Date: Mon, 8 Apr 2013 11:27:33 -0700
From: B.E. Kelley <hailcaesar2011@hotmail.com>
Subject: The Peace Within

This story is a work of FICTION. The events described are my own invention.
Any similarities to actual events or persons are strictly coincidental. The
author retains the copyright, and any other rights, to this original story.
You may not publish it or any part of it without my explicit authorization.

This story contains depictions of consensual sexual acts between teenage
males.  It is intended for mature audiences only.  If you find this type of
material offensive or if you are under the legal age to read said material;
please proceed no further.

Comments are always welcome at: hailcaesar2011@hotmail.com

The Peace Within
Chapter 1

I suppose it's natural for identical twins to obsess about ways in which
they're different, that was certainly the case with Patton and I.  We've
got the same black hair and blue eyes, same narrow nose and Nordic
features, in fact, the surface differences are so few and far between, only
those closest to us can really tell us apart.  When we were little, our
parents used to dress us alike because they thought it was cute.  The older
we got and the more acutely aware of how similar we are, we became, the
more we tried to exploit the subtle differences.

It started in fourth grade with our clothes and hair styles.  By that time,
we'd had enough of our parents dressing us like a pair of identical dolls
and went out of our way to make sure we never wore the same thing at the
same time.  The problem with that was we were as alike in our thinking as
we are in our appearance.  There was nothing more frustrating than coming
down to breakfast and finding out that we'd both picked out the same shirt.
That problem worked itself out in time and eventually we just went with it,
who cared if we wore the same thing as long as we were comfortable?

Forget clothes and hair, we discovered that it was the things we couldn't
control that made us unique and the older we got, the more they manifested
themselves.  For instance, we both get good grades but Patton say's I'm the
smart one, he has to study for every A he gets and he's sure it comes
naturally to me.  We both had to wear glasses for reading but when we
turned 12, Patton opted for Lasik surgery to correct the problem.  I stuck
with my glasses and even though I only have to wear them for reading, I
usually keep them on, to make it easier for our friends to separate us.
We're both musical, I play the piano and Patton sings in our school choir,
my voice can't carry a tune to save my life.

Sports have always been important to both of us, we were very active as
little kids and that's followed us to high school.  Sports have also
provided us the opportunity to shine on our own.  Patton is the traditional
jock, he plays football, wrestles and plays baseball.  Aside from soccer, I
stick to sports where I'm recognized for my individual ability, like
swimming and cross country.  Patton is the extravert and I'm the introvert,
he's everyone's friend and I'm shy.  It bothers me that some people mistake
that and think I'm a snob, though if I'm honest, I have to admit, I do have
my moments.  When we were little, we had the same friends and for the most
part, we still do but our different activities have exposed us to different
people and that hasn't always gone over so well.

Case in point, Lee and Henry McCarthy, Patton's best friends and football
buddies, they're also twins but fraternal, not identical like us.  The
thing about Lee and Henry is ones fat, the others thin and they're both
stupid.  I haven't spoken to Lee and Henry in almost 8 months because the
last time we were all together, they embarrassed me and I don't have any
intention of letting them get the chance to do it again.  It happened last
summer, it was a hot day, much hotter than average, and our air
conditioning decided to crap out on us at the same time as the pump for the
swimming pool.  Because of the heat wave, every repairman in town was busy
and we were far down the list of those waiting for some kind of relief.  I
was in my room, lying in front of a fan, trying to read, when Patton came
in.

"Hey Parker, what are you up to?" said Patton.

"Just catching up on my summer reading list," I explained.

"We haven't had a summer reading list since 6th grade," Patton reminded me.

"I'm not doing it for school, I just have a bunch of books I want to get
through this summer," I replied.

"Right," said Patton, "listen, Lee and Henry are coming to pick me up, why
don't you come and hang out with us?"

"Hmmm," I pondered, "no."

"Why not?" asked Patton.

"I'm reading," I reminded him.

"Parker, it's a million degrees in here, come tubing with us, it'll be
fun," said Patton.

"Tubing?" I asked, setting my book aside.

"Yeah you know, we take inner tubes out to the Housatonic, park the truck
and float down the river for a few miles, then walk back," Patton
explained.

"Absolutely not, I'm not a redneck," I replied, then returned to my copy of
A Separate Peace.

"Just so you know, when you whine about people thinking you're stuck-up,
it's because of comments like that," Patton scolded.

"I'm not stuck-up," I replied softly.

"I know you're not, so come have fun with us and prove it," said Patton.

"You're going to keep bugging me until I say yes, aren't you?" I asked.

"It's a pretty sound plan, if you ask me," Patton grinned.

"Ok," I sighed, "let's going tubing."

"Awesome," Patton smiled, "get changed and meet me downstairs."

When Patton left, I threw on a pair of board shorts, stuffed a towel in my
backpack and then went to the bathroom to grab some sunscreen.  Patton and
I both burn in the sun and I knew he'd forget to put on lotion if I didn't
remind him.  With that finished, I headed downstairs and met Patton out
front, just as the McCarthy's were pulling up, with Conner Wilkes, in their
moms Suburban.

"Come on boy's, shake a leg, let's go!" shouted Lee, as he stuck his head
out the window and honked the horn.

"Oh this is going to be so much fun," I said sarcastically and folded my
arms over my chest.

"Loosen up and it will be," said Patton, as he gave me a playful punch in
the arm, then headed for the truck.

I rolled my eyes but Lee started honking again so I grabbed my bag and
followed my brother to the truck.  As soon as I sat down, Henry popped up
from the third row of seats, put me in a headlock and ruffled my hair.

"Hey limp dick, no math club today?" Henry asked gregariously.

"No McCarthy, I'm not in the math club and it's summertime," I stated,
answering him quite literally.

"Well good, it's about time you grew some hair on your balls and tagged
along with the big boys, this is going to be fun," said Henry, giving my
short black hair another ruffle.

Their crude language and abrasive manners are just some of the many things
I dislike about the McCarthy twins.  I would have gotten out of the car if
Lee hadn't already pulled out of the driveway, oh, yeah, and if my head
wasn't stuck under a beefy goon's armpit.  I was about to register my
protest when Patton stuck up for me.

"Hey, leave the kid alone, he agreed to come with us, he doesn't need you
busting his chops," said Patton, from the front passenger seat.

"Kid", Patton thinks he's justified in calling me that because he's five
minutes older.

"Alright," said Henry, apologetically, as he released me, "I didn't mean to
ruffle The Professor's feathers."

"The Professor," Henry calls me that because I'm an honor student and he's
a moron.

It took half an hour to drive from our town, Wallingford, to the Housatonic
River.  I sat quietly and listened to the other's talk about football and
girls.  As far as I knew, Patton was the only one of us that had a
girlfriend but that didn't stop Conner and the McCarthy's from bragging
about girls they'd supposedly made it with.  I only stopped rolling my eyes
because I was afraid they'd get stuck if I didn't.

We were reminded of just how hot it was the moment we got to the river and
stepped out of the air conditioned Suburban.  Connecticut is no stranger to
humidity in the summer but it was more oppressive that day then any I'd
ever experienced in my 16 years.  I took off my glasses and stuffed them in
my backpack, with my towel, then threw my t-shirt on the seat and started
applying sunscreen.

"What are you greasing up for, Prof, wanna wrestle?" asked Lee.

"I'd like to not spend the next week with a sunburn," I retorted.

"Yeah me either," said Patton, as he took the tube from me, "we'll wrestle
later."

The other's laughed and when he was sure they wouldn't see it, Patton gave
me a wink.  He always has my back when we're with Henry and Lee.  When the
laughing subsided, Patton put sunscreen on my back then I did his.  Anyone
looking at us would have seen two perfect clones but I could see the
differences.  Patton's chest and shoulders are a little bigger than mine,
that's probably from football and wrestling.  My stomach muscles are
tighter then his, that's from the swimming.  When we were finished, we each
grabbed an inner tube from the back of the Suburban, then raced down to the
river and jumped in head first.

The Housatonic starts at Muddy Pond, near Washington, Massachusetts and
meanders through the Berkshire Mountains before it crosses into Connecticut
and makes its way to the Long Island Sound.  The water was ice cold and I
felt goose pimples break out across my skin.  When I climbed up on my inner
tube, the hot air greeted my cold flesh and evaporation kept me nice and
cool, while the current carried us along.  It was a leisurely cruise, we
followed the river's gentle curves, everyone relaxed and took in the
pastoral scenery.

We were out there for hours.  We arrived at 4:00pm and when I looked at my
watch, the hands pointed to 7:00pm.  Despite the length of time, we were
only three miles from the truck, thanks to the many curves and switchbacks
of the river.  It felt like we'd been plodding along and I didn't learn
just how fast we were going until it was almost time to get out of the
water.  I was so relaxed that when the tree, hidden just below the surface,
hooked my board shorts, it pulled me into the water.  I struggled for a
moment but we were going so fast that before I could do anything, the
current carried me off, leaving my shorts behind.  I scrambled back aboard
my inner tube but stayed in the middle of it, so no one could see me from
the waist down.

"What happened?" asked Conner, he'd seen me go under for a moment.

"Uh, nothing, just got snagged on something," I replied.

"Gotta watch out for that," said Lee, "lots of forest debris gets washed
into the river."

"Yeah," I agreed.

Patton looked back at me with a quizzical expression, he knew something was
wrong but didn't ask.  I'm glad he didn't, I wasn't sure what I was going
to say when it was time to get out of the water.  That time arrived all too
quickly, five minutes later, we pulled into a cove where the current slowed
and we could walk out onto the dry, sandy riverbank.  Everyone climbed out
of the water but I lingered behind.

"I know I practically engraved you an invitation to come with us, but I'm
not engraving one to invite you out of the water," Patton grinned.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I huffed, slowly getting closer to the bank,
everyone was watching me now.

"Come on Prof, it's at least three miles back to the truck, let's go," said
Henry.

"Right, why don't you guys go on ahead and come get me on the way back?" I
offered.

"It'll be dark by then, we might not be able to find you, why would you
want to stay here anyway?" asked Conner.

"Yeah, come on kid, let's go home," said Patton.

"Fine," I grumbled, then stood up, in nothing but my underwear.

Laughter rippled across the small riverbank.  Lee, Henry, Conner, even
Patton spasmed so hard, I thought they were going to break their backs.
What was worse, there was another pack of tubers coming up behind us, a mom
and dad with four kids who were a mere 400 yards from a real eyeful.

"Parker, what the hell happened to your shorts?" Patton asked, between
bouts of laughter.

"Oh my God, you lost them when you went under, huh?" asked Conner.

"They got hooked on a damn tree," I grumbled, only causing more laughter
from my compatriots.

"Well there's nothing we can do about it here, let's go back to the truck
and get you a towel," said Patton, when he caught his breath.

"I can't, I can't walk along the side of the interstate dressed like this,"
I replied.

"We can't just leave you here, it's getting dark," said Patton.

I started to feel very small, my natural modesty kicked in and I crossed my
arms over my chest in an attempt to make myself even smaller.  It was then
that the family, that had been trailing us, sailed by.

"Mommy, that boy doesn't have any pants!" exclaimed one of the little
girls, eliciting laughs from her parents and siblings.

I felt my whole body blush.

"Alright, that's it, you take my shorts and I'll walk back in my
underwear," said Patton, as he started to untie his drawstring.

"Patton, no!"

"Why not, I don't care who sees me," said Patton.

"Well I do," I stated.

"Why?" asked Patton, confusion on his face.

"Because, you're body's the same as mine, if anyone see's you, it's just as
bad as them seeing me," I explained.

"Got it, I have the solution," said Patton.

He untied his drawstring, shimmied out of his shorts and then threw them in
the river.

"Patton!" I exclaimed.

"It's like you said, my body's your body, now we're in this together," he
smiled, "now will you walk back with us?"

"I guess I don't have much choice," I chuckled.

"That's the spirit," said Patton.  He put his arm around my shoulder, the
others huddled around us to mask our attire, and we proceeded up the gentle
slope of the riverbank.

"Cute undies guys," giggled Lee.

"This is all your fault, you know?" I replied.

"Hey, I didn't pull your shorts off," Lee complained.

"Well, you drove!" I exclaimed.

I don't know what made me think of that day, maybe it was my minds way of
trying to warm me up while I stood there in the frigid April wind, in just
a t-shirt and track pants.  Whatever it was, I didn't have long to ponder
it, one of my teammates kicked the ball towards the goal I was supposed to
be defending and because I wasn't paying attention, it struck me in the
forehead, knocking me on my backside.

"Ouch," I groaned, after lying there for a minute.

My coach and some of my teammates gathered around me, looking concerned.

"Westergaard, how many fingers am I holding up?" asked Coach Riley.

"Three coach, I'm fine, just a little caught off guard is all," I blushed.

"Alright," Coach Riley grinned and helped me to my feet, "That's enough for
today boys, hit the showers, let's go home."

When we got to the locker room, everyone stripped and headed for the
showers but me.  My head hurt from my encounter with the soccer ball and my
throat felt scratchy, I'd felt like I was coming down with something all
day.  I took off my shin guards and tossed them in my locker, then shrugged
on my varsity jacket and left the locker room, heading for the parking lot.
When we turned 16, our parents gave us the old family car, a Volvo SUV,
complete with soccer mom sticker on the rear window.  I found Patton
sitting on the hood, evidently baseball practice had wrapped up early, he
was in street clothes and his hair was damp from the after practice shower.

"Hey kid, catch another ball with your face?" asked Patton.

"Is it that bad?" I replied, sheepishly.

"Nah, just a little red spot on your forehead," said Patton, "You wanna
drive?"

Usually we took turns, if he drove to school, I drove home, but I didn't
feel so great and I wasn't in the mood.

"No thanks, you go ahead," I replied, then slipped into the passenger seat.

"Would you mind stopping by CVS on the way home?" I asked, once he got
behind the wheel.

"No problem, why?" asked Patton.

"I wanna get some cough drops and orange juice," I replied.

"Not feeling so good? Coming down with something?" he asked.

"Maybe, better safe than sorry," I replied.

"Uh huh, I know what it is, you don't want to take that trig test
tomorrow," he grinned.

"Patton, have I ever dodged a test before?" I asked, irritably.

"Right, I forgot who I was talking to," he grinned.

It was quiet after that, I hunkered down in my seat and rested my head
against the doorframe.  I almost drifted off to sleep, but Patton pulled
into the CVS lot and hit a parking bumper, just like he always did.

"Hey Parker, are you sure you want to go in there?" he asked.

"Yeah, why not?" I asked.

"You kinda reek," he laughed.

I shot him a dirty look then climbed out of the car.  I knew I didn't
exactly smell like a bouquet of roses but if you've ever been in a boys
locker room, you know it's not exactly sanitary and I didn't want to hang
out there, feeling like I did. It only took me a few minutes to grab a bag
of Riccola cough drops and some OJ, but the line to check out was a mile
long.  The clerk was my age, he had mousey brown hair and brown eyes, his
nametag read Derek, and I couldn't get over the feeling that I knew him
from somewhere.  Shelton High is a big school, I figured I'd seen him in
the halls before.

"Did you find everything ok?" asked Derek, when it was my turn at the
register.

"Yeah, thanks," I coughed.

"You look familiar," said Derek.

"Do you go to Shelton?" I asked.

"Yeah but you're not in any of my classes...wait, did you take piano
lessons with old Mrs. Harper?" said Derek.

"I used to," I replied.

"Me too, my names Derek Carter, do you still play or ..." he began.

"Can we move this along, my ride's waiting," I interrupted.

I wasn't trying to be rude to him but I didn't feel good, my head was
throbbing and I stank, I wasn't in the mood for a trip down memory line.

"Sorry, your total's $8.61," said Derek.

I handed him a ten dollar bill and he handed me my change, then my
purchase, with a neutral look on his face.

"Have a nice day, sir," Derek said coldly.

"Uh, yeah, thanks," I mumbled, then turned towards the door.

"Prick," he whispered under his breath.

I turned and looked at him but he'd already started to ring up his next
customer.  Knowing what I know now, I wish I'd gone back and apologized,
explained that I didn't mean to be rude, that I was sick and wanted to go
home.  Maybe that would have made a difference, maybe it wouldn't, I'll
never know.  Instead, I shrugged my shoulders and walked out to the car.

When we got home, I went straight up stairs and took a shower.  The hot
water felt good, I still felt sick but at least I felt the tension of my
long day at school and practice, ebbing from my shoulders.  I dried off,
put on a clean t-shirt and some pajama bottoms, than laid on my bed for 15
minutes of blissfully uninterrupted rest.  When mom called us down to
dinner, I was the last one to arrive and slumped down in my seat.

"Something wrong sweetie?" asked mom.

"I think I'm coming down with the flu, cold or something," I sniffled in
reply.

My dad leaned over and put the back of his hand against my forehead then my
cheeks.  He's a pediatrician here in town and my mom is a professor of
English Literature.  She works down the road at a university in New Haven.

"You're a little warm, how's your throat?" asked dad.

"Scratchy," I replied.

"Why don't you take some Nyquil after dinner and go to bed early?" Mom
offered.

"Yeah, I think I will," I replied.

"I'll check on you in the morning, before I leave for the office," dad
smiled.

"K, thanks."

Dad smiled again and patted me on the shoulder.  After that, it was just a
normal family dinner.  I have three siblings, our sister, Whitney, is 26
and lives in Manhattan with her husband Jeff and our nephew, Aiden.  Patton
and I are 16 and our little brother, Patrick, is 12.  Mom and dad have
always been interested in the things happening in our lives and dinner time
has always been a time to catch up.  My parents both have serious careers
but no matter what they're doing, they make sure we eat together, every
night at 6:30.  I like that about my family, it makes me feel close to them
and I was happy to sit back and listen to Patton and Patrick talk about
what had happened at school that day.

"Coach Simmons is having me start on Friday," said Patton.

"That's great son, I know you've been working really hard on your pitching
this year," said Dad.

It was true too, for the last 8 months, Patton has dragged me outside to
catch for him every chance he gets.  He's getting really good to, the last
few times, I thought he was going to burn a hole through my glove, there
was so much heat on that ball.

"Are you guys going to make it?" asked Patton.

"I have a department meeting but I should get there before the third
inning," said mom.

"My last patient isn't until 4:30 but I'll head over as soon as I wrap
things up," said Dad.

"Cool, thanks," said Patton.

Our parents work a lot but they usually make time for important things like
the swimming finals or Patton and Patrick's games.  They're very supportive
and we try to be very understanding, when they can't be there.

"What about me, I wanna go," said Patrick.

Patrick plays baseball too and I think Patton is his idol.  He never wants
me to catch for him, I think he likes to show off for his other big
brother, and that's ok.  It's kind of cute to watch them bond.  I usually
sit against the big maple tree in the backyard and pretend to be interested
in my book, while they play catch and talk about the Red Sox.

"Parker will come pick you up, right honey?" mom asked.

"I've got soccer practice," I reminded them.

"It's ok, I'll just walk," Patrick pouted.

"No, I'll tell Coach Riley I'm going to be late, just be ready to go when I
get there," I sighed.

I didn't want to be late to practice and I knew Coach Riley wouldn't
appreciate it but it was a long way for Patrick to walk and well, he and I
don't have much in common and I didn't want him to think I didn't care
about him.

"Cool, thanks Parker," Patrick beamed.

I looked up and dad winked at me then mom mouthed the words "thank you."

"You're welcome buddy," I replied, but he had already moved on to the next
topic.

"Hey Patton, it's Red Sox versus the Yankee's tonight, wanna watch with
me?" asked Patrick.

"That depends, am I going to be able to do my homework and watch the game
or are you going to be distracting me by yelling at the umps all night?"
asked Patton.

"I'll be good, I promise!" Patrick exclaimed.

"Well, since you put it that way..." Patton grinned.

"Awesome!" Patrick cheered.

I wish I still got that excited over little things like that, I also wish I
had a picture of that moment.  Looking around the table, it was just
Wednesday night dinner but everyone was happy, everyone was content, I wish
I could have frozen that moment in amber and carried it with me always.

When dinner was over, mom excused me from my turn at washing the dishes.  I
went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of orange juice, mixed in a
shot of Nyquil, then popped two asprin and chased them with my nasty
concoction.  I stood over the sink for a moment, to make sure I wouldn't
barf it up, then mom kissed me on the cheek and I went up to my room.  I
climbed into bed and was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

When I woke the next morning, I had a full blown sore throat, my joints
ached and my head was swimming.  I lie there for a few minutes and, true to
his word, dad came in to check on me, before leaving for work.

"How are you feeling this morning, kiddo?" asked dad.

"Like crap," I groaned.

Dad looked at my throat then took my temperature.  I lie there, waiting for
the thermometer to register a reading, when Patton walked in and leaned
against the door frame.

"Ah he's faking," Patton grinned.

Dad took the thermometer out of my mouth, then held it under the lamp so he
could read it.  With dad's back turned, I gave Patton the finger, then
nestled back against my pillow.

"I don't think so, 101, looks like you're staying home," said dad.

"Uh huh, no trig test then," said Patton, still grinning.

"He'll make it up when he feels better," said dad, then he kissed me on the
forehead and stood up, "I've got to get going, I'll call and check on you
at lunch, ok?"

"Yeah dad, thanks," I whispered through my sore throat.

"And you, don't give him such a hard time when he doesn't feel good," said
dad, when he turned to Patton.

"Who, me?" said Patton feigning hurt.

Dad kissed him on the forehead too, then he was gone.

"Alright, I'll grab your homework for you," said Patton.

"Thanks," I sighed.

"See ya," said Patton, and then he was gone too.

Before mom left, she brought me some orange juice and another round of
asprin, then I went back to sleep.  I was resting quite comfortably when my
cell phone started ringing.  I looked at the alarm clock and saw that it
was only 11:30, too soon for dad to be calling.  I felt around the
nightstand for my phone and saw Patton's name flashing on the caller ID.  I
didn't care what was going on at school, I felt like crap and I didn't want
to waste what voice I had talking about something that could wait until he
got home, so I ignored the call.

As soon as my voicemail picked up, I rested my head back against the
pillow, only the phone started to ring again.  Patton's name flashed across
the screen once more and I figured he'd keep calling until I answered, so I
picked up the phone.

"What?" I exclaimed, mustering what voice I could.

"Parker?" said Patton, in a strained whisper, I heard what sounded like
firecrackers going off in the background.

"Patton, where are you? What the hell's that noise?" I asked.

"I'm in the library, I came to pick up a book your English teacher said you
needed.  Now just listen, I don't think I have much time," he whispered.

I heard the sound of firecrackers again and it seemed like they were
getting closer to wherever Patton happened to be standing.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"There was an explosion, a couple of guys with guns, some kids are dead,"
said Patton.

"What?" I exclaimed, I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"I don't know what's going to happen to me, I need you to do some things
for me, in case I don't make it," said Patton.

"Patton, don't say that, you're scaring me."

"I'm scared too kid but I need you to listen, it's important," he replied.

"Ok," I replied in resignation.

"I want you to tell mom, dad, Patrick and Aribella that I love them," he
began, "and you have to promise me that you'll help Patrick with pop flies,
he's been having trouble with them."

"Yeah, of course, anything you want but..." I started.

"Wait, there's more.  You have to go to the home and visit gramps a couple
times a month, and read to him, he likes it when I do that," he continued.

The whole time he was talking, the staccato of gun shots ricocheting
throughout the room grew louder.

"You have to tell Kelsey that she's the best girlfriend a guy could ever
have and that I'll always love her," said Patton, his voice cracking when
he talked about her.

"Patton just keep your head down and hide, you'll be ok," I replied, my
voice trembling.

"Most of all, I want you to remember that I love you more than anything in
this world.  You're the smartest, best person I've ever known and I'm so
proud to be your brother, I..." but he stopped abruptly.

"Patton, Patton?" I shouted into the receiver.

He hadn't hung up, I could still hear the gunshots in the background, still
hear the terrified screams coming from boys and girls alike.  A girl
screamed close by, then I heard Patton's voice again, it echoed as though
he were shouting down a well.

"Leave her alone, she didn't do anything to you, none of us have done
anything to you," said Patton.

"Fuck off you jock douche bag," said a voice that I recognized but couldn't
place.

The gun fired again, it was so loud this time, so close, I had to yank the
phone away from my ear.  The gunshot was followed by a girls scream and
another burst of fire, followed by laughter.

"Who wants to be next?" shouted the familiar voice.

"Patton, Patton!" I screamed, I had tears streaming down my cheeks.

More gunshots, more screaming, more laughter, then the line went dead.