Date: Sat, 05 Feb 2000 16:54:31 GMT
From: Lucky Redwood <wanna_get_lucky@hotmail.com>
Subject: Time Will Tell - Chapter 5

Hi there! Chapter five ready here. Hope that everyone is still enjoying the
series.  Can't wait to hear what you all have to say about it so keep in
touch; wanna_get_lucky@hotmail.com Hope to hear from you soon.

Time Will Tell
Chapter 5 - Confessions

"Hey Conner." A passing girl greeted him on her way to school. Conner
forced a smile out of himself. He felt lousy, he didn't want to be at
school whatsoever. He knew that he wouldn't be able to concentrate on his
work for a start. His mum had made him go to school for the first time in a
week. Danny's condition hadn't changed at all but Conner wanted to be with
him when he woke up and he obviously couldn't do that if he was at school
all the time.

	All of Conner's thoughts recently had been negative. He feared the
worst for his boyfriend and still blamed himself for what had happened. All
his friends knew what was going on between him and Danny, Trix's outburst
in the middle of the hospital had ensured that. He felt confident that none
of them thought any less of him for it, but was also extremely worried that
Danny would be upset by the fact that they all knew what was going on
between them.

	Trix had been making a special effort to be kind to Conner. He had
been worried that Conner would hate him for having outted him in front of
all their friends.  Luckily nobody had appeared to reject either Danny or
Conner within the group and nobody else around the school appeared to
know. That made Trix feel a little bit better.

	It had been a week since the accident, nobody had felt
themselves. They were all feeling pretty depressed but always tried to be
positive whenever Conner was around, they hadn't seen much of him
though. They had only really seen him when they were visiting Danny and
Conner was already in the hospital with him. He had spent most of his time
in the hospital over the last week. He sometimes did homework by Danny's
side, sometimes had watched the telly but had mostly just watched Danny. He
didn't know why, anybody else would have gone insane doing something so
monotonous but Conner could literally sit for hours just watching Danny
lying there.

	Scott had not been in to school for some time himself, he had heard
about Danny's accident and had visited him regularly. Scott had felt it
best to avoid seeing Conner because of the way he felt for Danny. This had
proved difficult because of how much time Conner had been spending with
Danny.

	As Conner sulked his way into his first classroom on that Monday
morning he wanted to throw up. He was so worried about his boyfriend. He
sat in lesson not paying much attention. He had been staring out the window
for most of the time in fact. The lesson seemed to drag on and on and
on. His day went by so slowly because he couldn't stop thinking about
Danny.

	The school had held an assembly offering a prayer for Danny. As
Danny's friends sat there they wondered how many people in the hall that
morning were really praying for Danny, not just praying for the sake of
it. Conner had not been present for the assembly but had been told about it
by Luke afterwards.

	Sean had been facing more problems that his friends had been
however.  Whilst his brother had been in his coma his mother had informed
him that his father would not be coming home again. Sean and Danny's dad
had abandoned them, he had returned with their mum from their business trip
and left home for another woman. He had not been informed of Danny's
condition. Their mother had not found Sean's note telling them about Danny
being in hospital until his dad had collected his stuff and gone. His
mother did not have nor had wanted a contact address or telephone number to
reach him on with his new woman. She had felt that it was up to her
cheating husband to produce that particular effort for his son's benefit,
not hers.  It wasn't as if the family had not had enough problems with
Danny being in a coma but now they had to deal with the fact that their dad
was living with another woman. Sean had become extremely reclusive. He
hadn't returned any phone calls that were made to him which he refused to
take. He left his room for meal times only, during which he hardly said
anything and then went back up to his room as soon as he had finished
eating. His mum had been becoming more and more concerned with Sean as well
as Danny.

Things had not seemed to be going well for anyone within this network of
people at all recently. Most of them had wondered to themselves on many an
occasion how it had been so easy for their lives to have turned to such
depressing levels so quickly.

*****

"Trix are you OK?"  "Yeah babe, I'm just thinking about how much I'm
missing Danny again."  "I can understand that. It's true what they say
isn't it? Absence makes the heart grow fonder."  "Definitely! It also seems
to put other things into perspective as well doesn't it? I think back on
the arguments that we've been having lately and feel so petty.  I never
meant to hurt you Trace, I shouldn't be so selfish in our relationship, I
realise that now. I've been expecting too much from you, as if I want you
in a way so that it's you who has to be there when I need you, not when you
need me. I feel really bad about that. Having seen Conner sit at Danny's
bedside day in day out I've realised how much he wants to be there for the
person he loves and it's made me realise that I haven't been treating you
right."  "Trix! I'm happy with what we have, we're not too interdependent
but we can talk about anything that we need to. I don't want to change who
you are, I could never expect that off you or anyone for that matter. All I
need is a little time and affection on some occasions."  "I know and I
promise you that from now on that that is what you will get."  With that he
leaned over and gave his girlfriend a big kiss on the cheek and placed his
arm warmly around her neck. They leaned into each other's bodies looking
forward to a better relationship between them.  "Trace?"  "Yeah?"  "I love
you so much."  "I love you too hunny."

*****

"Sean could you come down here please?" Sean secretly cursed his mother for
making him have to go downstairs, he knew he was going to have to talk with
her about things he didn't want to have to face.  "What is it mum?"  "I
think we should talk."  "OK" "I want you to know that if you want to talk
to your father then you should try to contact him, I do not have any
problem with it. He is your father, I can never stop that from being the
case and I wouldn't want to."  "OK mum" Sean began to make his way back to
his room.  "I haven't finished yet. I know your father very well and can
honestly say that he will not have done this because he's stopped loving
you, he's only stopped loving me. Our marriage has been shaky for some time
now, since we're away so much it has been reasonably easy to keep that fact
from you. We only did that so that we didn't cause you or Danny any
unnecessary worries. I'll be spending a lot more time at home from now on
too because your dad is taking the business. He's buying out my share in
the company and I'm getting a new job soon, I've applied to some
recruitment adverts in the paper and should be hearing from them soon. We
don't have to leave the house, so you won't have that to worry about
either. I guess I just want you to know that I am here for you to talk to
sweetheart OK?"  "Sure mum. I've missed you, you know?  "I've missed you
too Sean but we'll have much more time together from now on. I don't want
you to think that our separation has anything to do with either you or
Danny, it's just something that's been a long time coming because of our
own feelings."  "I understand mum, it's just going to be weird for
me. It'll be strange knowing that he will never come back, before I knew
that whenever you two went away you'd both be back pretty soon, but now I
know that that is not going to be the case."  "I'm sorry Sean. I just wish
that we could have made it work for yours and Danny's sake."  "It couldn't
be helped mum, I'm sure. Besides it wouldn't be fair on you to stay
together for our sake."  "You're such a good person Sean. I love you so
much. You're always so selfless and compassionate no matter what happens."
"I try my best" Sean jokingly bragged.  "Don't let it go to your head
kiddo!" his mum joked back.  "Mum, I don't know if I do want to get in
touch with dad or not. It just feels wrong, I feel that he should be the
one to make that move."  "I can understand that, but you know what your dad
is like. He's a pessimist, he's probably sitting somewhere right now
worrying that you and Danny hate him and never want to speak to him again
and so is too scared to ring or write in case he gets rejected by you."
"Maybe, but I'm his son. He couldn't believe that could he?"  "Your dad
believes a lot of strange things!"  "You mean like all that moon landing
conspiracy stuff and that Elvis is hiding away healthy and is recording a
perfect music album or something."  "Those do spring to mind, Yeah." The
pair laughed. They had often made fun of his beliefs in a joking way, but
this time they somehow seemed to mean it in a derogatory way. He had
abandoned them and they felt justified in meaning to insult him.  Sean had
already learnt that his father was a distant man. He had never been close
to him, nor had Danny for that matter. Their father had appeared to be
somebody who was just there, never a figure of importance in their young
lives but always lurking silently in the background. Sean had been upset
but hadn't known why, he was beginning to see that his mother was coming to
understand how he felt and that it had comforted her.  "I think I'll go to
school tomorrow mum, I'd like to get on with my life now. Danny wouldn't
appreciate me moping around at home and I realise now that you're strong
enough to cope with your separation from dad. I want you to know that we
are in this together though. It's not that you don't need him, or I don't
or Danny doesn't, none of us do. We can survive as a family of three."  "I
know Sean, we'll be a great team."

*****

"Scott! Wait up!"  "Hey Luke."  "Why have you been avoiding everyone lately
Scott?" Luke had decided before this discussion that when he saw Scott next
he would come straight to the point.  "I haven't been avoiding you all."
"It doesn't seem that way and then this morning you walked past everyone on
the bench and didn't look as if you were going to even bother saying hi."
"I was just a bit distracted that's all, I've had a lot on my mind
recently."  "We all have man, but we've been trying to help each other. I
know this might sound pretty callous but Danny is still going to be in a
coma whether we feel sorry for him or ourselves or not. We have to keep
living our own lives, think of it as Danny being on holiday or something,
that helps me."  "Yeah but he's not on fucking holiday is he? He's lying in
a hospital bed having nearly died twice and is in a coma. To think of it
any differently is to hide from the feelings that you are just trying to
cover up in yourself. If that makes you comfortable then go for it but
you're going to have to face up to reality when he wakes up and doesn't
have any fucking holiday photo's to show you."  "Scott, what is up with you
lately man. You would never have acted like this before, what changed you?"
"The near death of someone I care about man! What do you think it was?"  "I
don't know, it's just we don't want to loose you as a friend, you've been a
good friend to us all. We need you as much as anyone else in our group,
don't feel isolated.  You can always come back and hang around as soon as
you're ready."  "Sure thanks." Scott said unenthusiastically and began to
walk away from Luke. A thought dawned on Luke who drew in a breath of air
so as to ask Scott the question that had arisen in his mind. Realising the
sensitive issue it involved he ran after Scott to ask him more privately
rather than shout it out.  "Scott, do you hate Danny and Conner because
they're gay?"  "What? No, of course I don't. That doesn't bother me one
bit. I wouldn't have been visiting Danny otherwise would I?"  "Please could
you stop walking I really need to talk to you. I want you to tell me what's
wrong, it upsets me to think that you can't trust me or help you."  "I'm
not ready yet. I want to tell my friends but I can't, it doesn't feel right
yet."  "Well when you are, I'm here for you man. Please don't doubt that,
we're all here for you."  "I know. Maybe soon Luke. Thank you too, for
putting up with me when I'm like this."  "You're a good friend, I can't let
you go getting depressed on us too can I?"

	The two said their goodbyes and began to walk their separate
ways. It was strange for Scott, somehow he knew that if he turned his back
on Luke and the others now he would never be friends with them. He couldn't
walk away from Luke like this. He stopped quickly and turned to call to
Luke who was only about 10 metres away. He was ready to take the plunge,
only step by step, if that makes sense.  "Luke! You want to know? What's
been bothering me?"  "If you want me to." They began to walk towards each
other again.  "I know how Conner feels about Danny."  "What do you mean?"
"I know how it feels to be in love with Danny. I've been avoiding you all
because Danny told me that they were going out and I felt so stupid. I feel
really awkward being around Conner knowing that he is living my dream, he
stole the life that I wanted."  "Wow, I really didn't see that one coming
man. I don't know what to say.  There's nothing that I can say that'll make
you feel better I guess. How long have you felt this way for?"  "Years, it
was better to think he was straight than it is knowing that he was gay and
in love with someone other than me."  "I can imagine that. Can I just say
though he really thought of you as a good friend, he wouldn't have done
this to hurt you, he'll be upset to think that you're not going to hang
around with us anymore because of this. That would be the last thing that
he wants."  "I know, I'm just worried that I'll say something that I'll
regret though. I mean I really feel as if I want to hate Conner, but I
can't bring myself to do it.  I don't hate him at all. Sure I'm jealous and
bitter but not even with him, with the situation more. I actually like
Conner, he's a great guy but he has my guy."

	Luke and Scott had talked about life with each other a lot, but
never about anything like this. They both felt that any inhibitions that
may have hindered their friendship before had been lifted and they began to
realise that they could now talk about anything that they wanted to with
each other.

*****

"Hey Danny. I've been at school all day, sorry I didn't come round earlier.
You wouldn't believe the amount of work those asshole teachers are making
me catch up with. It's ridiculous. You can't even help me with my
trigonometry at the moment either. I think that some of what you taught me
has stuck though, at least I got over fifty per cent of the answers right
in the test this time. I only got three out of fifty points before you
helped me. Oh well, maths wasn't ever my strong point, was it? It's
definitely not something that I want to do at A-level next year either. I
have to make my choices by the end of this week too. I definitely want to
do English and Psychology but I can't decide between French and
Geography. I really wanted your advice on my options but it looks as if I'm
going this one alone. I know you would never have told me which subject to
choose, you'd have probably said that it was subjective to the person or
something like that. You could have helped me though."

Conner fell silent for a while, the silence of his boyfriend, although
unavoidable, upset him.  "You know I've been afraid that you don't believe
that I feel the same way about you as you do about me? I read what you had
said in your diary and everything, and I know that you feel so much for me,
but I never got the opportunity to let you know just how much I feel the
same for you. I've been worried that you think that I'm in our relationship
for a quick shag or something but it is just not like that.  I love you so
much that I don't want to live without you. Every breath I take, every time
I speak, eat, blink, sleep and everything else that I do is entirely
influenced by you. You completely overwhelm me. I love you so much and it
kills me to see you lying here, I'm not even sue if you're capable of
hearing this or not. I doubt that if you can you'll remember when you wake
up. I need to say it to you though and I guess that this is the easiest
time to say it. I hope that I can say it to your face sometime soon
though. I guess that if we were in a film now, this would be the moment
when you came round but I can tell that that isn't going to happen. Danny,
I love you so much. I need you with me. I want you to be with me
again. Please don't think that I was doing anything behind your back, I
could never do anything like that, especially to you.  Wake up soon,
please."

	Conner leant his head on the side of Danny's bed and took his hand
into his own. As he slowly cried himself to sleep he still felt incomplete
thinking that when his beloved boyfriend woke up he would still think that
he had cheated on him. That thought hurt him so much. He couldn't bare the
thought that Danny would not trust him in the way that he trusted Danny.


There you have it. Keep your eye out for the next in the series. Shouldn't
take long, I'm not too busy with school work at the moment. Just give me a
couple of days or so.

Write me! wanna_get_lucky@hotmail.com