Date: Thu, 30 Sep 1999 03:01:33 GMT From: "Jason S." <jasons77@hotmail.com> Subject: We're In This Together: Chapter 1 -------------- **LEGAL SHIT** -------------- All usual disclaimers apply. If you are offended by erotic homosexual content, leave now. If you're under 18, you probably shouldn't read this story, but if you made it this far, reading this dumbass disclaimer won't stop you, so don't get caught, ok. If you are offended by erotic homosexual activities between teenagers, then what the hell are you doing here??? This story is property of the author. You may distribute this story as long as I'm given credit for writing it, the story is not at all changed, and you do not charge anyone a fee for reading it. Enjoy! Questions/comments/CONSTRUCTIVE criticisms are welcome at JasonS182@aol.com I will ignore flames, so find something better to do. We're In This Together: Chapter 1 --------------------------------- "Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away" I held the knife up to my throat again. But, just like before, I couldn't make myself do it, just because I was afraid that I would mess something up and I wouldn't die. I had been standing here with the knife since 1 am, raising it and lowering it for 3 hours. I once heard somewhere that if there's hesitation during suicide, then you don't really want to die. But what if the only thing that's stopping you is the fear of NOT dying. I'm sure I really did want to die. I was gay, as much as I hated it, as much as I tried to change it, I WAS gay and the only way to fix myself was to kill myself. And oh did I try. I tried everything imagineable. I got some Playboys...nothing. I snuck some straight porn videos into my room to watch...nothing. Hell, I'd even had sex with a couple of girls, but I had to think of naked guys just to have an orgasm. I couldn't stop it, so I needed to end it all. What the hell did I do to deserve this? I went to church every week, I was always nice to people, I tried so fucking hard to be the best person in the world and yet God still screwed me over. I knew that being gay was a sin, my father, a priest, was constantly telling me how all gay people would burn in hell. And I believed every word of it. I figured the only way to save myself was if I recognized my sin and took my life before my homosexuality could cause any more damage to humanity. "Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away" Taking a walk sometimes made me see things clearer. So I figured I'd go for a walk, then maybe I'd have the strength to kill myself, if you really call that strength. I lived in downtown Cleveland, so nobody would notice someone walking on the streets at night, they'd just figure I was another bum with no where to go. Which, to an extent was true. I didn't have anywhere to go with my problems. If I told someone I was gay, the wouldn't help me, they would hate me and I knew it. I roamed around for a while and just cried my eyes out the whole time. I got some weird looks from people, but I didn't care anymore. Let them think whatever they want, I just don't fucking care anymore. "Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away" I suppose I should tell you a bit about myself, even if I was going to be dead soon. My name is Richard Davis. I'm 15 and of course, I'm gay, the ultimate sin as far as I was concerned. I was about 5'7" about 140 pounds, with messy brown hair. I didn't really care about my appearance anymore, it didn't matter anymore anyway. Anyway, enough of that, like I said, I'd be dead soon anyhow so it didn't matter. I'd been walking for about an hour when I came to bridge that was really high up over a river. I thought maybe if I threw myslef off the bridge it'd be easier than the knife. With the knife I had to physically stab myself, but on the bridge all I had to do was lean back, and it would all be over. "Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away" I walked out into the middle of the bridge, right over the water. I slowly backed toward the edge. I was mere inches from plunging into the water when I looked around and spotted someone. Some sort of curiosity drove me to find out who the figure in the dark was. They were also near the edge of the bridge. As I got closer, I began to recognize the face a little. I was really suprised to realize that it was Adam Lesher, a boy from my school. He looked really upset, almost like he might jump. "Adam?" I called, feeling scared. "Richard! Leave me alone dammit!" came Adam's angry voice. "Can't you see I'm busy?" "Sorry," I said quietly, "I was just wondering what you're doing, You looked like you were about to jump." "Of course I was dipshit," Adam yelled at me. "It's the only choice I have left now!" This didn't make any sense. Adam was really popular, everybody wanted to be seen with him, and every girl in school wanted to sleep with him. I had to admit I thought he was pretty good looking. "What the hell do you have to be upset about?" I asked, now getting angry myself. "You don't have anything to complain about, you don't know how hard life can be!" Tears began to well up in my eyes as I began to edge towards to end of the bridge again. "It's none of your fucking buisness!" "No," I yelled, "I want to know why the hell you think you have to kill yourself. You're life is perfect! You might as well tell me, it looks like we'll both be dead in a couple minutes anyhow!" "Fine!" yelled Adam. "If you must know, I'm gay! There, happy? Now you can hate me just like all the other bigots out there!" I was supposed to hate him, wasn't I? Being gay is a sin, wasn't it? But I couldn't make myslef hate him, after all, he was in the same boat that I was. "Actually," I began, feeling unsure, "that's the reason I'm here too." "You're gay?" "Yeah," I said, "and I'm sick of it. I tried to change, but I can't. It's a sin, that's what my dad said, it's a..." "No!" Adam interrupted. "Don't ever say that! It's not a fucking sin! They're the bad ones, for hating people because of something like this! God doesn't give if shit if I'm gay or straight and as soon as I fall off this bridge, I'm going to heaven!" "Then why the hell are you gonna kill yourself if you don't think it's a sin?!?!" I asked. "Because I'm sick of all the hate in this world towards gay people," said Adam, as he started to sob. "Everybody just hates us, they never give us a chance. And I can't take it anymore!" He was actually making a little sense. I wanted to say that he was right, but I couldn't do it. I still had been brainwashed into thinking that homosexuality was a sin. We both sat there and sobbed for a while, I wished I would just get it over with, but I couldn't bring myself to kill myslef in front of Adam. "Are you still gonna jump?" asked Adam, still sniffling. "Yeah, of course," I said. "There's no reason left to live." I didn't know if I meant that or not, I wasn't sure of anything at this point. Adam paused. "Well then...ummm...if we're gonna be dead, could we just forget about religion and society for a minute?" I was confused. "What do you mean?" I asked. Adam paused as if thinking, then walked up to me and kissed me. I was caught totally off guard. My first reaction was of fear, that this was wrong. But then I decided that if I was gonna go to hell anyway, I might as well enjoy myslef. I actually started to enjoy the kiss. We held it for about a minute before Adam pulled away and walked back toward the edge. "Well I guess this is it," he said. "I enjoyed that Richard...but goodbye." "Yeah," I said. "Thank you Adam. Goodbye." I went back to the edge as well and the two of us stood there looking down, trying to muster the courage to lean off and end it. After about 5 minutes, Adam spoke. "Richard...ummm...how about we ummm...well...I won't jump if you won't jump." I looked up at him. "What does that mean?" Adam looked really nervous again. "Well...ummm...that kiss. I really...ummm...Richard, I think I love you." I almost fell off the bridge from the shock. Then I backed away from the edge, from death, and looked up at Adam with tears in my eyes. I wrapped my arms around him and we hugged each other, finding some comfort in each other. I whispered, "I think I love you too Adam." We were both crying our eyes out as we stood there on the bridge and kissed. I don't know how long we held the kiss, it could have been minutes, or hours, or days for all I cared. I felt safer and more loved than I ever had before. I didn't want the moment to end, but then a thought occured to me. "Adam, what now?" He paused and looked into my eyes "I don't know Richard...I don't know. But I do know that we'll make it through somehow, as long as we have each other." "I promise I'll always be there for you Adam," I said, once again starting to cry. I wondered how many tears I could possibly cry. "Me too baby," said Adam, wrapping his arms around me again. "I can't just bring a stranger into the apartment in the middle of the night," I said. "Especially not if I'm in love with him." Adam blushed a little bit as we both continued to cry. "My house isn't far from here. We can't go inside but maybe we can sit outside for awhile before you have to leave." "Alright," I said. I never wanted to leave him. About 20 minutes later we reached his house. It was pretty small, but much better than my crummy apartment. We sat down on the curb outside. Adam's face was red from crying so much, and I was sure that my face was too. We sat there holding hands for a few minutes before I broke the silence. "So I take it no one knows you're gay?" "Nope," said Adam, "Nobody but you." "Oh. Same here," I replied. "My parents hate gays so they won't be finding out anytime soon either." Adam looked concerned all of a sudden "Omigod that's right. You're dad's the priest guy. I'm so sorry Richard, that must really suck." "Yeah," I said, "But I just don't care about him anymore. He's never going to change so why bother trying?" I guess," Adam said. "But you're not alone, my parents hate gays too." "Probably from listening to my father...sorry about that." "No, they've always been like that so don't worry," Adam said with compassion in his voice. Then he turned more serious. "I don't know how this is gonna work Rich. I mean, I hate the idea if having to sneak around just to see the person I love." "We'll have to," I said, "but we'll make it work somehow. I'd rather barely see you than never see you." "Thanks," said Adam, "You don't know how much that means to me. Rich, I wanna just sit here and hold you all night." "Me too, but I have to go home eventually," I said with a frown. "I know." The conversation was becoming more and more strained. Don't get me wrong, the love was there, but there was some immense sexual tension building up between us. Hey, we were teenagers, what else could you expect? But we were out on the street so we couldn't do much other than hold hands and kiss each other now and then. And even holding Adam felt incredible, but still it pained me to want to make love to him and not be able to since there wasn't really anywhere private to go. "I gotta confess," I said to Adam, "I wanna do more than just hold you all night." Adam blushed. "You pervert," he said with a laugh. I laughed too. I couldn't remember the last time I had actually laughed. "Come to think of it," added Adam, "You're right. I'd like to do more than hold you too." "Someday," I said, "I hope." "I know," said Adam, kissing me again. Our lips parted and our tongues explored each other's mouths for a while. "Mmmm...Adam, we better slow down or I'm not gonna be able to stop," I said, smiling. Adam smiled back. I felt better than I had felt in a long time, since I realized I was gay two years ago. Then the fear came back. "Adam, I still feel like what we're doing is wrong...I know it's just because of everything my father said, but I can't stop thinking that this is a sin. It just won't go away." I began to cry again, I was sick of crying. Adam looked at me seriously. "Rich, please listen," he began. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with what we're doing. We're two people that are in love, and that is all that matters. The fact that we're both guys is totally irrelevent. Please believe me Rich, I don't want to lose you because of some ignorant homophobic bigots. And I don't want to offend you, but that's what your father is." I sighed. "I know, you're right about him. Thanks a lot Adam, you're really helping me. But I think it's gonna take me some time to totally get rid of everything he shoved into my head. But I will never leave you. I love you more than any religion." I was still crying. "Oh man, thank you Richard," Jon said as he began to cry again as well. "I'll never leave you either, I promise." We sobbed on each others shoulders for a while. Soon, we could see the first rays of light coming over the horizon. "Damn," I said, "I have to go before my parents wake up and wonder where I am. I don't want to go home, there's to much hate there." "I know how you feel. But I should get inside too," said Adam. "Rich, I need to thank you. You saved my life." "You did the same for me," I said. "If it wasn't for you I'd never be going home again. I don't want to leave you! When will we see each other again?" Adam thought. "Well...it's Saturday morning now...how about tonight, by the bridge again. I don't wanna wait until Monday at school to see you again." "Sounds good to me. I'll be thinking about you all day," I said. "Same here babe," said Adam. He pulled me close and kissed me one last time. I held him close for a while, I just didn't want to let go. But eventually, the time came and I had to go back home to the hate. We broke off the kiss and I slowly started down the street away from Adam's house. "I love you more than anything Adam," I called out to him. "I love you too Richard," he yelled back. And with that I turned away and started the walk back home. I couldn't look back at Adam becuase if I did I might not be able to make myself leave him. I felt weird inside. There was still a lingering fear that Adam and I being boyfriends was a sin. But that feeling was slowly starting to dissipate. Of course, who knows what going home to "dear old" dad could do to those feeling. I also felt an incredible sense of happiness. I had met the most incredible guy in the world, and he liked me! Not only was he good-looking, he was the sweetest, most caring guy I had ever met. But there was also the worrying. Worrying about how I could love Adam without the two of us getting caught and especially what would happen if we did. I tried not to think about it but I couldn't help it. What would happen with my friends, the other people at school...my family? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- End. I hope you liked this, I know it was a little different. And don't worry, there will be sex soon :) I'll try to have Chapter 2 done fairly soon, I'm not gonna set a deadline because I'd just miss it. This story was inspired by a Nine Inch Nails song that is also called "We're In This Together." The quote that was repeated at the beginning is from another NIN song, "Into The Void." The lyrics to "We're In This Together" are on my website at http://members.tripod.com/jasonstuff/ along with the rest of my stories. I'd love to hear what you thought of this story, my email is jasons182@aol.com.