Date: Sat, 22 May 2010 20:37:59 -0400
From: TAJI <taji.nifty@gmail.com>
Subject: Finding Myself - Discovery

Hi there.  This is my second story posted to the archives; I am trying
something new.  This is not a "cum-and-go", but more of a love novel/saga
involving more emotions than dick sucking.  But fear not, there will be
plenty of dick sucking.

Standard disclaimers apply.

"Finding Myself" - By TAJI.
Chapter One - "Discovery"

I will never forget that night.  The night I fucked my life up worse than I
ever had before.  I let my passion overcome my reason.

I can't say it didn't feel right, though.  All my life I somehow knew that
there was something wrong.  No.  That's not correct.  Something missing.

I grew up in a very religious home.  Breakfast was eaten together, prayers
at every meal, and an expectation to live a pure life and one day marry a
proper religious girl and have a religious family of my own.  I was the
youngest of two brothers and a sister.

My life had always felt whole; God filled whatever doubt I had in the
nature of my life.  That all changed when I got to university.  There, I
was surrounded by an intellectual atmosphere, based on science and
empirical evidence rather than faith and obedience.  Within my first
semester of my formal education, I was a proud atheist.

As soon as God was out of my life, I instantly knew that the hole he had
been filling up to that point was something else.  I ignored it, and
continued to live happily, still on my high of newfound independence and
freedom.

I met Sarah at a party during the second semester of my freshman year.  She
too had been a devout Christian until coming to the university, and we hit
it off based on that initial connection.  We found out we had many things
in common, and we ended up going home together that night.

The next morning, I felt different.  My experience the night before had
been so incredible, I told myself that was what had been missing from my
life.  An intimate, sexual connection to another human.

Somehow though, I knew I was fooling myself.  I just didn't know what it
was.

FAST FORWARD 18 YEARS.

It was feeling like any other day.  I was just finishing a long shift at
the software development firm I worked at.  I was packing up my bag and
getting walking out of my office when a co worker of mine approached.

"Hey, Troy."

"Hi, Alex."

Alex was my oldest friend here, we actually first met at the university and
we both ended up with a job here, though I got mine about 8 months before
him.  He was my closest friend; I didn't have many.  We worked out together
three times a week and every Saturday, and we often went out for a trip to
the bar for a pint or two after work.

"Wanna go out for a drink?  I am exhausted."

"Sounds great.  Just let me check with the Mrs."

I called home.  Sarah picked up on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Hi, sweetheart."

"Are you on your way home yet?"

"Actually, I was just wondering if it was okay if I stayed out for a quick
drink with the guys."

"Of course, dork.  Just remember to get home before midnight; you have to
drive Corey to his swim meet tomorrow."

"Don't worry, I'll be back by ten.  Love you."

"Love you too."

I snapped the cell phone closed and looked up.  Alex was shaking his head
at me with a half grin, but a look of sadness on his face.

"What?" I asked.

He stood there for a moment, holding my eyes.  He was analyzing me again.
Searching my eyes for answers.

"Nothing.  I'll tell you in a bit."

I shrugged my shoulders as I walked out of the office and threw my bag in
my own car and locked it, then walked over to his.  I got in the passenger
seat and we were off.

While we were driving toward downtown, he broke the silence and asked me a
very surprising question.

"Are you happy?"

I froze.  He could see that I knew that I was missing something.

"Yes, of course I am.  I have a great job, a wife, a son I adopted out of
an abusive family that I have made happy again, so yeah, I'm happy."

"That's not what I meant, Troy.  You are married to the most controlling
wife I have ever met.  She watches your every step.  Hell you had to call
her just to go out for drinks."

"Hey.  I just want to keep her happy."

"Exactly.  Isn't it part of her job to make you happy, too?  You know
better than I do that you were pretty much forced into the marriage by her
pregnancy, faked pregnancy, and you can never get out of it because neither
of your parents believe in divorce."

I was silent.  How could I refute that?  He was right of course.  But he
was trying to get at something else.

"When was the last time you had sex with Sarah?"

"Five years ago."

He nodded, seemingly unsurprised.

"Have you ever imagined your life without her?"

"Yes," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

"And you were happier, weren't you?"

"Yes."  I was full of shame.

"One last question.  Have you ever had a sexual fantasy involving another
man?"

I was shocked.  My eyes went wide, my hands gripped the handle of the door.
Was he telepathic?

"H... How did you..."

He nodded.  "I'm in the same boat, only I never married."

I was suddenly worried that he was going to try to make a move on me or
something.  And I was sure that I wasn't ready for that.

"How about we go somewhere else than a bar tonight?"

"What do you mean?"

"You'll see."

I looked out the window, and I realized that we were already downtown.  He
took a turn off of the main hub street, and onto a somewhat dimmer, quieter
side street.  I quickly realized that almost everyone on the sidewalks were
men.

"Alex, where are we?"

"The gay district.  We are coming up to Woody's, the biggest gay dance club
in the city."

"I'm not sure that I am ready for all of this."

"Just trust me.  We only have to go in for 2 minutes.  You'll understand."

I told myself that going into a gay bar wasn't gay, it was just a bar.
It's not like I had to do anything.  He parked nearby, and we walked in.
The music was pounding in my ears, and the heat was almost oppressive.  He
took my hand and pulled me into the centre of the dance floor.

He leaned over and shouted into my ear over the noise in the room.  "Just
go with the music!  Let yourself go!"

I took his advice.  I just let loose.  I felt the atmosphere of everyone on
the dance floor pulling me on, just feeling it all.  I was exhilarated.

"Pull of your shirt!"  Alex was advising me again, and I was surprised to
see that he had already pulled his off.

"Fuck it!"  I ripped my shirt off as fast as I could; it was already
sticking to my back a chest with sweat.  All our working out was paying
off.

Within a few seconds, I felt contact.  At first it was just the
"accidental" brush of a shoulder or an arm.  The men around me soon became
more brazen, and I began to feel hands on my back and sides, moving forward
to my chest.  I didn't even think about stopping them.  It ad been so long
since anyone's hands were on me but my own, and it was almost orgasmic.  I
realized that I had the biggest boner of my life, bigger and harder than
the first time I ever had sex with Sarah.

A younger guy came up to me; I swear he must have just turned 18.  He began
grinding with me, and I was powerless to stop him.  I just went with it.
He turned around so we could be face to face and his hand went down my
pants.

My mouth fell open and my eyes rolled back as his smooth hands felt me,
played with my balls.  He pulled his hand out of my pants and took both of
mine and began pulling me away.  I looked back to Alex, who just nodded and
mouthed "Meet me back here!"

The youth pulled me to a quieter part of the place, away from the speakers
and into a darkened room.  I knew what was happening all round me.  Gay
sex.  He pulled me to a dark corner with a big mat on the floor, and pushed
me down so I was sitting against the wall.  he undid by belt and began to
pull my pants off.  At this point I had given up, so I helped him pull them
the rest of the way off.

He immediately went to work.  Even when we were still having sex, Sarah
refused to engage in oral sex.  I was being blown for the first time in my
life, and it was nearly casing convulsions.  I relaxed, ignoring
everything, just letting him work.  When he felt me approaching climax, he
paused to hold me at the edge of orgasm.

"You are married, aren't you?"

"Yeah."

He shook his head.  "That is so hot.  Want to cum in my mouth?"

"Really?  You'd let me do that?"

"Are you kidding me?"

He wasted no time, and went back to service me.  He went harder and faster
than before.  Then he began to push down on my cock, taking it deeper than
before.  After a few tries, he got all nine inches in his mouth.  I could
feel that my head was in the back of his throat.  He began to try to
swallow, creating a brand new sensation.  He pulled off, and went even
faster, adding his hand to my shaft and stroking me while he blew me.  This
pushed me over the edge, and I felt the most powerful orgasm of my life
bearing down on me.  I felt my legs turn to jelly, and I knew that it was
coming in just few seconds.  Suddenly, he shoved a finger in my ass and
worked it around.  He hit something inside of me, below my balls.  My mind
exploded.

I lost control and I felt every muscle in my body flex at random.  I was
yelling out "FUCK!" over and over again.  Finally, I fell over the edge
into the power of my orgasm.  I began to come, and the kid was true to his
word.  He swallowed every drop of my semen, shoving my cock as deep into
his throat as he could so I could come directly into his throat.

I flopped back against the wall, exhausted.

"Here.  Taste yourself."

He came up to my face and he began to make out with me.  I kissed back just
as hard, feeling and tasting the warmth of my cum in his mouth.

He broke the kiss.  "How was that?"

I was so breathless, I could barely reply.  "The best..."

He smiled.  "Perfect.  Here's my number."

He grabbed my hand and wrote his phone number with a pen from his pocket.

"Let me take you back to your friend."

"Yeah."  I pulled my pants on and he lead me back out of the room to the
dance floor.

Alex was all smiles when he saw me.  "How was it?"

"Kid's a fucking pro."

"Wait until you fuck someone.  You're gonna die."

For some reason, what he said jolted me back to reality.  I was still
married, still had a son.  The guilt of what I had just done crashed back
onto me.

He saw my face, and pulled me close.  "Let's get you home."

As we drove back to my car, I was silent.

"Are you all right?"  He was genuinely concerned for me.

"How am I going to go back to her?  I am a liar now."

"Yes, but you know what is missing from your life now, don't you?"

"Yeah, but how am I supposed to get it?"

"Business trips.  Weekends in Vegas.  Whatever you need to do.  And uh...
If you ever need someone... closer to home..."

I knew where he was going with that.

"Or even just a place to go if anything ever happens, or she learns
anything.  You are always welcome to my couch."  He paused for a moment.
"And my bed."

I smiled, unable to hide it after that last one.

"Good to know.  Thanks, man.  This really means so much to me."

"No problem."

We pulled into the parking lot, his car face to face with mine still
sitting in my space, and I opened the door.  He grabbed my hand.

"Wait.  Come here."  He pulled me back, and kissed me full on the lips.
After a moment of hesitation, I kissed back, and our tongues broke the
lines.  We shared a deep, passionate kiss.  I was the one to break the kiss
this time.

I looked at the clock in the dash.  11:50.

"Shit!  I am so fucking late!"

"See you at work Monday?"

"Yeah!"

"This isn't going to make things weird, is it?"

"No.  Tell you what.  I'll call you Sunday, and we should hang out at your
place."

A grin crossed his face and he reached out and kissed me briefly again.  I
kissed him back with a smile, then hopped out of the car, running over to
mine.  Alex pulled out of the lot as I unlocked the door.  He honked
goodbye as he drove off.

I sat down in the driver's seat, and just sat back for a moment, processing
the events that had just occurred.

"Well, I honestly expected it to be another woman, not some faggot."

My eyes flew open and turned to the source of the voice.  Sarah was sitting
in the passenger's seat, betrayal and pain across her face.

She jumped out the door and ran over to her car parked behind a bush.  She
peeled out of the lot, clearly on the route home.  I followed her as fast
as I could, not wanting her to have time to decide to leave me.  She beat
me by only about a few seconds.  I saw her running into the house. I
followed her as fast as I could, begging her to wait and hear me out.  She
made it into the kitchen before I stopped her.  She pushed me away from
her.  And that's when she started in.

She vented for almost an hour, calling me every homosexual slur I had ever
heard, and more, bitching me out for every little thing and dragging up the
past, getting it all out.  She told me she hated me.  She said she had only
married her because her parents forced her.  She faked the pregnancy to get
me in, knowing that her parents would always compare other guys to me and
bug her about. She said she loved me once, but hadn't for a long time.  She
really went ballistic when she saw the number on my hand, calling me a
filthy faggot and asking if that was my slut's number, and how long I had
been sucking Alex's cock.  She went on, telling me that she only allowed us
to adopt Spencer when he was five because she wanted a kid but never wanted
to have sex with me.  She told me I was ugly, stupid, and the biggest
asshole she ever met.

She had crushed my soul.  When she ran out of steam, she said she was
leaving. I begged her not to, asking her for time.  She said she needed
some away from me, and that she was going to stay with her parents for at
least a few days while she "figured things out".

With that, she grabbed her car keys and walked out the door.

I stood in shock for a few minutes, then turned off the lights and headed
up to bed.

When I got to the top of the stairs, Spencer was standing at the top.
Tears were running down his face, and he was sobbing.

"I'm so sorry, Dad.  I never wanted you to find out."

I was confused, and couldn't deal with him right now.  I felt to lost
already.  "What?  Listen.  Don't worry about it.  Your mom is just going to
see her parents for a few days.  Now get some sleep, you have your meet
tomorrow."

His face was blank for a moment.  "Oh... alright.  Good night, Dad."

I was too preoccupied to think about his odd behaviour.  I was too caught
up in myself, so I decided that I would deal with it later.

I stumbled into the bedroom, shedding clothes as I went.  I desperately
wanted to just climb into bed and die, but there was something I had to do
first.  I grabbed the phone and called Alex.  I told him everything.  How
she ambushed me and was gone now.  He told me not to worry, that she'd be
back, then reminded me that his place was open for me.  I said thanks but
reminded him that I had to take care of Spencer.  He said that he could
take Spencer I I needed some time to unwind or if I needed to have a talk
with Sarah.  I thanked him again, moved to tears by his generosity and
caring for me.  We said our goodbyes and I hung up and rolled over.  I
quickly fell into a deep sleep, alone for the first time in a long time.



END OF CHAPTER ONE.

Part Two will be written from Spencer's POV to elaborate on the history a
bit more and cultivate some more plot.

I always love comments/questions/death threats (please mark all hate mail
as "FLAME" so I can giggle when I read it.)

taji.nifty@gmail.com!