Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2010 08:49:51 -0400 From: J K <imawriter123@gmail.com> Subject: Re: Funny things happen part 15 "Funny things happen" Part 15 Comments welcome at imawriter123@gmail.com That was really the best news I had heard in days, I wasn't sure whether to jump for joy or just try and keep my composure and not jump the gun before we know how things really do turn out. But I certainly felt better. I just looked over to Mark, put my hand in his and pulled me up from the chair wrapped his arms around me and held me good and tight, and then whispered in my ear, "David, he's going to be fine. It will take time, but he'll be back to the old Josh that we both know and love. I have full confidence in that. Now come on let's go for a walk get some coffee, it will be a few hours before they lift the sedation. I promise we'll come right back after." I wanted to sit and wait there. I wanted to be the first thing he saw if and when he woke up. I knew that was a possibility too, they could lift the sedation but it didn't mean he'd really wake up. But I did have some hope. I just looked at Mark, tried to break a smile and said, "OK let's go, I guess I could use some coffee." He took me by the hand, held me close and again said, "David, I love you very much. You are one of the best things that ever happened to me. And the other best thing? That's Josh. The two of you have made me happier than I could have ever imagined my life could be. And I mean this when I say no matter what happens, anything at all, I'll still love you, still stay with you in whatever shape or form you want me. You got that?" I just looked at him with tears in my eyes. I knew what he meant, and the fact that someone could say that and really mean it, was just an amazing thing to me. Hell I don't know if I could do something like that, but that's who Mark was. The most wonderful man in the world, I just nodded and smiled as we walked over to the elevator to go downstairs to get coffee. I'm not really sure where I was mentally, very lost you could say. I had been so entrenched in concentrating on finding Josh and going crazy over whether or not he was going to live, that I hadn't thought about being in love with him for a long time. But then I quickly reminded myself of what Josh had said that day while we were sitting in the airport. So I decided that I was just going to leave it at that, and go back to concentrating on his health and him getting better. But make no mistake, my love for him has only gotten stronger, not weaker. I just sat there drinking coffee, trying to wake myself back up. I could feel Mark's eyes boring into me as I sat there in silence until he said, "How are you doing? Want to talk it out?" I just looked at him and laughed and said, "You know there are times at which I hate you for being able to read me so well. Am I really that transparent, that all you have to do is look at me and you know what I'm thinking? I mean you can do it, Josh can do it, am I that easy?" He smiled and looked at me with those sapphire blue eyes and said, "My love, you aren't easy at all. But you let the people you love see into your soul, and that only makes you all the more special. Trust me otherwise you have a face of steel. Your little worker bee's at the office couldn't see into you with a high powered laser. So don't worry." I just laughed. It actually felt good to laugh, and to smile. It really had been so long since I'd done it genuinely and not a fake one. I looked back into his eyes, his soul, his heart and said, "Do you really think that he'll be able to come back from this? I mean let's be realistic, that didn't look like a human body. You know more of what was wrong with him than I do. And no I don't want to know the details, the sight was enough. But after all of that, do you really think he'll be able to go back to what he was? And really be honest with me." He just stared at me for a few minutes without making a move or sound and then said, "David, in all honesty? I don't know. Do I believe he will wake up? Yes. Do I believe that he will able to come back and be able to function? Yes. Do I believe that he will be able to be the physical superman that we used to consider him? I don't know. But, what I do know is that, if there is a way to do it, and if the possibility is there, then yes he will do it. I guess that's really the issue – whether or not it's possible to do. David, without details, whatever happened to him was bad, really bad, in whatever shape or form, he has a very long road of recovery. But like I said, if there is a true possibility for him to return to his full self, then yes I do believe that he can do it. But also do be prepared, it will take a very long time." It was a difficult yet somewhat comforting answer to hear. The sick joke is I almost hope that he doesn't remember certain things and maybe there is a slim chance that maybe I could get what I wanted with him. Could there be a possibility that I could have him as a lover? God I really am a sick bastard. And then my thoughts shifted to something else. What the hell happened? Why did this happen to him? I looked at Mark with tears in my eyes again and said, "What the hell do you think happened to him? Who would want to possibly do this?" That was something else I couldn't get my mind around, just why or how. It made no sense to me at all. Mark's face suddenly turned very stern and angry, something else I had never seen on him before. It never even occurred to me that he could get mad or be angry, it was something that I had never experienced with him, and by the looks of it, never wanted to either. He just sat there, I could see his fists clench, and he said in a very deep and forceful voice, "I don't know, but I swear with you and god as my witness, if I ever found out I would hunt him down and make him feel pain that he never knew existed. You DON'T fuck with my kid and get away with it." It was an unbelievable sight. I saw each and every one of his muscles ripple through his shirt, felt electricity through my hands, saw fire in his eyes but not of lust or love but of deep anger. I was almost sorry that I asked because I didn't like this part of him. I never knew it existed, didn't think he was capable of it, didn't want to think it. And I just quickly stroked his face to calm him down and said, "Calm down, it doesn't matter now you've got a new task now anyway. If Josh makes it out like you say he will and he's going to need recovery and rehab, he's got the best most beautiful personal trainer in the world. And he lives right in his own home." I smiled at him leaned across the table, kissed him and said, "Come on, we need to go back to the hospital, our son is waiting." He smiled took my hand and we walked up the street back to the hospital. I paused outside of the building looked it up and down and then looked over at him, and then continued up the steps inside. As the elevator opened up onto the floor, we stepped out and slowly walked over to the nursing station to find out where he was. While asking the nurse for information I noticed a small grimace on her face which gave me a quick jab in the stomach. I had a terrible feeling that she had bad news to give, as I looked over to Mark, he too had a very unhappy look. I waited for her to finish speaking and he to look at me, and he just said, "Come, he's in the ICU." He started to walk away but before moving I pulled his arm back and said, "What happened, tell me NOW, before I walk in there and find out myself." He looked at me and didn't say anything, just stared at me. Finally he said, "He's awake, but can't speak, and very disoriented and doesn't remember much. Now come on lets go. Maybe we'll be able to jolt his memory." My heart hurt from hearing that. I couldn't even imagine what that must be like. I didn't want to imagine it. But I had to remind myself he's alive and awake, anything else was just gravy at this point. I just nodded at Mark, he took my hand and we slowly walked into the room. What I saw in front of me was like feeling daggers being thrown into my heart, there lay a man in bandages all over his body, a black and blue face, tubes and wires running out of his arms and neck. It was just an unbelievable sight that I didn't want to see, yet, couldn't take my eyes off of. But the difference between this time and the first time I saw him was that his eyes were open. But they were not Josh's eyes, these eyes were tired and wounded. I just stood there at the foot of the bed staring directly into his eyes, his trying to stare back at mine, but I could see the struggle within them. I was trying to reach his mind and soul, but I couldn't tell if I was getting there or not, there was just too much else. I finally got the strength and I walked around to the left side of the bed and took his hand in mine, and brought it to my lips to kiss it. But his arms were cold and limp, it was if there was nothing there but skin and bone. At that point, I couldn't take it anymore and I just broke down and started to cry. It hurt me so much to see my son laying there like this, I so wished it was me. I felt Mark's arms come around me and he just stood there behind me, holding me up. But it was no use, I needed to sit down, as I started to release Josh's hand from mine to put it back on the bed so that I could go over to the chair, it squeezed mine. My head spun around to look back into Josh's eyes. And with a shaky voice I said, "Josh, do you know who I am?" It looked as if he was trying to speak but he just couldn't. So I said, "If you know who I am, squeeze my hand." I got a tight squeeze, and that was all it took. I started crying. He did remember things. He knew who I was, there was hope there was possibility. Finally after all this, I could see a light at the end of the tunnel, albeit a small one, and very far off, but it was there. I smiled at him, but didn't get one back, but I figured, maybe he couldn't yet, which was fine with me, any sort of communication worked for me at this point. Pointing up at Mark I asked him, "Do you remember who that is?" His eyes looked up and his hand squeezed again. He remembered Mark too! Mark and I both looked at each other with the biggest smiles on our faces. I looked back at Josh and then brought his hand to my lips and kissed them. I then had an idea, which I was actually surprised that the nurses didn't think of it, or maybe they did but didn't say anything. Never the less it didn't matter. I told mark to go get a paper and pen, he may not be able to speak, but he could still communicate, maybe he could write too. Although I realized that his right arm was full of tubes and wires, and he was right handed, maybe he figured out how to write with his left hand too. And then I thought, `haha, he can't even speak but he's going to become left handed. I was nuts.' Mark came back in with a pad and pen gave it to me, and then I looked at josh, put the pad and paper on his lap and asked him, "I know you can't speak, but do you think you could write?" He looked at me, and I think tried to make a facial expression but couldn't do it. He squeezed my hand and then slowly let go and went to take the pen in his hand and slowly (and from what I could tell painfully) wrote, "Dad, I love you" My heart melted and a huge smile broke out on my face and I just responded back out loud, "I love you too Josh, very much" he then kept writing, "What happened? Why I here? In pain" And as quickly as my heart had melted, it now hurt. He didn't remember stuff, and also he was in pain. Which truthfully was no surprise on either issue, but it still hurt me to know about it. I started to get up to go and get the nurse to see if she could up his pain meds, but as I started to move, he grabbed my hand again. I looked back at him and at his eyes and they were following something. I turned to look and Mark was already walking out of the room, to go and get the nurse. I had completely forgotten that he was even there with me. I turned back to Josh to find him writing again. "Dad, I hurt and scared what happen?" I just looked at him with tears in my eyes, I didn't know how to answer him other than, "I don't know what happened. You called late Saturday night said you needed help. And then next time we saw you, it was here." Through his swollen eyes I could see inside him, see his soul and spirit, I could see the pain he was experiencing. I wished I could take it all away from him, hell I wanted to hurt myself, but what could I do other than sit there and be with him. Nothing. He started to write again, "Go get Mark need to talk to him." I nodded and went to get up to get him, but before walking Josh squeezed my hand my hand tightly again and I looked back at him he was holding up the paper all it said was, "Dad I love you" I smiled back at him and said the same, "I love you too Josh, very much." And he gave me a very slight smile, as much as he could with all the bandages. I hated the fact that it hurt him to do that, but on the same token so good that he still could. As I walked out of the room to go and get Mark, I had a weird feeling running through me. Was Josh trying to tell me something? Were his statements indicative of something else? Or was I just driving myself insane again over something that's just not there? I think I better stick with the latter. I found Mark standing at the nursing station talking to one of the nurses and looking at a list of things, as I walked up to them, he turned to me and smiled and asked me how he was, and I said, "Well in pain, and he wants to talk to you." Mark looked at me with a weird face and I said, "Well don't be surprised he's your son too you know, go talk to him!" He shook his head and walked over and into the room. As I stood there at the station with the nurse, she finally spoke and said, "You know he's an amazing person." I laughed and said, "Which one?" She too chuckled and said, "Actually both of them. For one it's incredible that your son is awake and writing, let alone alive. I've been a nurse for 25 years, I've seen a lot, probably too much and in looking at that boy and what his body has gone through it's truly a miracle. And your partner, I can tell you is also quite a specimen himself." All I could do was smile and respond, "Yes they are, and I'm the luckiest man on the earth to have them both in my life. Oh by the way, the younger one said he wants drugs." She laughed again and said, "I know I've got the morphine bag ready to go, we'll switch it to a higher dosage when the other bag runs out. I can't do it before then." She smiled again and walked away. I stood there in a daze running through the events of the past few days, and then looked at my watch and saw the date, October 19th. It was his 18th birthday, and I decided to walk back in and say Happy Birthday to him, at least bring some sort of happiness to the day. As I slowly walked back towards the bed, I paused and watch Josh and Mark interact with each other. It really was a beautiful sight, mark sitting on the edge of the bed looking into Josh's eyes, and he slowly writing on the paper. He handed the paper to Mark and Mark spoke, though I was too far away to hear what was being said, I could see smiles on both of their faces. I actually wished I had a camera on me, it was a sign of love that was just so beautiful. I continued walking over to the bed and said, "You two telling stories about me behind my back?" Mark turned and looked at me and said, "Yep, he's told me things about you that I should have been told years ago. You're lucky I only found out now, I might not have married you." I just ignored the comment and looked over to Josh and said, "The nurse is coming with a new morphine bag, should help with the pain. Also Happy Birthday, you're finally a legal adult!" And I leaned over and kissed him on the forhead. He as well as Mark, looked at me totally shocked. I guess they had both forgotten what day it was, I just smiled more nodded and said, "Yep you're finally 18, but don't think I'm letting you off on anything easy. I'm still your parent, and what I say goes!" He smiled and wrote, "For now old man yes, but that's just because I'm immobile at the moment. I'll show you who's boss." And he just winked at me, that was actually a very comforting moment. He was in good spirits, and it appeared that he believed that he would be able to get better. Whether that was a pep-talk from Mark or his own belief I don't know, but either way it was a good sign.