hardly find
Casey even after he called my name. I nervously wiped my hand across my
face, hoping Casey hadn't slobbered on my cheeks and pled: "Phil, Shhhh
man! You don't have to tell everyone."
     "Tell everyone what?"
     He looked confused by my comment, so I figured out he just meant "gay"
in a general way.
     "You... you don't have to make people think I'm an idiot" I told him,
hoping that he wouldn't realize what I had reacted to.
      Phil contorted his face with another "that was weird" kind of look,
staring at me over top frame of his glasses.
     "Alex? What's up with you? You've been like out in left field all
afternoon."
     Things were headed downhill fast, and I had no idea how I was going to
explain my behavior if he kept pressing me for answers the way he usually
did when he wanted to know something.
     "It's nothin'. I mean... I can't say."
     "Mom always tells me that unless you've lost your voice, it's `won't'
say."
     Now I was the one who was confused. What did Phil's mom have to do
with our conversation. "huh?" I asked him, not picking up what he was
trying to tell me.
     "She busts on me every time I use the wrong word like you just
did. You should have said won't instead of can't. Sorry." Phil studied my
face for a few more moments before finally getting to the point. "Alex,
like you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but are you... I
mean... Well I just saw that guy you met at your locker the other day hop
in his car and drive off. Did he just meet you here or something?"
     I'm glad we were standing near a bench, because my legs suddenly felt
like rubber. I sat down and Phil stood in front of me with his arms crossed
and spoke mater-of-factly.
     "So, I guess that means you really are gay, huh? I was kind of
hoping..."
     He sounded so disappointed. With all that was happening in my life,
Phil's simple question overwhelmed me. I bit my lower lip as I tried to
gather up the nerve to answer him and tell him that he had me nailed. His
email yesterday said that he didn't think a person should hang around with
gay people. It also said that he was supposed to "love the sinner," but I
sort of had my doubts that he would actually do it. It felt like someone
had wrapped their hands around my throat and was squeezing. I could hardly
breathe. I really liked having a friend to hang out with after school and
now I feared I'd be alone again.
     I suddenly had a thought about how to maybe make Phil think that me
being gay was okay, too. Looking around quickly to make sure no one was
listening I took a deep breath, and then forced a smile as I licked my
parched lips. Hoping that enthusiasm might help him to focus on his God
answering his prayer instead of on my being gay, I started talking.
     "You remember that prayer you said for me before I went home last
night?"
     "Kind of. Why?" Phil asked.
     "You prayed that God would help me to feel loved and accepted. Don't
be offended or anything, but I never really believed in God like you do,
but now maybe I can see why you believe it, because this morning when I got
to my locker there was a note from Casey, that's the guy's name, and he
said he was `interested' in getting to know me." I could see that my run-on
sentence had Phil baffled. Phil, don't you get it? It was like God answered
your prayer. I mean it. It was almost like a miracle! Like maybe it's a
sign or something that God doesn't hate... you know... people who are a
little different in certain areas than everyone else."
     I realized Phil wasn't going to buy my theory when I saw the color
drain out of his face. "Well anyway," I continued, "I met Casey in the
library, and he said to meet me here... so, well... that's where I just
was. That's why I was smiling." I knew my face would turn bright red if I
said it, but I did it anyway. "He's a really good kisser."
     Phil just stood there with this horrified look on his face as I was
telling him about the answer to his prayer, and the longer I talked the
more convinced I was that he wasn't buying it. I had hoped that he would be
really happy that I had seen Casey as a godsend, but he was totally not
buying into it.
     "You think God answered my prayer by sending you a... a boyfriend?"
Phil asked incredulously as he grabbed the sides of his head, like he was
in anguish. ...and he says I'm a drama queen.
     "Well he's not really my boyfriend. I mean, we only met once," I said
defensively. "But I'm not saying he's not either."
     "Alex, you don't understand. God wouldn't do that. He made all his
creation male and female, and then he put them in the Garden and told them
to multiply. That's his design for everyone. He doesn't go around helping
people reinvent his creation just because they like guys instead of girls."
     I felt exposed. It was something in the way that he said those words
that unnerved me. Now I knew where he stood. ...And I also knew where I
stood with him. His words confused me, but not so much that I didn't know
what that sinking feeling inside of me was. Our friendship was over. ...and
I hated myself for sharing such private information with my closest... make
that, my only friend. I had wanted to believe that it wouldn't matter to
him – that maybe it would even open the door to other things – but I
guess that's just not how the rest of the world operates. I wanted to
scream `It's not fair,' because had it been a girl I had just met, everyone
would be like, "that's so cool."
     "You thought God would send me a girlfriend and she'd wave her magic
wand over me to make me straight?" I spit at him angrily. "You and that
stupid religious crap you're always trying to make me believe. Well maybe
your God created some guys gay, buddy boy, and doesn't expect them to go
around making babies. And in case you didn't notice, this isn't the Garden
of Eden."
     Phil just looked at me with a kind of stupid expression on his face,
like he couldn't figure out what to say to me, but I was on a roll and
decided that if Phil was going to hate me, then I might as well go for the
knockout punch. Maybe I had gaydar all along and never knew it.
     "You're just jealous of me Mr. Closet-Boy. I know who you watch. Like
that time you ran into me and wrote me that lame email to try and make me
believe you thought you recognized the guy you were staring at. Don't even
try and tell me you weren't checking out his abs. ...or was it something
else you were interested in? Maybe the real reason you don't want me to be
with Casey is because you were hoping he'd start hitting on you."
     "What?" Phil almost pleaded. I could tell he was near tears. "You're
wacked in the head if that's what you believe."
     Phil turned away from me with his hands still glued to the sides of
his head. When he turned around to face me again, he appeared calm and
collected, but still had his hands up.
     "Look, Alex, I know you don't go to church, but if you did, you'd at
least understand what I'm saying. The bible has a lot to say about sex, but
mostly it says that sex is for after you get married."
     "Who's even talking about sex? Did I say anything about me even
wanting to have sex with him? Doesn't the bible say not to judge others?
Maybe you should practice that a little more."
     Phil's "you're right," took me a little by surprise. "I guess I just
figure that's what gay guys do."
     "Well you're wrong. ...unless you believe kissing is sex."
     "It opens the door to it."
     I couldn't believe my ears. "What do you even know about being gay
besides what they tell you at those brainwashing classes every Sunday?"
     "I've done my homework." Phil emphatically stated. "I read that
seventy-five percent of gay guys over thirty years old have had over fifty
different partners. And they aren't talking about kissing."
     "So?" I answered him, although what he just said was rather shocking
to hear.
     "Fifty percent have had over a hundred partners."
     "What do I care?" I sassed at him, but not quite as harshly as before.
     "Alex, twenty-five percent of those guys have had sex with over
three-hundred different partners. That's why so many of them get AIDS. I
think that's why God doesn't want people to be gay. It's not because he
hates them, it's because he loves them."
     There he goes again – talking to me about doing what he thinks is
right based on a stupid book that was written thousands of years ago. That
was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.
     "Why don't you take your bible stick it where the sun doesn't shine?
No one wants to hear about it – especially me!"
     "I was just sayin'"
     "Well don't!" I snapped. I don't believe it. First you try to tell me
God is real. Then you tell me he answers prayers and you pray for me even
though I don't want you to, I might add. So when your prayers get answered
in a different way than you think they should you try to tell me it wasn't
God? Next you'll be trying to tell me the devil answered you prayer. Like
that really makes me want to get into religion."
     I felt the "f-bomb" boiling up inside of me. I somehow knew if I
opened my mouth and let it fly, it would be the equivalent of telling him
to go away and not come back. The tirade of curses I shouted next made
everyone in the area look, but I wasn't finished. "I spilled my guts to you
because you said you were all about love. I guess I was wrong. You're just
like those freaking gay haters they show on the six o'clock news."
      "Alex, wait." Phil pleaded as I turned and walked off. "... Alex..."