Date: Fri, 2 Mar 2012 03:52:52 +0000
From: Ryan Westmen <ryan93111@hotmail.com>
Subject: There Is No Love chapter 8

There Is No Love

Chapter 8

Usual disclaimers apply, all copyright goes to me `the author', and may not
be used without my consent, you know the drill.

Email me at:

ryan93111@hotmail.com

ALSO!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH to my amazing editor Lisa :) You're great and
this story would be unreadable without you :)

P.S. this ---oOo--- means a flashback, and when you see it again it means
the end of the flashback, and back to the present, got it? Good! :)

Here we go:



Kai's P.O.V.:

Aaron.... Every nerve ending in my body tensed and burning pain flashed in
my eyes. My mouth drawn out tight, my eyes glazed over with a fierce look
of hate, disgust. What the fuck is he doing back? He didn't do a good
enough job of fucking me over before? He stood tall, his shoulders relaxed,
he doesn't even care that I'm here or that he crushed my heart.

"Aaron, what the fuck are you doing here?" I asked my voice calm but with a
vicious slur of rage. I want to stab him and then cut out his heart with a
spoon. His blue eyes were wide and dazed, searching the room avoiding eye
contact with me, I don't fucking blame him! Finally his blue eyes reached
mine, the cool blue swirling like an ocean, calm and in control at all
times, that's Aaron; never gets caught; he always has every little detail
planned out.

"Oh, hey Kai. Been a long time eh? Where's Mike, you seen him hanging
anywhere?" His words rolled of his tongue like velvet. Uninterrupted and
flowing freely. What I would give to take him out right here! I looked over
to Tyler, his eyes ablaze, his nostrils flared. He looked more pissed than
me; his fist clenched tight around his fork, he was ready to charge.

"No, I haven't seen him and if I had I wouldn't tell you anyway, not after
everything you did to me. You really just walk back in here and pretend
nothing happened?" My words were getting more and more dangerous as they
came spewing out of my mouth.

"Ok, cool. Look I don't care if you're pissed, that's cool alright? I never
even really wanted you but hey, you run out of gay guys sooner or later. Oh
wait, I guess I found more." His smile slung across his lips, lopsided and
deadly. He never wanted me; I was his last choice. That stung my heart,
ripping the small part that had recovered back open. His words hurt, my
eyes welled, this shouldn't be happening. He should be gone for good, not
returning just to fuck everyone over again. Why did he have to come to this
school? Out of every school in the fucking country, he had to come back
here?

"Dude, you can't fucking say that to him. Not after everything you did to
him." Tyler stood, his eyes piercing like knives through Aaron. His body
was tense; hard as a stone, one push from shattering.

"Look, I don't even know you really, and Kai was nice at the time. Is that
better?" His smile still slung loosely over his lips. His blue eyes a
direct contrast to Tyler's steely gaze. They stood opposite me and Tyler
across the table.  I can't deal with this right now, too much has happened
and my poor deflated heart can't take this much hurt. Everything that was
finally looking up, giving me a bridge of light, of hope shining brightly
was torn down around me again. Life can never come easily to me can it? I
stood up in a flash and headed for the doors, my eyes red and swollen
flooding with tears. He came back. He doesn't even care about me; he never
did. This isn't right, this shouldn't happen. I've been poisoned with love
because of him and the symptoms are reoccurring. The pain was searing
through me, my heart the centre of the attack. No matter how much I hated
him, loathed him, he keeps coming back for another round. Fuck life and
fuck love. Tyler's been great, but it's too hard to go through it all, to
just have it brought back to the end game. Pain!

My walk quickly evolved into a run. I needed to put as much distance
between me and them as I can. I kept running down the corridor, tears
flooding my shirt, my breathing elevated and my chest heaving with deep
breaths. I rounded the corner with people staring at me; curious as to what
was wrong with me.  I saw the library. I made my way inside and quickly
found a secluded corner; no one will find me here. I doubt Ty or Aaron even
know it's here. I sat at the table my sobs coming out silent and
painful. Every rise and fall of my chest got tighter. Every feeling I had
for Aaron, every time I felt a connection with him, the feeling surged into
me, forcing my sobs to come out more painful. Trying to keep myself under
control I looked at my hands. Why am I crying for him? He obviously never
gave me a second thought. He wouldn't have slept with Mike or anyone else
after we got together as a couple if he even felt the slightest bit, if he
even felt anything, the heartless monster. My tears finally dwindled into
wet patches covering my cheeks and chin. He never cared, he doesn't now, he
didn't then and he never will. It's time to forget about him, time to get
on with my life. I have Tyler, I have a new love and Tyler feels the same,
and more than Aaron ever did.

No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try or how hard you run, you
never can escape that first love, and all the emotions that are brought
with it. The happiness, the elated joy you feel just from thinking of them
or hearing their name. No matter what happened to end the first unbridled
love, it leaves a scar on your heart which lasts forever. That first loves
keeps you young forever, you're forever connected to that person, and they
take your heart, body and soul. Your first love, and if you're lucky, it
will be your last. But let's be real for a moment; there is absolutely no
way in hell love can last. Not when there are people out there better than
you, more attractive than you, smarter than you. There will always be that
one person out there that is better at loving that one person than you are.
In my case, every other person on the planet seems to be better than me;
every single person is better at love than I am.

My hands were quivering, my bottom lip trembling, and the pain was coursing
through my body, burning every inch. Why is this happening to me? Why do I
get to be the lucky person that gets their heart ripped out and devoured in
front of them? The library was quiet, I really don't need quiet right now;
I need a distraction; something to take my mind of the constant drum of my
hollow heart. It's true what they say. You never really can fix a heart,
but you can sure as hell keep tearing it to tiny pieces until eventually,
there is absolutely nothing left to lose. I have nothing left to give; how
can Ty expect me to love him with my entire heart, when really I have no
heart give. My battered heart has been kicked around that many times and
repeatedly thrown into the grinder that there is nothing left; by now it's
been ground down to small grains of sand.

We all want love but really, not everyone can give it. Not everyone can put
their entire being into something that will only end up killing them slowly
in the end. Why do people think that just because they give love, they will
receive love back? They think that because they can open themselves up to
someone, that people will automatically take them for what they are and not
try and alter anything about the person. How ridiculous is that? In the end
people are selfish and only keep you around to boost their image. Aaron
only kept me around so he could be seen as a prize; something to be won
over the boyfriend. He only kept me around for when his `game' didn't work
and he needed to get his rocks off. This kid deserves a round of applause;
he played the role so well and everything he wanted he got; including
destroying my heart. I can't keep doing this to myself; I need to fix
myself; I need to get my life back on track, I need to... A repeating buzz
on my leg broke my train of thought. I took out my phone and saw I had two
new messages. One from Ty and one from Mike

Ty: Hey, are you ok? Where did you go? We're all looking everywhere for
you! :S

Yeah right, if they were actually looking for me they would have found
me. It just goes to show how hard my `friends' would look for me. They
probably walked past here twenty times and didn't even bother checking in
here. I then read the second message which was from Mike. What the fuck
could he want now?

Mike: Hey, are you ok over there? Need a friend? :)

This made my head speed up and I looked around the library. Sitting three
tables away, smiling at me was Mike. He is the catalyst in this whole
situation. If it wasn't for him, I would never have found out about Aaron,
and my life would still hold some form of normalcy. Mike slowly rose and
made his way across the small room and sat down opposite me. His eyes were
looking straight through me. He could always read me like no one else; one
look and he always knew exactly what was wrong. I turned my gaze from him,
I can't cry! Not in front of him, especially not in front of him.

"He's back, I know. Are you ok? I'm worried about you," his voice was
gentle, not pressuring me into saying anything I didn't want to. He could
still make me open up to him in a heartbeat, but today that just isn't
going to happen.

"Of course I'm not ok Mike. You really thought I wouldn't have a problem
with it? At least you're going to have some fun now that he's back," I spat
back. That was uncalled-for, but I really just don't want anybody near me,
or around me.

"Hey, that's unfair and you know it. I hate him for what he did to you!
He's lucky I haven't punched him out yet. I can't stand myself for what I
caused you; for what I did to you." His voice was deep and sincere. He
lowered his head in shame or hurt; I couldn't tell and at this point, and I
really couldn't care. I needed someone to take all my anger out on. He
seemed to be there, he was after all one of the ones who caused this
pain. My eyes sharpened into daggers. He's fucked.



------

Tyler's P.O.V.:

------

Kai ran away crying and that finally snapped all the tension I had, all the
hate I actually had for this person. He doesn't even deserve to be called
that; this creature. I pulled my fist back and swung, the crack echoed the
whole way around the cafeteria. Every single person in the lunchroom froze,
their heads snapped to the direction of the sound just in time to see Aaron
falling backwards, collapsing on the cold cement floor, clutching his face
where I struck it. Let's see how his pretty little face likes that. After
he landed I squatted down over him and roughly pulled him by his collar so
he could look into my blazing eyes

"If you ever talk to Kai or go near him, or so much as look at him, I can
promise you that I will do a lot more damage then I just did! Got it?" My
eyes were drilling into his, my voice deep and raspy with an audible growl
to it. My rage was exploded, and there was no going back. I threw him back
to the ground, his head making a thundering crack. I got up and stormed out
of the hall. I have to find Kai; I need to find my baby. I started walking
around the school looking for him. I needed him and more importantly, he
needed me. As I was pacing the halls looking for Kai, Rachel caught up with
me and stopped me. She embraced me softly, her arms circling me in a loving
embrace.

"Hey, are you okay? What you did back there was bloody awesome, but you
know you're gonna be in some major shit now right?" I softly nodded against
her. She was right but it needed to be done for my baby boy. A deep booming
voice filled the recesses of the hall.

"Tyler, my office, now!" The voice growled out the last word, making both
of us cringe.

"You need to find Kai for me and make sure he is okay." I said as I started
walking off in the direction of the voice. Rachel simply nodded and
continued my search for Kai. As I was catching up to our lovely school
principal, (I'm being a bit sarcastic here), I quickly shot a text off to
Kai.

Ty: Hey, are you ok? Where did you go? We're all looking everywhere for
you! :S

I can't let him know what happened. I mean he will find out but hopefully
I'll get to tell him first. I need to calm down and be responsible now. Kai
wants me responsible and mature so I have to try and make an effort just
for him. No more fighting, for now anyway. I can't believe how much this
boy has changed my entire world; he's opened up so many doors, so many
possibilities, so many new emotions that I never thought I would ever get
to experience. And here I am, feeling this way about the most amazing boy
on the planet, hell in the universe. He is my everything; I would be
nothing without him. I'd still be the closeted jock struggling to accept
himself and the people around him.



Sorry this chapter took so long to get out. Life has been a tad hectic at
the moment. Any thoughts, Criticizm, just want to chat email me at:

ryan93111@hotmail.com

peace :P