Date: Sat, 2 Feb 2008 23:38:58 -0800 (PST)
From: Suraj Ieshwar <ieshwar_24@yahoo.com>
Subject: The One He Loved

This story was first published in the Gay Authors Winter 2007 Anthology

The One He Loved by Ieshwar

** Thud Thud **

Jake desperately tried to ignore the loud thumping downstairs. He had to
find a place to hide in this desolate room.

** Thud Thud **

He had to! He had to! He had to!!!

** Thud Thud **

The sound of soldiers coming up painfully echoed in his ears as he tried to
calm himself. Apart from the bed and chair, there was a creaky closet on
his right that seemed would fall apart at any moment.

** Thud Thud **

It was really risky but he had no other choice. He cautiously and silently
opened the closet and slid his nine-year-old brother and himself in and
closed the door. All he could do now was hope they were not discovered.

"Peters has gone berserk. Jews in here?" Jake finally heard a voice boom.
He tightened his hold on Owen, his brother at the mention of `Jews'.

"They would have never made it here and if ever they had, they wouldn't be
alive now. You check in this room. I'll wait for you downstairs. After this
round, we can go to the camp and chill off without that General Peters
breathing down our neck," the same voice said though it seemed quite
nearer.

Jake hugged Owen as the sound of footsteps on the other side of the door
echoed in his ears. He dared not even breathe lest it revealed the two boys
to the soldier. Every fiber in his body prayed for their safety. Each
second stretched excruciatingly...

His eyes went wide when the door opened. His whole body went cold as he
stared in those emotionless blue eyes. For an instant, he thought he saw
death in those eyes.  That's it? Would this be his last breath? And Owen...

"Please don't kill us," Jake pleaded so quietly that he doubted that the
soldier heard him.

Nothing had prepared Jake for what happened next- the soldier closed the
door. He could hear the footsteps fade away. He couldn't understand this
strange reaction. But searching answers for weird happenings took a
subordinate place when it came to saving one's life during times of
war. Jake let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding back. He
realized that Owen was hugging him in a vice-like grip. He kissed his
little brother soothingly on his head and could feel him relax. Although
Jake knew they had just escaped from a great danger, he felt as though
there was still an army of soldiers out there, behind the door of the
closet. Perhaps that's why he didn't come out and stayed in the closet.

Jake didn't know how much time had pass but when next time the door opened,
the bright sunlight of afternoon had given in to the creeping darkness of
the evening. But Jake didn't notice it for he was much more interested in
the stranger in front of him. It was the same soldier he had seen
earlier. He was looking a bit different now; perhaps it was the demeanor or
just those mysterious blue eyes. Jake realized that the soldier wasn't much
older than he was; perhaps he was eighteen or a bit less.

"You can come out now. No one will harm you," he said soothingly as he
opened the door wider.

Jake lifted Owen, who was lying on his lap, and both stepped out of the
dingy closet yet keeping maximum distance between the stranger and them. He
noticed that both of his legs had become excruciatingly numb due to sitting
in the same position for hours.  Owen seemed to be having the same problem
since he kept pinching his leg.

"You can stay here for some time. No one will come here now," the soldier
said with a soft smile, "by the way, I'm Keith. And what's your name?"

"My name's Jake, Sir and he's Owen," Jake replied as he lowered his head
and tried to feel his legs.

"Drop the `Sir'. I'm no Sir. It's only Keith," he said in the same joyous
voice, "Here, there's some bread in here. There's not much but that's all I
managed to smuggle out.  I'll bring more tomorrow. I'll leave you now and
I'll be in the next room if you want something."

He handed Jake a paper bag and left the room after biding them
goodnight. Jake ate a few morsels and gave the rest to Owen. He couldn't
shake this deep feeling in the pit of his stomach. Why would a German
soldier show so much generosity to Jews? Once was enough to ignore but
twice? It was so weird... Then, he remembered a few other fugitives he had
met a few weeks ago. At night, when Owen had gone to bed, they had told him
things that were enough to make his food remake surface. Was this the
answer to the question that was bugging him? He didn't want to believe
it. But there was no other reason...

"Owen, you stay here. Okay?"

"But," Owen uttered while staring at him with his big green eyes.

"Don't worry. I'll only be gone for a moment. If I'm late, you go to
sleep. I'll come back," Jake kissed his anxious nine-year old brother on
the forehead and left the room.

He knew he had to do it; it was the only way to save his and Owen's
lives. The walk to Keith's room seemed to be very long; each step was so
heavy that he thought he would never make it. He wiped his face in case
there were traces of dirt or tears before he knocked on the door. As he
heard the `Come in', he entered the room.

"Oh, Jake! What happened? Any problem?" Keith smiled from his armchair on
which he was sitting and staring outside.

"It's... I came to tell you... thank you for saving us today," Jake
stammered as he walked to Keith.

"I just did what I needed to do," Keith said soothingly.

"If there's anything you want me to do, just tell me," Jake said as he
knelt and laid his trembling hand on Keith's upper thigh in an obvious
manner, "I'll do anything."

"Jake!" Keith yelled as Jake's hand went higher. He sprang from his seat as
if Jake's hand were red-hot iron. The armchair toppled and he backed away
from the kneeling figure.

Jake couldn't take it any more and burst into soft cries. He had just
ruined everything; the price for this small mistake would probably be his
and Owen's lives.

"Please don't kill us," he sobbed.

"Jake, you misunderstood me. Whatever I did, it was for my own reasons. I
never wanted these things from you," Keith said as he lifted Jake and made
him sit on a chair. "What made you think that I wanted... Did I say or do
anything?"

"No," Jake didn't elaborate, trying to wipe the tears away.

"Then why?"

"It's just that a few weeks ago, we met other fugitives," Jake whispered,
uncertain whether he should say this, "they told us that some soldiers
spared their lives if they...  I thought that you were..."

"Those guys must have met the worst. I'm not defending my kind or things
like that but all of us are not like that. Most of us are forced to do
these things. Look, you guys stay here. You're secure here. Please, believe
me. And I don't want anything in return.  I just want you to be safe."

"Why?" Jake asked as he lifted his tear-stricken face and immediately
regretted it. He could see the soldier's face visibly pale.

"Just... like that," he stammered softly, "it's really late now and Owen is
alone. Go!  And goodnight."


* * *


Jake lay wide awake on the bed as he felt Owen stir by his side. The last
night's events were still too complex for him to understand. He couldn't
help but feel a bit wary of Keith though he hadn't shown any sign of
danger...yet! For one hour, he remained like this yet he couldn't
understand why the soldier was feeling so magnanimous. For a moment, he
thought of running away from this stranger but Jake rejected the idea the
next second. Running wasn't safe and it was better to keep hiding,
especially in places like this where the Germans had already been
through. He would have to stay here but be a bit wary.

The sun was already in the sky when he wandered outside the room with Owen
close behind. The whole house was empty and he could feel a chill go down
his spine. What if Keith had gone to fetch other soldiers? Carefully, he
stepped in the kitchen in search for some food. Like the other rooms, this
one had the coldness of war; the warmth and intimacy usually found in a
common kitchen were missing. There was no food at all; all the shelves,
drawers and cupboards were empty.

He had barely walked a few steps when he heard the front door open and a
few seconds later, Keith stood in front of him with three full bags of
groceries and vegetables.

"Good morning. I went to fetch a few groceries from the quarters. You were
sleeping so I didn't bother to wake you guys up," he said cheerfully as if
he had just returned from the market, "I'm really famished. What will you
have?"

His blue eyes looked at the two expectantly. If the incident last night had
affected him, it didn't show at all.

"Tell me, Owen," he said as he knelt in front of the nine-year old boy, who
in turn clutched Jake's hand tighter, "What will you like to have as
breakfast? Today, we'll have your favorite dish. So? C'mon, what would you
like to have?"

Keith watched as neither of them replied so he tried once more, "C'mon!
I've got everything! Okay, what did you used to have everyday?"

"Maypo pancakes," Owen said slowly as he looked at the stranger with his
large brown eyes.

"Maypo pancakes!" Keith said as he rose up, "hmm, sounds delicious. Nice
pancakes for a sweet little boy. So, here are the ingredients."

Jake watched as Keith removed the ingredients from the bag. The German
soldier was visibly very flustered. When he broke the egg, the shells fell
in the bowl. He removed the shells as he muttered "clumsy". Then he started
adding salt and started mixing the salted egg yolk with water and Maypo.

Jake exchanged a glance with his little brother and Owen broke into fits of
giggles until he started roaring with laughter. Jake was trying to stifle
his laugh but it was so hard.

"I'm sorry," Keith said with his eyes downcast, obviously embarrassed and
hurt, "I...  I never heard about a Maypo pancake before. I'm sorry."

Jake froze as he saw that the soldier sad; it wasn't wise to hurt a German
these days.  He had been helping them, but now...

"It's not like this! We never make pancake with these things," Jake heard
Owen say as the little boy went next to Keith, "You have to first combine
water and Maypo. And you have to let it stand five minutes..."

Jake watched amusedly as the little boy directed and gave orders to the
bigger one. For a small second he was scared but then, he realized that if
Keith had to kill them, he could have done it hours ago. And then, Jake had
a pancake to make!

"You've never cooked, have you?" Jake asked after all three feasted on the
delicious pancakes.

"Today was the first day I cooked. And I really enjoyed it," Keith beamed
"Who knew that making a pancake could be so gratifying? But you guys know a
great deal! How did you learn all this?"

"We had a restaurant in Paris, a very famous one in fact," Jake said
proudly, "We often welcomed eminent personalities. Our parents were
passionate about their job and didn't wait to teach it to us. You can even
say that we learnt walking in the kitchen itself."

"Wow, that's great. I would have loved to know Paris...in different times,
you know.  My parents never let me approach the kitchen. My dad used to say
that it's a place only for women," he said casually, "But I would love
learning to cook. Never know when it might be handy. And where're your
parents?"

"Well," the older brother said as he shot a furtive look at the younger one
who suddenly looked sad, "we don't know. It was no longer safe for us to be
there. But they didn't want to leave their restaurant. They made us flee."

"I'm sorry," that's all Keith could say as he saw the tears in Owen's eyes.

"How come you brought all this food? And aren't soldiers supposed to live
together?"  Jake asked as he tried to change the topic.

"The General who's in charge of our troop is a very close friend of my
dad. He's known me since I was a kid. He knows that I don't like all these
things. And when I asked if I could live here to see if any Jew is entering
the region, he agreed. I do have to go to the camp everyday but most of the
time, I have to be here," Keith said, "And I'm allowed to have food for one
week. Being acquainted to the General gives you some unspoken rights and I
took a bit more than was needed!"


* * *


In the days that followed, Keith became much closer to the two
brothers. Cooking together had become a sort of ritual for the three where
they would have something to smile and be happy about. Keith learnt a few
dishes, including Maypo Pancakes. None of them deemed it important to say
or show that they were supposed to be enemies. Or that they were amidst a
deadly war. They soon became a family and Jake felt his insecurities around
the soldier fall.

One night, after Owen had fallen asleep, Jake rose to fetch something to
drink. He noticed
 that Keith's room was empty and when he looked for him, he found him on
the roof. Jake smiled as he saw the strong frame of the young fair soldier
against the background of the dark night and twinkling stars.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Keith said as he contemplated the dark sky.

"Yes," Jake agreed as he sat next to him and joined in the stargazing, and
after a few minutes of utter silence, he asked, "You never told us anything
about your family."

"There's not much in my family. My mother died when I was just ten. Since
then, it was Mrs. Wayne who looked after us. She was our governess. My
father is a general in the army. We rarely saw much of him but whenever he
saw us, he told us how much he wanted us to follow in his steps. Right now,
he must still be in some corner trying to devise plans or strategies. Then,
I had an elder brother, Alan. You can say he's the only family I had. He
was always there. He was really strong, you know.  When the war started,
our father had both of us integrated into the army. Alan passed away last
year. On the battlefield," he said with a tear in his eyes.

It was the first time Jake saw tears in the eyes of the soldier. It seemed
bizarre to see that soft smile gone from his face and tears running down
his pale skin. It didn't seem right. He felt the urge of wiping those tears
away and bringing that contagious smile back. But all he could do was to
lay his hand on Keith's shoulder and sit closer to him.

"You remember the moment when I opened the closet and found you?" Keith
said with his eyes downcast, "I had seen it in your eyes, Jake! That fear
of death, the fear if it was your last breath... In that moment I realized
how far I had fallen, Jake! I had become a murderer. A killer. I had killed
people. I saw them cry over the corpse of their loved ones. I was about to
even kill a child! This isn't me. I was never like this and I never
realized how much I had changed. I never wanted all this, Jake. I would
have never killed people. But we were forced. They used tact, words and
pressure to enroll us. And I know I'm not the only one.

You once asked me why I saved your life, right? It was for my own selfish
reasons. I wanted to redeem myself in my own eyes. I wanted to look at
myself in the mirror without any shame. I wanted a free
conscience. Perhaps, that's why I saved you. I'm no great person or savior,
Jake. I did it just for me."

Neither of them said anything after this. They stayed like this, each of
them lost in their thoughts. For a moment, Jake thought of getting away-
this man had killed so many innocents; he was one of those he hated. But
Jake didn't or perhaps, he couldn't.  Keith could have well kept this a
secret. But he didn't. He could have killed them the moment he saw
them. But he didn't. That night, he could have done anything with him. But
he didn't. Keith wasn't a real murderer. He was as guilty as the gun in his
hands. Only that his trigger was in the hands of someone else.

Jake was still mulling over his thoughts when Keith got up and left. Jake
followed him, a few steps behind.

"Good night," Keith said with a feeble attempt of smile as he stopped in
front of his room.

"You're not as bad as you think you are, Keith," Jake comforted him as he
stepped next to the German soldier, "Don't be harsh with yourself. You've
got a conscience, even in this cold world, Keith and that says a
lot. You're not like the others. You're different...special."

"Thanks!" Keith said, "I don't know about me. But you're definitely
special. You're
 very strong, Jake, just like Alan. You cared for your brother's life much
more than your life. And..."

Jake fell silent as he lost himself those blue eyes, which now seemed to be
a sea of love, of care... The silence wasn't like the one they experienced
before. This one seemed alive... with love, anticipation and desire. Jake
found himself coming closer to the soldier, closer than he ever had.

"And ...you're very beautiful," these were the words Keith said before
their lips met.

Jake felt like time had stopped when their lips met. Perhaps it was because
he had forgotten to breath. His whole body went still as Keith sucked on
his lower lip and held his face in his hands. Then, as abrupt as it
started, Keith tried to break away but Jake stopped him. He held onto his
collar and kept their lip lock intact. This time, it was he who was
kissing. Both of them were so entwined that they didn't know who opened the
door as they stepped inside Keith's room.

The room watched as the two stripped out of any question or hesitation that
would have stopped them. Their eyes held the flame of love, which reduced
the obstacles and bigotry received in heritage from their fellow ancestors
to ashes. They were so close that it felt like one's heart was beating in
the chest of the other. Within those four walls, they became one while
outside the walls, one was becoming two.


* * *


"Where were you last night?" Owen reproached his elder brother as he
finished his breakfast, which was comprised of bacon and eggs.

"Well...I...It's..." Jake stammered, caught by surprise, as he tried to
find something to say.

"He was with me," Keith smiled, "In fact, I was having a bad dream and Jake
came to comfort me. He must have fallen asleep. I'm really sorry."

"It's ok," the little boy said, "It's just that when I woke up, I was quite
scared. But Jake is very good at comforting people. When I used to have bad
dreams, he used to cradle me and kiss me on my head. Jake, did you kiss him
on his head too?"

"Oh...hmm, yeah, yeah!" Keith grinned as Jake blushed, "He kissed me."

"Owen, did you make your bed?" Jake asked to change the topic.

"No."

"Go and make it!" Jake said with a tinge of stern and on queue, the little
boy went upstairs.

"Oh, I'm still feeling quite shaken up after the night," Keith sighed, "So
where's my kiss?"

"Oh that?" Jake grinned, "Well, bad boys don't get kisses."

Knock Knock Both guys stiffened. They were used to just the three of them
in here. A fourth person wasn't an auspicious omen.

"Keith..." Jake said with his voice trembling in panic.

"Shh, I'll see who it is," Keith reassured him.

"What if it's someone from your camp? And Owen?" Jake hissed as he felt
sick from anxiety, "Where is he? What if they see him?"

"Calm down, Jake! I'm going to get him," He comforted his friend, "You
trust me right?"

Jake nodded.

"Stay here!" he said, as there was a second knock, "And get rid of the
additional plates!"

Jake took his and Owen's plates and put them in the last drawer. Meanwhile,
Keith returned with Owen. The small boy had heard the knock too; his scared
face told his brother that he realized the potential danger.

"Hide in this cupboard. Quick!" Keith hissed hurriedly as he pointed to a
medium cupboard. It was empty and big enough to accommodate the two
brothers.

Jake closed the door from inside and at the same time, heard Keith opening
the front door.

"Good morning, Sir," Keith's voice boomed. It was unlike the sweet one the
two brothers were used too. It was hard and rough.

"Good morning, Keith!" a voice unheard of before said, "I was thinking of
passing by and checking on how you were doing. I still don't understand why
you want to live alone. At the camp, there were so many facilities. If
there's any problem, you can tell me. Anyway, that's your decision." The
voice kept becoming louder. "Living alone is rather difficult. You must
have looked after yourself. Water for bath, the basic chores...and you made
your meal yourself?"

"Yes Sir!" Keith said, "My father said that we should never depend on
others, even if it is for cooking. It made him vulnerable. He thought it
was very easy to poison or weaken someone by tampering with his
food. That's why he saw to it that my brother and I learnt at least a
minimum number of dishes."

"George! That man will never cease to astonish me. Always two steps ahead
of others.  And it seems like he had transmitted his secrets to his
sons. You will go far, my son!"  The unknown voice said, "I have heard from
our sources that the war is almost lost!  We need to go back. The Allies
have started entering Germany and it's wise that we leave."

"We'll no longer be here?" Keith asked.

"No!" the other man said, "Many are returning. The Allies can come here
anytime."


* * *


"Is it necessary for you to go?" Jake asked.

"Yes. Everyone's going and it's no longer safe to be here," Keith said as
he packed the last of his items.

"Look, why don't you stay? I'll talk to the soldiers when they come. I'll
tell them how you saved Owen's and my lives."

"It's not so easy, Jake," Keith said as sadness filled his eyes, "this is
war and words rarely have meaning here."

"But..."

"Don't worry. Once the war is over, I'm coming back to France for you and
staying here forever. With you. And I got the address," Keith smiled as he
pointed at the piece of paper he kept in his pocket.

"I'll be waiting for you, Keith," Jake said as Keith went to the door. It
was hard to see him standing there, ready to go.

"I'll be waiting too," Owen said meekly and as an answer, he received a
smile and a kiss on the head.

"I love you, Jake," Keith whispered as he hugged his Jewish friend

"I love you too."


* * *


And the war ended. The soldiers returned to their home and Owen and Jake
returned to their restaurant and their parents. They heard that their
parents had disappeared one day and no one heard about them. Slowly, the
wounds of war started to heal.

But Jake's eyes were waiting for just one thing, or rather just one person-
Keith. He had given him the address and knew that he would be coming
soon. So he waited.  Days and nights. At the restaurant, standing and
looking at the road. But weeks were replaced by months and months gave in
to years.

Jake looked for Keith everywhere with the little he knew. But he found
nothing. But his hope never wavered. He knew he would come.


* * *


More than sixty years has passed but Jake still lives at the restaurant in
Paris. Often, a person called Owen, accompanied by his wife, came to see
him, telling him things he doesn't recall. And there are many other people
who say that they know him. But he doesn't.

But the one he remembers never came. Everyday, he waits for a glimpse of
that smile, those blond locks, and those blue eyes...



* * *


Hello, if you liked this story, please vote for it at the Reader's Choice
Awards 2007. The details can be found here:
http://www.gayauthors.org/forums/2007-Reader-s-Choce-Award-t17087.html

The deadline is 16 feb 2008!!!

If you're already a member of Gay Authors, you can email Myk
(myk@gayauthors.org ) voting for `The One He Loved by Ieshwar' under the
category Best Anthology. But if you have less than 5 posts or have just
registered, you must also include your Gay Author username as well as the
first letter/number/symbol of your password in your email to verify your
identity


If you're not a member but would like to vote, you can register here:
http://www.gayauthors.org/forums/register.html

I would appreciate this effort a lot.

You can send your comments at ieshwar_24@yahoo.com. And if possible,
mention of you have voted for it.

You can find all my other stories at there two places:

The Hub- http://ieshwar.hub-writing.org/

Gay Authors- http://www.gayauthors.org/efiction/viewuser.php?uid=3831


THANKS!!!!