Date: Wed, 9 Apr 2008 12:24:57 -0400
From: Blonde Blue eyes <blondeblueeyes@gmail.com>
Subject: Do opposites attract or repel?

     I suppose that is a matter of opinion.  The old saying
is that they attract - but how far should an attraction
really go?  Rather difficult to decipher especially when it
not only a mental, but physical, no an extremely mental and
physical attraction to someone whom is definitely your
opposite but isn't necessarily attracted to you.  But before
I get into all of that I guess I should introduce myself
first.  My name is Ben, I am the youngest of three kids, my
sister Jessica (the oldest) my brother Matthew the middle
kid and me Ben the youngest.  However, the first of many
wrenches is that Matt and I are fraternal twins, he got
popped out first, and then me 10 minutes later, and the
funny thing is, if you didn't know, you really would think
that we were completely different ages, and aside from a few
physical features, not even related.

     Our parent's were 2 very different looking people.  My
mother, an average height of 5'9", blonde haired, blue eyed
woman, and my father a 6'4", hairy, muscular, man with dark
brown hair,  and light brown eyes.  So when you look at the
3 children together, my sister carbon copy of my mother 5'8,
blonde blue, my brother Matt a carbon copy of my father 6'5,
muscle, brown, brown and hairy, and there's me, the hybrid
of the 2 - 5'11",  dirty blonde hair, and green eyes. You
would almost think that I was made in a petrey dish.  Oh and
the ages, my sister 25, and my brother and I 18.  But these
descriptions and ages are all current, my issues as you can
imagine all start many years ago.

     Let's see, so early family life, from what I can
remember and the many stories I have been told over the
years, is that we were a very normal suburban family -
whatever `normal' was.  As toddlers my brother and I always
shared a room, and my sister of course had her own room.
And just like any other set of twins, whether identical or
fraternal my parents dressed Matt and I up in the same
clothes, got us the same toys, the same everything.  Though
the funny thing about it was that I never opened any of the
toys that I got, all I ever wanted to do was play with
Matt's things, which of course at that time didn't occur or
have any meaning to me, I just liked playing with his
things, especially when he was playing with them.  But again
the one difference was, I never fought him for them, I'd
rather sit and watch him play with them, until he was done,
and then play with them myself rather than play with my own.
And I never fought him for them, never saw any reason. My
parents used to often boast that they had 2 of the most
cooperative children and we played better together than
anyone else, we never fought over things, well actually I
never fought over them, he didn't have to - they were his
toys.  And just like sharing all the toys, we shared the
same room, at first while living in a smaller house we had
bunk-beds because the room was too small to have 2 beds on
the ground, which personally I loved. It made my life so
much easier to be as close as I could get to Matt as
possible- but again at that time I had no idea what it
meant, I just wanted to be near him, at night he would get
into bed first, since he had the bottom bunk, and I always
liked crawling in with him before I went up to my own, and
he never pushed me out ever.  He actually always used to
fall asleep first, and if not for my parents, coming in and
saying `Awe look, how cute is that, they are sleeping in the
same bed next to each other just like they did in the play
pen, now get in your own bed' I'd have stayed there all
night.  But even with them throwing me back into my own bed,
if anything ever scared me, I was down in Matt's bed in 2
seconds flat.  But that bubble too, was finally burst,
since when we turned 10, our parents finally sold the
apartment and moved into a bigger one, where everyone got to
have their own room, and my sister even got her own
bathroom, and Matt and I had to share an adjoining one-
which at first excited me and then depressed me, and then
made me nuts.

     But 10 years old going on 11, that's when everything
finally started to change in me, and I guess in Matt too.
My body was changing, my mind was changing, and while I did
not often get to see Matt's body, I knew his was too. While
I paid careful attention to mine, I paid even more attention
to his.  I noticed that we both got taller, our voices got
deeper, although his much more than mine.  His hair got even
darker than it was; mine more or less stayed the same.  The
funny thing about it was that even though we were the same
exact age, every thing seemed to happen to him first, and
while I was initially jealous of it, I think I was more
envious, because really all I ever wanted was to be like
him. But of course at that point I still had absolutely no
idea what that meant or what repercussions it would have in
future - no clue at all.

     When I, or well we turned 12, that's when my roller
coaster ride really started. After 12 years of doing
everything together, Matt and I started to `separate' to
some degree - and got to a point of just being `brothers'
now, that bond of `twin-ship' slowly disappeared.  Mind you,
its not as if communication ceased altogether, we were still
like best friends, and talked all the time, but the
conversations were different, more of `how was your day,
etc. Not like it used to be when we shared absolutely
everything. And also the physical changes started - my dick
was hard every 30 seconds, I started to get little hairs
under my arms, and around my dick, but not an ounce on my
chest, or even on my face.  Matt on the other hand, by 12
years old, had quite a bit of dark hair on his chest and
under his arms, and I'm sure plenty around his dick too.  In
school they were finally teaching us about sex, and what the
changes in our body meant, and the different attractions,
and feelings that were occurring in me at this time.

     As all of these things were occurring, gym class
initially was my favorite time of the day, I got to see all
of the other guys naked and what they looked like, and
finally in our freshman year of high school, Matt and I
ended up in the same gym class, and I finally got to see
what Matt looked like naked.  Seeing that was like being hit
in the head with a lead pipe. Matt was the most incredible
looking being on the earth, his body was filling out, his
arms were getting bigger, he had a beautiful coating of
brown hair on his chest, and a dick that one could only
dream to have.  But what I did not understand was why when I
saw him and at that point any other guy, I got hard why was
I `attracted' to guys?  In sex education, they taught that
the attractions were supposed to be to the opposite sex, not
the same.  But truthfully when I looked at girls nothing
stirred in me, not a muscle, not a thought nothing.  But
move my glance to a guy, and boom, heart started to beat,
and dick hard in 2 seconds.  I felt weird, like something
was wrong with me.  But I couldn't talk to anyone about it,
I wanted to run to Matt, but how could I do that, all he was
ever talking about was girls, and from the buzz around
school it was just the other way around as well, all the
girls were talking about him.  Of course that made perfect
sense, he was turning into an Adonis - at least in my eyes
he was.  He played sports, was good at all of them, and he
was smart, no really smart.  Me on the other hand, sports,
not a chance, smart, OK that I will admit to, I was a book
worm - not that I really needed to be, academics came very
easily to me, more often than not I was bored in class
because it was all just too easy.  But again another
difference, there were no girls talking about me, and I
wasn't talking about them.  Truth be told, I wasn't talking
about anyone. Thinking about people, yes, I thought about
guys, lots of them.

     So finally I decided to figure out what was wrong with
me, without actually asking anyone.  Hooray for the
internet!  Went to `Ask jeeves.com' and typed in what it
means when a boy likes another boy.  And then I figured out
what it all meant, I was gay.  And as I continued to read
the different definitions and what they all meant, I
realized and started to feel like a freak, I was a fag, gay
boy, homo , and any of the other hundreds of adjectives used
to describe someone who likes boys.  And as I continued to
read, I found all these reports and articles on what has
happened to gay people in the past, and how they have been
ridiculed and to a point tortured just because they like
other guys, and it did not conform to the societal `norm'.
But on the same token, there were just as many sites and
story's on how being gay is a natural phenomenon, and there
is absolutely nothing wrong with it.  So there was no doubt
about it I was gay.  And quite honestly, that fact really
did not bother me.  I am gay, it's who I am, and there's no
way of changing that.  The problem was, not me accepting it,
but being accepted by everyone else.
     The guys in high school were cruel, about gay's there
was no question there, anyone who was bad at something, or
didn't know something was considered a fag, and was
ostracized, period.  But in all honesty I didn't really have
a problem with that either, because from my own doing, I had
already more or less ostracized myself from everyone else.
I went to school, did what I had to, and left, I did not
want to be on any one's `radar' whether it be peers or
teachers.  I just wanted to go in do I what I had to, and
leave, nothing more.  But leaving all that aside for the
moment, what I realized even more so, was not only was I
attracted to guys, I had a stronger attraction, to someone
who I should not have this type of attraction to in any
which way, gay or not.  But no matter how I fought it, or
tried to disprove it, it was impossible.  There was one man
in the world that I was attracted too - no that doesn't say
enough, that I was hopelessly head over heals in love with,
my brother Matt.  And the biggest joke about that was -
there was no way on earth I could have him.  Forget about
the fact that he'd hate me enough for being gay, but to even
fathom what he would think if he found out that not only was
his brother gay, but desired an incestuous relationship with
him.  I mean, Matt was the pinnacle of what a high school
jock should be, absolutely beautiful, with his height,
muscle, killer smile, and brains to boot, it was fairly
obvious that by senior year he would be the valedictorian
just like our sister was.  And then there was me, the sick
closeted gay boy who was in love with his brother, could
anything be worse?

     But the funny thing in the midst of all this, was the
fact that for whatever reason, even though I sucked in gym
and no one ever wanted me to play with them, or that I did
not do any extra-curricular activities, certainly no sports
- no one ever said a word to me, made fun of me, nothing,
and there were other guys in my grade who were somewhat the
same way, but were truly tortured, and I'm sure they weren't
even gay.  I only found out later that everyone was scared
shitless of Matt, since apparently it was known that if
anything ever happened to me, it was as if someone was
fucking with Matt, so it was never done. And yea I can't say
that Matt never tried to spend time with me, like we used to
- or at least make the effort to fit me in, somewhere in his
busy schedule of dates, practices, and lord knows what else.
He made the effort, and that meant so much to me, and just
at the same token was so damned dangerous for me.  I had now
gotten to a point where thinking about him, I got hard,
hearing him I got hard, seeing him I got rock hard, seeing
and being in his presence almost made me cum.  I mean it was
absolutely ridiculous I was absolutely obsessed with him.

     I now realized that I had to do my best to avoid him at
all costs, I loved him dearly as I know he did me, but for
him to find out that his brother was gay AND in love with
him, would destroy that love as a brother, god only knows
what it would do to his reputation if people found out that
his twin brother was gay - even if they were scared of him
it's still a tarnish there that no one wants.  It really is
an amazing phenomenon, we are twins and yet completely
opposite people.  He's a star athlete, with girls drooling
over him, teachers and colleges wanting him, for his sports
and his brains, and then me, no one is drooling nor trailing
after me, and teachers and colleges, well I suppose had I
let it occur, I would have been able to pull that off too,
but id rather be in the shadows away from everything almost
like a ghost, be there, yet never be seen.

     So I came up with the solution.  There was no way I
could come out to him or anyone else in school, or even my
family for that matter, it would just be destruction of life
and I refused to do that.  So my plan was simple, get
through all of high school, as hidden as possible. Basically
go to school, take tests, and turn in papers and leave.
After school, find a place to go and hide, and stay there as
long as possible, then go home and go to my room jerk off,
cry myself to sleep, and do it all over again the next day.
And I would do this for the duration of high school, get
myself into a college as far away from home as possible and
maybe, just maybe, be able to come out and be who I really
am, maybe actually start a life and find someone that I
could settle down with.  But I actually chuckle at that last
part, there is no one else that I want, the only person I
want, is the one that lives in the room next to me and I
can't have him, so I come to the realization that I will be
alone and celibate for a very long time to come.  But even
that, after a while did not seem so daunting, I mean there
are hundreds of thousands of people that go single for their
entire life, I don't know about celibate but at least
single.  And at least while it is detrimental in a way, at
least I have a fantasy to fill my nights with.

     While all this planning of mine was going on, and being
implemented at that, things were going smoothly at least to
a degree, I was becoming more and more invisible, then
again, I was really never that visible to begin with, I had
my acquaintances, I dealt with those that needed to be dealt
with and that was it.  And I also sat back and watched as my
twin - yet complete opposite brother, excel throughout high
school, become captain of the track team, and wrestling team
(how the 2 coincided, I will never understand) and in the
midst of all that still managed to be on the track to be
valedictorian AND have a laundry list of women following and
drooling over him, all of which he very easily kept in check
and I'm sure managed to fuck every one of them without any
of the other's knowing.  Admittedly I could have been in the
race of valedictorian or salutatorian, but to do that would
put me back in the spot light, exactly where I did not want
to be.  And yet again, amongst all of this, my brother still
again managed to attempt to make time for me, just like he
did throughout our childhood. Except now it was different,
now I had to push back had to say no to every one of his
attempts to spend time with me, to let that occur, could
truly be grounds for disaster on both parts, mine because he
would find out and hate me for both things, and his, because
his own reputation would be ruined with people knowing he
had a twin brother who was a queer.  Nope that was never
going to happen and I was going to make sure of that.

     And now, we come to the next part of life that I hate,
holidays, and every one of them.  From Christmas, to New
Years, to Birthdays to the most hated one of all (at least
to me) Valentines Day.  I have to say, if I ever get my
hands on Cupid, I hope he has a spare heart around because
I'd wring out the first one until there was nothing left.
Well truthfully Christmas isn't so bad, the only drag and
thrill at the same time was being around Matt.  It was
finally after we turned 13 that we started getting different
presents, instead of the same exact thing.  He got action
figures and toys; I got books and other things, but granted
that's what I wanted.  Even as I got older I never asked for
much just stuff like that, helped to keep me busy. When I
turned 15 I actually asked for a saxophone - yes in giving
one's self time alone its amazing what you can accomplish, I
taught myself how to play the sax - I always loved jazz
music, was one of the things that I listened to in my room
or when I was out taking one of my `long walks'. Was rather
funny actually when I asked for it, everyone looked at me as
if I was a green monster in the room, and I had to finally
tell people yes I can play the sax.  And I borrowed one from
the school and brought it home to play for everyone - was
fantastic to see the shock on all their faces when they
realized I could play.  But it was also a good thing for me
to see that because even then it was proof that I was
keeping myself under the radar.  But I guess now that secret
was out, so whatever. But any of the songs I played were
always dedicated to one person, and if you listened to the
notes closely enough you would understand how and why I
played that song.

     But there was that one holiday that from the time I
understood what valentines meant that I hated.  I never had
a valentine, except my brother and my sister every once in a
while when they gave out those little fake valentines you
got from the store. But that was about it.  But granted it
made sense, I never had a date, never wanted one either, I
had no need for them, they were fruitless activities,
nothing would ever come of it, other than my own
disappointment since 1, a girl was never interested me, 2,
to say that you wanted a boy for a valentines was a big no,
no, and 3, to say I wanted my valentine to be Matt, well we
all know the repercussions to that.  However, with all that
said - there was still one problem in that equation, every
year, for the past 3, freshman, sophomore and junior year's
of high school, someone has left me 1 single orchid (my
favorite flower) and a simple note that said `I love you'.
Now this is something that has driven me insane every single
year, because I have never been able to figure it out who
the fuck it was from especially since to my knowledge
absolutely no one knew that I liked flowers, especially that
one, the only place that was ever stated was in my music.
And each year the flower popped up in a different place, the
first year it happened it was taped to my locker door in,
and the note was type written and all it said was `I love
you'.  Thankfully I got in early that day and was able to
grab it before anyone saw it.  This confused me far beyond
anything; I drilled my brain about it, but never came up
with an answer and finally gave up.   The second time, I
found one taped to the back of my school book bag which was
hanging on my locker which was on a different side of school
this year- and it had the same type written note.  And I'm
sure that people saw it, it was hard not to spot a long
stemmed purple orchid, yet no one ever said a word to me
about it.  But now, I started to worry because this was in a
public place, and again to my knowledge no one knew that I
liked orchids.  And why in god's name would someone want to
do that?  Again I drilled my head about it and could come up
with nothing, and after a while I gave up again, and said to
myself why try.  The 3rd year in a row, valentines day
rolled around again and there was the same colored orchid
with the same type written note on the windshield of my car
in the student parking lot.  This time I was infuriated.
Because it was becoming ridiculous already torture, but on
the same token I realized that someone knew the real deal
about me, that I was gay, and I realized now I'm in trouble,
I'm in high school and someone, I have no idea who or how,
but someone knows I'm gay.  I considered saying something to
Matt about it but decided against it because that would only
raise more suspicion about what was going on, and why was I
receiving valentines, especially since I wasn't dating
anyone, never had been nor would I be, so it wouldn't be
coming from that person.  Maybe they would think I was nuts
and giving one to myself - then again that wasn't such a bad
alibi, I never had a valentine so I decided to be my own.
     But now coming up to my senior year of high school, its
February, I was on the home stretch of finally getting out
of this hell hole, I had finally gotten accepted to a
college 3000 miles away on the other side of the country as
far away as I could possibly get from here, and one that I
read that had a large gay community, in addition Matt, had
received noticed that he got into Harvard which is on this
side of the country so it was perfect. In addition to the
fact that everyone else in the family and school was more
concentrated on him (as usual, but again just the way I
liked it). Everything was finally going to come into its
own.  AND this year finally, I did not get an orchid.  I
didn't have to drive myself nuts over it, who ever it was
finally gave up - I was thankful, happy, relieved.

     So I did my yearly pilgrimage, well daily really, (but
for whatever reason it was some what more important today)
to the one secluded bench in a dark spot along the East
River under the FDR drive, and just stared into the river,
and watched the chunks of ice float by.  Although I will
admit this year, it was definitely colder than the past few
had been, and I shivered, something I hadn't done since the
first time I sat here on a winter day. But I suppose it
could also be that I had much more to contemplate this year.
The fact that I was so torn, on so many issues, my plans,
had actually worked out the way I intended them too.  I more
or less became invisible over the past 4 years.  I did what
I was supposed to, I went to school, did my work, I went to
my seclusion areas, such as here, took my walks every day,
learned to play the sax and the piano, listened to music,
and prepared myself to maybe, just maybe, restart life as I
knew it 3000 miles away, without having to live in the
shadows anymore, not having to hide from people or realities
anymore.

     I also succeeded in keeping myself as far away from my
brother as possible.  And as much as that hurt, good god did
it hurt, I had convinced myself that it was the right thing
to do. It protected his image as a star student and athlete,
and protected me from having him hate me, or being found
out.  But on the same token I think that it hurt him, and
that was the last thing I ever wanted to do, every time I
said no to spending time with him or doing anything with
him, I could see hurt in his beautiful eyes.  And I felt so
miserable over that, and I knew that these following 4
months were probably the last 4 months that I would spend
with him, in as close proximity as we were forever since,
what no one knew yet was that as soon as I graduated in June
I was headed out to travel for 2 months in Europe before
school started, so maybe I'd be able to even start life a
little earlier.
     Although, today, for whatever reason, even my thoughts
were `colder', the thought that I'd never really be around
Matt again hurt, the thought that Matt would eventually get
married and have kids, hurt more, what hurt the most though?
The fact that as brilliant as I thought my plan was, and as
brilliantly as it succeeded the way I wanted it to, it also
destroyed every chance I had to spend time with him, and
grab those last minutes that I might have with him.  It was
that good old catch 22, where I'm damned if I do and damned
if I don't.  And then after that, I started to cry and
realized what the fuck was the point, either way I was going
to be miserable, there really was never going to be anyone
else. No one could ever take the place of Matt, no one would
ever meet those standards, why I even thought I'd be able to
do something like that I have no idea.  Now you see why I
hated this holiday.  But again, time to pull myself
together, it was time to get up and go back home, I was
cold, and my tears were frozen.  And as I finally opened my
eyes to get up and walk, and as I looked down at the ground,
on my lap lay a type written note `I love you'.  It scared
the shit out of me. I never felt it put on me, I never heard
any foot steps around me. How long had it been there? Who
followed me, now I was worried. Someone knew me, had
followed me here, as if I was being stalked.  My head shot
up, and I looked in front of me saw no one, to the right of
me, saw no one, turn around looked backwards, no one, and
then turned left, and sitting next to me on the bench with a
purple orchid in hand was Matt.

     I sat there absolutely dumbfounded.  I could not speak,
and even if I could, I had no idea what to say.  All I did
was sit there and stare at him.  He slid over a little more
and out of a bag pulled out a blanket and wrapped it around
me, asked me if it was any better, and then got down on one
knee, held up the flower, and looked into my eyes and asked,
     "Will you be my Valentine?"  And all I did was cry.  I
had to slap myself, and he looked at me so puzzled, and I
just said,

     "I had to make sure that I was awake and not dreaming."

     He came up directly in my face and whispered to me, "No
Ben, you aren't dreaming, I love you, and I'm tired of being
pushed away, tired of watching you sit on the sidelines,
tired of listening to you cry at night, tired of having to
sit and listen to you play from afar rather than next to
you, tired of watching you sit on this bench every night
alone, and most of all tired of wasting time." I started to
say something, but he put his hand over my mouth and
continued, `for the past 5 years, you have continuously and
progressively pushed everyone away, retreated into your
little corner of the world, hiding everything about you,
that you were afraid might hurt you.  You have hidden the
fact that you are academically brilliant, and denied
yourself the privileges of that, you have hidden the fact
that you have an ability to play an instrument 2 for that
matter-and kept yourself out all of the possibilities that
could have afforded you. What I can't understand is why? Why
hide all of this, why deny yourself so much?'

     And I just looked at him, and simply said, "Because, I
was too afraid of what you would think of me, and too afraid
of what might happen to you if word got out."

     And he asked me "about what??"

     And again then the tears started, "about the fact that
you had a twin brother who was gay"
     And all he did was simply laugh, and just said, "Do you
really think that anyone would fuck with me and or you?
Whether they know or not?" And I suppose he was right there,
you would have to be a moron to do that, or have a wish for
a free trip to a plastic surgeon without the need for
anesthesia.

     And I continued, "OK so no one cares that I'm gay, you
don't care, wonderful fantastic, but what you think about
the fact that I'm gay and in love with you, and want to have
sex with you?"  And it was there that I got the unexpected
response of

     "I think that you should have realized, we may be
fraternal twins, but still grew in same womb, still lived in
the same room, half the time in the same bed, that I know
you a lot better than you think, and that you should have
realized that I love you just as much as you do me, and also
that you shouldn't be afraid to tell me things, didn't we
make that pact years ago that we share everything?"

     And I asked him again, "but how did you know?, I didn't
even know back then, at least about being in love with you,
gay and attracted to guys, yea I knew that very early on,
but in love with you didn't hit until a few years ago."

     And he looked at me deep into my eyes and said it "well
it would have been nice to know a few years ago." And I just
looked at him again, with a puzzled and confused look, and
then just finally asked, how he figured it out, and he said,

     "Well, I wasn't sure at first, I was hoping for sure,
but I didn't figure it out, until after I listened to you
play the sax, and the piano for a while and listen to what
you were playing, and then well, I'll admit I snuck a few
looks at your computer and the music you were writing, or
rewriting for that matter, and there it was plain as day
-for matt- Ella's `At Last'- that made me cry. And that's
when I realized what you were doing."

     So I looked at the flower, and the back at him, and I
asked him if he really loved me, and if he really understood
what I was feeling, he smiled gently caressed my face, wiped
off a few of the frozen tears, held the side of my face and
leaned in and gently kissed me on the mouth, sat back and
said

     "Yes I do," and gave me one of his million dollar
smiles, and then said to me, `you know you never answered my
question of whether or not you would be my valentine.'

     I just smiled back held on to him and the orchid and
simply said "Yes."

     Of course being who I am, a million other things popped
into my mind, and that moment of bliss suddenly burst again,
and I sat up and asked him,

     "so what is it that you plan on doing now with all the
women that you have been screwing around with, and don't
tell me that you haven't had sex with any of them because
I'll know that's an out right lie, and, are you going to
want to keep that image of mister star jock and mister
popular? I mean I can't blame you if you do, but it's going
to be hard for me, but I would never stop you or ask you to
either."

     "Ben, I just told you that I love you, and that I think
we wasted a lot of time, do you really think I'm going to go
back to screwing around with the girls?  I mean honestly do
you have any idea how difficult it is to have sex with a
woman trying to picture your face on them?  I can assure
you, it's not easy. So in answer to your question, no I have
no intentions of going back to them or anyone else. I'm with
you and that's it. What about you? I'm sure you've played
around with your share of guys, you going to keep doing
that?"

And I had to look down on that one, and I quietly said,
"Matt, I have nothing to keep doing, I've done nothing to
begin with." And looked away embarrassed.  He took my chin
and forced it up to look at him.

     "You're still a virgin?" and I just nodded my head and
then he asked a dumb question, "But why? You are beautiful,
and could have anyone you wanted."

     "No, I doubt that, but even if that had been the case,
none of them would have been you, so it wouldn't have
mattered, up until an hour ago, I was fairly convinced that
I was going to be alone and celibate for the rest of my life
and you would have gone off and gotten married had kids and
that would have been it, don't you realize that there never
was going to be anyone else?  It was either you or nothing."
And he just looked at me and said "I had no idea you were
keeping yourself completely for me"

     And I just replied "well now you know."  He smiled and
nodded, and then I asked if we could go home, and we got up
and walked back to the apartment together, me in tears, and
he holding on to me - and I looked up at him, said "I love
you" and he smiled and looked at me with those deep brown
eyes, kissed me again told me that he loved me too, and led
me by the hand home to and into his bedroom.

     He sat down on the bed next to me started to kiss, and
slowly undress me, exploring every inch of my body but every
few minutes coming up to kiss me, and tell me that he loves
me, and was sorry for waiting and hurting me.  And after
that statement I stopped him and pulled him up to my face
and very quietly said to him "never say you are sorry, there
is nothing to be sorry for, whatever happened, it happened
in the past, its now time to make up for lost time, and plan
out the rest of our lives together."

     And he responded, "Ok, but before we do that, I need to
make love to you, need to be a part of you, I want to be
inside you, be connected to you as much as physically
possible."

     I was certainly not one to deny that to him, so I
kissed him, and he went back down kissing every bit of me,
and then made it to my hole, and I felt a feeling of ecstasy
that I never knew existed, the amount of emotions and
sensations that ran through my body are indescribable.  He
went straight for my hole spent so much time there what
seemed like hours licking and probing, and then in seconds
shucked his clothes, and in front of me I saw the most
incredible creature.  A man perfectly sculpted, not overly
muscular but certainly a good amount, with a chest covered
in beautiful brown hair, that when he laid on top of me,
felt so warm and soft, it had me to the point that I wanted
to cum there, could have very easily, actually took every
ounce of strength I had to hold it in.  As he was laying on
top of me, he reached over on to his night table and grabbed
a tube of lube and slowly rubbed it all over the entrance of
my hole, and then slowly slipped a finger in, and that in
itself sent me high over another precipice, and if I
concentrated on anything else other than keeping myself from
cumming that would have been it.  As he slowly worked my
hole, he whispered in my ear that he loved me, and he wanted
to be in me, but it might hurt - and I said to him "I don't
care if it rips me apart, there is nothing on the earth that
is going to keep me from having you in me"  Again he smiled,
and finally slowly pressed the head of his dick against my
hole, and that was too much and I just moaned and shot a
load like I never had before in my life, soaking us both in
cum, but that didn't stop him. No, all it did was push him
further in, and after the head popped in, and he slowly
pushed in further and further, I never knew how big he
really was until I felt his pubes against me, and I felt a
sense of fullness that I never knew existed.  He slowly
started to rock back and forth pulling out just a little and
then back in, I was in such ecstasy, it was as if I was on
another planet, I don't think I really came back down to
`earth' until I really felt him start to go faster and
faster, and I opened my eyes and looked at him and his face,
and the sweat dripping off him, and I again saw the most
incredibly beautiful creature that was now my lover, making
love to me, and just as that realization occurred, I saw his
eyes open, his mouth open as he leaned in to kiss me again
before letting out this incredible growl, and I felt him
pulse inside me, and as if I didn't feel full enough before
this was even more.  The look on his face as he shot his cum
inside me, was one that his been burned into my mind forever
- that look of release, ecstasy, euphoria, but most
importantly lust and desire.  And that did it, I shot again,
without ever touching myself or even realizing that I was
hard again, it just exploded.

After he collapsed on top of me, and came down off that
`high', he looked up at me, kissed me again, and then asked
me with a smirk on his face, "So, are you taking me to
Europe with you in June?"  Again I looked at him with a
surprise and he chuckled "babe, you really need to either
figure how to put things away well enough that snooping eyes
wont see, things like plane tickets lying out on your desk."

      I realized at that point, that I could actually be
happy in life, and I didn't have to be 3000 miles away. I
had happiness lying on top of me.  Nothing else in life
mattered at that point anymore.  I didn't care who knew, or
what the repercussions might be from a relationship like
this, all that mattered to me, was the fact that I was
finally with who and what I wanted, and an answer to my
initial question, Yes, opposites really do attract.


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