Date: Tue, 26 Oct 2004 16:58:11 -0700 (PDT)
From: Fup Duck <fupduckmd@yahoo.com>
Subject: Under Pressure - High School 29

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Let's see: 1.  If it's illegal - don't read this.  2.
If you can't accept it - don't read this.  3.  If you're underage - don't
read this.  4.  It's mine - don't distribute without permission.  5.
Characters and events bear an uncanny resemblance to people I grew up with
and stuff I went through - ooops. ;-) That about covers it.

Before reading this chapter, a little background on David's father's side
of the family would probably be helpful.  The paternal side of David's
family was a relatively stoic bunch.  David's father was brought up in a
family that didn't believe in showing emotions.  Many times his father was
told that 'men didn't cry' - the typical macho bullshit so typical
then...and now.  His father passed that along to David - both verbally and
by example, so there was very little physical affection between David and
his father.  It was easier for David's father to punish his kids than to
praise them.  Our parents are examples to us...whether good or bad.

We jump forward about 6 weeks.

Here's Chapter 29......

Fup

******************************************************************************
FROM CHAPTER 28

"Okay, David, well, good night," she replied, getting up off the chair.

"Night mom," then thinking a little, he added, "Love you."

"I love you too, David," she answered, her voice a little lighter.  "Good
night."

"Night," he said, watching her darkened form leave the room, pulling the
door shut behind her.  He put his hands under his head and stared at the
dark ceiling.




UNDER PRESSURE/HIGH SCHOOL 29 - Emotional Rescue

It was Tuesday.  A school day, but David wasn't in school.  He would have
preferred to be in school rather than here, but he had no choice.  He was
sitting in the second row of chairs, behind his parents, and other members
of his father's side of the family.  He ran his finger under the collar of
his shirt, and loosened his tie a little, trying to ease the feeling of the
noose-like constriction.  Lynn nudged him with her elbow as the droning
voice continued from the podium at the front of the room.  He shot a brief
glare at her, noting the tears rolling down her face, then re-focused his
attention on the front of the room where his grandmother was lying in a
casket.

He felt like he should be crying, but he wasn't.  Was he that much of
asshole that he couldn't even cry at his grandmother's funeral?  He had
been close to her, not as close as he was to Nanny, but close nonetheless.
He smiled a little as he remembered her pulling him into her lap and
telling him he was going to be the next President of the United States.
But he still couldn't force the tears from his eyes.  His dad had always
told him that men didn't cry.  Earlier in the service, his dad had turned
around with his own tears streaming down his face, and whispered, "It's
okay to cry, David."

But David couldn't.  His dad's tears had sort of freaked him out.  His dad
NEVER cried.  He glanced over to his grandfather, noting the tear tracks on
his face as well.  His finger worked its way back under his collar, this
was uncomfortable.  Physically uncomfortable because he didn't like to wear
a suit.  Mentally uncomfortable because everyone seemed to be crying but
him.  These people would think he hadn't loved his grandmother, if he
wasn't crying.  But the tears wouldn't come.  He sat there, lost in his own
thoughts as the service ended, and the guests made their way to the casket
to pay their final respects.  When the guests had departed to get into
their cars for the funeral procession, it was the family's turn to say
goodbye.  David waited until almost last, keeping his head bowed, and
approached the casket.  He looked into the calm face of his grandmother,
and said, "Bye Granma, I'll miss you."

The ride to the cemetery was quiet, broken occasionally by a sob from one
of his parents or Lynn.  He kept his head bowed at the gravesite service,
embarrassed that there were still no tears.  The following reception wasn't
much better, some of the family looked at his dry eyes accusingly while
they were giving him their regrets.  He would softly thank them, a sad
expression clouding his face, but no tears.  After almost half an hour, he
managed to sneak away to a spare bedroom in his grandfather's house.

Almost two hours later, his mother found him, still sitting on the bed with
his chin in his hands.

"Have yourself a good cry?" she asked.

"Yeah," David lied, not willing to admit the truth.

"Good, get it out of your system, we're almost ready to go."

"Okay, I'll be here."

"You should come say goodbye to the people downstairs, you know."

"Mom, please?"

"Okay, David, I'll just say that you just need some time by yourself."

"Thanks, mom."

She left the room, closing the door behind her.  David stared at the door
for a few seconds, then once again rested his chin in his hands.  For once,
he wasn't thinking about anything, his mind was blank.  He sat there for a
few minutes more, then got up to head back downstairs.  He met his mom
halfway down.

"Okay, David, we're going to go.  Say goodbye to your grandfather."

David hugged his grandfather, feeling him stiffen a little then relax as he
gave David a brief return squeeze.  "Sorry, Granpap," he said, meaning more
than what his grandfather heard.

"It was her time, David," he replied softly.

"I guess."

The ride home was quiet for a few minutes, then Lynn stated, "David didn't
cry."

"Shut up, Lynn," David hissed.

"Yes, he did, Lynn," his mother answered.  "He waited until he was alone."

"Oh," Lynn replied.  "How come you didn't cry at the funeral?  I did."

His mother saved him again, "I'm sure he had his reasons, Lynn.  Now drop
the subject."

"Okay," she agreed, then glanced at David with an expression of smugness
mixed with a little confusion.

He was in his room, door open, when his father paused at the doorway.  "You
okay, David?"

"Yeah, just...well, you know."

"Okay, just checking on you," his dad smiled a little and went to change.

The next day a subdued David joined his group of friends at the lockers.
Kelly smiled sadly at him, Sean slid over, making room.

"Sorry to hear about your grandmother, man," he said, momentarily putting a
hand on David's shoulder.

"Yeah," the other three chimed in, each briefly squeezing his shoulder in
sympathy.

Kelly draped his arm around David, and gave a small squeeze.  "Anything we
can do?"

"Nah, it was her time to go, you know?"  David responded.

Kelly looked into his face, a brief look of concern flashing across it,
then removed his arm.  "You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, man.  Just a little sad, that's all."

A few fellow students that knew him passed by offering their condolences.
Suzy gave him a hug and a whispered, "Sorry."  He smiled at her, and
returned the hug.

"Thanks."

"Well, my grandmother died last year, I still cry when I think about her
sometimes."

David stiffened a little, getting a questioning look from Suzy.  Then he
recovered, and gave her a half smile.  "It's still a little fresh, ya
know?"

"It's okay, Dave, talk to you later," she replied, then walked toward her
home room.

The first bell rang and the six boys started their own trek to their rooms.
Kelly put his head on David's shoulder, "Wanna do something this weekend?"

"Sure, maybe you can come over Friday night or something."

"Sounds good, I'll ask.  Just let me know, okay?"

The next few days passed slowly, still somewhat subdued, David appreciated
his friends' attempts to lighten his mood, but remained quieter than
normal.  Kelly pulled him aside on Friday between classes.

"Hey, still on for tonight?"

David smiled, "Yeah, anytime after supper is fine."

"Cool, gonna pick me up?"

"Sure, how about around 6:30?"

"I'll be ready."

After supper, David drove to Kelly's and was almost immediately smothered
in a hug from his boyfriend's mother.

"We're so sorry to hear about your grandmother, Dave.  How are you doing?"

David smiled a little, "I guess I'm doing okay, it's hard and all."

"Well, if there's anything we can do, let us know, okay?"

"I will, Mrs. Sites.  Thanks."

Kelly appeared in the kitchen doorway, with his overnight bag, and grinned
at David, still wrapped in his mother's hug.

"You can leave go now, mom.  You'll suffocate the boy guy."

Mrs. Sites gave him one last squeeze then let go, smiling at David.
"Sorry, about that, I get carried away sometimes."

"S'ok, it was nice."

She shot a look at her son, "At least SOMEONE appreciates my hugs."

Kelly rolled his eyes, then grinned at her.  "Yeah, if the three of us are
any proof, dad sure does."

Mrs. Sites jokingly cuffed Kelly on the side of the head, then left the
room.

"Hey," Kelly began, "I need you to take me to pick something up.  Your
parents expecting you right home?"

"No, they're over at my grandfather's by now.  Dad said something about
going through Granma's things."

"Okay, cool.  Let's go," Kelly replied enthusiastically.

Kelly directed David to pull into the State Park parking lot.  David shot
him a questioning glance, but Kelly just smiled.  "Gotta meet the guy
here."

"Whatever," David replied, pulling into a parking space, letting the car
run to keep the heater working.

They sat there for a few minutes, then Kelly turned to David.  "Okay, Dave,
what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Huh?"

"You heard what I asked," Kelly answered seriously.

"Nothin's wrong, unless you count the fact that my grandmother died."

"And....?"

"And, what?  So when's this guy gonna get here?"

"Don't even try changing the subject.  What's wrong?  You've been moping
around all week.  We haven't said more than a couple words to each other.
The guys have all noticed that you're acting weird."

"My freaking grandmother DIED, Kel.  Jeez, what the hell is wrong with YOU
guys?"  David shot back, loudly.

"Yeah, you're grandmother died.  I'm sorry.  But there's somethin' else."

"No, there's not.  No need to be worried.  I'm just fine."

"You don't lie very good, Dave."

"I'm NOT lying, Kel.  Damn, just don't worry about me, I'll be okay."

"Sure, you'll be okay," Kelly scoffed.  "Does being okay mean yelling at me
and not talking to your friends?"

"I said I'm okay, Kel.  Damn, lighten up will you?"

"Bullshit," Kelly responded then turned to face the front of the car,
silently staring out the windshield.

"So when's this guy getting here?"

Kelly mumbled a response, still staring forward.

"What?"

Kelly turned to David angrily.  "I said that there's no one coming."

"Well, then what the hell are we doing here?"

"I thought we needed to talk," Kelly stated.  "Guess I was wrong."

David turned to Kelly, his emotions seething.  "So, you brought me out here
to talk?  You guys think I'm acting weird, and you were elected to find out
what was wrong with Dave.  Well, you wanna know what the hell is wrong?  Do
you really?"

Kelly stared at David, taken aback by the emotion in his voice.  He pushed
himself back against the door, concerned that maybe he went a little too
far.  David glared at him, red- faced, then he opened the driver's door and
got out, slamming the door behind him.  Kelly saw him lean against the side
of the car, facing the empty expanse of parking lot.  After a few minutes,
he opened his door and walked toward the front of the car.  As he
approached, David turned, keeping his back toward him.

"Dave?  You okay?"  he asked quietly.

"No, okay, I'm not.  Satisfied?"

Kelly walked up to him and put his hand on David's shoulder, "Hey."

David spun to face him, tears in his eyes.  Kelly didn't quite know what to
do.  He had really never seen David cry.  He stood there awkwardly as David
admitted, "I didn't cry at her funeral, Kel.  Everyone else did, but I
didn't."  Kelly gave the shoulder a slight squeeze, and David slid down to
a sitting position with his back against the car, tears running down his
face.

Kelly remained standing, listening as David went on.  "I mean guys aren't
supposed to cry, so I didn't - I didn't want to be a bay.  I couldn't.  Do
you know how shitty I feel?  It's like I didn't care that she was dead.  I
had to hide in another room so no one would think I was mean or anything.
I just feel like shit."

Kelly extended his hand, "C'mon, let's get back in the car.  It's cold out
here."

David grasped his hand, and let Kelly help him to his feet.  Head bowed, he
slid into the warm car, Kelly sliding into the passenger seat.

"So that's what's been bugging you?  That you didn't cry?"

"Yeah, I couldn't.  I tried, but just couldn't"

"You are now," Kelly stated the obvious.

"Yeah, some big man I am, huh?"

Kelly slid over, wrapping his arm around David's shoulders.  "Hey, she
knows how you felt.  That's all that matters.  All the rest is just show."

"I guess, but I still feel like crap."

Kelly squeezed his shoulders, then chuckled, "Yeah, cold crap."

David raised his head, and looked at his smiling boyfriend.  "It was a
little cold out there, huh?"

"It's December, Dave.  It gets cold here in the winter, remember?"

David swiped a hand across his eyes, then smiled, "So, I guess you think
I'm an asshole, huh?"

"Dave, I know how you think, man," Kelly responded seriously.  "Something
was up, and I was just worried you were gonna explode.  And no, I don't
think you're an asshole, I know."

"Oh boy, some sympathy," David smiled.

"To be honest, sometimes you are, man.  But ya gotta take the good with the
bad.  And there's more good, I think."

David sighed, "I hope.  Sometimes I don't feel that way, ya know?"

Kelly laughed, squeezed David's shoulders again, then slid back into the
passenger's seat.  "Trust me.  Now, we'd better get to your house."

"Yeah, I guess.  It's gonna be hot in the basement, dad started the
woodstove about a week ago, and you know how it gets down there."

"Guess we'll have to sleep naked then," Kelly grinned.

David shook his head, and backed out of the parking place.  Before he
started forward, he paused and smiled at Kelly.  "Thanks."

Kelly grinned and puckered his lips.  "Not here, you goof.  That would be
all I need."

Kelly pouted, then grinned and punched David on the shoulder.  "Well, let's
go."

"Don't know why I put up with you," David sighed.

"Sure ya do, same reason I put up with you.  Now are we gonna go to your
house, or sit here until it starts snowing?"

"You're a demanding kind of guy, you know that?"

"Yep," Kelly laughed.  "Now get going.....Charles."

David laughed at the reference, and drove back home.

*****************************************************************************

Why is this chapter here?  Figure it out!  lol
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email:  fupduckmd@yahoo.com
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Fup