Date: Mon, 24 Mar 2003 20:19:18 -0800
From: Chris Knutson <kamin@nventure.com>
Subject: Wonder - Part 2

Wonder - Part 2

(c) 2003 Chris Knutson
kamin@nventure.com
http://www.biomime.net

Here is part 2 of Wonder.  I hope you liked the first part, and that the
second part keeps up with the first.

--------


I feel something.  I slowly stir awake and look up.  Sebastian is awake and
looking at me, and I realize he is caressing my face with his hand.

"Hello, beautiful," whispers Sebastian.

I totally melt when he says that.  No one has ever called me beautiful
before in my life.

"Sebastian. you are sweet," I whisper back.  He smiles back at me.

I look over at the clock.  8 PM.  We slept nearly 5 hours.  I didn't realize
how tired I was till just now.  The events of the day drained me horrible.
Suddenly I realize that my dad is home.

"I think my dad is home, I hope he didn't see anything."

"Does he know you are gay, Seth?" asks Sebastian.

"Yes, he does."

With that, I get up and walk out of my room.  I see my dad sitting in his
chair watching TV.

"Dad?" I say to get his attention.

"Hi Seth.  How was your first day?" says my dad.

"Dad, that's what I need to talk to you about."

"I came home and saw you laying in bed with that guy.  Is everything
alright?" asks my dad in a voice of concern.

I stop and think a moment.  I suddenly get a sense of warmth over me, one
that I have never felt before in my life.

"Yeah dad, I think it will all be fine now.  I hope it will all be fine now.
His name is Sebastian."

With that, I tell my dad about the events of the day, of how I ended up
meeting Sebastian, of our geek conversations, of my first breakdown, the
day, my classes, how everything went, of the events that transpired this
afternoon.  He gets several looks on his face, of interest, sadness, and
happiness for me.

"I want to talk to him," says my dad.

"OK"

He gets up and we walk into my bedroom together.  Sebastian gets a look of
worry and fear on his face and stands up.

"It's alright, Sebastian," I say to comfort his fears.  He suddenly relaxes.

My dad walks over, and gives Sebastian a hug.

"Thank you, Sebastian, I can't recall the last time Seth was last happy and
smiled.  You must be something really special to him.  Just promise me one
thing Sebastian, don't hurt him, and do not hurt Seth.  If he gets hurt
again he may never recover this time.  I was really beginning to fear for
him, he got so closed up and unhappy, that I feared all the time that I
would lose him.  I lost his mother, and I do not want to lose him."

With that my dad lets out some tears.  I go over and join the hug, holding
both Sebastian and my dad tight together.

"I promise to the day I die that I will never hurt Seth.  I could never bear
to do that to him, or to you.  He is a wonderful guy who has been through so
much.  I have only known him a very short time, but he means so much to me.
I feel like I have known him for a very long time," say Sebastian, fighting
back tears too.

I pull back from the hug and think.  There is so much I still have to tell
Sebastian.  I wonder if he can really keep his promise after I tell him
everything.  I guess there is no point in fighting back the inevitable.

"Dad, can Sebastian and I be alone for a while?" I ask.

"Sure, Sethy," my dad says using my child nickname for me.  I blush a bright
shade of red.

With that he walks out of the room, and slowly closes the door behind him.

"Sethy, huh?"  Sebastian asks with a sly grin.

OK, that does it.  I tackle him to the bed and tickle him.

"OK, OK, I won't call you that again.  Maybe," grins Sebastian.

I can't help it; I kiss him again on the lips.  His lips are so soft.

"I suppose I had better tell you the inevitable, Sebastian.  Can you make a
promise to me?"

"Anything, Seth."

"Please promise that after I tell you what I am about to tell you," I say
with some worry in my voice.

"You can tell me anything Seth."

OK, here it goes.  I sit for about half a minute collecting my thoughts on
this.  I get comfortable on my bed.

"Sebastian, this is going to be very hard for me.  Obviously you know there
is something very deep and dark in my past.  I once had a friend who I
trusted very much.  We were the best of friends.  One day, I told him that I
think I'm gay.  He seemed OK with it."

"A few days later, we were in the locker room.  We had just finished
showering and dressing.  He asked me if I was attracted to him at all.  I
told him I couldn't lie to him, and that I was heavily attracted to him.  He
then tells me that he is confused right now, that maybe he is attracted to
me.  The next thing he asks me shocks me.  He asks me if I would suck him
off right here.  Being very attracted to him, and never having done anything
before and wanting to try it, I say yes.  I pulled his cock out of his
pants, and sucked on him for about 5 minutes till he came.  With that, he
said that it was good."

Sebastian gets a look of worried interest on his face.

"The next thing he does is he screams out that he knew I was cocksucker.
All of a sudden two of his friends appear.  They both have their cocks out
and hard.  All I could think at that point was that I had been betrayed and
lied to.  I panicked and tried to get away, but they grabbed me.  One of
them says how if I loved one cock I will love to have three at once."

Sebastian gets a really worried look on his face, like he knows what
happened next to me.

"Sebastian, for the next half hour they proceeded to force me to suck them,
and they even took turns fucking me in the ass and constantly beat me on my
body.  I was never so scared in my life, and they hurt me in every possible
way imaginable.  I was crying and screaming the whole time, but they wouldn'
t let up, they just kept at it harder and harder.  I wanted to utterly die
and wished that it would just end, but they wouldn't stop.  They taunted me
the whole time that they were going to keep doing this to me till I was
dead, that I was a disgusting little faggot, and so many other things."

I start to form tears in my eyes saying all this.  All I can feel inside is
the pain and horror of it all.  I totally remember that day like it just
happened, every image, every sound, every smell, every word, every way that
I was raped in.  I can't control it and start to cry.  Sebastian moves and
pulls me close to him.  I suddenly realize that I never want him to let me
go, that I trust him completely.

"After they all came, they took me out behind the locker rooms and proceeded
to kick and beat me more.  Eventually they ran off I guess, I had passed out
completely from the physical damage."

Sebastian speaks up, "Oh my god Seth, I'm so sorry."  He is at a lose for
words, and I don't blame him.  What do you really say to someone that is
telling you how they were raped and beaten?

I continue.  "Someone found me laying there on the concrete, bleeding,
nearly dead.  The next thing I knew after passing out was waking up four
days later in the hospital.  I woke up and realized just suddenly what
happened.  I started to scream and cry.  My dad was there and tried to
comfort me as best he could, but it didn't help.  Finally he ran screaming
for the nurse, and they gave me a sedative that knocked me back out.  I woke
up a few hours later, more calm, but still feeling like I was totally
worthless."

"My dad asked me what happened, and I told him everything, what happened,
who it was, and so on."  I pull myself tighter into Sebastian and shed some
more tears.

After several minutes I look up at Sebastian.  I notice he has been crying a
lot as well.  I continue on, "After that, he reported it to the police, who
arrested those involved.  It went to trial, but all of them got off with
community service, the judge didn't even care.  The rape and beating
completely cracked me totally, but this discusion, it just shattered me
completely inside.  It made me feel totally worthless.  I didn't want to
live anymore.  To make matters worse, it got out around the whole school
about me being gay.  From that point on I was tormented.  I was constantly
called names, spat at, hit, and had many threats that I would be raped
again.  It was just awful."

I pull back into Sebastian and cry very heavily into his chest.  All I can
think about is how fucked up my life has been and how Sebastian thinks of me
now.  I am surprised he is still here, honestly.  I cry for the next 15
minutes, and then I pull away from Sebastian and lay on my back.

"I'll be right back, I promise," says Sebastian.

Sebastian leaves the room and comes back a minute later with a handful of
toilet paper.  I just watch as he moves towards me and proceeds to dry my
eyes and my face.  He wipes me down very gently, and he looks deep into my
brown eyes the whole time.  I can't help but get a small smile.

"Why, Sebastian, why are you still here, anyway?"  I ask him.  I can't help
but wonder why he is still here after learning about me.

"Did you really think I would turn and leave you after hearing that, Seth?
There isn't anything you have to worry about saying to me, Seth," whispers
Sebastian into my ear.  "It's so horrible, what you had to go through.  I
know you must feel worthless from it, but you are not.  You are worth
something to me, to your dad, to yourself.  I feel good that you trust me
enough to even consider telling me this.  This has been eating at you so
long, Seth.  It is good that you finally have told someone this other than
the people that you had to tell, that you took the chance on letting someone
in.  Seth, I promise I will always be there for you, no matter what."

"Thank you, Sebastian, thank you."  I whisper back to him.

Sebastian sits up.  "Anytime.  Seth, I'm going to go home for a while to do
a couple things, but I will be back, I promise."

"Please don't take too long."

With that, Sebastian leans in and gives me a kiss.  I totally melt into his
lips.  Then he leaves.  I sit there for a minute, then go over to my main
computer and throw in Beethoven's Grosse Fuge.  I often listen to this piece
when I need to think.  Then intensity and modernism of it is purely amazing,
especially since it was written over 200 years ago.  I turn it up a bit, and
lay back on my bed.

This has been a truly fucked up day, to say the least.  I can't decide yet
if it's fucked up in a good or a bad way.  I mean, I finally let someone in
and found a real friend, someone I have opened up to that is still there
after I tell him everything.  Sebastian is totally sweet, cute, funny,
intelligent, and shares many interests with me.  I can't go over the feeling
that this despite how good this feels, that it's the only really good thing
I have ever felt in my life, that something is wrong, that it is all moving
to fast, and that I still can't fully trust him not to fuck me over like I
have been fucked over in the past.  Is this truly different?  Or is it
doomed to crush me into something worse than I have ever felt in my life?  I
am so scared, that I may push away something truly great.  Do I tell him all
this?  I know he told me that I can tell him anything, but that doesn't ease
the tension and the struggle inside me.  Despite my lack of ever having
experienced anything good in my life, I have read about it.  Are these
feelings of good in me real?  Despite this moving so fast so suddenly, can
this all be real?

I hope so.

I hear a knocking on my door.  Is Sebastian back already?

"Come in," I say, rather horsely.

The door swings open and in walks my dad.  He reaches over and turns down my
stereo.  I hate it when he does that.

"Hi, Seth," says my dad.

"Hi dad."

"Can I ask you something Seth?"

"Sure," I say rather nervously.

"How are you feeling?  I mean, I come home, and see you entwined with
someone in bed.  I can tell that you were crying, as you eyes were and still
are so swollen.  I was really worried about you, but I figured that you
would not have someone here that was doing you wrong.  I guess I was just
shocked and surprised."

I look at my dad in the eyes.  "It comes as quite the same to me too.  I'm
really rather scared right now due to this.  I have feelings, feelings that
I have never felt before, feelings that I am scared to admit to him that I
have, both good and bad.  He is the first person outside of you and the
judge and jury that I have ever told to of what happened to me, and he's
still here.  He's still here, damnit.  I just wish I could sort all this
out.  I'm so fucking confused right now."

My dad thinks for a moment, and speaks, "Seth, I promise you no matter what
happens, I am always there for you.  It's been so tough for me since your
mom, my wife, died, but I swore to myself that I would love you no matter
what happened and would do anything for you.  Promise me that you will not
fall back into that cold and bitter person that you became, it saddened me
so much to see you that way day in and day out.  Come to me, anytime, day or
night, if you need me"

"I can't make any promises, but I will try my absolute best.  I won't ever
hide anything from you, ever again."

"I suppose that is the most I can ask for."

"Dad, thank you, for everything.  For accepting me when you found out what
happened.  For being there.  For the move."

"You are my son, Seth, and I love you very much."

"Dad, I love you too," I say to my dad letting a tear roll down my face.

My dad gets a big smile on his face.  I know he loves me as much as I love
him.  I just wish I had really told him that sooner.

"I really like Sebastian, he has made you open up.  He has made you smile
again.  I missed that smile.  If there was any way I could go back into the
past and change it, I would.  I would kill those sons of bitches if I could
for what they did to you.  Sebastian may be the best thing to ever happen to
you.  I can read it in him that he has his own pain.  I can see that he is
genuine, and will be someone who is there no matter what."

"That makes me feel better dad.  I have to really be careful here, and to
work things out properly.  I have to try not to run if something minor goes
wrong because I may risk something much greater if there is a lack of
communication and understanding.  I know all this seems so sudden, and that
is what scares me the most about it all.  He just came completely out of
nowhere, and as hard as I tried to fight him off at first, he was persistent
and I couldn't keep up pushing him away to protect myself.  I really don't
know what it is about him, but I just didn't want to push him away.  He hit
my sense of wonder," I say with a big smile on my face.

"You still need to be careful, but not so much to the point where you push
away and hide things."

"I know, Dad."

"Well, I'll let you back to what you were doing," says my dad.

With that, he leaves the room.  I walk back over to my computer and restart
the track on the CD.  The Grosse Fuge is not to be interrupted.  I sit in
bed and think about all that my dad has said to me, and I know he is right.
For the first time in a long time I feel that I have really talked to him
again like he and I used to talk before I was raped.  It's a rather good
feeling that he and I are open again.  He sacrificed a lot to move up here
from Arizona, and I thank him so much for that.

I start to stare at the ceiling blanking out.  I am totally involved in the
music.  The end of it hits, and I hear a knock at my door.

"Come in," I yell out.

The door opens and in walks Sebastian, carrying a bag with him, drinks, and
a paper sack from Jack In The Box.

"Hi Seth.  I am going to stay the night, if that is OK with you.  I stopped
by my house to get a few things, and then I realized I am totally hungry, so
I made a run to Jack In The Box.  I figured you were as hungry as I was so I
bought us each an Ultimate Cheeseburger meal," says Sebastian.

"That would be awesome for you to stay here, I would really love it.  But I
don't know if it's OK with my dad." I say with a look of disappointment on
my face.

"Don't worry, I asked him earlier when I went to grab the toilet paper."

I am in a little bit of shock that my dad would let anyone stay.  I stop and
think, and realize that he really does trust Sebastian.

"Oh this is awesome!" I yell out with some real happiness in my voice.
"Thank you so much for the food.  I just am now realizing that I am
starving, since I haven't eaten since lunch.  You even got my favorite thing
from there.  I love ultimate cheeseburgers.  I guess you kind of knew since
we talked about that earlier at lunch.  I really appreciate this, Sebastian.
You are so sweet to think of me."

"It's no big deal," says Sebastian.  He pauses.  "Seth, I have been thinking
of you all day, since the moment I saw you.  I couldn't get you off my mind.
I knew that you were doing your damned hardest to push me away at the
beginning, it totally came off that the last thing you wanted was anything
to ever do with me.  But I persisted; I saw something in you deep down that
I really like.  I saw something more than a really beautiful face.  I saw a
truly special person through all the pain and hurt.  I wanted to get to know
you and see if it was really there.  And when you mentioned FreeBSD, that
was it, I knew I wasn't going to give up easily.  If it had come to that I
would have accepted it, but I had to be sure that there was absolutely no
chance that I would ever be your friend.  I'm glad you let me in, Seth.  I
know this is sudden, but you really mean a lot to me.  You do mean more to
me than anyone ever has in my life."

I totally melt, I can't help it.  Sebastian is so fucking sweet.  Everything
he says makes me feel like I can be myself around him, and that I don't have
to put on a plastic fake version of myself just to even say hi.  He knows
how to say the things that are really sweet and that get to me emotionally.
There is no way that I could have imagined that this day would turn out like
this, no fucking way in hell.

I stand up and wrap my arms around Sebastian.  He in turn wraps his arms
around me.  We stand there for a while, just embracing each other, neither
of us wanting to let go.

"The food is going to get cold," I say.

"I know, I don't care," says Sebastian.

The smile on my face gets way bigger.  We break our embrace and dig into the
food.  We both totally tear through it like it is nothing.  I swear we just
inhale it.  I let out a big burp.

"Excuse me," I say.  "Thanks guy, that was really good."

"Anytime, my short sweet guy," says Sebastian.

He keeps on doing that.  I turn a nice shade of red.

"Sebastian, you said something that I have been thinking on a lot.  This is
moving way quickly.  I really hope this is all real and genuine.  I hope we
aren't caught in a rush of things.  I want whatever comes between us to work
out, beautiful Sebastian.  I know we may have things that we need to work
on, but I am really scared of all this ending suddenly, especially over
something minor."

I turn to Sebastian and look deep in his beautiful blue eyes.

"You are really sweet yourself, Sethy." He says my nickname, and I don't
even care that he does.  It feels kind of cool to hear him say it, actually.
"I do know what you mean, we are going to have to work on this, we still
have so much to learn about each other, other life experiences up till now,
what we like and don't like as far as things, things that make us happy,
things that are fun, things that are sad.  I am scared to, Seth.  This is
all coming together very suddenly for me.  I may appear to be Mr. Smooth on
situations, but I'm not.  At best I'm well read and try to use my knowledge
to work through life.  In this case, the reactions I am getting back are
completely unknown."

"Yeah," I whisper to Sebastian.

"These feelings are more right than anything I have ever felt in my life.  I
know in my heart, I want this, I want to be with you."

I melt again.  I move over to him and he wraps his arms around me.  Damn it
feels so good to be held.  I don't think I ever want to move out of his
arms.  How would it be to have someone more as a friend I wonder...  I
suppose I have never really given much thought to ever having a boyfriend,
let alone a friend.

I want to say something to Sebastian about what he just said.  I don't know
what to say.  Honestly, I think I gave him a bigger answer than words could
have ever possibly have said.

We sit there together for a while.  Sebastian slowly rubs my upper body.  It
feels so good to have him do this, as he is doing it so gently.  I feel him
move his head, and the next thing I know he is kissing me on the back of the
neck.  I totally melt.  I realize how sensual my neck is to being kissed.
After a few kisses he pulls me onto my side and we lay with him holding me
from behind.

"Sebastian, I know it's early, but I'm really tired, how about go to bed?" I
ask, not ever wanting this night to end.

How did I go from being such a dark and cold person in the morning, with so
much trapped in me, with me completely believing that it is forever trapped
in me, to having the most beautiful and sweetest guy in the world holding me
later that night after learning my darkest thing in my life?  This is way
more than I can handle.  I definitely need some sleep.  We don't have school
tomorrow, as for some reason they only want us to go one day, then have the
3-day Labor Day weekend.  It's weird that they want us to get back into the
hang of school so gradually.

"Yeah, I am too.  Shall I sleep on the floor, or would you mind if."
Sebastian tries to say something that I know he wants to ask.  I catch the
nervousness in his voice.

I turn around and look him straight in the eyes.  "You better not even think
of sleeping on the floor," I say to him with a bit smile on my face.  With
that, he kisses me again.  This time is lasts longer.  I feel his tongue
probing at the entrance to my mouth, and I let it in.  He pushes his tongue
in and I push back with me tongue.  He tastes very sweet.  I push hard and
fight his tongue around, and he fights back.  I pull back a bit, and we kiss
softly a few times.

I stand up and strip down to just my boxers.  Sebastian is looking at me the
whole time, and I can tell he loves what he sees.

"Seth, you are more beautiful than I could have ever imagined," says
Sebastian.  I blush and turn a bright shade of red.

Sebastian stands up and starts to strip down.  After he removes his shirt I
gasp.  He is even more beautiful just in his boxers.  His upper body is
lightly defined.  His nipples are good sized.  He has the slightest
formation of a six-pack, with a nice outie navel.  I see he has the
slightest fine blond hairs leading from the bottom of his navel to his
boxers.  His skin is a light golden brown.

"You think I'm beautiful?  I am nothing compared to you," I say back to him.

I notice him start to blush red.  I pull back the covers on my bed and we
both hop in.  Sebastian turns on his side towards me.

"Can I hold you all night, Seth?" asks Sebastian.

"Like I would have it any other way."

Sebastian smiles.  I reach up and turn out the light and move over towards
him.  He wraps both his arms around me and reaches for my hand with his
upper arm.  I open my hand up and intertwine with his hand.  He pulls me in
tight and kisses me on the neck.

"To many more nights," says Sebastian.  "To forever."

I can say nothing other than just grip his hand tighter.

Despite all this moving so quickly and so suddenly, for the first time ever,
something in my life feels truly right.  I know there is so much more that
we will have to deal with and that there is so much I still don't know about
him.  I sense there is a lot more to him and his past then I know.  I think
a bit about the next day and the next day.  To things that we will talk
about, things that we will do.  How are things going to go?  We will still
like each other the more we learn about each other?  How am I going to deal
with ever being intimate with anyone and not think of how I was raped?  But
right now I would rather not think about all that and just rather think
about him holding me close.  I hope he is thinking about him the same way
that I am thinking about him right now.  That I never want this to end.

End part 2.

--------

Part 3 will be a little ways off.  Someone who
I let read this story before I released it said that everything went too
"smoothly" with no conflict between the charectors and that everything just
glides into place.  Maybe he's right, but we'll see what the future lies
between Seth and Sebastian.  Email me any thoughts, ideas, etc, about this
story.