Date: Tue, 6 Feb 2001 17:20:55 -0500
From: Justin <Jus10AD@sc.rr.com>
Subject: Through My Eyes, CHapter Four

 Hey People! Me again! I have a new email address now where you can all
email me with comments and whatnot. Here's CHapter Four. I hope you all
like this chapter and are liking the story as well. THANKS...and please
don't hesitate to write!

Through My Eyes
Chapter 4


            I stared out the window as the world rushed by me. It had
sprinkled rain here and there the whole way to Myrtle Beach, but the skies
seemed to be clearing up. Maybe I'd even get to the beach today. I sighed
and my mind was once again drawn back to the events that had taken place
the night before. Maybe I should have called Cody and told him it was
ok. But was it ok? I mean, he kissed me for cryin out loud! And what's
more..I liked it. Maybe I was angry with him. He's completely turned my
life upside down and last night was when I hit the ground.hard. I was
hoping it would have all been a dream, but was sadly disappointed when I
awoke the next morning and it all came rushing back to me.

            I shook my head and continued to stare out the window. The sun
had come out now and was shining down just about the time I saw the
ocean. I smiled to myself. While I'm here, I'm not thinking about it. This
is my time to be completely happy and have fun. No more stress! At least
for the month I was staying there. At least for the month, I was going to
forget about who I was and just be.. Someone else.



"JC!!!" Jessy ran up to me and threw her arms around my neck.

"Hey Baby! Careful, don't want to strangle me to death!" I joked as I
hugged her back. She pulled back and smiled, placing a kiss on my lips. The
sweet kiss slowly turned into a longer, lingering kiss that made me realize
how much I'd missed Jessy. I had decided to stay for the whole summer
instead of just a month. I had gotten a job with my Uncle at his country
club and I was getting used to having the steady cashflow, but as they
say.all good things must come to an end. I'd grown about 3 inches over the
summer and stood at a respectable 5'6 as opposed to 5'3 which I'd
hated. I'd also gotten a deep tan and my hair had turned so light it almost
looked blonde. I looked like a surfer or something.

            Jessy took a step back and gave me a once over with her
eye. She shook her head and bit her lower lip.

"I was right!" She said, nodding her head and still eyeing me.

"What?" I asked, my face turning red.

"You look so sexy with a tan! And you've grown like a foot!"

"3 Inches."

"You look hot!"

"Thanks," I blushed. I looked down at the ground and then away. I guess my
old shyness was coming back to me. I'd gotten used to having no one know
me. I felt completely free that way. I could be anybody I wanted at that
beach!

"Come on inside. I've got a surprise for you." Jessy took my arm and led me
inside with a big grin on her face. I eyed her suspiciously and stepped up
to the door. She opened it and it swung open. I was immediately then
greeted by a huge outpour of..

"SURPRISE!" About 30 or 40 people stood all around my front door with big
smiles on their face. Did I even have this many friends? I smiled and my
eye caught a misfit.a non-smiler. Immediately, my face dropped. Cody looked
at me shyly and then away. Oh God, not now. I mustered up some cheerfulness
and plastered the smile back across my face again.

"Oh my gosh! Thank you guys!" I exclaimed.

"Thank Jessy..she planned it all out," my mother chimed in. I smiled and
turned to Jessy who smiled up at me. I threw my arms around her and picked
her up off the ground.

"Thanks love." I set her down and placed a kiss on her cheek. I winked at
her and then turned back to the guests. I glanced back at where Cody had
been standing, but he disappeared. I shrugged and then followed Jessy into
the living room where music played and people began dancing.

            About a fourth of the way through the party, I began feeling
overwhelmingly guilty about the whole Cody situation and decided I needed
to talk to him. Someone told me he hadn't left yet, so I decided to look
for him. I stepped outside onto the deck into the warm summer evening. I
looked around and then walked down the stairs to the pool area. Still no
sign of him. I walked past the pool towards the dock and sure enough, there
he was with his feet dangling off the dock into the water. He whirled
around when he heard my footsteps on the wood.

"You startled me." He said, turning back towards the water. I stepped
behind him and sighed.

"We need to talk." I said, not really wanting to. But I needed to get it
out in the open before it drove me nuts. He looked down and began chewing
on his lower lip. I took a seat beside him on the dock. His eyes didn't
move.

"Look, I feel like such a jerk for letting you run out like that before I
left."

"No, its not your fault. I shouldn't have told you. I don't blame you."

"No, it is my fault. It wasn't fair to go off and leave you with this
guilt. You haven't done anything wrong. It shocked me to no end! I just
didn't know what to do. It freaked me out, I'll admit it. But I reacted the
wrong way. It's totally ok, Cody."

He looked up, surprised. He looked skeptical though.

"I just thought.I don't know. I thought I sensed something." He said
softly, looking back down. "I thought.."

"You thought that I was gay too." I finished for him.  He shook his head.

"I just thought I felt something between us." He whispered. He sounded so
weak. I put my hand on his shoulder, but he cowered under it and pulled
away. I sighed. I could see tears beginning to stream down his face.

"Cody, please don't cry.." I tried to comfort him, but he wouldn't let me
touch him.

"You're disgusted by me. You hate me."

"No, no I don't!"

"Yes you do! All of you people are the same! Shallow pieces of shit."
Shallow? He thought I was shallow? And what exactly did he mean you people?

"You people?" I asked, completely hurt and confused by his statement.

"All of you rich kids with your cell phones and BMW's," he snapped. I
stared at him wide-eyed. I wasn't anything like the people I hung out
with. I don't even like most of them all that much. They are shallow, but I
never considered myself one of them. Is this how people see me?

"Cody, I'm not like that and you know it!"

"Aren't you?" He snapped again.

"No! Cody, I'm not disgusted by you and I don't hate you! This is no reason
to hate someone! I don't judge like that, man!" I assured him. He glared at
me, seemingly annoyed and cold.

"Whatever. See ya 'round, JACK!" With that, he got up and stormed off. I
slumped over and buried my head in my hands. My head pounded and I felt
like I was going to throw up.

"JC? What are you doing out here? People are starting to leave." Jessy's
voice came from behind me. I turned and looked at her. She looked around
and then back at me.

"Have you been out here by yourself all this time?" She asked. I looked
past her to where Cody had stomped off to and then back up at her.

"Yea." She shot me a strange look as I got up and joined her. I put my arm
around her and walked with her back inside, glancing back behind me once
more.



            Over the next two weeks, I tried my best to get in touch with
Cody. I got his number from a mutual friend and left countless messages on
his answering machine. I even got his address and went over to his house,
but no one would ever answer. I couldn't believe how he'd reacted at my
welcome back party. Where did all that come from?

            I laid out on my hammock watching the sky turn it's various
colors as the day progressed into night. Only a few more days until school
starts back up. What a depressing thought that was. I'd been living in
paradise all summer and I have to turn around and go back to hell? I sighed
and tried to push that out of my mind. A knock on the balcony door
interrupted my moment of peace and I looked towards it with an annoyed
expression on my face. My mom stepped out onto the balcony. We had always
been pretty close. Closer than my Dad and I. James and Dad clicked
better. James was the athlete and I was.well, I didn't really know who I
was. I didn't consider myself an artist really. I'd always had a talent for
it and had been told I was very gifted, but art never really interested
me. I liked to sing, but my voice had pretty much been shot since my voice
changed. I liked to write, but I didn't have the patience, plus, you can't
be guaranteed successful at any of those. There I go over-thinking again.

"Hey Mom."

"Hey Sweetie. I'll be home tomorrow at noon so we can head out."

"Head out?"

"You mean you've forgotten?" She asked somewhat surprised.

"Forgotten what?" I looked at her, completely confused.

"Your driver's test, Jack!" She laughed. "You've been waiting for this day
since you turned 15..or so I thought."

"Oh my gosh! I completely spaced. That's tomorrow?" She nodded and crossed
her arms over her chest. "Man, I can't believe I forgot." She chuckled,
shaking her head, and walked back inside.

            I laid back down on the hammock and drifted back into my
peaceful state. Then the phone rang.

"I give up!" I groaned as I got up and jogged inside to where the phone
was.

"Hello?" I answered, the frustration apparent in my voice.

"JC?"

"Cody! Where the hell have you been? I have been trying to get in touch
with you for weeks!"

"I know. Look, I'm sorry about the way I reacted. I guess I'm just a little
sensitive about the whole thing you know. Not many people are real
accepting, you know?" He sounded distant, but sincere.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. It's completely understandable. I just
wish you had called me sooner. I've been worried."

"You have?"

"Hell yea!"

"That mouth of yours boy!" He laughed. I covered my mouth and smiled.

"Sorry."

"Just teasin, man. Can we just strike that whole deal on the dock from the
record?"

"You bet."

"Thanks."

"No Prob, Cody." We stayed quiet for a few moments. "Was there something
else?"

"Well, I'm leaving."

"What do you mean?"

"We're moving again."

"Moving? Where? When?"

"Yes, San Francisco, two days." He replied.

"Oh my gosh. I can't believe this."

"What? You're not actually going to miss me are you?"

I blushed and stayed quiet. I guess he sensed it cause he laughed.

"I'm just playin, man."

"We'll have to get together before you go. You know, as a goodbye thing or
something."

"Can't. Tomorrow we're going to Columbia to get a few things we left there
from the last move and then we're leaving at 1 the next day." He explained.

"Well, I'll come see you to say goodbye."

"Well, you sure are persistent. Sure you're not interested?" He teased. I
got quiet once again.

"I'm just playing, JC! Geez, man, take a joke." I mustered up a fake laugh
and felt incredibly uncomfortable because the fact was, I would miss
him. And maybe I was interested. I mean, why would I have all those dreams
if I wasn't interested. Guess I'd never know, but then again, maybe it was
for the best. One word..Jessy.

"Well, I've got to go." He said after a few moments.

"Ok, well I'll come by sometime around ten on Sunday. After church."

"Sounds good. Bye, JC."

"Bye Cody." I hung up the phone and suddenly felt so much better and so
much worse at the same time. What if I was interested in Cody and what if I
was...I can't even say the word. I'd never have a chance to find out. But
again, it was probably for the best. Maybe I wasn't. Maybe it was just
stress after all and God was taking Cody away to make me see that. Still, I
was a little sad.



Two days later, I walked the few blocks to Cody's house and knocked on his
front door. A few minutes later, he answered the door and stepped aside for
me to come in. I was still in my church clothes, but had loosened my tie
and unbuttoned my shirt, revealing the tight-fitting tank top
underneath. My sleeves were rolled up as well.  I thought I caught him
looking at me out of the corner of my eye, but ignored it.

He led me to his room at the back of the house and I took a seat on the
bed. He stood at the doorway awkwardly as if he didn't know what to do. I
smiled reassuringly.

"You can come sit on the bed, Cody. I'm not scared you'll hit on me or
anything." I assured him, patting the seat next to me.

"Yea, but I can't be sure I won't." I blushed all kinds of red and looked
away. "Sorry, my mouth takes control sometimes." He apologized, taking a
seat at the foot of the bed. I shook my head.

"It's ok." He smiled at my blushing and then looked away. I felt extremely
uncomfortable and decided to change the subject.

"I can't believe you're leaving. I feel like we didn't get to know each
other at all!" I exclaimed. He nodded and looked down.

"Yea I know. But maybe it's better this way."

"What do you mean?" I asked. He continued to look down, fidgeting with his
fingers.

"Because..JC.you don't feel the same way about me as I do about you." This
caught me by complete surprise. I just stared at him, not knowing what to
say. He then looked up at me and shrugged.

"But it's ok, you know. It's not your fault." I still said nothing. "I
mean, you're not gay, not like that's a bad thing. In fact, it's a very
good thing when you think about it. Being this way is no bowl of cherries."
He chuckled. I smiled slightly and looked down. Still I said nothing.

"Well, anyway. I can see I'm making you very uncomfortable, so let's change
the subject, shall we?" I smiled and breathed a sigh of relief.

"So." We both couldn't think of anything to say, which magnified the
awkwardness in the room.

"Oh, I got my restricted license!" I exclaimed.

"Whoa! Awesome!" Cody smiled. I nodded and the moment of excitement was
gone. After a few more moments of silence, I finally stood up.

"I'm really sorry, but I should go. I told my Mom I wouldn't be long. We're
having brunch with some friends of the family." Cody laughed and began
speaking in a snooty accent.

"At the country club, no doubt. Have some tea, chat about polo." He laughed
and I blushed once again. "I'm joking. I'm glad you came over. It was nice
meeting you, JC. And thanks for everything. You've been a good friend."

"Please."

"No really." I smiled and we walked to the front door. I stepped outside
and he stood at the door. I turned and looked at him, wanting to say
something, but not knowing what. I looked up at him. He was smiling at
me. That smile. Maybe there is something there.

"Is there something wrong?" Cody asked. I bit my lip and shook my head. He
nodded and gave me a strange look.

"Bye, JC."

"Bye, Cody." I turned and began walking away. I could feel his eyes burning
into my back as he watched me go. I knew he was hurt and was hiding it, but
I couldn't tell him. I have Jessy and I can't possibly be..well, you
know. I continued to walk home with my head down.

            I went straight up to my room and began getting dressed to
leave for the brunch. As I did so, I began to feel more and more like
something was bothering me. I knot was forming in the pit of my stomach. I
do like Cody. I sighed. I love Jessy, though. But what if this is something
more with Cody? I had to find out. I had to tell him. I slipped into my
sandals and ran downstairs.

"Mom, I'm taking the car for a few minutes down the street." Before I could
get an answer I was in the car and driving down the roads to Cody's
house. I parked in front of the house across the street and ran up to the
front door. I knocked on it again and again and still no answer. I could
hear a radio on, so I circled the house and went to the back door. I
knocked on it as hard as I could, but still no one answered. I walked back
around the house to see Cody getting into a van.

"Cody!" He didn't hear me. I yelled it again and still he didn't hear me. I
began jogging and then running as the can pulled into the road.

"Wait!" I screamed. I reached the road, but it was too late. The van was
already down the street and turning off of it. I jumped in my Mom's car and
made a U-turn and peeled off down the road. I turned on the same road the
van had turned on, but it was no where in sight. I looked all around, but
finally gave up. He was gone.


Stay Tuned......