Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2002 21:00:44 -0400
From: Bill Porter <wep363@ameritech.net>
Subject: Tossed Away Kid Chapter 20

Tossed Away Kid - Chapter 20

This is a work of fiction.  Any similarity to anyone in real life is a
coincidence. 

A special thanks to Ed for his editorial help.
Please let me know what you think - wep363@ameritech.net
My Web Site http://wpstories.tripod.com/

********

This is a story of love, hope, and trust.  It also deals with rejection,
false hope, and mistrust.  It is not a sex story. However, this story deals
with love between two male teenagers. If you are offended by stories
involving love between two teenage boys, please do not read this story.
There may be some sex scenes in this story; however, sex is not the main
theme and will not be graphically described.  If you are under age 18 or 21
or it is illegal to read this story where you live, don't get caught
reading it. Reproducing this story for distribution without the owner's
permission is a violation of that copyright.

*   *   *   *   *

Although I was really sad after leaving Danny it didn't take long for Mike
and Mark to distract me.  While Mike and Mark were home a friend of Mike's
cousin moved in from Texas.  They went on to tell me the story of how he
came to be with them.  He'd done some cruel things but I could relate with
the reasons he acted the way he did.  His parents were much like mine and
he only recently started acting like a good guy.

Mike said that he was thrown out just like me by his parents and even had
some people threaten to kill him.  He only has one year of school left
before college and Mike's family is trying to help him get there in one
piece.

Mark explained that they had been in contact with Detective Samuels for the
past two weeks.  He'd given them information on their (new) identities and
they had been memorizing all that information.  You see, my part is simple;
I can be myself.  But because both Mike and Mark's names have been on the
news, Detective Samuels has had to come up with a cover story.

Both Mike and Mark will keep their first names but their last names have
been changed and so has where they came from.  Because Mike is going to be
claming to be in foster care like me his cover story is that both his
parents were killed in a car crash.  Because he's in the Illinois system he
had to have a previous residence in Illinois so they chose Lombard because
Mike was somewhat familiar with that area.  Detective Samuels has checked
and no one is enrolled in the high school from anywhere near that area.  He
has also made sure that if someone checked out his records that there's a
copy in the Lombard school and the principal there has been briefed.

Mark's false background is even more complicated.  The story on him is he's
moving to Springfield with his parents from a small town in Ohio.  Instead
of pretending to be a made-up person Mark is going to pretend to be someone
else.  Another guy Mark's age who was a big sports star in his town moved
at the end of his junior year.  He got in minor trouble for beating up some
old guy (like 35) because he claimed the guy hit on him.  In Ohio it's
against the law for a guy to hit on another guy but assault is also against
the law so he didn't get in too much trouble.  His parents decided to move
someplace else and Detective Samuels felt it was almost a perfect cover for
Mark.  Apparently the guy's as tall as Mark but he weighed less.

Mark told me that Detective Samuels explained to them that it was likely
that my dad would have his police chief friend do a background check on
Mark before he even considered having him join his little gang.  He said
that he had to really study hard on the facts in case my dad asks him
something he already knew the answer to.

We talked about a bunch of other stuff and before we knew it we were
pulling into the State Police headquarters in Springfield.  Mark called
Detective Samuels on his cell phone and he met us in the lobby.

"Great to see you guys in one piece.  Did you have a good time the last two
weeks, Tommy?"

"I sure did but it wasn't long enough."

"Well, hopefully you won't be here more than a few weeks.  There has been a
slight change in plans.  We weren't able to find houses that fit our needs
so what we have done is to set you guys up in an apartment complex.  We've
leased and furnished two, two-bedroom apartments in the same complex.  Mark
will be driving to school and Tommy and Mike will be riding the bus.  The
apartments are both located on the third floor in the same building.  I
don't need to stress the importance of the three of you not being seen
together.  That starts right now.  One of my officers is going to take Mark
to his apartment.  You might as well take Mike's stuff with you.  I'll take
Tommy and Mike in my car so you should get your stuff out of Mark's truck,
Tommy."

I got my stuff and we left shortly after Mark.  Detective Samuels stopped
at a restaurant on the way and told me about the same thing Mike and Mark
did about the undercover stories.  He explained that if we were seen
together it would ruin everything.  He said that he checked and no one else
from our school lived in the same apartment complex we lived in but we
still had to be careful or else thousands of dollars and his whole
investigation would go to waste.

He went on to say that Mark was starting football practice on Monday and
that we would start school a week from Monday.  In the meantime he wants to
bring both Mike and me to the state police headquarters every day next
week.  He explained that I'll be doing extreme driving training and will
have a license by the end of the week if I do well.  He also explained that
he has some other activities to keep us busy.  Sounds like it's going to be
an interesting week.

After we finished eating we went to the apartment complex.  I'd seen the
complex before.  It's only a mile or so from my and Danny's old homes and a
few blocks from the park where Mr. Kelly found me a few months ago.  We had
to use a key to get through the outer door.  The entrances were on the
inside with four apartments on each floor.  Between Detective Samuels,
Mike, and me, we got all my stuff up in the apartment in one trip.  The
apartments were nicely furnished with a home entertainment system and the
refrigerator already stocked.

We then went over to Mike and Mark's apartment and it had the same
furnishings and layout as mine.  Detective Samuels gave us another pep talk
about not being seen together.  He wished Mark good luck at football
practice.  Then he told me he'd pick me up at 7:00 AM to take me to police
headquarters in the morning.  He said Mike had Monday off.  Soon after that
he left and I went back to my apartment to unpack.

After unpacking I decided to go for a walk.  I went to the same bus stop
bench I sat on what was actually several months ago in real time but it
seems like just a few days.  I considered how much I've changed.  I was a
scared boy and now I'm a well-trained law enforcement officer.  I got up
and wandered aimlessly through my old stomping grounds.  Just as it was
getting dark I found myself in front of my parents' house.

Danny's house still had a for-sale sign in the front yard.  I can't tell
you how I felt at that moment.  There is just no way to describe it.  I
really do love my parents even if they hate me.  I wanted to knock on their
door and hug them and tell them how sorry I am that I'm not the son they
want me to be.  I tried so hard for so many years to make my parents proud
of me.  The events of my last night at this house came crashing down on me.
The anger, the rejection hurt much more than the physical pain - my eye
healed up long ago but the pain in my heart is still very real.

I went into my old backyard and sat down against the house near the open
kitchen window and started crying as I never cried before.  All the
feelings of the last night kept me going in an uncontrolled sob.  As much
as I've grown this summer there are some things you never grow too old to
cry about.  I wasn't crying out of self-pity but out of loss.  As far as my
parents were concerned I was dead and yet I still love them so much.  My
uncontrolled sobs didn't go unnoticed as the back door opened and the light
came on.

"Oh, My God; Tommy, come here," exclaimed my mom with outstretched arms.

I wrapped my mom in a bear hug and cried even harder.  Not out of loss but
from getting what I so desperately needed.

"I love you, Mom - I love you so much - I've missed you so much."

"I love you too, Tommy, I guess just not the way you've needed me to all
these years.  I've done some thinking this summer and we need to talk -
just not now.  I know I said some horrible things to you but I'm truly
sorry.  Should your father come out here there could be more violence.  You
know there is a restraining order that he's not to come near you.  Tomorrow
morning at 9 AM when your father is at football practice, could you come
and talk to me?"

"Sniff."  I finally tried to control my bawling so I could speak with some
control.  "I'd like that but there are two things I must ask.  First, I
don't want to talk here.  Let's go to a coffee shop or something.  Second,
I think I should have my caseworker with me."

"When did you grow up and get so smart?  I was going to suggest the same
thing.  Now I need to get back before your father misses me, so off with
you, and I do love you, Tommy."  She hugged me one last time, kissed me on
the forehead, turned me around and slapped me on the butt, sending me on my
way.

"I love you too, Mom, see you tomorrow."

Even though it was late, as soon as I got back to the street I got out my
cell phone and called Fred Kelly.  He was very surprised to hear from me.
When I told him of the encounter with my mom he was even more surprised.
He told me he'd love to meet with me tomorrow morning to go see my mom.  I
explained to him that Detective Samuels was picking me up at 7 to go to the
state police headquarters.  He then explained to me that he already knew
that and had already put time in the schedule to see me tomorrow morning.
This surprised me.  He told me to bring my journal along, that he'd like to
read it if it's okay with me.  I told him that's fine and I'd see him in
the morning.

I decided not to call Detective Samuels, as he already knew Fred Kelly was
coming in the morning.  In no time I was home.  After taking a shower I
crawled into bed and thought of Danny.  After a little bit of physical
activity I fell into a deep sleep.  It was a dreamless night, which is rare
for me.  With all the stress of moving and separation from Danny and seeing
my mom again, my mind must have completely closed down.  I woke up with the
alarm blaring at 6 AM.  I took another quick shower, got dressed, ate a few
Pop Tarts along with some milk, and out the door I went.  Detective Samuels
picked me up right on time.

On the way into police headquarters I explained my encounter with my
mother.  He seemed very pleased with my progress with her and complimented
me on involving Mr. Kelly.  He then explained he already planned to have me
talk with Mr. Kelly today.  He went on to say that Mr. Kelly has some
concerns as to what my present mental well-being is.  He was concerned that
someone my age going through as much as I had during the summer could end
up with some severe emotional problems.

I never really considered my emotional well-being.  All summer long I'd
kind of gone with the flow and not worried about what the effects of all
the events of my life were doing to me.  With my emotional breakdown last
night I guess some of that stress boiled over.  Perhaps seeing my mother
again could be very positive to my present emotional well-being.

As soon as we got inside the police station Detective Samuels took me up to
his office.  He told his secretary on the way to send the other members of
the team in.  Within a few minutes four men appeared at the doorway.

"Come in and shut the door, guys.  First let me introduce you to Tommy
Tucker.  As you know he's the inside man along with Mike and Mark.  Tommy,
this is George Sanchez and he's inside working as a janitor."  The guy
kinda reminded me of a janitor.  "This is Geoff Simons and he's our
surveillance man.  Then we have Mike Barber and Keith Rector as your main
backups.  All four of these men are assigned totally to this case.  At
least one of these four men will be within 100 yards of you at any given
time."

"Should either George or Geoff feel you are in any danger, Mike and Keith
can be on the scene within a minute, loaded for bear.  If we are aware,
which we feel we will be, of when you might be attacked we will also have a
SWAT team backing you up.  Neither one of you will be attending gym class
so you'll be wearing a wire.  Geoff will monitor both you and Mike
constantly.  We'll not be able to put Mark on a wire because of his
football practice.  We'll be going over the details of the operation with
you throughout the week.  You will also have a chance to get to know each
of these men.  Your life is dependent on their quick response and I can
tell you your life is in good hands."

Detective Samuels then asked the men to leave.  "Tommy, when you meet with
your mother and Mr. Kelly in a few minutes, I want you to let him do most
of the talking.  It's not that I don't trust you to say the right thing but
more that Mr. Kelly deals with complex emotions every day.  Also we don't
want anything to get in the way of our investigation at this point."

"My feeling is that this will be a win-win situation in the long run.  You
need to understand something about my mom.  She is old.  In fact all her
hair is gray.  She is a grandmother and very much looks the part.  I can
never remember her disagreeing with my father.  Dad dominates her.  I've
never been very close to her.  She has never tried to become a part of my
life.  I've always gotten the feeling that she resents me for being born in
the first place.  I think she would have gotten an abortion if she wasn't
so dead set against it."

"Well, I want you to be careful, Tommy.  I don't want to see you hurt any
worse than you have been already."

"I will be."  I said.  With that said Detective Samuels told me to wait for
Mr. Kelly in the lobby.  I wasn't there 5 minutes before he walked in the
door.

"Tommy, great to see you again - you must have grown 5 inches this summer!"

"Three perhaps but I've grown in many other ways."

"I saw the news report about the train shooting a few weeks ago.  Has that
bothered you?"

"I'm just glad that no one was killed.  If Mike or Mark had gotten hurt or
killed and I could have done something but didn't, that would have bothered
me more than the fact that I had to shoot someone threatening our lives."

"We don't have much time for talking right at the moment.  We better get to
the office.  We can talk on the way."

We got in his little car.  It still cracks me up - big man, little car.

"Tommy, I have some concerns about your mental well-being.  Many adults
would have had a breakdown enduring the changes you have gone through this
summer.  How do you feel?"

"I actually feel better after last night.  Like I told you last night, when
confronted with seeing my old house I did break down.  To tell you the
truth it helped.  I think that letting my emotions come to the surface is
exactly what needed to happen.  The pain is still there but I think I'm
ready to deal with it.  All summer I've hid the pain by keeping myself
busy."

"I'd like to know about your summer, Tommy.  That's why I asked if it was
okay to read your journal and why I asked you to keep one in the first
place."

"I have it in my bag, Mr. Kelly, and I trust you to read it."

"After I read it I'll want to have a talk about your feelings.  I think
it's great that you can work as a police officer; however, your welfare is
more important to me.  When we meet with your mother let me conduct the
interview.  I know how to handle these kinds of situations.  Don't be
afraid to speak up but try to be positive in your responses.  I called your
mom this morning and she is meeting us in my office in just a few minutes.
If she has to wait on us that's okay too."

We pulled into the office building and sure enough Mom was waiting in the
outer office.  Mr. Kelly greeted her and led her into his office.

"I'm kind of surprised that the state director of child welfare is my son's
caseworker, Mr. Kelly."

"I shouldn't have to tell you, Mrs. Tucker, that Tommy is special.  It has
truly been a pleasure to get to know such a fine young man.  Along the way
you must have done something right!"

"Actually it is more a reflection of Tommy's character that he has turned
out the way he has because I can take no credit for it.  That is what I
came here to discuss."

"This is the second time since I got married that I've done something
without my husband's knowledge.  Both times involved Tommy.  I've never
told anyone this before but I have a hard time relating to boys.  Growing
up I had no brother - just sisters.  Being the youngest I really had no one
to look after and was always looked after by my older sisters."

"I was also raised in a time when there was only right and wrong.  There
were no gray areas.  My parents were very strict and I wasn't even allowed
to date in high school.  I met your dad in college and it was love at first
sight.  The fire left our relationship many years ago but I would be lost
without him.  Your brothers were born and I was truly disappointed as I
really wanted - no - needed, a girl.  I just can't relate to boys."

"When your brothers were teenagers I did something without your dad's
knowledge for the first time.  I quit taking my birth control pills.  When
I became pregnant your father had a fit.  I was selfish and wanted a little
daughter so much.  I told your father why I quit taking the birth control
pills and he was even more upset.  When you were born and weren't a girl I
was very disappointed.  Things between your father and me got even worse.
We both blamed you for the problems in our marriage.  Your father said he'd
never trust me again.  He got a vasectomy so there would be no more
accidents."

"My husband and I have never really recovered.  Now our relationship is
nothing but convenience.  With the revelation of the relationship between
Tommy and Danny I just didn't know what to think.  I was raised to believe
that it's wrong.  It just was reinforced with my husband that I should have
never done what I did in the first place and he has made my life miserable
all summer."

"I wanted - no, I needed, to understand why a good boy like Tommy could be
drawn into something as evil as homosexuality.  So I've spent a large part
of my summer doing research.  I've discovered that as far as boys Tommy's
age go, experimenting is common and that it's perfectly normal.  I also
found that falling in love with a best friend is common too.  Some studies
even suggest that such a relationship can even help in the development of
normal heterosexuals."

"I also looked at the religious issues.  The research in this area is very
confusing.  I've come to the conclusion that where there is love there must
also be God.  Where there is lust is only Satan.  To make a long story
short you could say I've come to accept Tommy for Tommy and not what others
including his father think about him.  I'm not going to get into what his
father thinks about him.  My question is what's to be done with him?"

"I can't answer that at this point, Mrs. Tucker.  I can tell you where he's
been and that his destiny is very much in his own hands.  I found Tommy on
a bus stop about an hour after he left home.  I then sent him to a highbred
group home unlike any in the country, in Chicago.  There he excelled,
showing maturity that others two and three years older didn't show.  He
established himself as a leader and made good decisions.  Then he went into
a temporary foster home and he is in a temporary foster home here in town.
He just arrived yesterday."

"Where is he going to high school, Mr. Kelly?"

"Actually he'll be attending you husband's high school, Mrs. Tucker."

"That's not a good idea.  I'm willing to pay for him to go to a private
school.  I can't see anything positive coming out of him being anywhere
near his father!" she said with way too much anger.

"Tommy has chosen to go to his dad's high school, Mrs. Tucker.  He feels
that it's the only way to bring closure to the situation with his father
and I agree with his decision."

"I'm afraid that Tommy's dad's idea of closure could be different from what
Tommy expects.  I feel it could even be dangerous."

"I don't follow you, Mrs. Tucker - you are being vague.  Your husband is
responsible for the safety and welfare of all the students, including
Tommy.  If you have something to tell me, then tell me - However, if you
tell me anything that could indicate that someone is in danger, then I must
report it.  You have implied vaguely that Tommy might be in danger.  I can
tell you that if I felt Tommy was in danger that I wouldn't allow him to
attend your husband's school.  Tommy has progressed to the point that with
some help he can and will take care of himself."

"How can you say that, Mr. Kelly - he's only a boy?"

"In some ways he is - but in others he's very much taking responsibility
for his life.  He has effectively been making adult decisions all summer.
He has shown courage and valor well beyond his years.  Some government
officials who would surprise you, have recognized him.  You can be very
proud of your son.  I would like nothing better than to see you reconcile
your differences and from what you have told me you are well on your way.
However, you have also indicated that your husband is going to be a
problem.  We are aware of problems associated with Tommy going to his
father's school.  Again if you have something else to add for your own
peace of mind, please tell me.  Imagine how you will feel if something
happens to Tommy that you could have prevented."

"That is why I offered to pay to send him to a private school.  Let's just
say I have a bad feeling about the whole thing and leave it at that."

"I think it's time we found out what is going through Tommy's mind right
now.  Tommy, how does it make you feel finding out for the first time that
your mom really wanted a little girl instead of you?"

"To tell you the truth it helps me understand the rejection I received from
both of you growing up.  All I ever wanted was your affection.  You gave me
everything else I needed.  However, I wasn't neglected in the affection
area, thanks to the Smiths.  If I am a good person as Mr. Kelly has
indicated, then they must receive the credit."

"The time is quickly coming, Mom, for you to make a choice!  And it's not
going to be a choice between sharing your life between me and my brothers
and Dad.  It's going to be a choice between sharing your life with us or
being lonely."

"Mr. Kelly - WHERE IS MY SON? - WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM?" Mom said with
a big smile on her face.  I could also see pride in her eyes.

"Your son has grown up - and you've missed it.  He's not your little boy
anymore.  You really do need to get to know him.  Speaking of which, I feel
that you both need some counseling - I'm volunteering my services to you.
I would like to find time to talk to each of you both individually and
together whenever possible.  Would you be willing to agree to that,
Mrs. Tucker?  I'm not leaving Tommy any choice!"

"Thank you so much for your gracious offers, Mr. Kelly.  I do have some
issues with my relationships that need to be - well - sorted out.  Some of
which I wouldn't feel comfortable talking about with Tommy here.  I also
feel comfortable talking with you.  I do need to be getting home.  My
husband will be expecting his lunch.  I have this week off from work and I
will call you to try to find a time when we can get together again."

Mom stood up and motioned for me to hug her.  I hugged her and told her
again that I loved her.  She told me she loved me too.  After releasing her
I gave her my cell phone number and told her to call me just to talk any
time she wants.  She suggested that I could call her at work anytime next
week and that it was best if I didn't just show up in the back yard again.

After she left, Mr. Kelly just looked at me for a while, saying nothing.
Then he took his pipe out and lit it up even though there was a big NO
SMOKING sign above his desk.  Once again the minutes became days and the
seconds became hours.  But I know what he's doing - he's trying to get me
to do the talking.  We've been through this before.

"Isn't this where you ask me how I feel or something like that?!" I finally
inquired.

"You have the floor, Tommy - why don't you ask the questions?"  he said
while puffing away.

"Why are you puffing that thing when you know I could write you up on a
violation of state code #218763?"

"Very good, Tommy, now we're getting someplace.  You have learned a lot.
Does it bother you that I'm smoking?"

"Yes, because it's harmful to both you and me."

"Have you always corrected adults or is this something you have picked up
recently?  You really gave your mother both barrels!"

"What do you mean?"

"About making choices, Tommy.  I make a choice to light up this pipe.  Your
mother made a choice to marry your father.  To love and support him until
death they should part.  Don't put yourself in the position of being a
wedge between your parents, Tommy.  It's not worth it.  In the long run it
will only inspire resentment."

"As a law enforcer officer you're in no position to judge people.  You
simply need to enforce the laws of this state.  I'm not saying what you
said to your mother was wrong but rather sometimes saying nothing can be
more powerful.  Pick and choose your battles.  Don't you think your words
would have been more powerful with your dad sitting in jail charged with
first degree murder?"

"Furthermore you know how it gets to you when I sit here and say nothing."

With that he dumped out his pipe and reloaded it.  Then he lit it again and
started puffing away again, giving me the silent treatment.  And the
minutes became hours...

"I'm sorry I said what I said - or at least the way I said it.  But I think
she needs to understand how I feel."

"First of all, Tommy, don't apologize to me -apologize to her.  Second,"
long pause and a few puffs - "I think she has already made her choice by
coming here today!"

I hadn't even considered that.  And he did tell me to be positive.  Here
she is trying to make up to me and I put unneeded pressure on her.  Gravity
took hold of me and I started sinking in the overstuffed chair in
Mr. Kelly's office.

"Don't beat yourself up too much, Mr. 14-going-on-34.  If my mom allowed me
to be thrown out of the house when I was 14 I wouldn't even talk to her.
I've spent years learning to listen to people and sometimes not to listen.
For example if you tried to write a citation for my smoking you wouldn't
get very far.  I know my limits.  Think very carefully the next time you
try to correct an adult, Tommy.  You can catch more flies with honey than
vinegar!  Luckily your mom took it well.  I thought her little joke was
funny."

More silence and more puffs.  "Besides your outburst how do you feel it
went, Tommy?"

"I think she is really trying to understand me - with all the research that
she has done.  It tells me she really does love me - in her own way.  It's
not what she said that intrigued me but what she didn't say."

"Very good, Tommy.  I guess you did learn something about listening this
summer.  It will be interesting to see what she has to say when you're not
around.  I can pretty well guess what it is all about.  She knows all about
your father's involvement in problems at school.  It was a good sign when
she offered to send you to a private school.  I don't think she is disloyal
enough to your father to spill but at least she did warn us.  That's it for
today, Tommy.  Give me some time to review your journal and we'll sit down
again later this week before you go back to school."

He then took me back to the police station, stopping for lunch on the way.
He asked me a bunch of questions.  How is my apartment?  How do I feel
about coming back to Springfield?  How do I feel about leaving Danny?  How
do I feel about being an undercover police officer?  Almost every question
starts with "how do you feel."  Perhaps I should become a social worker.
All you need to do is be nice to people.  Don't say anything until they
start to speak, and ask lots of "how do you feel!"

Detective Samuels kept me busy all afternoon working with the other members
of the team.  We were doing background checks of the parents of different
members of the football team.  I'm going to know personal information about
each of them before I even start my first day.  I think this might be
valuable information.  We also did some range shooting and driving.  I
can't wait to get my driver's license.  Detective Samuels told me to tell
Mike to come with me tomorrow.  Then he took me home.

As soon as I got up to the third floor I knocked on Mark's door.  They were
happy to see me as I hadn't seen either of them since yesterday.  They were
surprised and excited when I told them about my mother.  I told them about
my outburst with my mom and Mark told me he'd arrange for me to come and
stay with them for a week with his mom, saying how she wouldn't put up with
my assertive BS for one minute.  Finally I had to ask, "So what did you
think of my dad, Mark?"

"To tell you the truth, Tommy, I think he trained under Bobby Knight!  We
had two three-hour practices today and he pushed us so hard two guys
dropped out.  He's tough!  We did the entire skill test in the second
practice and by the time we finished I thought he was going to cream his
shorts with my results.  He said I could start at every position on his
team.  I'm the strongest, fastest, and most skilled player he's ever seen.
When I passed the ball he commented that I had Marino's speed of release
and with Elway's arm strength.  He's convinced that I'm going to take him
to the state championship after two practices."

"Detective Samuels wants you to come with me tomorrow, Mike."

"He told me that he would need me sometime this week - it will give me
something to do."

I went on to tell them what I'd been up to all day.  I told the guys about
my insights about being a social worker and Mike said that he also knows
someone who is a social worker and that 95% of her time is spent filling
out paperwork.  It must be true that every silver lining has some clouds.

Now I could spend pages and pages telling you about everything that
happened that week, but I know you would rather just have me sum it up, and
get to the good stuff about my first week in high school!  I met with
Mr. Kelly three more times, and twice with my mother.  She wasn't at all
put out about my little outburst and said I had every right to express
myself.  Communication between us is better than it ever has been.
Mr. Kelly also feels that I've adjusted to my situation without any adverse
effects.

Detective Samuels kept me busy all week and I did earn a driver's license
by the end of the week.  He also told everyone at the station to gay bash
us whenever they saw us so we would become desensitized to hearing people
calling us names and not reacting to it.

Mark got the job of starting quarterback on offense, defensive end, punter,
and place-kicker.  Mike and I have our stories down.  We both have the same
fictional foster parents so that part is easy - well, not that easy.  We
have to know their life history too.  Even though they don't exist.
Detective Samuels has instructed us to act openly gay and in love with each
other.  We had to laugh when he tried to explain just how gay guys acted.
Actually it's pretty easy.  I mean Mike is cute and I just pretend he's
Danny.  I sure wouldn't want to get Mark mad at me for making a move on
Mike but, tell you the truth, he's too old for me.  NOT.

Monday morning when I got up I felt like puking.  I'm starting high school
with three strikes against me.  First, I'm the principal's kid.  Second,
I'm gay and have been thrown out of my parents' house.  Third, I'm supposed
to act openly gay and parade myself around with Mike until a bunch of jocks
try to kill us.  I'm not looking forward to this at all.

I got up and took a shower.  Put my wire on.  Strapped my weapon to my
ankle.  Got dressed in stylish clothes.  Ate some Pop Tarts and drank some
milk.  I was on total autopilot.  I knocked on Mike and Mark's door and
Mike answered, all smiles.

"Why are you so happy this morning, Mike?"

"The sooner we get to school and get this over with the sooner I can go
back to my life with Mark and the sooner you can get back to Danny."

I hadn't really thought about it that way before.  But he was right.  The
sooner we get this over the sooner we could all get on with our lives.

"I'm sorry, Mike, for putting you through all this."

"No need to be sorry, Tommy.  I've come to think of you as a little brother
even if you are now taller than me.  Both Mark and I are happy to help you
- anything to save another life.  You know, Tommy, there is no greater love
than to lay down your life for your brother."

"I love you guys too."

Mark had already left so Mike and I made our way down to the bus stop.  Two
undercover cops posing as our foster parents had registered us several days
ago.  They made sure that we both had the same classes.  I'm sure by now
that my father has checked for my name.  There was only one person at the
bus stop who looked familiar.  There are two different middle schools that
graduate to the high school.  So only half of the freshman class is from my
old school.  I really had no close friends at my old school but lots of
people know who I am.  Soon they are going to know what I am too.

No one talked to us and we kept to ourselves.  The bus arrived and we took
a seat near the front.  I got the feeling that things were going to be okay
when someone recognized me.

"Hey, Tucker, what are you doing on this bus?  You don't live around here."

I looked back and saw Sam Goodman who is basically a loud-mouthed smart
alec.  "I moved over the summer, Sam."  And I turned around and ignored
him.  I started to feel sick again.  Mike said to me I did fine and don't
worry about it.

My day had started bad and I couldn't shake the feeling that things could
only get worse.  Soon we were at school and we went right to the auditorium
to pick up our schedules.  This took about 45 minutes.  Because Mike's last
name was in a different grouping from mine we were separated.  When I
finally got my schedule I managed to hook back up with Mike.  We both
compared schedules and found that we didn't have a single class together,
including lunch.

"What the fuck?"

"Calm down, Tommy.  I'm sure that it's just a mistake.  Let's go down to
the office and see if we can straighten things out."

We went down to the office and found ourselves in another line.  After a
short wait we were greeted rudely by a lady who looked like a good
candidate for a Salem witch trial.

"I'm sorry to bother you but we were supposed to have the same classes."

"We don't make schedules based on the student or their parents' needs.
You'll just have to live with it.  If you want to come back another day and
discuss it with the principal you can make an appointment."  Because we
were late for our first class she scratched out a couple of passes and she
went right to the next students in line.

"I don't like this, Mike.  This in NOT what is supposed to happen!"

"We're screwed if we do and screwed if we don't, Tommy.  Your father is not
going to do us any favors and if we push too hard he's going to know
something is up.  There has to be a way to use this to our advantage.  It
seems to me that they are trying to divide and conquer.  Let's do this -
I'll out myself today and that might take some heat off of you.  At least
that way you won't be the only target.  We won't be able to cover each
other's backs but we both have backup."

"I don't like that idea, Mike.  There is no need to risk it at this point.
Let's just get through today and then discuss our options with Detective
Samuels tonight before we make any rash decisions."

"That's good thinking, Tommy, and you're right.  We better get to class
before your father finds us hanging out talking.  I'll see you later.  I'll
keep my ears open today and see if I can find out anything."

We said good-bye and headed for our separate classes.  I have a really bad
feeling.  I opened the door and walked into the classroom.

"And you are?" said the teacher.

"Tommy Tucker, sir."

"Do you have a pass?"

"Yes sir - here it is."

"Good thing you have a pass.  It would be a shame if the Principal's kid
got detention on his first day in high school.  I'm sure he'd make an
example out of you.  Now take a seat, Mr. Tucker, and don't be late again
if you know what's good for you."

There was a chorus of snickers in the classroom and the teacher told
everyone to settle down.  This is just fuckin' great.  Now the whole class
knows I'm the Principal's kid.  I don't see how this day can get any worse
but I just know it will!

By my third class of the day I started to feel like people were looking at
me.  All of a sudden I felt self-conscious and that only made the feeling
grow.  When I was in the hall between third and fourth-period, Cindy Kelly
came up to me.

"Hi, Tommy, long time on see."

"Hi, Cindy, nice to see you again."

"Tommy, you should know that there is a rumor going around that your dad
kicked you out of the house because you're gay.  I just thought I'd give
you a heads up.  Just between us, were you and Danny an item?"

"Yes, Danny and I ARE an item.  But that is just between us."

"Then you are still together.  I think that's great, Tommy.  You two are
both great guys and I hope you can get to be back with him soon."

"Look, Cindy, this news is not unexpected as my dad hates me.  I appreciate
you telling me.  I've already feeling the eyes of people looking at me.
It's nothing I can't handle."

"Well, if you need anyone to talk to, Tommy, I'm here for you.  And I won't
blow smoke in your face like my dad."

"I don't mind the smoke, your dad probably saved my life.  Besides, I'm
getting used to his pipe.  I better get to class, when is your lunch
break?"

"After next period - how about you?"

"The same time.  Would it be okay if I sat with you?  It's been a bad day
so far and it's only going to get worse!"

"Sure, Tommy, I'll meet you in the cafeteria."

I went to my next class feeling down.  The only good thing is most of the
people I passed in the hall had no idea who I was.  However, I saw some
people I did know pointing me out to people I didn't know.  It won't take
long for everyone in the school to know who I am.

After my next class I ran into Sam Goodman and he got right in my face.  "I
found out the reason why you were on our bus this morning.  Is it true your
father kicked you out because you're a fag?"

"Believe whatever you want to believe, Sam.  What I say isn't going to make
any difference.  It's not the first time my dad has turned his back on one
of his sons."

"Well, stay away from me - I always figured you to be a fag.  You're going
to hell just like all the other fags!"

I just ignored him and walked away.  Lunch was okay - Cindy kept me
distracted.  I hadn't seen Mike all day.  That afternoon the name-calling
started.  I just ignored them.  One or two gave me an elbow as they walked
by me.  I worked hard to control my temper.  I just went into my undercover
role and ignored them.  Then I had an idea.  I'd play it up.  Turn all the
teasing into a joke.  Whenever someone would call me fag or something I'd
just smile and wink at them.  Or make a gesture with my wrist like it's
limp.  This kind of took them off guard.  Instead of letting them get to me
I made fun of myself which made most of them laugh.  A few would say
something like 'that's sick' and move on but I made my point.

When I got on the bus I saw Mike for the first time since this morning.  He
was already sitting with someone so I sat by myself.  When we got off the
bus he walked up beside me.

"I was pretty well ignored all day, Tommy, but I did hear a rumor that
there was this gay guy in our class and the guy didn't seem to care who
knew."

"Well, the rumor mills started up and I decided to just play it up.  Most
people just laughed it up."

"Do you know who started the rumor?"

"It had to have been my dad.  He's the only one who knows."

We got to the third floor and Detective Samuels was waiting for us.

"Things aren't going as planned, guys.  How are you doing, Tommy?"

"I'm okay, I just showed them what they didn't expect and that seemed to
defuse most of them."

"I think you played it just right even though none of us thought about it.
You can assume that you'll be old news in a day or two.  However, like I
said, things aren't going as planned.  Mark has had no luck getting in with
the crowd we suspect as having something to do with the beatings.  Your
primary backup has been neutralized.  How are you going to protect you,
Tommy?"

"I have an idea - we need to increase my firepower in order to equalize the
odds.  This is my idea."

And I told him what I had in mind.  My idea is at best risky.  But he could
see no other choice.

"Okay, Tommy - but you're not checked out on that kind of weapon.  Let's go
over to the National Guard Armory and we'll get you fixed up.  The Colonel
is an army buddy of mine and I'm sure we can get you checked out and fixed
up.  You'll need to wear your vest."

We went over to the armory and the Colonel fixed us right up.  In no time I
was up to speed on what I consider to be the ultimate equalizer.  I will
carry my new weapons in my backpack and take them out when needed.
Detective Samuels and I headed for home.

"You know, Tommy, you should only use these weapons in case of last resort.
Should anyone get hurt, a jury is going to complain it was excessive force.
You should only use them in case your life is in dire danger."

"I understand what you're saying, Detective Samuels.  I found out the
amount of paperwork I had to fill out for discharging my weapon the last
time.  Should I have to use my equalizer I'll be filling out paperwork for
weeks."

"You got that right, Tommy," he said, laughing.  "A great deal of our time
is spent doing paperwork.  And if we don't cross every 'T' and dot every
'I', a criminal walks.  I just hope we get there quick enough where you
won't have to use any force at all and no one gets hurt."

The next day at school things started to settle down.  There was still some
teasing but for the most part I was ignored.  I even sensed there were a
few different people who sympathized with me.

Wednesday the shit hit the fan.  Between third and fourth period I went to
the bathroom to take a leak.  Two big guys walked in after I came in and
cornered me.

"If you know what's good for you, you little faggot, you'll leave the
school and never come back.  Why don't you just do the world the favor and
kill yourself?"

"It's not like I have a choice.  I have to go to school.  I can choose what
school I go to.  If you have a problem with me being in this school then I
suggest you take it up with the school board."

"Shut up, faggot, we don't need your advice."

They just kept talking and I tried not to pay any attention to them.
Finally they let me go.  When I got to class I was five minutes late.  The
teacher sent me to the principal's office.  They made me sit for about 15
minutes and then sent me into the assistant principal's office.  He didn't
bother to ask why I was late to class or anything else for that matter.
All he did was hand me a detention slip.  It looks like today's the day.

Seeing as I was out of class anyway I pulled out my cell phone and called
Detective Samuels.  He told me he'd have a SWAT team ready and would do all
he could to back me up.  The rest of the day I was more or less in a fog.
I didn't respond to anybody.  Finally I went to detention and found I was
the only one there.  This really did not surprise me.  Detective Samuels
had said that in all the other cases no one else was in detention that day.

The assistant principal was there to keep an eye on me.  He never looked at
me or said a word until it was time to go.  He stayed at the desk and I
left the room alone.  As soon as I left the room I got my gun out of my
ankle holster.  I took my other weapons out of my backpack and clipped them
to my belt.  I held my gun at my side and walked down the hall.  As I was
walking down the hallway a door opened and someone dressed in the football
uniform came running towards me.  I lifted my arm with the gun but I was
too late and he hit me in the side before I could react.  My gun fell to
the floor and he picked it up and shoved me into a classroom.

I looked around and I saw about a dozen big guys all dressed in football
uniforms.  They all had helmets on and I didn't recognize any of them.
They all were carrying baseball bats.

"This little faggot had a gun.  I think he was going to shoot me with it."

"That's convenient, shoot the little fucker with it.  Shoot him in the head
so we can make it look like a suicide."

He tried to fire the weapon but he did not realize it would only fire if it
was in contact with my ring.  That really pissed him off.  While he was
trying to get my gun to operate I reached for my belt.  I had pulled my
shirt out of my pants so no one could see what was underneath.  I grabbed
two hand grenades and pulled both rings with my teeth like some John Wayne
movie.

"I think today's a good day to die," I said with the most intense look on
my face I could possibly manage.

"They're not real, just like this phony gun of yours."

"If you think the gun's not real why don't you pull the magazine out?"

He managed to get the magazine out of the gun.  "Damn, there are bullets in
this thing."

"You just need to know how to use it.  I'm a state police officer and
you're all under arrest.  Lay down on the floor and put your hands behind
your head or I'm going to blow you all to hell."

They started moving towards me and so I was only left with one choice.  I
released the handles on the hand grenades and tossed them on the floor.
They made a slight hissing sound and a little smoke came out of them as the
five-second fuse burned down.  It was almost funny seeing a dozen big
football players all trying to get to the door at the same time.  I was the
last person trying to get out the door when one of the guys pushed me
backwards and shut the door.  I fell to the ground and didn't even hear the
explosion.

I'm in Danny's backyard and we are playing catch.  We're about 10 years old
and it's a nice summer's day.  We're laughing and having a good time.
Danny throws the ball to me and I hear a sound like a gunshot or a car
backfiring.  I turn my head to look and the baseball hit me on the
forehead.  It knocked me out and I fell to the ground.  I start coming back
to consciousness when I realize Danny is holding my hand and stroking my
hair.  He's crying, "Wake up, Tommy, this is all my fault, I'm sorry,
please wake up."

I open my eyes and realize I'm not in Danny's backyard.  I'm in a hospital
bed.  I turned my head and saw my Danny.  He hadn't noticed I had regained
consciousness.  He was holding my hand and crying, saying how it's all his
fault.

"What's your fault, Danny?"

"All, Tommy, you're OK, you're going to be okay.  If I hadn't of fallen in
love with you none of this would have happened."

"Danny, we love each other.  You can't help who you fall in love with
anymore than I can help who I fall in love with.  And besides, if it wasn't
me getting hurt it would've been somebody else.  How long have I been
unconscious?"

"About six hours, Tommy.  I promised I'd page the nurse as soon as you woke
up."  Danny pushed the page button.

"How bad am I hurt, Danny?"

"You have a pretty good bump on the head from a piece of shrapnel that
bounced off.  You also have several bruises on your chest from where
shrapnel hit your vest.  Besides that you're in pretty good shape.  The
doctor said you have a mild concussion from the head injury but you should
be able to go home tomorrow."

"How did you get here so quick, Danny?"

"I got a phone call from Detective Samuels when they first took you to the
hospital.  They arranged for me to fly down right away with my parents.  I
was scared half to death.  On the plane I started getting all-dizzy and my
dad had to get me a paper bag to breathe in and out of.  They said I was
hyperventilating and the paper bag would help me to breathe normally again.
It worked, but I was still scared.  I felt so relieved when they told me
you are going to be all right.  The doctor said you're lucky to be alive.
He said if the shrapnel had hit your head another quarter inch to the right
your head would've looked like JFK's.  Your vest also stopped several other
pieces of shrapnel.  That's why you have the bruises."

The door opened and a nice looking nurse came in.  "I see you're back with
the living, Tommy!  I've paged the doctor and he should be here shortly.
Do you need to go to the bathroom or anything?"

"Now that you mention it I do need to go."

"Why don't you wait for the doctor to get here and check you out before you
get up?  Think you can hold it for a few minutes?"

"Yes, I'm not about to have any accidents."

While I was talking to her the doctor walked in.  "You're one lucky young
man.  From what they tell me there's not much left of that classroom.  Now
let's get you checked out."  He had me sit up and then had me follow his
fingers around with my eyes.  He took out this little flashlight and shined
it in my eyes.  He had me stand up and walk around a bit.  He had me stand
in one place with one foot behind the other with my arms crossed over my
chest and my eyes closed.  He told me to try to remain still.  Do you have
any idea how hard it is for a 14-year-old that has to pee to remain still?
He asked me how I felt and I told him I had a mild headache and my chest
hurts some.  He told me that he wanted to keep me overnight for observation
and to run some tests.  He said if all goes well I could go home in the
morning.

Finally I was able to relieve myself.  Even though I was very hungry I told
the nurse I didn't want anything to eat.  Instead, I picked up the phone
and dialed Mark's cell phone number.  Mark was really happy to hear from me
and said he was on his way to the hospital from the police station.  I
begged and pleaded for him to stop at McDonald's and pick up a Big Mac and
a large order of fries.  He laughed and said he'd take care of it.  While I
was on the phone Danny left the room and came back with his parents.  I
can't tell you how good it felt to be hugged and kissed by them.  There are
just no words in the English language to describe my feelings at the time.
Shortly after that Mark and Mike showed up with my food - It was sure good
to be alive.

My next surprise was Detective Samuels walking in the room.  He told
everybody to leave the room because what he had to say was private.  "Well,
Tommy, your plan almost worked.  The classroom is a real mess.  Ultimately
the parents of the 12 football players will be the ones to pay for the
damages as resisting arrest has been added onto their other charges.  I
have some bad news for you, Tommy.  Mark did see your father let them into
the building.  Also upon interrogation it has been revealed that he was
involved with all the beatings and the one homicide.  We're going to take a
couple of days to finish building our case before we take it to the DA's
office.  At that point the DA will decide what if any charges will be
brought against your father.  From the evidence I've seen we gathered so
far it will probably be first-degree murder."

"Finding out your father is a murderer is never good news.  However, at
least we can make sure it never happens again.  You showed a lot of courage
today, Tommy.  In all my years as a police officer I've never heard of a
case where one officer was out manned as much as you were today.  Sorry we
took so long to get there.  We weren't sure exactly what classroom you were
in so we were checking every classroom.  When the hand grenades went off
then we knew exactly where you were.  I can tell you several of those big
burly football players pissed themselves.  I can guarantee you you'll get
another award for your actions today.  I wish I had 100 officers with your
courage.  I'm sure you have some really mixed feelings about this whole
situation and Mr. Kelly has graciously volunteered to spend as much time as
you need talking about it."

"Tommy, I feel it's important that you have closure to the situation.
That's why I want you to make the collar.  I couldn't have done it without
you.  You need to face down your father and show him that might doesn't
make right.  What you think, Tommy?"

"I think it's important that I'm the one who arrests him too.  The doctor
says I can go home tomorrow and I actually feel pretty good right now."

"Well, Tommy, you're a fine young man.  Visiting hours are over so we're
going to let you get your rest.  I'll see you tomorrow."

Detective Samuels left the room and then everybody else came in to say
goodbye.  Danny gave me an extra special good night kiss.  Even with a mild
headache I had no problem going back to sleep.

They woke me up at 5:30 the next morning and started giving me a bunch of
tests.  I had about the worst breakfast you can possibly imagine.  I guess
they were just trying to get even for the Big Mac I ate the day before.
Finally, at 9:30 AM the doctor came in and said he was going to release me
but I needed somebody to pick me up.  I'd given Danny the keys to my
apartment the night before for him and his family to stay at.  I gave them
a call and they said they'd be right over.

The next two days were kind of a blur.  I didn't write it all down until
after the fact so I'm sure I left some things out.  At first, the
newspapers and the television stations had some wild reports about
terrorists bombing the school and taking football players hostage.  I guess
they must have gotten that press release from my father.  Later the news
indicated that the football players had been arrested and there was no
comment about how the damage happened at school.

Danny's parents had to get back to work but they decided to leave Danny
with me.  I spent most of my time at the state police headquarters filling
out paperwork.  Needless to say the account of what happened was far more
detailed than what I am giving you here.  It was made easier with a
transcription of the recording made from the wire I was wearing.  By Friday
afternoon Detective Samuels went to the DA with all the evidence against my
father and the football players.  The DA issued a warrant for my father's
arrest on many charges, starting with first-degree murder, then attempted
murder, and numerous other charges.

Detective Samuels, Mark, Mike, and I rode in a plain police car over to my
parents' house.  The other members of the team and 6 uniformed police
officers accompanied us from the state and county police force.  The city
police force wasn't involved at all as there were also some charges against
the police Chief.  We pulled in the driveway with the other police officers
parking in front.  The uniformed police officers surrounded the house.
Then Detective Samuels and I walked up to the front door with Mark and Mike
behind us.  I knocked on the door and my father answered.

Showing him my shield, I said, "I have a warrant for your arrest for
first-degree murder, and numerous other charges.  Lay down on the ground
face down, spread eagle, now!"

"You fucking faggot."  And Dad took a swing at me.  As much as I wanted to
hurt him I just couldn't do it.  I moved back and grabbed his arm as he
tried to hit me.  Then I pushed him in the back and let his weight bring
into the ground.  I put my knee behind his neck and handcuffed him.  I was
reading him his rights as he was cussing and screaming.

"You just don't get it, do you?  You talk about me being evil and yet I
still love you even though the evidence shows you have committed many
crimes.  Including murder.  There truly must be justice in this world.  I
hoped and prayed that what people told me about you was not true.  I had to
find out for myself and what did you do?  You tried to have me killed too.
Don't you understand?"  I said, yelling.  "Damn it, Dad, I love you.  No
matter what you've done.  I will always love you.  You know they say blood
is thicker than water.  Do you have any idea how much pain you have just
caused our family?  Everybody tells me what a great kid I am but you.  I
got a citation a month ago for valor from the Mayor of Chicago.  I'm a
full-time police officer.  My boss tells me he wishes he had 100 police
officers like me.  What do I have to do to earn your respect?  Be a bigot
like you and go around killing people?  All that doesn't matter.  You've
thrown it all away."  I said enough.  "Take him away."

I saw my mother standing at the door crying.  I went over to her and hugged
her close to me.  We cried on each other's shoulders for a while.  "Tommy,
I'm very proud of you.  I've known about these problems with your father
for some time but I didn't have the nerve to stand up to him the way you
did.  I don't know where this will leave us but I want you to know I want
to be a part of your life."

Mom and I talked and cried some more and talked about many things.  I told
her about my new life and she was very happy for me.

Next day I was issued my own plain looking police cruiser for my continuing
work as an undercover state police officer.  Detective Samuels assigned
Sgt. Don Miller as the person I'll report to.  Danny and I rode back up to
Lombard together in the police cruiser.  This is where the story 'Tossed
Away Kid' ends and the story 'Kid Cop' begins.  Please let me know if you
want to hear more of Danny and my adventures.

*   *   *   *

To be continued?