Date: Thu, 5 Nov 2009 08:34:41 -0700
From: K_V D <concertoind@gmail.com>
Subject: Under My Skin - 13

This is a work of fiction. All the resemblances are completely accidental.
Don't read it if you are not supposed to. You know the drill. My e-mail is
ConcertoInD@Gmail.com if you want to tell me something (insults, praises,
and whatnot). Thanks!



				*PART  II*

				   - I -


            It's been more than two months since Amber hung herself and my
numbness finally started to disappear. I was thinking of following Amber's
example for two or so weeks after her funeral and I was so serious about it
that it almost scared me. So I started to draw even more than I used to. I
would go to school, go to work, and I would feel like I was on auto-pilot.
As if I was doing everything because someone programmed me. But then I would
come back home and start drawing and the pain lessened almost immediately. I
could draw all night long, simply forgetting about sleep, and finally Sam
told me that if I don't start sleeping, I'll probably kill someone when I
pass out behind the wheel of my car. The thought was scary and I started to
set an alarm clock for my drawing sessions. I would set it for two thirty in
the morning and once it went off, I would unwillingly put my pencils away
and go to bed where I was falling asleep almost instantly.

   By the end of January I applied to three different art colleges. Two of
them were local, and the third one was in Arizona. Christy and I hung out
less than we used to because she would spend all her time with Alex. It was
really bizarre but ever since Amber's funeral I didn't feel as crazy as I
used to about Alex. I still found him incredibly attractive and I would
still long for him but now it wasn't the same desperate love that was
torturing me since September.

   I was really surprised when I never dreamt of Amber. I would dream of
Alex, Christy, Sam, and even Matt but never of Amber. It was as if God
finally decided to show some mercy and not to torture me in my sleep. I was
really grateful for that and I started to say a short prayer every night
before I went to bed. Somehow it was making me feel better.

   Sam and I talked a lot lately and I felt really good after our
conversations. I guess it was somewhat inevitable for us to end up in bed
together which happened on the last day of January and there was no wine or
drugs to blame. It just happened.

   I couldn't believe how right and normal it felt to me. I was really
afraid that the things would get weird between us but Sam just shrugged and
said that nothing will change unless I start freaking out again. I laughed
at that and was enormously relieved when nothing changed.

   Life was slowly returning back to normal - or in my case semi-normal -
and on the second week of February I almost believed that I finally got my
redemption. Boy, was I wrong...