Date: Tue, 23 Mar 2004 18:19:53 -0800 (PST)
From: Virtual Insanity <virtualinsanity78@yahoo.com>
Subject: Wade and Christian 10

This story is intended for adult audiences.  If you are not an adult 18+,
21 in some places, please do not go on.

I have been writing for some years, but this is the first time I have
shared my writing with the public. The copyright belongs solely to me.  You
can read it here on Nifty, print out a copy for yourself or a friend, but
anything else you have to ask me - virtualinsanity78@yahoo.com

I know, it's been awhile, but I'm back.  Shorter than usual, but I decided
not to keep you waiting any longer.  You might want to re-read the last
installment :)

*************************************************************************

	Three days.  It had been three whole days since Christian had
thrown him out of the house for beating the crap out of Mannie and Wade
still couldn't seem to convince Christian that it had all been a stupid
mistake.

	Wade shoved his books into his locker and slammed it shut.  He was
angry and frustrated and he missed Christian like hell.  He was walking
down towards the gym to find Jon when he felt arms wrap around him.  He
closed his eyes and dreamt a quick dream that it was Christian, taking him
back in, but he knew that it wasn't.  It was Tiffany.  Her perfume was
distinctive and he could feel her boobs pressed against his back.  He
turned around to face her, somehow able to manage a smile.

	"Hey, hon," he said with as much warmth as he could muster and
wrapped his arms around her in a quick embrace.

	"I haven't seen you in forever," she said with a cute, little pout
and Wade grinned down at her, pressing his lips against hers.

	"I know," he said.  "The football season's a killer."

	"I can't wait until its over," she declared and then hooked her arm
through his.  "You headed to the gym?"

	"Yep," he told her.  "Wish you could come with me."

	She smiled prettily up at him, then wrapped her arms around his
neck and pierced him with her bright blue eyes.

	"You and me. Saturday night.  Promise," she demanded gently.  Wade
nodded, letting his thoughts of Christian turn to ash.  At his acquiesence,
her smile widened and she pressed a lingering kiss on his lips before
turning away from him.

	Wade watched the gently sway of her hips as she walked away,
feeling guilty as hell.  When she rounded a corner and waved goodbye, he
turned back in the direction of the gym.  It was only then that he spotted
the familiar length of Christian's long frame, tucked against a corner in
the hallway.  Christian held his books against his chest, almost
protectively and his eyes drilled into Wade with obvious hurt.

	"Chris," Wade began and started toward Christian.  Christian
tensed, but didn't move away.  When Wade was a few feet away, Christian
held out a folded piece of paper to him, not looking him in the eye.

	"Are you okay?" Wade asked, taking the letter gingerly.

	"I'm fine," Christian said, but Wade could see that he was on the
verge of tears.

	"I've missed you so much," Wade said, with feeling, and Christian
looked down.

	"I'm sorry," Christian said.  "I explained some stuff in the
letter."

	"Are you breaking up with me?" Wade asked, point blank, ignoring
the thudding protest of his heart.

	 "No," Christian said quickly.  "I don't know.  Maybe.  Not
really."

	"Chris," Wade said, feeling panic course through his veins.  "It's
a yes or no question."

	"Read the letter."

	"This is so childish," Wade said, his jaw clenching and
unclenching.  "Either you are or you're not."

	"I'm not," Christian said.  "Just read the fucking letter.  After
you read it, after practice or whatever, call me.  I'll be at home, but
don't come over.  Just call me.  We need to talk.  Not kiss or make out or
go down on each other, just talk.  So call."

	Christian looked at him for a moment and Wade could read the desire
on his face, the need that Christian felt to wrap his arms around Wade the
way that Tiffany had done so easily only moments before and the knowledge
that he couldn't.

	And Christian turned and walked away.  This time, Wade watched with
a closer scrutiny, the lithe movement of Christian's long legs and slim
hips as he walked away.  Before Christian was even out of sight, Wade
peeled open the letter.

	Wade,

	I'm sorry you walked in on Mannie kissing me, but I was NOT kissing
him
	back no matter what you think!  Kiesha broke up with him, told him
about
	Reggie and he was real fucked up in the head about that.  He
apologized
	like a million times.  He had no idea about you and me except that
I had a
	crush on you for a long time.

	How could you even think I would cheat on you, ever?  You mean so
much
	to me, EVERYTHING!  I can't believe you hit him like that.  It was
crazy,
	Wade.  I am so scared of losing you and everything that we have,
but I am
	going insane.

	I can't be these two people.  You know, the Christian you see at
school who
	is fucking nobody to you and then the Christian you love away from
school.
	I keep ducking and turning the other way every time I see you in
the hall
	because I don't wanna see that empty look in your eyes like when we
are in
	class together.  It fucking HURTS so much, Wade, and I can't take
that kind
	of shit.

	I'm sorry because I thought I could or I would never have started
this back
	up again.  I love you like crazy, but I can't do this.  I know that
when I see
	you with Tiffany again, I will be destroyed because every part of
my heart
	feels like it belongs to you.

	So, I guess what I'm saying is all or nothing.  Can you love me in
front of
	everybody?  If not, if you're scared, tell me.  It will hurt, but I
need to do
	this.  It's better right now than when I am so deep in that I don't
even know
	who I am anymore.  If I get to that point, I'm lost.  Call me!

	Love,
	Chris

	Wade stared at the letter for endless moments before balling it
into his fist roughly. He felt tears prick the back of his eyes.

	"Fuck!"

	He stormed down the hall and into the gym locker room, his
frustration amplified about twenty times.  Jon was still there, sitting on
a bench in his practice uniform. He looked up at Wade and shook his head.

	"You look like shit," he said, smiling.  Wade grimaced and threw
the letter at him.  Jon barely dodged being hit on the head with the thing.
He picked it up and smoothed out the crinkled surface, scanning the
contents of the letter quickly.  When he was done, he whistled through his
teeth and looked up at Wade, still standing in front of him, vibrating with
some untamed emotion.

	"What are you gonna do?" Jon asked and Wade's shoulder slumped.

	"What do you think?" Wade asked.

	"I guess you're gonna be openly gay now, huh?" Jon said and Wade
simply stared at him, terrified.

				***

	Christian had chewed his thumbnail to the quick and he was
pretending to watch cartoons when the telephone rang.  He jumped and
reached for it, slowly stopping himself from grabbing it on its first ring.
After the second ring, he picked it up.

	"Hello."

	"Hi."

	Silence.  Christian cleared his throat.

	"Did you read my letter?" he asked.

	"Yeah."

	Silence.

	"I don't want to make you do anything," Christian said.

	"But you will," Wade responded.

	"It's not like that," Christian protested, then fell silent.  He
didn't know what to say, he couldn't assess Wade's mood.

	"What's it like then?" Wade asked, sarcastic and bitter at having
his choices taken away from him.

	"Do what you want, Wade," Christian said, willing himself not to
start bawling over the phone.  His control over his emotions was tenuous.

	"I want you," Wade said quietly.  "You know that.  You know I'll do
anything as long as I get to have you.  That's why you're doing this.  Have
you thought about what my father will say, Christian?  Did you think about
what they'll say about me at school?  Do you care about what this is gonna
do to me?  I might not be able to play football anymore.  Did you think
about any of this before you came up with your ultimatum?"

	The tears slid silently down Christian's face.  He did what he
could to suppress the sob that rose at the back of his throat.

	"What was that?" Wade asked, his voice becoming ragged.  "Are you
crying?  Are you?  I should be the one whose fucking crying."

	As his voice deteriorated, Christian slid the phone back on its
receiver quietly and collapsed against the sofa, shaking.  He covered his
face with his arms and began to sob in earnest, ignoring the phone when it
began to ring again.

	He tried not to think, silently willing his heart to slow down, the
unbearable pain to eek its way out of his chest.  He had been so sure that
writing the letter to Wade was the right thing to do.  They loved each
other.  They should be able to be together like any other couple.  It was
the hiding that had hurt them so much in the past.  It was hiding that had
ruined five years of their lives, but now he wasn't so sure.  What if he
lost Wade completely?  Would he be able to survive that kind of pain again?

	There was a quick and hard pounding at the door.  Christian sat
silently, still as a mouse.  The pounding renewed in quick bursts, then
became incessant and rougher.

	"Christian, I swear if you don't fucking let me in, I'll break this
door down," Wade's voice came through the door, rough and unsteady.
Christian sat up, debating as the pounding grew louder and more fierce.  He
hurried across the room and opened the door before it splintered.

	Wade pushed his way in, slamming the door closed behind him and
grabbing Christian in his arms.  He pulled him close, squeezing him so
tightly that Christian had to struggle to draw a breath.

	"I'm sorry," Christian wheezed at him.  "I'm so fucking sorry,
Wade.  I didn't mean it.  I don't wanna lose you.  I love you so much."

	"Shut up," Wade said.  "Shut up, you don't mean it.  You're right.
We shouldn't be hiding like this.  Every time I kiss her, I want to kill
myself.  I feel like I am killing us.  I'm such a fucking coward.  I should
be brave enough to do this on my own.  You shouldn't have to issue
ultimatums.  I shouldn't drive you to that."

	Christian let himself be held, then kissed gently as Wade pressed
his lips against Christian's neck.

	"I love you so much, Wade," Christian whispered.

	"I'll tell her on Saturday," Wade said and kissed him, long and
hard, reveling in the feel of their tongues playing.  This was what
mattered most, being in the arms of the man he loved more than anything,
more than life itself.