****************************************************************************
* "NEW TO TEACHING LOVE" *
* (part 2) *
* by Vince Water November 4, 2004 *
****************************************************************************
| Copyright 2004-2006 by Vince Water Corrected 4/06 |
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jes is rushing through the kitchen while I'm dragging my feet. My stomach
hurts. I'm not looking forward to facing my parents again. My lover isn't
either. He's forgiven my mom for what she said to him last night on the porch
but I Sense his unease. Anger fills me. She had better be on good behavior or
I'm gonna explode!
:Mike! Please forget about last night. Your mom said she was sorry.:
:Yeah... but those were only words she spoke. I don't think she's really
sorry. Running Water told me that us white folk are always apologizing for
something. He said that it's for the wrong thing and after it's too late to
make it right.:
:My uncle is such a sour puss,: Says Jesse. :Your mom was really upset
last night. She's worried about you so I forgive her hasty words. You need to
as well, love.:
Jes squeezes my hand in assurance. He's pulling me towards the dining room
and lets go when faces turn in our direction. Grandfather is sitting at the
left end of the table. He looks tired, reminding me of his vigilance over us
during the night. Winna is in her usual chair close to the kitchen. She's
looking anxious. My parents are sitting between them with morning's light
shining through a window behind them. I didn't notice there being a window
there before. Mom's smiling face catches my attention. She's smiling? That
doesn't put me at ease because it's in contrast to how she felt last night.
I'm not Gleaning anything from her as much as I'd want at this moment.
'Sit,' gestures grandfather with the sweeping of his right hand.
I've been standing like a stunned deer before a car's oncoming headlights.
My chair is pulled back from the table and I drop down into it. Jes takes his
seat on my right close to his mom. Six candles are lit in the center of our
table. The flames set a somber mood for our gathering. Grandfather bows his
head in prayer. Winna and Jesse do the same followed by my parents. I clasp
my hands in my lap and pray. Not in words unto Him but an emotional plea that
everything will work out today.
Winna tears three fried breads in half and passes them around the table.
I glance at mom. The cheery expression on her face doesn't seem right to me.
I look at dad. His eyes are cast down at his plate. I'm struck again by how
old he looks from when last I saw him. He's suffered a stroke. In spite of
his assurances that he'll recover from it, I have my doubts. Mom said he has
something important to tell me. He didn't get the chance last night so I
expect to learn what that is today. Could he be dying?
A large bowl is handed me from Jes. It's filled with a meaty gravy to top
our bread with. I'm ladling some onto my plate. This is the same meal I was
served that first night Winna had invited me over for dinner. It's what she'd
prepared last night for my parents. A sly grin comes to my lips. My parents
had rudely left last evening before she could serve it so we're eating this
for breakfast. Her way to remind them of that?
I have to rise from my chair to pass the bowel to grandfather. Our eyes
meet. I see compassion in him mixed with weariness that comes from more than
old age. I'm nodding my head in respect to this Elder. He's managed to escape
death at the hands of those soldiers who attacked our camp. How much longer
will his old bones remain on our Mother?
No. That was Chris remembering Owopspec's grandfather who fell in battle.
I'm falling back heavily into my chair.
:What's wrong, love?:
As I turn to him, I'm feeling out of place. We're sitting at a table? My
eyes sweep over the faces of my parents who don't look right to me. The
candles are flickering. I focus on my lover's face that appears too young.
No. He's not Owopspec. This is Jes-ee-ah.
:I Sense something odd from you, love. What is it? What's wrong?:
I'm wetting my lips. Instead of words, I cast my thoughts at my lover.
:It's nothing. Well. There are times when I'm losing my place in... time. My
former self looks through my eyes and he doesn't recognize what's going on
around him. Like my parents, for instance. We know, ah. I know they are my
mom and dad but Chris doesn't. That happens sometimes. I'll be alright in a
minute so please don't worry about me.:
:I thought you had recovered from your Merging.:
:Me too.: I'm lifting my fork and knife and try to eat. Everyone else is.
Jes doesn't think anything more to me.
I drink the last of my milk and set the glass down. My plate is empty.
Everything around me has been a blur. I'm glad that my parents didn't speak
during the meal. Or maybe they did but I hadn't notice. Man! I'm really out
of it. My eyes close for a moment. There's the sense of a raging river
flowing from me towards Jesse to satisfy his thirst. I'm Seeing how much
he's depending on me to prevent himself from drowning, ah, from losing
himself to his former self.
:I know, love. I'm sorry! Ever since last night, I've been drawing on you
even more than I have been. It's because of Owopspec. He's really trying to
come up in me so we need to see Charms A Bird soon.:
I give my lover a worried look. He casts his eyes down at his plate. I'm
about to reach my right arm around him in assurance but stop myself. Why do
we have to hide how we feel for each other? Everyone knows, don't they! I
know why I've stopped myself. That makes me angry.
:Don't feel that way, love. It's good that you're thinking about your
parent's feelings by not putting on a display. You are holding me. In here.:
:I know.: There's a warm feeling in my heart. I'm turning to look at Jes.
:We are going through a lot. Take what you need from me so you'll remain
who you are. Not get taken over by Him. I only wish I didn't have to deal
with my parents today.:
:Maybe they can help you, love.:
:How?: Before Jesse can Answer me, everyone is getting up from the table.
My parents are praising Winna for how much they liked her cooking. She asks
her son to help with clearing off the table. I find mom at my side. She takes
my arm, pulling me towards the front room while dad remains to speak with
grandfather. We pass through the room, not going to sit on the couch as I was
expected us to for a talk. I'm planting my feet when we reach the front hall.
"Mike. Are you alright?"
"Yeah, mom." I see the worried look in her eyes. Is she gonna be scolding
me again? My pair of moccasins are seen near the front door. That reminds me.
"I'll be needing to buy shoes today."
"We can go out to get you some. Let's spend this day together, your father
and I. We're returning home this evening so this will be our last chance to
see you for a while."
She doesn't want Jesse to come along. I'm nodding in surrender. My father
appears at our side like a ghost. He's looking at his wife in a peculiar way
that sends a shiver down my spine. I'm not Gleaning anything from either of
them. That's strange. It's like I've lost that ability, probably because of
the energy pouring out of me to sustain Jes. I cast my thoughts towards him.
:My parents want to take me out and get some shoes.:
:That's good. Grandfather wants me to stay close to him, in case...:
I'm nodding in agreement. :We only have to endure two more days before
seeing Charms A Bird on Tuesday. I know he'll be able to help you!:
:I hope so, love. Try to enjoy your outing with your parents. They
obviously miss you and you don't know when you'll be seeing them again.:
:I know. It's just that, ah, I wish you were coming with us.:
:I will be with you, love! For always.:
I'm slipping into my moccasins. It seems strange that I'm wearing socks
with them until I force that part of me who is Chris to settle back down. My
head begins to clear. Mom is opening the door so I'm following her outside.
Dad is taking up the rear. In the distance, I catch sight of Hawk Flying Over
standing by his jeep.
"Mike? Could you ah, ask that man not to follow us? He should watch over
the house since your... friend is inside."
"Sure, mom." My parents head for the car while I stride down the sidewalk
to speak with Hawk Flying Over. He meets me at the gate. A smile comes to my
lips to see his cowboy hat. A feather struck through it lends him an Indian
appearance. He wears his hair short though.
"Going out with your parents?"
"Yeah. Could you keep watch over the house while we're out?"
"Charlie can do that." He's turning to his right.
I follow the man's eyes to where a pickup is parked in front of the
neighbor's house. There's a white guy sitting in it. "Ah. I'd rather you keep
watch over Jesse. Grandfather, too. Both you and Charlie should stay here."
"If that's what you want, Mike."
I'm slowly nodding my head. I hear the car being started and am about to
turn for the driveway to join my parents when Hawk Flying Over grasps my
shoulder. There's a serious look in his eyes. Is he gonna argue about this?
"I want to thank you again for what you did for me."
"What I did? Oh."
We're distracted by my parent's rental car backing out of the driveway. I
slip past the gate and wait for them to pick me up at the curb. Hawk Flying
Over is standing at my side.
"My balls have been hurting me."
The man is looking down at himself with a grin. He's horny?
"It has to hurt if it's to heal," explains Hawk Flying Over.
"I hope that's what it is. Have you noticed a change in the way you... ah.
Come out?"
"I've not."
He hasn't beat off or his sperm hasn't thickened. Which does he mean?
Hawk Flying Over releases my arm so I can go to my parent's car. I'm glancing
over my shoulder at the man. He has his right hand raised to me. I return his
gesture, open the car door and get in.
"Where should we go?" barks Michael.
Hmm. Mom is up to something and my dad isn't happy about it. Me neither.
I find my voice. "Head downtown. There's a Wal-Mart there so I can buy some
shoes." I'm pushed back into my seat when the car speeds off down the road.
We pass my trailer park. I've left a pair of dress shoes (worn when I'm
teaching class) in my trailer but I don't want to go back there. My stuff has
been hauled off by the park's manager for 'safe keeping' according to Mr.
Augusten. He'd confronted Mr. Cavallero about it who claimed that he's
cleaning out my trailer to get it rented. I'm paid through until May. I
didn't tell the manager that I'm leaving or give him permission to clear out
my belongings.
Mom is peering back at me. I put on a grin for her while a sense of dread
builds in me. She's up to something. I'm not needing to Glean that because I
know her so well. I look out my window for the rest of the way.
The shopping mall comes into sight. Dad parks in the nearly filled lot. We
get out. I notice more men accompanying their wives and kids today. Oh, yeah.
It's Sunday.
I'm rushing through Wal-Mart to the shoe department. A pair of gym shoes
are found in my size. I quickly try them on, return them to the box and head
up front to pay for them.
"Why are you in such a rush?" asks Linda.
"Did you want to get something?"
"No... Nothing. We'd like to enjoy spending this day with you before we
return home."
"What do you want to do today?" I really wanted to ask mom what she's
planning. Dad looks grim. He knows. Mom shrugs her shoulders but from her
smiling face, I know she has something particular in mind. We head for the
parking lot.
We're back in the car. I'm putting on my new gym shoes and place that pair
of moccasins Goes-late-in-the-night had gifted me in their box. Dad hasn't
started the car yet. He turns to his wife for where we're going next.
"We've heard that Havre has some tourist sites. Do you know of any that
you can recommend for us to see?"
She means sites for white folks. I remember reading a brochure that told
about 'Havre Beneath the Streets' when I'd come to this town. Tourist trap
places like an old-time saloon where cowboys supposedly drank and gambled at,
a bordello, an opium den (yuk!), Chinese laundry, barber shop, grocery store
and of course restaurants. My interest in Indians drew me to the reservations.
That had ended in disappointment though. After enduring a bumpy dirt road on
my motorcycle, all I found were run-down shacks, trailers and ranches admits
a desert wasteland. No tipis or half-naked Indians I'd been half expecting to
find. The men I saw wouldn't even glance at me. Most of them were getting
drunk in a bar.
My mom is staring at me, reminding me of what she's asked. "I don't know
what you'd like to see. There's some ol' Western shops." The tone of my
voice lets her know I'm not interested in that. "Ah. There's a fort only a
few miles from town that I've often passed."
"Would you like to go?"
"Sure. I saw trees there that's rather surprising to find in this part of
Montana." Mom is nodding her head.
"We can take a long walk," says Linda. "Wouldn't that be nice?"
I'm clenching my teeth. Walking means having a talk without much chance to
escape it. I don't think I'll be doing the talking. She will. I'm gonna get
an earful from her about why I shouldn't stay in Montana but return home
where I 'belong'. I've Gleaned this. My eyes widen in surprise. :Jes?:
:I'm feeling better. Grandfather has performed a ritual for me. It's
making me feel calm. At peace...:
That explains why I don't Feel my lover sucking so much energy out of me.
I'm about to tell Jesse that my folks are taking me to see a fort but I
Sense that his thoughts are drifting. Sorta like falling into a light sleep.
My dad is asking me something.
"...to get there?" asks Michael.
"Ah. Head south out of town. The fort is only a handful of miles away on
route 87." Dad starts the car.
"Let's find a grocery store first so I can make us a picnic lunch."
Mom means to make a day out of it. I'm scolding myself for thinking badly
of her. My wits have returned (since Jesse isn't draining me) so I feel up
to the challenge of fending her off when she tries persuading me to return to
Indiana. I know she means well. She's my mother.
We're driving through Havre until dad spots a corner market. He parks in
front of the store, mom gets out but I decide to remain in the car. I'm
glancing at my father. He remains silent though. At least I'm not gonna get a
scolding from him for being gay and choosing to be with Jesse.
Mom has entered the grocery store. I lean forward to catch my father's
eyes. He stares back. That has me noticing how he'd been avoiding eye contact
with me all morning. I'm clearing my throat.
"Does your lawyer know when you'll be going to court?"
"No. A date hasn't been set yet. He's hoping that the D.A. will drop the
charges against me."
"When will you know?"
I'm shrugging my shoulders in reply. My father looks haggard. Worn down.
"Dad? Are you really alright?" He takes a deep breath and speaks in a
slurred voice.
"Mike. I don't want you worrying about me."
My eyes flare in alarm.
"I am recovering from my stroke. Otherwise, I wouldn't have taken this
trip out to see you."
"Then you don't have anything... serious to tell me. Mom said you did."
"It doesn't matter now."
That stung. "You came all this way to tell me, dad. What is it?" He meets
my challenge by not dropping his eyes. It's difficult seeing disappointment
in them.
"Well. I had something to ask of you, as my son." Another deep breath.
"I'm realizing that there are fewer years ahead for me than behind me."
"You're gonna live for a long while yet!" Dad nods but not convincingly
so. I'm realizing that he won't always be around for me. His mortality.
That's a sobering thought.
"Mike. I need to know that you'll carry on after me when I'm gone."
"Dad. Don't talk like that!" His eyes flare and I'm lowering my head in
shame when I realize what he meant. "I can't be what you want me to be."
"I know. This is really hard for me. You're going to stay here with him
in spite of what your mother wants."
What does my father want? I look up at him like the little boy he still
thinks I am. He clears his throat and speaks.
"I've told you how proud my father was that I was the first in the family
to graduate from college. Yet in his heart, I knew he had wanted me follow in
his footsteps. He came to accept that I wouldn't be a farmer his father was
before him. What gave him some peace was that I promised to keep the land
they've worked so hard for in the family. That's what I'd come to ask you."
"Not to farm it." Dad shakes his head. That had been stupid of me to say.
He meant that I'll pass the land onto my son. We both know that's not gonna
happen now. "Why not give the land to my sister?"
My father looks away. He's keeping something from me that has to do with
my sister. She and her husband have been trying for a child. None has come.
Does dad know why? Is there something wrong with them? I glance out my window
to look for mom. An awkward silence fills the car. I calm my thoughts to
prevent Gleaning the secret he's keeping from me. If my dad wants me to know,
he'll tell me.
"Your mother wants to have grandchildren."
Dad does too. I notice how he's looking past me as if saying there won't
be any coming from me. That hurts my insides something fierce.
"You're still too young to know what you want," he mutters.
Anger blares in me. I know what I want - to be with Jesse! I'm no longer
his little boy. I've taken a deep breath and release it through my nose. My
father gives me a pained look.
"I'm sorry, Mike. I shouldn't have said that."
My lips are pressed tightly together. Dad looks past me again and I'm
realizing he's looking out for mom. Then our talk will end. I know how
difficult it is for him to be opening up to me. It's not what I want to hear
but he needs to say it. I'm a disappointment for a son.
"You've really helped them Indians from what I've heard."
I'm startled by dad's change in subject. Is he proud of what I've done?
"They need help," I mutter. "You know how it is. I'm doing what I can."
"They're your mother's people. I didn't know that until last night but why
is she so afraid?"
I can't tell him. He wouldn't believe me if I did so I'm shrugging my
shoulders and hoping he won't press me about it.
"Is there a real chance that you could go to jail?"
He's really worried about that. "I don't know. My lawyer says that those
policemen are corrupt and we'll prove it. The Blackfoot are backing me all
the way. It's because of what I've done for them. And more."
"It seems that there's more going on than I can guess. I'd want you to
tell me... Is there anything I can do for you, son?"
Hearing my father's concern squeezes my heart. He still loves me. My nose
pains me when I'm struggling to keep tears from filling my eyes. My mouth
opens. I stop anything from coming out because I can't tell him! We're both
startled when the passenger side door swings opens. It's mom.
"I've bought lunchmeat," says Linda. "We'll have sandwiches, potato salad
and an apple pie for desert. Don't worry. I remembered the milk, you two!"
"Ah. Thanks, mom." I glance at dad who has faced forward, both his hands
gripping the steering wheel in a death hold. She notices that something is
going on.
"Honey. Are you alright?"
"Yes. I'm fine, dear." He starts the engine.
We're leaving Havre behind without anyone saying a word. Mom probably
thinks we've had words or something.
"I want us to have a nice day together."
"We're gonna, mom. Everything's okay. Really. Dad? The fort will be coming
up on your right." I'm looking out my window at the landscape. Winter has
finally broken its grip over the plains. Grass will start reachin' fer the
sky and draw the buffalo herds. It'll be a happy time. To feel the sun over
me back, to hear laughter again and smell them sweet odors of Spring. No more
keepin' to our tipis...
"I see the fort up ahead," says Linda.
I'm lost in my sweet thoughts of yesteryear. An aching fills me heart.
Oh, Owopspec! Where's yer smilin' face fer me? Your brown outstretchin' hand
to help lift me over yer horse so we can race over'd the meadows? I'm missin'
yer arms round me. Listenin' to me even if my words are foolish. The love
showin' in your dark face filled with understanding fer me. Yer want to keep
me happy...
With effort, I return to the Now. As Mike. That's who I must be in front
of my parents but with Jes-ee-ah, I'll be that complete person who is both
Christopher and Mike whom he's named Short Hair.
I wipe my face across my shirt sleeve. I've never felt Christopher's
longing so intense in me. He knows that his lover is still with him, inside
Jesse. At least in spirit. This is my life now. I'm sharing it with my
former self but Owopspec mustn't do the same. We both know that. Chris misses
his lover a lot and wishes things could return to where they were.
I'm startled by a door slamming close. My eyes return to me, seeing mom
peering in through my window. I fumble with opening my door and get out. Dad
is looking around. I'm breathing in deeply. The sun is shining overhead and
makes for a pleasant day. I'm glancing at mom who puts on an assuring grin
for me. We walk over to join her husband in front of a glass enclosed sign.
It's about the historical significants to this place.
Fort Assinniboine. Formally established in May 1879, it became the largest
military fort west of the Mississippi River. 104 buildings within a 40 mile
long by 15 mile wide military reservation. Some of those buildings still
stand. The fort was constructed, in part, after General Custard's defeat at
Little Big Horn. Primary mission... to house a garrison preventing attacks
from some 5,000 Lakota Sioux Indians led by Sitting Bull, and other chiefs
who had fled to safety in Canada after the battle at the Little Big Horn.
600 infantry and cavalry troops were stationed here. Served as a base for
patrols along the Canadian border to prevent smuggling, gun running and to
protect settlers. Became the state's military headquarters responsible for
maintaining control over the Blackfoot Confederacy and other northern Montana
Indian Reservations. Never engaged in any major battles with Indians. The
fort served to promote economic development of the region. An economic
nucleus for establishment and development of Havre. Guided tours available
from June to August originating at the Clark Museum at 306 3rd St. in Havre.
The sign goes on to say that the fort closed in 1911. Congress gave the
buildings and one section of land to Montana which bought an additional 2,000
acres. A big chunk of 30,000 acres was set aside for the Rocky Boy Indian
Reservation. In 1914, the North Montana Branch Experiment Station was
established to conduct agricultural research that continues to this day.
A map shows the top end square of land south of where we're standing that
is now an Indian reservation extending down to Box Elder and east to where
Hawk Flying Over lives. A lot of wasteland as I recall. I'm taking a look
around. There are tree stands, grass at our feet and brick buildings seen in
the distance. It's a very pleasant place. Peaceful. Nothing like the cramped
fort Christopher got himself trapped in. All the trees around Fort Union had
been cut down for fuel. Chris chopped some of that wood himself. 300 steps
in either direction found high fort walls blocking his freedom. Men looked
out from high ramparts for Indians. Some Blackfoot were allowed in to have
their portraits painted by Mr. Catlin. That's how I met a certain handsome
bare butt brave.
My life had awakened with Owopspec at my side! I came into my manhood
because of his love for me. Our People fled west after the many battles with
fort soldiers to hunt the buffalo in peace. That's why I recognize some of
the features to One-white-horse's land: Buffalo Watch Hill and that ever
flowing spring where grandfather's horses can drink from. Ours were a wide
ranging band of Indians. Not stuck on bad land within a certain confines of
the reservation the People occupy today.
I notice my parents staring at me. They've been waiting for me to finish
reading the sign. I have. I've been stuck in thought of long ago days. At my
gesture, dad strides across the grass while mom keeps to my side with her arm
coming around me. I'm feeling mixed emotions. My parents have come all this
way to see me and I am glad they're here. I've been away from Indiana for
three and half months. Away from friends too. And my computer job. All that
seems like years ago with what's happened. I don't get the sense that Indiana
is my home anymore. My roots have dug deep here in Montana both as Mike and
my former self. We've both found happiness from finding love and living
amongst a People unlike any others I have ever known. They're a good gentle
folks once they let you inside. An aching fills my heart. I miss Jesse!
"What's wrong, dear?"
I glance at mom then turn away to wipe the tears filling my eyes. She
feels my aching. We continue walking across the grass to catch up with dad.
I'm bursting to tell her how much I love Jes so she'll understands why I
can't go back to Indiana. That was my childhood home. This is where I've
become a man with responsibilities to my People. I'll die here happy.
We approach a tall brick building set behind some trees. It looks like a
castle tower of all things. Set beside the door is a sign announcing that
this is the Bachelor Officer's Quarters. My father tries going inside. The
wooden door is locked. He turns to us with a shrugging of his shoulders.
"I think everything's closed until June, dad."
We walk around the building until another comes into view. Dad strides on
ahead. Ah. To leave me alone with mom, I'm guessing. I avoid looking at her
by lowering my eyes to the dirt road we're following. My gym shoes are
chafing me. I'm shivering from a cool breeze that's coming from the north.
"It's warmer in Gary," comments Linda. "We're near the Canadian border
so it's no wonder you had a snow storm only last week."
I pull from mom's arm and drop down to my haunches to loosen my shoe
strings. My feet squirm around for some space in these new shoes. I'm slowly
retying them. Mom takes my arm when we continue walking down the road. I'm
looking for dad. He's stepping around the side of a really long building
that's one story in height. Of brick. Lots of windows alternating in height.
"The stables," says Michael. "It's locked up too."
The green grass has disappeared. All around the building are low dry
grasses that one finds after winter. Our shaman would direct the men to set
fires in them to encourage new grass growth to draw the buffalo. This place
looks bleak. Lifeless. I catch sight of a stand of trees in the distance. Mom
sees what I'm looking at and sighs.
"Don't you miss the trees back home?" Linda asks. "Only a few stands here
at the fort and them houses in Havre! I could count with one hand the few
trees to be found along a city block. Our house has, what, six trees?"
"There's four trees in Winna's backyard with a bunch more of 'em beyond."
Mom shrugs her shoulders. We follow the road to the next building. It's a
guard house of brick that reminds me too much of the Havre Police Station.
Dad remains silent but mom offers comments that soon turns to similar
structures she's seen in Indiana. I've noticed the fort's use of bricks like
we have in our houses back in Gary. Winna's home is made out of wood.
During our walk, we pass the NCO Quarters. It's an example of what the
married officers housing was like (two stories, its bricks have been painted
white). We're coming to a building called the Hop Room. This oddly shaped
building is made out of stone. I like the pine trees along one side. Dad
points out an opening so we follow him to it. A workman walks out, startling
us when we were about to enter there. He's black, nearly as tall as my dad
but what catches me by surprise is his grin and friendly eyes. In Indiana,
the black men I've chanced upon were cool and collect with a sharpness in
their eyes for strangers. I'm probably being racists. Can't help it but this
man appears unexpectedly nice.
"How are you?" Michael blurts out.
"Fine. It's a nice day after that storm," the workman answers. "Are you
enjoying the fort?"
Dad nods in reply with a feigned grin. He's wary of blacks. I notice a
peculiar emblem on the man's work jacket. He's holding two empty white
containers in his hands. Ah. They're for water, I Glean. He works for the
agricultural research division set up in the old fort.
"Are all the buildings closed?" asks Michael.
"Yes. Until tours start up in June I'm afraid."
"The buildings look sturdy," comments Linda. "Bricks and stone. From what
we've seen on the outside but they're ah, nice. Does anyone occupy them?"
"No. Not really," the man answers. "When they're opened to the public, all
the original furnishings can be seen that date back to the early 1900's. It's
like stepping back in time to the fort's hey days."
"Uh, thank you."
The man goes around the far side of the building with his water containers
while dad leads us away. His exchange with that black man has me noticing
this separation of races. We're far from Indiana where black people are
treated by whites and how they expect us to treat them. None of that was in
evidence by this workman. He was very pleasant to us.
"Paul has asked about you."
I glance at mom. He's a man who works with me at the company who's really
good with coding. Short and fat, mom's mentioning him now after seeing that
workman. They're both black. "How is he?"
"Oh. He called up last week to ask if there's news about you."
Uh-huh. I'm sure that Dianne had put Paul up to that. I've been ignoring
her emails asking me to so some coding work while I'm on vacation. "What did
you tell Paul?"
"Nothing much. Not about the ah, trouble you're in of course. He said that
Dianne can't wait until you're back working for her."
I knew it. "Mom. That job has been killing me." She slows her pace.
"Then find something else to do when you come back home. Mrs. Winnapah
said that you're a fine teacher. I knew that. Your skill with computers can
come out that way or in some other related profession. Indianapolis has many
opportunities to offer you. I don't expect you'll find that around here."
I'm letting that slide for now. I don't want a confrontation with her
that'll ruin our day together. Dad has walked on ahead to the next building.
"Do you miss your friends?"
A different angle of attack from mom. "Some. But most of them work with me
in the office. You've told me they're just a bunch of computer nerds like I
was... before." Did she pick up on my hint?
"Do you know when you'll be going to court?"
"Not yet. My lawyer is trying to get the D.A. to drop their charges. I
hope they do! It's been hard having this dark cloud hanging over my head."
"I'm sure it'll all go away..."
Mom tightens her arm around me as if never letting go. She worries about
me going to jail. I am too! Then I'll be parted from those I love. My mom,
dad and of course, Jesse. We'll still be Together in thought but that's not
the same as being in his arms. A sense of dread comes over me. I'm hanging
my head.
"You could run away," whispers Linda.
"Huh?" I turn to face my mother. "That won't solve anything. This isn't
some local trouble that I can fly from by returning to Indiana."
In a low voice. "If you think there's a chance you're going to jail, I'd
rather you run away than chance it. Not back to Indiana. They'd look for you
there. No. I mean Canada or you could hide out in Mexico or something. I've
heard the horror stories of what happens to young men in prison!"
"Mom. My lawyer says we're gonna beat those charges. Those were corrupt
police officers making all that trouble for me. One is dead. The other is on
the run for murdering him along with a woman they were working for."
"Oh! I didn't know that," gasps Linda. "That's why Mrs. Winnapah's house
is under guard." She looks around. "Would he come after you?"
"No. He's on the run like I've said. We don't know who else is in league
with him so that's why tribesmen are watching over Jesse's house." At the
mention of my lover's name, pain is seen in mom's eyes. Not because I'm gay
and have chosen to be with him so much as what Jesse represents. That 'loss'
of myself to the Indians her mother had forewarned from Seeing that. It's
already happened. It wasn't to the Blackfoot but my former self. Chris has
Merged with me. I've told mom this last night. I'm not up to going over it
again and upsetting her more than she already is.
"I want you to know that your father and I will help you. No matter what
happens or what you decide you should do if... things look bad. We know you
don't deserve to go to jail. I'd rather you run from here than face that!"
"I'm not going to jail, mom." Her eyes look deep into mine for a moment.
In a whisper, "I won't be going back to Indiana afterwards either." Mom's
face turns to stone.
"What are you going to do about your car parked in our garage?" she asks.
"You can have it or give it to my sister."
"You've left all your belongings in your apartment."
"My rent is paid through until June. I'll collect everything later or
someone could put it all in storage for me."
"But your life's back there!" gasps Linda. "You're just going to leave it
all behind? Us with it?"
"No, mom. You can come visit me here anytime you want or I'll come down to
see you. As to my life 'back there', I'll only be leaving behind coworkers
from a job that's burned me out. I'm tired of programming computers."
"How will you support yourself here?" Linda asks in a firmer voice.
"I've got money in the bank. I'm still being paid Royalties to those three
computer programs selling in the stores." I don't mention how much of my
savings will be going to pay off Winna's mortgage.
"You've made this decision so suddenly! Your father and I didn't know
until yesterday. We've raised you and want to help you decide what's best for
your life!"
"I can make decisions for myself. I'm a man now and not your little boy
anymore. Please, mom! Accept that I'm gonna stay here with Jesse and help
his tribe."
"You... You've only known him for a short time. How can you make such an
important decision based on that?"
"Well. If I'm wrong, I'll leave Havre. But mom, I KNOW that this is the
right thing for me to do. I love Jesse with all my heart! He loves me, needs
me to be with him. All this trouble I'm in is because I was helping him and
his tribe against some bad men. The Blackfoot Nation is behind me. They're my
People now."
"Then you have lost yourself to them. And I've lost my son."
I gasp when my mother collapses to the ground. I'm quick to kneel at her
side with my hands under her arms, lifting, but she won't get up. Dad is
running towards us. I look at mom and see defeat in her eyes. Her sense of
hopelessness and despair. It pains my heart to see her feeling this way. Dad
comes to our side. He's helping me lift mom up from the ground.
"Linda! Are you alright? Can you stand?"
"Yes... I think so."
Mom peers at me with a bit of hope in her eyes as if me seeing her so
distressed will change my mind, that I'm a terrible son for not considering
her feelings. I have to look away. Dad and I help mom walk back to the car.
In silence. She's able to walk on her own after a while. With a gentle yet
firm nudge, I'm pushed away. Dad continues holding her in his right arm while
I walk at their side feeling dejected.
Soft grass comes under our feet. The parking lot is just up ahead. Mom
starts walking towards a picnic table and plops down. I won't meet her gaze.
What I'm Gleaning from her is this fine act she's putting on. Even without my
special ability, I'd recognize this in her from having done it in the past
when she's tried to get her way. It's rather childish. I peer at dad who
won't meet my eyes, well aware that he realizes this himself.
"Shall I get the food from the car?" asks Michael.
"I'm not hungry," Linda answers. "Not unless the two of you are."
I sit down opposite of mom. Dad sits right beside her with his arm coming
around her waist. They look at each other for a moment.
"Are you feeling better, dear?"
"A little." She glares at her son.
"Linda. You have to let the boy go! He has his own life to live and we
can't decide what that's going to be for him. He's going to do what he wants
in spite of us. Look. I don't like having him so far away but that's that.
It's not like we can't come to see him here. He'll come for visits with us."
Dad looks at me. "He's right, mom. I've already told you that."
"I think these people have brain washed you or something to work for
them!" accuses Linda.
I'm shocked by what she's said. I fear that she'll blurt out what I've
told her last night on the porch in front of dad. In Siksika: "Mom. How can
you raise a bad word against OUR People? Your mom was half Blackfoot. Was
she a bad person? The Blackfoot do not have bad hearts! They need my help and
I've given it though that's gotten me in trouble with my own people. Those
guardians of the law had acted with evil in their hearts."
"Yes. You've helped return a sacred belonging to the tribe. Why can't you
return home after all this trouble blows like smoke up into the wind?
"You know why. Would you deny me the happiness that I have found?"
"Jesse is but a child," whispers Linda.
"No. He is a man as I am and we've chosen each other. Winna has welcomed
me to stay in her home to be with her son. Her heart is at peace about this
thing. She is happy for us."
"What. What's going on?" Michael asks.
We both turn to him. "I'm sorry, dad. We should have spoken in English so
you could understand."
"You can speak Indian?"
I'm nodding at my father. "It is my mother's tongue."
"You see!" Linda shouts. "You're losing yourself to them. Speaking Siksika
just proves that. They're making you work for them and see the trouble
they've gotten you in? I want to take you away from that. Please. Come home
with us. Let me save you before it's too late!"
I've kept my eyes on dad and ignore what mom has said. He's growing wide
in the eyes.
"Mike. What does your mother mean?"
I'm closing my eyes and take a deep breath. How much should he be told?
I open my eyes and speak. "Mom is just upset. She wants me to return home."
"Yes. I want that. But if you're facing going to jail, we'd want you to
flee to Canada. Your father and I are in agreement about this."
"I won't. A man faces his troubles or they'll just follow him." My father
nods in agreement but he's still troubled.
"Mike. What does your mother mean about saving you? She's talking about
the Indians, isn't she?"
Another deep breath is taken. "My grandmother told her something when I
was born. A warning that..."
Linda blurts out, "My mother had the Sight. She told me that my son would
lose himself to Him. And it's happened! Michael. Haven't you heard how
strangely your son talks? And I don't just mean about him being able to
speak Siksika. He has changed before our eyes. The son we've raised is being
taken over by Him. I want to save him from that. Help me get our son away
from here!"
"Who is this Him?" Michael asks.
Mom is glaring at me. Dad expects an answer that's gonna have to come from
my lips. "She's taking what her mother had told her the wrong way. Only a
shaman who's been trained can interpret visions to known what they mean."
"I don't understand," says Michael. "Who is this Him!"
"My former self," I whisper. There. I've said it.
"That's what upset me last night, Michael. I heard our son admit that he's
been taken over by Him and we've seen this with our own eyes!"
"How is our son being taken over?"
Mom doesn't answer so he looks to me for an explanation. I can't find the
right words to say. Dad will think I'm crazy and he will try to do as his
wife's asked - take me away from here for 'my own sake'. That's what she was
planning to do today.
"Please tell me," Michael begs.
I'm grinding my teeth together. A sharp pain is felt from my stomach
because I'm feeling trapped. Anything I say will be used by mom to prove
there's something wrong with me. I'm worried about my father. He's suffered a
stroke and our arguing isn't helping that any. Crazy talk he couldn't
possibly understand could drive him over the edge. I remain silent. Mom
speaks up though.
"Your son told me last night that he's been possessed by a former self.
Someone called Christopher who'd lived in the 1800's."
"He told you that?" laughs Michael.
"It's not possession." Dad's mouth closes. He glares at me to say more.
"I'm not gonn... going to repeat myself because mom has obviously taken it
the wrong way. It will sound crazy. And I'm worried about you, dad. You've
not recovered from your stroke yet."
"I'm strong enough," Michael retorts. "If you told your mother something
last night and she has it wrong, then tell me."
"She's using it to try getting me back to Indiana," I say in defense.
"I'll be the judge of that."
I'm squirming over the bench. I'll try another approach. "You know that
I'm gay. Jesse is too. His mom knows yet she's letting me stay in her house
to be with him. We've helped the Blackfoot recover a sacred belonging those
corrupt policeman tried taking away from Jes. That man who'd rented my
trailer before me had hidden it under the floor boards in his bedroom before
that same officer came to murder him. The tribe's shaman surrendered it to
the police for safe keeping to prevent more people from being murdered over
it. This bundle has been stolen from the police or it was given to that man.
He's murdered that corrupt policeman I struck when he was running out of
Winna's house with his gun pointed at Jesse. He murdered a collector in
illegal Native artifacts to prevent her from getting him in trouble. That's
why Jesse's house is being guarded but now he's on the run because the
police know about what he's done. My lawyer will prove this so I won't go to
jail. I'm gonna stay here with Jesse and his mom, help their tribe like I
did when that old man's trailer was sinking in the mud. I've chosen this
path in life to serve people. Do you think I've chosen badly?"
My father is absorbing what I've said. Mom looks like she's going to get
the subject back to me being possessed. I'm trying to catch my breath.
"No... no," mutters Michael. "You are doing good for them folks. I don't
like, ah. You know. You being with that Indian kid but his mom knows better
than me and she seems okay with it. I'm needing to get over that you are.
You're my son and... I love you no matter what. Please know that."
"I do, dad. I love you too! This has all been a shock to you both I know.
I'm not sorry for what I am. No one made me gay. I was born that way. Yet
for the first time in my life I'm not hiding it. Jesse makes me very happy!
I'm going to be with him for the rest of my life, not like what you hear
about... gay guys." I'm looking at my father for his understanding. Maybe
that's too much to expect. Can he just accept it?
When I dare look at mom, the challenge in her eyes fades. She looks down
at her hands folding in front of her over the picnic table. I'm feeling
relieved. What I'd told her last night had been in confidence and she'd
promised not to tell dad. Maybe she's remembering that now.
Michael releases a tense breath. "There is more going on that I... your
mother and I don't know about."
I'm nodding. Mom knows some of it but I'm glad she's keeping silent.
"Does that old man I met at Mrs. Winnapah's house know?"
"Yes. He's Jesse's grandfather and shaman of the Blackfoot Nation. I've
turned to him for guidance."
"Well. I think that you're in good hands then but if you feel the need to
talk with your old man... call me."
I'm smiling. "I will, dad." Relief fills me now that that's settled.
"Is anyone hungry?" asks Michael.
We're driving through Havre. It's after four but I don't think any of us
are up to seeing more tourist sights. I'm exhausted. Part of me feels bad
that I won't be spending the rest of the day with my parents before they
leave for Indiana tonight. I expect they'll drop me off at Winna's and return
to their motel to rest before their flight. Hmm. Did they already check out
of their room this morning?
Dad pulls into the driveway. Hawk Flying Over's jeep is gone along with
Charlie's pickup. I recognize Running Water's red truck parked at the curb.
He's not inside it. My father shuts the engine off. I pause from opening my
door. A thought strikes me. "Do you want to come inside for a while?"
"I think we'd like that," answers Michael.
My shoe box is tucked under my arm when we approach the front door. Dad is
right behind me but mom is dragging her feet. She looks tired. I turn to her
before going into the house. "Mom? If you'd like, go take a rest in our...
Jesse's bedroom before your flight." No answer from her. I open the door and
we come inside. Running Water rushes to meet us in the hall.
"Mike! Ah. Jesse's grandfather and an Elder are talking with your lawyer
in the front room." His eyes flare in warning.
I turn to my parents. Dad nods that he understands. "Would the two of you
like to rest in Jesse's room?"
"Sure. Lead the way."
I take my parents down the long hall, point out the bathroom that mom is
eager to make use of. My father and I will wait for her just outside the
kitchen. Winna is busy preparing dinner. When she notices us, I'm giving her
a gesture to continue what she's doing without making a fuss over us. Jes
comes from the dining room into the kitchen. His eyes glare at me to Think to
him. I've been shutting myself off from him these past hours. Everything
that I'm feeling bursts out of me. :Oh, love!:
:Are you alright?: Asks Jesse. :Did it go well with your parents?:
:No. Not really. But how about you? Did you rest after grandfather
performed his ritual?:
:I slept some.: Jesse glances back towards the dining room. :Grandfather,
Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn and your lawyer are talking in front. Are your
parents leaving or are they...:
:I've offered to let them rest in your bedroom before their flight. That's
okay with you, isn't it? I should have asked you first.:
:It's your bedroom too, love. Sure. I can see that you're tired after your
outing so they must be tired too. Let me run ahead to our bedroom to make it
ready for them.:
Jesse turns to his mom and whispers something. The woman glances at my
father then she returns to the pot on her stove. :Jes. Can you take this shoe
box from me? My moccasins are inside it.: I'm handing it over to my lover. He
scurries off towards the back of the house. My father touches my shoulder. I
turn to him and see puzzlement on his face.
"He knows."
"What?" I gasp.
"Your friend is getting the bedroom ready for us." Michael hesitates to
say more but he does. "I've seen that Look on both your faces before. It's an
Indian way of speaking to each other. Isn't it?" He touches his head.
I'm barely nodding my head. Dad's eyes widen. "Please! Don't tell anyone."
Mom comes out of the bathroom. Dad leaves my side to relieve himself so I
step into the kitchen for Winna's 'protection' against what my mother might
say if we had remained in the hall.
"Did you have a good time?" Winna asks. She's already thinking better for
having asked that.
Mom remains silent. "We went to that fort outside town. There are lots of
old brick buildings and I liked seeing trees after being away from Indiana
these past months."
"Would you like to take dinner with us?" Winna asks.
"Yes, thank you." Linda steps closer to the Indian woman. "Please forgive
my conduct from last night. My heart was filled with woe and had me acting
badly before a good host."
Winna gasps. Mom had spoken to her in Siksika. She looks at me to read my
face (I'm smiling) before she addresses my mother in like kind.
"I understand. You are forgiven, mother of my son's... companion."
Winna was about to say 'pairing' which would have been closer in Siksika
to describe my relationship with Jesse.
"It is difficult to know this thing between our sons," says Linda. "How
did you get over it?"
"I haven't. Yet my heart has managed to cast out the worry that comes from
a mother's concern you must be feeling now."
"It is a deep hurt to my heart."
My mother glares at me but I don't flinch because I'm not to blame. This
is becoming difficult. Do they expect me to say something?
:Get your butt out of there and help me,: Jesse Sends.
I have been acting stupid! I'm running from the two women to join my
lover in our bedroom.
:You need to let them talk, silly.:
:Yeah. I'd have figured that out in a moment.:
:Probably after saying something you shouldn't,: Jesse teases.
:You're right about that.:
In the space of a few heartbeats, I enter our bedroom and close the door
behind me. Jes rushes into my arms. I'm safe again! It's the same warm
feeling I have when returning to my mother's house after coming home from
summer camp or getting beat up by a bully or... No. Being with Jesse is much
more than that. I look deep into his eyes and know this is where I belong
for the rest of my life.
I'm wetting my lips and he kisses me. :Oh, Jesse!:
I find myself panting for breath against his soft cheek. Our hands rub
over each other's backs while below, we get tingling dicks. I'm looking
towards our bed.
:Later, love! Your parents will be coming to rest here soon. I've removed
mom's fetish from under our blanket, put away Brown Bear and straightened
out the sheets and blanket. Do you think it looks alright?:
I reluctantly let my lover go. We walk up to the bed. Jesse has done a
good job and I Tell him so. I'm looking around the room and cringe that my
parents will see his posters on the wall, nightlight by the bed and other
things that will confirm their thinking that Jes is only a kid.
:We can't help what others think,: Says Jesse.
I smile at my lover. :What matters is how we feel for each other.: We're
looking towards the door to make sure it's still closed before we hug again.
A long tight grinding one admits kisses, butt pulling and that utter mingling
of our thoughts and emotions making us as One.
Jesse and I are sitting over the coffee table. Grandfather and Elder
Quiet-before-the-dawn have the couch. Mr. Talbert sits in a chair taken from
the dining room. Running Water has returned to his truck on guard duty in
front of the house. I didn't get the chance to even say 'hi' to him. He'd
turned tail and fled the house after my parents came inside. They're resting
in our bedroom.
Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn is telling me that a strong presentation to
the D.A. will be made tomorrow with statements he hopes will get the charges
against me dropped. He reads from his yellow pad:
Jesse's complaint statement will say that he was assaulted by Eli Kie
outside Mike's trailer in his attempt to take the tribe's Power Bundle from
him by force. He suffered head blows resulting in a black eye, dizziness and
his hair was pulled. When Mike came out of the trailer in answer to his
cries, Eli Kie pointed his gun at Mike. He did not identify himself as a
police officer. Mr. Augusten came to their aid by holding his rifle on the
man, getting him to release Jesse. When Officer Hawk-swooping-down arrived,
he ordered Eli Kie to drop his gun and arrested him. Jesse and Mike were
told to leave the scene for their safety and to get Jesse medical aid.
Jesse's next statement describes how Lt. Danielson ran out of his
mother's house with his gun pointed at him to shoot before Mike defended him.
Jesse refutes Danielson's claim that he was the 'young man of Native
American heritage' climbing out Mike's bedroom window on April 16th because
he was in school at the time.
Winna's complaint statement will say that five Havre Police Officers had
forced their way into her uncle's house (Shaman He-who-runs-up-mountains) on
April 20th with an improper search warrant held to her face and after their
fruitless search, threatened her that if Mike didn't give myself up that
someone would get hurt. She's also complaining that her house had been
entered by Lt. Danielson on April 19th without a warrant to remove items
belonging to her guest (Mike) from the front hall.
All the Blackfoot Tribal Elders will sign a complaint that their tribe's
Power Bundle their shaman had surrendered to the Havre Police on April 21st
for 'safe keeping' during its dispute of ownership (by Eli Kie) had been
stolen from the police evidence room. Their statement describes what the
Nahtoya Ponokah Nah-tos Kits tah kee (elk skin bound mystery-man's medicine
sacrifice) looks like, its contents, and that oral history tells of it last
being in the arms of Shaman Good-eyes in his burial cave. The suggestion is
that Eli Kie is a ghoul for having removed it. He has no legitimate claim.
Their statement ends with a warning that dire consequences will result when
their People learn that the police have 'lost' their tribe's Power Bundle,
proving corruption in their ranks.
Shaman He-who-runs-up-mountains will sign a complaint that his house had
been entered by five Havre police officers on April 19th without a warrant as
witness by his niece, Mrs. Winnapah.
Officer Hawk-swooping-down's statement will describe his part in what
happened. It began when he was investigating Ron Earlman's murder and thought
that a police officer had done it. He learned from Mike (translating Ron's
diary zerox) that Miss Thomas had been caught with an illegal Native artifact
and tried bribing Ron to remain silent. Failing that, she offered Ron
information. The diary gives the names, addresses and illegal artifacts of
collectors that she provided Ron to investigate. Eli Kie was one of those
names Miss Thomas had given Ron. Hawk-swooping-down learned that Lt. Scott
Danielson was 'on the pay' by collectors of illegal Native artifacts. He
warned Mike about this corrupt police officer.
On April 19th, he received a call from Mike saying that Jesse and him had
figured out where Ron Earlman has hidden the tribe's Power Bundle. He asked
them to wait outside Mrs. Winnapah's house for him (half hour's ride from
where he was in Chinook) but they'd gone on ahead to Mike's trailer to get it
without him. He went to the trailer park upon arrival in Havre and found Mr.
Augusten holding a rifle on a man still wielding his hand gun. He was
informed by Jesse and Mike that this man attacked them to steal the tribe's
Power Bundle. Jesse suffered head blows and couldn't keep on his feet
without Mike supporting him. Mr. Augusten informed the officer that he had
seen the assault and came running to help. Though Eli Kie claimed he was an
officer, he was not in uniform and his actions to 'reclaim his property'
were done illegally. He arrested Eli Kie. Mike and Jesse were personally
known to him and he recognized the bundle as that being sought by his tribe.
He told them to leave the scene with it and for Jesse to seek medical aid.
The Havre Police were on the way and he feared Lt. Danielson might be among
them and try getting the tribe's Power Bundle taken as evidence that later
would find its way back to Eli Kie.
At no time did he observe Eli Kie use a phone to warn Lt. Danielson that
Mike and Jesse had escaped his custody. (This refutes Danielson's statement
that the reason he was as Jesse's house was because of that call to arrest
Mike.) When the Havre Police arrived on the scene, they verified Eli Kie's
identification as an undercover officer from Helena and release him over
Hawk-swooping-down's objections. Mike called to tell him that Lt. Danielson
had rushed out of Mrs. Winnapah's house with his gun pointed at Jesse and he
defended his friend from getting shot. Mike asked that an ambulance be
summoned for Lt. Danielson.
I'm to sign a complaint that the Havre Police violated my civil rights on
several occasions. I was placed in a padded cell without cause and taunted by
my guard watching me from security cameras in that hell hole. The Elder jots
down what my guard had said to me through a speaker when he saw me crying:
"You're not so brave now, huh? We like to keep an eye on monsters. No place
for you to run and hide." That guard then laughed at me. The next morning,
Doctor Milestone found me delusional and suffering from dehydration before my
arraignment hearing. The next civil rights violation occurred when Lt. John
Danielson (brother to Lt. Scott Danielson) had me brought to the Havre Police
station for questioning on April 22nd without my attorney present.
I'll sign a statement about what took place on April 16th during Lt. Scott
Danielson's visit with me at my trailer when he took Ron Earlman's diary from
me, didn't place me under arrest and left.
Another statement I'll sign describes what happened on April 19th when I
saw Eli Kie attacking Jesse outside my trailer and pointed his gun at me
when I was walking down the steps. I was unarmed. Eli Kie didn't identify
himself as a police officer, didn't arrest me but was intent on stealing the
Power Bundle from Jesse until my neighbor, Mr. Augusten came to our rescue
by pointing his rifle at the man telling him to drop his hand gun. He refused
to do so. Officer Hawk-swooping-down arrived and arrested Eli Kie. We were
told to leave the scene for our own safety and to get my friend's injuries
tended to.
Yet another statement says that on April 19th, Lt. Danielson was seen in
Mrs. Winnapah's house and came out running with his gun drawn to shoot Jesse
running towards the street. I defended my friend from this corrupt police
officer who wanted the tribe's Power Bundle. We'd just come from Eli Kie's
assault back at my trailer. I called Officer Hawk-swooping-down to tell him
what happened and asked for an ambulance for Lt. Danielson. His patrol car
was found parked nine houses away so Jesse and I wouldn't know he'd been
searching his mother's house. Later, the things Danielson had stolen from my
laptop bag in Mrs. Winnapah's hallway were returned to me by Captain Ruston
through my attorney because he agrees that his officer had removed them from
the house without legal cause. Lt. Danielson feared my English translations
from a zerox of Ron Earlman's diary would show that he was a 'dirty cop' for
having helped Miss Thomas, a collector of illegal Native artifacts. Eli Kie
is also mentioned in Ron's diary for dealing in stolen Native artifacts.
Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn had read all this from his yellow pad and took
notes to clarify points I'd given him. My attorney will draft statements for
all of us to sign tomorrow and present them to the D.A. by representatives of
the Blackfoot Nation. I look at Mr. Talbert. His face is grim so I can tell
he's not happy about something. Oh. It's the statements. They weren't his
idea? I ask my lawyer, "Do you think this will work?"
"Well, Mike. It'll give the D.A. a clearer picture about the motives of
Officers Eli Kie and Lt. Danielson when they acted under color of uniform to
perform illegal acts. Your civil rights were violated by the Havre Police
that in itself could release you from those charges if evidence can be found
to back up your claims. It also looks bad that Shaman He-who-runs-up-
mountains' house was searched without a warrant, the tribe's Power Bundle was
lost from the police evidence room and Mrs. Winnapah's house was entered by
Lt. Danielson to remove items without a warrant which were later returned to
you by Captain Ruston. When Mr. Augusten's and Mr. Cavallero's statements
given to the police combine with all of your statements, they'll refute most
or in part the statements given by Officers Eli Kie and Lt. Danielson."
"Then what troubles you?" I ask.
"I think it's too much information to hand over to the D.A." Mr. Talbert
glances at the Elder. "The prosecutor must know by now that Officer Eli Kie
is a tainted witness for them. Mr. Augusten's statement refutes his and that
officer is being sought for questioning to Lt. Danielson's and Miss Thomas'
murders. Lt. Danielson's misconduct is still not well proven. Your statements
and Jesse's refute his but obviously, they're self serving. At least Mr.
Cavallero's statement refutes Lt. Danielson's claim that he'd arrested you on
the 16th."
This is the second time that my lawyer mentioned Mr. Cavallero. "Uhm. I
didn't know that my park manager has made a statement."
"Sorry, Mike. That's what brought me to your house. I'd suggested to
Detective Peterson that he question Mr. Cavallero on the pretense of asking
that man why he removed belongings from your trailer. He was brought in this
morning to the police station. A theft complaint was used as a bluff to get
that man to talk. Mr. Cavallero said that he told Lt. Danielson that you'd
taken the Indian drum and Ron Earlman's little black book from him on the
15th. After Lt. Danielson visited you on the 16th, Mr. Augusten reported that
your trailer door was left open to the park manager. Mr. Cavallero realized
that you were gone. He called Lt. Danielson to ask if you'd been arrested. He
told him no! Danielson said you'd been spooked by his visit and fled. That's
why your park manager started clearing out your trailer so it could be
rented. All of your stuff is in storage so you can get it from him any time
you want to."
"I'll do that tomorrow." Mr. Talbert has more to tell me.
"Anyway, Mr. Cavallero went on to say that he called Lt. Danielson on the
19th to report seeing you and your Indian friend walking to your trailer. He
didn't know that was Jesse or where he lives. Remember that piece of paper
you found on Danielson? That officer was given Jesse's name and address from
someone else. Maybe it was Eli Kie."
"I knew Mr. Cavallero had seen Jesse and me walking to my trailer that
Saturday morning. He called Lt. Danielson like I thought he would! Why did he
go to Jesse's house? Not to wait for us there because according to Officer
Hawk-swooping-down's statement, he didn't see Eli Kie calling Danielson to
let him know we'd 'escaped' his custody at my trailer and to arrest us at
the house."
Mr. Talbert smiles grimly. "I think Lt. Danielson went to Jesse's house
to get Ron's diary zerox and your laptop's hard drive where you kept the
English renderings." He faces the Elders. "You must consider the possibility
that someone in your council is leaking information. Who knew that Mike was
working on translating Ron's diary from a zerox he'd made?"
Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn and grandfather exchange worried glances. I'm
going through the names of everyone who knew about that. There's Jesse,
Running Water, Officer Hawk-swooping-down, Hawk Flying Over, Mr. Talbert and
these two men. I can't believe any one of them told Lt. Danielson!
"It was spoken of at council," says Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn.
"None of the tribal Elders or chiefs would of spoken of this to anyone?"
asks Mr. Talbert.
"No," answers Shaman He-who-runs-up-mountains firmly.
"Hmm. Perhaps Lt. Danielson happened onto the diary zerox in the front
hall and recognized it for what it was for having taken the original diary
from Mike. He could of translated Ron's entries to learn that Miss Thomas was
mentioned in it and feared his involvement with her would come to light."
I hear the doubt in Mr. Talbert's voice. Why was Danielson in Jesse's
house that morning? Did he see us leave and use that opportunity to search
it? We'd left the front door unlocked because Jesse had forgotten to get his
mother's key from her bedroom in our rush to get to my trailer.
"It's possible that Lt. Danielson hoped to find your tribe's Power Bundle
in the house and sell it to Miss Thomas," says Mr. Talbert. "We don't know
why he was there. Only that when you and Jesse came back after your
confrontation with Eli Kie, that officer ran out with his gun pointed at
Jesse. The most serious charge against you is assault on a police officer.
He was tripped off the porch and fell, breaking his hip. You punched him into
unconsciousness. The D.A. is not going to easily dismiss that charge because,
I'm sad to say, it was a brutal attack. The subsequent murder of that officer
will generate a sympathy vote with the jury because you were the one who'd
put him in the hospital, Mike."
A hard lump forms in my throat. I try swallowing past it before asking,
"Am I likely going to jail because of it? Danielson would have shot Jesse!"
"Mike. We need to prove that Lt. Danielson was 'dirty' and that you were
in fear of your life and that of your friend's to counter that charge against
you. I think we're tipping the D.A. off to our defense strategy by giving him
these statements. The prosecutor will be given time to 'correct' things to
strengthen his case against you. These statements let him know that we know
what's taken place. His witnesses are officers who must be shown to be
corrupt in the eyes of the jury so they'll forgive your actions against Lt.
Danielson when you attacked him. I just don't know."
Grandfather speaks up. "If the charges are not to drop, I say my people
that the police lost our Power Bundle. We to hold a protest outside the
Havre Police station as before. Reporters come. They to be told what happen
that change the D.A.'s heart not to go to court."
"Would you be able to keep your demonstration peaceful?" asks Mr. Talbert.
"If officers are hurt, that could lead to a war in this town. Nobody wants
that to happen."
"That why I not yet say my People that our Power Bundle was stolen. The
D.A. should fear our wrath. Drop charges from Short Hair and peace be it."
If this matter wasn't so serious, I'd be smiling at grandfather's broken
English. His heart is set on doing this thing for me. Elder Quiet-before-
the-dawn supports him along with the rest of the tribal chiefs.
"Can I have a word with you, Mike? Alone."
"Sure." No one objects so I follow Mr. Talbert outside to the front porch.
We look towards the curb and see Running Water sitting inside his red pickup
truck, too far to overhear us.
"Mike. The Blackfoot Nation has hired me to be your attorney but I answer
only to you. As my client, I'm trying to defend you against some serious
charges. Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn surprised me today with his plan to
present statements to the D.A. but he's not your attorney anymore. I am."
"Okay. I hear you."
"We've had an unprotected conversation in there. I shouldn't have allowed
our defense strategies to be heard by the shaman or Jesse because the D.A.
could bring them in for questioning and learn what was said."
My eyes flare in alarm. Mr. Talbert holds up his hand in assurance.
"I don't think the D.A. or the police will risk doing that. The situation
is already pretty touching between them and the Blackfoot so they don't want
to risk a war erupting in this town."
"Do you advise me not to give my statements to the D.A.?"
"Well. I wouldn't want to give them anything in writing that could be used
against you in court."
"All I'd be telling is the truth! I want to explain myself to them about
what happened."
"Mike. The D.A. and his prosecuting attorney couldn't give a rat's ass for
the truth, only what they could use against you in court. It's the jury who
must be convinced of your innocence."
"But if our statements can convince the D.A. to drop their charges out of
fear that corruption will be revealed in their ranks, it won't go to court."
Mr. Talbert seems to be considering what I've said. When he's about to object
I blurt out, "There's more going on than you know about."
"Like what?"
Now I've gone and done it! I'm wetting my lips while deciding how much I
should say. "You have seen for yourself how dangerous Eli Kie is." My eyes
flare. "To the Blackfoot, he is regarded not just as a bad man but someone
who works for Evil. He has murdered people and tried stealing the tribe's
Power Bundle. You've asked me why the shaman had surrendered it to the
police. I'll tell you. Grandfather wanted to prevent more deaths from
occurring by Eli Kie's lust to have it back no matter what. We knew that
evil man would manage to take it from the evidence room. That didn't matter.
The Power Bundle was dead when he got his hands on it."
"I don't understand."
"Just know that its value to Eli Kie was... removed from the bundle before
the shaman surrendered it to the police. A Trickst... A man who serves Evil
fears discovery and his Dark power over the People flees like a shadow under
the bright Light of truth."
"You're talking way over my head, Mike. I work with facts and present
evidence in a court of law to make the truth known."
"I am Short Hair. Mike thought as you do but I've seen things that would
shake the very foundation of your beliefs."
Mr. Talbert swallows nervously. "You've already given me a glimpse."
Yeah. He knows about my former self and believes it after I'd translated
some old Siksika text recording what Blackfoot Chief Gazes-up-at-the-mountain
had said in 1892. "Just know that there is a truth beyond what you know. I've
dared to tell you as much as I could. You are acting as my lawyer to defend
me and I really appreciate it. The Blackfoot Elders are acting to thwart an
evil man in their own way."
"Is there anything they know that can help your defense?"
I'm slowly shaking my head. "They've told you what they can. I understand
that you can only work with facts and evidence. It doesn't do any good to
tell you that I KNOW Eli Kie murdered Ron Earlman or that as Brave Eli Kie,
he murdered my former self."
"Mike!"
"Now you see what I mean. Knowing is one thing but proving it is another
matter all together. Yet the tribal Elders can protect their People with such
knowledge and act in ways that would seem like, ah, Indian magic to you. I
have seen this." My lips press tightly together. Jes has been following what
I've told Mr. Talbert but he warns me to stop now. I can see that I've shaken
this man up. In a low voice, "Don't press the Elders to explain any of what
I've told you. They won't. You are my attorney and I respect that but so must
I respect what Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn and the shaman have asked of us.
Unless you are dead set against me giving statements to the D.A., let's go
with them."
Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn has left with Mr. Talbert. They're gonna iron
out the details at my lawyer's house and get all the statements prepared for
signing tomorrow. Grandfather is resting his eyes. Jesse has gone to sit
beside him on the couch while I remain on the coffee table deep in thought.
It's gotta work! The D.A. will realize the trouble they're in to uphold those
charges against me by them corrupt officers. One of them is dead. But that's
the real sticking point because my attack on Danielson had sent him to the
hospital. I was so angry to see him running out of Winna's house with his gun
pointed at Jes. My fists struck him again and again. I would have killed him
if my lover didn't shout for me to stop. Maybe I do deserve to go to jail for
attacking that police officer the way I did.
:I'm worried for you, love!:
I lift my head to peer over at Jesse. Damn! My thoughts were too loud and
he's picked up on my fears. :I'm worried too.: There's no denying the truth
when we're Mind Speaking.
:If it looks like you are going to jail, I'd want you to flee to Canada
like your parents suggested.:
My eyes flare. Jes had been peeking inside my head during my outing this
afternoon. I'd closed myself off from him or so I thought.
:No, love. I couldn't Reach you then because I'd been asleep. You were
thinking about that just now.:
Maybe I was. So many thoughts have been flying around my head. I'm glad
that we're finally explaining our side of the story. Maybe the D.A. will back
off. Jesse is falling into a gloomy mood. I've Felt that from him before and
fear what that can lead to! My arms lift towards my lover to coax him over to
me. He slowly rises from the couch. I'm scooting back along the coffee table
so he can sit beside me. Jes doesn't. Instead, he comes to sit in my lap with
his long legs locking around my butt. We hold each other really tight. He
feels so slim in my arms, like a boy, and trembling from being scared. His
face presses into my neck. He's crying. "Shhhh, Jes. It's gonna be alright."
:You can't give up hope!:
:Me? I'm not. You're the one who's crying, my love but it's okay. You
let them tears fall.: After a long moment, Jes peers at me. My heart aches
to see sadness marring his cute brown face.
:You shouldn't feel guilty for what you did to that police officer. He was
a bad man.:
:I can't help it. We don't really know if he was gonna shoot you. My
lawyer thinks that Danielson might only have wanted to get away after taking
my laptop's hard drive and diary zerox from your mother's house.:
:He was working with Eli Kie. They wanted my tribe's Power Bundle!:
:And you were brave to keep a hold of it after Eli Kie struck you. He's
the one I'd want dead!: I'm sucking in air through my teeth after admitting
that to Jes.
:You cannot kill such a one. It's said that only the Trickster's body can
be slain. His freed spirit would seek to avenge his death before falling into
another willing victim.:
I'm reminded that someone in the tribe is helping Eli Kie. But who is it?
Jesse's eyes take on a far away look. I Sense a wavering to our Connection
that leaves me gasping like a fish out of water. :Jesse!:
:I'm here.:
My lover's eyes grow sharp. The tiny hairs lift at the back of my neck.
:Did you See something?:
:No. A Darkness hides that boy from me.:
:A boy? Do you know who it is?!: Jesse shakes his head back and forth.
:I only knew it was someone in our tribe. I'd thought it was a man, maybe
one of the tribal Elders.:
:It cannot be one of them,: Jesse explains. :They have sworn unto our
Father to walk in the Light least their spirits be wingless to the Above when
they die. Grandfather has my gift to See into others. He would have known if
one of the Elders has been corrupted by evil. It is a boy.:
:I'm sorry for saying it was an Elder.:
:There is much you need to learn about my People. The leaders of yours
seek power and offer their souls to the Darkness to get it. No oaths are
sworn by them to remain true so they don't fear what happens when they die.
They don't serve anyone but themselves.:
:That's rather a harsh view of my people, Jes.:
:Deep down, you know it's true. So does everyone and they give in to
hopelessness. That's why few people vote. They think, what does it matter and
you can't fight The Government. I say, get rid of it when the leaders no
longer serve the People! Good returns to their lives, at least for a while.:
:I didn't know that you were such an anarchist.:
:A realist, love. How long have my People suffered at the hands of your
Government when they lied to us, broke treaties, killed the People and put
those who survived on bad land for their 'own safety'?:
I'm squeezing my eyes tight as if to deny his charges but they're true.
Even in this modern age, Native rights are still being trampled on. A few of
us have helped them. Ron did, and I'm trying to. A kiss comes to my lips that
surprises me, like I didn't deserve it at this moment.
:You stood up with a raised fist against those who 'serve and protect'.:
That's the policemen's motto. Lt. Danielson failed in his sworn duty to
serve and protect the people of his community. He used his position to earn
money from people like Miss Thomas who dealt in the trade of illegal Native
artifacts. I notice that grandfather is watching us with anger smoldering in
his eyes. That makes me feel very self conscious to be holding his grandson
as I am.
"Someone in my tribe is helping Eli Kie."
Jesse turns himself around in my lap to face his angry grandfather.
"It's a boy."
"Eiiii! The Trickster intended to Pass the Power Bundle's Spirit into a
willing youth. For what evil purpose, I cannot foresee."
That Spirit has been Passed into Jesse and I. Powers we are given to
bring a truth to the People. Would Eli Kie's boy have brought them lies?
"The Trickster has fled," says grandfather. "We must find this youth Eli
Kie used so that he may be brought back into the Light."
Winna comes into the front room. My arms don't waver from holding her son
close to me. She knows of our love. Accepts it with an understanding heart.
If only my own parents could.
:Give them time, love.:
"Dinner is ready," Winna says softly.
"I'll go tell my parents." I give my lover a squeeze but I'm not ready to
get up from the coffee table yet. Jesse feels so good in my arms. I'm also
not looking forward to facing my parents again. Winna sits down on the couch
beside her uncle. This woman is older than I but when compared to Jesse's
grandfather, she appears young as if only a granddaughter to the old man.
"Mike. I can see how good you are for my son." Winna's smile becomes
tinged with concern. "How long will you be with him?"
"To the end of my days." I laugh. "As long as Jesse can put with me!
I've found myself because of him. My humanity. He makes me very happy."
Jesse rubs his soft head against my chin. I kiss him with my nose getting
tickled by his long black hair rustling against me. Winna lowers her eyes
from our loving display. A sharp pain stabs my stomach. Maybe she isn't ready
to see us expressing it so openly.
"Mike. What I meant is... what if you go to jail?"
The fear that's been stabbing my stomach throws a blade up to my heart.
My throat constricts. I can't get words out even if I could come up with some
to assure her... of what? I'm not sure what Winna is asking of me.
"Your mother thinks you decided things too soon. In a way, I agree with
her, Mike. I'm worried for my son if things were to go badly..."
"Mom! I won't fall apart if that should happen. Mike isn't going to jail!
And I wasn't being rash by choosing Mike or him deciding to be with me. We
Share a connection that distance won't sever."
I'm glancing at grandfather. Will he not say something to assure Winna
that her son won't get sick if I'm gone? He's resting his eyes again. Right
when we need him to be awake!
"My son needs more than to draw on your strength, Mike, if I understand
what my uncle has told me about your special bond. He needs to be with you.
If the worst happens and you do go to jail, could you let him go?"
I've managed to swallow past the hard lump in my throat. "No. We are
lifebonded. Jes and I were warned that this would happen right before
grandfather performed his Passing rite of the Power Bundle's spirit. Yet
we're given strength from the other, abilities such as me speaking in Siksika
and for Jesse to overcome his autism."
In a very soft voice Winna says, "No one asked me."
We didn't, though I had given her that pouch hanging from my neck that
contains our wedding rings before we even found that Blackfoot bundle that
bound our spirits to it. Didn't her returning it to me mean she was allowing
us to be together? Jesse agrees with me yet he warns me to remain silent.
Allow his mother work this out on her own.
I'm about to get up from the coffee table to fetch my parents for dinner.
Jesse keeps my arms held to his chest.
"The Canadian boarder is not that far to the north," whispers Winna.
My eyes widen by what she's suggesting. "My parents asked me to run away
if it looked like I was going to jail. I told them that a man has to face his
troubles or they'll just follow him."
"Even if that means going to prison?" Winna's nose pain her when she says,
"I'd want... both of you to flee north."
"Mom!" cries Jesse.
"This is not the time to talk about such things," says grandfather in his
booming voice. "Short Hair is right. He must be strong and face his troubles.
He will not face them alone."
I'm Gleaning that's what drafting all them statements are about. My lawyer
doesn't think it'll work but grandfather will rally the People to my side in
a show of force. We must try to win. Failing that, well. There will be time
to consider fleeing but would I really take Jesse away from here?
:Love! Mom worries more that I'll be taken away from you. She can let me
go for my own sake. I can't believe she said that!:
:Jes. What about your responsibilities to your People? Grandfather is to
train you as their next shaman. Like you've said, distance won't sever our
bond so you can keeping drawing what you need from me to function normally no
matter where I end up.:
:Like grandfather said, this is not the time to talk about such things.
Go fetch your parents for dinner, love.:
I give Jesse a tight squeeze, then I'm pushing back to get up from the
coffee table. Winna's eyes chase after me. I offer her a reassuring grin
though I'm not feeling very sure of myself inside.
Dinner went well. My parents remained silent as is Winna's custom during a
meal but I think that came from their emotional exhaustion no amount of rest
in Jesse's bedroom could cure. My father has a lot to think about from
watching that exchange between my mother and I at the picnic table. Her own
concerns weren't satisfied, I'm sure, but she didn't give me bad eyes or
reveal anything on her face to lead me to believe she's gonna make another
display like she did last night on the porch. No fake smile either. Just dull
weariness and my parents have a flight to take later tonight. At least they
won't have to drive ninety miles south to Great Falls. They're taking an air
bus out of Havre.
Winna served us bighorn sheep stew like I had at Hawk Flying Over's house
as one of her leftovers found in his refrigerator. We use chunks of bread to
soak up the stew from our bowls and eat with our fingers. It has an unusual
taste but it's not an unpleasant one. Just different. Mom and dad ate what
was in their bowls. Grandfather had seconds. I think he misses grandmother's
cooking. Jes finished his portion only after chiding for him to try. He's too
thin! I wasn't all that hungry but managed to finish my stew. My glass was
filled with milk. So was dad's after I mentioned to Winna that we share this
ritual at our meals.
Running Water is driving grandfather back to his house in Chinook. No need
for him to sleep on the floor in our bedroom for a second night. Grandfather
believes that the ritual he'd performed for Jesse this afternoon has calmed
his former self enough until we meet with Charms A Bird this Tuesday. I sure
hope that Omaha Shaman can help my lover deal with Good-eyes! Merging with
Christopher still puts me off keel sometimes like what I'd experienced at
breakfast. I don't want my lover to face that. He'd lose himself utterly to
his former self.
Jesse is helping his mother with clearing off the table. They're giving
me time alone with my parents before they have to leave. We're sitting on the
couch. I'm in the middle with mom on my right and dad on my left. Part of me
is relieved that their visit is coming to an end but I have missed being with
my parents. Back in Indiana, I'd spend Sunday afternoons with them and leave
after dinner. My mom cooks well. My vacation to Montana had interrupted that
ritual these past three months. We've had, what, barely two days to make up
for all of that? And things are not gonna return to the way they were. I'm
staying here in Montana. No wonder my mom's heart is broken. Dad doesn't show
it but I'm sure he feels the same. I am too, a little.
"You're going to be okay here."
Dad said that mostly as a statement but I'll give him my assurance. "Yeah.
I am happy here as I've never been before in my life in spite of all these
troubles that I'm facing. They'll blow away. Really."
"These are good folks. I like Jesse's grandpa a lot."
He's had a chance to talk with grandfather? I'm nodding in reply. "Mom.
Are you going to be okay with this?"
"There's not much I can do about it," she whispers.
"Mom. Please don't worry about me! It's not what you ah, fear happened.
Jesse's grandfather has helped me a lot with it." My father gives me sharp
eyes. He still isn't sure of what mom and I were arguing about this afternoon
that started last night out on the porch. I'm not up to going over it again.
Mother isn't either, tired as she is with a flight back home yet to endure.
"You are different, son."
My body tenses up. I hope dad isn't gonna press me to explain what's
happened to me when mom seems to have given up arguing about it.
"More grown up. And, well, you aren't acting so 'computerized' if that's
the right word for it. I was hoping you'd outgrow that and live your life.
I've seen what you mean about being happy. It's not for us to judge who you
want to be with but that's gotta be hard for you and... Jesse."
"We both realize that," I whisper. Mom snaps at me.
"Do you, Mike? Even if you are that... way, any couple needs time to know
if they're meant to be together! You've only known him for a few weeks."
"Mom! I know he's the right person for me." I'd almost said 'guy' but kept
myself from rubbing that in their faces. It's already hard for my parents to
deal with that I'm gay. An uneasy silence passes. When mom grasps my hand,
I'm nearly given in to tears.
"You're going through a lot to help these people," says Linda. "When this
trouble of yours blows away, and you find out that this has been a mistake,
please return home! We aren't going to blame you because of it. Come home. If
you're burnt out at your job, you can find something else to do for work. It
doesn't even have to be in computers. Go back to college. I know that would
please your father. This life you've fallen into here isn't..."
"Mother. Stop this, please!" Silence. Mom hangs her head in defeat. Dad
gives me the eye as if scolding me for hurting my mother but he doesn't long
endure my challenge, lowering his eyes and releasing his breath in a huff.
"If only you could know how strongly I feel for Jesse and how much he loves
and needs me."
"Needs you. I've heard you say that before but what do you mean by that?
How you're helping his people?"
I'm taking a deep breath before answering dad. "Jesse is autistic." Do
my parents know what that means? I can see on their faces that they think
it's something bad like a disease or something.
"Is that why he seems younger than his real age?" asks Michael.
"That's part of it. When I first met Jesse with his mother attending my
class, he wouldn't speak to me or anyone like he's really shy. Being autistic
had him hiding inside himself because he can't block what's coming into him
by everything going on around him, what people are saying or even how they're
feeling. It was too much for him to handle."
"Sally is autistic," Linda whispers to her husband.
I don't know who she is but obviously dad does by the way he becomes
uncomfortable when talking about someone who's mentally retarded.
"Sally is the daughter of one of my new church friends," explains Linda.
"She's about your age, Mike."
"That girl has an extreme case of it."
I face my dad. "Does Sally not speak to anyone except her mother?" Both my
parents nod. "Her eyes won't look at anyone directly?" Another nod. "Yet she
shows intelligence in her activities and has a special gift or something you
weren't expecting she could do?"
"Sally plays the guitar like she were a professional musician," says Linda.
"She won't sing but the music that comes from her playing! It's a God given
gift. Her mother told me that she attends a special programs at school. She's
the equivalent of a junior in High School. Gets good grades. Only her social
skills are lacking."
"What you're describing is what Jesse was like."
"Mike. He can't be as severely autistic as Sally because I would have
recognized that... problem with him. It isn't curable. Sally's mother will
have to take care of her for the rest of her life."
"Jesse's mom was thinking she'd have to take care of him for the rest of
his life. He wasn't going to be able to follow in his grandfather's footsteps
as shaman of their tribe but at last Thursday's meeting, it was announced
that he would soon undergo training."
"Are you saying that something happened to him to make him better?"
"Yes, dad. This miracle for Jesse is also how I know that we're going to
be together for the rest of our lives." My parents become skeptical. I've
poured out my heart to them but they don't have faith in the teachings of
our Lord. Miracles do happen, whether you call it 'Indian magic' or a
blessing from our Father.
"You said that he needs you," reminds Michael.
I'm nodding. "Jesse and I Share a special bond where he takes what he
needs from me to be normal and I'm able to speak Siksika from him amongst
other things."
"That... sounds, well. You believe this is happening, son?"
"Yes, dad. Jesse and I recognize our Connection. His grandfather has been
helping us with it because we'd been acting like one mind when it happened.
We've returned to our separate selves yet always together." My parents are
shaking their heads and I realize this has been too much for them to take in.
I'm scolding myself for being so stupid!
We sit together on the couch in silent. It becomes awkward. My thoughts
race to come up with something to say, anything I need to tell them before
they leave.
"You should call Dianne," asks Linda. "She needs to know."
"I'm still on vacation until June." Hope flares in my mother's eyes for a
moment. "I won't be returning to my job but, I'm just not up to going into
all that with Dianna yet."
"Do you know what you're doing?" asks Michael.
"Yeah, dad. I do. Even if you two can't accept it, I'm happy here with
Jesse and his mom. It's not like I'll be alone here in Montana. We're taking
care of each other like... a family." My head lowers when realizing how
they're gonna take that.
"She's a good woman."
I give mom a grin. "She scolds me sometimes like you do."
"Oh, Mike! I'm going to miss you so much!"
I'm giving mom a side hug and dad grasps my shoulder. Tears fill my eyes
because I know how much they're hurting over this. "I'm not trying to, you
know, cause you anguish or push you away after all these years you've been
raising me. It's just that I've grown up. My sister left you to be with her
husband in Ohio. It's the same thing for me."
"Jesse is a boy," says Michael.
That stung. "He's a young man! A person whom I have given my love to with
all my heart. We feel the same way for each other that Sarah feels for her
husband. That's what I meant."
"I didn't mean to, ah..."
I'm turning to my father. "It's difficult knowing that I'm gay. I've known
for a long time so that's why I buried myself in my work to hide who I was
by being a 'computer person'. With Jes, I'm living my life now. I'm helping
people that makes me feel good. Mom. The Blackfoot haven't brain washed me
into working for them. I'm doing this of my own free will. They're your
People, too. Think of it as your son who's returning to the tribe after your
mother was long parted from them. My skin is white because I only share an
eighth of Native blood but what matters is what's inside me. A lot of them
have opened up to me after they've seen my heart. They're glad that I've
brought Jes-ee-ah out of himself. He's talking and acting closer to his age.
Jes needs me like I've said but he's been helping me find my true self."
My words have struck my parents like a tomahawk. There's no denying the
harsh blow it has caused. Dad is looking at the clock. Mom is rubbing her
fingers together out of nervousness. I'm feeling trapped between them, unable
to convince them of anything nor can I get up and run away. We need to talk
about something else. "How's my sister?"
"Oh. She's doing well. Her husband..."
For a while, talking with my parents is like old times. I miss spending
Sundays with them. Only the occasional pained look in their eyes, silent
pauses and realizing that we're sitting in someone else's front room reminds
us that this isn't home. Their home, anyway.
I spot Jesse standing just within the dining room.
:Am I intruding?:
:No. What is it, my love?:
:They're going to leave soon. Aren't they?:
I glance at the clock that shows it's close to ten. My parent's flight is
at 11:40pm. They still have to return their rental car but that's at the
airport. The Havre terminal is small so they won't have trouble getting to
their gate. They should be leaving soon to make sure they have enough time.
:Can I meet them?:
I'm puzzled. :But you already have.: Through our Connection, I get what
Jesse means. My left hand reaches out for my lover. Dad looks towards the
dining room where Jes has been standing. He shyly comes to sit down on the
coffee table before us. No one says anything. I thought about reaching out to
grasp my lover's hand but it's fallen back to my side.
"Hello, Jesse."
My lover smiles. It's a warm smile that makes my heart ache because we
can't express how we feel for each other in front of my parents. This is his
small way of doing so. Mom tightens her grip of my hand.
"I hear that you'll be the tribe's next shaman," says Michael.
"Yes. My grandfather was waiting until I was ready to be trained."
Jesse peers at me. The expression on his face leaves no doubt that it's
because of me. "I'm a better person because of Jes too. We need each other."
My parents give me that Look.
"I wanted to meet you," says Jesse. "To thank you. Your son has helped my
People with a good, caring heart. And he's helped me a lot."
"My son has gotten into a lot of trouble because of that."
Mom's words stung. I'm about to blurt out that isn't Jesse's fault! until
he Asks me to remain silent.
"Yes. That is true," Jesse answers. "We did our best against those who
bring harm to the People. It doesn't seem very fair. We're going to fight
this injustice so Mike won't go to jail. He shouldn't. He won't!"
Jesse's said that with such confidence. His high-pitched voice squeaked
at the end betrayed by emotion. I glance at my parents for their reaction.
Mom's face reveals that she's still very worried about me beyond what Jesse
spoke about. Is she gonna say something bad? Dad looks at the wall clock.
"We should be leaving if we're to catch our flight," says Michael.
Jesse nods. "I'll get my mother so she can see you off."
"Thank you."
We're rising from the couch when Jesse runs to the kitchen. I suppose it
was too much to expect that my parents would accept Jes as my lover. I'm
hurting inside. I remember when they met my sister's boyfriend with happy
faces, hand shakes and mom had hugged James. They hoped he would be the one.
A year later, my sister married him. What would my parents think about me
marrying Jesse? I cast that thought away because it's too painful for
consideration. They can't even accept that we're boyfriends.
Winna comes into the front room with her son. My father thanks her for
having them over, adding that he's glad she's willing to put up with me while
I'm staying at her house. Everyone knows dad meant that as a joke by smiling.
Mom surprises me when she hugs Winna. She whispers something that's kept
between them. Jesse shakes my dad's hand. He then avoids my mother's
farewell (or lack thereof) by coming to stand at my side with the coffee
table between them. She looks in our direction. I reach my hand over to my
lover and clasp his hand.
My parents don't bat an eye. They slowly head for the front hall with me
following. Jesse Says that he'll remain in the front room with his mom. Our
hands separate.
It's dark outside broken only by the porch light. I'm feeling a twinge of
sadness that my parents are leaving but too, there's relief. It's over with.
At the driveway, dad turns to me for a hug. Then mom gets her turn. She takes
a long time with her embrace saying how she's gonna miss me and that it's
her job to worry and all because I'm her son. "I'll be alright, mom. Really!
And take care of yourself, dad. Call me. Okay?"
We look at each one last time. The porch light is shining on their faces
while my features are likely hidden from them. There are tears in my eyes I'm
glad they can't see. Mom walks around to the other side of their rental car
while dad is already getting in. Two car doors slam shut. The engine is
started. I'm waving goodbye to my parents as their car backs down the
driveway, turns onto the street and then goes off into the distance. Jes
walks from the house and holds me close from behind. I didn't see him. I Felt
that he was gonna do this. His arms around me are what I need at this moment.
:They're gone.:
:For now, love. Don't be sad. You will see your parents again and more
often you'll be talking with them on the phone.:
:You always seem to have the right thing to say to me.:
:I'm peeking in your head. That's how I know what to Say, silly!:
I'm gently laughing to myself. :Yeah. I'm more often scolding you because
of it, aren't I?: Jesse squeezes me so hard that my breath comes out of me.
He releases me from his long arms and we return to the house hand in hand.
I'm feeling light hearted. It's a good feeling to have my lover at my side,
always Connected to me in thought and when we get back to our bedroom, we'll
join ourselves in another way to express our love for each other.
Winna is in her kitchen cleaning up. I give her a weak grin that mostly
comes from relief. My parents have left yet there's still a mother looking
after me. This is my home now.
"Thanks for dinner," I blurt out. Winna is twisting a towel around her
right hand and staring at me.
"They seemed to like it. It's Jes-ee-ah's grandfather's favorite dish of
mine. I wasn't expecting your parents to come back early from your outing
otherwise I'd have made something else."
"The stew was good. I've eaten that at Hawk Flying Over's house from your
leftovers so I know my parents liked it too." I'm looking around her kitchen.
"Is there anything we can do to help you finish up in here?"
"No. You two get off to bed."
I'm trying to hide my grin. Jesse tugs on my hand so I following him to
the back of the house. We enter the room on our left. When the door is closed
behind us, a great sense of relief comes over me.
:Isn't it nice to have a place all our own?:
:Yeah. Everything is shut out.: I glance at our bedroom door. Jes begins
removing his shirt so I unbutton mine, tossing it in a growing pile of our
clothes next to the bed. It feels a bit chilly in here so I'm keeping my
underwear on. My lover goes to his dresser. The deep brown of his arms, back
and legs catches my eyes. His eagle's feather dances in his long hair. So
Indian looking. Christopher never got used to the way Indian folks looked.
That dark color of their skin, slim bodies, black hair, black or brown eyes
and big noses. The People were a daily reminder that he looked different by
his pale skin even though he was often covering himself in clay to protect
it from burning in the summer sun. No. What my former self and I notice most
is how different these People are from the inside: gentle, honest spirits who
thinks of others.
Jesse looks down at something in his hands. It's his mother's fetish. He
reverently brings it back to our bed. I'm looking around for Brown Bear.
:He's sleeping in a drawer,: Says Jesse.
I sit over the blanket and watch my lover fetch his bedtime companion.
This stuffed animal is propped up between our pillows. Jesse turns to switch
off the lamp. We're plunged into darkness.
My head is feeling very heavy. This day! It's drained me a lot. With a
weary sigh, I crawl along our bed to get under the blanket. Jesse helps me.
It's pulled up to my chin. I feel the warmth of his body laying next to mine
but we're not touching. That would lead to making love and sadly, I'm not
feeling up to that. We'll have tomorrow together. Winna will be off to work
so we'll have the whole day to ourselves. Then I remember Mr. Talbert. He'll
be coming over to have us sign statements.
I'm startled by a telephone ringing in the kitchen. Dread fills me. I turn
onto my left side to await Winna's knock at our door. It doesn't come. Jesse
snuggles up behind me. His warmth is felt against my back and his right arm
around my chest helps put me at ease. I close my eyes but sleep won't come.
:I can help you with that,: Says Jesse.
I'm nodding. A Pulling sensation comes from my head. I sigh with relief.
Author's Disclaimer:
This series is a work of fiction. None of the events or persons portrayed are
real, including my depiction of officers from the Havre, Chinook and Helena
Police Departments or the District Attorney. No disrespect was intended for
these fine men and women who serve and protect the public.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of file: TEACHLV2.TXT The story continues in: TEACHLV3.TXT