Date: Fri, 9 Apr 2010 23:57:46 -0400
From: J K <imawriter123@gmail.com>
Subject: Funny things happen part 14

"Funny Things Happen" Part 14

Comments welcome at imawriter123@gmail.com

It's a parent's worst nightmare, something happening to your child. I kept
screaming into the phone asking him what was wrong trying to get a response
but nothing just silence. I threw the phone down looked at Mark with what
must have been the face of a lunatic and all I could get out was

	"Josh" He didn't need any more than that.

We were both dressed in what must have been less than 30 seconds. I ran
down the stairs with Mark not less than a few steps behind me and out of
the apartment.  I had no idea how the hell I was going to get to Stanford,
it was over 7 hours by car, plane was the only way to go, hell I'd hire a
private one if I had to.  I needed to get to him, I didn't know what was
wrong, all I knew was that it was bad.  He has never sounded like that in
his life.

Mark was driving like a mad man towards the airport, I kept redialing over
and over but there was no answer, I called one of the roommates all I got
was

	"I don't know where he is" Good fucking god no one knew where he
was what had happened, my heart was being ripped out, my brain was running
in overdrive, I didn't know who else to call except the police.  But
speaking coherently and explaining that it was police in Stanford that I
needed was not happening.  Mark grabbed the phone out of my hand, and
explained it the best he could from what I could understand.

Finally at the airport, we ran in and to the first ticket counter we could
find that flew up to Stanford, again my ability to speak was impossible.  I
just stood there in tears, god knows what I looked at but I didn't give a
shit.  Before I realized it Mark grabbed my arms and we were running, where
I hadn't a clue. At that point everything was just a blur.

We got onto a plane, so apparently he found some flight that went up there,
when we finally sat down in the seat before take-off, I just collapsed in
Mark's arms.  The things running through my head as to what was wrong and
what happened scared me, they scared me so much, that I didn't know what to
do but just sit there and weep.  It would be almost 2 hours before we even
reached the university no matter what transportation we used. God knows he
could be dead by then.  Mark did his best to try and calm me down, but it
was useless and truthfully he was no better, we were both just absolute
messes.

 By the time we got off the plane in San Jose it had been almost 2 hours
since I got the phone call and it would still be another 30 minute drive
from the airport once we rented a car, and we didn't even know where the
hell he was.  I immediately tried calling him again, but still no answer.
At this point I called the police again to find out if there had been any
sight of him since we called previously.  But the horrible answer was no.

We drove over to the dorms, to at least find that word had gotten out that
he was missing and there was a search going on around the
campus. Apparently he had formed a rather large circle of friends (which
admittedly was no surprising) but it was a little comforting that at least
it wasn't just us that were concerned.  The last person that had seen him
was his roommate and that was at 10:30pm last night and he said that he was
going out to grab some food and bring it back, and was never heard from
again.  It didn't appear that he would have been going far, since his car
was still in its spot.  But at the same time, none of the usual food joints
that he typically had gone to, ever saw him.

Absolutely none of this made any sense.  It was already 11:30am on Sunday,
almost 12 hours since I received that call and still nothing. No sightings,
no other phone calls nothing, and I just collapsed at the base of a tree.
I couldn't handle it anymore all I kept thinking was that he was lying dead
somewhere in a dumpster or barge or god knows where else.  At that point
the world was just spinning around me, I had no idea what was going on I
was just lost.  If I actually lost him, for real, that would be the death
of me.  If that were the case I would have nothing else to live for.  It's
one thing not to have him as a lover but still have him as a son.  But to
lose him completely, would kill me. Simple as that it would kill me.

I didn't feel or even see Mark come up and sit down next to me and hold me.
But it didn't matter I had no energy to hold him back.  I was almost
lifeless myself, it was already 4pm, it had been 16 hours since that phone
call and still no sight of him.  Mark just kept repeating,

	"We're going to find him.  He is the most resourceful person that I
know.  He can hold his own, always has been able to.  We will find him and
he's going to be OK, I promise" They were words but they weren't
comforting.  I wished I believed them to be true, but as it is, it just
doesn't seem possible.  No, I wasn't giving up hope but trying to prepare
myself for a possible reality. It was at that point that the phone rang, it
was Mark's not mine but hell it didn't matter, I prayed it was good news
maybe they'd found him. But the look that Mark had on his face told me one
of two things.  Someone found him but he was dead. Or they were just giving
up.  Mark closed the phone and slowly looked down at me with a grief
stricken face.  I knew it, he was gone. One way or another he was gone.
Mark just continued to stare at me with tears streaming down his face. I
just said to him,

	"Please, just tell me dead or alive?"  All he said was,

	"Come, we need to go now. There was a body found, but no one can ID
him.  He is alive, but on life support. Let's go."  All I heard was `He is
alive'. I had my glimmer of hope.  I just knew it was him, it had to be.
Nothing else mattered at that point.  He was alive and now I had to go and
be with him, in whatever shape or form I had to go.  We got into the car in
absolute silence, nothing was said, no radio nothing, just absolute
silence.  I hadn't even asked where it was that he was, I didn't care
really I just needed to be there.

After what seemed like forever we were entering the city of San Francisco
and then into the parking lot of the hospital.  I was in a total daze being
taken by hand through the parking lot and into the building, and through
the doors of the Intensive Care Unit, where we finally came to a dead stop.
The nurse said something to Mark which I didn't hear and didn't really
care, but I did know it was something bad, because he squeezed my hand
tighter.  And then the nurse opened the curtain.  My knees instantly
buckled and had Mark not caught me, I would have been lying on the floor.

What I saw laying in front of me did not look like that of the human body.
There were countless tubes running from his arms, the face was barely
recognizable –what wasn't bandaged was black and blue. Furthermore, both
of his knees were bandaged, it was just a horrific sight one of which I
couldn't bear to look at anymore, and I just walked out of the room.
Seeing your child like that is like having daggers being driven into your
chest over and over again. I wanted to be the one in that bed, not him.  I
couldn't for the life of me imagine why and what had happened.  It made no
sense to me at all.  Josh was not someone who provoked fights, wasn't any
part of a gang, none of it made any sense to me.  And God knows if I'd ever
find out.  That body in there looked lifeless.  Mark finally came out and
found me sitting on the floor, pulled me up and took me over to a waiting
are and sat me down.  I was afraid to hear what it was he was going to tell
me, but at the same time I needed to know.  With tears streaming down his
face he said,

	"In short, he's hanging on by a thread, there's damage pretty much
everywhere.  There was a lot of trauma to his head, right now he's in a
coma and somewhat stable.  But further there isn't much they can do.  But
listen to me.  Yes the news is grim, but remember who we are talking about
here.  If there is anyone who can survive this, it's him.  If there is a
way to fight and win, he can do it, just like everything else he's ever
done.  Remember his saying about anything and everything, `If I'm in it,
I'm in it to win it.'  If he can win it, he will David, he will."  I wished
I could believe it, I want to believe it, but what I saw in there, I don't
know how anyone could beat that, superman or not.  Granted Mark was right,
anything Josh ever put his mind to, he did it.  Our only hope was that he
still had the mind to do it.  But with being in a coma and brain damage,
how much could have left?

At that point I really didn't know what to do anymore.  I didn't know
whether to go back inside, sit here, go to a hotel.  My life had just been
flipped upside down and inside out. I just looked at Mark and he looked
just as lost as me, neither one of us knew what to do at that point other
than just sit there and cry.  What else can you do when you son is laying
near death in the next room?

Finally I stood up and very slowly walked back over to the ICU pushed the
door open and walked up to the bed with my son in it, I took his left hand
in mine, it was still warm, (which I took as a good sign) and I brought it
up to my lips and kissed it gently and then placed it back down on the bed
next to him, and then leaned over towards his ear and just whispered,

	"I love you Joshua, please, please come back to us, I can't live
without you. I need you, I love you in every way possible.  You are my
life, my soul, my heart. I love Mark more than anything in the world but my
heart will always belong to you." I stood there talking and whispering, I
doubt he heard anything but I had to say it all.  It's how I felt, what I
felt and what I meant.  But my gut told me, that as much of a fighter as he
is, this was one that he wasn't going to win.

I once again felt Mark behind me his hands resting gently on my shoulders.
He slowly pulled me up from the bedside turned me around and asked me,

	"David, come it's already after midnight, you've been here for
hours and have had no sleep. I don't want you getting sick too. I got us a
hotel room, it's just down the street, let's go back and try and get some
sleep, we'll come back in a few hours.  The nurses said they will call if
anything changes. OK?" I didn't say anything, I really had no words. I just
followed him out of the room and down the hall to the elevator, and I
finally looked at him and said,

	"Mark, if I lose him, you know that I'm following suit. I'm sorry
to do that to you, and it's not fair or right or kind, but if I lose him, I
have nothing left. Even having you, I have nothing left."  He just stood
there with tears streaming down his face and said,

	"I know David, I know."  He knew I wasn't kidding. I was just as
crazy as my son, maybe that's where he got it from.  But would I take my
own life to be with my son?  Yes I would, without a second thought.  As we
went from the hospital over to the hotel there were no words spoken, no
sounds made. What could be said?  I-no we had a son laying almost dead in a
bed, for an unknown reason, I had no idea what to think or do. I then
looked at my watch, it was already October 18th, Josh turns 18 in less than
24 hours. I remember standing in the hospital then waiting for his mother
to give birth to my son, that too was a rough time, she had a very
difficult time in labor, was almost 12 hours of it. I remember how much
pain she was in, I could see myself at that time chuckling over how much
pain she was in because of the problems she caused me.  Now I was getting
my payback, maybe that's what it was payback.  Except that the wrong person
was getting the real payback.  He didn't deserve this.  And then once again
I just broke down in tears.

I had no idea where Mark was, somewhere in the room I suppose, but it
didn't matter, there was really nothing he could at this point.  He could
hold me, but it meant nothing, as warm as his arms were they were still
cold.  Honestly I wanted to be left alone, but on the same token I was
afraid to be alone. I was just about to take my shoes off, and then in the
midst of all that the phone rang again. And I got the jab in my
stomach. They were calling to say he died. Mark looked over at me while on
the phone with that same face he had on when we got the first call. I
didn't want to hear anything I really don't think I could take any more bad
news at this point.  And all I said was,

	"Doesn't matter what, do whatever it is they have to, to save
him. ANYTHING" Mark just looked at me nodded his head and went back to the
phone.  I retied my shoes and was already halfway out of the room when I
heard Mark call to me,

	"David! Come back here" I shook my head no, and started to run but
he jumped up to grab me. I kept trying to run but my feet were off the
ground and I wasn't moving anywhere.  He was just too strong for me and I
finally just gave up.  I didn't want to hear what he had to say, I really
didn't.

	"David, before we go back, and we will in a few minutes, but we
need to talk first. They've taken him in for emergency brain surgery. It's
a chance but not a guarantee. No one knows what's he's going to out as,
whether he will wake up or not, and even if he does, what functions he will
have.  I want you to think about Josh.  Would he want to live the rest of
his life on life support? Or as someone who is just a vegetable? Could you
live with that every day? I know you don't want to hear that or listen to
that, but you have to think about it.  David I know it's not fair, and not
right, I have no words for it or explanation.  I wish I could change it
all, I wish I could be the one in his position.  I would trade my own life
to save his no questions asked.  But you have to think about the rest just
in case you have to make a decision."  I hated hearing that, I hated Mark
for saying it.  But what I hated more, was the fact that he was right.  I
had to consider what it was I was going to do in all scenarios.  I just
couldn't take it anymore, but I looked at him and nodded, and we walked
over to the elevators to back to the hospital.

It was with unbearable emotional pain that I walked back into that building
and up into the waiting room.  The updated news was that he was still in
surgery, but that was it. No one knew what was going on inside.  I wanted
to wait up until he came out to at least hear the verdict, but as I sat
there, my eyes started to close.  After almost 60 hours I just couldn't
keep my eyes open anymore and I fell into Mark.  I don't know how long it
was that I was asleep, but I suddenly felt a gentle shaking and I slowly
opened my eyes looking around and then suddenly remembering where I was and
why and started to cry again.  I looked up at Mark and he actually had half
a smile on his face. Something a I hadn't seen in days, and I just said

	"Josh?" He looked back at me and said,

	"He made it through the surgery, and they were able to stop the
bleed.  He is still in recovery but the prognosis is better than
anticipated.  The brain damage was not as severe as they thought.  He will
live, and not as a vegetable.  Further than that, is still up in the air.
But it doesn't matter he's going to live."  At that point I didn't care
about anything else.  I heard `will live and not as a vegetable' NOTHING
ELSE mattered.  The rest could all be fixed or dealt with somehow, but I
still had my son.  I literally jumped into Marks arms in tears, but tears
of joy.  I then asked,

	"Can I see him? Where is he?"

	"He's still in recovery and heavily sedated, it will be a few hours
before they bring him around.  So come with me let's go get something to
eat and we'll come back up.  You don't have to worry anymore.  He's going
to be fine, trust me.  I told you, our son is a fighter, just like
everything else. He's in it, and in it to win it."