Date: Mon, 13 Jun 2011 18:57:31 -0700 (PDT)
From: jim ford <sojourn1950@yahoo.com>
Subject: Unclaimed Hearts chapter 4

This story is fiction. The characters are adults in adult
situations. Warnings: The only person you can ever hope to truly know is
yourself. Trust no one; use condoms. If you are not of legal age or in a
jurisdiction in which this document is illegal, go way. This is my
story. Please respect the copyright. Sojourn1950@yahoo.com

Note: at the end of this chapter is a section of dialog that reveals the
person to whom Josh is telling this story. I offer this to reduce any
confusion. There should be hash marks indication that shift from story
telling to conversation. Sorry for any confusion.


This time we were humping each other. When our efforts synced and our cocks
aligned it was a pell mell rush to the finish. His was frantic.. rapid fire
humps. Mine was more a state of paralysis while my body was racked by
paroxysmal eruptions.

We were spent... and yet we clung to each other. Our heads were on the
other's shoulder. We gasped and heaved for breath. We clung as if life
itself might slip away. I felt the cooling ejaculate sliding down the
inside of my thigh. Still I held on. The silence, at first necessitated by
the need for oxygen became an uncomfortable presence. Awkwardly we released
each other. Along with the change in the silence came a shift in our
embrace... Now, it was a matter of not knowing how to... let go.

I released my hold on his ass. I pushed myself away from him. Our eyes
immediately began searching each other's faces.  I didn't know what to do
and the searching just seemed to go on and on... It was absurd really. I
mean what were we looking for? What was there we didn't already know? There
I was with cum running to my knee probably leaving a wet trail on my jeans
and I was searching his face for approval?... rejection?... What? The more
I thought about it the more ridiculous it seemed. What we had just done
involved two grown men. Yet we were both acting like teenagers, with all
the self-doubt and insecurities... How ridiculous. At least, looking back
that is how I explained laughing... I couldn't help it... I am not sure
Bill saw it the same way. He seemed shocked and hurt. I reached out and
gently touched his face. I pulled him in a kissed him, just a little
one. More like a smack on the lips. I never stopped laughing. Guess it like
that book by Heinlein, you laugh when you can't do anything else. That
smack got him to relax and open up to the laughter. His was not the almost
insane, teary eyed, gut busting laugh like mine. But he finally understood
and joined in. "Rejection? Disapproval?" How fucked-up can two men be? They
just shared the most intimate act, that gave them an earth shattering
climax... and they want to... expect to...  be rejected by the one they
shared it with. It was too absurd. He got it and he laughed. I didn't have
to explain anything. He got it.

Finally with a modicum of composure I wiped my eyes and looked around for
my beer. I found it lying on its side just under the rocker Bill had
previously occupied. I retrieved in and sat in the rocker. I wasn't
exhausted but I damn sure wasn't fit to be chasing and tackling Bill should
he decide to leave. Not at that moment.


 I watched as Bill turned his back and stripped out of his jeans. He
inspected them to see if cum had soaked through. He mumbled some cuss words
and dropped them on the porch. He then removed his boxers and with his back
still turned he began to mop up his crotch. Again I noticed the "X" on his
check and I wondered if it meant that treasure lay buried there. That
thought was suddenly intriguing.

I was pulled from my reverie by Bill heading for the door with his clothes
in hand, shielding his manhood from my view. "I got to get a shower."

In a fraction of a second my mood was changed. Bill felt dirty, somehow
soiled by what we had done...

I thought about how I felt? I suppose the fact that I had to ask myself was
a fair indication. I had enjoyed what we did. I would in fact do it
again... given a chance. To me what we had done was just an extension of my
attraction to Bill. I didn't think of myself as being queer. I was just
having fun. If it was with another man... it was still fun. Perhaps the
best sex I have ever had. How could anyone regard it as dirty? I don't
think I would do it with any other man, but Bill was not just another
man. He was the only man I had ever really liked since I first thought of
myself as a man.

It began to bother me that Bill felt bad in any way about what we had just
done. He hadn't done anything, to me, that I didn't want or didn't let
happen. I was taller and stronger than he. I got up and padded to the
master bath. He was the only man I could
imagine... kissing... holding... humping. I figured I had best let him
know.

Bill was already in the stand alone shower. The steam rose around him. He
stood hands against the wall with his head down. The shower spray splashed
against his broad shoulders. Through the glass and the mist he appeared
more as a shadow than a man. I almost called his name when I heard him
sob. I didn't wait. I silently let my jeans and boxers drop to the
floor. When I slid back the door he jumped and moved to get out. I blocked
his exit. I wrapped my arm around his waist and with my left hand slid the
door closed behind me. I took him in my arms. At first he resisted. I was
softly whispering things... things even I am not sure what they were. I
felt the tension leave his body. He melted into my arms, his head rested on
my shoulder and he began to cry. It wasn't a little boy cry over a skinned
knee, this was totally different. As if he had held that pain for years. As
if his world had crumbled so long ago and only now he could find a time and
place to mourn it's passing. Eventually the tears and sobs subsided. Still,
I held him. It was until the all the warmth of the water surrendered to the
cold that I released my hold on Bill. I turned into the frigid stream only
long enough to rinse away the cum. When I turned off the water and came out
of the shower Bill, himself still dripping, was there with a towel for
me. My casual thanks garnered me a much more intense and sincere version.
I was relieved to see Bill's expression was calm and almost
untroubled. "Ok, Chef William Weekly, what can you do about lunch? Great
sex always makes me hungry."

His shock slipped into a warm smile... not the crinkly kind but still a
warm, sincere smile. He didn't say anything. Instead he stood watching me
as I dried. He only half heartedly applied his own towel. When I moved to
the bedroom and extracted a pair of boxers he hurriedly finished drying
himself. As he came into the bedroom I tossed him a pair of boxers. The
fucker looked at me doubtfully as he stepped into them. I could see the
surprise in his eyes when the waist band actually gripped his waist instead
of falling to the floor. I chuckled. he blushed.

I watched him closely as I asked, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, not great, but alright. You`re hungry huh? I guess I could serve up
some cold S.O.S."

"Even I could do better than that. I really don't care as long as it is
quick. I`m about ready to start chewing on the south end of a north bound
horse."

Bill headed to the kitchen in just his boxers. I started to pull fresh
jeans from the closet and thought... why bother? I headed out to the porch
to reclaim the empties. Even as I was gathering up the bottles, I began to
think about what had happened less than... an hour ago? I was shocked when
I realized I had known this man who... who... kissed me and let me hump
him, for less than twenty-four hours.

I stood there with four empty beer bottles in my hand thinking, except for
those bottles, I could have been hallucinating. Perhaps the isolation got
to me like a man lost in the desert may see a green oasis where there's
only sand. I didn't really think Bill was a hallucination... I walked to
the truck to retrieve his duffle bag. I was a little relieved when the
O.D. green came into view. I needed Bill to be real. I dropped the bag
beside his bed and took the empties to the trash can in the kitchen. The
aroma that greeted me reminded how hungry I was. I asked what smelled so
good.

"Take a seat and I'll have it to you in just a minute." The table had been
set and a glass of iced tea was waiting for me. I took a sip. It was sweet
but just enough to take the edge off. I liked it. I waited... almost
patiently. Eventually, Bill served me half an omelet that covered half the
plate. I unfolded the cut edge and saw ham, gooey cheese, mushrooms, onions
and what I thought were fresh tomatoes. When I asked about the tomatoes
Bill confessed to draining canned tomatoes and reserving the liquid and the
rest for future use. After about three bites I was convinced. This man was
a great cook.

Conversation was light and it focused on Bill's cooking. We both knew there
was an elephant in the room. We ignored that, knowing full well we would
have to deal with it shortly.

In spite of the size, I finished my part of the omelet. Bill had eaten some
of his. Mostly he had cut it into pieces and moved it around his plate so
it looked like he had eaten more than a little. I took my plate to the
sink. I brought the tea pitcher to the table and refilled both glasses.

"Bill, we need to talk. You can quit pretending to eat and bring your tea
to the porch." I walked from the kitchen. Only when I was in the hall did I
look back to make sure he was following.

Once on the porch, I indicated he should take the rocker we had each sat in
previously. I dragged another so its back was to the yard and I could sit
facing Bill. We were touching close.

Since the talk was my idea, I said, "Bill, I've got to tell you about my
rage. I wasn't always like this. I never had a problem with my temper. I
got mad, like most guys do. I got into fights at school, but never started
one. In the army I got along with most guys... some I liked more than
others. But, I never had a fight with anyone. In my senior year of college
I was dating a girl, a freshman. We had been dating for most of that
year. It was pretty serious. We had sex, but never without using a
rubber. The week of finals she told me she was pregnant and I was the
father. I felt a lot of different emotions. Somewhere in the back of my
mind I felt something was wrong. When I didn't say anything right away she
got angry. She accused me of destroying her life, her purity. I thought her
choice of words was strange since we had both admitted to having had sex
before. In fact she had sex with her last boyfriend even after we started
having sex. She didn't know I knew that... The sex was good and I wasn't
about to spoil a good thing. But, being a father to her baby still didn't
sit right... I knew I never went in her or even got my... well it never got
near her until it was sheathed."

"When I didn't commit to "doing the right thing" she got furious. When I
asked if she was sure it was mine, she went nuts. I told her I knew that
she'd had sex with at least twice with one other guy, after we started
having sex. She slapped my face and said I was calling her a whore and
stormed off."

"Later that night I was drinking, a lot. Her twin brother was on the
football team. He and a buddy found me and he started in raising hell about
how I was going to "do the right thing" by his sister or he was going to
kick my ass. I turned back to the bar and he punched me right against my
ear as I was taking a drink of my beer. I don't remember what happened
after that. Those two wound up in the hospital. I got a broken hand and a
busted lip out of the deal. There were enough witnesses including the
bartender so I didn't get arrested."

"The next day the girl came to my dorm room and crying and cussing me to
high heaven. She said that she had thought I would have made a good husband
but obviously she was wrong... She knew I was "an animal" and unfit company
for civilized people. Her brother was a good guy and I had beaten him
senseless. She went on and on. I was feeling pretty bad when she described
his injuries. She let me know I almost killed him. His friend fared only
slightly better. I couldn't remember anything so all I could do was listen.
So all I could do was listen. She told me she never wanted to see or hear
from me again and if I got anywhere near her brother she would have me
arrested. When I asked about the baby, she told me there never was a
baby. She also said that I should be neutered so I couldn't sire any more
animals like me."

I took everything she said to heart. I mean I had almost killed those guys
and didn't remember anything. I kept a low profile and finished my
finals. I already had a job lined up as a teacher and was all set to
move. I was hoping that this didn't get stirred around and cause me to lose
my first job as a teacher.

I got a call the day before clearing campus. My dad had fallen in the barn
and broken his leg. I went home and realized that I was needed there. I
contacted the school and let them know I couldn't accept the position. I've
been here ever since. I dated a couple of the girls I had dated back in
high school who hadn't yet married. When it started getting serious I broke
it off. I knew I didn't trust women and I didn't trust myself. I couldn't
get over the fact that they lie and I am an animal.  Only contact I allowed
myself was the kind I paid for, over in Dayton."

"Bill, I told you I couldn't stand you lying to me and you saw how I was
this morning... Buddy, when I saw you like that, I wanted to hold you and
comfort you. It tore at my guts to see you hurting so badly and know that
my touch was the reason for you pain. When I asked you and you didn't
answer... I lost control. The rage seemed better than the god awful
emptiness I felt. That's when I became the animal she had told me I was. I
figured you left because you saw how dangerous I can be. I came after you
so I could see you weren't hurt. Now, you know why I live alone and why I
avoid people."

Bill did something then that let me now he was a friend. He took my hand in
his. He didn't say anything for a long time... just held my hand.

"Josh, did you visit those guys in the hospital? Did you see them around
campus?"

"No, it was a large crowded campus. Those two guys ran with the jocks. I
only met her brother twice in the time I we were dating. I didn't want to
see either of those two guys. I felt bad enough just listening to her
describe their injuries."

"Did you ever go back to the bar, after that night?"

"No." I exhaled a heavy sigh. Telling Bill all of that had been
exhausting. "No, like I said, I kept a low profile. It seemed to me that
everywhere I went people knew what I had done."

"Did it ever occur to you that the woman who lied about being pregnant
might have lied about the injuries those two were supposed to have
suffered?"

"No, tell you the truth I was just relieved she wasn't pregnant. It wasn't
until sometime later when I realized what I had done that it really
starting weighing on me. That night in the bar, when I came to I asked what
happened. The bartender told me I had been jumped by two guys. I asked what
happened to them and he told me not to worry that had been hauled out of
the bar and were being taken care of. I headed back to campus and went to
the clinic because my hand hurt. I asked if anyone else had come in injured
but they told me if it was anything serious they were probably taken
downtown to a real hospital." When she told me what I had done... it all
seemed to fit."

Bill seemed really interested. He asked, "Did the bartender say those guys
were taken away in an ambulance?"

I told him, "Not really, but I got the impression they were in bad shape."

"You didn't black out today, when you were in a rage, did you?"

I really didn't want to do than... warn him about my rage. I really didn't
want to disturb those feelings. "No, I was as angry as I have ever
been. Anything was better than the way I was feeling. But, no I didn't
black out."

Bill could see I was uncomfortable and he squeezed my hand. "When I told
you about that soldier I beat up in Germany, did you think I had a rage
like yours?"

I was quick to reassure him, "No, not at all. What you did made sense, if
beating a fellow can ever really make sense. You were hurt, angry and
worried. He just triggered all that emotion. No Bill, you're not like me."

He looked me hard in the eye, "Well, I must be. You were hurt, angry and
worried... Weren't you?"

For the first time since I started talking about my rage, I wanted to know
if he saw me as... as... as an animal.  In those blue eyes I saw nothing
but real compassion and concern for me. I figure he was just not seeing
things clearly, where I... we were concerned. "Bill, of course I was
feeling all of that... it's not the same."

"Look Josh, you're a nice guy. There have been several times when you could
have become angry and kicked my ass. I embarrassed and argued enough to
push you over the edge. This morning was the straw that broke the camel's
back. Even then you didn't even try to hit me or hurt me. You moved out
around me to grab that chair. All your hurt and anger went into destroying
that chair. If you look at what we been through, so far, there is a lot of
shit there. This could fill volumes. It's no wonder you lost it this
morning. Any man in his right mind might have done the same. You know that,
don't you?"

"Yeah, that may be so. Still that doesn't excuse what happened in
college. I can't mix with people. I... I can't be trusted not to hurt
someone. I'm sure I'd wind up in prison if I got into that kind of
situation again. Next time I might not stop at just hurting someone."

"Ok, well let's just say I been warned. I know what you're telling me and I
am willing to take my chances. Fair enough?"

"Ok Bill, fair enough".

Bill's look became more serious. His eyes made tiny movements as they
searched my face. He said, "Josh, tell my about how you feel about what we
did. Do you still want me to stay? After what I said to you, after what we
did? Aren't you afraid I might make you queer?"

By now my tea was empty. I took both glasses and stood up. "Look Bill, I
ain't use to talking so much. If you want to hear about all this, I'm gonna
need another beer."  I moved to the door. "I've yet to finish the first
one. If you can keep your distance, I might just make it this time." I
smiled and was repaid by the crinkled smile that just warmed me all over.

When I returned, Bill was rocking gently, staring off into the distance. I
touched the cold bottle to his naked thigh and he about jumped out of his
skin. "Sorry, I was trying to figure something out about what you told me."

"Something I need to hear?"

"No, not yet... it's not important. Josh, I need to know how you feel about
what we did... and I don't mean... buying groceries, or how good a cook I
am."

"Look Bill, we don't have to pussyfoot around what we did. We kissed and
dry humped each other until we shot off in our pants. That kind of reminded
me of high school. I dated this girl who would let me play with her titties
and dry hump her until I came. I couldn't take it out. I got to where I
would wear two pair of jockey shorts when we went on a date. Bill, we ain't
teenagers and you definitely are not a girl. You are a handsome, virile,
masculine, man's man. What we did was more fun than playing with that
girl's titties has ever been. What we did was probably the most intense
single experience I have ever had. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I don't
know what queers do together, but if that's a sample, sign me up. Consider
me drafted... I'll join your ranks. There is one thing though..." I could
see my words crush the smile on his face. "I can't ever see me doing
anything like that or anything else queer with no man but you. That's how I
feel about what we did. Now, Mr. Weekly, as in Life magazine... how about
you? How do you feel?"

Bill took a long draw on his beer. He looked me up and down for a long
moment. His look made me think he was hungry `cause he licked his
lips. Finally, he looked me in the eye and said, "Mr. Tibbits, until I met
you I was trying hard to forget I had ever had any kind of sex with a
man. When I met you, sex was the furthest thing from my mind. I told you
already, that changed. You didn't even touch me and that changed. When I
kissed you that first time this morning, it was the greatest thing I ever
felt. I didn't cum, but it was better than cumming. I can't really explain
it. Then the second time... that was the most explosive sex I have ever
had. It's almost scary, when I realized we still had our pants on. I can't
help but wonder what it would be like if we were naked in bed."

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////


Well, Joe, I never got to finish that beer either... It was about a month
later Bill convinced me we had to track down what really happened that
night I blacked out. Turns out the bartender was the bar owner and he
remembered what happened. See, I had been pretty much a regular since my
freshman year. He tells us I got knocked out after landing a couple of
punches. After I went down he and a couple of buddies came to my
rescue. They opened up a can of whop ass on those two and threw them out of
the bar. My hand must have been broke by someone stepping on it. I told him
what she had said about me doing so much damage.

The bartender kind of looked down at the floor and said, "I know you never
were like ninety-five percent of college kids. You had army time and maybe
that made you a little more settled. Those shitheads had been in here
before and busted up some stuff. They were "football" jocks so nobody said
shit about paying for the damages.  So, when they came in that night, I
remembered them. I gave the high sign and we just waited. Sure enough, they
started some shit. Only this time we were ready. I'm just sorry you got
hurt before we could get them taken care of. If they wound up with more
than bruises... it doesn't bother me in the least. They might have told the
girl you did the damage. I don't know. I never talked to her about you or
any of that mess. She came in here looking for a job. She had been in here
a lot of times with you and she seemed like a nice girl in trouble. Seems
her family disowned her. She worked here until the baby came. After that we
lost touch. Bars and babies just don't mix. I knew the two of you had dated
but I never thought you were the father. You ain't the leaving kind.
Still, she did say that the daddy didn't know he had a kid. He did know she
had a boy."

The whole story was so fucked up from what I had believed all these
years. I would have collapsed in a corner drunk like a fish except I had
was pretty sure, I had a son. At least I wanted to find out if he was
mine. I was sure hoping.

With him making a couple of phone calls we tracked her down. The moment I
laid eyes on him I knew he was my son. I felt like shit all over again.
Here she was struggling, trying to raise our son. She was tough, I got to
hand her that. We talked about our time together and about our son. She
listened to my side of the story. A phone call to Max, the bar tender, and
she was convinced I was not a homicidal maniac.

While she was making the phone call, Bill and I had a talk. He was
convinced that I should get back together with her for the sake of my
son. He would head on out to Kansas and we could keep in touch. I don't
remember what I said but it had something to do with dragging his ass back
across state lines, hog tied and gagged in the back of a pick-up truck. I
explained that the best she and I could ever be was circumstantial
acquaintances, maybe friends. We agreed that she and my son could live with
us. If not, I could help them financially and be a part of my son's life. I
talked her...  alright Bill talked her into coming out here and staying
with us.

She got into a bad wreck in town about a year after they came to live with
us. She never regained consciousness. She had given the baby my last
name... so keeping Jeremy was never a question.


"You'll meet Jeremy when he gets in from school. I'm really proud of my
son... our son. He calls me Daddy and Bill is PaPa. A couple of months back
he came home and asked if it was true that most kids don't have two
fathers. Seems his best friend felt sorry for him `cause two fathers had to
mean twice the whippings."

"Before too long we'll put some steaks on the grill for supper. I'm
learning to cook, but Bill doesn't quite trust me alone in the
kitchen... Hell, I don't know why, it really was such a small fire."

"So you are the guy that got the brunt of Bill's first heartbreak. Joe, I
know about the letter of apology. He told you about meeting me. He's been
looking forward to seeing you again. I know he wants to apologize again."

"You say your friend got tied up with his family in Cleveland. Oh, he is
telling them about you. I see. Your letter, letting us know ya'll were
coming left a lot unsaid. Now, I can see why. Now I've told you how we come
to be together... seems you got a story you might want to tell us."

Dobie, our five year old SPCA mutt was excitedly announcing the arrival of
either Bill or Jeremy. "She's my excuse for having bought a hundred pounds
of dog food. I told Bill I was planning all along to get a dog. Don't you
tell him any different, that will be our little secret." A glance at my
watch told me, "That`ll be Bill pulling in the yard now. Hold that thought
and you can tell us both what you been up to since the Army."



Thanks for the encouragement.