Date: Sun, 18 Feb 2001 05:13:48 -0800 (PST) From: Sun Child <heartmindsoulau@yahoo.com> Subject: Yesterday's Child 7 Howdy to a new part of the series. I hope you are all enjoying the series as much as I am enjoying writing it. DISCALIMER: If you are underaged or offended by m/m concepts please leave now, I'm not gettin my ass fried for you doing something illegal when I have told you to leave. All characters are part of my mind and bear no reflection on real people that may or may not exist. All songs belong to respective artists, all poems and some songs are mine. If you want to use them if you just ask and give me a reason I will more than likely agree, all you have to do is be polite and ask. Stories I recommend: Jamie's Romance - (boy-bands) Justin from Nsync and a guy called Jamie. Brilliantly written and well crafted story. I love it. Garden of Song - (boy bands) One of the stories I am writing. Savage Garden story mainly revolving around Daniel Jones and a guy called Dan. JC Dreams - (boy-bands) This is one of my many series at the moment. It is another Nsync story that involves JC and Tony (a non-celeb). Black the Promise - (boy bands) yet again Nsync... this time JC and Justin. Figured time to join the crowd of stereotypes. I'm writing this one by the way. Nsync with my Premonitions - (boy-bands) JC again and it is a great story. Brandis Redemption - (celebrity) yet another way cool story which I am totally loving. By the way, can we have it updated soon? PLEASE! Search and Rescue - (boy bands) a fan-bloody-tastic JC story... just needs to updated! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! Feedback (I love it) can be sent to -= heartmindsoulau@hotmail.com =- Please, when you do send in feedback, put the title in the subject, let's me know which story you are talking about. I can also be reached on ICQ# 104300787. Well, I suppose you want me to start the story now huh. Okay, well here we go, thanks for taking the time to read this. SC. Here we go: Yesterday's Child 07 by Sun Child I sat there, feeling stunned, only comforted by Nick sitting there, his hand running up and down my spine. Dad was dead. It was a huge shock to the system. Standing up I looked at Nick. "I gotta go find Anna. She needs to know about this. I mean, shit. Her father's just died and, and ..." Nick put his hand over my mouth and shut me up. "Jess, we both know it was more than just Anna's father that died. He was your father as well." "No, he stopped being my father the first time he raised his hand to him me. He's long passed that status. People only get one chance when it comes to that. Anyone raises their hand to strike me, they destroy all future chances I may or may not have given them." I told Nick. He just nodded understanding. He didn't push the issue any further. I stood and grabbed my keys when Nick put his hand on mine. "Don't even think about driving, I'll drive." "But you're spending time with Caleb." "No, I'm supporting my boyfriend. I'm not letting you face this on your own." Nick told me. I smiled faintly while Nick lifted Caleb and put him in the cot next to Nick's bed. Walking quietly from the room we made our way downstairs. I went towards the door while Nick told his mother what was going on. While driving Nick looked at me a few times. "Jess, when I was talking to mom, she suggested that you could stay here for a few days if you don't want to go home." "And what am I meant to do with Anna? I can't just dump her." "She can stay with us. We've got several spare rooms." "Thanks Nick, but I don't know if I can take you up on that. I mean, Anna might not want to and we've got stuff to deal with at home." Nick shook his head slightly and put his hand on my leg. "The offer will always stand Jess. Just remember that." I nodded and kept looking ahead. Sighing slightly, Nick removed his hand and pressed play on his car stereo. No, no, no, no No, no, no, no No, no, no, no No, no, no, no Listen little child - there will come a day When you will be able, able to say Never mind the pain, or the aggrivation You know thee's a better waym for you and me, to be Goodbye my friend (I know you're gone, you said you're gone, but I can still feel you here) It not the end (Gotta keep it strong before the pain turns into fear) So glad we made it, time will never change it No, no, no, no No, no, no, no Just a little girl but imagination Never letting no one take it away Went into the world, what a revelation She found there's a better way, for you and me, to be Look for the rainbow in every storm Find out for certain, love's gonna be there for you You'll always be someone's baby Goodbye my friend (I know you're gone, you said you're gone, but I can still feel you here) It not the end (Gotta keep it strong before the pain turns into fear) So glad we made it, time will never change it No, no, no, no No, no, no, no The time we would play about The way we'd scream and shout We'd never dreamt you'd go your own sweet way Look for the rainbow in every storm Find out for certain love's gonna be there for you You'll always be someone's baby Goodbye my friend (I know you're gone, you said you're gone, but I can still feel you here) It not the end (Gotta keep it strong before the pain turns into fear) So glad we made it, time will never change it I looked at Nick. Feeling a little more aware of what had happened, the shock was wearing off and realisation was setting in. "Did you realise that this song would play?" "No I didn't. If I did, don't you think I would have changed it before this?" "Yeah I know, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. I think the fact that Anna's dads gone is starting to set in. I mean, this is going to destroy her and I don't know how I'm going to help her through this. I mean I've always been strong for her. When mom left, the lot. I've been the strong one. I don't know if I can be for her now. I'm just feeling weak. I don't know how I'm going to show her that there is a bright light." "Jess, I wouldn't worry. Anna knows you are strong. Why else would she turn to you? You are an honest and loyal brother." "That's the thing Nick. I wasn't honest. I lied to my father. It was one of the last things I told him... I lied." "Well, I'm sure there was a good excuse." "I told him I wasn't gay and I am. I lied to my father about who I am. That's weak, lying is for the weak. It takes a strong person to tell the truth and I didn't. I lied to him and it was yesterday, I lied to him the day before he died. Before he killed himself... I wonder why he would have done that? Maybe because he son is a faggot and couldn't even admit it to him." "Okay Jess, shut up. So you didn't tell him you were gay. Not many do tell their parents. Deal with it." "Nick, I lied to him and I hit him. No one should ever hit their parents, yet I hit mine. Yesterday evening after we got home from eating with you. I hit him and knocked him to the ground. The day before he fucking killed himself." By now tears were streaming down my face. "Jess, I told you to shut up. You're only making yourself worse. It's time to stop being yesterday's child. Wake up to today and skip all the coulda, shoulda, woulda's and move on. God knows we all have to at some time. Realise that it isn't your fault he's dead. It was his choice. You don't want to be like him. So don't be yesterday's child. Be today's child or even tomorrow's. Live for what you can have, not what you had." Nick's voice was calm, logical and steady. I could tell he meant well and all but there wasn't much I could do to feel calm. Every word stung. I leant forwards and turned up the volume. I heard Nick sigh beside me and indicated to turn. Show me the meaning of being lonely So many words for the broken hearted It's hard to see in a crimson love So hard to breathe Walk with me, and maybe Nights of light so soon become Wild and free, I could feel the sun YOur every wish will be done They tell me... Show me the meaning of being lonely Is this the feeling I need to walk with Tell me why I can't be there where you are There's something missing in my heart Life goes on as it never ends Eyes of stone observe the trends They never say forever gaze Guilty roads to an endless love There's no control As you with me now Your every wish will be done They tell me... Show me the meaning of being lonely Is this the feeling I need to walk with Tell me why I can't be there where you are There's something missing in my heart There's nowhere to run I have no place to go Surrender my heart, body and soul The things you never show You are missing in my heart Tell me why I can't be there where you are Show me the meaning of being lonely Is this the feeling I need to walk with Tell me why I can't be there where you are There's something missing in my heart As the song played I felt the tears welling again and I turned and looked out the window as the other cars drove by, not stopping. Just living in a cold harsh world, not caring. Watching people realising that there are hundreds of people who are dead on the streets, we pass them on the way to work, school, college, every day, most have 9 - 5 jobs but they have no hope, no real God to pray to. The routine drives them on. The monotony until they finally lose it and bring the machine gun to work with them one day. This is the reality of the world we live in and I suddenly felt privileged to have someone in such a sad, empty world. An empty world that my, Anna's, father used to inhabit. A man who once had a chance at love as I did now. How many have a chance to obtain true love? My father could have had love but he got married. After all, aren't most marriges of convinences or sexual deviancy? Quick sex and 'love' in toilets, hotels and car parking lots just makes life sleazy and meaningless. If life is meaningless, why bother living. Whilst thinking about life and what it meant, we somehow managed to make it to the mall and as we pulled up I snapped back to reality. Pulling out my cell, I tried dialling Anna's, to little avail because, as usual, she had left it at home. Not surprising really. She hated phones, also the idea of 15 year old with a cell phone, while it may be in her father's name is more than a little absurd. Still, it was a good idea in theory of such emergencies as what we had now. Climbing out of the car, I walked around, hoping to see some sign of her. I checked all the usual shops that she would be in. All empty of the little sister that I sought. Walking past a CD store, I looked in and saw several of the other girls I had dropped off along with Anna. Walking in I walked up to the girls. "Hey Jacinta, Amy." The girls looked up. "Hi Jesse." "Do you know where Anna is?" "Yeah, she's off with Caleb, we ran into him just before and Anna wanted to speak to him. Try the Datura Cafe. That's where they were going I think." Nodding I started to turn. "Thanks girls." "No problems. Just be careful though." "Why's that?" "Caleb started mouthing off about how he had told your father everything. Whatever that means and Anna started to get into one of her moods." I grimaced on the inside realising that Anna would fight Caleb, and I somehow doubted that she would lose, but that was beside the point. "Okay, thanks." With that I turned and hurried to the cafe, Nick walking swiftly to keep up. "Ok Jess, what's the deal? Spill." "Anna's with Caleb and about to beat the crap out of him." "You're kidding right. Tiny, petite Anna." "No, Anna that would make an excellent Bull Dyke." "Oh okay. Let's speed then." Was all Nick said before hurrying up as well. Walking up the the cafe I looked in and saw Anna, sitting there talking to Caleb in a quiet corner. From where I was standing, I couldn't tell if she was frowning or what, but to me, it looked more like she was smiling. "Nick, is it my imagination or is Anna over there with Caleb smiling?" "Jess, I hate to say it, but she looks like she's smiling." Walking inside the cafe, I walked straight up to where they were sitting. When I got there, I almost died. Anna and Caleb were sitting there holding hands. I grabbed Anna by the shoulder and pulled her away with me. "Jess, let go of me. What's the deal?" She demanded when we got outside. "What were you doing there with Caleb?" "Talking." "Since when did you need to hold hands to talk?" "Since we started going out about a month ago." "Yeah well, why didn't you tell me?" "Because I knew you would go off your brain about it." "Well, news flash, you're not seeing him anymore." "Really, who died and made you my father?" "Your father." "Huh?" "Your father is dead Anna. I got a phone call after dropping you off down here. Your dad's dead." With that, Anna started to slip down to the ground. Caleb came out to see what was going on. He saw Anna sitting on the ground with me next to her. "What did you do to her?" Caleb demanded of me. "I did nothing. Now get away from my sister and don't let me see you near her again." "Her father said it was fine... you've got no say." "Well what her father said doesn't apply now, he's dead so wrong. I have all the say, no just go away while you can." Caleb looked like he was about to say something but I turned back and looked him dead in the eye. I saw Caleb pale then his face hardened. "This ain't over. Not by a long shot." "You've killed her father, isn't that enough? Now go." "Really I killed him? How did I do that?" "You spread your gossip, you gossiped to him about me and he couldn't take it, so he took the way out... he killed himself... because of what you said. Live with that on your mind Caleb, and get out of my sight." Caleb paled again and opened his mouth to speak. Thinking better of it, he closed his mouth, turned and walked away. Kneeling down beside Anna, I pulled her to me. She sat there holding onto me for dear life. Picking her up, I walked with Nick back to the car. Sitting her in the car we drove back to Nick's where we transfered Anna from car to car and I took her home. Opening the front door at home, I carried Anna in and put her on top of her bed. I stood to leave. "Jess, please, I can't stay in this house. I've got to get out. It all reminds me of dad. I can't stay. Can we spend the night in a hotel or something?" "Nick's mom offered we could stay there for a few days?" "That's fine... anywhere but here." "Just a minute and I'll check if the offers still open." I walked out the door and down to the phone. Calling Nick's number I spoke to him briefly and then went upstairs and told Anna to pack for a few days. I then walked to my room and gathered some clothes and other necessities. Walking down and out to the car we loaded what we had into the back and I drove to Nick's. While driving Anna took her SuperJesus CD from the player and slid in Matchbox Twenty and skipped to the track I knew was coming. I think I've already lost you I think you're already gone I think I'm scared now You think I'm weak - But I think you're wrong I think you're already leaving Feels like your hand is on the door I thought this place was an empire But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure I think you're so mean - I think we should try I think I could need - this in my life I think I'm just scared - I think too much I know this wrong it's a problem I'm dealing If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home There's an awful lot of breathing room But I can hardly move If you're gone - baby you need to come home Cuz there's a little bit of something in me In everything in you I bet you're hard to get over I bet the room just won't shine I bet my hands I can stay here I bet you need - more than you mind I think you're so mean - I think we should try I think I could need - this in my life I think I'm just scared - I think too much I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home There's an awful lot of breathing room But I can hardly move If you're gone - baby you need to come home Cuz there's a little bit of something in me In everything in you I think you're so mean - I think we should try I think I could need - this in my life I think I'm just scared - I think too much I know this wrong it's a problem I'm dealing Anna had tears flowing down her cheeks as the song played. I pulled the car over to the side of the road. Gently, I stroked her cheek and kissed her lightly on the forehead. This only made more tears flow. Feeling sorry, I pulled her to me and held her close. Eventually the tears stopped and she leant back into her seat. "I'm sorry Jess. I don't know. I just can't believe he's gone. I mean, I was never close to him and you certainly weren't, but he was still my, our, father." "It's okay Anna, you don't need to explain a thing. I understand. It can happen to us all." "Even you? You haven't even cried over it." "That's because I can't. Not because I haven't wanted or needed to. I can't cry over him, how many times has he hit me kitty cat? I've lost all energy in relation to your father. I can't even say he was my father any more. That's what really stings." I admitted to Anna. All she did was nod then turn to look out the window. "We'd better get to Nick's otherwise he'll worry." Was all she said. Sighing lightly, I took the CD from the player and slipped in a different one and started to drive. When we pulled up outside Nick's, I opened the boot and Anna grabbed her bags abd set them down and pulled mine out and set them down as well. I closed the boot and picked up the bags. I packed light but Anna had clothes, makeup and CDs with her. Locking the car, we then made our way up to the front door where Nick met us and let us in. None of us spoke until Nick's mother appeared. "Hello Jesse, and you must be Anna. Let me say now, I'm sorry about your father. I never knew him and I won't say he was a great man because we all have faults, but still, losing family like that. You both have my condolences." I smiled politely. "Thank you for those sweet words. Don't be fooled though. He was an asshole. He was an alcoholic that used to swear at me and beat Jess. I guess it's a blessing that he's gone. If you don't mind, I need to lie down if I can please." Anna said with polite indifference. I looked at Nick who shrugged and spoke. "Yeah sure Anna, I'll show you the way." With that he grabbed Anna's bag and led her up the stairs. I turned to Aleesha. "I'm sorry about that. Anna has a different outlook on life and a way different way of acting. I'm sorry if she offended you." "It's okay Jess. I understand that people have different ways of coping. This is probably just hers. Don't let it worry you, I won't." She smiled. "I should probably get Nick to show me which room I will stay in." I smiled. "Well, I think he has you staying in his room. I know what you are to him so don't worry. I've had a nearly two years to get used to it. He came out to me just after Caleb was born. I only ask that you don't... well, you know." I knew what she meant and nodded. "I wouldn't worry. I have no intention of doing that, I'm far from ready to go there. We've only been together about three days now. Too soon for that." Aleesha nodded. "Okay, well, I don't mind if you sit and make out or whatever, but that's as much as I will allow." She told me. I nodded and looked at my stuff. "I should probably take this up to the room then." Aleesha smiled. "I guess you should, if you need anything, just ask. I know Nick will help but if I can help, just ask." I smiled back. "Thanks Aleesha." With that I picked up my bag and carried it up to Nick's room and put it down. I guess me walking into the room disturbed Caleb who started to cry lightly. I walked over and gently picked him up. Holding him carefully, I rocked him slightly until he drifted back off. Gently, I put him back in his cot where he stirred slightly then fell asleep. I pulled his little blanket up over him and turned to walk out. I jumped when I saw Nick standing in the doorway. "I didn't realise you were there." "I didn't realise you were so good with kids." "Something I picked up raising Anna." "Yeah well, it's not easy, I'll tell you that. He doesn't do that for his mom, my mom or even Bec. He only does it for me, and apparently, you. I think he just picked his new parent." With that, Nick kissed me lightly and gave me a cuddle. When he let me go, I kissed him on the lips and walked downstairs where we sat in the lounge and talked. Weeks passed, things got better. Anna became more like her old self. We stayed at Nick's the entire time apart from school and trips to the mall and work. Other than that, we didn't go many places. The hardest part for Anna was at the funeral. We stood beside the grave as the lowered the casket into the ground. Anna dropped a single white flower on top of the casket as they started to throw the earth over the top. She then turned and cried into my chest. As we turned to walk away, I saw Caleb standing back. Gently detatching myself from Anna and giving her to Nick where he held her protectively. I walked up to Caleb, my hands clenched. "What are you doing here? Isn't enough you killed him, now you laugh as Anna and I watch him lowered to the ground." "Actually Jesse, I came here to offer my condolences." "Yeah well, you can go and shove your condolences up your ass along with all the rumours that are going around the school which I have no doubt that you started." "I haven't started any rumours Jesse. You know that's not my style." "I thought I did know you. Until you turned from best friend to best enemy and backstabber. Then, if that's not enough you're seeing my fifteen year old sister. FIFTEEN CALEB! She's still jailbait, are you're dating her? Ever heard of sick." I yelled at him. Caleb looked like he wanted to dive into the grave after my father and be buried along with him. "I never slept with her Jesse. I might have when she was legal, but not before hand. Like me, a senior, would risk losing all I have worked for over 12 years to get off. I care for Anna a great deal, but I would never sleep with her. She's like my little sister. Just like I... I always cared for... for you. You were my best friend... brother even. It just came as a shock that you were... were..." "Gay? Well guess what Caleb, I wasn't even sure when you started all that. You started something on what you had no idea. So who's idea was it when you made Anna look all pissed off when she told me? Yours or hers? Maybe even her fathers?" "He was your father as well Jesse." "No he wasn't... he wasn't after he hit me... the many nights I'd come home after work and he'd hit me and hit me and hit..." I felt the barriers give way and pool in my eyes. "He wasn't my father, he was just someone who had sex with my mother. No father beats their child like he did." I slipped to my knees, tears streaming down my face. "Father's don't hit their children and hit them and hit them and hit them." I gave way and broke down into a crying, sobbing mess. Caleb knelt down beside me and held me I put my head on his shoulder and cried. I had never felt any sadness like I was feeling now. The man I had just buried was my father, God knows how I loved and loved to hate the man. God knew how much I was hurt by him. God knows, I missed him. Even in his drunken abusive states. God knows how good it felt to have Caleb holding me. He may not be my boyfriend, but he was my best friend and brother. I looked at Caleb. "I miss you Caleb." "I know Jess, I know." I fell into his hug again and stayed there. --- Well there we go. If that ain't done ya for a few days... well ya know where ya can go stick it dont ya. 1) Goodbye - Spice Girls ... old but good. Goodbye is a word we all say at the wrong time and never at the right time. David, I'm sorry. I should have told you goodbye a long time ago and I should have said it to your face. 2) Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely - Backstreet Boys... oops! I think I've betrayed my other stories... two of them are Nsync and one Savage Garden and here I am putting in a BSB song... bad me bad me :o) 3) If You're Gone - Matchbox Twenty... well, I think the song speaks for itself. Well, that's it for now. I'll catch ya'll in the next part and my other series (see recommended reads for what they are). Keep safe, have fun. Hugs, kisses and cookies. SC.