Date: Tue, 25 Apr 2006 10:57:44 -0400 (EDT)
From: Justin <justinhh2@excite.com>
Subject: Servant of the Rampant Wolf (part 3)

	That first day set the pattern for many other days to follow. The
Commander had a ritual of bathing every morning. I had assumed the
responsibility for drawing up the bath water from the river each morning as
soon as I awoke. Using the bucket affixed to the tower it really didn't
take very long to fill the tub with a serviceable amount of water. He would
mostly wash himself, but frequently he asked me to wash his back for him--
a task I always accepted with great pleasure. The Commander's body was a
thing of fascination to me, especially his back with its myriad muscles
slowly rolling under the smooth skin. One morning, in a mad moment of
boldness, I had asked to wash his hair for him. He shrugged non-commitally
and handed me the soap. From then on I was always permitted to wash his
hair for him each morning. It felt just as it looked-- spun of sun and air,
incredibly soft.

	When my many new clothes and shoes had arrived at the keep at the
end of that first week the Commander had insisted I start bathing every
morning myself, using the water left over from his own bath. "I don't want
these things so quickly becoming rags like your previous clothes, Tanas,"
he had said. They were the finest things I had ever owned, and I knew he
had spent a large amount of money on them. I was eager to show him my
respect by doing as he bade me. Still, the first time I disrobed and bathed
with him in the room I had felt extremely self-conscious. I had even seen
him gaze at me side-long several times. But eventually my unease passed
with the familiarity and regularity of the event each morning. I even came
to desire for him to look at me while I bathed-- I hoped I looked half as
desirable as he did when he was wet. He never offered to assist me in my
bath and indeed I should have thought it beneath him if he had.

	The Commander would shave his face once every day. This was much
more frequently than I needed to shave myself. (I was hard-pressed to grow
enough hair to require shaving once a week.) He had a special type of blade
that seemed fashioned just for this purpose. I often watched him like a
hawk while he shaved. There was something very intimate in his willingness
to allow me to observe. On some mornings, when he was in an especially good
mood, or when I had done some mysterious thing or other that had pleased
him, he would allow me to perform the task myself. These were without
question my most treasured moments shared with him. I always performed the
task slowly and deliberately, and I was extremely proud of the fact that I
never cut him. (When he shaved himself he was always rather quick about it
and would often cut himself.) As I shaved him I had free license to gaze as
openly as I liked at his beautiful visage, to touch his handsome face and
absorb its textures through my fingertips, and to gaze into his eyes. It
even offered opportunity to stand over-close to him and smell him. However
I never touched him inappropriately, no matter how much I desired to do
so. I had a great deal of respect for him and I would never insult him in
such a crude way.

	Sometimes we ate our breakfast down in the great hall with the
knights and soldiers, but more often we would eat together in his quarters
at the wooden table next to the hearth. I enjoyed this time alone with
him. It offered an opportunity for us to speak together casually-- often
about my training, but sometimes about other things as well. He was freer
and more open with me at these times, more apt to laugh and talk to me
about his homeland. I felt during these moments that he was my friend as
well as my mentor, neither of which I had had before. He always seemed
interested in what I had to say to him, though I was careful not to say too
much. I knew I had not seen or experienced anything of note in the world,
especially in comparison to the adventures that such a man as he would have
experienced. I did not wish to weary him with the simple tales and
ignorance of a former slave boy.

	During those meals when we ate in the great hall he was more
serious and would mostly talk with von Richten or the other knights in
German, and for the most part would not acknowledge me much. I was not
offended by this behavior-- I knew my place. It was enough for me to be
permitted to sit next to him. I think that at times he must have been weary
of speaking in a foreign tongue to a simple boy who understood little of
the world from which he came. Perhaps he simply wished to converse in his
own tongue to others who understood his ways and customs better, and who
knew of and shared his world. And of course sometimes he surely just had
business to discuss. But still there was always that selfish part of me
that was happy to have him to myself.

	My training always began each day immediately after breakfast. I
would head down to the stables and saddle up both my mare and the horse of
my riding companion for the day. Sometimes this would be von Richten, and
on very rare occasions it was the Commander himself. But usually my riding
companion was Evert, a kind and handsome dark-haired knight who had sat
across from me in the great hall on my first night. Together we would ride
out through the gates of town and travel about as our fancy took us. Some
days we would visit the outlying villages. Some days we would only ride
along the wild riverbank for several leagues. And yet on other days we
might ride the woods and fields of the countryside. The Commander had
specified I spend a great deal of time on horseback in order to build up my
proficiency and so these morning rides were always long, even when the
weather was not agreeable. It was not uncommon for us to arrive back at the
keep just as the mid-day meal was begun.

	It was during our daily rides that Evert had begun teaching me
German. During the course of our rides he would point to an object and
speak the word for it. I in turn would repeat the word and commit it to
memory. It started simply enough: tree, rock, water, sky, bird; but it
turned out that I had a knack for learning German, and it was not long
before my curiosity and my thirst to learn more words had me seeking out
Evert at all times of the day all over the keep, asking him to teach
me. Sometimes he would shoo me away out of sheer exasperation at my
persistence.

	The latter half of each day was spent in martial training. This was
broken up into several different aspects. First was usually a form of
physical exertion, such as swordsmanship, agility training, sparring,
lifting of heavy stones, training in spears and lances, and learning how to
fight with maces. Later it would lead to training of a more intellectual
manner, such as learning common military tactics, memorization of knightly
codes, and learning the name, purpose and use of each type of armor
commonly used by a knight. The Vice-Commander was almost always my
instructor during my physical lessons, although the Commander would usually
come down halfway through the lesson to watch my progress and offer me
helpful tips. Afterwards the Commander would take over my tutelage in my
intellectual endeavors, for which the Vice-Commander did not know enough of
my own tongue to teach me properly.

	As the summer slowly led into autumn and the sun began setting
behind the westward hills earlier each evening, the Commander and I began
to have more time to ourselves in his quarters after the evening
meal. Evert had finally had a conversation with the Commander about my
desire to learn more German, and so it had been decided that the time we
spent in his quarters before going to bed each night would be a time to
formally teach me that language. We spent many hours sitting at the wooden
table in the room, a warm fire in the hearth. He taught me many words,
including those that went beyond mere objects-- words that described ideas,
events, even time.  More importantly he taught me how to put all of these
words together into proper sentences which others could understand. I was
such a quick student that it was not yet November when I had finally left
off speaking Lithuanian altogether and henceforth spoke in German.
(Admittedly a crude German to begin with, but steadily improved throughout
the winter with constant use.)

	The Commander also began to teach me how to read at this time. I
confess I was terribly intimidated at the prospect in the beginning. I
believed that it would be impossible for a common boy like me to learn how
to read, convinced that only the wisest of men, such as priests and
noblemen like the Commander, could learn such a skill. But when it came
down to it I also picked this skill up rather quickly. The Commander had a
book written in German which was a treatise on swordsmanship, and he used
this as a guide in teaching me all of the letters and how to decipher
them. In fact it was rather an ideal book for a boy such as me, since it
was useful in teaching me how to read, how to speak German, and how to be a
better swordsman all at the same time.

	On Sundays I accompanied the Commander and the other nights to mass
in the town church. No longer was I relegated to the back benches-- I now
sat on the second-nearest bench to the altar, just behind the Commander. I
caused a stir amongst the congregation on that first Sunday when I walked
into the church in my new fine clothes. There was a good deal of
neck-turning and tongue-wagging when the townsfolk caught sight of me
walking down the aisle. I was sure nearly everyone had already heard the
story of my elevation, but those who hadn't were quickly being told the
tale. Knowing the Slavs as I did I was sure most did not see my situation
favorably. In their eyes, though the Commander had proven to be a good
lord, he was still a German, and I had made myself a servant to him. It was
something akin to treachery in their eyes, I suppose. But I did not care. I
knew the Commander and I knew I served a good and honorable man.

	After Sunday services each week I was given the rest of the
afternoon to myself. That first Sunday Jeska had quickly sought me out in
the churchyard. He pulled me over behind an elm tree so we could speak. He
could hardly contain his enthusiasm and spoke so quickly it was hard to
pick one word out from the next.

	"There are a thousand and one stories being told each night at the
tavern about you!" he spoke. "Of course I've heard about your trip into
town with the lord, and I even caught a brief glimpse of you then. How did
this happen? Why didn't you say anything about it to me?!"

	"I had no foresight that such a thing would happen! Truly I don't
quite understand how it's happened, Jeska, except that Fate has finally
dealt me a kind coincidence," I answered in explanation. Then I told him
the story of that fateful morning at the smithy, and of my brief captivity,
and the Commander's generosity which all led to my becoming not just free
but also a squire. Jeska had a faraway look in his eyes as I spoke. He
looked both happy and sad. I thought I understood how he felt. To be free,
to belong somewhere, to have a destiny... he still yearned desperately for
these things, even as I had done until recently. He was both praying Fate
would give him such an opportunity, and doubting that ever it would. Hope
and Despair are always at battle with each other in the heart of a slave,
and neither ever vanquishes the other.

	Although Jeska and I had not been particular friends before, I now
became aware of a bond that perhaps had been between us-- one of common
situation and understanding. I had not previously been conscious of this
connection with him. Only on that Sunday afternoon did it become obvious to
me and only then because I sensed its absence. We had traveled on the same
path through life until then, but now a fork had come in the road, and we
had gone different ways. Things would not be the same anymore.

	He and I walked for a long time that afternoon in the fields
outside Klatovi. He asked me many questions, often asking them several
times in slightly different ways to be sure he gleaned every last detail
from me. I was patient with him, answering everything as best I could. I
thought it only kind to do so. Eventually the sun became low in the sky and
he had to return to his mistress, but not before he made me swear to meet
with him again the following Sunday afternoon. (As our lives then stood, it
would have been impossible for us to see each other at other times.)

	Jeska was my faithful companion every Sunday after that, even more
so because my other playmates would no longer speak to me. Jeska said the
freeborn boys often spoke ill of me. "I'm sure it's only because they now
wish they were you, though," he added with a laugh.

	Weeks and months passed, each day similar to the previous. I poured
all of my effort into being the best pupil and servant I could be for the
Commander. Foremost in my mind always was the desire to please him.

	One cold evening in mid winter, returning to our quarters from my
dinner in the great hall, I found the Commander sitting at the wooden
table. The windows had been shuttered up for months, and now a large fire
was lit in the hearth to keep the chill out of the room. The light of the
candles and of the hearth gave the room a warm, bright glow. He had on the
table before him a large piece of parchment which I assumed was going to be
an aid to my studies that night, but when I stood behind him and looked
over his shoulder I saw that although it had some words on it, it was
mostly just colors and lines. I did not know what it was.

	"What is that, sir?" I asked him in German. (By now most of our
conversations were in German.)

	"It's a map, Tanas."

	"Map?" This was a new word to me. I studied the parchment
closer. If it was a picture then it was so poorly drawn that I couldn't
make heads or tails of its subject.

	"Yes, a map," he replied, taking a moment to spell the new word for
me.

	"I don't understand what it is, sir. Is it a picture?"

	"Yes and no, Tanas. A map is both a drawing and an idea. It is a
representation on parchment of a region of the earth."

	"I don't see any trees or rocks in this map," I replied. He
chuckled at this.

	"No, Tanas," he answered with a smile. "It does not show as much
detail as each individual tree and rock. Instead it is more a picture of
the land as it might appear from the vantage point of the Heavens, looking
down upon the earth from far above."

	"How could any man know something such as that?"

	"There are men who collect knowledge from others about the
situation of certain lands, and who observe and put down on parchment what
they see and learn. Do you see this line here? This represents the path of
a river through the countryside. And here where there is the word 'Cesis,'
that represents the location of an actual town by that name. The purpose of
a map is to guide a man in an unfamiliar region. Though I have never been
to the lands which this map depicts, I would still know my way on the roads
between towns and know where a bridge might be found on a particular river
after studying it."

	"I have never heard of Cesis before, sir. Is that near here?"

	"It is many leagues north of here, in the lands of Livonia" he
replied.

	I knew something of Livonia. It is a land in the north which is
populated by Esti, Finns, Balts and Varangians, but which is governed by
the Danes. It is bordered on the east with the lands of the Rus, and on the
north and west with the sea. Balts and Finns are dark of hair and eye, and
have a dusky skin tone like myself. They are unlike the Danes, Varangians,
Slavs and Rus who commingled in their lands and who are all for the most
part fair of hair, eye and skin. If I was indeed a Finn (as many townsfolk
suspected) then I or my parents had most likely come from Livonia.

	"Why do you wish to learn the lands of Livonia, sir?" I asked. At
this he was quiet for a moment before letting out a sigh.

	"I have had a letter from Litauenstadt today, Tanas." Litauenstadt
was the new German name which the Teutons had given to Vladice. A letter
from Litauenstadt was not particularly noteworthy. The Commander was always
receiving correspondence which came from there. Once Duke Bohuslav's seat
in this region, the Teutonic Knights now used it as a base of operations
for cementing their control over the land. The Commander's superior
officer, Grand Marshal von Draufel, presided from that city and was always
sending letters. Usually these letters concerned subjects like provisions,
troop allocations, and rules for the Germanization of the populace. However
I sensed from the Commander's sudden reticence that this particular letter
did not contain the usual fare. I remained quiet and waited for him to
continue.

	"The Grand Marshal has written me in his own hand. He honors me for
my service to the Order, and says that he commended me in particular to the
Grand Master at Acre for my leadership at Bolvida Fields." (I had learned
some time ago that the Commander had been the commanding officer for the
left flank of the German army, and had in fact been responsible for
annihilating Bohuslav's cavaliers.) He continued with a sour look on his
face, "He has commanded me to report to him in Litauenstadt in a
fortnight's time. It seems I have been elevated to the rank of Marshal and
he seeks to invest me with the symbols of that office."

	This was very exciting news indeed!

	"Marshal!" I exclaimed. "My lord! This is wonderful news! I am so
excited for you! The Grand Marshal has done you a great honor! Of course
you have earned it-- how could you not!" I couldn't contain my excitement.
Without thinking I suddenly grabbed him and hugged him to me. He tensed up,
and I quickly released him. "I'm sorry, sir," I said sheepishly.

	He put his hand on his shoulder and looked me in the eye. "Thank
you, Tanas. Your enthusiasm and faith in me are reassuring."

	To be promoted to Marshal was a great honor. During my nightly
studies with the Commander I had of course learned the chain of command in
the Teutonic Order. The order was headed by its Grand Master, elected by
the ranks of the members when the previous Grand Master died or
relinquished his command. The current Grand Master was a man named Hartmann
von Helbrungen, who resided in the Order's stronghold in the city of Acre,
which is in the Holy Land. Directly below him, and serving as the
commander-in-chief of all military forces, was Grand Marshal von Draufel.
There were only ever one Grand Master and one Grand Marshal at a time.
Below the rank of Grand Marshal was then the rank of Marshal, of which
there were usually only two or three. Then there was the rank of Commander,
whi ch was a more numerous position; Then Vice-Commander, which was more
numerous yet. Th en there were the ranks of Sergea nt-at-arms, Priest, and
then Knight. In total there were barely more than 800 members of the Order,
though they controlled vast armies of paid foot soldiers, who made up the
bulk of their forces.

	The Commander's promotion to the rank of Marshal would therefore
push him into one of the highest positions of authority within his
order. Over the last several months I had grown to understand him as a man,
and I truly believed the Order could only benefit from his wisdom, his
innate sense of leadership, his humility, and his sense of justice. But
then my mind wandered back to the map. What did that have to do with his
elevation?

	"But sir," I ventured, " Why then do you have a map of Livonia
before you? Litauenstadt is not in that land. It isn't even to the north--
it's to the west."

	"Of that I am aware, Tanas. But I do not suppose the Grand Marshal
seeks to honor me with such a prestigious commission without asking
something of me in return." He stood up then and turned to the fire,
warming his hands before continuing with a thoughtful tone to his voice.

	"Although he was routed at Bolvida, Duke Bohuslav escaped to the
west. He has mustered another army under his command, and is being
supported by many lords of the Rus in that area who do not want to see my
Order prevail in this region.

	"Of a similar mind will be the Danish king. Always at odds with the
Empire has that lord been, and unwilling to accept the Emperor as his
liege. He undoubtedly sees our arrival at the borders of the Duchy of
Livonia as a direct threat to his authority. He will gather an army to push
us out of these lands.

	"Therefore in the spring Grand Marshal von Draufel will require two
armies-- one to fight the Danes and their allies in the north, and one to
fight the Slavs in the west. He can not command them both... It is the comm
on duty of a Marshal to lead armies for the Order."

	"I think I understand now, my lord." I replied. "You think he will
ask you to lead one of the armies?"

	"We shall see, Tanas." Then he looked aside to me with a long look
in his eye. His voice was somber. "For now you should prepare yourself for
our departure. We must leave Klatovi in ten days time if I am to reach
Litauenstadt by the date set by the Grand Marshal. I do not know if you
shall see your home again, Tanas. Certainly not for a long time at the
least."

	"I would gladly follow you to the four corners of the world, my
lord. I will not be sad to leave as long as I am with you." I did not want
him to worry for my sake. In any case I saw the situation rather as a great
opportunity. Had I not always wanted to see more of the world?

	"I shall be glad of your company on the long roads ahead, Tanas."

	After mass on the following Sunday the Commander stood before the
altar and addressed the congregation. He had told me the night before that
he would do this. He announced that he had been recalled by his order and
that he would be departing the town in the middle of the week. He explained
that the lordship of the Klatovi would pass to the Vice-Commander, and that
they were still bound by the same laws and rules as previously laid out for
them that summer.

	I was keenly aware of Jeska's eyes boring a hole in my back as I
sat there on my bench. I had thought often on how I would tell him I was
leaving. In the end the Commander's speech had done the hard part for
me. But there was still the business of saying goodbye, and there was a
small part of me that felt I was abandoning him. Jeska, like me, did not
have other friends. I could only imagine how lonely things would be for him
when I was gone.

	I waited for him in the snow near the elm tree in the
churchyard. When he came out of the church his face was closed. Gone was
the usual smile he wore when we met. He had his hands stuffed into the
sleeves of his woolen tunic for warmth. As he passed I joined him and we
walked the streets quietly for some minutes.

	"Are you angry with me, Jeska?" I asked him once the silence had
become too difficult for me.

	"No," he replied. "No, not really. I'm sad, Tanas. And jealous, I
suppose. I knew this day would come, though I often hoped it wouldn't. I'll
be lonely without you to talk to."

	"I'll miss you, too, Jeska. You've been a good friend to me these
last months."

	"And you to me."

	"Come; let's not be sad on this last day together. We still have
some hours ahead of us, and I have a special treat for you!"

	"Oh?" he asked, picking his eyes up from the road where they had
been studiously fixed until then. "What have you got for me?"

	In reply I only smiled at him and grabbed his hand, beginning to
run through the snow-filled streets with him in tow. I led him towards the
keep. I had secured the Commander's permission the night before to give
Jeska a tour of the keep grounds and the tower. When we reached the bridge
to the keep gates he let out a light fit of laughter.

	"Am I allowed in there?" he asked.

	"Today you are!"

	The guard allowed us through without any questions. Once we had
passed through the gate Jeska's head began to turn in every direction,
taking in the sights.

	"To the left are the barracks and the gaol. To the right are the
stables and the practice grounds. And of course ahead is the tower. Come,
I'll show it to you as it was first shown to me!" I said, pulling him
towards the tower.

	"Wait! I want to see the gaol where you were sent on that first
day!"

	"No," I answered. "Be glad that you haven't seen it, Jeska, and
pray that you never do. For my part I refuse to go back there."

	"Very well then. Show me the tower!"

	I led him through every inch of the tower. He was more curious then
even I had been. The size of great hall amazed him, the oddity of the privy
made him laugh, and the comfort of Commander's quarters left him
speechless. I saved the top of the tower for last.

It was bitter cold up there in the winter wind, but the sight was perhaps
even more beautiful than in the summer. The whole land for as far as the
eye could see was covered in snow and ice. Jeska was thrilled at the
experience. We stayed up there until our hands and faces were numb before
finally climbing down and warming ourselves in front of the hearth in the
Commander's quarters.

	"There's something else I have for you," I said to him once my
teeth had stopped chattering. I went over to my chest to get what I had
planned to give him.

	"You don't have to give me anything, Tanas. This day has already
been amazing. I won't soon forget it!"

	"This is for my peace of mind as well as for your future. Take it,
and don't refuse. I'll be sorely hurt if you do." I reached out and handed
him my old coin purse. All of the money I had managed to save while living
under Dalibor was there. "It isn't much, but I want you to have it. Save
it, don't fritter it away on silly things. Put it towards that day when you
can buy your freedom back."

	"Tanas--"

	"No, Jeska. Now put it away inside your tunic and we'll not speak
of it again." He looked long at me, his eyes wet, before nodding and
slipping the purse inside a pocket. Then he stepped forward and embraced me
in a bear hug.

	"Thank you," he whispered.

	Just then the door opened and the Commander stepped into the
room. Jeska let go of me and took a step away. He bowed before the
Commander. I was glad the purse was now out of sight. I thought the
Commander might be angry with me if he knew I had given away every last
copper piece I had to my name. (Though that did not make me regret doing
so.)

	"Ah, there you are, Tanas," the Commander spoke. "I was looking for
you. The afternoon meal is being served in the great hall. I thought your
friend might like to stay and dine with us."

	I turned to Jeska and already I could see his answer in his face.
His eyes were wide with wonder and his mouth was hanging open.

	"Yes, sir. We'll come down now. Come on, Jeska." The Commander
turned and headed back down to the hall, Jeska and I on his heels.

	Jeska was all eyes while we dined at the knights table. He was
virtually shaking with excitement, so near to so many knights and
soldiers. I was thankful for the Commander's thoughtfulness, and I tried to
thank him silently several times throughout the meal with very big, very
sincere smiles. After the third such smile I think I even made him blush. I
was sorry that the meal, and Jeska's adventure, had to come to an end, but
it was not long before I was escorting him back out of the tower and
through the keep gates.

	We stood on the wooden bridge for a few moments facing each other,
unsure of what we should say. Finally I stepped forward and kissed him on
each cheek.

	"Farewell, Jeska. I hope our paths cross again one day," I spoke.

	"Farewell, Tanas," he replied. Then he turned and began walking
back to the house of his mistress. I watched him until he turned a corner
and disappeared from my view before returning to the keep. I felt lousy.

	That night, as the Commander sat upon his bed and I knelt before
him pulling off his boots, he put a hand on my shoulder and stilled me. I
looked up at him.

	"I know what you did this afternoon, Tanas," he said.

	"Sir?"

	"I was standing at the door. It was not fully closed. I did not
intend to eavesdrop, but I overheard none the less."

	"Are you angry with me for giving away the money, sir?" I would
have preferred he not know about it, but I wouldn't pretend not to know
what he was talking about either. He had an odd look on his face when I
asked him this. It was half a look of pleasure, half a look of sadness. I
wasn't sure what he was thinking. Then he put his hand on my head and
stroked my hair.

	"Tanas... Tanas..." he spoke in an odd, strained tone. "How could I
be angry with you for such a deed? Your selflessness and your charity make
me proud. It fills my heart with warmth to think someone as pure as you
still lives in this world."

	I wasn't sure what could be said to such a remark, so instead I
continued to pull his boots off and said nothing more on the matter, and
neither did he.

	I rose early on the morning of our departure as there was much for
me to do. While the Commander settled last-minute affairs with the
Vice-Commander, I had to make sure all of his belongings had been properly
packed and brought down to the courtyard. My own possessions filled only
one bag and hardly required much packing at all. Once everything was down
in the courtyard I had to harness and saddle not just my mare, but the
Commander's charger and his gelding. He would travel on the gelding, the
charger being primarily just for battles and for official purposes.
(Although for the trip to Litauenstadt the charger would bear the burden of
the Commander's weapons and armor.) There was also a fourth horse we were
taking with us to serve as a main baggage animal, and this I had to harness
and load up with the luggage.

	Mistress Rosalinde had prepared several packages of cheeses,
breads, and dried meats for us to eat on the journey. She also gave us
several bottles of cider. These I packed in the saddlebags of my own
mare. When all was prepared I returned to our quarters where I found the
Commander performing a last-minute inspection to make sure nothing was left
behind which would be needed.

	"Everything is prepared, Commander," I told him.

	"Very good then, Tanas. Are you looking forward to your little
adventure?"

	"Very much so, sir!" I answered with a smile.

	"Come, girdle me with my sword." I retrieved his sword from where
it lay atop his chest and girdled it to his belt. "Now that is better.
Although the roads we will be traveling upon are in friendly territory, one
can never be too careful. Which reminds me, Tanas-- it is time we girdled
you with your own blade."

	Although I had been training in the use of swords for months, he
had never before allowed me to walk about with my own blade beyond the
practice field. I felt as though I were suddenly coming of age.

	"Are you sure I should, sir?" I asked, unsure of myself.

	"Of course. You have been an excellent student. You handle yourself
well with a blade, Tanas. And I suspect that one day you will be a
swordsman of great renown ." I blushed at his praise.

	"I have no sword of my own with which to be girdled, sir," I
pointed out.

	"Yes you have, Tanas. And a very fine blade it is. I've been saving
it for this occasion." He walked over to the table and picked up a sword
which lay upon it. I was sure it had not been there earlier in the
morning. It was sheathed in a finely worked leather scabbard.

	"It was such a fine blade-- of course it was immediately brought to
my attention when it was discovered. Many great lords don't own a sword
half as fine. I wrote a letter of commission to a leatherworker of some
renown in Lubeck for the scabbard." He held the hilt of the sword out to
me. I grasped it and pulled the sword out of the sheath. I gasped in
surprise.

	"My blade!" I exclaimed. "I long wondered what had happened to it,
until one day I forgot it altogether!" It was the same blade I had made
with my own hands. The Commander had saved it for me, and now he returned
it. "But sir-- I never expected to wear this sword myself. It is too fine
for me."

	"I see no reason why you shouldn't wear it, Tanas."

	Truly it did not feel appropriate for me to wear something so fine,
but I did have an idea. Holding the blade in both hands I knelt before the
Commander. "My lord, it would give my great honor if you would wear this
sword which I have made myself."

	"Tanas, I didn't--"

	"Commander, please-- accept it as token of my great regard and
affection toward you," I said with some insistence. In a sense I had
trumped him. He could not now refuse as it would have been un-chivalrous
for him to decline an offer made in such a manner. Instead he sighed and
took the blade from me.

	"Very well, Tanas, though I fear you underestimate the value of the
gift."

	"The true gift is in seeing you wear it, my lord," I replied. I
then helped him remove his own sword and girdle the new. Then he helped
girdle me with his former sword. Truly I felt as though I had made out on
the bargain. It was an honor to be wearing his sword, a treasure more dear
to me than that which I had created with my own hands. I was satisfied.

	"Now Tanas, let us be off before the sun is in mid-morning."

	There was little fan-fare when we left the keep. Only the
Vice-Commander and a few of the knights had come out in the cold to see us
off. The old man shook my hand and pat me on the back before wishing me
luck and helping me onto my mare. Then, with very few other words spoken,
the Commander and I rode out of the keep. In the streets of Klatovi barely
anyone paid us any heed. Within a few minutes we had passed through the
gates of town and were headed south on the road.

	There was a bridge spanning the Dubysa a few miles south of town
which we would need to cross before we could move west across the
countryside towards Litauenstadt. The Commander was feeling talkative that
day, and he began telling me about what I should expect to see when we
arrived in that city. He spoke of the buildings, the people, and the action
in such a large town. He had a talent for seeing and exposing the
ridiculous in some people, and he would sometimes affect the voice of such
a person to enhance the silliness of the tale. He had me laughing and
smiling for much of the morning.

	When mid afternoon came I pulled out one of Mistress Rosalinde's
food packages for us to snack upon, though we did not stop riding. I handed
the Commander some cheese and a bottle of cider, and we passed that back
and forth until we were satisfied. I then carefully wrapped what remained
back up in the linen cloth and packed it back away in my saddlebags. Only a
couple brief stops did we make that day, and only to allow the horses to
drink from streams along the road.

	As the afternoon dragged on I began to feel weary and more than a
little bored. Weary because I had never ridden for so long before in one
day. Bored because the scenery was ever the same-- fields and forests for
as far as the eye could see, dotted with farmsteads. I could have seen that
at home! The Commander seemed un fazed. He didn't look the least bit tired
sitting in his saddle. Of course he was used to this. His military
background meant he practically lived his whole life on the back of a
horse. He tried to rally me with more stories, but by the time the sun was
sinking beyond the hills I was too weary to be a good listener.

	With the loss of the sun it also became unbearably cold. Even my
fur-lined cap and cloak were not enough to keep the cold at bay. I began to
wonder where we would spend the night. We very well couldn't sleep in the
snow. But the Commander must have sensed my thoughts, for he spoke up then.

	"Just a short while more, Tanas. There is a small roadside inn
perhaps a league or two further down the road where we will spend the night
in warmth."

	"I'm glad to hear it, my lord. I'm not sure how much longer I can
keep myself in the saddle. I can't feel my feet anymore."

	Thankfully the Commander had been right. It was perhaps only
another half hour before we came upon the inn. Actually it appeared to be
nothing more than an oversized farmstead with attached barn which sat upon
the south side of the road. Light peaked out through the closed shutters of
the building, smoke rose from the fieldstone chimney-- promises of warmth
inside.

	"Take the horses to the barn and unburden them, Tanas. I will go
speak with the innkeeper and have a man come out to feed them. Meet me
inside."

	"Yes sir," I answered. With all of the luggage on the four horses
it took me some time to unburden and unsaddle them. A man from the inn came
out to feed them while I was still at my task. But finally I had done my
duty and I quickly made my way inside the inn.

	The inn seemed a bit old, though it was well-kept. The downstairs
was comprised of a large common room with some tables and chairs. There was
a doorway to the right covered with a curtain, perhaps leading to the
innkeeper's rooms or the kitchen. Ahead were stairs leading to the upstairs
rooms. The Commander was seated at a table in the corner of the common room
near the fieldstone hearth. He had a bowl of stew in front of him, and
another sitting across from him, and a jug and two cups between the two. I
went to sit with him, making sure to place my numb feet towards the fire.

	"Dig in, Tanas. It's simple fare, but warm and good. I'm sure you
must be hungry," he said to me. I didn't give any reply, but picked up my
spoon and began greedily downing the stew. The Commander was perhaps a
little more civil in the consumption of his own. When we were done I let
out a satisfied sigh and slouched back in my chair. By now my feet were
toasty warm thanks to the fire. An old and toothless woman suddenly
appeared from behind the curtained doorway to collect the empty dishes.

	"Was everything satisfactory, my lords?" she asked. I was surprised
to discover she spoke German.

	"Quite, madam. Our thanks. I think we will go now to bed. We have a
long journey ahead of us tomorrow," the Commander answered her in German.

	"Very well," she replied before disappearing back behind the
curtain.

	"What a surprise to find someone who speaks German in these parts!"
I said to him once I was sure she was out of earshot.

	"Not particularly," he answered. "You will find that all of the
inns along the roads between towns and cities are now run by Germans. They
are usually the first businesses to be seized after occupation. Don't look
at me so, Tanas-- it wouldn't be safe to have messengers and officers at
risk in establishments which may harbor ill-will against them. The roads
must be safe, and that includes the inns along the way. If this inn had
been run by a Slav I should have had you sleep out in the barn with the
luggage to keep it safe. I'm sure you wouldn't have liked that!"

	"No sir, I wouldn't," I conceded.

	When we entered our room for the night I was surprised at its
size. It was small, and the ceiling slanted downwards so that the room
resembled a triangle more than a square. Neither of us could stand at our
full height in the room and we were forced to keep our heads ducked or risk
hitting them on the beams. There was only one bed in the room, and it took
up most of the space. It had clearly seen better days. The only other
furniture was a wooden chair which sat behind the door.

	I was sorely disappointed. I had imagined all afternoon that a
large, warm, soft feather bed awaited me at the end of the day. I saw now
that I would have to sleep on the floor for the night. I was determined not
to complain to the Commander, however; I wanted him to believe I was made
of sterner stuff than that.

	We ungirdled our swords and leaned them against the wall in the
corner of the room. Then I assisted the Commander with removing his boots
and clothing and laid everything carefully upon the chair. Wearing just his
underbreeches he sank with a deep sigh into the bed. Oh, how I envied him!
I struggled with my own boots and set them aside next to the Commander's.
Then I laid out my cloak upon the floor, blew out the candle, and lay down
on the floor, wrapping myself in my cloak. I was not comfortable.

	I heard the Commander sit up suddenly in his bed.

	"Tanas, what on earth are you doing?" he asked.

	"I'm trying to sleep, sir," I answered. What did he think I was
doing?

	"Why are you on the floor?"

	"There is no other place to sleep, sir."

	"Don't be absurd, Tanas. Get undressed and get into bed."

	"But sir..."

	"Please, Tanas, I'm too tired to argue about this. The bed is more
than enough for both of us. Now come here."

	I wasn't sure how I felt about this sudden turn of events. If I lay
in the bed with the Commander I wasn't sure I could control my body's
reaction. I was terribly attracted to him. What if my body betrayed my
feelings toward him? I didn't wish to insult him and embarrass myself.
Suddenly sleeping on the floor seemed a much better situation than it had
several moments earlier. Unsure of what to do, I was frozen in place.

	"Tanas," the Commander spoke again in the dark, this time more
sternly.

	"Yes sir. I'm coming, sir," I replied.

	Reluctantly I stood up and began to remove my tunic, breeches and
hose. When I was down to my underbreeches I laid everything carefully atop
his clothes on the chair and then climbed into the bed. I tried very hard
to stay as close to the edge of the bed as possible and avoid touching the
Commander. Unfortunately it wasn't a particularly large bed and we were
still in contact with each other. I could feel the warmth of his body and
the hairs on his arms and thighs were lightly brushing against my own
skin. The sensation was setting my skin on fire. My heart was beating so
loudly that I was certain he would hear it. My only reprieve was that I was
too nervous for my member to harden up.

	"Now isn't that better?" he asked, rolling onto his side.

	"Yes sir," I answered, my throat suddenly dry.

	It wasn't long before I heard the heavy breathing which signaled
his sleep. I lay awake on my back for a long time before sleep claimed me.

	I awoke some time in the middle of the night. I was instantly aware
that my member was hard as stone, and it wasn't difficult to understand
why. I was still lying on my back, but the Commander was asleep on his side
facing towards me. His right arm had replaced my pillow and my head now
rested on its strong muscle, which was surprisingly soft in his repose. His
face was nuzzled close against the curve of my neck and the prickly feel of
his unshaven chin and the warm flow of his breath against my skin was a
tortuous pleasure. His left arm he had draped over my bare stomach and his
hand held my right hip. His left leg he had forced between my own and his
knee had come to rest just below my scrotum, our naked thighs intimately
connected. My whole left side was in complete contact his warm furry body,
and I could feel against my thigh that he too was hard-- the size and feel
of his turgid member was unmistakable . The scent of his body was powerful
and alluring.

	I had never before felt anything as thrilling and intoxicating, so
secure and safe as lying in his arms that night. Many times I had
fantasized about just such a moment. And yet I was also afraid-- afraid he
would wake and find us thus, realizing that it was me he held in his sleep
and not some dreamed-of lover. Afraid that he would discover that I enjoyed
it, that I fancied him. I couldn't bear to feel his anger and rejection
then.

	I tried to pull away from him in the bed, but his arm about my
waist pulled me tighter against him, and he gave a small growl in his
throat. I was terrified then that I had woken him, but after some still
moments I could tell that he was in fact still asleep. Unable to extricate
myself from him, I instead rolled over onto my side, my back towards him,
so that if he were to awaken at the very least my arousal would not be
obvious to him. He again pulled me close against him with his left hand
against my belly, where it then stayed. We were then back-to-chest. His
arousal was now lying against the crevice of my buttocks, just our
underbreeches separating us. Its presence sent shivers down my spine. His
arm was still under my head, but now his face was nuzzled against the nape
of my neck. My member was so hard it ached.

	When I next opened my eyes there was daylight seeping in through
the cracks of the shuttered windows. The room was bitterly cold. I pulled
the wool blanket closer about me. It was then I determined the Commander
was not in the bed with me. I missed the feel of his arms about me.

	"Good morning, Tanas!" he suddenly announced cheerily from the
corner of the room. I turned in the direction of his voice. He had already
got his hose and breeches on, and was pulling his tunic over his head. I
studied his face for a moment to determine if there was any change, if
there were any sign that he was aware of what had happened while he
slept. But his face was open and his look sincere. If anything he seemed
more cheerful than normal.

	"Good morning, sir," was my reply.

	"If this cold is any indication then I'll wager the innkeeper
allowed the fire in the hearth to go out in the night. Ah well, she's old
and we'll forgive her negligence." He winked when he said this. "You surely
would have frozen if you had stayed on the floor last night, Tanas. Better
that you came to the bed and we could share our heat."

	If last night was just an issue of sharing our body heat then I
wished every night of the year were a bitterly cold winter night. But I did
not say this. I only replied with another, "Yes sir."

	"Get dressed, Tanas. We have another long day of riding ahead of
us. Best if we start while the morning is young." He was pulling his boots
on as he said this. When he was fully dressed he turned to me and added,
"I'll meet you down in the common room. Be quick!" And with that he left
the room.

	I was glad he had left. I didn't want to him to see my hard member
when I got out of bed. Although I woke nearly every morning hardened, and
on several occasions the Commander had surely noticed, on this morning I
was feeling more shy about him. The floor and the air were bitter cold. I
donned my hose and other clothing as quick as I could, but it wasn't until
I was down in the common room sitting near the newly-stoked hearth that I
began to feel warm again.

	While we ate our meal of porridge and ham provided by the innkeeper
the Commander spoke of the progress he hoped to make during our day's
journey. I realized after some minutes that I had not been paying
attention, and instead had only been watching his well-formed mouth create
the words, remembering the feel of his breath upon my neck.

	"...will have passed by the village of Nida, and by early afternoon
the village of Skirsnemunas. Then we will follow the Nemunas west and by
nightfall we should have reached the town of Jurbarkas. There we will stay
in the town's keep with others of my order." He looked up and saw that I
was done with my porridge. "Well then Tanas, go and saddle up the
horses. I'll settle our account with the innkeeper and meet you in the
barn."

	"Yes sir," I answered, pulling on my gloves and hat and donning my
cloak before stepping out into the cold.

	I had only finished reloading the baggage horse and was saddling
and burdening his charger when he came into the barn. He made to help me
with the task.

	"I can do it, my lord," I interjected, anxious that he shouldn't
think I was a slouch with my duties.

	"I know you can, Tanas, but a helping hand is always welcome
company," he replied. The work went faster between the two of us and we
were very soon out upon the road again, riding southwest towards the
Nemunas, which w e would then follow to Litauenstadt.

	He was in an especially good mood this day, and we had not been
long on the road when suddenly he broke out into verse. He began reciting
the tale of a knight named Roland who gave his life in the course of a
glorious battle in service to his liege lord, Charlemagne, during a
campaign in Moorish Spain. It was long- it took him nearly two hours to
recite- and yet it seemed he had nearly all of it remembered to heart. In
some parts it did not always rhyme, and I suspected those were the parts he
had forgotten and filled in on his own, but it didn't matter. I sat riveted
upon my horse, listening and picturing in my mind's eye the story that was
told.

	Charlemagne was returning to the lands of the Franks after forcing
a Saracen king of Saragossa to capitulate to him. But through the treachery
of a jealous knight named Ganelon the Saracens pursued Charlemagne secretly
and attacked his rear-guard in the valley of Roncesvaux. Roland was the
captain of that force, a knight both brave and handsome. Together with his
faithful friend, Oliver, and his men, he stayed off the attack of the
Saracens, though he was sorely outnumbered by them. Through the course of
an entire day Roland, with Oliver at his side, fought valiantly and slew
many heathens. But as the hour became late the superior numbers of the
Saracens overwhelmed the Franks until nearly all were dead, and even Oliver
had by then died in Roland's arms. Then Roland, in his final moments before
being hewn to death, blew upon his mighty oliphant horn to alert his lord
to what had happened, and so that the good king could return and give their
corpses a proper burial. But when Roland blew his horn three times his
temples burst, and the holy saints carried his soul up to the Kingdom of
Heaven, cheating the Saracens of his death.

	Hearing the horn, Charlemagne and his army arrived- but it was too
late. All of the rear-guard was dead. The good king wept at the loss of his
friends, and quickly exacted revenge upon the Saracens. Ganelon's plot was
eventually discovered, and he was given a traitor's tortuous death. Roland,
on the other hand, was made a martyr and now sits at the right hand of
Christ.

	Of course this is just a very brief summary of the tale. The
Commander told the story exceptionally well, and it was wonderful to hear
it spoken in that magnificent voice of his. The detail in the story was
immense, and by the time he had finished it I half believed I had seen such
places as Cordoba and Saragossa with my own eyes. For several hours
afterwards I asked him an endless stream of questions about the tale, until
finally with a sigh and a chuckle he begged to have no more questions on
the matter.

	Naturally I drew some parallels between the Commander and Roland in
my mind. Both were fair and handsome, both were valiant and brave, both
were great captains. But I also knew that had the Commander been in
Roland's place he would have been more practical and careful in battle and
so perhaps a part of the rear-guard may have extricated themselves and
survived. I was sure that in a comparison between the two, the Commander
was the better man. Upon Oliver my mind dwelt even longer. I saw him as I
saw myself-- a man who loved his captain and gave his life in his
service. I swore secretly in my heart that, should the Commander ever be in
peril, I would without question lay down my life to protect him. It was not
the oath of a naive boy who had never seen battle, but the promise of one
who truly in his heart loved the man, though he may never know it.

	After some time we entered a large old pine forest through which
the road cut. It was a dark wood and little of the day's sunlight
penetrated the canopy. The air was still and quiet, there was no wind or
sound aside from the footfall of the horses. It was so quiet that almost we
could have been in a room with a closed door. The Commander's conversation
had dropped off after we entered the wood, and it was not long before his
good humor seemed to have left him altogether. Discovering a brook which
ran near to the road we dismounted to allow the horses a drink. I was
chewing on a bit of dried meat and watching my mare drink thirstily when
the Commander broke in upon my thoughts.

	"How did you become a slave to Dalibor, Tanas?" he asked from his
seat some paces away on a boulder. I was surprised. He had never before
ventured to ask me that question.

	"He bought me, my lord. From a miller, when he was traveling the
north regions."

	He was quiet for a moment. "And the miller, from whence did he have
you?"

	"He took me in trade from my mother, my lord, in exchange for
milling her crop."

	"Your mother?" he asked incredulously. "Do you mean to say that
your own mother sold you into slavery?"

	"Yes sir," I answered matter-of-factly.

	"How old were you then?" he asked.

	"I was not yet seven years old. In these lands it is acceptable for
a parent to sell a child, so long as it is not the first-born son."

	"By God... May Satan take her soul!" he exclaimed. I was shocked--
I had never before heard him make such a curse! I crossed myself at his
mention of the Evil One.

	"Don't be quick to condemn her, sir. Perhaps she only did what she
must. It is Christ whom she will face for her judgment , and I will leave
that task to Him alone."

	"You would defend her then?" he asked, jumping from his boulder and
approaching me. "You would forgive the woman who sold you into misery? A
woman who stripped you of a future and of happiness? Who for a lousy rotten
bag of flour traded away your very life ?!"

	He was working himself up into a state. I'd never seen him angry
like this before. I was thoughtful for a moment before stepping forward,
placing my hand upon his shoulder in a soothing, friendly manner -- a
gesture he had so often made with me before.

	I spoke quietly and slowly while looking into his eyes. "If I let
my heart fill with bitterness towards her, Commander...  If I let my soul
be consumed with hatred for her, then there would be no Tanas left. I have
forgiven her, sir. Not only because Christ asks it of me, but because there
is no other course left open to me. I must forgive her or I would be
destroyed."

	"Tanas," he spoke, his voice breaking.

	"I don't remember much of my life before I was sold, sir," I
interrupted him. "But what memories I do have are of cold and hunger. In
such circumstances there are never easy choices. I have never supposed that
what she did was easy for her. Yes, I was a miserable slave, and often I
despaired of ever having any future. But those trials are over--- yes,
trials! I have come through them for the better. Now here I stand this
morning on a road to an unknown destiny in the company of a great man whom
I know I will follow until the end of my days, and I have never been
happier in my life. This has only come to pass because she did sell me,
Commander-- Who then is to say that my mother did me a wrong, or a right?"

	He was quiet then, though there was a struggle upon his face. I
could feel his shoulder shaking. He then turned and took a few paces away
from me, wiping at his face with his glove. I did not flatter myself that
this sudden burst of emotion from him was all solely over my past. I
suspected that he was struggling with his own demons and issues of
forgiveness. Obviously the Commander had never known a life of slavery, but
all men, be they great or low, can be wounded in the heart by life. I did
not press him.

	After some time he spoke, his voice shaky. "There is a power in
your heart which few men possess, Tanas."

	I moved forward then and stood behind him, placing a hand on his
back. "The power of Forgiveness can be wielded by any man who seeks it. If
there is one who does not know where to look, then let him come to me and I
will guide him." I pulled away then and walked back to the horses. "Let's
continue on this road, Commander. The dark and still of this wood makes us
melancholy. Let's ride until we reach the end of it and there is sunlight
once again. I think you will feel more yourself then."

	He didn't answer but he followed me to the horses and we both
mounted up, and then we were on our way again. I had learned some silly
songs from the soldiers back in Klatovi and I now decided to sing them
(badly) as we rode to lighten the mood. The Commander was more himself
again and laughing in no time at all.

	By nightfall we had reached the walls of the town of Jurbarkas,
which is located at the confluence of the Nemunas and one of its
tributaries, the Mituva. Jurbarkas is not quite as large as Klatovi, but it
did have much the same feel as that town. Both Jurbarkas and it's lord's
keep were encircled by the same walls, but they were also walled off from
each other. One had to circle around the outside of the town to find the
gates to the keep. This the Commander and I did and we were confronted by
the night watch in the guard tower.

	"State your name and purpose!" called out one of the guards,
brandishing his bow towards us.

	"Commander Ulrich von Laubau, seeking a night's respite within the
keep along with my aide," replied the Commander from the back of his
gelding. At that both guardsmen bowed to the Commander .

	"We've been told to expect your arrival, my lord. Please enter. I
will send a messenger to alert Vice-Commander von Liebitz of your
presence." The gates opened and we rode through.

	The main building of the keep was very different from the keep in
Klatovi. It wasn't half as big for starters, and it wasn't even a stone
structure. It looked to be a fortified building built of wood and plastered
over. It had a red tile roof. There was no tower. In fact the extraneous
buildings were limited just to a medium-sized stable and a moderate guard
house. Both were also made of wood and plaster. I hoped for the sake of the
lord of this town that the city walls were thick, because certainly there
was no hope of defense in this keep if they were breached.

	Vice-Commander von Liebitz, who was the acting lord of Jurbarkas on
behalf of the Teutonic Order, met us at the door to the keep. He was a tall
and thin, older, serious-looking man. He was very formal when greeting us
and the Commander was formal in his return address. I stayed silent. A
servant of the household led our horses off to the stables.

	Despite the formalities the Vice-Commander was a gracious
host. Although the evening meal was over he ordered for something to be
brought to us in the common hall. He stayed with us and spoke with the
Commander while we ate. When the subject of our accommodations for the
evening came up he suddenly sent an odd look in my direction.

	He addressed the Commander. "I was aware of course from your letter
that you would be traveling with a companion, however I had not expected
him to be so young or... comely." I raised an eyebrow in the Commander's
direction. "There have been some... indiscretions... of late with some of
the men. It would perhaps not be wise to now have him in the dormitory,
where I had originally intended to house you. No, no, it would not do at
all."

	I suddenly wondered what kind of business the boys in Jurbarkas had
been up to that their own captain felt I would not be safe housing with
them for a night. I looked to the Commander again but I couldn't read his
expression.

	"Well then," continued von Liebitz, "there are only my quarters
left where you may stay without disruption. I shall sleep in the dormitory
with the knights."

	"Vice-Commander," began the Commander, "we do not wish to put you
out. I'm sure we would be perfectly fine spending the night in the
stables."

	"No, no, Commander," interrupted von Liebitz. "There has been
trouble enough these last few days, but it was not your doing. I will have
the room prepared for you shortly. I insist."

	The Commander did not push the subject further, and with that
things seemed settled.

	The Vice-Commander's room was not particularly large, but it was
nicely furnished. There was a large bed covered with woolen blankets and a
warm fire in the hearth. More importantly there was a bath, and it was full
of warm water! The Commander was just as thrilled at this prospect as I
was.

	While he sat in the bath and I washed his hair with my hands I
thought back on what von Liebitz had spoken about in the common hall.

	"Sir, what could the Vice-Commander's men have done that he felt I
wouldn't be safe with them?" I asked.

	He suddenly coughed and began to stutter over his response. I could
see a blush appear across his bare shoulders. This was most unlike his
usual self!

	"Why should he have mentioned that he thought I was comely?" I
continued. "That was a very odd remark, don't you think, sir?"

	After a few moments he seemed finally to have composed
himself. "Tanas, there is occasionally a ... issue, that arises at times
within the ranks. You must keep in mind that many of the knights are young
and in the prime of their manhood when they join. Their vows of celibacy
sometimes sit heavily upon them..."

	"Celibacy?" That was a new German word to me. "What is that?"

	"It is when a man forswears the pleasures of the flesh in order
that he may better serve God. All members of my order are sworn to
celibacy."

	"What? Even you?" I asked, startled.

	"Yes, Tanas. I too am sworn to celibacy."

	I felt as though someone had knocked me on the side of my head. I
had never realized this! The subject had never before come up. I thought
back to the previous night. I desired a man who had selflessly sworn
himself to God. What a wretch I was! The knowledge shamed me, and yet was
not enough to still my desire for him in my heart.

	"It would seem, Tanas," he continued, "that some of the men in this
outpost recently broke their vows of celibacy. And if I'm not mistaken, it
was perhaps with a comely youth."

	"Oh," was all I could say.

	"The Vice-Commander must now lead the stray sheep back to pasture,
as it were. You would be precisely the wrong type of distraction in the
dormitory at this time."

	I thought I would push my luck. "Do you think I'm comely,
Commander?" I ventured. He let out a loud and mirthful laugh at this.

	"Well now, Tanas-- I would answer that question except that you may
get a swelled head, and that would certainly ruin any good looks you might
have!" I splashed him with the bathwater as he continued to laugh.

	Later, after we had both taken a bath and had donned our
underbreeches, I began to blow out the candles in the room. The Commander
was already relaxed in his bed with the blanket pulled up to his waist.
Before blowing out the last candle I went to pull my trundle bed out from
under the Commander's b ed, only to discover there was no trundle bed.

	"There's no trundle bed here, sir!" I said stupidly.

	"Well then blow out the candle and climb in with me," he said with
a yawn. I did as he bade me.

	This bed was much larger than the one in the inn on the previous
night. There was ample space for the Commander and I to both lay on our own
sides without touching. I was thankful for this now that I knew the nature
of his commitment to the Order, but at the same time my body ached to have
him hold me again. With these conflicting emotions I drifted off to sleep.

	It was the heat and the pressure of his body which woke me. As on
the previous night, I discovered that while I had slept the Commander had
made his way over to me. He was halfway lying atop me with his arm wrapped
around my chest. His breath was soft and warm on my shoulder. He was not
fully atop me but still his weight was considerable. At first I thought I
would wake him, but eventually the selfish side of me won out and I said
and did nothing. Instead I fell back asleep, reveling in the glorious
feeling of having the man I loved atop me, even if he were unaware.

	When I awoke in the morning he was again already out of bed. In
fact he was not even in the room. I rose and dressed myself. As I was
pulling on my boots he entered. He held in his hands a plate of pork and a
cup of liquid.

	"I've brought you your breakfast," he said. "The Vice-Commander
would prefer if you ate in here."

	"Oh, alright."

	He sat upon the bed and silently watched me while I ate at the
small table in the room. He had an odd smile on his face. After some time
it became too much.

	"What is it, Commander?" I asked.

	"Nothing," was his response. Still he had that smile on his face. I
pretended to be annoyed but secretly I enjoyed having his eye upon me.

	When I was done he ushered me out of the room and out of the
keep. I had the sensation he was rushing me along. When we stepped out into
the courtyard I saw that our horses were already saddled and packed and
ready for the day's journey.

	"I would have saddled them if you had woken me earlier, sir," I
told him.

	"It wasn't me," he answered. "The Vice-Commander had a man saddle
them up. He'd like you to be on the road at your earliest convenience. It
seems he was worried your comely looks might cause trouble." He grinned at
his little joke. I rolled my eyes at him, but I couldn't suppress my
laughter.

	There was nobody in the courtyard to see us off, and so we simply
mounted and rode out of the keep without any ado.

	We were beginning to come near Litauenstadt, though we were still
more than a day's journey from that city. But its proximity meant that we
were now seeing more traffic upon the road. We passed all manner of
people-- German civilians, soldiers, local Slav peasants, merchants, even
some folk who looked to have Balt or Finn heritage like myself. These folk
in particular excited me because I had not seen any peoples who resembled
me since I had arrived with Dalibor in Klatovi more than eight years
previous.

	The Commander also kept me entertained with stories of his home in
Saxony. I liked especially when he spoke of his home to me. He always got a
warm look upon his face. One day I hoped that I would see it. He also told
more tales like he had the day before, most memorably a story about King
Richard of England and his faithful troubadour, Blondel. If Richard had
been anything like the Commander then I could well understand why Blondel
would have wandered all of Europa searching for him.

	At the end of the day we ended up in another small inn in a large
village named Vieskial. The village was rather unremarkable and the food
was not particularly good, but it didn't matter. I was eagerly looking
forward to going to bed and sleeping in the arms of the Commander.
Therefore I was sadly disappointed when I discovered our room held not one
large bed, but two smaller beds. I should have known that my luck would not
hold!

	The next morning after breakfast I went out to saddle and pack the
horses. When everything was prepared (I was getting better and faster at
this with experience) we once again struck out on the road. The traffic was
very heavy now. I suspected that, judging by the number of farmers carts
headed towards the city, we would be arriving on a market day.

	Finally, around mid afternoon, we crested a hill in the road and
suddenly there was Litauenstadt in the river valley below us, perched at a
bend in the Nemunas. My mouth fell agape. It was larger than I had
imagined. Six or seven towns the size of Klatovi could have fit within its
walls! There were so many rooftops visible within the city that one could
not possibly count them all. Even more amazing was the city keep. It didn't
have one tower-- it had seven! Not to mention a myriad of turrets and
gables. I could only guess at how many thousands of people lived within the
walls of Litauenstadt.

	"What do you say, Tanas?" the Commander suddenly spoke next to me.
"Shall we go find our futures together?"


[continued]