Date: Wed, 24 Aug 2011 03:18:08 +0000
From: Ryan Westmen <ryan93111@hotmail.com>
Subject: There is no love 4

Usual disclaimers apply, all copyright goes to me `the author' and may not
be used without my consent, you know the drill

Email me at:
ryan93111@hotmail.com

ALSO!!!! I haven't said this before but THANK YOU SO MUCH to my amazing
editor Lisa :) you're great and this story would be unreadable without her
:)

p.s. this ---oOo--- means a flashback and when you see it again it means
the end of the flashback, so back to the present, got it? Good

Here we go

------

Oh man, where do I start, I'm so sorry this took so long to get out, but
you know life and shit gets in the way. Thank you too all who have written
me, it means a lot. Plus I really appreciate all the support from you guys
and I promise the next chapters will get out quicker for my readers. Thnaks
again and keep the emails and support coming :)

------
Kai's P.O.V.:
------

Love is what you feel when you have no emotions left to hate. I can tell
you right now, I have a lot of hate left for Mike; who the fuck does he
think he is? 'Kai, I'm sorry', if he was sorry, he wouldn't have slept with
Aaron in the first place. Fuck, how dare he even try to apologize, it's
been what a month since I found out about Aaron and him and he's already
trying to slither his way back into my heart? Mike was my best friend, hell
he was my first crush, and he goes and does a fucked up thing like
this. I'm just glad I got out of there when I did or, or I don't know, I
probably would have punched the fuck out of him. He's bigger but I wouldn't
have gone down without a fight. I need to get away, have a break from all
of this shit; from my life. Sometimes I wish I could just move away, start
fresh or swap places with someone around the world, like Australia! Rachel
seems nice, she comes from there, and maybe I can swap places and go live
with her family. Maybe over there they won't go behind their best friend's
back and steal the two best things in their life.

Once outside of the suffocating bustle of the mall, I ran, ran as fast as I
could. I had to get away from Mike, away from that part of my life that
just keeps getting opened up. My lungs filled with air as my feet
rhythmically plodded along to the sounds of my breathing. One, two, three,
breathe, that's it; it's okay. It's okay? What am I thinking? Is there a
rule that says it's okay to sleep with your best friend's boyfriend? It's
okay to sleep with ANYONE, other than your partner in a committed
relationship? FUCK! I just kept running and my chest grew tight, due to the
cool air and the speed of my run; I was running, forcing away the remnants
of my shithole of a life. The life I was so naive to accept with good
graces. I continued running until I reached a small park; not just a park,
but 'the' park; the park where Aaron and I had our first kiss; my first
kiss ever.

---oOo---

"Hey, come on, no one is here, and I've been dying to get a taste of you
since we met." Aaron's voice was soft and husky. My cheeks were burning six
shades of red; this is the first time anyone has ever wanted me, ever shown
an interest.

"Aaron what if someone comes, I don't think people want to see two
teen...." He cut me off with his soft, angelic lips molding around mine,
spreading their warmth through my body. His lips were softly caressing
mine, sharing a piece of his heart with me. His warm, wet tongue snaked out
glazing my bottom lip with his, and a soft whimper escaped my lips. As my
lips parted, my mouth was penetrated by Aaron. I knew then I loved this
angelic boy sitting here on the swing set, kissing me, ME! Of all people,
me! He slowly pulled back, the cool air penetrating my lips, missing his
closeness already. "How was that Kaiden?"

"Ugh...."

He chuckled softly, "that good eh?" His golden, silk eyes were on me,
calming my nerves.

"Wow," was the only thing my hazy mind could think to say.

---oOo---

A small smile graced my lips with the sudden memory of how great my life
was, before all the drama, before all the lies and the cover-ups, before I
saw that fucking video! I sat quietly, still on the same swing, the same
swing where my heart was unexpectantly taken away to be held hostage.
`Aaron, why did you do it? I don't understand; I never understand you; you
were always the great mystery of my life. Leaving clues to be unraveled,
only to fully detach yourself from our story, leaving me alone. You were
selfish, you weren't worthy of my heart, but I gave it away like a piece of
gum.' One soft tear escaped the recess of my eyes, melting down my soft
cheek. `I need to get my life back, I need to forget you, I need to move
on. I need a lot of things but it's just too painful.'

A vibrating sensation in my leg dragged me away from my thoughts; away from
my self-pity. I unlocked my phone, One New Message: Tyler, ugh, I don't
feel like acting all happy and normal again, he can wait, twenty minutes
won't kill him. One month of being hit with the realization of my fairytale
and I'm still kicking. It vibrated again Two New Messages: Tyler. Okay
maybe I should check what they're about.

Tyler: Hey, where are you? You k? Not like u to miss class :(

Tyler: Hey, you k? You need a friend? :|

No, what I need is my boyfriend back and my best friend. What I need is for
this shit to be gone and my old life to come back. I'll reply so he will
stop panicking, jeez I'm a mess and I'm still putting other people ahead of
me.

Kaiden: hey, I'm fine, out at the 'park' just thinking Not three seconds
after I sent it he replied. Man he is still just as good a friend, after I
practically ignored his entire existence, I wish I ended up with someone
like him; Tyler would never hurt me.

Tyler: k, be there in ten

Ahhh, no man, oh well, no reason trying to stop him, it will just make him
get here faster. Fuck, he's a great guy. Ten minutes; that's enough to get
out of here, but knowing him he will track me down like a wolf. Wait, he
has class too, man now I'm going to be in more shit if we get caught. I'll
blame it on Rachel; it was her idea anyway.

What must have been ten minutes later, a large shadow covered my body:
Tyler.

 "Hey, you alright?" His voice was thick with concern over me. What is it?
 I'm not good enough to have real friends so I get fake emotions, from fake
 people.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Okay maybe fine isn't the right word. I'm terrible, why is
my life such a fucking mess?" Tears were threatening to make an appearance
on my clear face. Why is it still so hard; I mean one month isn't a long
time, but still shouldn't it be getting easier every single day?

"Hey, it's okay; your life isn't a mess. You have just had a bit of... a
rough patch, that's all." Tyler stated.

I looked up into his face. His storming, grey eyes were swirling the
emotion around my body. His mouth was outlined with a strong smile; perfect
white teeth beaming his happiness at seeing me. If only I could return the
favor.

"A rough patch? That's a fucking understatement! Rough is nice compared to
what I'm feeling right now. Mike didn't make it any easier about twenty
minutes ago." Tyler's body visibly tightened; his fists clenched tight, his
jaw clenched.

"What did he do?" He asked through gritted teeth. Oh no, what happened
between them now? Man, my life is just drama, drama and a bit more drama,
just for laughs you know?

"He didn't do anything other than ruin my life. I guess sitting here just
brings up bad memories. You know what this place is, right? This is where
Aaron and I first..."

"Yeah I know; it's okay. It must bring up a lot of emotions for you." He
replied.

Fuck why he is so nice, he's so nice and so caring. Why couldn't I have
picked him instead of Aaron?

"Yeah, you know sitting here it just makes me think of how great Aaron
seemed at the time, then only to find out he's banging Mike," my face
completely drained of all emotion. Fuck; again I just had to think of that.

---oOo---

Ugh! School; why is it so fucking boring? Whoever invented it, I'm going to
kill em, again. I suppose it's not all bad. I mean, I recently realized I'm
gay, and I noticed that walking around the halls of school is the one place
where all your fantasies can go wild. Hot, drop dead gorgeous guys walking
around, wearing tight clothes showing of their packages. I mean what's not
to like? Shit, got to calm down; don't want to pop a boner right here; that
could be social suicide. But look at all the guys! Oh, that one has wicked
guns, oh he has amazing eyes, awww, he has an incredible body; shit I'm
drooling.

BAM! Argh, fuck my head, what the fuck? Who swings a door out when someone
is walking past? Fucking asshole. Lucky the floor is holding me back, or he
would have been effed up.

"Oh shit, are you okay?" the masculine, husky voice drew me from my pain,
making my eyes lock on to the figure before me. Perfection. He stood around
5'10", his light blonde hair, swaying to the side, with small curls dancing
on the tips, highlighting his boyish face. His full pink lips curled up
into a smile, and his golden, silky brown eyes showing concern for me. He
outstretched his toned arm, and I just stared at it. Oh My God his arm is
fucking hot! The hard muscle was highlighted by one single vein, running
down the tanned mound of flesh.

"You sure you're okay?" his voice softened remarkably. This kid has to be
my age. "C'mon, get up dude. I was listening to this song for music; gotta
learn the lyrics to sing it and I didn't see you, sure your okay?"

"Uhh... Y-y-yeah I-I'm fine," I smiled shyly. Wow this couldn't get any
more awkward, but damn he's just so fucking hot.

"I'm Aaron."

---oOo---

"Wait, Mike fucked Aaron?!?!" Tyler's voice ripped me from my blissful
state, the seething anger dripped off his words like a vicious animal.
Wait, he didn't know? I thought everyone knew; what has Mike been telling
people?

"Wait, huh? You didn't know?" my voice came out a whisper; this just got a
whole lot harder.

"No, of course I didn't fucking know! Seriously Kai, I'm gonna kill him!
How could he do this to you? To my Kai?" his eyes filled with a passionate
rage. I have to calm him soon. Whoa, he just called me, 'my Kai'; what does
that mean?

"Tyler? What do you mean 'my Kai'?" my soft voice instantly quelled his
raging fury. Just as the last word left my mouth all the color from his
handsome face left, his mouth hung agape; he didn't even know he said
it. Oh God.

------
Mike's P.O.V.:
------

Oh FUCK! What is wrong with me? Of course he would never want to take me
back! I ruined his life for him, for my Kai. Even with all this shit
happening, he still keeps dragging the pieces of my heart everywhere he
goes. If he told me to fly to the moon, I would find a way. My shirt was
still cold from where he cried; the cold, stained tears were keeping me
warm, knowing that they came from Kai. That's all I need, all I need is a
little piece of him and then, then he will be mine. I can't give up on him,
on us. I just need to dig a little further and make him listen, and then
everything will be great, just great. I wiped the remnants of my tears on
the back of my hand; soon I'll be there to wipe your tears Kai. I stood up
from the table with newfound determination. Kai is going to be mine, and I
promise I will never let him go.

"Oh, where did Kai go?" Rachel's shrieking voice knocked me out of my
confident state. Kai, he left, he told me to let him go. I can't do that,
not now, not ever. I love him too much. My eyes focused on hers, her eyes
were filled with rage. Oh shit.

"Ahhh, he left."

"Why did he leave? WHAT DID YOU DO?" her voice raised to a shout. A few
people at the surrounding tables turned our way. I don't have time for
this; I need to go find Kai, tell him I love him, and kiss away his tears.

"I didn't do anything." My voice was a soft whisper, my lip quivering. I
need to get to him.

"Look, I know what you did to him; I'm not a big fan of yours. You're the
biggest fucking dickhead I have ever met; what would make you do something
like that?" her eyes glazed over with hate, towards me and what I did to
Kai.

"I-I-I... I did it coz I love him... if he found out what Aaron did he
would dump him, then we could be together." The pressure behind my eyes was
rising.

"Something's wrong with your plan asshole; you're the one Aaron cheated
with. You're worse than Aaron was; you were his best friend since you were
what, five? And you go and fuck him over like this?"

"It's not like that; if he found out how many people Aaron cheated with,
then he would realize he should be with me. I thought he would realize how
much I need him." Two tears made their escape, cascading down my face.

"So you show him what? You and his boyfriend; the guy he loved, FUCKING!
What is wrong with you?"  Rachel snapped.

"No, I wasn't supposed to be in the video; my face was meant to be off the
screen." Three more tears escaped my eyes.

"OH THAT MAKES IT SO MUCH BETTER! You still did it! It was you! You're the
reason he is hurting, and you excuse is, `I wasn't meant to be on the
screen'?" she shouted.

"NO! It would have been fine if Kai realized what Aaron was doing before; I
just needed him to see for himself." I tried to explain.

"And you had to be the one to show him? You pretty much fucked up his
entire life; he is broken and torn. You couldn't have just told him how you
feel? I'm sure he would have handled that a hell of a lot better," her eyes
softened; she was feeling sorry for me, how? How could anyone feel sorry
for me? After what I did to Kai; no one should have to go through what I
put him through, ME!

"Look, I hate you! And I don't hate many people! What you did was the worst
thing you could do, really. You filmed yourself fucking his boyfriend; oh
that wouldn't hurt him, would it? You are pathetic; you're a poor excuse
for a person, but I can tell Kai means everything to you. You're falling
apart without him. I can see the way your eyes light up, hell you could
light up a room as soon as he walks in. Mate, you need to get your shit in
gear and fucking apologize to him; at least let him know why you did it.
He's not gonna forgive you, he probably never will, but at least give him a
reason to hate you."

"I-I have to go, sorry." I said.

"Don't apologize, but if you make it worse, I WILL bash the shit outta
you!"

With that I made my quick escape from the crazy bitch. I need to find Kai.
My eyes were flowing with tears, tears of pain and what I did to
Kai. Rachel's right; I am a poor excuse for a person. He could be anywhere
by now, shit, where would he go when he is upset? Man it's been so long, I
don't even know the first place to start looking. I started walking back to
school; places we went when we were kids were swirling around my cluttered
mind. All the memories of us, me and him smiling having fun, being normal,
playing in the water, sharing a room.  When he was sad you could see his
eyes quiver; now they're just lifeless; glazed over by his worn out
emotions. I need to find him, he needs space but I need him; he is my
oxygen.

Maybe Tyler knows where he is. I fucking hate the guy, but if he helps me
find Kai I can put that behind me, for awhile anyway. I pulled out my
phone. WAIT I know where he would have gone; the `park'. Of course! It's
the one place he always goes; it protects him, takes him back to a better
time in his life. Takes him back to a time before I went and fucked it all
up, before I killed Kai, leaving behind an emotionless shell of the
beautiful boy I used to know, and used to adore. I started running as fast
as I could; the sooner I get there the quicker I can get my Kai back. My
chest was expanding and compressing as I dodged through random people on
the streets. I was crossing streets without even looking. Getting hit by a
car wouldn't even stop me, not today, not when my Kai is waiting for me. My
breathing staggered as I kept sprinting, kept powering to where I knew my
Kai was hiding, alone with no one to love him. When I get there I am not
letting him go; once I catch him he's mine forever.

The park was just coming into view. As I slowed to a steady jog I was
thinking of what I will say to Kai to make him understand what I did to him
and why. `Hey Kai I love you', `I know I hurt you, but it was because I
love you'. Fuck, apology speeches are hard. I kept my solid pace, closing
the never ending gap between me and the park, between me and Kai, my Kai. I
slowly eased off into a walk. I don't know what to say, my chest tightened
at the thought of Kai rejecting me again. My lungs pushed all the air out,
my throat scratchy from the stress of what I was about to do; I was about
to tell Kai I was in love with him.

I reached the edge of the park and stopped dead in my tracks. Kai was
sitting on a swing looking down at the bark covered ground, and next to him
was Tyler. My fists clenched, my body tightened. I'm going to kill him if
he hurt Kai anymore, I will rip his fucking face off, see how many girls he
gets then. My teeth clenched shut between the weights of my jaw, my
breathing staggered from the run to the park, combined with the anger of
seeing Tyler so close to Kai, my Kai.

I kept my pace towards them, my fists clenching tighter the closer I got to
the two of them. He's fucking dead. As I got closer, Tyler looked over his
shoulder towards me, and his face completely turned into a vision of anger;
his jaw tightened and his shoulders rose. An intense death stare was shared
between us as I kept proceeding forward.

"You motherfucker, Imma kill you," his venom word shot out like daggers.

Oh, it's on now brother; you're mine.

------

Authors Note:
Comments, thoughts, criticism, anything emails it too:
ryan93111@hotmail.com
Peace out :P