Date: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 19:14:44 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jeff B <snshadow@yahoo.com>
Subject: Why oh Why Chapter 4

Disclaimer: This story is intended for people of age
18 (or 21 depending on where you live.) This story is
about love between two gay male teenagers if this isnt
your cup of tea dont read it :)

Legal stuff: If you want to copy this story and/or put
it on your page please email me first, because if i
find it someplace without my permission, I'll... I'll
Well I'll think of something! :-)

Why oh Why
Chapter four


	Cathleen had made the time, at Ben's dismay, to practice as a group
at Josh's house.  Sometimes, Ben and Tyler even came over to watch. Josh
had even managed to teach the both of them some of the moves, even though
Tyler's attempts at back flips had mixed results and a broken lamp. Josh's
mother wasn't really happy with that result, but allowed them to continue.

	"Has anyone seen Jeremy today?" Josh asked setting his backpack
down as he sat at the usual table the group met when in the cafeteria.

	Cathleen and Ben gave each other looks, and Tyler just shrugged his
shoulders as Josh frowned.

	"I haven't seen him all day. He didn't walk to school this morning,
nor was he in history this morning." Josh explained with a small hint of
concern spreading over his face.

	"He's probably sick or something," Cathleen offered with a shrug.
"It happens."

	Josh pondered this for a moment and his look of concern turned to
something more kin to revolt.  The other three at the table picked this up
immediately and began to study Josh's facial expressions with concern as
well.

	"I'm not so sure..." Josh ventured after a moment of silence. He
pondered his thoughts for a moment then explained what had happened the day
Jeremy's dad had decided to pay a visit.  His first thought was to keep
that information secret, as Jeremy had asked him too.  But with this
disappearance, even though it may mean nothing, Josh thought it would be
better if they knew.

	That Friday afternoon turned into evening.  School let out hours
earlier yet still no Jeremy. Josh had called his house, knocked on his
door, no answer, not even a sign of life.  Friday evening had passed, and
Saturday morning came and went as well, still no word.  Saturday passed,
and so did Sunday, nothing but silence.

	Monday morning arrived to soon for Josh's tastes as he slammed his
hand on his alarm clock and opened his sleep filled eyes.  The room spun
for a moment but he shook it off.  He showered, and dressed for school and
flew down the stairs, backpack in hand as he entered the kitchen.

	"Morning dear," his mother chimed as she poured herself another cup
of coffee.  Josh just offered a muffled reply as he sat down at the table
and attempted to wake himself up.

	His mother frowned at him for a moment and stood next to him and
looked down. "You don't look so good."  She felt his forehead for signs of
fever but he shook it off.

	"Just a little tired, I guess." He softy replied.  He did tell the
truth, he had spent most of the night awake, tossing in bed worrying about
Jeremy.

	"Are you sure?"

	"Yeah, I'm sure."  He thought for a moment then looked at his
mother.  "Have you talked to Jeremy's mom the last few days?"

	She looked thoughtful for a few moments, most likely trying to
figure out what today was, long shifts did that to her sometimes.
 She nodded once as she recalled, "Yeah I did.  On Thursday, she told me
she and Jeremy were going away for a while. Why is something wrong?"

	"No," Josh said as he shook his head.  "Jeremy just didn't tell me
about it or anything so I was starting to worry."

	His mother just smiled at him and patted him on the shoulder.  "I'm
sure they are fine dear."

	"I know, but..." Josh finished his reply with a sigh which made his
mother wonder.

	She leaned against the counter and studied her son, to her he
looked bewildered. His face, now masked with a look of worry betrayed him.
She thought to herself for a moment, knowing that look.  Josh rested his
head in his hands and gently rubbed his face.  He looked terrible, and his
mother knew it.  She assumed he hadn't slept well all weekend, but why?
 Mandy sipped her coffee and pondered on this until her face lit up with
realization, and acceptance.

	As an emergency room doctor, she had seen this before, more times
than she really wanted to count.  The looks of grief from loved ones of the
injured, her heart always went out to them, it was just who she was.  Both
she and Daren had seen their fair share of love gone wrong, innocent people
harmed because of what they were.  She recalled a case in her mind, that
happened a year or so ago.  A near death 15 year old boy brought in by
ambulance, which had been beaten by his father after catching him in the
act with his boyfriend.

	Mandy closed her eyes and blinked away a tear; although the boy did
survive he should have never been there in the first place.  Since that
moment she vowed if her son turned out to be...  She looked down at Josh
and set her coffee mug down.  He let out another sigh.

	"Everything will be alright Josh."  She stood behind him and gave
him a hug kissing the top of his head.  "You better get moving. I don't
want you to be late."

	When Josh turned his head and looked into his mother's eyes, his
worried look was soothed, he couldn't really understand how, or what was
really going on.  They both merely nodded at one another with understanding
on some level as he stood up.  He left the house after hugging his mom and
went out without any sign of Jeremy.  Josh slowly trudged onward to school
alone, with only his thoughts to keep him company.

	Everything seemed so different now, especially with that look his
mother had given him.  All he wanted was Jeremy to show up and ease his
worried thoughts and bring back the happiness they had shared
together. Josh's heart stabbed him with regret. Something should have been
said about how he felt sooner.  But he didn't.  He was scared to he didn't
want to risk what he had.

	Josh walked to school in silence, as he expected Jeremy wasn't
there.  He made it through his morning classes with a solemn look on his
face, which made people wonder, but he didn't care.  His heart ached, and
his mind ran through possible scenarios, all of them with bad endings.  He
spent the day avoiding everyone, including his friends.  Instead of meeting
them for lunch he had sneaked out into the court yard and sat alone under
one of the oak trees and let his thoughts consume him.  At the end of the
day he had intended on just walking home, except as he exited the school
Tyler was outside waiting for him.

	"Josh?" Tyler asked cautiously as he approached his friend.

	"Hey man, are you alright?" he asked, as he walked along side Josh.

	"Fine," Josh said coldly. The last thing Josh wanted was this,
after four days of worrying and hints of regret; his emotional control was
nearing the bottom of the bucket.

	"Have you heard anything from Jeremy?" Tyler asked.

      Josh looked at Tyler for a moment, and noticed a look he hadn't ever
seen before.  Tyler was worried about him almost as much as he was worried
for Jeremy.  As Josh looked into Tyler's hazel eyes he momentarily became
lost and confused.  He had known Tyler for years but never really took a
hard look at him until now.  He was Josh's height and they both had the
same build, he blinked a few times and shook his head.  Tyler frowned at
him for a moment but said nothing.

      "No." Josh replied softly.  He let out a small sigh and his friend
reacted.

      "Why are you so sad Josh?" Tyler asked as he ruffled Josh's hair.
Josh let out a growl and glared at him for a moment as he fixed his hair.
Tyler chuckled and grinned.  "Cute growl."

      Josh rolled his eyes and smiled a little.  Tyler patted him on the
back and looked at him.  "Well at least you smiled."

      "I'm alright Tyler. I've just got things on my mind again."

      "Want to talk about it?"

      "Not really."

      "Why not, we used to talk all the time." Tyler replied.

      Josh nodded silently, and remembered.  The two had shared some good
times but as time edged on, they had drifted apart, not completely but just
enough to keep them from being as close as they had been.

      "I know, but..." Josh began, but stopped.  Tyler stopped walking and
stood directly in front of Josh, apparently he wasn't going to give up.

      "But what," Tyler asked as he looked at Josh directly into the eyes.
Josh faltered and looked down to the ground unable to keep the gaze.
Tyler's expression changed to sympathy. Josh continued to look at the
ground and a lock of hair fell into his eyes, before he could react, Tyler
brushed the hair out of Josh's eyes slowly.

      'Oh god this isn't happening... Not now please not now.'  Josh looked
up at Tyler with a look of surprise and moved passed him and continued to
walk home.

      Tyler followed Josh and walked along side again, both boys kept their
silence until Tyler spoke again.

      "I'm just worried about you Josh. You skipped out on us at lunch and
haven't spoken to anyone all weekend."

      Josh remained silent, not knowing how to respond or if he should even
try too, but Tyler persisted.

      "So what is it?" Tyler thought for a moment then stopped dead in his
tracks.  "Are you worried about Jeremy?"

      Josh froze dead in his tracks as his friend stood behind him.  He
didn't dare turn around to face Tyler; not knowing what would happen if he
did. 'Why must this be so hard...?'  He thought to himself as Tyler edged
closer.  Josh closed his eyes and his head ached.

      "Will you please just stop...?" Josh begged.  Tyler looked at Josh
for a moment, and then looked at the ground.

      "I just want to help." Tyler softly replied.

      "Tyler I don't want your help, I just want to be left alone right
now! You just don't understand alright, and you never will so please just
go away and leave me alone."  Josh said with anger. He regretted sounding
so harsh.  He turned to look at Tyler who had a blank expression on his
face.

      "Fine, be that way. I won't fucking bother with you anymore" Tyler
said as he turned around and walked away.

      "Tyler, wait." Josh called out.

      "Josh just go alright?  It's clear you don't want me as a friend.
For the last few years we've been growing apart so maybe it just isn't
worth it anymore."  Tyler yelled back, he didn't even stop walking.

      That was the last thing Josh needed as he walked home alone.  There
was something in Tyler's voice that made him uneasy.  He shook it off,
resolving to make up with Tyler in the morning as he got closer to his
house.  As Josh headed for the porch he looked across the street, and
noticed that Jeremy's front door had been opened slightly.  He set his
backpack down and walked across the street, as he got closer he could hear
music coming from Jeremy's house.

      Josh knocked on the storm door and stepped back a little bit; soon
Jeremy appeared and opened the door.

      "Hey..." Jeremy said while sniffing.  Josh looked him over and
realized he had been crying.  Jeremy opened the door enough for Josh to
enter and closed the front door once Josh was inside.  "I've been waiting
for you to come home."

      "I've been waiting for you too. Where have you been and what's
wrong?"  Josh asked.  He moved over and sat on the couch Jeremy followed
and sat down as well and whipped his eyes.

      "Me and mom went over to my grandmothers, she lives just outside of
town, I'm sorry I couldn't tell you or anything but my mom wouldn't let
me."  Jeremy concentrated for a moment then looked up at Josh.  "There are
some things I have... I mean I need to tell you."

      "What is it?" Josh asked, moving closer to Jeremy.

      "Josh I'm moving..." Jeremy closed his eyes and softly began to cry.

       "What? Why?"  Josh's emotions began to fall but he managed to rein
them before he lost control.

      "It's my dad... He's been calling, and making threats.  My mom wants
to get out of here before something happens." Jeremy replied.
 His voice shook but he continued.  "There's so much, I wanted to... I
mean..."

      "Jeremy..."

      "Josh please. I have to say this. I will hate myself if I don't, even
if you hate me for saying it." Josh sat in silence as Jeremy looked him in
the eye.  "The last month has been, the best month of my life.  You have no
idea how much I like you.  I liked you since that first day when you
knocked me over."

      "Jeremy..." Josh said again, as he tried to get a word in, but Jeremy
cut him off.

      "Josh, I'm gay, and I love you.  I should have said something sooner
but I was scared, I didn't want you to hate me.  The last few years have
been bad enough and I don't think I could have taken you hating me."  The
tears streamed down Jeremy's cheeks and his voice cracked as his heart
continued voice itself.

      "The last year has been really hard, and you were so nice.  I just
wanted to be your friend. I wanted to be more than your friend.  But I
didn't want to be rejected.  Then that day when Cathleen made you dance,
I... I couldn't take my eyes off you. I wanted to spend time with you so I
asked you to teach me the moves.  You have no idea how happy you made me
you really don't."

      Jeremy completely lost it. He scooted off the couch and sat on the
floor leaning against it with his knees at his chest and his head resting
on them.

      "Now it's over, I had to tell you this because I won't ever see you
again, and I just wanted you to know..."

      Josh sat in silence for a moment, what Jeremy told him was a shock.
Now he felt regret as well and his eyes began to water.

      "I love you too." Josh said as he looked at Jeremy.  He moved onto
the floor and sat next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder

      "You what," Jeremy looked up at Josh with tears in his eyes.

      "I love you too Jeremy." Josh admitted.  He looked at Jeremy, his
heart broken because of Jeremy's pain.  "I'm so sorry, I should have said
something sooner but I was..."

      "Scared?" Jeremy said.  Josh nodded and Jeremy wrapped his arms
around him and cried on his shoulder.

      "This is so unfair." Josh said as he began to cry. He held Jeremy
tightly as his emotions broke past the barriers he had set.

      "What do we do now?" Jeremy asked as he looked into Josh's eyes.
Josh only thought of one thing, and softly kissed Jeremy on the lips.
Jeremy melted into Josh's arms as they broke the kiss.

      "I've waited a month for that." Jeremy softly said.  Josh merely
nodded and pulled Jeremy into his lap and gently held him.

      "How long until you're..." Josh asked as Jeremy laid his head on
Josh's shoulder.

      "Next weekend on Saturday, my mom managed to get another job
somewhere in California.  I didn't know about it until yesterday.  She's at
work now getting everything finalized."  Jeremy sniffled once and held onto
Josh tighter. "She's going to pull me out of school tomorrow, so we can get
packed."

      "But homecoming is on Wednesday..."

      "I know."

      "Do you think you can get her to hold off until Thursday?"

      "I don't know.  I have to pack this place on my own, because she is
going to be working full time until Friday."

      Josh thought for a moment.  "Do you really want to still be in the
performance?"

      Jeremy nodded.

      "Alright, well.  See if you can get your mom to wait until Thursday,
I can get Ben and Cathleen to help you here, and I'll help too."
 Jeremy looked up at Josh, as Josh offered the suggestion and gently kissed
him on the cheek.

      "Josh..." Jeremy began as he regained his composure.  "Will you stay
here with me tonight?

	"I will on one condition."

	Jeremy perked an eyebrow. "Which is?"


	Outside the birds sang, leaves rustled from the trees and fell to
the ground signaling a change in the season.  Inside a change was going on
as well. Wether or not it was a good change had yet to be seen.


TO BE CONTINUED...

Well this took way to long to get out.  Those of you that might remember
this story from way back when thank you if you read and remember :)

Hopefully I can pull out chapters faster and finish this before I turn 30