Date: Thu, 22 Jun 2006 18:22:58 -0700
From: Dean <adsherrill@msn.com>
Subject: When Nothing Goes Right, Chapter 4 gay/highschool section
Disclaimer- this story involves the love of two males so if this offends u
then don't read. This story is totally fiction and not meant to reflect on
anyone. And all the usual stuff applies lol.
Author's Note- Hey you guys this is my first attempt at a gay themed story,
so bare with me and send feed back, tell me if I suck or if I'm any good,
this will be a short story with about 12 maybe more chapters, so I hope u
guys enjoy.
*******************************************************************************
When Nothing Goes Right
Chapter 4
"Wait a minute your son's a fa....one of those people" my dad said
with a glare from my and Zander's mom
"George!" my mom smacked my dad's arm.
"I see the apple doesn't fall too far from the homophobic tree, you
bastard!" Zander's mom shrieked.
"Excuse me....." My dad started but was cut off by my mom.
"Look there's no need for that, I guarantee you that none of us have a
problem with gay people. Right George?" my mom said sternly looking over
at my dad.
"Oh, um right....or course, no problem at all." My dad said.
It was sometimes funny how whipped my mom had my dad. She
could make him do anything she wanted, but she never abused that ability
because she loved him soo much.
"Oh yeah right, I can see you lying through your teeth." Zander's
mom said disgusted.
"My son isn't someone who creates hate, if you would just listen you
would see that this is all just a simple misunderstanding, I assure you." My
mom said frustrated but still calm.
I had been silent the whole time as I listened to them go back and
forth and it wasn't getting anywhere. All of a sudden it was just too much
for me and I couldn't take it anymore. I suddenly felt the need to speak up.
"STOP IT!!! Just stop. I can't take this, any of this. Do you guys
know what it feels like to be me? The topic of everyone's conversation when
you pass by them. To see them give you strange and weird looks. To have
hundreds of different rumors spread about you because you don't socially fit
in. To be soo alone as you watch groups of friends have fun with each other
and talk about what a great weekend they had together. To have to keep
everything in to yourself so that they don't know how much they hurt you.
To try to be strong when really you're just a weak, emotional wreck. None
of you guys know what my life is like. I had to live it everyday for the last
four years, and it never gets better. So please, just stop arguing about me." I
shouted to them, tears streaming down my face.
They all stared at me silently, none of them speaking. I think they
were all in shock of my sudden outburst. I was sort of shocked too, that I had
said all of those things to my parents and Zander's Mom and anyone else
who happened to be sitting in the waiting room.
I looked around at the other people sitting in there giving me blank
stares, I turned to the lady who helped us behind the desk and she was giving
me a sympathetic look with her hand on her chest. I quickly wiped my tears,
suddenly feeling very self conscious about letting all my emotions come out
like that in front of all these people. I took a deep breathe and got my
emotions under control.
"Listen, I really am sorry, I have nothing against gay people. I really
don't. I have no excuse for what I did to your son. I'm just sort of the one
everyone talks about, I've gone through so much and your son just sort of hit
the last nerve. But I really do want to apologize because I should have
controlled my temper. I'm very sorry to you too, for putting you through
this." I said to Zander's mom with tears threatening to fall from my eyes
again.
My mom managed to find her voice again. "My son has been going
through a lot of issues at school that we truly weren't aware of until earlier
today, we didn't even realize how bad it was until right now, but apparently
he's been keeping this to himself and it's been building up. Something that I
know is really unhealthy. We just hope you understand that he is really
sorry. Whatever we can do for you and your son we'll be more than happy to
do."
"Yeah, I'll do anything." I said wiping my falling tears again.
Zander's mom looked at me, her face sort of softening. She was still
shocked by my outburst but looked like she had a sudden realization.
"Yes, of course, I had no idea.....but I understand what you're going
through. I treat many of my patients with the same problem. I'm a
psychiatrist. You probably should look into getting one. You need to see
one." She said matter-of-factly.
"Hold on my son doesn't need no shrink....." my dad started.
"WE will get him one," my mom said cutting my dad off, giving him
a mean stare, "and we will pay for the hospital bills, just send it to us."
"I'm probably going to regret this but I'll do it." Zander's mom said
going through her purse to dig out her card. "I have a home office, come see
me on Monday and we'll setup up everything then." She gave me the card.
"Okay," I said not too happy to have to see a shrink. "Umm, do you
think it would be okay if I went in to see Zander? I really want to tell him
that I apologize." I said to her.
"I don't think that would be a good idea right now. He's scared of
you, I think, and he needs his rest. He has to stay in the hospital for a week,
but I'll talk to him and maybe later on you can give him your apology." She
said to me. "I need to talk to my husband too."
"Oh....um...okay." I said, and then looked towards my mom. It made
me feel worse that he could be scared of me, but at the same time not
believable because Zander didn't seemed to be afraid of anything.
"Well we should get going then. He'll be there early on Monday since
he's been suspended for two weeks." My mother said grabbing my dad by
the arm and to start walking to the entrance doors. "It was nice to meet you;
sorry it had to be under such bad circumstances."
"Come on, Joel" my dad called to me as they headed out the door.
"Okay, I'm coming." I said to him and then turned to Zander's mom.
"Just tell him, for me, that I didn't mean it, and that I'm really sorry. I think
he's going through a bad time too. He probably didn't mean to make my life
more difficult. I can understand that now. I just really hope he forgives me."
"Are the two of you friends?" She asked curiously.
"No ma'am, I don't have any." I told her
"Well, why does his forgiveness mean so much to you?" she asked
"I...I.....don't know." I told her, feeling myself go red. I turned
around to head out after my parents.
"Okay, well I'll tell him." She said.
She still seemed to be regarding me cautious as if she wasn't sure to
trust me or not, but at least she was giving me a chance. What she asked me
though had me really thinking. Why did Zander's forgiveness me soo much
to me? I hope that talking to Zander's mom wouldn't bring up other issues
that I'm trying to keep suppressed in regards to her son.
*************************************************************
I had been grounded for the weekend, well pretty much the whole two
weeks. I would have to stay in my room only coming out for the bathroom
and to eat. I wasn't allowed to drive anywhere either cause my keys were
taken from me. It wasn't that big of a deal to me because it wasn't like I had
a social life anyway.
On Monday my mom dropped me off at Zander's house to see his
mom. I was nervous as hell about what we would have to talk about. By now
you should know that I wasn't big into opening up for anybody, because I
wasn't comfortable being around people, let alone telling them how I feel
and my thoughts.
When we pulled up to the house, I was a little shocked. The house was
really big. In fact all the houses in this area were humongous. I hadn't been
paying attention because I was thinking to myself.
It was safe to say that Zander was rich. I mean I wasn't poor or
anything, but his three-story house definitely made my one-story house look
like a shack.
We walked up to the gate and pushed the call button. A woman's
voice answered.
"Yes?"
"Hello, just dropping my son off to you." My mom said through the
intercom.
"Okay, go ahead and walk to the side of the house. That's where my
office is located; it's not hard to miss." Zander's mom said as the gate
suddenly groaned open allowing us access.
"Ma, I'm okay now, I can go in by myself."
"What? I just want to make sure everything's okay." She told me.
"Don't worry ma, I'm fine." I said a little annoyed.
"Okay, okay, call when you need me to come pick you up." She said
leaning up to give me a kiss on the cheek and a hug, then walked back to the
car. "I love you, honey"
"I love too, ma" I said as I watched her drive away.
I turned around to face the house. I had this sudden feeling of
impending doom.
"Might as well get this over with." I said to myself.
I walked up the long drive way until I reached the front of the house. I
then followed the little walk way that led to the side of the house and ended
at a door. I knew I was at the right place because there was a sign next to it
that read:
Dr. Janet Daniels
Psychiatrist Office
I opened the door and came into a small room that looked sort of like
a waiting room with a few chairs and a coffee table in middle with a few
magazines on top of it. There was another door on the other side of the room
which opened. Zander's mom was standing on the other side of it.
"Come on in." she said looking at me with no expression on her face.
I was feeling more than a little nervous now. If I didn't feel
comfortable with teens my own age, how was I gonna talk to an adult.
I walked into the next room which looked to be her office. There was
a desk cluttered with different things. A book shelf behind the desk and two
other ones on the sides of the room filled with many books. There was a
couch off to the side and a chair sitting next to it.
"Nice office." I told her, looking around the room.
"Yeah, I had these two rooms redone, and the side door installed for
my work, so that I can be closer to my son. Take a seat." She said pointing
to the couch.
I sat down and she took a seat in the nearby chair. She took out a pen
and put it to her clipboard as if ready to write something down. She then
looked at me, more like studying me it seemed. I looked back at her
nervously, not really knowing what was happening or if I was supposed to
say anything. After a few minutes of the uncomfortable staring back and
forth at each other, I couldn't take it anymore so I looked down at my hands.
"Well, you're here because obviously you have some issues you need
to work through and I'm here to help work through them. So tell me, what
seems to be the problem." She spoke.
"Umm..... I ..... I don't know." I said.
"Well, why don't we start with your family. How well do they treat
you?" she asked me
"Great, they are the best parents one could ask for." I said, some of
the tension easing just a little.
"So then tell me about school, you mentioned not having any friends.
Why is that? She asked, writing notes on her clipboard.
"Umm I don't know. I just was never good at making them I guess." I
said.
"You seem athletic. Are you in any sports?" She curiously asked me.
"Yeah I do a lot of different sports, been on many of the school's
teams." I replied.
"So I wouldn't think making friends would be difficult for you, being
on so many teams, wouldn't that make you a little popular? I mean did you
at least try to make friends?" she asked surprised.
".....No....actually I sort of feel uncomfortable being around a lot of
people, so I mostly just stick to myself." I said feeling myself turning a little
red and looking at my thumbs to avoid her gaze.
"I see, so did people ever try to become friends with you?" she asked
me. I could feel her eyes on me.
"Yes, but I turned them all down. I'm not good at being friends with
people. Pretty soon people would start spreading rumors about me, making
fun of me and it made me even more scared to talk to people." I said taking a
look at her to see her frowning.
"I see," she said looking down to take more notes, "so tell me how all
this made you feel. I want to know everything that led up to you being
expelled."
"Oh...um...okay." I said, thinking of a good place to start.
I began to tell her all about my first year of high school and the
emotions that I went through. She listened to me, while I talked and only
speaking to ask a few questions. Surprisingly, it felt good to get all my
feelings out.
"Well that's about all the time we have for today, but I want to take
advantage of the time you have off, so let's say....every other day same time
while you're out of school." She said, her tone with me was softer and less
impersonal. She had a little more sympathy for me now after hearing a little
of my high school life.
That sympathy grew and grew as the week went on. I had met her on
Wednesday and Friday telling all about what I went through at school. I
grew more comfortable talking to her too. She had warmed up to me a lot.
After that first session was over I had found out that Zander's dad was
in the process of repainting some rooms and doing a little construction work
to the house by himself. I guess he was really good at stuff like that because
he was the one who redone the part of the house that was Mrs. Daniels
office, so that it was separate from the house. I decided that I wanted to help
him out in anyway I could. At first he wouldn't let me, but his wife
convinced him that I wasn't some badass kid, and before you know it I was
over there every single day painting and doing little things to help him out
for the entire week.
So between the sessions with Mrs. Daniels and the house work with
Mr. Daniels, I was kept pretty busy. It felt good to help out, I just felt like I
needed to help after what I had done to their son. Eventually Mr. Daniels
warmed up to me too, after trying to prove myself to him with the work I did
for him.
*************************************************************
Over the weekend I just stayed home and thought about Mr. and Mrs.
Daniels. Besides my parents, they were the only other people I felt
comfortable around. Mr. Daniels was a playful kind of guy, always joking.
He was like a big kid, while Mrs. Daniels was the complete opposite. She
seemed always serious but at the same time I felt I could tell her anything,
like my feelings and stuff like that, well almost.
The subject of her son and how I feel about him never came up, I
didn't even know how I felt yet. I did ask how his progress was doing every
once in awhile. They told me they were running test for the side effects of
the brain damage he might have had. But so far he seemed fine. And he
would be home soon.
On the Monday of my second week of suspension, we were at the
close of my session. I walked with Mrs. Daniels out the side door that she
locked and then went around to the front of the house to enter. We went
inside and up the stairs. I was getting ready to help Mr. Daniels with the
house work again. When were reach the hallway Mrs. Daniels stopped me.
"You're coming along fine. I just wanted to tell you that you seem
like a great person. You have a wonderful personality. I mean just in a
week's time, you manage to change me and my husband's opinion of you.
You are a great person. You just need to realize it and show it to others.
Don't be scared to make friends. It's great to have people, who you can talk
to about stuff, who are your own age. Just have confidence in yourself." She
said to me giving me a strong hug.
"Thanks Doc." I said returning the hug, trying to fight back a few
tears, "it really means a lot to me, what you just said."
"Well its true so don't forget it. Don't let anyone tell you you're
worthless or weird. You're just you." She said with a smile, patting me on
the shoulder.
"Zander's really lucky to have great parents like you guys." I told her
smiling back.
"Speaking of Zander, he's home now, so if you still feel the need to
give him that apology you can go ahead and give it to him, though now that I
know what really happened I think he owes you one too." She said giving
me a pat on the back and leaving off somewhere in the house.
I stood there for awhile, suddenly feeling scared and uncomfortable
with butterflies soaring through my stomach. He's here.... Back? What am I
going to say when I see him? I wasn't expecting at all to confront Zander
today, I wasn't prepared. I took a moment to calm my nerves and prepare
myself. I reminded myself of what Mrs. Daniels just said about me, raising
my self-esteem. I gathered up all my courage and started down the hall.
When I reached the end of it to turn the corner I came face to face
with none other than Zander himself. He was leaned up against wall as if
waiting for it to be safe to walk through the hall. Those blue eyes stared into
mine and I literally lost my breath and my heart was beating so fast that I
thought I could hear it echoing all through this big house. After a moment of
surprise, those blue eyes turned cold.
"Hey Zander, I thought that maybe we could start new, I'm sorry
about what happen. I thought that maybe we could be friends?" I asked him
a little nervous of the mean smirk he seemed to be giving me.
"You might have my parents fooled, but you don't have me. I know
what you are, and a great person, as my mom just put it, definitely isn't it. I
still say you aren't worth the air you breathe, you son-of-a-bitch." He
snapped and then walked past me to his room and slammed the door.
That completely zapped away any of the confidence in myself I had
been feeling. I went back inside myself knowing what Mrs. Daniels told me
before was completely wrong. I was worthless, I am nothing. I can never
make friends, because all I have is me. That's all I can trust.
*************************************************************
I'm so sorry about how late this chapter was in coming out. I hope I
didn't lose what little audience I had. Please please please send me
feedback so I know if u guys are still interested in following my story, If
it seems boring now I promise that it will get better in the chapters to
come. There is more to come so hopefully u'll still be here to see it all.
Send mail to adsherrill@msn.com thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!