Date: Mon, 5 Apr 2010 10:20:54 -0400
From: J K <imawriter123@gmail.com>
Subject: Funny things happen part 13

"Funny things happen" Part 13

Comments welcome at imawriter123@gmail.com

I awoke the following morning still wrapped up in Marks arms, and looked
over at the clock it was after 9:30am and it was Monday and I was massively
late for work.  I tried to pull out of his arms but as usual he only pulled
me in tighter. I turn over to face him, gave him a kiss and said,

	"Love, I hate to do this, and trust me the last thing I want to do
is leave your arms at this point but it's Monday and I've got to get my ass
to the office." He mumbled something which I did not understand and tried
to pull away again but again he pulled back tighter. This time I shook him
and told him again that I had to go to work. His eyes finally opened with a
smile across his face and said,

	"No you don't, you're on vacation this week.  Now lay back down
close your eyes and go back to sleep." And apparently he wasn't kidding
because he tightened his arms around me again and pulled me back down.  At
this point, it wasn't worth it to fight him on the issue, he wouldn't steer
me wrong so with that l lay back down, snuggled up against him and went
back to sleep.  Well at least attempted to, unfortunately I'm the type of
person that, once I'm up, I'm up.  But laying next to him all wrapped up?
That I could do without a problem.  It's just my brain that was running
rampant again with thoughts of Josh and what he was doing and how much I
missed him already, and it hasn't even been 24 hours yet.  This really was
a sick, sick thing.

I guess at some point I had fallen back asleep, because the next time I
opened my eyes Mark was gone and there was bright warm sun coming into the
bedroom. I turned over and looked at the clock, shit it was 1:15 already.
I literally jumped out of bed, and ran down stairs to find a note on the
table that said,

	"Morning (or should I say afternoon) sleepy head, it's 11:30 now
running to the gym and then a few errands should be back around
1:30/45. Coffee is ready to brew, just hit the button.  Love M"

I wish I had words to describe how I felt about the man that I was married
to, but I don't.  There are no words to describe other than just absolutely
incredible, loving, caring devoted-truthfully someone I am not deserving
of.  After everything he has still stuck with me, been my `rock of
jibralter'.  I am positive that there is no way I could have experienced
and gone through everything that I did in the past 48 hours without him. It
just would not have been possible.

I walked over into the kitchen started the coffee and just stood there
staring out in a complete daze wondering what do I do with life now? Josh
is gone.  For the first time in 18 years, the only responsibility I had was
to enjoy the life that I had with my husband.  Could that really be as easy
as it sounded?  I wished and prayed it would be, but something inside me
said `Hahaha, don't even think about it David, life isn't that simple'.  So
who knows, but maybe I should listen to Mark and Josh and just try and
live.

As I poured my coffee and walked out of the kitchen over towards the
terrace I heard the front door open and close, and into the room walked the
most incredible man in my life with a bright smile and sapphire blue eyes
that melted me every time.

	"Well you have finally rejoined the waking world!  You feel any
better? More rested?  I don't think you moved an inch last night, other
than when you tried to commit a big no-no by attempting to get out of bed."
And he winked at me.  THAT was what I wanted to ask him about.

	"Well officer, would you mind explaining to me, how and why it is
that I suddenly have a weeks' vacation that I didn't plan or tell my office
that I was taking?"  He just laughed and said,

	"I told you I had a surprise for you when we got back, that's the
first part of it. I knew this past weekend was going to be rough on you,
hell it was rough on me, but we did it together.  Josh is having the time
of his life, just like he is supposed to and now you will too."  He just
had to bring him up, just had to do it.  But I promised myself I was going
to try and really work and control myself and not burst into tears every
time I heard his name.  So I said,

	"So I smiled back and said OK, you were a sneaky devilish man, and
made that a surprise, what's the next part?"  That's when the real devilish
smile came out and, I was actually almost a little worried. I don't think
I'd ever seen that look before, but rolled with it, and he said,

	"Well we're going away on a trip, no I'm not telling you where, you
don't get to find out about that till we get to the airport.  But I would
advise you to get upstairs and start packing, and pack for summer weather,
and comfortable walking. Now get going we've got to be at the airport in 2
hours." I just stood there looking at this man, I really had no words.
What do you say to that? There isn't much you can say other than,

	"I love you Mark, and thank you for coming into my life. I don't
know what I would do without you."  And I just went upstairs to pack.

It felt very strange doing this, I'm not sure why just very strange.  I
guess really its new territory for me.  I haven't been in a position where
I could just pick and do what I want without having to worry about my
responsibilities at home since high school 18 years ago.  And then I
stopped do what I was doing for a minute and thought about the past 18
years and what had transpired.  I got married to a woman I didn't love, I
had a kid that I love more than my own life, I got a divorce, I met a man
that I love more than I could ever even understand myself AND loves me back
just the same if not more.  What a world.

As I was standing there thinking, I suddenly felt arms come around me and a
light breath on my right ear and whisper of,

	"You ok sweetness?"  And I just turned to him smiled and said,

	"Yes, I'm fine. Just thinking about how much I love you, and how
excited I am to be doing this and with you."  He looked at me again, and
said,

	"Me too, now get packing the car service will be here to pick us up
soon!"  I looked back at him again and said,

	"Don't you have to pack?" He laughed and said

	"Already did this morning while you were sleeping away.  Now get
moving!"

I quickly finished packing, brought the suitcase downstairs just in time
for the car service to show up.  I ran around the apartment like chicken
without a head, making sure that everything was closed up and OK, until
Mark caught me in one of my circles and said,

	"Everything is fine, I promise, time to go."  Although something
was still bothering me, I still had a feeling that I had forgotten to do
something.  I couldn't place my finger on it, but there was something going
on here and I knew it was going to drive me nuts until I figured it out.
Mark must have seen my mind racing as we drove in the car to the airport
and said,

	"You didn't forget anything, I made sure we have everything that we
need.  And you can call Josh to say good bye before we get on the plane."

Bingo!  That's what I couldn't figure out, he didn't know.  What was going
to happen if he needed something and we weren't there?  What if something
happens? I was just going to go nuts, I didn't even know where I was going,
how could I tell him?  And then I had a sudden thought and I looked at
Mark, and saw him smiling back at me.  I looked back at him and said,

	"This was his idea wasn't it? Everything?"  He kept on smiling, not
saying a word. I gave him a quick punch in the stomach and said "Well was
it?" And he just looked at me and said,

	"You raised a wonderful man who looks out for you as much as you
look out for him.  He loves you just as much as you love him.  He caught me
by surprise just as much as you.  He handed me the tickets and reservations
just before we left to drive home and said `I love you both very, very
much.  Here's my early anniversary present to the 2 of you. I've got all
the info already, and if he hasn't passed out, tell him to call me before
he gets on the plane.'  And he just smiled gave me a kiss and that was it."
I sat there stunned.  Though I really shouldn't be, this was Josh. It was
the way he thought, the way his mind worked.  He put the world before him,
would bend over backwards if he had to for anyone.  But I again realized
here, that my love for him was one-sided and always would be.  It was a
depressing thought, but one I had to accept.  At that point I fell into
Mark and wrapped my arms around him so tightly, I didn't want to let go, I
think I finally realized Mark was it.

We pulled up to the international terminal, and I thought, well it's not
Hawaii and I doubt we were going East, since Mark and I and Josh too, all
hated the east coast from as far north to the far south.  We had already
been to Japan and China and Hong Kong, so I doubt it was any of those.  I
was baffled, I had no idea where we could be going.  And then we walked up
to the ticket counter, and I saw what airline it was and I looked at Mark
with my mouth hanging open, and he looked at me and said,

	"I know, I had the same reaction.  I tried to give him the tickets
back told him he was crazy and that this was just too much. But he's just
as stubborn as you, and wouldn't hear of it so this is where we are going
for 2 weeks." At that point my eyes bugged out again,

	"Two weeks?!?!  I thought I only had a week vacation?"  He smiled
and said,

	"Oh did I only say 1 this morning?  Sorry I meant 2." Again I just
stood there in shock.  Finally being able to regroup, I said,

	"He's sending us to fucking Figi for two weeks?  Remind me to yell
at him, when I call him."  Mark just looked at me, laughed and said,

	"Oh hunny you think this is bad? You haven't seen anything yet.
Not only is your son stubborn but he's also crazy.  I'm starting to wonder
if he robbed a bank or something." I just looked at him and said,

	"Oh God what the fuck else did he do?" Mark just looked at me and
said,

	"You'll see.  Now come on we're all checked in lets go get through
security and then sit down we've got a good two hours before the plane
leaves."  I couldn't even imagine what else he had done, but I had tears
running down my face.  I just couldn't believe that he had done this.  It
was one of my dream destinations that I've always wanted to go to.  He and
I had talked about it and thought about it, and was always something that
he and I promised we'd do together.  But here I am going on my dream
vacation with a man that I love, but not the one that I want. We go through
security and I was walking down the corridor completely dazed, trying to
process everything I didn't even realize that Mark had taken my hand and
was leading me into the first class lounge.  When we finally sat down and I
started to look around, I looked back at Mark and he said to me,

	"Yea, I know he's crazy.  Absolutely crazy I'm still in shock, I
didn't know about this part until we checked in.  I'm actually scared to
find out what else he set up once we get there.  But pull out that phone
and call him now." Call him?  Damn right I was calling him.  And as I was
pulling the phone out of my pocket it started to ring.  I answered and
said,

	"Have you gone fucking nuts?  Did something snap in your brain?" He
started laughing,

	"Hey Dad! I guess you're at the airport already.  Happy early
anniversary!" And I repeated again,

	"Have you lost your fucking mind? How? Why? When?"  And for a
minute there was silence, and then he said,

	"Daddy, I love you, very, very much.  I do know how much you love
me and in what way. And I do feel bad that I don't have the ability to love
you back that way.  But, I do feel better that you have someone who can
love you the way that I can't.  I've seen a twinkle in your eye ever since
you met Mark, and I know you are happy.  And it makes me happy and feel
good to see that.  You have done so much for me in so many ways that I
could never express them in words, because there aren't any to do it with.
I know that this was something that you've always wanted to do, and it was
the next best thing that I could give you, so I did.  Please just accept it
as that and enjoy it with the man that you love, and who loves you back
just as much if not more.  Do it.  Do it for me, do it for Mark, and do it
for you.  And remember I love you, always have always will. Now put Mark
on, I want to talk to him too."  I just handed the phone over to Mark
without even looking at him, and just sat there in a total daze.

He just confirmed my thoughts and fears verbally.  He knew how and how much
I loved him, but he can't love me back the same way.  So that was the end
of it all.  The door had been closed and sealed and there was no chance of
it ever happening.  I guess I really do need to just move on now, there is
absolutely no point in torturing myself over something that will never
happen.  I know I had tears streaming down my face, and I didn't care.  I
didn't care what kind of scene I was making, it didn't matter and in a
matter of seconds my head was leaning against Mark's chest and I felt his
arms come around me. They were comforting but at the same time cold and
meant nothing.  It was unfortunate but at that point there was nothing he
could do that would make me feel better, things had now officially changed.
I felt Mark's arms tighten around me even more and he whispered to me,

	"I know you're hurting and I wish I could take that all away from
you. Every bit of it. But you have to believe me when I say that things are
going to get better. You are going to be able to move on now, and I'm here
for you and with you to do it, and I always will be.  You will never ever
be alone, I promise you that. Josh may not be your lover, but he is your
son and he does love you. I know he does.  You're going to be OK, we're
going to have a wonderful time on this trip, I promise."

Well I guess he was right on one thing, I have to move on. I have no
choice.  I know he will be with me, and I know that I am loved, but it's
still not as easy as turning off a switch to just stop feeling the way that
I do.  It just doesn't work that way.  But I will try.  However I was sure
of one thing, the next 18 hours on the plane were going to be torture,
because all I would be able to do is sit think and sleep, and at this point
I really don't think sleep was going to happen.

As I sat in the lounge with my head on Mark's chest and his arms around me,
I tried and tried to come up with ways to move past this point. To get over
the fact that the person that I loved and wanted most in life with no
longer even a possibility, but to no avail it just wasn't working.  I
looked up at Mark, who truthfully had the most warming and caring look on
his face. His eyes told me that he understood what I was feeling to the
degree that he could, and that he was here for me in whatever way I needed
him.  And even that I knew I didn't deserve, and yet I still had it.

As the flight was finally called to board, we got up left the lounge and
walked over to the gate to get on to the plane, I took one last look around
the terminal, I don't know why, maybe hoping Josh would come running up to
surprise me, but he didn't .  I was lead to my seat , and within minutes
was offered a glass of champagne, and did have the thought of `damn first
class really is different'.  And then what seamed like minutes later the
glasses were collected and the plane pushed back from the gate.  As we
taxied over to the runway, I felt Mark's hand tighten around mine and I
looked over to him and once again found his blue eyes and bright smile, and
I finally found the energy and ability to smile back and say,

	"I love you." It hurt and felt good at the same time to be able to
say that.  Another turning point in life I suppose.  I guess now, he really
was the only person that would love me back the way that I loved him.

The next two weeks were absolutely surreal to me.  I had never in my life
seen a more beautiful country. The atmosphere was different, the people
were different, the attitude was different, the beaches were incredible,
that was the only word that could even come close to describing this place,
incredible.  There were days where all we did was walk out of the hotel
room, or actually I should say suite.  What that boy reserved was the
honeymoon suite for us.  It was really rather humorous when we walked up to
the front desk of the hotel and the receptionist said,

	"Congratulations on your partnership.  Here is your key to the
elevator and to your suite.  The suite elevators are the next hallway over
from the main ones.  Your luggage will be brought up momentarily.  And once
again congratulations, I hope you enjoy your stay here."  Both Mark and I
just stood there with our mouths hanging open once again trying to process
what had just been said to us.  Finally Mark was able to compose himself
and get out,

	"Thank you."

As we followed the bell-hop over to the elevators, we both just looked at
each other wondering what the hell was going on here.  I knew that Josh was
crazy, I just didn't know how crazy he was.  Mark himself had said at the
airport that he was afraid to find out what Josh had set-up here, he was
completely right.  Once again we walked into the room and our mouths just
fell open.  This looked more like an apartment than a room or even a suite.
Mark and I just looked at each other, then tipped the bell-hop and walked
around.  It was when I came into the bedroom that I found an envelope on
the bed marked `David & Mark'.  I called Mark into the room, and with
trepidation opened the envelope and the note inside read,

	"Well if you are reading this that means you got to the hotel ok
and you are in the room.  I know it may seem a bit excessive, but it was
right.  The two of you have given me nothing less than the best life I
could ever imagine.  The love that I have received from the two of you has
been more than a son could ever ask for.  I could not think of a better way
for me to return my love than with the best that I could give you.  Spend
your time together as partners and lovers and friends and as David and
Mark. So, my two wonderful Dad's, Happy Anniversary!  Love, Josh" We both
just stood there with our arms around each other in tears.  I layed my head
on Mark and said,

	"I don't know where he came from, where he got this from.  He's
like a miracle son, I don't deserve him."  Mark just looked down at me and
said,

	"He came from you.  He got his generosity and love from you.  He
became the man from example, and that example was set by you."  I held him
tighter, just to hold myself up, because it just made me love him more.
Every ounce of energy and power that I had used to try and move towards
getting `over' him had just been drained out of me.  How do you get over
someone who does things like this?  But I had no choice, somehow, I had to
do it.

Finally, after 2 glorious weeks, we returned back to California, admittedly
well rested and I was definitely calmer than when I had left.  It did help
me start the `healing' process and progression of `life'.  I guess I could
do it.

Things had more or less gone back to normal at home, Mark and I were both
at work, and we both adjusted to being the only two at home each night, and
it really was a lot easier to do than I had expected it to be. Josh called
much more than you would expect a college freshman to call his parents, but
then again he wasn't your typical college freshman, he wasn't your typical
teenager, hell he wasn't your typical anything.  He was just Josh.

It was late Saturday night on October 16th, I had just shut off the bedside
lamp and was just starting to fall asleep in Mark's arms, just like any
other night when the phone rang.  I immediately shot up in bed.  I didn't
need to know who it was, but I knew immediately something was wrong. Very,
very wrong. With shaky hand picked up the phone and said,

	"Hello?"  And all I heard was a very weak voice,

	"Dad, I need you."