Date: Fri, 28 Jun 2013 23:12:15 +0000
From: Jo Vincent <joad130@hotmail.com>
Subject: Tom Browning 60

			 Tom Browning's Schooldays

				    By

				   Joel

			       Chapter Sixty


After dinner we went upstairs to find our chests had been filled even more
while we had been absent.  Jabez had made sure nothing was left behind and
we had some of the sandalwood soap and packets of soft paper packed away as
well.  It would just remain that our nightshirts and the clothes we wore
this evening would have to be found a space.  We were too replete to do
anything more but strip and fall into bed.  We did kiss and hug but the
good god Morpheus intervened and we both slept soundly until awakened by
soft zephyrs.  Of course, it was Jabez who was making Mehmet laugh as he
blew his warm breath over our cheeks.

     "Are they not a pair of fine young creatures?" he said very quietly to
Mehmet as we woke.  "Take care, though, they do snap and snarl worse than
any mastiff if not woken gently."

     As I was now fully awake I tried an imitation of the stupid guard dog
at the Varley Arms.  Robin added a yelp or two which made the pair laugh
more.

     "Sirs," Mehmet addressed us, "I cannot control him.  He had said he
would roll you both from your bed but I restrained him."  He shook his
head.  "He does not behave as a good servant should."

     "Oh sirs," the impenitent rogue put on a whining tone, "I do my best
to please."  He changed his voice to make himself sound gruff as a sergeant
calling his troops to order.  "Rouse yourselves!  It is late and you laze
in bed.  Out! Out!"  He pulled the coverlet roughly from us.

     We roused ourselves and Jabez found himself rolled in the coverlet on
the floor and two fine young creatures belaboured him as Mehmet stood and
laughed even more than before.  "Sirs, do not harm him!" he said but bent
down and tugged at Jabez's left ear.  "He woke me that way this morning,"
he explained.

     "You were snoring loud enough to wake the dead!" Jabez riposted as he
wriggled under our now tickling fingers.  "I was minded to pinch your nose
but you would have spluttered and spat at me." He looked up at Mehmet and
smiled.  "And you have such delicate ears."

     We stopped our assault on his ribs and helped him up.  He was in
ordinary grey livery so no damage had been done to anything finer.  He
looked at Mehmet who had tried to help him, too, but we were quicker.  "You
are rightly puzzled when you say I do not know my place but I have teased
and tickled Master Tom and Master Robin since they were no more than
toddling infants.  Is that not so?"

     "Jabez, if we were to tell Mehmet all the things we have done together
we would be here all day," I said, "We could not be different, eh Robin?"

     "That is so, though some of the things he taught us would not be for
such delicate ears as Mehmet's."  He reached out and took hold of Mehmet's
right ear.  Mehmet stood stock still.  "I would agree, Jabez, they are most
delicate.  Soft as Mistress Carter's conies though she has them fattened
for eating."

     I thought of Branscombe's caressing of Jabez's buttock.  "Master
Branscombe has that same intention for Jabez.  I would be careful, Jabez,
if you see him with a knife and fork!"  Perhaps, after a fine sausage which
would fill anyone's mouth more than comfortably.  Those thoughts would have
to be suppressed as we would now have to strip our nightshirts off to wash.

     Jabez was now in charge.  They had brought in two pitchers of hot
water for us and Jabez said Mehmet should go and rouse the three youngsters
as Karem and Paolo would have taken their water in for them.  As Paolo was
needed to serve breakfast Karem would need help for the lads as they washed
and dressed.  Ordinary day clothes for the journey was the order.

     Visits to the water closet were needed first and once those
necessities were taken care of washing and dressing took no time.  Jabez
dressed our hair neatly and tied our locks as if we were dandies at the
Prince Regent's court so he said.  We forbore to ask where he had heard
such a description but agreed our hair would not get tousled on the
journey.  We both hugged him and said we would see him in the summer when
he came to Careby with the Wrights.  I slipped him two sovereigns which he
tried to give back but I said he should share them with Mehmet and Karem.
I also found a shilling which I said he should give to the boy William as
he had looked so smart in his new livery.  Jabez smiled and said he was so
pleased the lad had been taken on in the other household.  He then let out
a snippet of information.  We heard that if the romance blossomed then that
house would be a home for Rosamund and Geoffrey.  We were enjoined to say
nothing.  I knew I would not be able to say anything to George about his
brother!

     Two sturdy stableboys collected our chests and extra bags just we left
the room to go to breakfast.  It was Robin's turn to be benevolent.  Two
silver threepenny pieces were handed over to much bowing and thanks from
the lads who seemed not much older than us.

     All our entourage were ready to depart soon after eight o'clock after
a hearty breakfast attended also by my father and Lancelot.  Father was in
a jolly mood and chivvied the younger lads to make sure their bellies were
full as we would be travelling day and night to get to Careby before winter
came again!  I think that even Freddy gave a slight sneer at this.  Cedric
Branscombe was in the passageway outside Uncle Digby's study as we went
along to say our goodbyes.  Rosamund was there with her father and both
were looking at a copy of a newspaper.  Uncle Digby showed us the copy
which had a mention of the wedding with a list of all the guests.  We were
all amazed when we read our names printed there.  "I will get more copies
for you and send them on the coach tomorrow."  He held up the paper, folded
it and handed it to Freddy.  "You may keep that in case you leave Careby
before the other ones arrive."  He smiled at us. "There will be much talk
today, no doubt, especially by those not listed!"  As we came out Rosamund
gave me a letter asking me to give it to George Lascelles from his brother.
I looked at Uncle Digby and I was sure he closed one eye slightly.

     Mr Topping and Mr Purrett were outside making sure nothing was left
behind as we could see the coach being loaded through the open door.
Lancelot appeared all muffled up and carrying a bag and a box.  "We shall
be rather crowded," he announced, "and I forgot to add these to my chest."
He set them down and went to the study and I heard laughter as he and Uncle
Digby said their farewells.  It was then time to go.  Rosamund came along
the row and gave us all a parting kiss.  Even Lancelot, who kissed her back
and whispered 'All the best!' as they smiled at each other.

     We had the Westrup coach again which accommodated us all with no
difficulty though we had several of the extra bags inside with chests
strapped to the roof and the back.  Peters and Natty were on the box at the
front and one of the stableboys, Jemmy Trodd we learned, was a postillion
in case anyone took a fancy to the chests attached to the back.  My father
led the way on his mount as we left the mews behind the house and proceeded
up Charles Street to skirt round Berkley Square to go up to the crossroads
at Oxford Street and take the road which would lead to Barnet and beyond.

     We were uncommonly quiet on that first part of the journey.  There was
much to think about and also to see as we passed the many large houses and
then as we went on the road round Regent's Park to see newly built houses
which Lancelot said were called villas.  "London is expanding by the week,"
he said.  "There are plans for more houses reaching ever further out into
the surrounding villages.  The air is somewhat cleaner there and I wish
that Uncle Digby might be persuaded to have a house built say at Finchley
village or on Primrose Hill but he is adamant he does not want to live so
far away."

     "All being well your invention will ease his breathing," I said.

     "That is my hope," he patted me on the knee.  "I am so glad the way
was pointed towards Professor Bayes.  I have every confidence he will make
it all work.  He has taken my design for the device to produce the vapour
and his mechanic will construct it."  He smiled.  "He has promised a
demonstration at Apothecary's Hall and at University College.  We shall
have a patent for it, too."

     We talked on as the miles slipped by.  He said he had a number of new
receipts for medicines and would supply me especially with those to ease
summer stomachs.  I knew by this he meant those sudden urges to visit the
privy with a great looseness of the bowels.  I asked why these upsets
seemed to occur more in the summer than the winter.

     "I do not know," he said shaking his head, "It would seem there are
ailments which go by the season.  We have sneezing, running noses, coughs
and, worse, the plight we call pneumonia, which all appear in the winter.
In spring many still have running noses and sore eyes and then in summer
there is what our rude friends call 'the shits'!"  He laughed as he said
that.

     "Would that be the correct medical name for that condition?" I asked
which provoked more laughter.  "Are these not fleeting ailments, though?"
I was thinking of those I had heard of who coughed up blood and did not
last, or those who had lumps and pain and relied on laudanum to give them
some relief.

     "Tom, I would agree, most of these come and then go.  A warm room or
bed for winter and a dose of paregoric for coughs as well as for the runs.
That balm I recommend for a disordered stomach is most useful and a
somewhat agitated heart can be quietened with a tincture of digitalis."  He
shook his head again.  "There are many other maladies which can be seen and
are described after a death when an autopsy is made but we know not the
cause nor the cure."  He laughed.  "I have read of a Dr Young who said that
many physicians maintain there is but one disease and the best cure is
brandy."  He leaned towards me and shook his head as he said most
seriously, "I have had patients whose only relief has been copious draughts
of laudanum washed down with a beaker of brandy."

     "So am I making a wrong decision to be a physician?" I asked.

     "No, Tom, you are not," he said most emphatically.  "We learn new
things by the year, if not by the month.  Even since I began my studies
there are constantly newer ideas which make more sense.  You will find
there are many physicians who cling to what they learned twenty, thirty or
forty years ago and have never bothered to think what harm they might be
doing or whether they actually bring about a cure."

     Cedric must have overheard that and repeated what he had told me about
his grandfather being bled so much his father refused to allow himself to
be bled.

     "That is so," Lancelot said.  "I have not bled a patient for nigh on
five years but I do use my faithful friends to reduce bruising and
swelling."  Cedric looked puzzled until Lancelot did produce his glass
phial of two leeches from a pocket in his voluminous jacket.  "These are
leeches," he said then nudged me.  "I promise I did not have them in the
Cathedral."  He handed the phial to Cedric who looked at the almost
comatose creatures in the liquid.

     "I have heard of such things but have never seen them.  How are they
used?"

     Cedric was then given a most interesting discourse on the history and
the use of such useful creatures.  Lancelot soon had the rapt attention of
the other lads who all wanted to see his friends as he called them.  The
Goodhews and I knew that old Betty Parfitt collected his leeches for him
and we had seen numerous of the fresh wriggling creatures but he had never
told us such detail before.

     Cedric handed the phial back and directed his next question to me.
"Will you be equipped with a supply of these to remove bruises from those
hit by cricket balls?"

     I laughed and said I did not think so.  Lancelot said I would be
supplied with a good remedy for such things.  I knew he meant arnica.
Philip was full of questions about how one trained to be a physician and
Lancelot asked if he was undecided about being an artist.  He shook his
head.

     "I ask because that book of Leonardo's drawings show insides of people
and I wondered if they were true and would Tom have to find out."

     Lancelot nodded.  "I am sure they are true.  I have seen some of those
drawings and I have also seen inside both men and women and if you wish to
be a physician you must have that experience.  Yes, Tom will have to look
and find out."  He nudged me.  "Both Tom and Robin have seen me dissect a
number of different small animals and it is a marvel how alike we and they
are.  We all have a heart, lungs and a stomach and vessels to carry the
blood around."  He looked at Philip who was hanging on every word.  "It is
not much over two hundred years since Dr Harvey described how our blood
circulates and even then many did not believe him."

     "That is true over many things," Cedric said meditatively, "My father
has said that about the study of longitude.  His chronometer is his most
valued possession and never let him down when calculating a position which
he could not do if there was cloud."

     Again the boys were quiet and attentive as Cedric told them about the
battles John Harrison had with the Board of Longitude and the many now
quite stupid ideas men had put forward to determine a ship's whereabouts
before it was proved that a chronometer was the most constant and reliable
aid.  He said his father always roared with laughter describing one notion
about a 'powder of sympathy' which could heal at a distance.  A wounded dog
would be taken on board but its bandage was left ashore in Portsmouth, say,
where it was dipped in a solution of the powder at noon.  The dog on board
would sense this and yelp thus giving the captain of the vessel the time of
noon in Portsmouth to compare with the time of the place he had reached.
He could then determine the longitude.  Of course, it was a nonsense but
people believed it.

     Freddy was most astute.  "Sir," he said addressing Lancelot, "That is
the second matter I have heard about or seen while on this visit where
people are led into false beliefs.  That table and now this powder.  Are
there other things we should beware of?"

     Lancelot was very serious.  "History is full of false ideas.  I only
wish I knew what lumber I might be carrying in my mind which needs to be
cleared.  I have said about bleeding patients which in my opinion often
does more harm than good.  I read of new discoveries in the journal I take
called 'The Lancet' which describes them.  It is written for physicians by
mainly those in a position of authority in a hospital or an university but
I must still make judgements on those treatments which will do my patients
at least no harm."

     "Has it not been said that travel on these railways would be dangerous
because people will not be able to breathe if the engine goes too fast?"
asked Cedric.  "I have not travelled on one yet but should I beware of such
a calamity?"

     I said I had travelled a short way and the engine drove faster than a
horse-drawn carriage and I felt no distress.  Lancelot laughed.

     "I have taken the railway to Birmingham from London and felt no ill
effects," he said.  "There were two ladies who spent all four hours
clutching each other but at last said it was more comfortable than being in
a coach for a day and a half."

     "So that is a false belief as well," Freddy said.

     Lancelot said it would seem to be and he could foresee railways making
travel easier between many towns and cities.  He confirmed that within a
year or two a railway line would pass by Careby and link to a track to
London as well as to the north.

     "We live in a time of great invention," Cedric said, "My father says
there will be few sailing ships in years to come with more and more
steamships being built.  He has taken shares in two coal mines as he
recognizes there will be a great need of coal for all new enterprises
including the fuel for steamships."

     I remembered Rowley's fear.  With new means of travel then fewer
horses would be needed.  I wondered if my father had anticipated this.  But
then, in London where there were so many hackney cabs and the newer
horse-drawn omnibuses there would seem to be little to worry about.

     It was time for a stop for it was midday now as we saw on the church
clock of the village we were about to pass through.  My father banged on
the carriage door with his riding crop.  "All boys out!  There is an inn
ahead and the first one who enters buys me a tankard of ale!"

     We all looked at each other.  James laughed.  "As I am almost the
youngest I will go first and I have sufficient to buy Mr Browning even
their best ale."  I knew the three youngsters, as also Robin and I, had
been given several coins by my aunts and uncles 'to see us on our way' as
it was said.

     True to his word James led the way straight into the saloon bar and
caused the potboy to laugh when he demanded two tankards of his finest.
There was more laughter when my father entered and was presented with his
ale which he accepted and quaffed almost the pint in one great gulp.  "My
boy," he said, "That is the best ale since the last gallon passed down my
gullet."  He gave James one of his usual hefty pats on the back.  James
almost spilled his own tankard.  It was a most agreeable ale and we sat as
the innkeeper's wife bustled around and produced good cheese and bread
which soon disappeared down hungry boys' gullets as well.

     When back on the coach the ale had made most of us soporific so it was
not long before five were sleeping and swaying with the movement of the
vehicle leaving just Lancelot and me still awake though my own eyes were
heavy.  It was then I broached the subject which had bemused me even before
we had left Careby.

     I looked around and noted especially that Freddy was fast asleep.
"Lancelot, this is gossip but I must tell someone," I started.  He looked
at me and raised his eyebrows.  I suppose it was something new for me to
confess to tittle-tattle.  "It is about the dinner after the Hunt."

     He nodded.  "I was there for part of it but was called to a child in
Wood Street who had a fit I remember."  He realised I did not need to be
told about another patient.  "What is it?" he asked.

     "Do you recall Mr Gowring was accompanied by a lady?" I asked.

     He smiled.  "Mr Gowring is always accompanied by a lady.  As far as we
know there is no Mrs Gowring."

     "Do you remember what her name was?" I enquired trying to look
serious.

     He shrugged.  "It was a short name, Last, West...," he paused.
"...Yes, it was Mrs East.  Is that not right?  Why do you ask?"

     "That is what I remember," I said, "However, I have been told her name
is really Mrs Ingleby and not Mrs East."

     This amused him.  "I will not ask your source but I am not surprised,"
he said with a grin.  "Mr Gowring is renowned for appearing with another in
a succession of ladies at whatever function he may be attending. I went to
the Stamford Mayor's Ball with Mr and Jefferson last year and he was there
with someone who was not Mrs East."

     This was good gossip.  And if Lancelot was at the Ball was he with
Millicent Jefferson?  I waited.

     "Gowring is somewhat of an enigma.  He has good connections and has a
fine house just outside Stamford I know he spends much time in London.  He
resides when there at a gentlemen's club in Park Lane I have been told.
Torquil has dined there with other officers and has met him on several
occasions."  He laughed.  "No ladies are allowed.  I will say no more."

     I wondered what he meant.  I had no knowledge of gentlemen's clubs.  I
supposed I might ask Torquil but would not be seeing him for months now.

     Before he relapsed into silence Lancelot did say most teasingly "There
are gentlemen's clubs and there are gentlemen's clubs."  He put a different
emphasis on the word 'gentlemen' in both cases.

     I suppose we both dozed then until another stop was called.  It was
past three o'clock by now and my father said the horses needed to be
rested. There was a water trough by the road where they drank and stamped
and neighed as Rowley also gave them some oats as well. We were nearing St
Albans where my father said we would be staying the night at the Peahen.
In the morning we would retrieve our own original four where they had been
left on our journey down to London.  My father suggested that we should all
take a turn at being a coachman much to the amusement of Rowley and Natty.
I said I would be first while James piped up and said he would be the
second postillion at the back.  I had quite forgotten the lad who was
there.  He had been with the other two at the inn but they had been served
food and drink in the public bar so I had not had opportunity to speak with
him.  I thought it must be quite lonely perched at the back of the coach
but he would now have James as company.  No doubt all his life would be
delved into by inquisitive James!

     There was plenty of room on the box at the front and I was in command.
Rowley said it was about time I started to earn my keep which caused Natty
some discomfort.  I was used to Rowley who was friend as well as servant so
such seeming insolence was no bother to me.  I cracked the whip and we
trundled on.

     Much to Rowley's amusement I told Natty I was now his equal in that I,
too, had visited the British Museum.  It was interesting how much he had
retained from that previous time and it made me think I should look more
carefully at things.  He said he had talked to Mr Churcher, Uncle Digby's
head coachman, who was well-read and went to an evening meeting each week,
where a lecture would be given on all sorts of matters.  Natty wanted to
know if such meetings were held in Careby.  I said I did not know but it
was unlikely.  I would ask Dr Lancelot or Uncle Dodd.  Rowley then said he
had heard of such in Stamford but he thought it might be at a Dissenters'
Chapel there and he would be wary of attending such a place.

     That also set me thinking.  I had never really thought why there were
Dissenters.  We made jests about Zeb and his ranting and then there were
the two Praepostors in Ridley House, Frobisher and Porter, who now attended
a Chapel in Ashbourne.  I knew some Dissenters called themselves Baptists
and others were termed Congregationalists but I had not been curious enough
to enquire further.  Of course, Liam and his cousin were Roman Catholics
and I had seen black-clad men in Stamford who I had been told were Quakers.
Why all these differences?  When we came out of the jeweller's shop
Lancelot had said that he supposed the owner was Jewish as his name was
Levy and Mehmet had said on my previous visit that his family were Moslem.
All these thoughts would have to keep perhaps until I could raise such
matters in Mr Ridley's classes.

     An hour later and we were entering the London road almost into St
Albans.  Rowley was looking around and said the fields looked most fertile
and the crops were growing well.  He nudged me.  "I hear we are landed
gentry now," he said very quietly.  Truly, gossip travels fast!

     Although the Peahen was quite full of travellers we were assigned
comfortable rooms.  My father decided he and Lancelot would have separate
rooms and we six boys were allowed two rooms.  They were not large but as
we would only be sleeping there it would not matter.  One discomfort though
was that ours faced the main road called Holywell Hill and the trundling of
carts up the incline and the shouts of their drivers continued well after
we retired to bed.  Food for our meal was plentiful and Cedric said he was
pleased he had been allowed a glass of sack but though I had tasted a drop
or two of his portion I thought it too tart.  I had a glass tankard of best
ale which was dark and had a fine head so I was ready for bed and a good
night's rest.

     Cedric, Robin and I shared a bed again.  It was wide and left little
room to pass either side of it and we had to hunt for the chamber pots
which we found were in a hinged cupboard under the front of the bed.
Still, the water supplied was hot and plenteous so we were clean to bed.  I
was placed in the middle by the vote of Robin and Cedric who said I was not
to fidget and disturb them.  I do not think I moved an inch as I was soon
asleep having decided the carts were fewer after the eleven o'clock bell
tolled.

     I must have turned in the night as when I woke in the morning I was
face to face with Cedric who was holding me tight to him though he still
slumbered.  Robin was behind me and had an arm over me, too, and was
pressing a stiffness into me which I could feel through the two layers of
nightshirt.  When I moved away a little it meant I was confronted by an
even larger and harder rod which more than matched mine as I was in my
usual state of morning arousal.  I winced.  There was no relief to be had
as there was no water closet in the room and I could not seek release by my
usual way. It was then my breath began to deepen as I realised I was near
to spurting.  Before waking Cedric's movements against me must have made me
reach that point of sudden release.  Without further thought from me my
hips bucked and I breathed in even deeper with my juices squirting most
copiously.  I was quite aware that the same was happening to Cedric.  He
gave a low moan and our thighs crashed together and he held me even
tighter.  All these movements were echoed by the body behind me.  There was
a sharp intake of breath and Robin thrust forward.

     Robin woke and a throaty whisper of 'Oh, shit!' sounded just by my ear
as his head was resting on my shoulder.  Cedric was now awake.  His
realisation of what had happened was immediate.  Both of us were still
moving fitfully as our individual tensions reduced.

     "Two at once!" he whispered and then sniggered.

     Robin's hand dropped down between Cedric and me.  He must have felt
the dampness.  Another snigger as he added, "Three!".

     There was no shame between us after that as we laughed and embraced
each other pressing unclean nightshirts together until we divested
ourselves of those cumbersome garments and tumbled together naked and
merry.

     Cedric slapped us playfully as we rolled around.  "This is not a
pastime for Ashbourne I fear," he said as his now softened peg drooped over
my hip and I clutched at Robin's still rather rampant tool.  We had then to
desist from anything further as there was a clatter outside the door.  We
hurriedly pulled the coverlet up over us again as a knock on the door
heralded the arrival of hot water for our morning ablutions.  Two grinning
boys entered on our command.  Each had a large pitcher of hot water.

     A window was quickly opened and the cold water from the night before
was poured out.  "That should get the old bugger a wet head!" the taller of
the boys said on setting his empty bowl down and closing the window.  "'Tis
an old ranter who takes a piss against our wall for he abhors the good ale
we sell."

     Robin sat up in the bed.  "He pisseth against his own hurt would you
not say?"

     The lad laughed.  "Sir, I have read that and it is so I would agree.
That water will wash him and his deeds away."

     We had to laugh and Cedric was most amused.  "You are well-read, young
sir.  I have seen that text but never heard it preached on."

     The lad clapped his hands.  "I would be afeared to tell the reverend
that he should."

     On further questioning we found they were the sons of the inn-keeper's
sister and attended the school held in the abbey church.  Both were
well-spoken and did not have a great deal of the burr of the stable-lads we
had left our horses with the night before.

     "That water will be cool if we stand a-talking," the shorter and
younger one said.  "Are those three brothers of yourn in the other room?"

     "Two are my brothers," Robin said.  "Give them a sprinkle of water
from us if they are not awake."

     "And those gennelmen in t'other rooms. Are they kin?" the elder
questioned.

     "My father and my cousin," I said grinning at the inquisitive pair.
"Take care as I am sure my father takes his riding crop to bed in case
robbers attack in the night."

     "Then he would sleep through from the snores we could hear," the young
one said.

     "John, do not say that!  Sirs, we have a good watchman who sits on the
stairs all night and two fierce dogs above the cellar door," the other
assured us after reproving his brother.

     They bade us good morning and left after Robin had promised them a
coin when we saw them below.

     It was time for us to rise, but not in the sense of happenings
earlier.  I rooted around in my night bag and found a better soap than even
the quite reasonable specimen from that supplied the night before.  We
soaped ourselves and washed away all evidence of our morning's wantonness
with Cedric whistling a merry tune.

     We bundled our nightshirts into our bags and Robin said it was not he
first time he had dampened his when younger.  Cedric laughed and said it
was certainly now not true since he had been at Ashbourne.  Robin said
nothing but screwed his nose up in response to that.  I wondered if the
incident would be relayed to Maitland?

     The nearby clock struck seven and we made our way downstairs as my
father had instructed us the night before that we must be off by eight
o'clock.  We filled up on boiled bacon, bread and hot posset before we
mounted the coach with Robin now as assistant coachman and Freddy as a
second postillion.  Robin was good to his word and our servers and water
boys had a penny apiece.

     All had been in good humour at breakfast with my father asking if our
London fleas had met the St Albans fleas and were biting each other rather
than us.  Philip said he had found one but he thought it might be a
Frenchie as it had leapt away before he could crush it.  It was this that
the three had been giggling about as they appeared for breakfast.  Freddy
had told them the night before about being searched for hoppers so the
Goodhews had repeated this until Freddy was exhausted from laughing at the
tickling and all had fallen asleep most quickly.

     Lancelot said he would hire a mount and ride along with my father.  I
thought he might have tired of boys' company but spying on the pair through
the coach window I could see they were discussing some weighty problem
though my father was laughing at times.  Our journey in any case was slow
as there were many carts and conveyances in both directions.  Time passed
for we heard from James that he had found out all about the lad who was
riding postillion.  Jemmy Trodd was a ploughman's son from the same village
in Essex that Mr Churcher came from.  His desire was to join the military
when he was old enough being fifteen now.  He had been inspected by my
brother Terence and found to be sturdy and was quite adept with draught
horses having helped with ploughing.  However he had not ridden much so was
being sent to Careby to be schooled along with the new colts as James said
with a grin.  If he proved himself he would be enlisted as a trooper in my
brother's company.

     Cedric was most amused at this.  "I suppose if I cannot be a
midshipman I might be a Cornet of Horse."

     Philip had sized Cedric up.  "I doubt it Master Branscombe," the young
rogue said.  "I think from the noise you make you would be Her Majesty's
Privy Trumpeter!"

     Cedric roared and lurched forward and grabbed Philip.  "And I will
make you the Bum Bass" he said as he gave the lad three smacks to that
portion of his anatomy.

     Our journey was thereafter punctuated by attempts at more and more
outlandish plays on words.  James decided if Branscombe could not decide on
his way in life he could be a huntsman with his Horns on a dilemma.  Cedric
was not beaten.  "I might then Fiddle along on what my father might allow
me as a pittance."

     After Philip suggested if he was still minded to be an officer he
might be a Drum major I said nothing would come of it for we couldn't keep
Harping on all the way to Careby.  I was booed heartily.

     My father was getting weary of the slow progress.  After stopping for
a bite to eat at midday he said we would not be arriving at Careby until
the next day so we would find another comfortable inn for the night.  I was
second postillion for the afternoon and found Jemmy to be another
well-brought up country lad.  He related that crops had been poor the last
year or so and that had decided him he did not want to remain and be a
burden on his parents for wages were low if work was scarce.  Again the
railway was a topic, for the farm his father worked on was to be cut almost
in two with a further line as far as Ipswich.  The landowner was pocketing
a fair sum, the lad said, but fewer acres of farmland meant fewer
opportunities for work.  I enquired whether there were positions associated
with the workings of the railway.  He said he did not know but had heard
there would be gatekeepers needed to make sure cattle did not stray onto
the rails and men in boxes with signals who allowed trains to proceed.

     We were weary of travelling when my father called a halt nigh on six
o'clock.  I never found the name of the village but the inn was more than
adequate.  That is, except we did collect more than a fair share of fleas.
Luckily, Lancelot was well-prepared and each of us received a coating of
pennyroyal before climbing into our beds.  Again there was ample room so
Robin, Cedric and I shared with the others apportioned as before.  Several
rude remarks were made between we three as our now dry nightshirts were
donned.  There was no repeat of the previous day's events for we were woken
soon after six o'clock in the morning as my father had decreed we must make
an early start.

     At breakfast the landlady was not at all concerned when James showed
her that he had a line of flea bites on the calf of his leg.  "They are not
ours," she said with a laugh, "If they were you would have lost half your
leg!"  She gave him extra bacon as recompense.  We all got a second helping
even though the rest had fewer battle scars to show!

     I borrowed Lancelot's mount for this last part of our journey as he
said he had not slept well.  I noted he had two swigs of one of his
remedies at breakfast. "I am somewhat disordered," he declared as he had
the second draught.

     My father was not too consoling.  "I told him not to have that extra
helping of fig pudding.  Loosens one's insides I always find and I did not
partake of it," he said as I rode up beside him.  I had noted that Lancelot
was the only one to have that comestible as we others had all chosen a good
plum duff and had followed that with a piece of treacle tart slathered in
fresh cream.

     Father was in a good mood himself though he did grumble that we had
not travelled further the day before.  "We will be at Careby by midday if
we can keep this pace."  I then remarked I was looking forward to being
home if only for one night.  He nodded.  "You have enjoyed yourself in
London, eh?"  I said that it had been most enjoyable and most memorable and
I was pleased about Philip and Freddy.  "We will make sure all things come
right for them."  We rode some way on with the coach making good headway
behind us.  "Lancelot tells me he has plans for a journey to France.  He
asked if I would give permission for you to go with him."

     I realised this must be about returning the head.  Was returning the
correct word?  I surmised that the body of the Duc was lost.  Would I be
prepared to venture so far from home?  I thought of all the travels my
uncles had made and even Lancelot had studied in Paris.

     "If Lancelot wants me to accompany him I would willingly go," I
responded most bravely.

     "You know why?"

     I said I did which made him laugh as I said Robin had felt faint when
he saw the head in its jar.

     "I am not surprised.  The rogue told me about it when he returned once
from Cambridge and I was curious.  I admit I have seen a few dead 'uns but
not a bit of one like that!"

     "Would Robin be able to accompany us?" I enquired carefully.

     "That is something for him to decide after Lancelot speaks with his
parents.  You want him with you?"

     I said he would be my choice of companion for such an adventure.  I
asked how things might be arranged but all my father said it would rest
with Lancelot who had a good friend in Paris.  I thought then that the
Johnson twins might also be able to help.  From further discussion with
them I had learned that their father, based in Calais, had extensive
connections mainly with the wine and cheese trade as he imported these
goods into England.  On this visit to London I had told Uncle Digby of
their address in Calais since he bought quantities of wine and spirits
direct from France.  He said he would enquire though he felt he knew the
name Johnson.  When he smiled as he said that I surmised he knew the name
of Johnson very well!

     I had no chance to talk with Lancelot before we reached Careby.  This
we did just at eleven o'clock as the horses must have sensed they were
nearing home and could hardly be constrained from trying to break into a
trot which would have unsettled the coach as well as its occupants!

     We joined the High Street which meant we would be passing close to the
Goodhew home.  The Goodhews were eager to see their parents so all us boys,
including Cedric and Freddy, disembarked from our man-o-war, as Cedric had
christened it when he had first seen it in all its full glory.  My father
said he would arrange for baggage to be brought for the two young ruffians
who bowed low and thanked him most graciously for all that had happened.
Lancelot remained on the coach and said he would soon recover.

     We knew that good news would have already reached the family for Aunt
Fanny had put letters in the mail on Friday evening after Philip had met Mr
Eastlake at the National Gallery and had been accepted for the Royal
Schools.  The fast mail would have reached them at least by yesterday
morning if not before.

     What a reception!  There were smiles, tears, laughter and a libation
of a hot posset for all as we toasted not only Philip's good fortune but
Freddy's too.  Of course, time had to be found to tell of the wedding and
how they had been active participants.  Cedric and I left Robin and Freddy
who said they would return to the Hall when the baggage had been delivered.
We both clambered onto my steed which seemed quite used to having more than
one rider.  I let Cedric have the saddle while I rode bareback behind him
holding on to his cloak.  It was now past midday and we were both hungry
but had first to have the usual piss.  Benjy was standing by the side door
when we left the mount with the waiting stable lad.

     "Welcome home, sirs," he said.  He saw I was twitching with the need
for a privy.  "All is prepared."  He lead the way as we followed most
quickly along the passageway and up the staircase.  He flung open the
bedroom door.  Cedric pushed me forward.  I was to perform the opening
ceremony.  I pissed loud and long and buttoned myself.  I called to Cedric
to add his contribution and waited outside the open door while he did so.
I joined him when he finished.  Benjy pointed to a lever as we had seen and
used at Charles Street.  I pulled the lever and water cascaded into the
pan.

     I looked at Cedric who was grinning.  "We have christened the pan," I
said, "Like one of your ships!"

     ""And blessings to all those who..." He paused.  "...shit in her!"

     Three boys howled.


To be continued:

p.s.  Please consider making a donation to keep the Nifty site running.
Details are given on the Nifty Home Page.  Thanks Jo.