Date: Tue, 16 Feb 2010 11:01:46 -0500
From: J K <imawriter123@gmail.com>
Subject: Funny Things Happen Part 6

"Funny things Happen" Part 6

Comments welcome at imawriter123@gmail.com

I stood there banging my head against the wall at the same time listening
to the shower wondering what Josh was doing in there, and then again
slapped myself.  I truly had to get this out of my head.  It was sickening,
wrong, and really downright dangerous.  I wasn't sure how was I going to do
it, but I needed to separate myself from this and from Josh in this way.
That said, I immediately got dressed, and started putting everything back
in the suitcases so that as soon as he was out of the bathroom, dressed and
ready to go we could grab a quick breakfast and then get back on the road.
BuT before all of that, the first thing I did was run to the phone and make
reservations in a hotel in New Orleans, and made sure that it was a room
with 2 double beds, there was no way I was taking any chances of going down
this road again.

Just as I had confirmed the reservation and was hanging up the phone, Josh
just walked right out of the bathroom with nothing on, this was now
becoming torture, but I had to remind myself this is wrong, for one the boy
is straight, and two he's my own fucking son.  So to speed up the process
of him getting dressed instead of parading around the room naked, I said,

	"Hey are you going to get some clothes on that ass so we can get
going?  You said you wanted to make New Orleans today and have time to have
some fun in the city.  So if you do, get your ass dressed and moving so we
can get out of here."  He flashed a quick smile at me and then quickly got
dressed and we were out the door and headed down to the car.

Before actually setting off back on the road we grabbed a quick breakfast
at a local diner that we found, he ate like a teenager should, bacon eggs
and cheese , coffee, orange juice and more coffee.  I just sat there and
marveled at him.  Not even in a sexual way, but just as a man and a person.
Who he had become, how he had grown up and so fast, I actually flashed back
16 years, thinking about sitting at a table in a restaurant, listening to
Christine telling me that she was pregnant.  THAT made me shiver again, and
yet at the same time smile, because I saw what I got from that message
sitting right in front of me.

We finished everything, he grabbed the keys out of my hand and was in the
driver's seat with the engine running before I even had a chance to get
into the car.  And I thought to myself how much more mature he was at this
age than I was at 16.  Really kind of funny actually, or maybe not. I guess
it depends on how you look at it.  As we turned onto the high-way and I was
in this world of my own, I heard him start to talk,

	"Dad, tell me something, and please be honest with me here.  What
was the real deal with you?"  And I just looked at him, actually unsure of
what he was asking. But on the same token, I knew exactly what he meant,
and it really wasn't a conversation I wanted to have with my son,
especially not now.  And I responded,

	"What do you mean?"

He just looked at me, this time there was no smile or devilish grin like he
usually had.  This was a serious discussion that he wanted to have. And he
went on,

	"I mean, what made you make the decision to finally break it off
with mom-and I mean before the job offer.  I know that the two of you
didn't love each other, I know mom, had been going out with other guys for
a while. And I'm sure that you knew as well.  And your excuse for putting
up with it all along was me-which was fine and I thank you for it. But I
want to know what made you finally decide not to anymore."

He just looked at me with an expectant face, I guess the one thing he
hadn't figured out, was that I was doing the same thing, except that I was
doing it with men as well and not women. And I just sat there in silence
not knowing really how or if I should tell him everything.  And as I was
going to say something, he said again,

	"Dad, you know you can trust me, you know that I'm mature enough to
understand everything, I honestly don't care what it is one way or another,
I love you no matter what.  And I guess if you really don't want to tell
me, I won't force you or anything, I just thought maybe it would make you
feel better if you did.  But you know what, don't worry about it."

And then he just stopped talking, and a silence fell in the car.  The radio
remained off, and we were flying down the high-way with trucks running by
and the engine going but you could hear nothing, nothing but a deafening
silence. I finally turned to him and said,

	"You are right, you do deserve to know everything. And if you want
to talk then get off the highway and park the car somewhere and let's
talk."  So that said he was off the road in about 2 minutes and stopped at
the first rest-stop we could find. He shut off the engine and turned to
look at me, with a soft, calming and caring face.

	"Josh, I guess there are a lot of things you don't know about me,
or even if you do, you choose not to say and just want to hear from me, and
that's what you deserve, so this is the whole story.  Exactly this time
roughly 16 years ago, I was someone who loved to have fun.  Anything that
was exciting or interesting or that could bring light to a situation I was
interested and tried to be a part of.  I know seems rather different from
what I am now, or at least have been for the past years.  And admittedly
that involved everything sexually and not.  I was sexually active at this
point in my life, as I'm sure you are-and no I won't ask you about yours,
but I was playing with guys and girls-but I had only gone as far as getting
blow-jobs from each.  I was too scared to go any further than that.  And
then for my 17th birthday, I finally decided that I wanted to have real
sex.  And as much as I wanted to do it with a man, I couldn't and I met
your mother, and she convinced me into finally doing it with her.  And that
was the night you were conceived. However the wrench into it all was as I
was doing it, my eyes were closed and I saw a man there not a woman.  It
was at that point that I realized that, that's not who I was.  And I had
every intention of breaking it off with your mother right before we went to
college, but it was then when she broke the news that she was pregnant with
you.  That changed every one of my plans.  I had to put all of my life
aside, because the most important thing in my life was now you.  Yes even 9
months ahead of time, I knew that I was a father and my complete and total
devotion went to that.  And then over the years as you grew up, I spent
every minute with you that I could. It was funny you always refused to
listen to your mother or let her do anything with you as a baby-which
always made me chuckle a bit.  But you were such a beautiful child, and
boy, and now a young man, one that I am so proud of, and so honored to be
able to call my son.  But along the line of you growing up, I knew your
mother was fooling around-and in all honesty it didn't bother me, neither
of us really loved each other, friends yes but further than that no.  She
had her fun, and I finally decided I should be able to have mine, of course
in my case it was with guys.  So yes I know I'm dancing around the issue,
Josh I'm gay, and what made me finally decide to cut the cord from your
mother, was the fact that you had grown up and I knew you would be able to
understand that we didn't love each other and I wanted to be happy again
and have a partner that I loved and loved me back and the only way that was
going to happen was with a man, and the only way that was happening was
when I was no longer in a marriage.  And, well you pretty much know the
rest. "

Again a silence fell in the car, he just stared at me, not saying anything.
I sat there amazed at myself for telling him all of that, but realized that
I needed to, if I was ever going to live the way I wanted to, he needed to
know it.  And he was right I do feel better-at least with the fact that he
knew all of that. What was going to happen further still concerned me.  I
looked at him, into his beautiful eyes, trying to read his expression, and
then I saw tears start to stream down his face. Oh fuck! I just quickly
said,

	"Josh, what's wrong? I'm so sorry I know this was a lot to handle,
I didn't mean to upset you. Oh I'm so sorry!"  But before I even had the
chance to finish talking, he put his hand on my mouth and crawled over to
my seat of the car, put his arms around me and hugged me tighter than he
ever had before, and just whispered in my ear,

	"Dad, it's OK. I love you so much and everything is fine, I know
you feel better now, and so do I.  And I'm so glad you finally told me. I
promise we're fine."

He finally let go and sat back down in his seat, but this time had one of
his million dollar smiles on his face, and yes I did feel better. And he
started to talk again,

	"Now that it's all out, you feel better, I feel better and no more
secrets right?"  I just nodded my head yes, and he said

	"Good. Now, time to get moving again."  And he just sat back down
turned the car on, and sped right back onto the highway headed to New
Orleans.

However, while we had agreed on no more secrets, he never said a word about
himself, or what was going through his mind.  And I was not going to ask
him.  If he wanted to tell me I know that he would there's no question in
my mind about that.  And I really did feel better, even the escapade from
this morning, while it did worry me, and still does -- I think having
this out in the open, helped a great deal --yes I was sexually attracted
to him- no, to his body, but it was something that I would never act on, I
promised that to myself, and I felt confident enough that I could hold true
to that promise-at least for now.