Date: Wed, 26 Sep 2001 20:13:50 -0400
From: Bill Porter <wep363@myexcel.com>
Subject: Tossed Away Kid Chapter 11

Tossed Away Kid - Chapter 11

This is a work of fiction.  Any similarity to anyone in real life is a
coincidence.

A special thanks to Ed for his editorial help.
Please let me know what you think wep363@myexcel.com
My Web Site http://wpstories.tripod.com/

********

This is a story of love, hope, and trust.  It also deals with rejection,
false hope, and mistrust.  It is not a sex story. However, this story deals
with love between two male teenagers. If you are offended by stories
involving love between two teenage boys, please do not read this story.
There may be some sex scenes in this story; however, sex is not the main
theme and will not be graphically described.  If you are under age 18 or 21
or it is illegal to read this story where you live, don't get caught
reading it. Reproducing this story for distribution without the owner's
permission is a violation of that copyright.

********

I need to tell you more about the recruit company. The schools where the
recruits come from are made up of mostly black students. I'm told that at
one time Chicago was one of the most segregated cities in the country. This
is still very much true today. Mike, Mark, and I are the only white guys in
the company. Even Sergeant Brooks is a black man. The average age of the
recruits is 17. My dad taught me to believe that all black people were bad
and not to be trusted. Of course my dad hates everyone including his own
sons. Up to this point in my life it really hadn't mattered. Most of the
kids at my old school were white and I got along with the few black kids
and kids of other races at school. As busy as we were I had not really
gotten to know anyone very well. Sergeant Brooks treated us all like low
life scum of the earth. Mike is the only one I really spend any time
talking to. Mark seems to be busy most of the time. One thing I failed to
realize at the time is that not all tests are the kind you can
measure. Like how fast you can run, how many pushups you can do, or how
well you do on a written test. Test of character is an example of one such
test. Little did I realize that my character was about to be tested.

Sergeant Brooks didn't waste any time busting our balls and getting us down
from the high we were on from the night before with Mark's victory. We
didn't see the company commander who Mark trashed the night before all day
at the mess hall. We did run, exercise, do our self-defense training, go to
classes, and went to the range and fired our weapons for the first time. By
the end of the day I was feeling good about myself. I really felt that I
could manage to make it through this hell. I went into the head to take a
royal dump and when I came out of the stall I saw recruit Jefferson coming
towards me. I tried to move to get out of his way but he moved too and
knocked me on my butt.

"Damn it, Tucker, watch where you're goin' next time. I don't like ya,
Tucker.Ya don't belong here. You're not from OUR school. I'm goin' to make
it my job to run your candy lily white ass outta here. I'm not the only one
that doesn't like ya. If ya know what's good for ya you'll drop outta
here. We don't need your type here."

With that he walked away from me and several other recruits in the bathroom
just laughed at me. I got up and left the bathroom feeling like I was about
to cry. I avoided Mike and Mark and went behind my rack and sat down on the
floor facing the wall.

Now what do I do? Do I tell Sergeant Brooks - or Mike? I can't do
that. Then I'll be a tattletale. Maybe I should just leave! I could call up
Danny and his dad can pick me up. Why does everyone hate me? I can't let
people get to me. I must be strong! If I let them get to me everyone else
wins and I lose. My dad wins. Jefferson wins and I'm the big loser. I have
to keep this to myself. I can't let it show. Oh god, I'm crying. I can't
let them see me cry!

I wiped my tears with my sleeve and got out my journal. I hadn't had time
to fill in my journal the day before so I did two days worth of writing. By
the time I got to what happened in the bathroom I'd calmed down. I found
writing it all down really helped me organize my thoughts. I decided that
no real harm was done and I thought about how Mark had handled the company
commander the day before. I remembered what Capt. Wright had said about
giving bullies a choice of leaving or going a couple of rounds with Mark
and that brought a smile to my face.

The rest of the week went by very slow and very fast at the same time. It
seemed to take forever as we went through the routine of the day and yet
before I knew it Friday had arrived. I didn't tell anyone about what
happened with recruit Jefferson and I mostly kept to myself. Mike was a
great help. He made sure he spent at least 15 minutes a day to just talk
with me. If Mike and I didn't already have a boy friend I'd go for it. I
know it wouldn't work because he's older than me and lives in another state
but I do really like him. I really feel good about the progress I've made
this week despite the threats I encountered. Not only am I in good shape,
but I feel I'm better able to defend myself. More importantly I've learned
how to save lives and learned many valuable things.

At 3:00 PM I once again received my paycheck and we were released for the
weekend. We had to change the little batteries on our ring or bracelet
before we left. Then we got on the train to take us home. I'd talked with
Danny several times during the week and we decided to spend the weekend
together with Mike and Mark at our apartment. Next weekend will be a three
day weekend with the 4th of July weekend so next week we're going to try to
organize a camping trip. The train ride seemed to take forever once
again. When we got off the train, Danny and his folks were waiting for us
right outside the door so there was no dramatic moment with Danny and me
running into each other. We did hug and I also hugged his parents.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith dropped all of us off at our apartment along with
Danny. We were too tired to go anywhere so we just ordered pizza. We all
took a shower and changed into shorts and T-shirts. The pizza arrived and
quickly disappeared as only the parents of teenage boys can understand. It
was more like inhaled. When we were about finished Mark spoke up.

"I'm very proud of you, Tommy. You showed what kind of mettle you're made
of this week. And I'm not talking about how many pushups you did or how
much you learned. I'm talking about what kind of person you are. We know
about what happened in the head (bathroom) between you and Jefferson on
Monday and have had our eye on you and him all week."

"How did you find out?"

"Sergeant Brooks told us. We haven't gotten into advanced surveillance, yet
but we will. You are being watched all the time - even now. It's important
not to worry about all that and just be yourself. Jefferson was just being
himself and in time will be dealt with. You didn't let it get you down. You
didn't try to fight back. You didn't tell on your fellow recruit. You did
all the right things. That's why I'm proud of you. When I was your age I'd
have probably had to bend his nose."

"When I was your age I'd of left and gone home to my mom and dad," stated
Mike.

"That's one of the reasons I stayed. I don't really have a mom and dad to
go to anymore."

"What happened?" asked Danny.

"Someone tried to bully me - it was nothing."

"That's not what Sergeant Brooks said. He told us today for the first time
that he felt you are going to make a good undercover cop. Up to this point
he felt that you might be able to complete the training but you would never
be able to handle the stress of undercover work. He changed his mind
because of the way you handled yourself this week. Consider this. How much
stress will you be under when you go back to your dad's High School and you
are outted in front of the whole school by him? Will you break or stand
strong and do your job? You'll have to turn the other cheek. Just take
it. Unless you want all the bigots of your world to win you need to be
strong, Tommy."

"I guess I really hadn't considered that. I've been so busy trying to make
it through the training I haven't really considered what will happen
afterwards. The last few weeks I've learned to close my mind to everything
else going on and just focus on what I'm doing right now. Right after that
happened I felt really sorry for myself but then I forced myself to write
in my journal. When I was finished with it I felt much better. The rest of
the week I kept busy and kind of stayed to myself. My dad taught me to
dislike different groups of people but now I'm in one of the groups my dad
hates. I feel he's probably wrong about most other people too."

"You'll find that there are both good and bad people in any group of
people, Tommy. It doesn't matter what race, religion, country, sexual
orientation, or background. What scares everyone is someone they don't
understand. If someone shows you hate and you show them love in return it
will scare them. When someone shows them hate they only know how to show
hate back. Mike has also had a few problems with some of the other recruits
- mainly name-calling. So far he's chosen to ignore it. Mike came here
mainly to be with me. Then it took on new meaning when we decided to help
you. When you go back to school this fall, Mike is going to be your main
partner. I'll be trying to infiltrate the group that is causing all the
trouble. You will both need to be able to handle name-calling without
letting it get to you. Not only could you lose your temper but your cover
too. Not all of the tests you will receive in training will be the normal
type of test. This week your character was tested, Tommy, and you
passed. However, keep in mind that the testing has not stopped just because
you're home. I think you'll find several recruits gone on Monday as a
result of their actions this weekend," explained Mark.

"I'm totally lost," stated a bewildered Danny.

"Let's go for a walk and I'll explain it all to you, Danny. Then you can
tell me about your week too."

We went out the door and walked around the jogging trail.

"I really missed you this week, Danny. We were told on Monday that we're
not to bully each other. We were also told not to tell on each other. On
Tuesday one of the recruits knocked me on the ground and threatened me. I
wasn't really scared but it really affected me. It's still bothering
me. After losing my home and being rejected by my parents the least little
rejection really gets to me. I was ready to call you and leave but I calmed
down. I wrote it all down in my journal and that really seemed to help
me. The rest of the week I just kept to myself. I feel like an outsider. I
really hope this week is better. It looks from what Mark said that
everything will work itself out. That's what we were talking about a few
minutes ago. It was really one big test and I passed."

"I know how you feel, Tommy. I'll be starting in a new school soon where
I'll be an outsider too. I was really worried until I met Rick and Bill. We
really had a good time this week. We roller-bladed, skateboarded, played
basketball, went swimming, and just talked. We got to know each other
well. I know that they love each other but it's different than you and
me. I think that Rick is gay and Bill is straight. Rick looks at Bill the
way we look at each other. Bill doesn't seem to notice. Bill is always
talking about some girl and Rick never brings up the subject of girls. The
subject of gays only came up once all week. We saw this guy with purple
hair and a bunch of earrings and Bill commented that he must be gay. I
asked him if that bothered him and he said just one less guy to compete
with when it came to finding girls. I made eye contact with Rick and he
just looked away from me and stared at the ground. He didn't say
anything. Bill's going away with his mom this weekend and I asked Rick if
he wanted to get together with us this weekend and hang out or
something. He really seemed to like the idea so perhaps we can get him to
open up."

"I'm really glad to hear you made some friends, Danny. I can't stand the
thought of you sitting home all week with nothing to do. I'd like very much
to spend some time with Rick this weekend. By the way, Bill's dad knows
about us."

"Omigod, he does, and he still don't mind us hanging out with his son?"

"Actually he was pretty cool about it. He just told me to keep it to
ourselves. He doesn't want us encouraging his son or showing signs of
affection when Rick and Bill are around us. If you're right he'll be glad
to hear that there is nothing going on between his son and Rick. He kind of
felt there was something going on between them. You never know. Bill could
just be putting up a front. My parents didn't know about us until Dad found
that letter. If they're a couple I'm happy for them. If they're just
friends I'm happy for them too. I'm just glad that they are keeping you
company, Danny."

"Rick's parents are planning on dropping him off here tomorrow morning. I
wanted to check with you first. I didn't think you would mind."

"No, that's fine. There are lots of things for us to do around here. I'm
sure we'll have fun. We still have tonight, tomorrow night, and Sunday to
spend together."

"Dad's working Saturday again and Mom started her job this week and said
she's tired. I think that they'll be happy to have some time alone this
weekend. Next weekend we all have a three-day weekend and they really want
to take us camping. They said that Mike, Mark, or Bill and Rick can come if
they want."

"Mike and Mark said that they wanted to go camping too.  I asked them after
you said something on the phone about it last time we talked about it.
Let's head back to the apartment, Danny. I've been on my feet all week and
I'm tired."

We went back in the apartment and found that Mike and Mark had already gone
to bed. We watched a movie and cuddled in each other's arms. I think I can
endure just about anything as long as I get to see Danny. We ended up
falling asleep on the couch. I woke up about 2 AM and woke up Danny too. I
turned off the TV and we went to bed.

I guess I needed some extra sleep because we didn't get up until 9 AM the
next morning. Mark and Mike were gone and left a note saying that they had
gone to the store for some food. We took a shower together and looked like
prunes by the time we got out. Mark and Mike were also home by the time we
got dressed. I helped Mike and Mark make some lunch. Danny called Rick and
invited him over. As soon as we finished lunch, Rick showed up. Mike and
Mark decided that they were going to watch a movie so Rick, Danny, and I
went to play some tennis at the court on the grounds of the apartment
complex. Danny and I played double against Rick. He's very good. He beat us
two out of three sets.

Let me tell you about Rick. He's fairly tall for a 14-year-old. Almost 5'
10" tall with black hair and blue eyes. He weighs about 140 pounds but
doesn't look at all fat. He's 14 like Danny and me. After playing tennis we
got thirsty and decided to go back to the apartment. We didn't knock first
like we probably should have. We just came running in the front door. Danny
and I kept going into the kitchen to get something to drink, but Rick
stopped in mid stride. Mike and Mark had fallen asleep wrapped in each
other's arms. The look on Rick's face was priceless. His mouth hung open
and his eyes bulged right out of his eye sockets. Danny came back into the
living room and raised a finger to his lips. Then he led Rick to the
kitchen and I got him something to drink. Neither Mike nor Mark had woken
up so we made our way with our drinks back outside.

"Omigod, I don't believe I just saw that," exclaimed Rick. "I can't believe
that Mark is like...gay. Mike I can understand but Mark is such a jock."

"What makes you think they're gay, Rick? They just fell asleep while
sitting together and ended up in each other's arms. I assure you it's all
innocent," I replied, trying to sound sincere.

"I'm not stupid, Tommy. Bill and I are close too but we never fell asleep
in each other's arms."

"Would it bother you if they were?"

"I guess I really haven't thought about it. I know sometime guys my age
play around and stuff but that's different than being gay."

If what Danny told me last night is true, then Rick seems to be in
denial. It's probably better if I tell him as little as possible and get
him to answer his own questions. Good thing I learned some integration
techniques this week.

"Have you ever played around with another guy, Rick?"

"NO."

"Not even with Bill?"

"NO."

"Have you ever thought about it? Have you ever looked at a guy and thought
he was cute?"

"Yea, I've had thoughts like that. I told my dad about it and he said
that's normal at my age and doesn't mean I'm gay."

"What about girls, Rick? Do you look at them and get excited?"

Rick remained silent and just stared at the ground. Finally he opened
up. "Now that you mention it, Bill is always pointing out this girl or that
girl, saying how cute they look and I just don't seem to see the same thing
he does. I know I'm supposed to be attracted to girls but I guess that just
hasn't hit me yet."

"Have you ever been in love, Rick?"

"I'm not sure I know what you mean?"

"For example, Bill is out of town. Do you find yourself missing him or are
you just as comfortable just hanging out with us?"

"I do miss him. I seem to be thinking about him more and more lately."

"Rick, I hardly know you. Danny has gotten to know you quite well, he tells
me. I have to tell you that your honesty is refreshing. I'd be proud to
have you as a best friend. I think you need to be honest with yourself
too. What if you never find girls attractive?"

"Then I guess that would make me gay too."

"No, that would make you Rick. You are what you are and you can't change
that. You also can't try to be someone you're not. I mean you can try but
the only one you're going to fool is yourself. Like I said, I like you
already because of your honesty. Who you find attractive doesn't change the
type of person you are. So I ask you again, now that you've thought about
it. Would it bother you if Mark and Mike are gay?"

"Seeing as how for all I know I might be gay myself I guess it wouldn't
bother me. I like them already. Are they gay?"

"You'll have to ask them that yourself, I can't speak for them. Any other
questions?"

"Actually I have lots of questions. Like how did you get in the
police-training program for the city of Chicago when you don't even live in
Chicago? How did you hook up with Mark and Mike? Where do you go from here?
Just how close are you and Danny? I was honest with you."

"I'm working on an undercover case for the State Police. That case is not
happening in Chicago. Someone close to me is also involved in the case and
that's why they chose me. Mark and Mike will also be involved in the
case. From here I go back home. Danny and I have been best friends ever
since I can remember. That's as much as I can tell you at this time. I can
tell you that I'm really happy that you have made friends with Danny."

"It's not just me - Bill likes to hang out with him too. He's told us both
all about you this week and some of the stories from when you were kids. I
really hope you can move up here after you finish whatever it is you have
to do. It is almost 5:00 and my dad should be by to pick me up in a few
minutes. Let's go say goodbye to Mike and Mark before I leave. Don't tell
them what I saw. I don't want to embarrass them - okay?"

"Sure, Rick - we won't say anything to them."

We went in the apartment so Rick could say goodbye to Mike and Mark. We
knocked on the door before entering this time. Rick didn't let on at all
about his earlier revelation. Shortly after that, Rick's dad picked him
up. Mark and Mike had picked up some porterhouse steaks for dinner and some
charcoal. There's a grill built into the back porch. Mark got the fire
ready while we worked together fixing baked potatoes, corn on the cob, and
salad. Mike told us what to do, seeing as neither one of us could
cook. Mark then cooked our steaks and when everything was finished I felt
we did a real good job for a bunch of teenagers.

We didn't tell Mike or Mark about our talk with Rick. We did talk about
when each of us first realized that we were gay. Danny's and my experience
seems to be unique. We never felt different or unnatural. At least until my
parents found out. Danny and I realized that we were gay and in Love at
about the same time. I think Rick never really did think about it. Perhaps
he didn't want to think about it. Perhaps Bill is gay too and just
pretending to be straight. I'm just glad that Danny has some friends now. I
have some friends now too. I hope everything works itself out. I can't
stand the thought of losing Danny again.


To Be Continued...