Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2012 14:40:23 -0700
From: Becka King <becka.king253@gmail.com>
Subject: When loving gets hard Chapter 1

My cloudy grey eyes scaled the size of the building. I hadn't wanted to
leave the dorm since yesterday. I would eventually have to face him...one
of Hodswith collage's brightest prefect. A tall seemingly polite well
raised 14 year old boy named William Kensington. He always had this stupid
smile draped across his face like there wasn't a dark alley in the world
that he would be intimidate by.

Oh man did it get my jollies off when I got to see the look on his stupid
face, I could of almost wank myself from the feeling I got when his smug
smile was wiped clear of his stupid smug face. Well maybe I should start by
telling exactly why I didn't want to face him and my teacher but did at the
same time.

It was mid-way through our math class and I couldn't help but wish myself
into a coma because of the boredom I felt for that class. Of course knowing
my luck I was in a class full of boys who like to punch, kick, and wrestle.
So I didn't want to talk to anyone or even look in their general direct for
that matter but no, a giant plump ape like red head named Jimmy Marco just
loved to ruin my damn day just happened to be standing right in front of my
desk.

He wrinkled his nose at me and looked me up and down as I sat there doing
nothing but looking at my text book.

"Potter! What are you doing? Day dreaming about wanking yourself to sleep
while using your fingers to play with your arse?" His laugh got the
attention of the whole class.

Where was the teacher this whole time? Well he was off getting some papers
in the office he forgot. I'm sure that when he said `Potter' he was
referring to the boy wizard from the movies, I didn't look or act a thing
like him; where the hell did he get that!?

"We've been in school together for several years now, Marco." My gaze
lifted to meet his. "Shouldn't you at least now my name...and if you're
that dumb and can't grasp remembering word longer than 3 letters let me
remind you its Kent Jounes." A smirk appeared on my face as if I had out
smarted him, but I hadn't really said anything witty just something rude to
banter back at him, the smirk was just to show I thought I upped him by
one.

He took the bait but it didn't go as I expect, he glared and simply made a
"Tch" noise as he kicked my desk over causing me to fall with it. I sat
there in shock and then realized that the ape ripped my school slacks on
the calf area. I shuffled my way out of the chair. He was about 5'8 very
large for our age of 13 years young as my mum called it. I was only about
5'5, and not large in the slightest.

"You fucking sod! You ripped my pants!" I yelled causing an even bigger
scene. Most kids our age had just started using foul language so they
hadn't gotten used to it yet and they stared at me like I just told the
queen she was a huge wanker. Fuck me...was all that went through my head
not only was I going to get my face pounded but I was going to be the topic
of gossip with my foul mouth. An ugly crooked smile stretched on his face
as the words left my mouth. He grabbed my collar and glanced to the side
where his mates where laughing and cheering him on. I squinted knowing what
was coming; I just knew it was going to hurt much more than I was hoping.
He slung his arm back and just as quick as his arm went back it flew
forward connect with the left side of my chin causing me to stumble
backwards.

I opened my eyes using my hand to rub the soon to be bruise.

"The only thing your good for Marco is a left swinger." My glance met his
and his smile grew bigger. It hurt way more than my face let on, I just had
to hold back the tears that wanted to fill my eyes or it would give him and
his stupid mates a reason to bother me every day for the rest of the school
term.

"Look at little Jounes trying to act all big and tough in front of us!"
Marco laughed, he just wanted to taunt and make fun of me so I would cry in
front of him. Way to kick a man while he's down.

Marco stepped closing to grab my collar again but interrupted by our
teacher and everyone's favorite prefect William Kensington. Our teacher
Mr. Loftus stood between the two us, holding back Marco from doing any
further damage to my face.

"Marco and Jounes, what exactly are you two doing!?" Mr. Loftus's voice got
louder causing everyone in the class room to become startled. Kensington
put his hands on my shoulders looking at me face with concern.

"Are you ok..." He looked a bit embarrassed when he didn't know my name.

"Kent Jounes." I shrugged him off, but his eyes wouldn't let my gaze go.
His lips found their way across his face in a seemingly sweet smile. Why
was he smiling at me like that? I was just punched in the face and he's
smiling at me!

 "Jounes are you alright?" Mr. Loftus's voice shook me from my angry
thoughts of Kensington. I looked toward him as if I had no idea what he was
saying, I guess he took that as a no because he laid his hand on
Kensington's shoulder.

"Take the boy to the infirmary and make sure to keep the swelling down." He
instructed to Kensington.

Just like the good little dog he is he nodded; when his eyes met Marco's
eyes Kensington's eyebrows furrowed causing his gaze to become fierce.

"Mr. Loftus, I'm fine I just want to sit back down and forget about what
happened!!" I pleaded with my teacher, desperately not wanting to go to the
infirmary alone with Kensington.

"Not up for debate Jounes, get to the infirmary and don't come back until
your chin is properly looked at and I will deal with Marco." He didn't even
look back letting me know he was serious about me going to the infirmary. I
guess he figured with my small size I wouldn't be able to handle a punch
from someone the size of Marco.

He was right; I had been holding back the pain and tears from the hit. I
clenched my fist and annoyingly turned to the door not even looking at
Kensington. I walked out the door and didn't wait for Kensington, but not
to my surprise he was right behind me with that ridiculous smile across his
face.

"Jounes don't walk so fast, if a teacher gets you with out me you'll get an
ear full." He grabbed my shoulders again. What's with this arse does he
just think that he can talk to me like we're friends?

I turned around pushing his hands back; he looked at me with surprise as I
started to yell.

"Listen! Just because I was forced to go to the infirmary with you doesn't
mean want to be anywhere near you! I was just punched in the face for no
reason and you come in there with your stupid smile like you can fix
everything with a few nice words and a smile!" I yelled causing him to step
back, my voice cracking with each word.

"Well you can't fix anything! You didn't even know my name so stop smiling
at me and stop talking to me! I HATE YOU!" All the anger I had been holding
in was spilling out of me. He wasn't looking at me with anger or disgust,
his eyes where just watched me sympathetically.

"I'm sorry, Jounes I didn't mean to..." He attempted to say but didn't
finish. His eyes widened at me and his mouth closed. What was he looking at
me like that!? Then I realized that warm tears where overflowing out of my
eyes and rolling down my cheeks. I touched my cheek and pulled my hand to
look at my wet finger tips.

"Jounes..." He stepped closer; he used the sleeve of his blazer to wipe my
wet cheeks. He looked at me with eyes I've never seen before. His thumb
wiped the tear attempting to leave my eye.

"I'm sorry that you feel that way." He smiled again.

My eye twitched, He is in NO WAY sorry or he wouldn't smile at me with that
stupid face. I pushed him back and turned away, I started to walk off but
before turning the corner I turned to Kensington with a mean look.

"Queer!" Left my mouth, I didn't stay long enough to see his face and
walked off. I didn't go to the infirmary but back to my dorm. I laid there
trying not to cry but my feelings beat me and I cried for what seemed like
hours.

***********

I guess that would explain my feelings of not wanting to enter school after
that. I got in a fight, called the perfect prefect a queer, and then went
truant for the rest of the day.  My feet felt heavier than ever, but I
walked up the steps. I knew the minute I walked into the hall I would be
called into talk to Mr. Loftus, while accompanied by Kensington.

I walked into the hall that was filled with boy, just as I expected
Mr. Loftus caught my attention with a loud call of my name. I met his eyes
and he used a motion of his index finger to get me to walk over to him.

"Jounes, the nurse said you didn't show up at the infirmary and you didn't
show up to the rest of your classes." He said as I slowly walked over to
him. "Would you like to tell me exactly where you went?"

I didn't want to tell him that I ran to my dorm to cry myself to sleep so I
just stood there in silence as he lectured me.

"I'm sorry sir..." I mumbled hanging my head not wanting to look him in the
eyes.

He looked at me and as he opened his mouth to start the lecture again we
heard voice from afar.

"Mr. Loftus! Wait I'm sorry I forgot to tell you about yesterday!"
Kensington ran over panting from running. He stopped next to us and grasped
for breathe for a few moments before starting again. I just knew he was
going to tell about me crying and calling him a queer, so I closed my eyes
and waited for me to get the in deep trouble.

"Yesterday as we were walking I noticed that Jounes was becoming more
lethargic as we walked so I told him to rest in his dorm that I would get
his school work and the nurse to come to his room and make sure he wasn't
seriously injured!" He looked up at the teacher with the most sincere
smile.

He lied! For me!? Someone who said he hated him and called him a queer? All
I could do was stand there dumbfounded as the goody two-shoes Prefect
Kensington lied to the teachers face with no regret. He turned to me with a
smile and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry I forgot to send the nurse, but you did get all that school work
finished right?" He said softly.

I blinked for a moment trying to take in what just happened but then
realized that I had to respond before I got us both in deep trouble.

"Uhh Yeah, thanks for going out of your way for me..." I said trying not to
show that the words' leaving my mouth was hurting my pride. Damn him and
his stupid face...

The teacher looked at him and back to me. "Kensington, that was a very
irresponsible thing to do, you know that he has to check with the nurse
before going back to his dorm." Mr. Loftus began on Kensington. I bit my
bottom lip, why did he lie for me know he would probably get into trouble.
Just as I thought he was going to give us both massive cleaning duties I
looked up to see the teacher smiling.

"...But I will let it slide just this once because you went out of your way
to make sure you underclassman wasn't in serious harm, next time check with
the nurse first." Mr. Loftus patted the boy on the shoulder and turned
away. "I expect to see you in class on time, Jounes." With that he turned
and left leaving Kensington and I alone.

I shift my body a little further from Kensington; he was watching the
teacher leave with the same smile on his face. He looked back at me and his
smile dropped.

"It's all right, I know you hate me so don't worry you don't have to suffer
in my presence anymore..." He met my gaze and his eyes showed that he was
angry.

He turned and started down the hall to his first class. I wanted to say
something but I felt like I've done enough already and shouldn't throw salt
in his wounds so I watched as his figure disappeared. I began to walk to my
first class as well, I ruffled my brown locks. My hair was quite long for a
boy in my school, it fell right above my eyes part over my right eye.

***********

I didn't have very nice feature. My hair was wavy and dirt brown, my eyes
where a grey-ish color and I had slightly tan skin from spending my entire
summer in California, USA. I was short and very lean; you can probably tell
that I wasn't popular with girls. I had a girlfriend during the summer
though she was cute and didn't mind my looks.

Boys in our school sort of envied Kensington, myself included. He had short
blond hair that was always slicked back but had part of his bangs always
above his left eye, he was tall for his age and had slightly muscular. His
eyes probably the best part of himself. He had piercing emerald eyes that
shined in any lighting.

Of course no boy could hate him because he was so nice and well mannered.
Blekk, he just made me soo mad maybe because I was jealous of his
perfection but it felt like more than just that. Something else inside was
scratching at me when I was around him and it just made me feel so sick
around him. I always choked up and felt my stomach turning knots so I just
KNEW it had to be because I hated him.

My eye wondered the long corridor as I realized that it had been several
classes since the encounter with Kensington and Mr. Loftus. I entered the
lunch hall and let out a deep sigh, my eyes closed I hated my life at the
highest level. I had friends but it wasn't like they would stick up for me
if Marco decided to mess with me they would simply come to my aid after I
got beat up. My eyes scaled the room as I saw a few familiar faces, with my
hot meal I sat down.

"Where'd you get that bloody bruise on your chin?" The redhead Scottish boy
Keith Wallace announced to what seemed the whole long wooden table. I
looked at him as if he was a mad person.

"Clear off `em, Jounes' got a foul mouth and tends to shoot if off at any
altercation." The first friend I had who had long black hair had pulled
back into a ponytail, his name was

Austin Greene. He patted the seat next to him, signaling that it was ok to
sit next to him.

"Jimmy Marco, happened to my chin." I mumbled as I picked at my bread
roll. I took a piece off and began to eat it. I wasn't hungry so I just
picked at my meal. Greene looked in my direction and titled his head.

"If that's it, why do you look like someone shit in your shoes?" He leaned
closer to me, his deep brown eyes scaling my face. I suddenly realized how
close he was and swallowed and the food went down my air pipe causing me to
start to cough. Greene patted my back as I spit the food on my plate. I
looked at the mess I created in my plate and it made me so angry, why
couldn't I react to people in a normal matter.

This wasn't the first time I've gotten all choked up when other boys haven
gotten close to my face or acted strange towards me. There have been the
incidents with Kensington and many times with Green and several other boys
that I become friendly with. Why can't I act like a normal boy!? I don't
understand why I get choked up so easily...maybe I didn't like people to
get in my personal space but didn't want to be blunt about it and just tell
them to clear off.

I stood up pushing my chair back and trailed off, my hand still over my
mouth I rushed off to the bathroom. I entered the restroom and looked at my
self in the mirror.

"Are you going mad or what?" I turned the fosset on and cupped some cold
water in my hands; I splashed it against my face.

Still staring at my face I saw the door open in the corner of my eye. Just
my bloody luck it happened to be Kensington. He didn't even look at me; he
just made his way to the sink and began washing his hands. I looked at him
as she slowly scrubbed some kind of food off of them. Still he didn't
acknowledge my presence next to him. I didn't understand why it made me
angry that he ignored me, I wanted this...Right?

"Oi aren't you going to look at me or say something?" Escaped my mouth with
out my control. I wanted to rewind time and just walk out but my mouth had
made that impossible now. I stood there frozen as his blue eyes glanced at
me from the side. HE then looked back and didn't say anything. This guy
wanted me to just punch him right there, because he was making me so mad
that I began to get flustered.

"HEY! Don't ignore me, you fucking wanker!" There goes my mouth again doing
what ever it wanted.

He just continued with out looking this time. He then walked to the towel
rack and began drying his hands off. Was I invisible or something!? HE
walked to the door and I followed, he put his hand on the knob to open it
and leave but my body just reacted with out my brain. I used my hand to
shut the door midway through is attempt to open it.

"I'm talking to you! Don't act like I'm not here, because I am!" I ban to
raise my mouth he didn't turn to look at me he just stood there.

"Turn around you...you QUEER!" My brain so clouded by anger and these
feelings that I was saying what ever I could choke up.

Finally he turned around with a look I've never seen before, he looked down
and stepped closer, I backed up and until I hit the wall. He put his hands
on each side of me so I couldn't escape.

"You told me you hated me, you cried in front of me and then ran off." He
was almost whispering, but his face so close to me that I could even feel
his breath against my face.

"What exactly do you want me to say...You want me to be ok with you always
calling me names and then act like a nice guy around you?" His thumb grazed
my ear.

"You want me to smile and act like I can't feel the anger coming from
you!?" His voice began to get louder.

This was a side of him I've never seen, I looked away not sure what to do
or say. He slammed his fist against the wall causing me to jump.

"What exactly did I do to you!? I have only helped you so far and you hate
me for it!? You're the only boy in this whole school who can't look me in
the eye!? WHY!?" His voice cracked at the words escaped his mouth.

I winced, his word made sense why couldn't I stand him? I always said it
because he was a goody tow-shoes but I've never cared about that before. He
stood up straight as he saw I had no answer.

"That's what I thought..." He turned and left the bathroom with those last
words entering my head. I slid to the floor, I couldn't talk, I couldn't
get up and walk away, and I couldn't think; All I could do was began to
cry. The tears started falling harder then yesterday, they weren't angry
tears they were bitter. I hid my face in my arms and couldn't stop, his
words made me so...so...so confused.


Loveless: Thanks for reading~ This took me a few days and I should update
in a few days! Any feedback or comments are welcome; you can massage me on
her or email me at Becka.King253@Gmail.com I will try my best to reply to
each comment. THANK YOU~!