Date: Sat, 25 Jan 2003 17:18:18 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff B <snshadow@yahoo.com>
Subject: Why oh Why

This story is about two highschool teenagers.


Why oh Why
Chapter one

Josh quietly walked through the dim lights of the
hospital hallway, and resisted the urge to turn around
and run.  Hospitals had always given him strange
feelings, a feeling of panic and general discomfort
but he forced himself to keep his pace, one slow step
after another.  Maybe he was scared because people
died in hospitals. He didn't understand how his mom
could work as a doctor in such a place. Josh expected
nothing but the worst. But how could he not?

His memory flashed to a few hours before as he
continued to wander around.  The screams that echoed
through the neighborhood and the two soft "pops" that
followed from the house across the street from his. A
man running out the front door and down the street.
Then silence.  Soon the silence was broken with the
loud whines of the sirens from the multiple emergency
vehicles that raced down the street and stopped in
front of his house. No not his, the one across the
way.  Josh's chest began to pound as soon as the first
of the police cruisers arrived and he flew out of his
bedroom and down the stairs almost falling down them,
while missing steps.  He reached the front door and
swung it open with such force that could have ripped
it from its hinges had be been bigger.

Josh remembered standing on the porch with his mouth
hanging open, for a few moments before running across
the street and then being stopped by a police officer.
His father, Daren, at first he didn't recognize his
dad due to his panic and as he tried to get free his
dad grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Josh! It's me! Son get back! its not safe to be
here!" Josh tried to escape his father's grasp once
more then stopped.

"What do you mean not safe?" Josh yelled with tears
that began to seep out of his eyes,

"What's wrong? Tell me please!" But his father didn't
give any answers, and didn't need too. He looked over
to the front door as an ambulance crew began entering
the house. One of the men carried a body bag.

"NOOOO, please God no, I'm sorry! Please, God I'm
sorry." Josh crumbled against his father and began to
sob heavily. Daren held Josh tightly and walked him
back across the street and into their home and sat
Josh on the couch.

"Josh I can't tell you what happened yet, I don't have
the full story just please stay in here, don't come
out. Something very bad has happened and well... I
just don't know. Don't come outside until I tell you
too. "Daren hugged Josh once then walked back out the
front door and back into the scene, by now another
ambulance had arrived along with more police cruisers.
Josh looked out the window trying to see something,
trying to see anything that would give him a clue to
what had transpired.

`What happened? Come on please someone tell me' Josh
thought to himself as his heart pounded faster.  He
felt sick to his stomach, and began to shake
violently. `What have I done? Oh God! What have I
done...' Josh began to pace back and forth and his
emotions began to take a hold of him. He felt guilty
for not listening.  Not listening to the person that
meant the most to him.  The person, that until an
argument earlier today, he would have spent the rest
of his life with.

"Why didn't I listen to you, Jeremy? This is all my
fault." His sobs grew louder and heavier as he was
racked with self-guilt.  He felt at fault because it
was a stupid argument that had led to the breakup
between him and his boyfriend Jeremy.   The argument
now seemed so trivial so unimportant yet at the time,
to Josh it seemed justified.  But as Josh continued to
look out the window he thought that nothing could
justify the end that he was watching unfold before his
eyes.  Just as he was about to let out another volley
of emotion and tears the phone rang, for a moment he
just stared at it, not caring who would be attempting
to call during this moment of his life. He didn't
care.  But the phone kept ringing and he finally
gathered himself up and walked over and picked up the
receiver.

"H--He--Hello?" he asked with a shaky voice as he
tried to control himself.

"Josh is that you?" came the reply. His head was
spinning he really didn't want to be talking to anyone
right now; he wanted to be at the window. "Josh it's
me. It's mom are you okay?" The soft voice of concern
continued.

"Okay?" Josh was stunned and really couldn't gather
his thoughts to say what he really meant.

"Your dad called me and told me what's going on over
there, did you see anything, have you spoken to
Jeremy? Do you know what happened?"

Josh began crying again he couldn't hold it back any
longer. Tears began to sting his eyes as they poured
down his cheeks. "I don't know what happened, me and
Jeremy had a fight, I don't know what happened, and
I'm so scared." He scooted against the wall and
slipped down to the floor were he sat with the phone
still pressed to his ear, "I didn't mean to get mad at
him, I should have listened, I hurt him, and I'm so
sorry."

"Josh? What happened? Why did you fight?" Josh didn't
answer he continued to cry. "Don't go anywhere, I'm
going to call your father and have him bring you here
to the hospital, were you will be safe until things
calm down. Josh do not leave that house, do you
understand me? DO NOT leave the house!"

"O--Okay" He managed to murmur his mom said good bye
and he clicked the receiver back onto the base and
slowly wandered over to the window.  His view was
blocked. Time passed by slowly and he sat on the
windowsill of the big bay window that took up a good
portion of the family living room and just silently
watched.  Daren came through the front door in a
little while and stood next to Josh.

"Your mom called me a few minutes ago, she wants me to
take you to the hospital, I've already told her what I
know and I will let her tell you what went on, I can't
tell you right now because I don't want to worry you
until we are away from... well, away from this." Josh
just nodded at his dad and followed him out. He
climbed into the front seat of the police cruiser. As
his dad got inside, he looked out the window at all
the flashing lights as they bounced off the
neighboring houses, still feeling guilty and greatly
saddened, he softy cried to himself as his father
drove him away.

So there he stood. In the hallway of the hospital
waiting for his mom to meet him, he had learned that
she was working directly with what happened and hoped
that she could tell him what happened.  His uneasiness
continued to grow as he sat on a hard plastic waiting
room chair, and his memories had drifted once again,
he began to think of Jeremy and the argument and how
the first met. He briefly smiled at that memory as his
mind wandered.

Josh met Jeremy at school; they both had bumped into
each other quite literally.  Josh, a junior, 16 years
old about 5' 10" with light brown hair and emerald
green eyes had been wandering to one of his classes,
his thoughts taking up most of his mind and he didn't
see where he was going and bumped into a kid nearly
running him over.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry, I wasn't watching where I was
going." He said looking down at his victim.

"Um... It's okay. No harm no foul, I'm alright." The
boy replied.  Josh smiled at him and held out an arm
to help him back to his feet.  When he stood up Josh
couldn't stop staring. He had known for a long while
that he liked guys but he didn't let that little fact
slip out to the public.  He looked at the guy who must
have been at least a year younger with dark brown hair
and deep blue eyes, and had a really cute baby face.
He looked to be about 5' 8" but couldn't tell right
away because the kid was dusting himself off.

"You're sure?" Josh said, as he looked him over again.

"Yeah I'm sure." He looked at a map of the school and
frowned. "Now If I can just figure out were I'm
going."

"Where are you going?"

"AP history with um..." he looked down at the schedule
"Grissom."

Josh almost stopped breathing when he heard that
`Omigod!' He remembered to breathe again and replied,
"Um, that's my next class; I can show you if you want,
by the way my name is Josh."

"Pleased to meetcha Josh, I'm Jeremy and sure you can
show me if you want. Either way I'm going to follow
you." Jeremy grinned at him and Josh felt like falling
over. He almost grinned back but held it back and
started walking with Jeremy still looking at his map
as he walked beside him.

"So... are you new here? I don't think I've seen you
before." Josh looked over at him as Jeremy looked up
into his eyes.

"Eh, yeah. Actually I just transferred from the junior
high." Jeremy looked back down at his schedule.

"Transferred?" Josh asked, and then thought well that
could explain why he looks a little young.

"Yeah, apparently I was too smart for them or something
so they told me to come here, so I did, and here I
am."

"Well cool, how old are you?" Jeremy chuckled and
looked at Josh again.

"What is this, 20 questions?"

"Oh no, I'm sorry I um..." Josh looked for words,
something that wouldn't alienate him from his new
"friend"

"Heh, its okay. If you must know I just turned 14."
Jeremy smiled up at him as they walked through the
door to the classroom. He looked around the room
trying to spot a new place to sit as an older voice
boomed across the room.

"Ah Josh, I see you actually managed to find my room
before the bell rang, I'm impressed." Mr. Grissom
looked at Josh, which make Josh's cheeks turn a bright
red. "And who is this you have brought with you?"

Josh quickly collected himself "Oh, uh this is Jeremy,
he just transferred."

"Oh yes, now I remember, Jeremy Astor, I believe there
is a seat next to Josh that is empty, hopefully you
won't be as disruptive as its previous occupant was."
Mr. Grissom looked back towards the papers he was
looking at. Josh went to his seat and pointed out to
Jeremy the one he was to occupy.

"All right now, everyone settle down." Mr. Grissom
said as the bell rang. Josh turned his attention to
the front and tried to pay attention.  And soon found
his head filled with other thoughts.  His mind
struggled to push away those thoughts and pay
attention because Grissom was known to give detention
to daydreamers.  Yet he kept thinking about the guy
who sat beside him, something inside him yearned to
learn more about him.

He let out a small sigh as he stared at the front;
Jeremy briefly glanced at him a few times until the
end of class.  Josh was so wrapped up in his thoughts
that he didn't hear the bell ring signaling the end of
class.  He let his thoughts dance in his mind until a
gentle tap on his shoulder interrupted them.

"Hellooooo... earth to Josh." Jeremy stood next to him
carrying his bag over his shoulder, looking down with
a perplexed look on his face.

"Are you alright dude?" Josh jumped at the question
and looked up into Jeremy's gaze.

"Um yeah... fine." He stammered as he got up from his
seat and started putting things away into his
backpack.

"You sure man? You look kind of spaced. You haven't
been doing any wacky tabacky have ya?" Jeremy grinned
at Josh, and began to blush. He finished throwing his
history gear into his bag and looked at Jeremy.

"No, nothing like that I just have some things on my
mind I guess." Josh threw his bag over his shoulder
and began to head out of the classroom.

"Alright I can understand that." Jeremy stopped and
pulled out his schedule and map again and began
looking for his next class, Josh looked down at the
paper work and smirked a little.

"The room you're looking for is at the end of the hall
and to the left, just watch out Mrs. Brown has got
eyes in the back of her head."  Josh said as he
stopped, at his locker and began fumbling with the
combination.

"Thanks a lot man." Jeremy smiled and walked away;
Josh couldn't help but keep looking back as he got
further away.

"What's wrong with you?" Asked, a familiar voice
behind him. Josh turned and smiled a little when he
saw Tyler, his friend since the second grade coming
toward him.

"What do you mean?" Josh didn't look at Tyler when he
asked but instead continued rummaging through his
locker appearing to be looking for something.

"You just look kind of spaced out today that's all."
Tyler shrugged and quickly glanced around the hallway
as Josh pulled out a book and shut his locker door.

"I'm fine." Josh replied with a hint of annoyance. Was
everyone going to comment on his facial expressions
today? Could he really be so wrapped up in Jeremy that
it was too much to hide?  `Great' he thought to
himself. He let out a small sigh as he walked with
Tyler to their next class.  As he walked through the
halls he continued to think about Jeremy though, what
was it about him that was making his head spin the way
it was?  He never had experienced that feeling before
and was uncertain what it meant.

"Love."  Josh said to himself in a whisper as he
shifted in his chair.  He looked around at his dim
surroundings again.  A few nurses rounded a corner and
passed by him as he sat waiting for his mom in the
sterile environment of the hospital waiting room.  It
wasn't the main waiting room that other people had to
use; it was a small enclosure inside the hospital
close to the emergency room where his mom worked.

He was grateful that his mom was a doctor so he
usually didn't have to spend a long time waiting to be
looked at when something was wrong.  Of course with
his mom being a doctor, he usually didn't get sick,
and mother dearest made sure that he didn't do
anything that would cause him to break an arm.  Josh
was sure that if he did manage to break an arm his mom
would threaten to break a leg to go along with it.
Josh stood up and paced, his back ached a little from
sitting on an uncomfortable chair with no padding.
After looking at the time he realized why he ached so
much.  An hour had pased since his father dropped him
off. An hour had passed and he still hadn't gotten to
see his mother much less get any information from her.

Josh continued to pace as he began to worry about
Jeremy again, he had also placed bets that his mom
knew exactly what had happened and his mother didn't
want to be the one to tell him what that something
was. As he paced his worry only got worse until he
softly started to cry again because of the feelings of
guilt over the argument and the pain of not knowing
what was going on.

"Oh Jeremy I'm so sorry. Please be all right I love
you, please don't leave me."  Josh sat back in the
chair, covered his face with his hands and softly
sobbed feeling totally alone with no one to comfort
him. He cried until he couldn't cry another tear and
fell asleep exhausted.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Well there it is, this is my first story so don't go
throwing things just yet :) I just want to thank a
couple of people at nifty ( you know who you are ) for
giving me the confidence I needed to get this posted,
oh and of course Mandy who believes I can do anything
:)