Date: Wed, 4 Nov 2009 16:51:09 -0700
From: K_V D <concertoind@gmail.com>
Subject: Under My Skin - 9

This is a work of fiction. All the resemblances are completely accidental.
Don't read it if you are not supposed to. You know the drill. My e-mail is
ConcertoInD@Gmail.com if you want to tell me something (insults, praises,
and whatnot). Thanks!



				  - IX -



            I was right. They made up on Friday of that week and I almost
started praying again when I became so depressed that nothing mattered
anymore. Amber was wondering why I was so moody lately and I kept telling
her that it's because of the huge loads of homework and the fact that I was
trying to get more hours at work. It was almost the end of October and I got
pretty good about the whole sex thing. Amber couldn't believe how long I
could last now and I just smirked bitterly in my head. If she'd only known...

   On the last week of October Matt finally introduced me to Sam and I liked
the guy immediately. He was really friendly, soft spoken, and he had a great
sense of humor. He told me that I can move in on the first of November and I
was happy finally. I started getting all my stuff together that very day and
Christy laughed with amusement when she heard me hum something softly.

"Can't wait to get out of here, huh?" she asked and helped me to put some
books away.

   I smiled with embarrassment.

"Kinda", I admitted. "I mean, I love it here! It's just..." I sighed and
Christy laughed.

"Don't sweat it, Jake", she said lightly. "I know what you mean. Plus Sam is
awesome. You guys will get along just fine, he is really easy to live with.
I mean, my *brother* managed to live with him for almost two years while he
went to college and that is saying something!"

"Why?" I frowned and Christy snorted.

"My brother is impossible to live with", she said with a grimace. "But Sam
didn't even get mad at him once! I probably would've killed him by the end
of the first week."

   I laughed.

"Yeah, well... I hope I am easy to live with."

"You are fine", Christy grinned. "Hey, you can finally bring Amber to your
place!"

"Yeah", I muttered. "It would be funny if Sam's girlfriend would be there at
the same time... Orgy", I sighed.

"Sam doesn't have a girlfriend", Christy said indifferently.

"Really?" I frowned. "Weird. He is what, Matt's age?"

"He's twenty four but that doesn't matter", she shrugged. "Sam's gay."

   I dropped my books and winced when they landed on my toes.

"You okay?" Christy laughed.

"Sam's gay?" I repeated numbly and Christy rolled her eyes.

"Yes", she said patiently. "Why is it such a big deal to you?"

"You don't find it weird?" I asked carefully.

"Weird?" Christy shook her head. "Why would I find it weird?"

"Well..." I mumbled. "It's unnatural and against God and..."

"Are you for real?!" she stared at me in disbelief. "Unnatural? Against
God?... Jesus, Summers! You never fail to amaze me... I thought you don't care
about religion anymore."

"Yeah", I muttered. "I thought that too... I guess you can take the boy out of
religion..."

"Pffft", Christy said contemptuously. "Fine, then here is something for you...
You agree that God made everything, right?"

"I guess", I said carefully.

"Uh huh", she nodded. "And you also believe that God does everything for a
reason, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Well", she shrugged. "You seriously don't see where I am going?..." she
sighed after I stared at her blankly. "Oh, man... Okay, Jake. If everything
around us is God's doing, that means that He..." she poked her finger towards
the ceiling. "He created gays as well. And since there is always a reason,
then I say that they are part of the great design, don't you think? And how
can it be unnatural or evil..." she grimaced. "If everyone here is God's
creature? You get what I am saying?"

   I stared at her silently. I never thought this way before. It made very
scary and clear sense to me and I thought that this was probably how the
heresy started in the middle ages. Christy frowned.

"You okay?" she asked me with concern. "Jake, you are white... Summers?..."

"Chris..." I looked at her intently. "I am gay, Chris."

   I couldn't believe this. I was *not* ready to say this! I didn't plan on
saying this! I was sure that I will *never* say this to anyone, even the
Pope himself. And then I just blurt it out?! What is wrong with me?

   Christy stared at me.

"Is this a joke?" she said and I just turned away from her, tears burning my
eyes.

   She slowly sat on the bed.

"But..." she muttered. "You are with Amber... I mean, how... No, please don't
answer that", she added quickly and I almost laughed. "Are you sure, Jake?...
I mean, maybe you just... I don't know... Your brain is experimenting or
something?"

   I finally looked at her.

"Chris, I am in love with..." Nope, I will *not* say this. "With a guy", I
finished.

   She looked at me with bewilderment.

"Who?" she stuttered.

"Doesn't matter", I sighed and turned away again. "I got together with Amber
hoping that it will cure me but..." I shrugged.

"Cure you?!" she got up and walked to me. "Jake, you are not sick... Look at
me... Summers! Look at me!"

   I sighed and turned towards her. She took my face in her palms.

"Jake", she said softly. "You are not sick..."

"You don't hate me?" I muttered and she rolled her eyes.

"No", she said with annoyance. "I would never hate you! Jake, it doesn't
change who you are! It doesn't matter, don't you see? I mean, seriously, why
should anyone care what you do in your own bed, right? Love is all what
matters! If you love someone..." she shrugged. "Then it makes everything
right."

"That simple, huh..." I hemmed and she nodded.

"Yes. That simple."

"Bailey, I love you..."

"I love you too", she smiled and kissed me lightly on the tip of my nose.

   I laughed softly and hugged her tight, burying my face in her hair. We
stood frozen in our silent embrace for several minutes and then she pulled
away and looked at me, her eyes twinkling.

"So", she said smugly. "Who is it that you have a crush on?"

"No way", I said, shaking my head. "I am not telling you!"

"Oh dear God!" her face suddenly turned white and I thought "Great! She
figured it out..."

"It's not Matt, is it?" she whispered and I just started to laugh.

"Jesus, Chris!!" I finally managed. "No!"

"Oh thank God", she breathed with relief. "Matt is the worst person to fall
in love with..." she shuddered.

"No", I thought bitterly. "Your boyfriend is the worst person to fall in
love with."

"Does Amber know?" Christy frowned.

"No", I said quickly. "Chris, nobody knows except for you, okay?"

"Oh, man..." she shook her head. "So when did you know? When were you sure?"

"On the third day of school", I said gloomily and she looked at me with
reproach.

"And you never told me!" she said angrily.

"Bailey", I sighed. "I couldn't believe it myself, okay? It hit me like a
train... Actually, I wanted to get hit by a train then..."

"Ugh", she muttered. "Now I can see why you were so weird... Do your parents
know?"

   I shuddered.

"Oh dear God, no!!"

"How are your parents, by the way?" Christy climbed onto the bed. "I mean,
it's almost November... I seriously expected your dad to come here like a week
after you moved. I mean, he's your dad and all... And they live like next
door..."

   I snorted.

"I saw him in the store once", I said. "He started muttering his prayer the
minute he saw me. And then he was crossing himself like he just saw the
devil incarnate..."

   Christy laughed in disbelief.

"Wow", she said. "What about your mother? Have you seen her?"

"No", I shrugged. "I guess she found redemption and peace in her alcohol...
Remember how wasted she was when we came to get my stuff?"

"Yeah", Christy sighed. "This is so weird... Jake", she looked at me
seriously. "You have to tell Amber."

   I winced. She was right and I knew it. But the very idea was making me
nauseous.

"No", I said finally. "What's the point? It's not like I will just go ahead
and find some guy and move with him to Hawaii..." I shrugged. "Plus I like
Amber."

"Jake..." Christy sighed. "This isn't right... You have to tell her."

"Isn't right?" I laughed. "Christy, there is nothing right with this whole
thing! Seriously, I was thinking of hanging myself back in September! I will
*never* tell anyone else about it! I know, I am being stupid but I am so
ashamed right now that..."

"Oh for crying out loud!" she gave me an exasperated sigh. "Ashamed?!"

"Yeah", I nodded. "It'll probably pass but I will never be able to just...
Come out... I just can't, Chris! And I'd much rather stay with Amber cause I
like her than find some other chick who I don't care about!"

"What if she loves you?" Christy asked quietly and I shrugged.

"Love makes everything right, doesn't it? She'll think that I love her too."

"Ugh, Summers... You may be gay but you are still a pig", she grimaced and I
smiled crookedly.

"I know", I agreed. "I know... Hey, how are the things between you and Alex?"

   Christy smiled and turned so pink that my knees almost buckled.

"Oh Lord..." I muttered. "You and him..."

"Uh huh", she nodded and by now she was almost bright red. "We did."

"And?..."

"I am not telling you", she said and I looked at her darkly.

"Bailey, I just told you that I am gay... Come on!"

"Fine", she rolled her eyes. "Jake, it was amazing! Alex is unbelievable... He
has such a great body that..."

    Okay, I am sorry I asked. I wanted her to stop talking right this
minute. I hated myself for feeling so jealous and angry towards her, but I
couldn't help myself. Every word that came out of her mouth was stabbing me
in the heart with wooden stakes. I couldn't believe that after all this time
I was still so desperately in love with Alex Landon that I would sell my
soul just to be loved by him, even for a day.