Date: Tue, 5 Jun 2012 15:36:46 -0700 (PDT)
From: Tyler Adams <tyleradamsbooks@yahoo.com>
Subject: The Paths We chose ch 7

     Chapter 7

     "Yo, Casey here."
     "Casey, it's..."
     "My man Alex" he finished before I could continue. "I was just
thinking about calling you to see if you wanted to get together on
Saturday."
     "Sure. I'm not doing anything at all Saturday. You want to meet
somewhere and hang out."
     "You sound kind of mad. Is everything alright?"
     I wanted to spill my guts to him about what just happened, but I
didn't even know him. "I'm cool. I just had a little argument with my
ex-friend, that's all.
     "Oh. Well ah-h-h... I can't really hang out. I mean, it's not like I
don't want to, but I have to work all day. I was just wondering if you can
meet me behind the Kwik-Stop on Center Street a little before noon. That's
when my break is, and I know where there's a perfect place behind the store
that we can get alone for a few. I can't wait to see you again."
     "What about after work? You want to maybe go to a movie, or else just
hang out or something? You could even come over to my house to watch
something on TV or play some X-box. I'm sure it'd be okay with my parents."
     "That'd be cool, Alex, but I'm kind of committed tonight and tomorrow
night."
     "How about Sunday during the day?"
     "Can't man. I'm going to visit my gram."
     Finding out that I wasn't going to be able to hang with Casey this
weekend was a total letdown. I began thinking about how I had just baled on
any possibility of being Phil's friend anymore. I really wanted to be with
Casey and move on with my life, but if he wasn't going to be available then
what was I gonna do with my time?
     "See ya tomorrow at noon, `kay, Alex?  I gotta jet, man."
     "Yeah, later, Casey."

     Leaning against the trash dumpster behind the Kwik-Stop, I was hoping
that I had the time and place correct. The instant I saw Casey walk around
the corner of the building, I got all shaky and nervous inside, but I stood
up straight anyway, and made my way toward him, forcing a smile onto my
face. He nodded toward the old barn across the alley.
     "We can go in there."
     I followed him through the splintered side door, and by the time my
eyes began to adjust to the darkness, I saw that Casey was leaning back
against the car that was parked inside.
     "Come here man. I been thinkin' about this all morning."
     I leaned into him and met his lips with my own. I couldn't believe it
when he pushed his tongue into my mouth. That's just gross I thought to
myself, but I never kissed anyone before so I didn't really know if that
was the right way to do it.
     He pulled his tongue back and parted his lips a little. It felt really
weird when the tip of my tongue found the empty space behind his teeth. All
I could think about was germs. That's when he snaked his right hand between
us. An involuntary groan escaped my lips. Phil's words about what "every"
gay guy did assaulted my mind and I felt my face heating up. I was glad it
was dark so he couldn't see it. It's not that I agreed with Phil that it
was necessarily wrong; it's just that I hadn't expected that's what he
wanted to meet me for. I mean, I hardly even knew him.

     "Guess I should be getting back then," Casey told me, all too soon.
     "Already?" I complained, pulling out my cell phone to see how long we
had been in the shed.
     "I only get fifteen minutes."
     I decided to follow Casey into the store and hang around until there
were no other customers at the check-out counter. Picking up a candy bar, I
stood staring at Casey's eyes as he checked some list by the cash register.
     Noticing that I was watching him, he glance around the store to make
sure no one was near and then leaned over the counter in my direction. I
puckered my lips, and leaned in to meet him.
     "You're awesome, man. What're you doing tomorrow?" He giggled when he
told me that he got off work at noon and could squeeze me in before he had
to go to his grams house.
     "I could go along to visit her."
     "That would totally not be cool" he said in a panic. "My mom's already
suspicious about what I like. She'd take one look at you and freak out
about why you were there. She sorta walked in on me and my last
boyfriend. ...nearly blew a head gasket and told me if she ever caught me
again I could find myself another place to stay. We were hardly even doing
anything."
     I blushed at my mental image of what "hardly anything" might have
been. Reaching into my pocket to pull out a dollar to pay for the candy
bar, I held onto the bill when he took hold of it, puckered my lips, and
tried to pull him toward me. He just gave the bill a smart tug and put it
in the register.
     "I think the company's policy includes diversity, but I doubt they'd
be okay with one of their employees sucking face while they're working.
     "When's your day off so we can hang out together?"
     "...to do?" he asked, eyebrows moving up and down suggestively.
     "Just hang out and stuff." Losing Phil the way I had was still
stinging, and I was already realizing that I needed someone to keep me from
sinking into back into the abyss of despair. "I mean if we're gonna be
boyfriends, then we should spend time together, right?"
     He suddenly looked away from me and got busy with his checklist
again. "I'm... I'm pretty busy most of the time." Then after a pause, he
told me point blank; "Look, I'm not really out to anyone, so if you wanted
to hang out in public, I'm not really into that. ...and actually, I'm just
into FWB, not boyfriends. ...`friends with benefits'," he told me figuring
out my unspoken question.
     I continued talking, not having a clue what the difference was between
the two. "What about hangin' out at my house then? My `rents don't bother
me much when I'm upstairs."
     "You may as well know, Alex. My mom's got CP. My dad left us because
he got tired of listening to her complain about everything he did while he
was trying to take care of her. When I'm not working here, I've got to be
her slave and listen to her rag about how I never do anything right."
     I was beginning to get a little worried that I had misread what Casey
wanted. I thought when he said he wanted to get to know me he meant that he
actually wanted to spend more than a few minutes at a time doing it. Why
did Phil have to be such a jerk all the time about what God wanted, anyway?
Why couldn't he just pretend like it didn't matter to him even if it really
did?
     "CP" I parroted, trying to act like I knew what that
was. "Chronic... I can't remember the other word. That's where you get sick
because of stress, right? How long does that last?" I asked hoping it was a
short term thing.
     The way Casey looked at me, I knew I guessed wrong.
     "It's cerebral palsy. ...and for your information, she's never going
to get better."
     "Sorry. I could come over and help you do stuff for her."
     "Did you not just hear me tell you that if she saw you and me
together, she'd figure us out in an instant? Her mom kicked her dad out of
the house when she was like six or seven years old. I only heard her talk
about it once, but he was supposedly bringing guys around whenever she
wasn't home. She hates gay men with a passion. If she ever finds out that I
came from her old man's gene pool there's no doubt in my mind she'd poison
my food just to watch me suffer."
     A short while later, I left the store and wandered toward home, not
knowing what I was going to do with my time.

     Casey and I met in the shed, almost every day that he worked, for the
next three weeks. I can't imagine I'd ever tire of doing what we did there,
but I definitely was tired of being lonely. Besides that, for some reason I
usually felt guilty as heck when I we parted. Maybe it was because I was
always led to believe that love was supposed to come first. I mean Casey
was cool and everything, but my feelings for him were more like the love I
felt for chocolate covered marshmallows: when they were available I
couldn't get enough of them, but when they weren't, I didn't spend much
time thinking about them. It also bothered me that sometimes I was wishing
it was Phil I was with.
     Yesterday I told Casey my parents were going out of town, and asked
him if he could call in sick to work and spend the time over at my
house. All he said was that his mom always looks at his paycheck and if she
saw he missed work, she wouldn't shut up until he told her where he was.
     "Tell her you have a homework project or something and have to knock
off work to get it done."
     "Alex, you don't understand." She'd want to know who my lab partner is
so she could call their parents to ask about it. ...Or else she'd call the
teacher to complain about him stealing food off her table. Believe me, I
know, because I tried it once."
     That's when I knew for sure he probably wasn't "the one" I was so
afraid I was gonna miss if we didn't get together. Still, what we did was
addicting, and as long as I didn't have anyone else, I wasn't gonna trash
my friendship with benefits, as Casey had called it.

     More and more, when I was alone at night it was Phil I thought about,
not Casey. I hadn't talked to him since that day in the park, and while I
didn't miss his "God talk," I did miss the fun we had had together. It had
ticked me off that he kept bringing God into every subject even when I told
him flat out that I didn't believe in God, but now I didn't really know why
I let that bother me so much. Maybe it was because I was pretty sure he was
gay even though he kept insisting he wasn't; and that would make him a
liar. Maybe I should point that out to him, because I'm pretty sure
Christians aren't supposed to lie.
     All along, Phil kept trying talk with me whenever he saw me. I guess I
was just being a jerk by telling myself that if I stopped to listen to him
he would start right in on telling me about my "bad" choices. On the bus, I
started sitting with Rebecca Lapp so Phil couldn't sit beside me. That was
even harder than listening to Phil's religious spiels. I'm positive she
only let me sit with her because she was so sure I was gonna start hitting
on her. Anyway, Phil always looked disappointed when he couldn't sit next
to me or when I turned my head and talked to Rebecca if he sat behind us
and said something.
     One day, Rebecca didn't get on the bus, and when Phil got to where I
was sitting, he just picked my backpack off the seat and sat down beside
me.
     "Hey, how's it goin'?" His enthusiasm was in full force as he said it
and held hand for a fist bump.
     "Going?" I asked as I stood up. "Yeah, okay. Later, closet twinkie."
Twinkie was a new word I picked up from Casey, and even though I knew I was
being super rude, it was kind of neat to be able to use a word that he
probably didn't know the meaning of.  Lifting my backpack from his hand, I
moved to an empty seat two rows back.
     I don't think it was not knowing the meaning of a particular word that
set Phil to staring out the bus window. I tried to make myself believe he
deserve feeling that way for the way he made me feel after the first time I
met Casey.
     Why do you have to be such an idiot? I asked myself. I mean, come on,
making him feel bad sure doesn't make me feel any better. Still, I couldn't
force myself to apologize. Instead, I made myself think about Casey --
the chocolate marshmallow part of Casey, which is the only part I loved, so
far. Maybe, his schedule will open up soon and we'll get to spend some time
together. We've only been together for a month. Good things do take time.
     Who was I trying to kid? He told me his mom wasn't going to get
better. He also told me that if his mom ever found out about me and him,
was as good as dead.
     I started thinking about how Phil and I used to sit on the curb
Saturday afternoons, drinking Freezees and shooting the breeze. Often, we'd
also take in the two dollar matinee at the Jessup over on Maple Street. I
started thinking that if Phil would admit to me that he was at least
bi-curious or something, I'd be a little more tolerant of his "God-speak."
Even if he wanted to stay hidden in the closet forever, he'd still at least
hang out with me and not tell me how God thinks it's wrong.

     It seemed once more, that at my lowest point fate smiled on me. That
morning there was a note in my locker from Casey asking me to look him
up. I pretty much knew his class schedule, and stopped by the water
fountain on my way to third period history. Sure enough, by the time I had
gulped a few swallows of water, Casey was in line urging me to hurry up.
     "Dude, you drink like a camel," he joked.
     I continued to let the cold water run over my lips.
     "Let some for the next guy, Curly mop."
     I busted a gut when he said it; spraying the entire contents of my
mouth into the fixture; half of it coming out my nose.
     "Mom's got some kind of therapy session next Saturday and won't be
home `til late. I still can't miss any work without her giving me the fifth
degree, but we can hang for a while, say, after seven? I can sneak her car
so we can go somewhere -- just you and me. Cool?"
     "Very!"

     Desire does not prepare one for reality when it's totally unexpected.
I wondered if I heard him correctly, and then, when I was sure that I had,
I totally went into orbit. This was it: my first official date. I
immediately thought of Daryl, and caught the attention of Melissa Rand by
saying "dude" to him just as she was walking past. I must have been the
happiest guy on planet earth just then.