Date: Mon, 10 Feb 2003 16:53:38 -0500
From: Johnny Smile <johnnysmile@ureach.com>
Subject: Abraham

I knocked on the door to apartment 2-B.  I heard a scrape and a thud, and
then the bolt was unlatched.  The door swung open, and my brother Abe stood
before me.

"Matty!"  Abe greeted with a smile, before frowning.  "It's cold - where's
your coat?"

I shivered under my sweatshirt.  "I don't have one."  I said, pushing my
way in.  Abe closed the door behind me, and padded in his stockinged feet
back to the fireplace.  He tossed another log on the waning fire, and
pushed me into the chair nearest.  It was warm, from both the fire and his
body heat.  I pulled the soft blanket around my shoulders and shivered.

"Uh-uh."  Abe vetoed.  He held out a mug of something hot, and gestured
with his hands to give up the blanket.  "Take your sweatshirt off, too."
He ordered.

"What?  I'm freezing!"

He laughed at me.  "I know.  And they're keeping the heat from actually
getting to you.  Take off the sweatshirt."

I obeyed him, tossing the cover aside and pulling my sweatshirt off.  I
sat, shivering in a white T-shirt, hands cupped around the hot drink (which
I discovered was hot tea with Southern Comfort).  Abe sat on the couch next
to me and flipped the TV off.  "What going on, Matty?"  he asked, sitting
back.  My name was Matthew, but Abe had always called me Matty.  He was the
only one on the face of the earth who could call me Matty and get away with
it.

I glared out the corner of my eye at him, afraid if I moved at all I'd lose
some of my precious heat.  "Mom's drinking again."

"Shit."  He looked down.  "Are you okay?"

I nodded.  "Yeah.  I left.  I'd have more issues if I stayed."

He tossed his hands up and sighed, putting one foot up on the coffee table.
"Well, you know you can crash here as long as you need."

"How's forever."  I muttered.  He just laughed.  Finally I was starting to
feel the heat sink in!  Or maybe it was the alcohol.  Or both.  My brother
had no problems handing me liquor.  He knew I wasn't ever going to drink,
not like our Mom.

See, our mom used to be a hooker.  It's not a pretty life, but it's what we
had to live with.  She got knocked up by a "client," and Abraham was born.
Nearly ten years later, after our mom had given up "the biz," She married
and had me.  The man left her after only a couple years.  But our mother
was so scattered, so incapable, that my brother Abe took care of me most of
the time.  I feel sorry for him sometimes, when I think about the stuff he
couldn't do at fifteen because he had to be my guardian.  But he seemed so
well adjusted now.

Abe is a really great brother.  Caring, intelligent, handsome.  He was 26
going on 35, and still unattached.  I couldn't figure out why he didn't
have someone.  I knew he was gay, and obviously didn't care.  I mean, he's
my fucking brother - why would it matter who he loves, since I know he'll
always love me?

Plus, and this is something I've admitted to no one but him, I think I'm
bi.  I mean, I dig girls way too much to be gay.  Really.  I mean, the
right curves on a girl with long dark hair and golden skin...  My total
fantasy babe, along with pretty much the entire hetero population, is J.Lo.
That's a fuckin' woman!

But every once in a very blue moon, I'll see a guy and get that...feeling!
That one that I get all the time with girls, I can feel when just the right
guy comes along.  It's only happened a few times in my life, like with
Jamie Darienzo at school.  The quarterback of the varsity football team.
And Mr. Kreklow, my biology teacher last year.  He's such a handsome man.

So, I could count the guys on one hand that I'd been attracted to in my
life (and I had counted them using just one hand more than once).  And Abe
was one of them.

I know, he's my brother, it's gross, it's fucked-up.  But I'm fucked-up.
Honestly.  I mean, how could you have a substance-abusing, child-abusing,
prostitute mother and not be fucked-up?  The only person in my life who
treats me with respect and unconditional love is Abe.

He's so handsome, too.  He's five-ten with a very average build.  His brown
hair he keeps religiously short and well-manicured, and he had a cute
little goatee on the bottom of his chin.  He almost always wore his
glasses, flat oval lenses that really complimented his facial structure.
He dressed casual but nice, in T-shirts and khakis.  I don't think he even
owned a pair of jeans.

I don't know how he ended up so well-balanced, either.  I mean, we've
established that I'm fucked-up.  And of course I blame my mother.  But Abe
was so strong and centered.  We've had long, long talks about it, and he
thinks it's due to his religion.  He's Buddhist, and always tries to treat
every living thing with respect.  I don't know about you, but I'll step on
a spider.  I don't mind.  He's the kind of guy that actually collects them
and dumps outside. He's such a softie!

He's read like a million self-help books, too, which he points to to show
how not-okay he is.  I think it shows how okay he is, because he's learned
so much.  Anytime I've had a personal problem, I went to Abe.  He always
had the right answer.  I couldn't imagine anyone who could know as much as
he did about me.  He's my brother.

But damn, sometimes, every once in a while, I wanted him to touch me.  I
wanted him to hold me and tell me that everything would be okay.  Like
today.

My mother had had way too much of whatever she was doing these days.  She
gotten upset over something, and started throwing things around.  I didn't
want to hang out, so I went to my room to grab a few things, figuring I'd
bolt to the movies or something and let it blow over.  Maybe stop by Abe's
later.  But she followed me.  She crashed through my door, stumbling and
spilling her drink a little like a bad made-for-TV movie.  She accused me
of lying to her, of abandoning her, and of attacking her.  She threw her
drink at me, missing completely, which should tell you how drunk she was.
I snatched up my things and bolted.  She chased me from the house, telling
me how I was a no good bastard like my faggot brother and that I was
nothing without her.  I could still hear her screaming around the block.

I bussed downtown to Abe's immediately.

He let me sit with the fire and drink, warming up in silence.  I held the
tea like it was a life preserver, clinging to my sanity.  Abe said nothing,
just watched TV.  There was such a sense of...safety with him, of security
and love, that just being with him made me feel so much better.

I watched him for a moment.  One arm draped across the couch arm, the other
resting on the seat next to him, clutching a mug.  One white-socked foot
was propped up on the edge of the coffee table, his toes occasionally
curling, the other on the floor, giving me a perfect view of his ample
crotch-

No!  I can't do that!  Abe is my brother!  I'll allow myself to know that
he's beautiful and wonderful and loving, but I won't turn him into a sexual
object.  I can't.  There's too many problems that would cause if I began to
lust after him.  He's Abe.  My brother.

I looked up and Abe was staring at me.  "What's up?"  He asked.  His tone
was casual but his expression was asking for the deeper story.

I shrugged.  "Mom."  I said simply.  He nodded.  I felt my face grow very
hot, and my vision clouded over.  Oh god, not again.  I squeezed my eyes
shut, and then the tears came.  The TV went off.  I felt the mug lifted
from my hands, and Abe's hands grab mine.  He pulled me up, over onto the
couch, where he put his arm around me and let me cry.

I cried for quite a while.  I'd think of my mother's words, her behavior,
or just her expressions, and begin crying all over again.  His arm held me
close, rubbing my back, and he just let me cry.  He didn't try to talk to
me about it, he didn't try to stop me or fix me.  He just held me and let
my pain run its course.

I felt the tears subsiding after a while, and sniffled.  Abe kissed my
forehead, ruffling my hair.  My eyes felt sore, and his T-shirt felt damp.
Ugh.  I'd made such a mess.

I lifted from him, wiping my eyes.  He smiled a simple smile, and left for
the bathroom.  I snatched a handful of tissues from the table and blew my
nose, not really getting anywhere.  Abe returned with a damp washcloth.  He
sat again and dabbed my face gently, eventually folding the washcloth and
pressing it over my eyes.  "Hold that there for a minute."  He directed.  I
obeyed.

His hand rubbed my back while we sat in silence.  There wasn't really
anything to say about it.  He knew what our mom was likely to have said,
and he knew what it felt like to crash emotionally because of it.  There
was just nothing to say.

"I don't want to make you cry again or anything, Matty," he teased, "but I
love you."  Abe said.

I laughed, feeling my eyes well up again under the washcloth.  "Yeah, I
love you, too, loser."  I said.  He kissed the side of my head again, and
got up.

"Go take a shower."  He commanded.  "I'm going to the store to get some
food.  I'll be back in about an hour."  I heard rustling, and when I pulled
the washcloth from my swollen eyes, he was pulling a different shirt on.
Damn.  Missed it.  Oh, well.

"Okay."  I answered, watching him leave.  As soon as the door was locked, I
stood.  I found the bottle of Southern Comfort and took a swig.  I know,
alcoholism is a genetic disease and all that, but I don't drink often.
Today, I was fucking having a drink.

I went into the bathroom and found the giant fluffy towels I've learned all
gay men seem to own.  They're the best.  Why is it only gay men and
middle-aged women indulge themselves in luxury on a regular basis?  I
turned on the hot water and shucked my clothes, popping a hard-on before my
pants hit the floor.  There was something very erotic about getting naked
at my brother's house, even though I'd done it a million times before.  I
rubbed myself a few times, really reveling in the sensation, before
stepping into the shower.

The hot water felt incredible.  I realized how cold my skin was, and let
the heat soak in.  I'd forgot to close the door, so the steam escaped into
the rest of the apartment.  Eventually I scrubbed my body clean with his
loofah gloves and the scented body wash Abe uses.  It always smells so
different on me than on him.

I stepped from the shower, drying off with that great fluffy towel.  I
pulled his robe off the hook and pulled it around myself, once again loving
the fact that my brother was gay.  He had the nicest stuff!  This was one
of those terrycloth step-in robes with legs, so you could spend the entire
day in them if you wanted without flashing the world your business.  I let
the top hang open slightly, checking out my body.  Not bad at all for
seventeen.  I played sports (I loved bending down on the football field and
having Jamie Darienzo right on my ass), so I kept in good condition.  I'm
no gym dude, but that's okay.  I didn't have any trouble with the girls.

I flopped down on Abe's bed, intending to rest for just a minute.  Before I
knew it he was shaking me awake.  "Hey, Sleeping Beauty!  Food's almost
done."

I sat up slowly, watching him leave.  He had the nicest ass.  Just the
right amount of jiggle, without being a big ass.  I'd heard an ex-boyfriend
of Abe's call it a "juicy bootie."  I hope he just meant juicy like an
apple to sink your teeth into.  Otherwise Abe was into things I didn't want
to hear about.

I followed slowly, trying to rouse myself from the nap.  My hair was still
a little damp, so I hadn't been out that long.  He'd set his table for two,
with plates and forks and cloth napkins and wine glasses and everything.
Gay men...

I sat, running my hands through my hair.  "Whatcha making?"

He stood at the stove.  "Ravioli."

"Smells good."

He pulled a pan of bread from the oven and wrapped it in a towel.  Setting
the basket on the table, I reached for a piece.  He made the best
garlic-cheese bread ever!  He must have cooked this especially for me.
Such a great brother.  He's like a big sister, actually, with the whole
stability and warmth and open loving and everything, but he was better,
because he got all the guy things, too.  He knew why you walk down the
halls with your books in front of your lap, or why you watch "Battlebots"
on TV.  Having a gay older brother was pretty much the ultimate sibling.

He brought two bowls of ravioli out, setting them on the chargers (he's
taught me many things about dining properly).  He even grated fresh romano
cheese on top.  What a guy.

"Damn, Abe.  This is the best.  I wish you weren't my brother so I could
marry you and have you take care of me like this forever."

He laughed.  "You'd have to give up women.  I won't have my husband doing
chicks on the side."

I dug in.  I didn't realize how hungry I was until I smelled the food.  I
hadn't actually eaten today.  There was a soft string quartet in the
background, and twin candles burning on the table.  "Do you do this for
your boyfriends?"

He nodded, smiling.  "You know me.  I love to cook."

"Any man, gay or straight, could appreciate a great cook."  I laughed.  "So
why can't you keep a man?"

He scowled.  "I'm not the one who can't decide if I like boys or girls."

I smiled.  He always teased me about being bi.  He was the only person who
knew, and I think he felt a sort of connection through that.  My sexual
identity wasn't nearly as troublesome as his, though.  Our mom wouldn't
talk to him after he came out.  Eventually he stopped trying.  They had no
relationship at all.  He'd even changed his name a couple years ago, saying
he was creating himself rather than let someone else define him.  Whatever.
All I know is that once he was through with our mother, he was so happy.
It was like he mourned her loss for a while, and then moved on with his
life, without her in it.  Except for me, who kept bringing it up.

"I've decided."  I answered.  "I like both."  He smiled.

"Yeah."  Abe said.  "Maybe we can find you a nice tranny.  You can have
tits and a dick to play with."  It was a common scene.  Every few months
we'd banter again.  "Oh, and I picked up movies.  I figured that since you
bi-sexual, I got a chick flick and an action movie."

I smiled.  "You should have got chicks in action.  Now that would be a
movie."

He laughed.  "You wouldn't know what a girl in action was if she came up
and bit you on the nuts."

I feigned horror.  "Don't talk about my nuts, you perv!"  There was
something titillating about calling my brother a perv when I knew I was the
real perv.  I wondered what his dick looked like...

He held his hands up.  "I've just never seen such tiny nuts.  I mean,
really, how do they even function?"  He took another bite.  "At least
they're in proportion to your little dick."

He always got me.  Gay humor was a big stereotype, but it was a true one.
Abe could run circles around me, while I stood with my mouth open trying to
find a way to get him back.  I never won.

"Yeah, I'll show you how big my dick is."  I muttered.

He laughed.  "Wait - let me get my magnifying glass."

"You sure seem obsessed with looking at my dick."  I countered.  "I mean, I
know you're gay, but is that what you really want?"

He looked very serious.  "Oh yes.  There's nothing more I want on the
planet than to play with your little pecker."  He shook his head.  "You're
randy today."

I shrugged, letting his comment hang in the air.  In truth, I was.  For
him.  At that moment there really was nothing I wanted more than to play
with his big ol' pecker.  Only, I'd never get to.  I knew that.  There was
no way my brother would let me...do anything.  I was fucked up.  Really
fucked up.  God, I was so stupid...

Abe had stopped eating.  "Are you okay?"  He set his fork down.  "I'm sorry
if I was picking on you.  I'm kind-of a jerk today, I know."

"No, you're not."  I said, blinking back tears.  "You're great, Abe.
Really."  He smiled, and looked back to his food, accepting the compliment
for what it was.

He took a bite.  "You're pretty great, too, you know?"  He said after
swallowing.

I shook my head.  "Yeah, right."

"No, really."  He argued good-naturedly.  "You're pretty cool.  For a
dork."  I smiled.  We finished our food shortly and I helped clear the
plates.  It was the very lest I could do.  I even washed the dishes.  He
dried.

"I know I crash into your life a lot."  I said suddenly.  "I'm sorry."

"Hey."  Abe put the glass he was drying away.  "You don't need to
apologize."  He grabbed another glass from me.  "You can crash into my life
anytime."

"You don't get annoyed?"  I asked.

He shook his head.  "Nope.  I'm glad I can give you a safe place to hang
out.  Plus, I like having you around.  You're always welcome to crash into
my life."

I started crying again.  Geez, could I be more of a baby today?  Abe turned
off the water and handed me the towel.  "Come on.  We'll finish the dishes
later."  I let him lead me back to the couch, where we sat down.  "Talk."

I sighed, wiping my face.  "It was just a bad day."

"Uh-uh."  He argued.  "This is worse.  What'd she say?"

"Well, the usual."  I said.  "But then she went off about you, too."  I
felt him tense slightly.

"Don't worry about what she says about me.  She doesn't know me like you
do.  She can't judge me."

I leaned into his shoulder, and he put his arm around me again.  "But she
was saying how you've turned me against her, and you're gonna make me a fag
like you, and that we're evil fags that fuck each other, and all that."

He chuckled.  "Well, I am a fag, and I can be pretty evil, but I don't
think I've fucked you yet.  Have I?"  He asked.

I laughed.  "Not yet."  I put my hand on his chest, settling against him
more.  "Maybe tonight's the night."  His hand stopped stroking my back.  I
realized what I'd said.  Damn that wine!  I jerked up.  "I'm sorry!  I
didn't mean anything by that!  I swear!"

Abe's face looked very pale.  "Wait, wait, wait."  He held his hands up.
"Do you...Matty, are you trying to...?"

"No!"  I jumped up from the couch, walking way from him.  "It's nothing.
Just a joke."

He sat back.  "Oh my god...everything makes so much sense."  He grinned at
me.  "You're hitting on me!"

"No, I'm not!"  I cried.  "I was just teasing!"

He grinned slyly.  "Stop it.  Sit."  He patted the spot I had just vacated.
I sat hesitantly, but he pulled me close, like before, kissing the top of
my head.  "Don't freak out.  You're a guy.  It happens.  It feels gross,
but it's so normal."

"What the hell are you talking about?"  I asked.  I was getting way
confused.

"Matty, every single guy has done it.  There's always some time in your
life where you're so horny that someone you're not otherwise interested in
becomes an option for like half a second.  Any guy that tells you otherwise
is lying.  It's a passing moment.  You'll get over it."

I sighed, melting against Abe's strong chest.  "Sure."

"What?  You don't believe me?"  I shrugged.  "There's been a time or two
that I looked at you, you know."

I looked up at him.  His lips were so full and soft-looking.  He smiled,
and my heart jumped.  "Really?"

He nodded.  "Really.  It's just a horny day, you know?  I'm not going to
rape you in the middle of the night or anything.  You're my broth-"

I pressed my lips against his, pushing into him.  I could taste the ravioli
we'd had for dinner on his lips.  He didn't try to pull away, but he didn't
participate, either.  I think he was wondering what I was doing.

I opened my lips, sliding my tongue into his mouth.  He responded
instinctively for a moment, suckling my tongue, kissing me like a lover,
before pulling back, breaking us apart.

"What...what's going on?"  He asked, licking his lips.

"I love you, Abe.  I've loved you for as long as I can remember.  I love
you more than anyone I've ever known.  I wanted you to know how much I love
you."  I grabbed his free hand and pressed it against the steel bar of my
dick through the robe.  His eyes grew wide.  "I love you."

Abe leaned back slowly toward me, watching my eyes for signs of protest,
and finding none, kissed me again.  His lips were so soft and warm, and our
tongues seemed to fit together like they were a matched set.  I kissed him
over and over, finally experiencing what I'd secretly dreamed of for years.
I'd had fantasies about what it would be like to have Abe as a lover,
fantastic scenarios and horny yearnings, but this...

This was a million times better.  Feeling his arm hand behind my head, his
mouth consuming mine over and over, his other hand softly gripping my dick.
This was truly heaven!

Abe broke the kiss.  His face was flushed and his lips shiny.  "We can't.
We shouldn't."

I felt a knife plunge into my chest.  "Please, Abe?  Just for tonight?"
His eyes held such affection, and such conflict.  I tucked myself under his
arm again, my head against his chest, and let my hand stroke his chest.  "I
love you so much, Abe.  Just hold me."

And he did.  He wrapped both arms around me and we watched the fire.
Eventually we lay out on the couch, Abe on his back and me along his side,
listening to the thump of his heart, so strong and true.  At some point I'd
slipped my hand underneath his T-shirt, and he hadn't complained, so I left
it there, just stroking his soft skin.

The fire died, and we fell asleep together.

I woke to Abe's tapping on my shoulder.  "Matty."  He whispered.  "Matty,
wake up."  I lifted from his chest and looked up, shivering.

"What time is it?"  I croaked.

"It's two."  He replied.  "Let's go to bed."

I got off him begrudgingly and held out my hand to help him up.  When he
stood, I kissed him.  "I love you."

He smiled.  "I love you, too, doofus.  But it's late, and it's snowing out,
and I want to go to sleep."  He let go of my hand and headed for the back
bedroom.  Usually I slept on the couch when I crashed here.  He turned.
"You can stay in my bed.  If you want."

I nearly tripped in my haste to join him.  I was still wearing the robe of
his, and he was still in khakis and a T-shirt.  Entering his room, he had
the outer T-shirt off, wearing just a white undershirt.  His pants were
undone.

"Put those on."  He pointed at cotton shorts at the foot of his bed.  "I
don't want your stinky ass all over my sheets."  He smiled, letting me know
he was teasing.  But it was also to let me know he wasn't going to try
anything.

I slipped the robe off while his back was turned, trying desperately to
will my hard-on down.  It didn't help that his back was turned as he was
slipping his pants off.  His wonderful ass was pushed tight against the
boxers he wore.  I pulled the shorts on quickly, and moved to the other
side of his bed, slipping under the covers.  He climbed in on his side.

I didn't know what he was going to do.  If he was going to kiss me
goodnight or not.  So I lay there, flat on my back, hands on top of the
covers.  He slid in facing me, and held the covers up with one hand.  "Come
on."  He smiled.

I slid over to him, kissing him again and feeling my dick spasm.  He pushed
me to my back with one hand and pulled me to him, until we were spooning,
my back pressed cozily to his chest and belly.  He kept one arm hooked over
me, holding me close.  I could feel his warm breath against my neck.

"Goodnight, Abe."  I sighed, letting sleep return.

"Goodnight, Matty."

I woke the next morning before him.  We'd shifted in the night, and Abe was
now laying with his head on my chest, me on my back.  I stroked his hair,
enjoying this moment of tenderness.

Abe loved me.  I had no doubt of this.  I doubted pretty much everyone else
on the planet, but I never once doubted Abe's love.  He's proven it far too
often to be in question.  Last night was better than I could have imagined.
It was more fulfilling than any of the sexual encounters I'd had before.
Just lying on the couch with my big brother made me happier than I'd ever
been in my life.  I hoped it wasn't just one time.  Now that I knew how
happy I could be, I don't know how I could go back to pretending I could be
anything less with him.

I wanted to be with him.  In every sense.  I wanted to live here, to take
care of him, to have him take care of me.  I wanted to wake up every
morning with him in my arms like this, to fall asleep in his.  I wanted to
have romantic dinners like last nights (however unintentional it began).  I
wanted to be his husband.

I wanted him sexually.  I'd never been with a man before, ever.  I'd been
with girls quite a few times, and it was great.  I loved it.  But it was
nothing compared to spending time with Abe.  I realized what everyone was
talking about now, how the emotional attachment could make a relationship
so much better.  I wanted Abe to be the first man I had sex with, in any
way.

He stirred, and I felt myself smiling unintentionally.  He looked up and
smiled back.  "Morning, Matty."

"Morning."  I said, kissing his forehead.

"Did you sleep well?"  He asked, stretching his back and legs.

I nodded, stroking his chest.  "Better than ever before."

He laughed, and threw back the covers to get up.  He'd turned, so he didn't
see the tent in the front of my shorts.  I was so attracted to him!

Abe stood and pulled a thick blanket around him, padding off.  I jumped up
and threw open his closet doors, searching for something warm to put on.  I
found a thick sweatshirt and pulled it over my head.  I heard the toilet
flush and the shower start.  Smiling at the domesticity of the morning, I
went to start a fire.

It had snowed all night.  It was still going, in fact.  There must be a
foot on the ground.  No one was going anywhere.  Oh, to be trapped in this
fabulous apartment with my lover.

My lover.  God, how I hoped we would become lovers.  I don't think I could
live without him.  I wouldn't commit suicide or anything, but I just
couldn't imagine my life without him.

I started the fire, and went to make a fresh pot of coffee.  I caught a
glimpse of myself in the mirror and nearly scared myself half to death.  My
hair was standing on end!  I quickly pushed my head under the faucet,
hoping I wouldn't steal too much water from Abe's shower.  I dried with a
kitchen towel and brushed it with my fingers.  Running a handful of water
through my teeth, I did my best to be attractive.

I thought about dressing, but knew that gay men loved their men ultra
casual sometimes, and knew that Abe in particular liked his men a little
disheveled.  Whenever we'd go out in public, I tried to get Abe to point to
the guys he thought were hot.  I may be over-estimating myself, but I think
he picked people that were similar to me.

The coffee finished just as the water turned off.  I poured two cups and
handed one to Abe as he entered the front room in the robe I had worn
yesterday.  Now we were sharing clothes.  He gratefully took the coffee and
stepped behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing the back
of my neck.

"No school, I'm guessing."  He said.

I shrugged.  "I wouldn't go today anyway.  I want to spend the day with
you."  I turned and kissed him on the lips, savoring the feel of his skin
against mine.

He pulled back and smiled.  "You're stubborn when you get an idea."

I pulled the top of his robe open and leaned in to kiss his chest.  "I love
you.  Simple as that."  I brushed my lips over his chest, the sparse hair
tickling me.  His body wash smelled delicious on him.

He grabbed my chin and pulled me up.  "I love you, too, but it's not
simple."

I felt my heart sink as he let go and went to sit by the fire.  Please
don't brush me off!

Abe sat down, one foot propped on the coffee table.  I sat in the chair
next to him.  "We've got a lot to talk about."

"Like what?"  I asked.  "I love you, you love me.  I know you want me, too,
or you wouldn't have kissed me and held me the way you did a moment ago.
You wouldn't have held me all night long.  You want this as much as I do."

Abe smiled.  "That's true.  I love you, and I would love to be with you.
But you're seventeen-"

"Old enough to know what I want."

"-and I'm 26."

"Which is old enough to have what I need."

"And we're brothers."

"Well," I laughed at him, "I don't think our children are going to be
mutants or anything."

He laughed, too.  Even his laugh was sexy!  I moved over to him, straddling
his lap.  "Abe, I love you."  I gripped his shoulders.  "There's not a damn
thing you or I can do about it.  I really think the best thing is to just
bend over and let me fuck you."

He burst out laughing, setting his coffee on the table.  "You think you're
gonna fuck me?  Matty, I'm older."

"But you're gay."  I countered.  "You're far more likely to enjoy
bottoming."

He raised an eyebrow.  "I like topping."

I smiled, pressing his head to my neck.  I felt tiny kisses.  "I guess
we'll just have to try it both ways and see which one works better."  His
hand slipped inside my shorts and gripped my dick firmly but tenderly.  He
squeezed it a couple times.

"Damn."  He whispered.

I took a guess.  "I'm not a little kid anymore, Abe."

"No, you're not."  He pushed me off him, so I was sitting on the coffee
table, and leaned forward.  He pulled my (his) shorts down and slid his
hand up and down my dick.  "It's big, Matty."  He whispered.  I gasped at
the pleasurable hand-job, but what I wanted was a good old-fashioned blow.

And I got it.  Abe leaned forward and slid the head of my prick between his
lips.  I whimpered, biting my lip to keep from crying out.  He sucked,
rubbing his tongue around the head, over and over again.  He pulled back,
and his thumb rubbed the sensitive tissue.

"God you're good!"  I panted.

He smiled.  "You didn't know?"  He asked.  "Gay men do it way better than
girls.  It's a known fact."

I cupped his head.  "I won't ever forget."  I pushed him back down.  He
slid the whole thing down this time, and I cried out.  He sucked me for all
I had, tearing an orgasm from me in record time.  I called out his name as
I came, something I thought only happened in stories.

Then a strange thing happened.  I started to cry.  He pulled my shorts back
up and held his arms out.  I slipped back onto his lap, and he held me
tightly.  I rested my head on his shoulder and cried.  I didn't even know
what I was crying about.  I just felt...overwhelmed.

When I'd subsided, I pushed back from Abe.  "That was incredible."

He laughed soundly.  "You okay?"  He asked, his eyes searching mine.

I nodded.  "I really am.  I'm not sure why I started crying this time."  I
hugged him close again.  "Maybe from happiness."

He chuckled.  "Oh my god, you are such a sap."

"Hey!"  I pinched his nipple.  "I'm just trying to be honest with you."  He
pulled away from my pinch, and I slid my hand inside his robe, reaching to
stroke his nipple.  "You want me to kiss it and make it better?"  I asked.

He grinned.  "You're like a walking hormone."  Abe teased.  "I just drained
you and you're still rarin' to go."

I pinched his nipple again, this time softly.  "It must be because I'm
straddling such a sexy man."

He rolled his eyes.  "That is it!  You're dead!"  He pushed me over onto
the couch and dove on top of me.  Wrestling, he managed to get both his
hands under my sweatshirt and clamped painfully onto my nipples.

"Ow ow ow!"  I cried out.  "I give!"

He backed off, his fingers now caressing my bruised tits.  I realized that
he was pressed against my groin, my legs around his waist.  He smiled.

"You give."  He snorted.  "But can you take?"  He pushed forward, his rigid
rod pressing against my ass through two layers of thick fabric.  I closed
my eyes, arching my hips up to meet him better.

"That feels great, Abe."  I whispered.  "Mmm, fuck me..."

He leaned down and licked my neck.  The motion sent sparks through my
entire body.  His fingers slipped off my nipples and under my legs, and I
suddenly found my ass lifted from the couch and positioned directly to
receive him.

"You think you can handle my big dick up your ass?"  He asked, nibbling the
shell of my ear.

"No."  I panted.  "But I'll try it anyway."

Abe laid his entire weight on top of me, holding my hands above my head.
He kissed my lips, sliding his tongue into my mouth.  I returned it
happily.

Eventually he lifted from me, sitting back on his couch.  His legs spread,
He gripped his shaft through the thick terrycloth.  "You want my dick,
don't you?"  He asked, smiling.

I wiped my mouth, sitting up.  "Uh-huh."  I nodded.  I leaned forward and
closed my hands over top of his, feeling him feel his own dick.  I kissed
his knuckles, licking his hand.  I slid my fingers around until I knew I
was touching the thick shaft under his clothes.  I nearly came right there!
I was touching Abe's dick!

He slid his hands free, and let me massage his crotch myself.  "That's
feels great, Matty."  He pulled his robe open all the way, exposing his
barely hairy chest and belly, down into the dense pubic hair around his
manhood.

It was beautiful.  His shaft was average length, but thicker than most.
Right now the head was the same size as the shaft, but it was swelling.  It
lay upward, exposing the underside down to his juicy-looking balls.  I
couldn't resist any longer.

I reached out and caressed his nuts, feeling them slide around inside their
sack.  One hand slid upward, wrapping around Abe's pole and pulling it
upright.  The head was fully engorged and bright red, the slit just barely
beginning to leak.

I licked the head of his dick, eliciting a shocked cry from him.  I took
the head in my mouth and sucked, hoping to god I kept my teeth from hurting
him too bad.  It was delicious!  I thought the first time I sucked a dick
would be awful, like an acquired taste or something.  But this was
magnificent!  I could spend the rest of my life with Abe' dick in my mouth.
I wasn't sure about him cumming, but I was willing to do anything, as long
as it made him happy.

He lay back, letting me suck his dick, the first dick I'd ever sucked.  He
moaned, whispering my name, telling me how good I was doing.  He finally
grabbed my head and pulled me from his cock, guiding me up on to of him.

We kissed, and I could feel his hard dick pressed between us "You're good
for a virgin."  I kissed him.

"Does this mean you'll be my lover?"  I asked.  "Can we forget the weird
shit and go for it?"

He smiled, looking away.  "I don't know."  I felt him deflating underneath.
"I can't forget the weird shit.  I love you-"

"And I love you."  I said, chewing his goateed chin.  "And I don't care if
we share the same blood.  There isn't anyone on earth that I want more to
be husband to.  I want to spend every night like last night, with you in my
arms."

"But we're brothers."  Abe argued.  "It's creepy."

I slid my hand down, fondling his semi-limp dick.  "But I want my brother's
dick."  I grinned, kissing his throat.  "I can embrace incest if it means
I'll have you to myself."

He rolled his eyes.  "What would Mom say?"

"Fuck her."  I barked, pushing away from Abe.  I got up and went to the
bathroom.  He didn't seem to understand.  I couldn't not be with him.  I'd
never be happy without him.  He held my entire life in his hands, and he
wasn't sure if he wanted it!

There was a knock at the door.  "Matty?"

"Leave me alone."  I said.

There was silence, and then, "Come with me to the store.  I want to grab a
few things, and I'd love it if you came."

I didn't want to.  I wanted to stay in the bathroom and make him beg and
plead.  But I couldn't stand that tone in his voice, the one that said I'd
hurt him.  It was too much.  "Okay.  I'll be out in a minute."

I splashed some cold water on my face, and decided to go for it.  I tugged
my sweatshirt off and pushed my shorts to the floor, leaving me naked as
the day I was born.  Kicking them aside, I opened the door.

Abe was in his bedroom dressing.  I joined him, standing in the doorway
with my hands on my hips.  "Do you have anything for me to wear?  My
clothes are pretty dirty."

His eyes were round as saucers at first, sliding up and down my body
repeatedly, until finally dragging themselves up to my face.  He was beet
red.  "I've, uh, got something, I'm sure."  He walked slowly to the closet,
dressed in an undershirt and khakis.  His shoulders looked so strong.
"Uhm, here."  He said, handing me some warm-up pants.  "These should be
okay.  You're taller than me."

I pulled them on, making sure they were low on my hips.  Telling him I
wanted him wasn't working.  I'd have to make him want me.

"I don't need a shirt."  I said.  "Just a coat."  He passed me white socks,
which I pulled on.  He grabbed a sweatshirt and we went to the front door.
I grabbed one of his bulky winter coats (gay men have at least three) and
slipped my shoes on.  They were stiff from drying out overnight.  Abe
seemed a little stiff, too.  I must be having some effect on him.  Zipping
the coat up against my naked chest, I left.  Abe followed.

We walked the first block in silence, just adjusting to the deep snow.
Finally he spoke.  "What are you doing?"

I shrugged.  "What do you mean?"

"Why are you doing this?"  He gestured at the clothes.  "This."

"You gave me these to wear."

"You know what I mean."

I kept my eyes on the ground.  "I'm just trying to be comfortable.  I
figured now that you'd seen me naked, now that you'd sucked my cock and
swallowed my cum, it wouldn't be a big deal."

He shook his head.  "If you're trying to say something, just fucking say
it."

"I did.  You didn't care."

He stopped, shoving me.  "Fuck you!  I do too care!"

I shrugged.  "Didn't feel like it."

He clenched his hands.  "I'm sorry if this is easier for you.  I'm having a
few issues with all of it."

I waved him along.  "No problem.  Let's go."

He followed behind me three paces.  "You're being a dick."  He said.

"You are what you eat."  I couldn't resist an opportunity like that.

He caught my arms.  "Please, Matty.  Talk to me."

I spun to face him.  "That's all we've done is talk."  I pressed against
him, cars whizzing by.  "I'm done talking."  I kissed him, deeply.  He
responded, and a car honked obnoxiously as it passed.  "Oh my god."  I
mocked.  "People are watching you kiss your brother."

I turned and continued.  He followed.

In the store, I followed him instead, since he knew what he wanted and I
had no money anyway.

"Do you like ham or bacon?"  He asked.

I pressed tightly against his back, whispering into his ear.  "I like
pork."

He shrugged me off, grabbing the ham.  I followed.

At the register, I wrapped my arm around his waist as he paid, snuggling
against him.  The cashier looked at us with a grin.  Abe smiled weakly, but
I returned it gladly.  "I love my big brother."  I said, laying my head on
his shoulder.  Her grin disappeared.

Outside he smacked me in the arm.  "What was that all about?"

"I didn't want her to get the wrong idea."

"So why not lay off long enough to get out of the store?"

I stepped close.  "I like touching you."  I slid my hands around his waist,
gripping his butt.  His arms were at his sides, a grocery bag hanging from
each hand.  "Don't you like touching me?"  His breathing was erratic, his
eyes staring at my lips.  I nearly kissed him, out lips just an inch apart.
"Don't you want me to fuck you?"  He looked like he was going to break.

But he stepped back.  "I want you to stop being a jerk."  He walked past
me.  I followed.

Once home, he began putting groceries away.  I sat at the table, watching.
"Matty, it's not that I don't want you."

"Then what is it?"  I asked.  "You're saying no.  Why?  What's wrong with
me?"  I didn't want to, but that last sentence brought tears to my eyes.  I
didn't want to lose control of myself again.  All I've done since coming
here is cry on his shoulder.

He stopped putting the groceries away and came over, grabbing my hands.
"There's nothing wrong with you, Matty!"  He smiled.  "You're beautiful!
You're such a wonderful, intelligent, sexy young man."

I slid my hands around his waist, pulling him onto my lap.  "Then why won't
you let me be your man?"

Abe rolled his eyes.  "I...all right.  You want the truth?"  He asked
rhetorically.  "I don't want to fuck you up."

I wasn't expecting that response.  "What?"

"I don't want to be the one who's responsible for crushing a beautiful
young man before he's reached his potential."

I smiled, bewildered.  "I don't think I understand.  I love you," I pulled
him closer, "and a lot more than just sexually.  I love you, Abraham.  I
can see myself truly happy growing old with you, as a lover."

"But don't you see?  You love me as your brother.  I'd be someone different
if I were your lover.  I wouldn't be your big brother anymore."

I kissed his chest.  "You'll always be my big brother."  I said.  "I love
you, who you are."

"You can't have both."

"Why?  Why can't I love my big brother this much?"

"Because I can't."  Abe got off me, returning to the kitchen.  "Don't you
get it?  I can't be both your brother and your boyfriend.  I can't do it."

"How?  You've already been both."

He shook his head.  "No, I've switched back and forth.  I've been one or
the other.  That would drive me insane soon enough."  He sighed.  "Matty, I
couldn't do it.  I'd kill you."

I shook my head.  "Then be my boyfriend.  I'll take it."

He tossed something in the fridge.  "It's not yours to take."

"And this is gonna fuck me up how?"

"If I try to turn you into a boyfriend, you stop being my brother.  We've
spent our entire lives building a brother relationship that works.  What
would you do if I was gone?"

"But you won't be."  I argued.  "Abe, I'll go to you for help, same as
always."

He nodded.  "But now you'll be going to a lover, not a brother.  And I've
got to minister to a lover, which would suck for me.  How do you cross
those lines?"

I smiled.  "With lots of KY."

"Matty."  He scowled.  "I'm trying to really have a conversation."

I stood.  "I don't get it.  Yeah, things would change.  But everyone relies
on their lover for emotional support, and on their siblings.  I don't see
how our relationship is going to change that much."

"Okay.  And what happens when you get bored and cheat.  What happens to our
brother relationship?"

I scowled.  "I wouldn't cheat."  I said decisively.

He laughed at me.  "You would.  You're seventeen.  You've got a lot of
growing up to do."

"Don't talk down to me."

"You're seventeen!"  He shouted again.  "I'm 26, and I've got a lot of
growing up to do.  You're still in high school!"

"God!  I just wanted to fuck you.  I didn't think the world was going to
crash to an end."  I looked down.  "Can't we be brothers who fuck?"

"Can you take that?"  Abe asked.  "What happens when you sit here, waiting
for me to come home, 'cause you've got a hard-on that night, and I don't
come home at all.  I stayed out all night with a guy I met.  We fuck all
night long, kissing and licking and sucking and fucking all night long.
What then?"

I was silent.

"I just fucked Johnny Longcock, really loving his body, his kisses, his
touches.  How are you going to react?  You've sat waiting for me to be
home, and the whole time I was making love to someone else."

"I'm not gonna lie.  That would suck."  I said.  "But I'd get it, Abe.  If
you didn't make a commitment to me, then you'd be able to do whatever you
want."

"And what would you say or do the next time you saw me?"  Abe asked.  "What
would you think every single time you saw me?"

I was beginning to understand.  "And you can't commit to a monogamous
relationship?"

"Of course!  I can commit.  But you're seventeen!  No matter how much you
think you know about yourself, you can't commit!  You can't!"

"I can."  I said quietly.

"For how long?  A month?  A year?  Five years?  Ten?  And then?  No more
lover, and no more brother.  You ready for that?"

"No."

"See?"  He asked, dragging out pans for breakfast.

"I want you!"  I shouted.  "Even if it's one time.  Even if it's when
you're not fucking whomever.  We don't have to be exclusive.  I can handle
that."

"And when I do want something exclusive, with someone else?"

"Dude, I'm your brother.  That shouldn't count."

"It will."  Abe said.  "I love you, more than anyone else on the planet I
love you Matty.  That will never change.  But the way I love you might.
And I don't want to put you through that."

"Does that mean we can't be together whenever?  Just as whatever?"

He laughed a tired laugh.  "Matty, are you just trying to get laid?"

"No!"  I blurted.  "I could get that anywhere.  I want you."

"You want me.  Why?"  Abe began cracking eggs in a bowl.

" 'Why?'  What do you mean, 'why?'  Why else?"  I stood, and leaned against
the island, opposite Abe.  "I love you, you fuck!  I- love- you!"

Abe shook his head.  "I know.  I love you, too.  More than I think you
know.  But why?"  I sighed in frustration.

"I just wanted to make love to you!"  I hissed.  "It's not that fucking
hard!"

Abe continued.  "You love me because I've always been there, I've always
helped you when you're down.  Because I'm the one who's always been there
for you."

"And I want the person who's always been there for me to be there for this,
for my first time."  I smiled weakly at him, trying to be serious and cute
at the same time.  "I want you to be the first guy I'm with.  I want you to
be the one."

"That's..."  Abe sighed, searching for a response.  "That's really
flattering."

"Quit it."  I silenced him, moving around to the kitchen side of the
counter island, standing behind him.  "Quit being the one who's so tightly
in control.  Quit being so worried about repercussions.  You spend all your
time trying to give the perfect answer to every question, the perfect
resolution to every single situation in my life."  I reached out and
grabbed his ass, massaging the juicy flesh.  "Quit trying to protect me
from you." I slipped my hand under the waistband, gripping bare flesh.
"You're the one person I don't need to be saved from."  I leaned forward,
whispering in his ear.  "I'm a big boy, Abe, and I know what I want, and I
can handle the shit that comes along with it.  I want you, and I know you
want me.  Maybe it's time you stopped telling me your idea of who I should
be and listen to me tell you who I am."

He set the whisk down, sighing and closing his eyes.  I slid my fingers
between his soft, downy cheeks, and rubbed my middle finger across his
tight hole, licking his ear.  "Mmm, you're so hot, Abe..."  I whispered.
"You're such a hot fucker, and I can't go on another day without touching
you..."  I slid down to my knees, pulling his pants down with me.  Thank
god they were loose on him.

Finally, here was my idea of perfect love, bare-assed and in my face.  I
licked my lips and kissed one of his cheeks.  "So pretty..." I whispered,
hoping he heard it.  I pushed his buns apart, exposing his tender hole.

"Matty-" he began to argue.  I slapped his ass.

"Shut up."  Before he could protest, and before I could change my mind -
this was a huge, huge step in my sexual exploration - I pressed my face
into his ass.  Licking the puckered star, I felt his body begin to go limp.
He grabbed the counter, but didn't try to stop me.  Good.

I pulled his cheeks apart and really began eating his tight hole out.  I
didn't know how to do it, so I pretended it was a cunt.  I licked and
nibbled, forcing my tongue inside him over and over.  After a while I
thought to try something else.

I pushed my index finger against his hole, and it opened surprisingly easy.
My brother's such a little slut!  I spit on the point where my finger was
disappearing inside him, and it slid in a lot easier.  I felt a solid bump
inside, and rubbed it.  Abe's knees buckled, and he nearly fell.

"Oh, fuck!"  He called out.  "God, Matty, what are you doing?"

"You don't know?"  I asked.  "I'm trying to get you to open your prude
little legs and let me show you how a straight man does it."

He laughed, despite my finger in his ass.  "All right.  Let's hit the
bedroom."

I stood, refusing to remove my finger.  "Let's go."  He looked at me.  "I'm
not giving you up.  I've made it this far past your chastity belt, I'm not
giving even this little slice of heaven back just yet."  He laughed, and I
kissed him.  "I love you, Abe."  I said.

He frowned.  "I love you, too, but you taste like ass."

I grinned.  "Just one of the many things I'm going to taste."  He led me to
his room, his wonderful ass jiggling as he walked. At his bed I pushed him
forward and dove back down to eat him again.  He pulled himself up onto his
elbows and one knee, the other foot still on the floor, trapped by my
position.

I slipped my finger from his ass and replaced it with my thumb.  He groaned
loudly.  For the first time I noticed his fuzzy nuts hanging under him.
While pumping my thumb in and out, I sucked his nuts up, holding both in my
mouth.  I rolled them around on my tongue, loving both the way they felt in
my mouth and the way Abe wriggled under the stimulation.  Finally, I was
able to make him as happy as he made me.

Abe's nuts fell from my mouth, and I pulled my thumb from his ass.  He
climbed all the way on the bed.  "Take your clothes off."  I commanded.  He
looked at me sideways, but didn't argue.  He obeyed with a smile.  I was
truly captivated, watching him strip.  I wanted to kiss his entire body, to
smell every inch, to taste it all.  I pulled the coat off, and pushed the
warm-up pants to the floor.

As he pulled his second sock off, he waved me forward.  "Come here, Matty.
I wanna suck you off before you fuck me."  I climbed up next to him, and
kissed him.  He reached to caress my body, sending shivers through me.

"It's so cold in here!"  I finally exclaimed.  "I mean, I think my nipples
could cut glass."  I said, pinching one of his delicious looking nipples.
"Yours are pretty solid, too, sexy."

"Let's make a fire."  He slid from the bed, reaching for a blanket.

"No."  I stopped him.  "Don't cover yourself.  I want to see you."  He
smiled, and walked out of the room.  I followed three steps behind him.

I sat on the edge of the coffee table, stroking his ass while he loaded the
fireplace.  "You have any idea how fuckin' hot you are, Abe?"

He laughed.  "I think you may be biased."

"No way, man.  You're so fuckin' hot.  One of my girlfriends thought you
were sexy, too.  It's too bad - she would have loved a three-way with me
and you."

Abe got the fire started, and turned to me.  His dick was at face level.
"I'll stick with men, thank you."  He grabbed my head.  "Show me how
straight men suck dick."

I laughed, and opened my mouth to slurp up his rod.  It was leaking precum
like there was no tomorrow.  God, the flavor was driving me crazy!  I held
his balls in one hand and jacked his rod into my mouth with the other.  He
panted and groaned, so I knew I must be doing a decent job.  It was the
first dick I'd ever had in my mouth, but it wouldn't be the last.  God, it
was so nice to feel my big brother's slab of meat on my tongue.

I pulled off it and checked it out.  His head was thick and round, the
uncircumcised skin pulled back tightly by my hand.  The slit was dripping
with his clear juice.  I licked it off, and he groaned again.  I slurped
just the head, swirling my tongue around the head over and over.  He moaned
loudly.

"You've gotta stop, Matty..."  He panted.  "It's...I'm gonna..."

I knew exactly what he was gonna do.  And he was gonna do it in my mouth.

I reached back and pushed my finger against his hole again, and he gasped,
before his dick swelled even bigger than it already was, and Abe spewed.

My big brother grabbed my head and spilled his hot sperm in my mouth,
flooding it.  I swallowed.  It was thick.  I imagined his strong little
swimmers looking for an egg to make a baby and finding nothing but
digestive enzymes instead.  Abe's thick cock squeezed more nut-juice, which
I drank happily.  My first spunk was my brother's.

Abe panted heavily.  "I didn't mean to cum in your mouth."  He apologized.

I smiled, licking the tip of his deflating dick.  "I liked it.  It was
great."  I wiped my mouth.  "You're never going to jack off again, I hope
you realize?"

He laughed.  "Sit back so I can do you."

"Uh-uh."  I argued.  "Get on the floor, Abey-baby.  I'm gonna fuck your
sweet ass."

He hesitated.  "Matty-"

"No."  I cut him off.  "Get on the floor.  I'm gonna fuck you."

He looked down at my raging hard-on.  "It looks like you're gonna burst."

"I am, sweetcheeks.  Inside you."

He tipped his head.  "Get a condom."

"For your brother?"  I asked, mock offended.

He shook his head.  "Get a condom."

I leaned forward and kissed his hipbone, stroking my fingers across his
soft dick.  "For you?  Anything."  I stood, kissing his cheek.  "Where do
you keep your love gloves?"

He laughed.  "In the nightstand by my bed."

I ran and grabbed a few; who knows if we'll want to do it again.  I knew I
wanted to do it all the time.  I also snagged the bottle of lube.  Hurrying
back to the front room, I saw Abe had thrown a blanket across the carpet in
front of the fire, and pulled a few pillows down to brace himself against.
I smiled.

"Get yourself comfy, big brother, 'cause I'm gonna fuck you like I never
fucked no one before."

He laughed.  "You sure seem awful sure of yourself.  What makes you think
you can handle what I got?"  I knelt beside him and our hands instinctively
found each other's.  Our lips pressed together in a simple kiss, more
romantic than I would have thought I'd ever feel, but honest nonetheless.

"I've fucked enough to know how to do it."  I assured him, nuzzling his
neck, stroking his thigh.

He laughed again.  "How many gay men have you fucked?"  When I just looked
at him out of the corner of my eye and continued kissing his neck, he
smiled.  "We're a whole different breed of fucking."

I pushed him down.  "Yeah?  Time to put your money where my mouth was,
baby.  Spread those legs and let me get at that sweet ass."

He took the condom from me, tearing the foil open . I sat back, waiting for
him to slip it on me.  Abe leaned in and grabbed my dick gently, kissing
the head.  He licked at it a few times, then wrapped his lips around it,
slicking his spit across it with his tongue.

"Ohhh..."  I wanted to talk dirty to him, really control the moment, show
him what a man his little bro had become, but he was so good, so incredibly
good at sucking cock that my eyes rolled back in my head and all I could do
was moan.

Abe kept most of his sucking just around the head of my dick, his hand
squeezing the shaft in slow, gentle rhythm to match.  His tongue dove
around and around my dickhead, sending wave after wave of pleasure right
through my entire body, jolting me beyond anything I'd ever experienced
before.

I tried to hold back, tried to keep from cumming again, wanting to save it
all for Abe's ass, but I couldn't help it.  I couldn't fight it any more.
I let out a strangled cry, and the orgasm swept over me.

When I finally regained my senses enough to see, I found Abe was still
sucking my dick, softly now, more like a gentle caress than a stimulation.
It was almost like he was nursing on my prick than trying to get me off.
It felt wonderfully intimate.

After a moment, he slipped his mouth off, stroked my dick a couple times,
and slid the rubber down over the top of my still-hard dick.  He winked at
me.  "I just wanna make sure that this lasts."  He said.  "If we're gonna
go all the way with this I wanna make it as good as possible."  His hand
stroked me up and down, the rubber crinkling at the end of my dick.  He
kissed me.  "I love you, Matty."

I pinched his chin affectionately.  "I love you, too, Abe."  I said,
kissing him back.  I couldn't help it - he was so cute - I threw my arms
around his shoulders and hugged him.  He laughed and fell backward, and I
sprawled on top of him, laughing, too.

I felt his hands stroke my back as his lips reached for mine.  We kissed,
my stiff dick swelling even more.  I loved kissing him, loved touching him,
but it was time: I had to fuck him!

I lifted off Abe and grabbed under his knees, swinging them up onto my
shoulders.  I watched Abe's eyes roam from my face down my body, stare at
my hand as I jacked my dick slowly, readying it to slip it inside him, and
then back up to meet my eyes.  He smiled, and it looked like his eyes
teared up just a little.  I felt like I was gonna cry, too, so instead I
pinched his ass softly.

"I hope you got insurance on this thing, 'cause I'm about to tear the
mother-fucker up!

He laughed, and waved me forward with one hand.  "Bring it on, baby, bring
it on."

I grabbed the lube and squeezed some out into my hand, rubbing it into my
dick.  Once I was sure it was warmed up enough, I ran my fingers over Abe's
hole. Pushing my first finger in slowly.  He closed his eyes, the edges
crinkling in discomfort, his mouth turning upward in a slight smile.
"What's so funny?"  I asked him, still pushing my finger inside my big
brother."

"It's so weird, doing this with my kid brother."  His eyes opened.  "But
I'm glad we're doing it."

I kissed his knee.  "Me, too."  I pulled my finger free, and then pushed
two into Abe.  He moaned.  "You can do this, baby."  I cooed.  "You're an
old pro at this, aren't you?"

"Fuck you."  Abe scowled at me.

"Maybe later, beautiful.  I'm doing the fucking right now."

I pulled the two out and pushed the head of my dick against his hole.  It
slid inside his hot ass so smoothly, with such a tight softness - it was
nothing like fucking pussy.  I mean, I love pussy, but damn this was
incredible!  Abe was so hot and tight and soft and silky and just fuckin'
incredible.  So good I howled.

Abe laughed at me, his face a grimace through behind his grin.  "Told you,
fucker."  He laughed.  "Oh, god, it's good, Matty..."  His head fell back
and he groaned with me.

I finally slid all the way in, his ass clamping tight on my cock.  I held
it there, the sensations driving me wild before I'd even begun.  Abe's face
was a few inches from mine, and I leaned down and kissed his lips. "I love
you, Abe."  I said, kissing him again.

"Me, too, Matty, but fuck me, please?"

I took a deep breath and pulled back.  The sensations were different than
pussy, for sure.  I don't know if it was just that I was finally fucking a
guy or that I was fucking my brother, but the feelings were so intense,
much more than I'd ever experienced before.

I pushed forward again, Abe groaning.  "Do it, Matty...fuck me good..."

I smiled, feeling sweat already begin to bead across my forehead.  Let's
open this mother up and see what it can do!

I pumped into him, back and forth, pistoning steadily.  Goddamn, I was
fucking my big brother!  I was fucking the shit out of Abe and it was
great!  I wanted it to go on forever.  Thank god he'd sucked me off just
before; I saw now why he'd done it.  Since he'd ripped one outta me just
beforehand, I could hold out for a long time - well, longer than I would
have, which would have been almost nothing, as great as this was.  I
wouldn't have lasted worth shit without him suckin' one down.

"Let's roll over."  Abe suggested.  I think his legs were cramping up.  I
grasped his ankles and spun him to the side, pumping again before he could
crawl to his knees.  I had one of his legs lifted up my chest, my hands
gripping and massaging the firm muscles, the other leg lying flat on the
floor.  Abe sprawled on his side, eyes closed, moaning like I've never
seen.

"Oh, god, Matty, you're such a stud..."  He growled, his voice broken by my
regular thrusting.

"I know it."  I teased.  "I just never realized you were gonna ruin me for
all those sweet, juicy cunts out there."  He grimaced at my
intentionally-graphic choice of words.  "I'm never gonna be able to fuck
another one after you, baby."  I said, slowing my rhythm slightly and
lengthening the stroke.  "You're so- fuckin'- tight!"  I punctuated my
words with hard, deep thrusts.

By this point Abe was pretty well just a moaning pile of jelly, and I was
sweating like I'd been jogging for an hour.  Abe eventually looked up as my
fucking grew more relaxed.  "You look wiped out."  He smiled.  I grinned.

"You're just so unbelievable at this."  I chuckled.  "I don't want it to
ever end, but I'm seriously running out of steam, baby."  I hesitated, my
dick buried fully inside my big brother, breathing heavily.

Abe smiled.  "And you're like a machine with that thing."  He said,
lowering his other leg.  "Lay behind me for a few minutes and breathe."

I lay down, trying to keep my prick inside him.  It was so soft, and so
hot, and so fuckin' tight!  I managed it, and Abe backed into my arms,
letting me hold him close.  "I love you."  I said, kissing his neck.

Abe sort of cuddled back into me.  "Me, too."

I laughed, pulling him close, pushing my hips into his ass harder.  "This
is without a doubt the coolest thing ever."  I told him.  "Getting to
finally be with you, after wanting you for so damn long."

"Really?"  Abe stroked my hand.  "You wanted me?"

"You thought I was lying earlier?  Abe, you're my yardstick.  You're the
one I hold everyone else up against.  You're my ideal."  I nibbled his ear.
"You're my perfection."

Abe was silent, and I felt him start to shake.  Raising up to look at him,
I saw his face scrunched up in pain, his eyes squeezed tight.  He was
crying!  My first instinct was to try to calm him, to get him to stop, to
make him happy.  I realized that Abe never did that with me.  He never
tried to get me to keep form crying.  He would hold me until it had passed
on its own, then talk to me about it.

Abe never cried.  Well, I mean, at bad movies and dumb things, but never
like this, never over himself, never in front of me.  I held him tightly,
his body wracking my own with his sobs.  I felt my eyes burning, his pain
hurting me, too, but I didn't cry.  He was so strong for me whenever I
needed him, I vowed I would do the same.

It took a while, actually, but his body began to relax.  I hugged him
tight, and then loosened my hold, giving him room to breathe.  He sighed
deeply, kissing my hand again.  "I needed that."  He finally said, a
heaviness to his voice.

I paused, stroking my fingers over his belly.  "I know you don't think I
can commit for life, and I guess I have to admit you could be right.  But I
love you now.  I've loved you for as long as I can remember, and I can't
imagine that changing ever.  So for as long as we can, can we do this?"

Abe cooed, a strange, contented noise.  "You want to be my boyfriend?"

I nodded, though he couldn't see.  "Yeah.  I want to be able to come home
to you every day, to sleep next to you every night."

"No more pussy?"  He asked, only half-teasing.

"No more pussy."  I agreed.  "But you need to know something: I'm not
giving that up because of you.  I'm not stopping because you're asking me
to.  I'm stopping because I want to become exclusive with you, because it's
what I really, truly want.  It's what will make me the happiest."  I felt
my dick swell to fullness inside him again, and I pushed forward.  "You
make me the happiest I've ever been.  If that changes, I'll talk to you
before I make a dumb choice.  But I can't imagine it changing.  I love you
more than I ever thought I could love someone."

Abe sat silent for a moment, before asking, "So you want to move in here?
You want to live with me?"

"More than anything."  I confirmed.

"You know you'll have to fuck me, like, all the time?"

I laughed.  "I think I can live with that."

Abe pulled away from me, my dick falling free of his sweet ass.  "Roll
back."  I obeyed, watching this beautiful man - MY beautiful man - get to
his knees and straddle me.  He positioned my dick at his ass and sat back
on it, the sensation so different from this angle.  Abe's fingers ran up
and down my chest and stomach.  "God, it'll be so great to have you here."

I rubbed his thighs as he began riding me, slow and smooth.  "I know it
will."  I agreed.  "Oh, fuck fuck fuck!  You're so good, Abey!"

Abe laughed.  "You're pretty great yourself, Matty.  I can't believe this
meat you're packing - it's fantastic!"

Abe and I must have fucked for hours there on the floor, my cock buried
deep inside him.  I think I came seven times, Abe at least five.  We went
through all the condoms Abe had in the house, and had to stop fucking
because neither of us wanted to brave the snows to get more.  We showered
together until there was no more hot water, and spent another hour on his
bed - on our bed - sucking each other off before falling asleep in each
other's arms.

I moved in the next day, Abe taking me to get the last of my things.  It
only took a couple months before I was legally emancipated from my abusive
mother, and Abe helped me change my last name to match his chosen one.

Now, seven years later, Abe and I finally bought our first house.  Abe got
his doctorate in psychotherapy, and I'm a foreman at a large construction
company.  A couple of our closest friends know our secret, but most
everyone thinks we're simply partners.  And in those seven years, I've
never once even thought about straying.  Abe makes me way too happy to look
anywhere else.