Date: Thu, 18 Feb 2010 09:13:15 -0500
From: J K <imawriter123@gmail.com>
Subject: funny things happen Part 7

"Funny Things Happen" Part 7
Comments welcome at imawriter123@gmail.com

As we got back on to the high-way he flipped on the radio, and for the next
5 hours we really didn't say much to each other.  I think that he was in
his own world maybe contemplating what was said to him, and I was just
intent on trying to figure out what it was, or how it was that we were
going to interact going further.  He said everything was fine, and he
seemed to feel that way and act that way, but I knew he could put on a good
face.  Truthfully I've never been able to read him, he could do it to me
easily, but me him-no.

As I was thinking about it, I realized that while we were both very close,
I always knew where he was, or what he was doing-at least to a certain
degree.  We had been and still are very affectionate, there hasn't been a
day or night in the past 16 years that I haven't gotten a kiss on my cheek
good morning, or one before he went to bed except if he came in late and I
was sleeping.  I knew what sports he liked, what his favorite colors were,
his favorite books – I knew it all.  But at the same time, I felt that
there was a lot that I didn't know.  I could wonder if he was gay or not or
even bi, but I could not make that judgement-not even by a long-shot
because he's been dating girls.  I've even met some of them, and why?
Because he wanted my opinion on them.  I mean how many 15 or 16 year olds
ask their father his opinion on a girlfriend or whether she was worthy or
not??  So no, I could not make any sort of assumption in that area.  So
even if I said to him, `I want to know what your story is,' really that
would flat out be asking `are you gay or not' and that was something that I
would not do.  And in the midst of all this thought I heard him say,

	"Dad, what you thinking about?  You aren't mad at me or upset that
you told me everything are you?  You haven't said a word in the last 5
hours."  And I just looked at him and smiled and said,

	"No Josh, I'm happy that everything is now out in the open, you had
a right to know everything about me, and you should now know that you can
ask me anything you want, and I'll tell you.  Like we said, no more
secrets. I was just sitting here, thinking about you again and what a man
you have grown up to be and you're only 16."

	"OK good, so in that case, we're here.  Where's the hotel that we
are staying at?  We can check in and then I want to see if we can find this
bar-restaurant that I looked up.  It's a place on Burbon Street, supposed
to be great!"

I just looked at him and smiled, he was so genuine, so caring that really
nothing else mattered.  I told him where it was, we went and checked in,
and THANK GOD they got us the right room. Two double beds with a table in
the middle.  At least tonight, I would be able to avoid a repeat of last
night. We dropped everything off, and he was more than eager to find this
restaurant, while I'm sure that it was hunger that was fueling it, it may
not have been all of it.

It was amazing watching him look around and scan and experience the unique
culture of New Orleans-the many different walks of life that existed here.
As I was looking around at the streets and what was going on-a lot of what
seemed like cleaning, and then I realized what time of year it was. It was
3 days after Mardi Gras had ended, and I wondered whether he had planned it
that way or not, either way the look on his face of awe and wonderment was
enough for me to know that he was happy.  I finally heard him say,

	"Dad, I found it! Right over there on the corner."

I looked up to see what he was pointing to.  Interesting a steak-house,
that wasn't actually what I was expecting him to pick out.  I thought it
would have been a different type of restaurant, not sure what kind, but not
a specific steak place.  As we were walking closer and got to be in front
of the door, I saw the unmistakable gay flag.  As I looked away from the
window and over to Josh, I saw one of those devilish smiles.  Yep my first
thought was right he had this all planned out and specifically to boot.

	"Well I know how much we like steak and I've heard that this is the
best around , So let's go!"

So we walked into the place, and I just scanned around, looked quiet, at
least what was quiet for this city in the early evening.  As we were led
over to a table, I caught a view of Josh's face and saw that devil smile
still on his face, and knew another discussion was coming, what about this
time, I'm wasn't sure. So I looked at him and said,

	"OK smart ass, what's the deal here?  I know you picked this place
out more than just by reading or hearing about. " And he just looked at me
with that smile and sincerity, and just melted me completely, haha I was
definitely wrapped around his finger.

	"Well, I figured that I would get you to tell me what you did in
the car, actually I was praying that you would.  And now that you did, we
can talk about everything else that I've wanted to but never had the
ability to."  Now I was actually was a bit concerned, in the sense that he
felt that he couldn't talk about things. But he went on,

	"Dad, I've known what you told me today for quite a while, almost 2
years.  And how?  You are going to ask.  Simple I asked mom.  Haha she was
easier to get things out of than you know.  Yes, surprise, surprise she
knew what you were doing and with who for years.  And didn't care, about
that or anything else really, but that's regardless at this point.  I'm
going to tell you what I told you earlier in the car, I don't care who you
are, I love you no matter what.  I just want you to be happy, and now that
we're going to be living together – for real, I wanted you to know that
it's going to be our house and you have every right to bring your
boyfriends home to meet me, just as much as I'm going to bring the girls
home to meet you.  If you ask, I'll give you my opinions on them, and the
same vice-versa.  I want you to be as happy as possible without worrying
about me-there's nothing holding you back anymore, not one thing. You will
find a partner that's right for you, that is everything that you want and
more.  And that's that.  OK I'm done."

I just stared at him, I had tears in my eyes, I couldn't believe what I had
just heard, out of a 16 year old no less!  But I didn't have to dissect it,
or ponder it.  It was plain and simple he put out everything that had to be
said.  It was time to be happy for both of us and now there was complete
and total freedom to do that, and I guess now we will. I just continued to
look at him and tear and said all that I could think of at that point,

	"I can't express enough how proud I am to have the right and
ability to call you my son.  Thank you, and I love you just as much if not
more."  He just smiled with that beautiful smile and looked at me with
those sapphire blue eyes, and at that point, everything was just perfect,
too perfect.

It was at that point that I realized I was in real trouble.  I had already
fallen in love, the lover and partner that's right for me and that is
everything that I want and more is sitting at the table directly across
from me.  But he said it today, he's got his girls, and well that's that.
I was going to have to find someone else to match him.  Too bad, that even
then I knew that was impossible.  It was either going to be a very lonely
life or one that I was going to have to find someone that was subpar, and
deal with that.

As I watched, Josh eat and eat like teenager that he was, he really was
beautiful, mentally and physically.  And as he grew I knew that he would
become even more beautiful in every way possible.  And as much as I wanted
him, and desired him, I was going to have to hold myself at bay, because
that was not the life style he wanted-at least not with a man.  But
difficult as it may be, just as he was there to support me I was going to
do the exact same thing for him, no questions asked.

We finally finished eating and left the restaurant, and walked around town,
looking and watching all that was going on around us, until the king of
`spunk' and ever-lasting energy finally admitted that he was tired and
wanted to go back to the hotel.  So, we turned around and walked back to
the hotel, and the whole way, as tired as he admitted to being, he just
kept on talking about what we had seen, and what we would and could have
seen.  We finally got into the room, he went straight to the bathroom,
pissed out the beer, that I had let him have in the restaurant, brushed his
teeth, then came out stripped down to his boxers and just stood there for a
minute.  I could feel his eyes boring in to me, but I didn't dare look up,
because I know what it would do to me, and I couldn't let that happen.  And
then I heard him walk over, he kissed me on the cheek just like every other
night of his life, said `I love you, g'nite!' crawled into opposite bed
closed his eyes and went to sleep.

I got up and went to the bathroom, took care of myself and then walked back
out and looked down at him curled up in the covers as he slept, and
marveled again, at how beautiful he really was in every possible way.  And
all I could think was,

	"God, if he only knew how and how much I loved him."