Date: Fri, 19 Jun 2015 14:35:33 -0400
From: BH
Subject: Dad and Me at the Lake House - 14

Shawn looked back at me, panicked. We hadn't talked about my dad at all, or
if my family knew I was gay. So I understood immediately why Shawn got so
nervous. He probably thought the huge, burly man at his door would be upset
to find his son undressed in a stranger's house. Another man's house. Both
of us high. It all seemed to occur to Shawn at the same moment it occurred
to me, because he froze, his nearly naked body hidden behind the door. I
hurried to finish getting dressed, quietly as I could.

"No, man. Sorry," Shawn said, his voice cracking. "It's just me in here."

But Dad didn't buy it. He asked Shawn if we'd been in touch at all. And
Shawn played dumb.

"I don't know. Who's your son? Why would we be?" But it wasn't
convincing. He sounded so guilty.

I looked up, pulling my pants on. Shawn had been hiding completely behind
the door, but I guess he realized that he looked suspicious. That, or he
wanted to make Dad uncomfortable. Because he suddenly let the door swing
open a few inches more, making it clear he was not dressed for company.

"Alright, buddy," I heard Uncle Steve chime in. "Don't fuck with us. We
know he's here." Earlier, Steve had made it sound like him and Shawn were
friendly, but I no longer believed it.

Shawn turned and looked at me, which gave us both away. I shrugged my
shoulders back at him, then buried my face in my hands. Uncle Steve had
clearly told Dad about Shawn, or at least about showing me the driveway the
day before, when Dad was with my aunt. Even so, they didn't "know" I was
there. How could they have if I hadn't told them?

"Are those Kyle's?" Dad said, and I realized Shawn was wearing my
undies. Wet at the fly. I was high enough that I laughed a little. Not loud
enough for Dad or Steve to hear, but enough to feel bad.

But Shawn rallied. He doubled down in our lie. "They sell these at Target,
dude. Now get off my property or I'll call the police." He started to close
the door.

"Kyle," Dad barked over Shawn's shoulder. "Come here. Now!"

I don't know what happened. Maybe I wanted to see Dad's face. Or I wanted
him to know I was okay. I'm not sure. But I appeared behind Shawn, my shirt
and pants on. Afraid to look him in the eyes.

"Go away, Dad," I said defiantly, and when that didn't work, I begged
him. "I'm going nuts over there right now. Just go back to the cabin. Okay?
I'll be back later." But Dad and Steve just stood there, looking helpless
as I felt. "Please!" I said to Steve, hoping he'd be more reasonable.

But Dad looked hurt. Shawn slipped out from between us. I could smell weed
wafting through the door, right into Dad's face. The tension between us
broke for a few seconds, as I gave my father a knowing look. It said:
Shawn's sexy, isn't he? And Dad grinned: good boy, you've done good. Uncle
Steve stepped away from the door, as if he might leave like I asked, and
Dad looked back at him.

"Seriously, Dad. Just go," I said quietly. I didn't want Shawn to hear how
I talked to my father now, my voice baited with intimacy.

"How do you even know this guy?!" Dad snapped. The growl in his voice
startled me. It brought me right back to our fight.

"Same way I knew 'Keith.'"  I wanted there to be a sting when I said
it. Instead, there was regret. And Dad and I both heard it.

Regret for what, though? I wasn't sure.

"Can I meet him, at least?" Dad asked, calm again. Loving. It broke my
heart a little. He sounded like I'd asked him to give me away.

"You just did. Now, go!"

I started to close the door, but Dad held the it open. He wasn't scared of
the police, or of Shawn. He wasn't scared of anything. Except maybe losing
me.

"Hey kid," he called to Shawn. "Is this even your house? Do you know my boy
here is underage? Pot's illegal, last time I checked. Maybe it's me who
should be calling the police."

Shawn was dressed too by the time I turned around. He waved for me to let
my dad and uncle in.

"Look, I don't want any trouble. We're just having some fun. Chill out."

But my dad didn't like being told what to do. He looked Shawn up and down,
sizing him up. And then he reached for me to take his hand. It must have
looked strange, this bull of a man expecting his grown son to hold his
hand. Because Shawn looked at us both like we were crazy.

"He's not a kid," Shawn said. "And neither am I."

It turned me on to see Shawn stand up to my dad like that, despite his
size. The sound of his voice as he defended me made my face flush. I shook
my head at my dad, and he crossed his arms.

"Let's all just take a breath," Uncle Steve said, putting his hand on my
father's shoulder. He stared me deep in the eyes.

I took a breath, as I was told. And felt my pulse in my throat as I watched
Dad do the same.

"You scared me, disappearing like that," Dad said eventually.

"I'm sorry," I said. "But you know why I did. I had to." I felt Shawn's
hand on my shoulder, and smiled at him. "I'm sorry," I told Shawn, too. And
then I apologized to Steve. "I just can't deal right now."

"We've all been there," Steve said, and then I watched as he scanned
Shawn's silhouette.

When I turned back to face my father, he had a far off look in his eye. I
followed his gaze across the room, to the window. And then through the huge
window to what had caught his eye at the lake's edge.

"Is that YOURS?" Dad asked Shawn, still staring at the fancy white and
black boat docked on their property. I know almost nothing about boats, but
my dad is obsessed. As long as I can remember, he's dreamt of living on a
house boat. He's at home on the water like no one else I know.

"Well, it's my family's, yeah," Shawn told him. He seemed pleased to have
the subject changed. And I could tell there was pride in his voice. "Do you
want to have a look?"

"Fuck yes," Dad said. And then he finally caught my eye again. And as he
did, he seemed to remember himself and our disagreement. But as he gripped
my shoulders he gave me a little wink. "I don't like fighting with you," he
said. "Let's just try to have a good time."

I nodded. I didn't like fighting with him either. It reminded me of when
him and my mother used to fight when I was little, before their marriage
went fully sour and they both became so entrenched in their positions that
neither would speak to the other. Sometimes when Dad growled at me, it was
sexy. He was an alpha man, and his dominance was exhilarating to say the
least. But fighting with him then, it was like I was my mom in his eyes. I
didn't want to feel like it was the beginning of the end of us, too. I
wanted it to feel like passion had simply gotten the better of us both,
overflowed out of control. And that once we both calmed down, it would be
back to how it was the nights before. I wanted him to look at me with love
and lust. But most of all, I wanted to trust him.

I softened my gaze as he gave me a little wink. I wanted him to see love in
my eyes, and not the strange mix of emotions I was still feeling.

"Yeah," I said simply. And he didn't break eye contact until he was
convinced that I was ready to enjoy myself. He looked to Shawn, who was
unlocking a sliding glass door, paying no attention. And with no one
watching, Dad kissed my cheek, then neck, nuzzling his scruff into me like
I liked.

"Stop," I said, though I could have let him do it forever.

"Come on, you two," Steve said, clearly amused by the line we were walking,
misbehaving in front of this young stranger. I didn't tell them what I was
thinking, that Shawn might be more into it than either of them
thought. Instead, I adjusted my plump dick and followed my dad and uncle
outside.

"Is that a Bayliner?!" Dad said, as he caught up with Shawn. I wasn't
surprised he knew the brand. Shawn smiled and nodded. The boat looked like
a yacht, but smaller. Shawn described it as an overnighter, and then listed
some of its luxury features. Dad actually corrected him at times. He wasn't
rude about it, but he wasn't shy either. He knew the model inside and out
already. But from the look in Dad's eyes, he'd never seen one in person.

"You're a lucky boy," Dad said. And I couldn't help but hear that he was
using his seductive voice. Shawn must have heard it too, because he looked
at me, a strange expression spreading on his face. I half expected Shawn to
correct my father, to tell him that he wasn't a boy and that he wasn't
lucky. There was something dark about Shawn, a sadness he had yet to
explain. But he didn't say anything. He just grinned at me, lost in his own
thoughts.

"You're in heaven, aren't you?" Steve said to my dad. He patted him on the
back affectionately as Dad stood on his tiptoes to look into one of the
boat's porthole-like windows. "You know, I've been thinking about getting
one of these," Steve said, and Dad laughed. "Really, I have been."

"You'd have to sell the cabin first," Dad said. "And even then you couldn't
afford it." Steve slapped Dad on the back where he'd just been patting
him. He seemed embarrassed that Dad would say it in front of Shawn. But we
all knew it was true. As handsome as Steve was, he didn't exactly look
well-off. At the moment, he was wearing unfashionable beige cargo shorts,
which were fraying above the knees, and a sleeveless basketball
jersey. Don't get me wrong. He looked hot, his hairy upper arms tan and
muscular from working outdoors. But something tells me the type of men who
could afford a boat like Shawn's weren't doing their own yard work.

"You're right," Steve said. "I'd have to sell the house and keep the
cabin. Jenny would kill me."

"I thought you two were getting a divorce," I said. And all three of them
looked at me. I think Steve understood that I was saying it more for
Shawn's benefit than anything else. After all, he was kind enough to show
us around. The least we could do was share a little about ourselves with
him to build trust.

"We are," Steve said. "But we talked about it. And I think we're gonna keep
living together for the time being. For the kids' sake."

"You mean, you're not going to tell them?!"

Dad scolded me, as if it wasn't my place to question my uncle's
decision. Which I guess it wasn't. But Steve and I had gotten so close,
been so intimate, that I had half forgotten he was my uncle. And that I was
a kid to them, not an equal.

"Whatever," I said, rolling my eyes. Shawn picked up on my aggravation, and
changed the subject again.

"I wish I could take you out on the lake, guys, but I can't," he said. "I'm
not insured, and if anything happened, I'd be a dead man."

The same sad look I'd noticed moments before took over Shawn's face again,
as if a dark cloud had appeared above only him. I grinned back at him
knowingly, wanting him to know he didn't have to hide anything from me. And
from the look on his face, he appreciated it. And then the warm affection
in our gaze turned gradually into lust as he stared back at me. My eyes
trailed over his lanky body, remembering my head in his lap as he had
stroked my earlobe. I wanted to be alone with him again, to hear his deep
voice whisper in my ear how sexy I was, and how much he wanted me to stay
the night.

"I hope you're not too disappointed," Shawn said to my father. But he was
still looking at me. Searching my face, as if his imagination was running
wild.

"It's cool, bro," I said, hoping Shawn would get it. A little smile
appeared on his lips, and I knew the reference wasn't lost on him.

"Think we could see inside, at least?" Dad said. Part of me wanted to snap
at him then the way he had with me. Who did he think he was? Shawn didn't
know him. He barely knew me. If he wanted to show us the inside, he would
have offered. But I knew better than to pick a fight again. And part of me
hoped that once Dad was satisfied, he would leave. And Shawn and I could
get back to the couch, back to our role play.

"I guess I could do that," Shawn said, but he seemed to be studying my face
as if he were following my lead. "Let me go get the keys," he said. And as
he passed me on the dock, he kissed my cheek sweetly, right in front of Dad
and Steve. They waited until he was inside to tease me about it.

"He's cute," Steve said. "Are you gonna share?"

"No," I said. "He's all mine."

"We'll see about that," Dad said. And before I could argue, Shawn was
jogging down the steps from the house back toward the dock.

"Don't," I begged Dad quietly. It was all I could get out before Shawn was
back in earshot.

My heart started to race. I was still pretty high and feeling
paranoid. What was Dad going to do?! I was afraid that if he made a pass at
Shawn, it could freak him out. What if he wasn't interested in me after
that? What if he didn't ever want to see me again? I shook my head at Dad,
mouthing for him not to ruin it for me. But Dad chuckled to himself, like
it was all a game to him.

Shawn climbed up a ladder onto the back of the boat, and then unlocked
it. Before I knew it, all four of us were cramming through the small
doorway for a tour. Shawn turned the lights on, and every surface gleamed
as if the boat were brand new. There was a sink inside, and a tiny stove
top! A small table and padded benches with two small beds behind, up at the
front of the boat. The space formed a large triangle, so that the large
pillows at the head of the two beds nearly touched.

Once, I'd been in a friend's family's pop-up camper. The inside of the boat
was similar in size, though far nicer. Dad's face was hilarious. He looked
like a kid, his eyes full of wonder as he noticed every detail.

"The bathroom sink converts into a shower," I heard Shawn explain. And
before I understood what was happening Dad was sliding past me, crotch to
crotch, reaching for a door behind me near the entrance. I huffed at Dad's
impatience, shoving myself against the kitchen shelves to make room for him
to pass. Once he was inside, I pushed up next to Shawn.

"It sleeps four, but as you can see it's a little cramped when more than
two are inside." Shawn gave me another knowing look, and I took it to mean
he was tiring of the adults' company. But he didn't let on with them,
seeming patient as ever.

"I only see the two beds," Steve said. "How does it sleep four?"

"The booth," Dad answered from the bathroom, and Steve and I looked at each
other, confused.

"That doesn't look very comfy," I said, trying to imagine sleeping curled
up in the small vinyl booth seat.

"You're high," Dad called back, as if making fun of me.

"It converts into a twin bed," Shawn said, laughing, agreeing with my
dad. "The table drops down, and... It's actually pretty comfortable."

"Can I see?" Steve asked, like he was teasing. He winked at me, and I shot
him an uneasy look. "What?" He said. "Don't you want to see if all four of
us grown men can really fit in the beds?"

"Not particularly," I said, watching Shawn for a reaction.

"We'd fit," he said. And then he winked at Steve. I blushed, unsure what to
say or do. And then I remembered that I'd told Shawn I thought my uncle was
hot. And that he'd gotten excited by the fact that I'd talked about my
uncle that way.

"I'll take your word for it," I said. But my voice cracked, and I blushed
even harder.

"You guys are adorable," Shawn said, and I remembered he was stoned too. It
took me a second to hear him right. What did he mean by that? Had he picked
up on the sexual tension between us all? Or did he think it was cute, our
bickering? I looked at Steve, and he was blushing too. Dad appeared behind
me, and gripped my shoulders as he pressed into me. There was a long
silence, as the four of us stood there, smiling at one another.

"Where are your parents?" Dad asked. And it did more than break the
silence. It broke the mood. Shawn's expression soured again, and this time
we all saw it. Steve cleared his throat, and made a joke about us all
sleeping over in the boat that night.

"This is my grandmother's place," Shawn explained. "It's my parents' boat,
but they don't live here." He asked Steve to lend him a hand and within a
minute the table and seating was converted into a reasonably spacious
bed. Big enough for two. Shawn kicked his sandals off and climbed up onto
it, and then further, into one of the single beds. Steve followed his lead,
removing his shoes. And then he climbed up into the other single, laying
with his arm under his bearded face. Dad and I followed behind them, laying
in the twin, side by side.

"See," Shawn said. "It's doable."

"Totally doable," Steve echoed, but it was clear from the tone in his voice
what he was thinking.

"What a life," Dad said. And then there was another long silence, as no one
seemed to know what to say.

"How often do you sleep out on the water?" Dad asked, barely hiding his
jealousy as he craned his neck to moon at Shawn.

"Not as often as you'd think," Shawn confessed. "Less and less," he said,
as if it were painful to say.

"If you were my boy, we'd be out on the water every night," Dad said, and I
elbowed him lightly in the ribs. "What? It's true!" He shot me a look like
he didn't mean it to sound sexual, but it did. At least, it did to me.

"Well, my father and I haven't been getting along lately," Shawn confessed
with a sigh. "We're not exactly speaking, actually."

"Aww, I'm sorry to hear that," Steve said. He turned to face Shawn, and the
two exchanged a heartfelt look, their faces a few feet apart at the head of
their respective beds. I rolled over and sat up on my elbows, watching
them.

"I'm sorry, too," Dad said, as if he were embarrassed that he'd brought it
up.

"It's okay. It's nice to say out loud." Shawn shrugged, and I realized
suddenly that he wasn't alone in the house by choice. I thought of the
state of his living room, and how he'd been having a movie marathon. What
seemed like casual alone time suddenly seemed desperately lonely. How long
had he been camping out in the house like that?

I felt Dad's hand on my back, and rolled over again to face him. I hated
the idea of Dad not speaking to me. Of the two of us feeling estranged. All
it took was a few moments of imagining what Shawn must be feeling for all
of the drama I had with Dad to shrink in my heart a little, making room for
love again. He looked from Shawn to me, rubbing my side sweetly. He didn't
have to say anything, I could feel it in the pulse of his warm hand over my
ribcage. He started to pull me toward him, then stopped himself.

"You can talk about it if you want," Steve urged. But Shawn muttered that
he'd rather not. He came to the lake to have fun, and that's what he
intended to do. I closed my eyes and let myself feel at peace, the gentle
rocking of the boat in the water making me feel dreamy and at ease.

After a few seconds, Shawn let out a loud sigh. "Fuck it," he said. And we
all looked at him. "Who wants to take this puppy for a spin?"

"I don't know if we should," Steve said. He looked at my Dad. But it was
clear from the wide-eyed expression on my father's face that he wasn't
about to argue.

"What's the worst that can happen?" Shawn said. But then he quickly
corrected himself. "We'll be careful, right?"

"I don't want to get you in trouble," I said. But Shawn explained that he
was already in trouble. I didn't want to say the real reason I was
hesitant. That I wanted Shawn alone, all to myself, and right then. Seeing
the earnest excitement on Shawn's face, I didn't want to argue. If it was
going to make him happy, I would go along with it. Just like he said, what
was the worst that could happen?