Date: Sat, 27 Apr 2013 11:44:05 -0700
From: B.E. Kelley <hailcaesar2011@hotmail.com>
Subject: The Peace Within Chapter 10

This story is a work of FICTION. The events described are my own invention.
Any similarities to actual events or persons are strictly coincidental. The
author retains the copyright, and any other rights, to this original story.
You may not publish it or any part of it without my explicit authorization.

This story contains depictions of consensual sexual acts between teenage
males.  It is intended for mature audiences only.  If you find this type of
material offensive or if you are under the legal age to read said material;
please proceed no further.

Comments are always welcome at: hailcaesar2011@hotmail.com

The Peace Within
Chapter 10

I didn't sleep well that night.  Lately I've been able to go right back to
sleep, after my nightmares, but my visit with grandpa really hurt.  I found
myself missing Patton more and more.  When I got to school the next day, I
guess Marshall could read the look on my face, he came up to me, outside of
my English class, took one look and hugged me.  It wasn't one of those
"bro" kind of hugs, where the guy puts his arm around you and slaps you on
the back, no, Marshall held me for a second and cradled me in his arms.

"What was that all about?" I asked, when he was done.

"You looked like you needed it," said Marshall, "rough night?"

"Kinda," I nodded.

"I have an idea, why don't we blow off first period?" said Marshall.

"You mean ditch?" I asked.

"We'll call it taking a personal day," Marshall grinned.

I thought about it for a minute, I'd never ditched school before, if I just
did it this once, what could be the harm?

"Yeah, ok, I guess we could do that," I agreed.

"Cool, you'll have to drive though," Marshall grinned, "my car's in the
shop all week."

"Oh, ok," I replied, "were should we go?"

"It's early, I'm hungry, let's go for breakfast, how about Rick's on 5?"
said Marshall.

"Sure, I could eat," I agreed.

We walked out to my car and ran into Henry and Lee along the way.  We
didn't talk long, they both looked surprised when I told them I was
ditching school.  Marshall and I climbed into the Volvo and I pulled out of
the parking lot.

"I like your SUV, it's much nicer then my car," said Marshall, "I've got a
little Civic and it blows in the snow."

"Yeah, we were lucky, my mom decided to give me and Patton the Volvo so she
could get a Porsche," I explained.

"Awesome, does she ever let you drive it?" asked Marshall.

"I can't drive stick, besides, she told us when she first got it, that if
we even looked at it funny, she'd "get," us," I laughed.

It was a quick drive to Rick's on 5, there is usually a line out the door
on weekends, but as it was a Monday, after the morning rush, we got seated
immediately.  We both ordered coffee, loaded it down with cream and sugar,
then waited for our breakfast to arrive.

"So what's bugging you?" asked Marshall, over his coffee mug.

"I went to visit my grandpa at the rest home yesterday, he has Alzheimer's
and he likes it when I read to him," I started.

"That's really nice, my grandma's in a raisin ranch over in Greenwich, I
don't visit as much as she'd like me to," said Marshall.

"Well, I didn't used to visit much either, that was Patton's thing, but now
that he's gone, I've been trying to go once a week.  The problem is grandpa
forgets everything and I have to remind him that Patton's dead.  Every time
I have to say it, it's like pulling the band-aide off the wound, you know
what I mean?" I asked.

"Yeah, every time you tell him, it's like it's happening all over again for
you," said Marshall.

"That's what it's like," I nodded.

"That really sucks, I don't know what to say," said Marshall.

"Where were you that day?" I asked.

"When the shooting started?" asked Marshall, "I was in art, Mr. Waverly's
class."

"Did you see or hear anything?" I asked.

"We heard the gun shots, then the fire alarm started going off," said
Marshall, "shit, I thought it was firecrackers at first."

"I heard everything," I stated.

"What do you mean?" asked Marshall.

"Patton called me from the library."

"No way!" Marshall exclaimed.

I don't know what compelled me to open up to him, but once I started, I
couldn't stop.

"I was sick that day, I was home in bed and the phone started ringing.  I
picked it up and I could hear the fire alarm, and Patton told me something
exploded and there were gun shots," I explained.

"You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to," said Marshall.

"He stood up to Carter, told him to leave everyone alone, that they hadn't
done anything to him," I sniffled, "and you know what Carter said?"

"No," said Marshall, practically whispering.

"Fuck off you jock douchebag! And then he shot him, he shot Patton and when
he was done he shot that girl and the bastards laughed.  Every time I go to
sleep, I relive it in my head," I had tears running down my cheeks now.

"Ok, I've got French toast and bacon and a ham and cheese omelet, who gets
what?" said our waitress, then she saw my tears, "honey, are you ok?"

"He's alright, and the French toast is his, the omelet's mine," said
Marshall, getting rid of her.

"Parker, I'm so sorry you had to hear all of that but if you look at the
bright side, at least you got to talk to him before he died," Marshall
reasoned.

"He said he loved me," I sniffled.

"Of course he did, you guys are twins, he probably loved you more than
anyone," said Marshall, he put his hand on top of mine and held it.

"Thanks," I nodded, when I'd composed myself.  I appreciated how Marshall
had said "are twins," rather than were.

"Listen, we don't have to go back to school after breakfast, if anyone is
entitled to a day off, you are, why don't we go down to Old Saybrook, spend
the day at the beach?" said Marshall.

"Yeah, you know, I think I'd like that," I smiled.

Marshall smiled back at me and dug into his omelet.  I've started to love
his smile, it's such a happy expression, he doesn't hide anything with that
smile, you can tell exactly what he's thinking when he flashes it at you.
His eyes are beautiful too, they're green and sparkly and so innocent.  I
don't know why it's taken me so long to realize how special Marshall is, or
how special my feelings are for him.  I wish I understood why I was so far
behind my peers when it came to sex but for the moment, I was content to
enjoy the day with my special buddy.

It took an hour to drive from Wallingford to Old Saybrook and Marshall
talked the entire time.  It wasn't like his usual talking, he wasn't
telling bad jokes, but I do think he was trying to entertain me.  I was
grateful for his antics, it took my mind off the deep conversation we'd had
at the diner and what can I say, he was so cute when he was being animated.

When we got to Old Saybrook, we wandered around town for a while, had some
ice cream and then drove over to the beach.  Marshall grabbed his backpack
and pulled a soccer ball out.

"I figured since we're going to miss practice, we might kick this around
the beach," he smiled.

"You always carry a soccer ball in your bag?" I asked.

"Yes," said Marshall, seriously.

It was late May now, school would be out soon and the weather was turning
hot.  It was hot that day, after a few minutes on the beach, Marshall took
off his t-shirt and tossed it in the sand.  He looked radiant, his blond
hair glowed in the sun, his body was lithe and toned, his pecs were well
defined and his torso tapered towards his waist.  My abs were tighter but
that's only from swimming, it's the best exercise for you.  He was wearing
a belt but Marshall's shorts hug a little low on his hips, his grey Calvin
Klein underwear stuck out a bit and I couldn't help but think he'd look
amazing if his shorts happened to fall off.  This was a new experience for
me, I'd never examined another boy so closely before but it was definitely
having an effect. I hope Marshall didn't notice me adjusting my shorts.

I guess I was a little distracted because Marshall kicked the ball towards
me and it went sailing behind me.  I ran after it and when I turned to come
back, he was right behind me.  He must have run because he was panting.

"We better get back," said Marshall.

I looked at my watch, it was after 2pm, school got out in an hour, it took
an hour to drive back and people might notice we were gone.

"Yeah, I was having so much fun that I lost track of time," I replied.

Marshall tucked his t-shirt into his back pocket and then put his arm
around my shoulder as we walked to the car.  I savored that touch, it was
warm and he even smelled nice.  I thought about what Peter said, about how
I should approach Marshall and ask him if he might have deeper feelings for
me then just friendship.  I was nervous about it, I was enjoying the time I
was spending with him and I didn't want to say the wrong thing and blow it.
I resolved to wait for the right opening.

We talked all the way back to Wallingford and that made the trip seem much
faster.  We drove past Bartlett Academy, school was out and we spotted a
number of our peers.  We thought about going to practice but decided
against it, we had classes with our teammates, we'd be inviting too many
questions and didn't want Coach Riley to find out we'd ditched. Instead we
went over to Marshall's house, he's an only child and his parents were at
work, so we had the place to ourselves.

Marshall got noticeably quiet as we entered his home.  He guided me to the
family room and I took a seat on the coach, I sat at one end, then he sat
right next to me.  I thought that was a little strange, you'd think he'd
sit at the other end, but no, he was right next to me, our knees were
touching.

"I know everyone thinks I talk too much and that my sense of humor makes me
kind of an ass but..." he began.

"I don't think that," I interrupted.

"Please, just let me get through this," said Marshall, he was speaking
softly and looking down at his feet.

"Ok."

"People think that about me but it's not true, I just do that so no one
looks at me to hard, so no one figures out what I really am," said
Marshall.

"Uh, what are you?" I asked.

"I don't want to freak you out, Parker, but, well, I'm gay and um, I kinda,
sorta, um, like you," Marshall choked out.

It was quiet for a second, it took me a moment to process what he said.
Here I was looking for an opening to tell him I was interested in him and
he'd done the heavy lifting himself.

"Marshall, I kind of like you too," I smiled.

"You do?" he replied, his head snapping up and his green eyes boring into
me.

"I do," I stated, then put my hand on top of his, "this is all really new
to me, I've been trying to think of a way to tell you but then you just
opened up to me."

His smile was brighter then I'd seen it before.

"Ok, so, this is awesome, I thought you might get up and leave, or call me
a faggot and tell me to drop dead," said Marshall.

"Marsh, I'd never do that, you're a really special friend and I've
developed some pretty strong feelings for you," I admitted, "and um, you're
really cute too."

"You think I'm cute?" Marshall smiled and blushed.

"I think you're very cute," I blushed back.

"Would it be alright if I kissed you?" he asked, shyly.

"Ok," I whispered.

Marshall leaned forward and I met him in the middle.  His eyes looked deep
into mine, his are so beautiful, I love that shade of green, and he has
such a pretty face.  We closed our eyes at the same time and leaned in to
kiss, only to bash our noses together.

"Ouch," I groaned.

"Shit that hurt," said Marshall, "let's try that again but this time keep
our eyes open until our lips meet."

"Yeah, good idea," I giggled.

We tried again and this time our lips met instead of our noses.  His lips
were soft but tight, I think mine were too, something wasn't quite right.

"Not bad, but I was a little nervous, can we try again?" asked Marshall.

"Sure, I was nervous too," I admitted.

The next kiss was perfect, it was soft and sweet, I felt a little of his
breath escape and I inhaled his essence.

"Wow," I muttered, when we pulled apart.

"That was nice," Marshall smiled, "do you wanna do some more, I mean..."

I didn't let him finish, I put my lips back against his and put my arms
around his shoulders.  It took him a second to get comfortable but then he
put his arms around my waist and we really started to make out.  I felt
Marshall's tongue brush across my lips, then I parted my lips just a
fraction and stuck my tongue out too.  Our tongues met, it was a new
sensation, so we both pulled back, then went at it with gusto.  I sucked on
his tongue and he sucked on mine, our hands probed and caressed each other,
then Marshall leaned forward, gently pushing me on my back.  We're both
good sized boys but there was room on the couch for us to lie facing each
other while we kissed.

Marshall moved his hand down to my hip, he rested it there for a moment,
then he stroked up and down my torso.  I placed my hand against his cheek
and stroked his face, then his neck.  I had my hand on his chest, I was
rubbing the firm muscles and then he reached down and put his hand on my
thigh.  I don't know what happened then but I started picturing my cousin
Kevin.  I shook it off, it was just brief flashes at first, I couldn't
figure out why he would come into my mind while I was making out with the
cutest boy in the world.

Marshall moved his hand higher on my thigh, he was getting closer to my
crotch and I sensed that he wanted to touch me there.  He rubbed my thigh,
then moved his hand up to my stomach, he rubbed my stomach and his hand
went lower.  When Marshall's fingers came to rest at my waist, gently
pulling at my belt, I saw Kevin again.  I couldn't see what he was doing,
but he was smiling and giggling.  I felt Marshall move his hand gently over
the front of my pants, he was about to grope me when I heard my voice, my 8
year old voice, telling Kevin, NO!

"NO!" I exclaimed.

Marshall pulled back from me so fast that he rolled off the couch and
landed on his butt.

"Parker, I-I'm sorry," he spluttered, "I thought you were having fun and
I..."

"I have to go, I've got to go right now," I stated and rose to my feet.

"Please stay, I didn't mean to do that, I just got carried away," said
Marshall.

"I-I can't I have to get home," I spluttered.

"I'm so sorry," said Marshall, he had tears in his eyes.

Marshall's state calmed me down a little.  I wasn't sure what had just
happened but I know one thing, it wasn't his fault.  I didn't want to ruin
things with him, my God, being with him and what had been happening between
us, well, he's the best thing in my life right now.

"Marsh, it's not your fault, please don't cry," I whispered and put my hand
on his shoulder.

"I didn't mean to upset you, I just got carried away, I'm sorry," he
whimpered.

"I promise it wasn't your fault," I stated.

"Will you stay, we can just talk," he offered.

"I can't, I have to go home, but Marshall?"

"Yeah?" he asked, hopefully.

"I'll be very sad to leave you and I can't wait until the next time I see
you," I explained.

"Ok," said Marshall, he gave me a weak smile and wiped his eyes on the back
of his hand.

"I'm so sorry I upset you," I stated then kissed him on the cheek.

"It's ok," he sniffled, "you better get going or I won't be able to let you
go."

I gave him one last hug, to reassure him that he hadn't done anything
wrong, then I got out of there and sped home.  Mom's car was in the
driveway when I pulled up to the house, I could smell dinner cooking when I
came into the kitchen.  I said hello, told her I'd had a good day, then
went up to my room.  I couldn't relax, I couldn't figure out why, just when
things were getting hot and heavy with Marshall, I thought about Kevin.  I
haven't seen Kevin in years, he died in Iraq and we went to his funeral but
I didn't feel anything about it, I hardly knew him.  This was all very
strange and I couldn't figure it out.

I ate dinner with my family but as soon as we finished, I excused myself
and went back to my room.  I tried to purge thoughts of Kevin from my mind
by thinking of my day with Marshall.  It had been a perfect day, it got off
to a rocky start but we went to the beach, we had fun kicking the ball
around and then we opened up to each other and made out.  While I thought
about making out with Marshall, I started to get hard, I unbuttoned and
unzipped my shorts, then started to rub myself through my boxerbriefs.
When I was fully erect, I kicked my shorts off and started to pull down my
underwear, that's when I froze.

We were 8 years old when my aunt and uncle came from California to visit
us, with their 15 year old son, Kevin.  Uncle Alex was Dad's brother, he
moved out to California for college and stayed there when he graduated.
Dad was happy to see his brother and the first weekend they were there, the
grown-ups decided to go out for dinner and see a show.  Kevin was left in
charge of me, Patton and Patrick, who was only4 at the time.

It was an uneventful evening, Kevin played with us, got us pizza for dinner
and made sure we all brushed our teeth and put on our pajamas. Kevin put
Patrick to bed at 8, but Patton and I were allowed to stay up until 9:30.
Patton never made it all the way to 9:30 and sure enough, he fell asleep
while we were watching TV with our cousin.  I could see the whole scene in
my head, Patton was curled up on his side of the couch in his white t-shirt
and red pajama bottoms with the puppy dogs on them, I was on the other
side, dressed the same, only my jammy's were blue with teddy bears on them.
Kevin sat between us.

"Looks like he's konked out," said Kevin, gesturing at Patton.

"Patton never stays up," I replied.

"I guess that means there's only one victim for the tickle monster," Kevin
grinned, then he attacked me.

He tickled my ribs and under my arms, I was twisting, giggling and
writhing, but he wouldn't stop. I was panting so hard for breath that I
thought my heart was going to pop, just when I couldn't take it anymore, he
stopped.  I lie there, trying to catch my breath, and Kevin started to
untie the drawstring in my pajama bottoms.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I asked him.

"I just want to have a look," Kevin smiled, then he pulled my bottoms down
to my knees, exposing my little white briefs.

"Hey, don't do that," I blushed.

"Why not, I just want to see what my cute little cousin has to offer,"
Kevin grinned then he cupped my balls.

"NO!" I exclaimed, and slapped his hands away.

"What's the matter Parker, don't you like me?" he asked.

"Mommy and daddy said no one is supposed to touch me there," I scolded him.

"They were talking about strangers, we're family," said Kevin, then he
groped me again.

I let out a little squeal, that made him laugh, but he kept touching me.  I
was only 8, he was a big boy, he was my cousin and he was in charge, I
didn't know what I could do.  When he tired of fondling my little package,
he unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, then had me sit on his lap.  I felt
something poking me in the behind, he kept flexing his hips and after a
while, he let out a low groan and the thrusting stopped.  I didn't know
what happened but he pulled up my jammys and retied my drawstring.

"That's our little secret, right?" said Kevin.

"Yeah, ok," I agreed, not sure what else to do.

I wanted to tell mom and dad what happened, despite what Kevin said, what
he did to me felt wrong.  I cried when I thought about it and tried to be
brave, but I was afraid mommy and daddy would punish me for being a bad
boy.  Oh how I wish I told on him.

Two nights later, I woke up in the night and heard sound's coming from
Patton's bed, we still shared a room at that time.  There was moaning and
muffled voices, but I couldn't figure out what was going on.  When it was
over, and the noises stopped, someone tall got out of Patton's bed, when he
opened the door, I could see that it was Kevin.

"Nighty night boys," said Kevin, then he shut the door and left.

A moment later, Patton climbed into my bed and put his arms around me.  He
hugged me so tight, I thought I was going to burst, he was also crying.

"Patton what's a matter?" I asked.

"He did stuff to me, you know, my privates," Patton sniffled.

I felt terrible, I knew I should have told someone what happened to me but
I didn't and now look what happened, he hurt Patton too.

"I'm sorry Patton," I was crying now too.

"Why are you sorry?" he asked.

"Cause he did something to me the other night and I didn't tell mommy and
daddy," I explained.

"It's not your fault, I don't wanna tell anyone," Patton sniffled.

"But we gotta tell now, he did it to both of us," I pleaded.

"No Parker, you have to promise me you won't tell, I don't want anyone to
ever know," said Patton.

"But Patton," I whined.

"No one can know, he's leaving, we won't have to see him again, promise me,
ok?" he pleaded.

"But..."

"Parker, pretty please, just forget about it," Patton's voice echoed in my
head.

It was like someone just took a blindfold away from my eyes.  Our cousin
Kevin molested us and I didn't tell anyone because Patton didn't want me
too.  I forgot all about it, purged it from my memory, because Patton said
to forget about it.  I've heard of repressed memories before but I couldn't
believe it was happening to me.  This explained so many things, like why
I'd never thought much about sex, why I'd been so upset when Kelsey touched
my dick and why I flipped out when Marshall groped me.

At first I was excited, knowing the source of this problem had to mean I
could get over it, I mean, it wasn't blocked anymore, I could face it and
move on.  Then it set in that I'd failed to protect Patton, not once, but
twice.  The first time I failed him, I was an 8 year old little boy and I
didn't tell when my cousin felt up my penis and rubbed himself on my
bottom.  I didn't tell and he ended up molesting Patton too.  The second
time I failed him, I was rude to Derek Carter and the next day, he saw
Patton, thought of me and put a bullet in his chest.  Patton was the best
brother ever, he always looked out for me, always took care of me and all
I'd ever done was fail him.

I wanted to scream, I was so angry, I thought my head might explode.  I
wanted to vent my anger to find something that I could lash out at, the
target presented itself, when I heard noise coming from across the hall,
from Patton's bedroom.