Date: Mon, 19 May 2003 11:13:15 -0400
From: Mychyl Kime <jasani666@hotmail.com>
Subject: (Gay/Highschool) Dear Diary Series Chapter 8

Dear Diary
(c) 2002 Mychyl Kime (KimeNet Corp.)

	This is a work of fiction, depicting teenage males in romance
and/or sexual positions. The people depicted in this story (to the best of
the author's knowledge) do NOT exist... in the rare case that they're based
on real people, the names HAVE been changed... not so much as to protect the
innocent as to spare the poor people listed within the unnecessary fame this
story might bring to them... not that I'm saying lots of people will read
this, or even people where I've lived, but there's always a slight chance...
And these events are, for the most part, all the imagination of the author,
although I've seen the events depicted many, many times. And by the way, the
places used within do exist, and are easily as evil as depicted herein...

	If you are under 18 years of age (or whatever the legal age in your
area is) you must leave. Of course, I can't very well make you leave... but
if you choose to stay, DON'T GET CAUGHT! It is neither my fault, nor the
fault of this wonderful site, if you get caught running around here.

	Also, if you are repulsed by the concept of homosexual romance
and/or sex, please feel free to leave at any time. In fact, now would be a
good time. But hey, it's your call, of course... I can't make you leave,
either... but if you choose to stay, feel free... who knows, you might even
change your mind! My only question is: why are you here if that's the case?

	This is a new story, completely independent of my older work; if
you are interested in that, it's in HighSchool/The_Dance. And please, do
not ask if The Road Ahead will be completed. It will not. In fact, if I can
sweettalk the wonderful people at Nifty into doing a favor for me, the token
trifle which is The Road Ahead (online) may be destroyed. I'll offer up the
rest of this, and the anticipated next two books, for it, in fact. >_>()

	Each chapter will be prefaced by a piece of the song "Dear Diary",
(c) 2000 Britney Spears, from her album "Oops... I Did It Again". I make
no misrepresentations to my ownership or rights to this song; however, I
am certain that Ms. Spears (or should I say, the future Mrs. Timberlake?
though this seems to change from time to time, so perhaps I'll remove this
little addendum next time I update this intro/advisory) would not be so
petty as to sue me for usage of this song on a free forum, where I can
gain no profit from using it.

	Please feel free to email me with your comments/suggestions. My
email is: jasani666@hotmail.com (my old ones were claimed by hostile
takeover, care of a hack/infection). Or, if you'd prefer, you can IM me
on the chance you catch me online (which by the end of next month will
hopefully be more often, since I should be getting a new computer then):

	AIM: JasaniAvatar
	MSN: jasani666@hotmail.com
	Y!M: pbw_darkscape
	ICQ: 21009696
	IRC: (xy.observers.net room XYchat last I knew) WyldChylde
	XY!: WyldChylde *chat only now* JasaniAvatar *chat and profile*

	And now, without further delay:




	-*-	Chapter 8	-*-

		"Dear Diary...
		 One touch of his hand..."
			-B. Spears, "Dear Diary"


	I woke up to the complete and absolute quiet of an apparently
recently unoccupied house (which, other than the one, me, it did
appear to be), and moved around on the couch a little, trying to find
a clock, something to give me some sort of idea how late I was gonna
wind up being to school... but first, I found a note addressed to me
sitting on the coffee table in front of me, and recognized Ryan's
handwriting. Slightly puzzled, I sat up and read the note...

	Sean-

	I didn't want to wake you up, so I just wrote this instead. Kev
said that he's got stuff he has to do after school, so how would ya
like to make up for last night after you get home from school? Page me
n I'll come running... ya know me.

	Love,
	Ryan

	I sat the note back down on the table and stretched, considering
cutting school to take Ryan up on his offer... a makeup session for the
prior night, not to mention fun that early in the morning... but then, I
remembered Zack and Johnny, and I forced myself up the stairs and into
my bedroom, my eyes absently picking out the imprints their tangled forms
left upon my bed during the night...

	That decided the matter for me. I certainly wasn't exactly pleased
with Ryan for all but ignoring me the night before and paying all his
attentions to Kevin, and since I truly and desperately needed to talk to
Zack and Johnny about everything that'd happened, I decided to go ahead
and go to school. I quickly picked out a pair of black board shorts and a
black t-shirt, deciding to forgo boxers today... they weren't all that
comfortable under board shorts, and I always chose my own comfort over
practicality. Clothes in hand, I made my way into the bathroom, noting
almost immediately that the water along the floor of the shower was still
warm... it hadn't been long at all after they'd left the house when I
awoke, and I deliberately blocked out the image of Ryan and Kevin going
at it in the shower as it came into my head, rushing through my own
shower and drying off as quickly as possible, throwing my clothes on
quickly before pausing a moment to tease and gel my hair into a passable
imitation of spikes, hurrying to throw on my sandals and grab my backpack
and heading downstairs, taking the stairs three at a time, heading out
the front door and into the brightly lit world, pausing again to squint
from the painful light, waiting for my eyes to adjust...

	It took me about ten minutes after that to get to my school, the
bell ringing as class let out. I glanced at my wrist to find out what time
it was, only to realize just then I'd completely forgotten my watch, that
it was laying at home... on my dresser, most likely. As far I could tell,
however, first period had just let out, so I walked across the field,
heading towards where I knew Zack's second class was, but instead saw him
crossing the Quad towards the 'forbidden' area, where everyone hung out
during cut periods... where Zack and I hung out just the day before. I
changed course to follow him, moving quietly, and was amazed to see Johnny
sitting over there, hanging out already, apparently waiting for Zack...

	"Zack!" I called out as we got closer. "Johnny!"

	Zack's face as he turned to face me was first a mask of shock, then
betrayal, finally settling into apparent indifference to my very presence,
turning to walk away from me towards Johnny, with me following.

	"Can I talk to you guys?" I pleaded with them, not receiving a
response from either of them, feeling myself nearly on the verge of crying.
"Please?"

	Zack turned to face me, his body directly between me and Johnny, as
though protecting him from me, his face an unfathomable mask. "What do YOU
want?" he demanded of me in a cold, hateful voice, moving back to sit down
right next to Johnny, their bare legs touching, much as ours had the day
before... I blocked the image of the former day, concentrating on what I
needed to tell them.

	"I'm sorry about yesterday," I started lamely, not knowing how else
to breach the subject, but seeing Zack's eyes go cold, I rushed on ahead.
"But I remembered... realized... something last night. Me and Kevin, we
never really started going out, not officially. We'd fucked, yeah, but I
don't know that that could be considered a relationship," I continued,
not sure whether or not I should continue from there... but my heart was
speaking, not my mind, so I continued onward anyways... "And I'm not sure
I'm really all about him... I..."

	I finally stopped myself short, finally realizing something so
obvious, I should've noticed sooner. The two's body language spoke louder
and stronger than words ever could. They were a couple, and the day before,
everything that we'd done together, was purely a fling, simply a sexual
experience, and nothing at all more. I was interested in Zack and Johnny
both, in a way neither would ever, could ever return... they were in love
with each other, and I was little more than a good friend to them... well,
a friend with benefits, as the day before had proved, but still...

	"What DO you want, then?" Zack asked me, his voice filled with more
confusion than anything else.

	"I want to still be friends with both of you," I said softly, even
though my heart was screaming otherwise at the top of its lungs. "I don't
know, or care, if you ever want to repeat yesterday afternoon... I just
don't ever want to lose either of you as friends..."

	Zack and Johnny exchanged glances, an intimately private conversation
shared in that single look, and they both turned to face me, Johnny wearing
a strangely sad smile.

	"We don't want to lose you either," he said almost sadly, his voice
barely more than a whisper. "...As a friend," he added quickly, glancing
once again to Zack.

	I hugged them both as tightly as possible to me, Zack on my right and
Johnny on my left, as I cried inwardly, my heart weeping with the ignored
desire, the wish to tell them how I truly felt towards them. However, my
logical mind decided that doing so would probably only hurt them, maybe
even tear them apart, and quite possibly ensuring my losing them as friends,
and from where I stood, nothing was worth losing that... not even the
potential happiness of having them with me...

-------------------------

	Whew! Another chapter done!

	OK, according to plans (which is to say, I've got it all written out
already, and just need to finish typing it), we've got a couple more
chapters
left... and then, we move on to the next story in the Ukiah Chronicles! (For
those who're interested in continuing the series from here, that is...)

	Unfortunately, I've got another move coming up, so there may be a
slight delay between now and when I next manage to get online to post. The
story, as I said before, is fully written out, so that's not the issue, and
during my enforced break, I'm gonna continue working on Frozen, the next
story from the series (which I'll probably just put in this folder, so it's
easier to deal with)...

	As always, please email me if you have any comments... fan mail is
ALWAYS appreciated, from new and old fans alike! My email's up at the top.