Date: Sun, 8 Jul 2001 05:17:20 EDT
From: SSch191950@aol.com
Subject: "Butterfly"

BUTTERFLY

by

Stefan
http://stefan680.tripod.com/stefanstories/


	"This virgin-boy is destined to be the boyfriend of no
	mortal lover. His future husband awaits him on the top
	of the mountains. He is a monster whom neither gods nor
	men can resist."

The ancient voice echoed through the stark white Corinthian pillars of
the temple.

My knees threatened to give way. What had I done to deserve such a prospect
of living with a monster? I knew the gods were jealous, but it wasn't my
fault. I was delivered to divine moods, which sway like a ship distressed
at sea, playing with us humans as they like, pushing us from one
playground's side to the other and expecting adoration for this
treatment.

I had a sour taste in my mouth. The gods are without reason, without pity
and without compassion. How could they do this to me? And how had the
Oracle knowledge that I was still a virgin? Surely it did know everything
- like the gods. They knew about my love games with my companions since
childhood for instance, even if we hadn't allowed everything - yet.

Thick fumes welled up from Hestia's altar where a fire from spruce was
smoking. I smelled the intoxicating fragrance of frankincense, laudanum
and henbane and it made Pythia - the Oracle of Delphi - for some moments
invisible.

I heard grumbling behind my back. And a sobbing: my mother and sisters.
The fumes vanished, but the smell remained in my short tunic and in the
shimmering ringlets of my black hair.

The eyes of the priestess were unfocused. She was sitting on her three-
legged stool in her oracle-cell, chewing laurel. My gaze fastened on the
Omphalos, the navel of the world, between Zeus' golden eagles. My mind
was numb, obliterated.

I had been sold down the river to the biggest monster Greece had seen,
and all because my beauty even bettered the gods - so they say. It made
Apollo envious my mother had told me, and I'm sure this Pythia was just
a compliant object in the hand of the most adored god Apollo. The gods
never show any sign of compassion nor of pity, and their words are
unchangeable as the mountains.

A heavy touch on my shoulder. "Follow, Demetrios. Be a good son."

I was guided out of Apollo's temple where I stood and turned my gaze to
the austere mountain scenery. High above the temple towered the frightening
dark rocks of the Phaidriad from which the death-sentenced were thrown to
the ground. King's eagles circled over their eyries, their cries shrill
and creepy.

People said my beauty was beyond description. They talked as if I was
Aphrodite incarnated as a male mortal - a new god of love. Aphrodite's
temple was empty and her festivals neglected, and instead of visiting
the temple of the sweet goddess, people made long pilgrimages to see the
greatest beauty of their time: the prince Demetrios - myself. They
scattered flowers in my path and addressed me by the titles that belonged
to Aphrodite.

But I didn't have any lover as my little mate who wasn't too reverential
to touch me as a mortal - who I was - nor to speak to me as an equal for
I was waiting for the right man to come. Tyros was lovely, but he was
still a child in the mind. My parents didn't know what to do and had
brought me here to find out about my fate.

"Know yourself and find the god in you" - that's the first of the seven
wisdoms of the gods, which are carved in one wall of Apollo's temple.
That's the wisdom of Helios, the god of sun. But what was I supposed to
find in myself?

My lips were burning since I had woken up that morning and it seemed as
if there had been a pair of downy wings brushing my cheeks and a balmy
drop of water brought joy to my body. But the pleasant taste had turned
into bitterness like the two waters coming from Aphrodite's garden - one
of sweet water, the other bitter. I thought I heard a whisper but it was
gone when I had opened my eyes and my parents had carried me on to this
unhappy mysterious place to hear the prediction of Fate.

I was destined to an immortal monster: a monster whom neither gods nor
men can resist. I wondered how this fitted together.

My sisters mourned me and followed my parents up to the hill, accompanied
by many inhabitants of the town I lived, singing praises, strewing chaplets
and flowers. The procession resembled a funeral rather than nuptial pomp
and amid the lamentations of the people we ascended the mountain, on the
summit of which they left me alone.


                                   ***

	I am the most beautiful and loveliest of all monstrous beings.
	I am timeless.
	I am bitter-sweet, cruel and charming to my victims.
	I am the most loved and the most loving.


It had been a cool winter's day and I was tired of playing with my mate
Anteros - the boy my mother gave me because I languished from loneliness.
She couldn't foresee the turn our fondness would make. Outwardly she
watched with loving eyes the small boys playing with arrows and Apollo's
Kythera; the adolescents who measured themselves with wrestling and
javelin, the adults who exchanged love and affection and she missed the
point when a game became serious.

Anteros was my companion since my early youth but on that special day my
look fell upon HIM, the king's son. The most adorable human. I was with
him all the time, invisible like the air surrounding him. Anteros was
more than jealous. He used every trick he knew to make me forget that
human beauty. But he failed.

My mother was cross because the people of his home town paid more homage
to my desired one than to her own temple. Though beautiful herself, she
got envious of the attention people brought to a mortal being and nothing
is worse than a nagging and malevolent woman, especially if she is a
goddess.

I never left the object of my adoration and neglected my work: to arouse
love, allurements and desire. I learnt his name was Demetrios but to me
he was Butterfly. My soul mate. Winged like myself, translucent like my
invisibility, soft like Helios' kiss in early Spring.

I mirrored myself in his anthracite eyes, counted his eyelashes when he
was asleep, guided his dreams when my companion Hypnos wanted to send
him nightmares. I even disobeyed the order of my mother who told me to
punish that contumacious beauty - so that my pain would be double.

I still can see her in her apple green, silky chiton, girded by a silver
belt, her arms bare, the cloth held over her shoulders with bronze
fibulas of finest structure. I have inherited her golden hair which
falls in a rich abundance along my and her back.

Her eyes were full of wrath as she spat out: "Infuse into the bosom of
that haughty boy a passion for some low, mean, unworthy being, so he may
reap a mortification as great as his present exultation and triumph."

With a scornfully outstretched arm she instructed me what to do: Two
fountains are in her garden - one of sweet water to bring joy to any
lips touched by this one, the other of bitterness to bring mishap and
unhappy fortune.

I filled two amber vases, one from each fountain and hastened to the
chamber of my secret beloved. He was lying in the arms of another youth,
surely unnoticed by his parents and my heart made a jump. Unluckily a
drop from the bitter water touched his lips and I was confused so that
I wounded myself with my own arrow by chance. Now there wasn't a return.
I was in love.

He awoke and licked his lips. The large anthracite eyes stared directly
through me being invisible. Quickly I dropped some of the sweet water
over his face, lips and hair, then wounded him too with my dove-feathered
arrow and left him.

We were bonded for eternity with one exception: my Butterfly was mortal.
He would die some day, leaving me disconsolately behind, in love for ever.
I had both wounds to prove it.


                                  ***

I stood on the mountains ridge, panting with fear. A wild wind rushed
over the grass. Below me I could see those lovely olive groves, their
leaves silvery in the sunlight. Goats peacefully grazed and even further
below lay my home town with the palace of my royal father.

I wondered why I deserved it, but couldn't find an answer. Was I guilty
of hybris? I couldn't do anything about my appearance and I didn't act
like a man whose own merit was to be worshipped because of his beauty.
It was shallow. I felt there must be somebody who would love me even if
I was the ugliest being in Greece; the dream of downy wings brushing my
body was still vivid.

The wild wind diminished and calmed down to a gentle, warm breeze. I
jumped when I felt a breath in my ear and an unseen wind caressed my hair.

   "Let yourself fall," a voice was telling me. I couldn't tell if the
voice was old or young, female or male.

   "Let yourself fall." it repeated. "Close your eyes."

And I obeyed, closed my eyes, made my limbs go weak and was caught in
a soft embrace, like a cloud surrounding me, lifting me off from the
ground and carrying me down, beneath the mountain's range. I felt myself
being laid down on a bed of grass and flowers amidst a dale. The voice
was gone.

When I opened my eyes I found myself near a dark grove of tall and stately
trees. Gathering up my courage I entered it, prepared to meet my husband
hiding there in the darkest cave, ready to abuse or to kill me.

But soon there was a clearing and amidst it a fountain, sending forth
clear and crystal waters, and fast by, a magnificent palace so impressive,
that it surely couldn't be the work of a mortal hand. Even the palace of
my father was greatly inferior.

I admired the building and wondered if this could be the house of Greece's
most terrifying monster. It couldn't have that good taste, could it?
Finally I ventured to enter. I stepped on floors made of gems and set in
gold; marble pillars shrouded the rooms, walls with rich carvings and
paintings representing rural scenes where men chased each other, embraced
and made love under large cypresses. I couldn't comprehend the mass of
jewels, embroidered dresses and chalices encrusted with pearls while I
wandered around in awe.

Then once more voices filled the rooms, addressing me to have a bath.

   "Supper awaits you in the adjoining alcove when it pleases you to take
your seat there."

This all couldn't be the work of a gruesome monster I thought, and, now
with lighter heart, enjoyed the steaming water of a golden bathtub and
then seated myself in the alcove where a table immediately presented
itself without any visible aid from waiters or servants and covered
with the greatest delicacies of food and the most nectarous wines. I
never had such a delectable meal for my father led a rather spartan life.


                                ***

There he was lying in the bed I had made for the two of us, covered it
with the finest linen and silk I could find. He was tired after the meal
and wine I knew he wasn't used to. It was complete dark outside; Helios
had gone to rest in his golden chariot which carried him around the earth
from the west to the east where he would wake up again next morning. My
friends the stars and moon had agreed to hide their faces so it would be
pitch dark. He was now my husband but he didn't have to see me - ever. It
was the promise I had to give Apollo for his gift of this palace and the
false oracle he forced the priests of Delphi to give. He wanted me to be
happy, knowing about my mishap with the arrows.

I know I was admiring Demetrios' beauty before but I was aware that I was
a god and he was mortal and real love couldn't exist for us, no matter if
I had wounded both of us with my love-arousing arrows.

This sparse time I would use to make us happy and if fortune would be
with us, then Zeus would perhaps grant a secret wish.

On silent wings I flew into the room where Demetrios' steady breath told
me that he was asleep. He feared no monster. I mumbled a word and my wings
disappeared, they would be in my way. Through my divine eyes I could see
him in the darkness, lying on his stomach, the bed clothes covering his
slender body. Cautiously I pushed them aside and sent my warm breath over
his back, my tongue running down his spine, stopping at his buttocks. I
ran my palms over them. A moan told me that he was awoke and liked what
I was doing. I shed my chiton and laid above him, covering him completely,
losing divine droplets of excitement in his crack.



                                  ***

I was awake instantly as soon as I felt a weight upon my body, the erect
penis nestling in my crack, wetting it with droplets of excitement. I was
blind but heard his breathing. He called me Butterfly and moved me gently
onto my back. My hands reach upwards to substitute my useless eyes. He had
long locks falling to both sides of his shoulders, and he was licking my
fingers, one after the other. I've never touched a skin so smooth, lips
so sweet, a tongue so playful yet gentle. I melted under his touch and
the fact that I couldn't see him gave my senses a new fire. How clumsy
my encounters with Tyros had been... Wetness covered the skin between
my legs where his tongue was leaving trails and I was painfully hard,
yearning for release he wasn't willing to give me so soon.

He was above me, giving me his member to taste, while he was sucking on
my own until I gushed into his sweet mouth. I heard him purring and I
doubled my efforts but he pulled away from me and turned to straddle me,
his hardness heavy between my spread legs.


                                 ***

He was more than I had expected, joyful and willing, without fear.
Trustfully he surrendered to my guide. His smell intoxicated me and
just my strong will was the master of my inflamed body. He was open as
soon as I had touched him with my divine hand and I wouldn't hurt him.
He was whimpering now, wanting more, his cheeks flushed, his forehead
covered in sweat. I brushed the black ringlets out of his eyes and kissed
him deeply, transferring the last taste of his semen into his mouth. My
penis was aching.

I rose to my knees, turned him, so that his back was to my chest, wetted
his hole with my liquid and slowly he lowered his body, my penis entered
him, breaking the virgin barrier. I heard him gasping in pleasure when I
moved gently, touching his member, bringing it to full erection once more,
pulling back his foreskin, circling around the head. I kissed his neck,
the shoulders, every place I could reach while his movements got faster,
he wriggled his butt to increase the pleasure until I was almost losing
my mind.


                                 ***

I felt him touching a spot inside my body which left me almost losing my
mind. His tongue was drinking my sweat, his long fingers clasping my penis,
rubbing it up and down. I'm sure that the room was filled with our breathing,
even cries when we came together, I was filled with his semen and covered
with my own, and I didn't want to lose him so soon. He was still hard,
lifting himself and pushed me gently forward, until I was lying again on
my stomach, he still in me, outstretched on my back, whispering words
into my ear I didn't understand. Gradually our heartbeats slowed down,
but his cock was hard as ever.

   "Butterfly", he murmured from behind.

   "Who are you?" I asked my unknown lover.

   "It doesn't matter." The bronze voice was ancient like the priestess'
voice and reverberated in the room. I shivered and tried to turn around
but I was still impaled by him and moaned.

   "Are you the monster mortals and gods are fearing?" I asked once more.

He moved inside me, gently, taking pace and murmured through closed lips

   "Yes".

I flinched but couldn't help but enjoy the movements, although I felt sore.

   "Don't fear me." He suppressed an outcry as he came into me, digging
his teeth into my neck. His excitement subsided.

   "Don't leave me", I said.

   "Not before the morning."

I wriggled from under his body, tried to pierce the darkness to see his
face but I couldn't. I groped for the oil lamp standing next to the bed
but he quickly took hold of my hand. "Don't", he said gently. "You mustn't
behold me. Have you any doubt of my love? If you saw me perhaps you would
fear me, perhaps adore me. All I ask of you is to love me. Love me as an
equal." His bronze voice filled the whole room.

   "I can't love you if I can't see you."

There was silence. I knew he was disappointed and I bent over him to
stroke his face. I felt he was the echo of my wishes - to be loved even
if I would be the ugliest being in whole Greece. "You will be absent
during the days? So I will never see who shares my nights?"

I felt him nodding. The locks of his hair were damp. I wondered which
colour they were.

                                ***

Demetrios was sad and disappointed. But I feared he would fear me if he
ever knew my identity. Apollo was right. We both would enjoy love only if
I hid my divinity. I put my lips on his swollen ones, soft like a ripe
pomegranate, and took him into my arms.

   "Let us sleep."

   "Will you be there in the morning?"

   "No."

There was no protest from his side. His hands outlined the contours of
my body as if he was eager to imprint them into his palms while his eyes
couldn't see me.

This was the long craved moment for me after all those times of watching.
I was happy, more than I had been with Anteros and it was hard for me to
leave him before sunrise. He was still asleep when I rose, broke loose
from his warmth; murmured a word and flew out of the window, towards the
sunrise. Eos outstretched her rosy fingers to send her first rays over
the earth. I greeted her silently and she smiled back.

 Anteros was awaiting me, lying in our bed with open eyes. He looked
 like me - just the darker side of my merry being. Without a word he
 was holding up a chalice of ambrosia and I took it.

   "You won't be able to hide it from mother." he said sinisterly.
"Even I know, no matter how far away your new palace is. Apollo's muses
were garrulous, they told me that he mustn't behold you."

I smirked. "Jealous?"

   "By Tisiphone, yes!" With one swift motion he dropped his chiton and
stood naked before my eyes, his silvery necklace shimmering when it was
met by a sunbeam. "What's there to complain? What is there that I don't
have?"

His long hair cascaded over his shoulders, over his chest and hid his
nipples. I didn't have to inspect him to know that he was perfect but
he wasn't Butterfly, my soul mate. The one I was destined to love.

   "You still smell like him," he said. He came closer and opened my
lips with his tongue. I reacted instantly, still in uproar from last
night, my soft penis lifting and mingling with his own. He slipped off
my quiver of arrows and opened the gold fibula which held my chiton.
His hands embraced the round globes of my butt cheeks, making me open
and ready in the blink of an eye; just like gods and magicians are able
to do. I was too weak to fight the pleasant feelings and I took it as a
farewell gift to my Anteros - comrade of my youth, divine as myself,
equal to me.

He pushed me down upon the furs covering our bed, and entered me, first
with his tongue, then with his fingers, then with his prick and I enjoyed
every second of it, watching his eyes closed in bliss while I couldn't
suppress a cry coming from my mouth. Silently I asked forgiveness and
conjured Demetrios' face before my inner eye.

   "You're deathless and unaging", Anteros hissed near my ear. "What do
you want from a mortal that I can't give you? He isn't more beautiful
than I am."

I couldn't argue. Anteros stared into my face, searching for an answer
I couldn't give.

   "It's fate", I mumbled.

   "Fate?" Anteros' penis began to shrivel inside me and I regretted it.
The next minute he would leave me forever.

   "Speak with Fate and she will release you from your task." His penis
slipped out and lay motionless between my legs.

   "Nonsense. I've wounded myself and that's forever." Anteros' face was
grey, he knew I was right.

   "He's unsuspecting and trusting like a child. He's the mate of my
being. I call it soul. Don't you think that love and soul should be
together?"

He looked as if I had spoken in a foreign language and I gave up all
explanations.

   "This Tyros - your Demetrios' lover - is worth an arrow", he said
then, his grin mischievously as ever. "Just for a while, please." His
translucent eyes were pleading.

   "Why do you need an arrow, you're able to seduce every man", I
answered. I played with his hole, well hidden in his firm arse cheeks;
I knew he loved it. In no time he was hard again - that's the fortune
of being a god. I laughed. "No go and show off to Tyros." I stroked his
penis for a last time and pushed him from my body, prepared myself for a
journey around the known world to see if there was work for me to do.

I missed the look of hatred in Anteros' eyes.

                                  ***

My lovely yet mysterious lover had left me before the crack of dawn. I
could feel his warmth clinging in the bed covers and I felt as if it had
all been in a dream. Yesterday I had been in horror about the events to
come, helplessly delivered to a beast and today I found myself in the
most exquisite palace I could imagine. I had experienced a night full
of love and passion and I could still smell my lover's scent on my skin.

The invisible voices were there again to serve me, preparing a bath and
conjuring meals and still I had no problems about being alone for I had
lots of interesting things to look at and to detect.

With nightfall my excitement grew and I didn't go to bed for I was
determined to meet my husband once more to ask him to reveal his secret
being to me.

A flap of wings told me that he arrived, although I hadn't felt wings
on his back before. Did he change his appearance as he liked? A touch
on my cheek and he was beside me, pressing his lips upon mine with one
exquisitely delicious thrust of his honeyed tongue between my pursed
lips. I was trembling to hold him, and that I wasn't able to see him
suddenly didn't matter.

While dropping his and my chiton he guided me back to the alcove where
the bathtub had appeared with steamy perfumed water where we both
revelled in the warmth, washing each other. I could do nothing more
than listen to the water splashing and to his low and bronzed voice
telling me about landscapes I'd never heard of. I was content and
never asked where he had his knowledge from, knowing he wouldn't answer
my plea.

We made love for hours and I couldn't be more happy than if I  had been
transferred to Olympus into a God's bed. But again he left me in the
morning and I hadn't been able to have a look of him. My fingers
replaced my eyes, my lips and all my other senses so I had a picture
of him in my mind. My heart knew that he was a wonderful man but my
eyes - the only real window to the world outside - yearned to see and
adore him.

He came every night, delighted me with more than earthly pleasures but
I felt lonely, all by myself over the long days where I had nobody to
talk to. One night he came with a little puppy to accompany my lonesome
hours and I called him Hermes, the courier and arbitrator between god
and men for he could ran as fast as the wind. Hermes brightened my
days, guarded me when I went outside through the forest and further
to the dale where the unseen voice once had carried me, where I
gathered flowers and berries. But could this be the right work for
a man? I felt as if I was in a prison. My family must have thought
me death or delivered to the punishments of a brutal being.

I was feeling more and more unhappy and told my beloved one about my
sorrow. At least to see one of my sisters would console me to an extent.
He didn't agree with me but instead warned me for surely they would try
to make me discover what he would look like and that if I would ever
agree to this it would be the end of my happiness and I would lose him
forever. I swore I would never consent to such a thing and he believed
me.

The next day I saw from a distance a familiar figure coming up our
palace. Though Hermes began to growl and then to whine. He pressed
his body flat to the ground and disappeared under the bed, his paws
held over his muzzle. I wondered about this strange behaviour and
greeted my sister welcome, asking about the other, she told me she
wouldn't be able to come. I guided her around but after some time
her voice was getting strained and her eyes sparkled with a danger.
She herself was married to a king so I thought the wealth of her
palace would be equal. She told me that there was no pleasure in
possession when nobody knows about it. I slumped in an armchair and
let her talk. I had thought she would be relieved to see me healthy
and happy but all she was talking about was the wealth of my husband,
and her suspicion because I've never had seen him. She asked me
numberless questions, I answered he's a beautiful youth, spending
daytime in hunting upon the mountains. I knew she didn't believe me.

   "Call to mind", she said, her silvery necklace shimmering when
it was met by a sunbeam, "The Pythian oracle that declared you
destined to a direful and tremendous monster. The inhabitants of
this valley say your husband is a terrible and monstrous serpent,
who nourishes you for a while with dainties that he may by and by
devour you. Take my advice. Provide yourself with a lamp, put it
in concealment that your husband my not discover it, and when he
is sound asleep, slip out of bed, bring forth the lamp, and see
for yourself whether what they say is true or not. If it is, hesitate
not to flee and recover your liberty."

I resisted such ridiculous advice. My lover wasn't a monster, nor a
serpent, nor anything. But I remembered the flap of wings I've heard.
Serpents do have wings, don't they? Perhaps he was a poor enchanted
man and I was the one to rescue him?  When she left, I was still
undecided what to do.

Night fell over the forest and the oil lamps and the beeswax-candles
lit themselves. A large dinner table appeared but I didn't feel
hungry. Soon I heard it again - the flapping of downy wings and he
was here, pulling me into a tight embrace. I forgot my sister's
request instantly while he was asking me how I had spent the day.
I told him about my sister but denied her suspicion. He was satisfied,
my groping fingers realized that he was smiling. How I would have loved
to see his smile... to see the body so smooth, so lithe, so firm. To
see his arousal between his legs although my tongue was a good guide
for my senses.

I sat on his lap, naked as he was and played with his long and silky
locks. They had a smell I've never smelled before and slowly I was
asking myself if this scent could be earthly. His kisses were burning,
his hands like tiny flames while he whispered "Take me, Butterfly, make
me yours." I was fire and flame and all my senses crystal clear as if
there was a light to see. I was drinking his nectar, filled him with
my own and heard him sighing. If I would only see him, guard his sleep,
see him smile...

He fell asleep as I silently rose and took the oil lamp and a small
dagger for my protection. With trembling fingers I lit it and held
it up. There was not a hideous monster, but the most beautiful and
loveliest of all supernatural beings: Eros, the love. With his golden
locks falling over chest and arm, wandering over his snowy neck and
crimson cheeks, the rosy lips slightly parted, the bed cover pushed
aside in sleep to reveal everything I had craved to see.

I was in a state of shock. That was the monster whom neither gods nor
men can resist. He was the greatest god and greatest pain whose power
air, earth and seas obeyed, and gods themselves had to drag his chains.
And he was mine.

A drop of burning oil fell on his shoulder. Startled he opened his
eyes and fixed them full on me. Blue shimmering eyes, bluer than a
bluebell, brighter than a summer's sky. But now they were shaded
with anger and sorrow. Without a word he rose, pulled on his chiton,
took the quiver and murmured a word. White downy wings appeared on
his back, whiter than snow and with shining feathers like the tender
blossoms of spring. He spread them and flew out of the window.

My shock subsided. I called him by his name, asked for his forgiveness
for it was just a mistake of mine - natural and all too human. But
the gods never show compassion nor any kind of pity. They give and
take.

I followed him but tripped over the window sill and fell to the
ground. Eros saw me laying, stopped his flight and said sadly, "Oh
foolish Demetrios, is it thus you repay my love? After having
disobeyed my mother's commands and made you my lover, will you
think me a monster? Go back to your sister, I will leave you forever.
Love cannot dwell with suspicion."

So saying he fled away, leaving me prostrate on the ground, filling
the place with mournful lamentation.


                                  ***

In the palace of my mother lamps were still burning when I arrived.
My heart was heavy with sorrow. Why had he felt the need to do this?
Betray our love when I had told him that seeing me would part us
forever. How could I trust him now? He knew now that I was a God
and his mortality must weigh heavy as a stone in his mind. There
was no future for us.

Silently I entered the room and heard voices. One of them was my
mother's, the other belonged to Anteros.

   "Well done, my dear. I was sure you would have been able to fool
him. He believed everything you said? Well, then it's just a matter
of time when I will see my son entering this room - without him. And
he will be yours again."

   "He's already here, mother", I said, angrily, suddenly comprehending
the plot both had hatched. Mother's facial lines straightened instantly
as soon as she saw me and came with outstretched arms to me. But I
stepped back, I didn't want her comfort. My gaze was focused on my
old lover who held my eyes.

   "It was you who told him to reveal my real being", I growled.
"Did you tell him to see me as a monster who would consume him by
and by?"

A sly grin appeared on Anteros' face. "Now you see: he is just a
mortal, who will betray you over and over again. He's rebellious and
not able to follow a simple order." He came closer to me. His voice
was imploring and low. "But I, I am equal to you. Forget him."

Mother looked at me lovingly and rolled a golden lock between her
fingers. "Believe what Anteros say. He is good for you. I have chosen
him not without a reason in those old days."

   "You make me feel old," I said and she laughed.

   "We are timeless. Old as the world. What do you want from a mortal?
His lifetime is just a bat of our eyes."

Anteros stood now beside me and took my hand. I felt the wound burning
on my shoulder where the oil of Demetrios' lamp had touched it. It was
an intensive burn, and stronger than this little spot should cause. I
felt darkness around me, clouds passed my eyes and I shook my head
unwillingly. Anteros pressed my hands and mother gave me one of her
relentless looks.

   "It is sealed." I heard her saying from a distance. "Anteros is
the opposite love. He's destined to punish those who do not return
love of others." Her blue eyes grew large.

   "But I do return love", I said weakly and with a tremble in my
voice. "I do return. I love him."

Anteros laughed nastily. "It doesn't count because you wounded
yourself with your arrow. It's fate, you said. I call it doom." He
grinned and dug his fingernails into my flesh. "I know a cure."

   "Pothos. Himerus". My mother clapped her hands and instantly two
figures appeared behind her out of the blue. Two beautiful creatures
with translucent clothes, the faces blurred so I couldn't see them,
always seeming to change their appearance, turning from female into
male or both together. I knew they were my mother's followers called
Longing and Desire. On a silent sign both took Anteros in between
them and merged with him. I blinked. Anteros' face swam in a sea of
instability, a haze was hiding it for moments until he looked at me
with Demetrios' black eyes. He was naked and wrapped a black ringlet
of his hair around his finger, just like Demetrios had done. He
smiled and outstretched his hand. Aphrodite pressed her hand upon
my shoulder and I fell into a blissful unconsciousness.


                               ***

Eos lit the earth to another day of torture. My feet were sore in
my sandals and even Hermes' ears - my trustful canine companion -
were dropped.

When I had awoke on that fatal morning, Eros' palace had gone; I had
found myself lying in the open field not far from my father's town.
But I couldn't go back. I had lost everything I loved just because
of my untruthfulness and curiosity. I thought with hate of my sister
who was the cause for my great grief. My feet stopped. Was she indeed?
What if the gods had played a trick on me?

Finally I shrugged my shoulders and went on, over stony hills where
only the winds were my company, the steady winds, stones and sparse
herbs and berries. I had to find my lover to beg him on my knees to
forgive me. When I passed villages, Hermes stole for me occasionally
a chicken or some eggs, a loaf of bread and I survived. I passed
towns I've never had heard of and noticed strange things. People
seemed to be in uproar, in constant war with themselves, little
children were left on their own, crying for hunger, lovers and
friends abandoned each other, disgusted to show any sign of attention.

   "Eros has left us," I heard them moaning. "Eros the love. Now
there's only left deceit, delusion, violence, discord, blame, mockery,
terror and vengeance."

With shame I thought about my crime of wounding him so much that he
was lying ill in his chamber not able to bring joy to the world.
Casting my eyes to a lofty mountain having on its brow a magnificent
temple I sighed and directed my steps there. With discomfort I
recognized it was Aphrodite's temple, now decorated with flowers and
sweet smelling oils, with plates of food and bowls with wine. Though
hungry I didn't dare to have a taste of all these titbits, but instead
stood and stared into the goddess marble eyes. Not knowing what I was
doing I mumbled a prayer to her son - my beloved Eros - before my eyes
closed in sleepiness and I sank to the marble steps, Hermes' head in
my lap, and started to dream.

Anxiety and Grief tortured me with their ugly faces. They were two
old women bent over me, their dried lips muttered incessantly words
of pain from which I only understood the word Eros. Eros was gone to
the Underworld, drinking from Lethe, the river of forgetfulness to be
reborn again. They showed me how he walked there over the fields of
Elysium, playing in the soft grass, plucking flowers and putting them
behind the ear of another youth with black locks and dark eyes - a
spitting image of me - before their lips found each other in a fiery
kiss, which let them roll in the grass of no colour, naked and finally
united. "You are the reason Eros left the world to forget your
unfaithfulness", they told me, punishing my body with sharp nails
and flaming fingertips.

With a jolt I awoke. My eyes focused on heavenly blue curtains,
fluttering in a low breeze. I was lying upon a bed between clouds
and as I bent down I could see mountains and wood, villages and
people down below me.

   "This is your task." I heard a voice filling the air. "Go to
Underworld and ask Queen Persephone to release my son from his
forgetfulness. The earth needs him."

Hermes at my feet started to whimper. Go to Underworld?

   "How?" I asked but there was no answer.

   "Find out yourself", the voice droned then. A wind was carrying
me and Hermes down to the ground, near a village where I saw a high
stony tower.

   "Do you think the most direct way to Underworld is to jump from
this tower for only death people can reach it?" I asked my animal
companion. He led the way up to the many steps high above and just
as I stood there motionless, the wind tousled my hair and billowed
my torn chiton I heard him. A lovely voice, firm and male, a singsong
like Apollo's Kythera. I felt touched by the belt and held back while
the silhouette of a face appeared in the air before me. A face with
golden skin and golden eyes, crowned by a garland of laurel: Apollo
himself.

   "Do not, Demetrios", he said. "There are other ways to reach Hades'
realm. I will show you. You mustn't be afraid," his voice sang, honey
filled like the voice of Orpheus. "Go to Taenarum in southern Greece
taking with you two pieces of barley bread soaked in honey and two
coins. Do not feel pity for anybody in the Underworld and never grant
the requests of the dead, for pity is strictly forbidden in that world."

There was a touch on my cheek and the golden eyes sent beams from his to
mine. Then he was gone. Hermes barked and panted and as I looked down I
saw a cloth on the ground on which two pieces of bread lay together with
two coins of pure gold and oiled paper to protect both. I took it and
knotted it neatly together. Then I sent a silent prayer to the gods
and left the town towards south.

                                  ***

The light was tenuous, as if everything would be seen through a thin
black veil but our eyes had adjusted so long a time ago. We were
surrounded by phantoms their souls had slipped away like a dream.
When we were tired of making love we listened to the songs of Orpheus
and to Musaeus' poems. We watched Achilles' pretended fights with his
old enemy Hector, now best friends for they had forgotten everything.

We lived in groves and made our beds on river-banks and wandered in
luminous plains and green valleys. Anteros joined me everywhere, it
was a life of eternal joy and passion, although sometimes he left me
alone to bring me more water of the river of forgetfulness. The wound
on my shoulder healed only slowly but with each new day I forgot more
and more the cause of it.


                                  ***

Infertile willows and frail alders and poplars where mists crept
around the stems. A deceptive silence. The ground was unstable and
muddy. From the distance I heard water. A great expanse of water,
broad as an ocean and dark as the Tartarus. I tied Hermes to the
branch of a bare tree and patted him a last time. I didn't want him
to go with me to this dangerous place. Then I went on, my heart
pounding in my throat. My sandals stuck in the squeaky sludge and
I sank into it over my knees.

To the left the dead forest opened and the hissing waters of Acheron
emptied into the bog. I was dragged with it until the river vanished
into a cave of the mountains. The waters of woe and moaning echoed in
my ears like people being in great pain and the stony walls above and
beside me redoubled the effects. The cave grew broader and now there
appeared a small strip of stone and sand on both sides. I still
clutched my little package of bread and coins safely in the oiled
paper.

Then a loud scream made me jump and freeze to the ground. There was
a pressure on my head like somebody wanted to squash it and a sickness
crept into my stomach. The temperature was rising; I coughed and panted
for air and it took a long time before I could go on towards the
blinding light in the distance. A door of light. It was a cold light
and I shivered now, soaked with water, standing in front of it. I
stretched out my hand and something pulled me through it. A pain
jolted through my body and I was blind. Blind as in the nights I
shared with Eros. The memories of our shared passion refilled me
with strength. I had to save him.

Determined I made a step forward out of the light into twilight.
Dark figures rose and swayed up and down.The river which had led
me into the entrance of Hades' realm made a sharp bend and vanished
in darkness. My eyes adjusted slowly. Next to me I could make out
some strange dwellings, the air was thick with sweetness which
caused nausea. Far in the distance I saw the glittering range of
other rivers; surely Styx and Acheron, the rivers I had to cross.

But there was a cough beside me. Startled I looked up and realized
a shadow. More shadows behind that one: wan, spindly with spots in
their fish-white cheeks, toothless and sweaty from fever they raised
their hands to me. I stepped quickly aside and escaped the Diseases
to stumble into a skinny old man with sunken eyes and long, thin hair
covering his feet. He stared upon a Klepshydra, the hour glass made
from water. With a tremulous voice he counted the drops like the
seconds of his life left over. It was Old Age and his neighbour was
Fear: a woman with widely torn open eyes and mouth in an eternal
soundless cry.

I tried to avoid all of those gruesome creatures until I met Anxiety
and Grief again - those old women I had met before in my dream. They
ruffled their grey, tousled hair in despair and beckoned me to follow.
But another figure stood in their way: Fames, the goddess of Hunger.

She bent over me and blew at me with stinking breath. I heard a hiss
which formed the word EAT and I was overwhelmed by such a hungry
feeling that I started to nibble at my finger bones. Fames shrieked
in pleasure and showed me the rest of her scorbutic teeth. My bowels
began to grumble, until I remembered the bread I had in my little
parcel. I began to undo it but just as I wanted to dig my teeth
into them, a light brown, furry bundle jumped up and snatched the
package. I stared dumbfounded at my empty hands and saw Hermes in
the distance, wagging his tail and giving me a challenging look. I
broke free from all the creatures surrounding me and jumped after
my dog, realizing that he had just saved me. I bent down, patted
him and took the bundle. I was glad he had come and together we
marched on.

There was no sound while we followed the path. Gloomy silence hung
in the air, no stars, no moon, no sun, just twilight. Poisonous yew
trees guarded our way and the ground was dusty. The next we saw was
an elm tree, covered with pearls and a diamond crown. A mirror was
hanging from a branch and a bag full of gold. The False Dreams we
cling to.

Without warning there was mist. The mist the lazy Styx was breathing,
the river by whom the gods are swearing. Silence was broken as I saw
silhouettes lamenting at the banks of Cocytus, unburied souls waiting
for redemption. Their tears filled the waters, so that it swelled
from time to time. I saw the hideous serpent's body of Fraud rearing
her hypocritically gentle face out of the water. I shivered.

There it was: the Stygian Marsh where all the rivers of Hades merged
together, from left the rivers of fire and death laments and from
right the rivers of woe and hate. I seemed to be the only one who
wanted entrance so I waved Charon the sinister ferryman who sailed
instantly from the other side of the march in his small barge. Hermes
began to growl and I hushed him, but my hairs stood on end. Charon
wore a long, filthy coat of undefinable colour, his hair dark and
greasy and a pair of coal eyes gleamed between the strands. Silently
he outstretched his bony hand. I gave him one of my golden coins
which vanished like a flash into one of his dirty pockets. Hermes
jumped after me into the barge and without a word we crossed the
foggy water. It seethed where the fire met the glacial.

Cries hung in the air when we arrived on the other shore. Cries and
a roar I've never had heard before. Three heads of indescribable
ugliness shot out of a cave, sprinkled venom and slaver. Hermes
barked like mad and I held him by his neck. Cerberus, the hellish
hound was there, his snout wide, bloody and armed with sharp tusks.
I threw him one of the honey soaked breads and he was instantly quiet.

I wiped my sweating forehead and walked on. When the mists of Styx
were lifting I detected a figure kneeling at the river bank, staring
absentmindedly into it. One of his hands hovered over the surface. He
was of outstanding beauty but pale as a shadow, his golden hair
lacklustre but perhaps it was just the twilight. He bent his face
over the water as if to kiss his mirror image and I knew who he was.

   "Narcissus?" I whispered. They were the first words I had spoken
since I had entered the Underworld.

   "Yes?" he whispered back without lifting his head.

   "How are you?" I asked foolishly and he turned his look in my
direction, unwillingly me seemed.

   "You are still staring into the water, searching for your own?"

Hermes had approached him and was sniffing at his bare ankles. Narcissus
stroked him behind his ears but no strand of hair was moving. He couldn't
touch him for he was just a ghost.

   "It is foolish to imagine that a man old enough to fall in love is
unable to distinguish a man from a man's reflection."

   "It's not me I'm searching for", Narcissus told me in a barely
audible voice. "It's my brother exactly alike in appearance. I loved
him and when he was taken from me I used to go to the spring, knowing
it was my reflection that I saw. But I found relief because it reminded
me of my dead brother."

   "And you still do now", I said. "But he must be here with you."

Narcissus sadly shook his head. "He is lost. His body never found,
hence unburied." Suddenly he rose to full height and stared directly
at me. "You must have seen him, down at Cocytus where the unburied
souls weep forever and wait for a funeral", he asked excitedly.
"Please, do me a favour. When you have returned to upperworld, go
and search for him and give him a funeral. Then he will join me here."
His eyes were burning, the only living part of his body. But how could
I do this?

Startled I tried to nod and to shake my head all at once. Apollo had
told me not to show any pity to those of the Underworld. "I don't know,
I'm not sure..." but barely outspoken I remembered Eros, my divine lover
and his knowing of the world. He must know where to find Narcissus'
brother. With lighter heart I said "I will follow your request", and
Narcissus kneeled down again, staring into the waters.

I watched him for a while but then Hermes tugged at my tunic and I went
on out to the Asphodel fields. Hermes led the way, sniffling and jumping
as if he would be hunting a partridge. He wasn't upset by the shadowy
figures we passed, those who were consumed by unhappy love or those who
had been condemned to death on a false charge. He barked at a little
grove of trees. Harpies stretched out their grey, mighty pinions, shook
their feathery-bodies and grimaced their ugly female faces. I saw people
hanging twisted between the branches and knew they were the ones who had
killed themselves.

Quickly I left this unhappy place, Hermes at my heels. I was scared to
death, hungry and thirsty and longed to see sunlight again. I wasn't
sure what I was supposed to do. Ask Queen Persephone to relent on my
beloved? But why was he here actually?

>From the distance I saw the iron doors guarding Hades' Palace, saw the
multi-headed Hydra from Lerna, the Chimera and Gorgons and all my bravery
sank. How could I suppose I would be allowed to enter? How should I pass
all those gruesome brutes? I stood and waited until I felt Hermes once
more tugging on my tunic. He led me the way right and paid Hades' Palace
no attention. Glad he had made the decision for me, I followed and
passed a thick fume, hiding my view. I was dazed when I was able to
see again. Sunlight flooded through a charming landscape; a fruity
smell hung in the balmy air, orange trees and spicy laurel, myrtle
and rosemary but the colours were pale, as if everything was seen
through a thin black vail.

A stream of crystal clear water lapped against groves and meadows.
I saw people in snow-white chitons and chlamys walking alone or in
groups, playing games, singing or listening to music and poems.

Hermes howled for pleasure but was careful not to get in touch with
the water of the stream. I wondered about that; he must have been as
thirsty as myself.

I waded through the shallow water to the other side, always keeping a
lookout for a sign of Eros. Suddenly I shuddered; the stream I just
had crossed must have been Lethe, the river of forgetfulness. And if
Eros had drank enough of it he would had forgotten everything: me and
his love for me. Soon he would be ready to go to Upperworld again,
without me.

And then I saw him, as I turned a corner, deeply hidden under a shady
tree. But he wasn't alone. His body was contorted with another ones;
his long, erect member vanished in the mouth of a youth with black
ringlets, naked, the hands embraced Eros' lovely butt cheeks and the
expression on Eros' face made me sick.

All of a sudden my lover's playmate opened his eyes and directed it
fully at me. I gasped. They were MY eyes, my mouth, my nose and black
ringlets. The mouth released Eros' cock and started to grin, but I was
now surrounded by a crowd of people, asking me with clear voices if I
was new here to the Elysium Fields. They stroked my cheeks, raked
through my hair and undressed me to give me a clean white chiton with
a longer chlamys.

   "Who is the pair there under the orange tree?" I croaked.

   "What pair?" they asked astonished. Hermes gasped and nibbled at
Eros' fingers and he started to smile. "Hermes", I heard him whisper
in pleasure, "old friend."

   "Those." I pointed to him.

   "There is nobody", they told me.

   "Nobody?" I repeated.

   "Nobody. Come with us. There is a theatre performance starting soon."

But I resisted, my eyes fastened on the young man, who was my spitting
image. His eyes were still staring into mine while he had returned his
attention to Eros' body, licking his balls and stroking his orifice.

And I let it happen, unable to move a finger, heard Eros moan indistinct
words as he relieved himself, the young man drinking his white fluid.
Again he gazed at me, his lips twisted to a wicked grin.

He groped beside him for a little cup and held it to Eros' lips.
"Drink, my love", he said. "Very soon all your pain will be gone."

   "No!" I cried, suddenly finding myself able to move. I jumped to
the pair and scattered the water onto the pale grass.

   "You have to stop drinking the water, Eros", I said, kneeling down
beside my lover. He stared at me as if I was a ghost, not comprehending
at all.

   "What is happening here?" I asked the young man. "Why can nobody see
you, except me?"

Eros lifted his body to a sitting position and wiped his eyes. "Who are
you?" he asked me, his gaze scurrying between me and him.

   "Living gods are not suppose to be here", the young man said. "But
it was easier this way. But YOU have no right to be here. Go where you
belong." He outstretched his hand and pointed the way across the river
and into darkness behind.

   "Who are you?" Eros asked me. His blue eyes were empty and he tugged
at his lovers arm. "Don't talk to him, he is bad." He shook his head.
The long, golden locks poured over his back. "He is ... untrustworthy."

   "No, I'm not untrustworthy. I regret it bitterly. Please come back
to me", I pleaded. "You must remember me. This one," I pointed to the
man, my double, "is not what he seems to be. Don't you remember me?"

   "But ... how?" Eros' tongue was heavy and his movements lazy. He
rose to his full height and stood between us. "You look like him." he
said then, not comprehending at all.

   "But you remember Hermes", I said. My dog was sitting at his feet,
looking expectantly up.

   "Yes, Hermes. This was another time and another place. I have found
true love here."

I shook my head. "But you must return! The world is fading. Love is gone."
I gripped his arms. "YOU are gone."

The other man stepped in my way. "Go now. He will return when I say it's
time. Go."

I dropped my head. Then, without thinking, I touched Eros' lips with my
own, melted with him for a last time, drinking his breath.

Then I turned, Hermes following me.

I passed people, waving to me, beckoning me to follow them but I couldn't.
I had failed my mission. If it was Eros' wish to live a shallow life,
where nothing other counted than appearance and not the heart, then so
be it. I knew that Eros had found a substitute in the other man - looking
like me, and I thought that Narcissus - being unhappy that his beloved one
was gone - led at least an honest life. He waited for the impossible to
happen, knowing that it never would be.

Once more I crossed Lethe and cursed her waters. I cursed the gods and
Fate until I saw the bent figure of Narcissus at the river Styx. I went
to him.

   "It's not possible for me to release your brother's body. The gods
have left me." I kneeled beside him and stroked his hair.

   "I'm sorry."

Narcissus didn't respond but I saw a single tear dropping into the water.

I threw my last bread into the gaping snout of Cerberus and asked Charon
to carry me back over the waters. As in a dream where I watched myself I
let everything happen. I feared no monsters dwelling at the entrance.
They left me alone because they sensed I wasn't afraid.

Just as I stood, ready to leave Underworld I realized Hermes wasn't with
me. I turned to see him waiting for me just a few steps apart. I blinked.
He changed his appearance. His body twisted, losing his fur, his dog's
face becoming human until a man was standing in front of me.

His hair was white blond, his skin gleamed and he carried a caduceus. On
the heels of his soles I recognized little, golden arrows and his tunic
was very short.

He smiled at me with an enchanting smile and his voice filled the whole
fields. "Demetrios. The god's are always with you. You have shown true
love." He outstretched his hand and I followed his invitation.

He took me and flew with me out from Underworld. My head was spinning
with images. I saw the river Acheron, the infertile willows and frail
alders and poplars where mists crept around the stems. I saw the ground
vanishing as we flew higher and higher up to the golden sky to a palace
high between puffy clouds and full of light. Gently he released me down
to the marble ground, next to a spring, amidst a gathering of people of
all ages, the air filled with a heavenly sound which came from Apollo's
Kythera. He plucked it softly, while leaning against a pillar. He smiled
at me. "I have sent you my brother Hermes to take care of you", he said.
"Even the gods play tricks on themselves." He winked.

Hermes stepped beside me. "Eros didn't know it was me but you have chosen
the right name. Right?"

I didn't know what to think nor what to do. This could just be a dream.
I must be dead, lying in the Underworld, consumed by one of the monsters
waiting for me at the entrance.

But Hermes shook his head. "No. You are not dead. Look around." His arm
made an embracing movement. I saw the young Ganymede pouring a chalice
full of rosy Ambrosia. "This is for you", Hermes said. "And him."

   "Eros!" I gasped in bewilderment.

   "Yes. It's me." He embraced me with one arm and his touch made me
tremble like a leaf of a tree.

   "It was your kiss... Butterfly."

   "My kiss?"

   "Yes. The world will be healed." Another voice was sounding. Aphrodite
had dressed in her best chiton, flowers in her hair, long and golden as
her son's. "Forgive a jealous mother. I've sent Anteros to the other side
of the world to punish the love. It's not necessary here."

   "After all this," Eros whispered into my ear, "we have a task to do."

   "Another task?" I asked startled.

   "Yes, Narcissus' brother." Apollo threw in. "I told you not to show
any pity in Underworld. But you did, despite of all."

   "But.."

   "Trust not the gods," Eros smiled indulgently, then he winked.
"Except me." With this he held the chalice full of Ambrosia to my mouth.

   "Drink and be immortal like me."

And I drank.

				    END