Date: Tue, 18 Sep 2007 16:35:50 -0500
From: Morris Henderson <bigmoh@post.com>
Subject: Grandson's Education

NOTE:  If you are offended by descriptions of sexual
activities between a man and a boy who are related or
if it is illegal for you to read such material, leave now.


Chapter 1 -- Prelude

Jerry Knowland was an extremely successful executive in a
regional bank whose branches spread across the state.  When
the current president announced his retirement, it was generally
agreed that Jerry would succeed him as president of the bank.
Several of the Board Members had privately assured him of his
promotion.  Jerry was, of course, thrilled by the prospect.  It
would be the culmination of his career and, at age 54, he could
expect at least another decade of increasing influence in the
community, considerably more income, and the chance to
implement changes in the bank to make it more competitive.

But two events would change all of that.

Jerry's wife of more than 30 years was diagnosed with inoperable
lung cancer and given six months to live.  Although their love for
each other withered years ago, Jerry, out of compassion and duty,
devoted more time to caring for her and less time on his many
responsibilities at the bank.  His distraction and frequent
absence from the office left him out of the loop, which resulted
in being completely blind-sided by the second disaster.

The event that sealed Jerry's fate was a bid from a much larger
bank to acquire Jerry's bank.  The Board saw the offer as
irresistable and, after a short period of negotiation, consented
to the deal.  Upon Jerry's wife's death, the new owners of the
bank offered Jerry a job at their headquarters. The job was a
good one but not one that Jerry would enjoy so he negotiated
a lucrative severance package and took an early retirement.

What no one at the bank or in the community knew was that
Jerry, after the initial disappointment of a premature end to his
career, welcomed the turn of events for two reasons.

First, he was free from the increasingly onerous demands of
his job.  With ample money, he could finally begin to enjoy
doing what he liked: travel, fishing, and painting.

Second, he was free from a "marriage of convenience."  He had
married young partly in the futile hope that it would "cure" his
attraction to men but mostly on the theory that a traditional
marriage was essential to career advancement and acceptance
in the community.  His wife was, in fact, a distinct advantage to
his career--she was the amiable hostess and supportive of
Jerry's dedication to his job--but his attraction to men only
increased.  While he had no gay experiences after early
experimentation in high school and a brief relationship in
college, his fantasies--even when having sex with his wife--always included men.

Jerry had one daughter and one grandson, both of whom he
adored.  His son-in-law was killed in a freak accident on a
construction site when Kevin, Jerry's grandson, was only three.
Jerry became a substitute father for Kevin and thoroughly
enjoyed playing with him as a child, taking him to ball games and
movies, fishing, and generally being the primary adult male in
his life.  Their bond only deepened as Kevin grew into a bright,
athletic pre-teen.  Kevin was, in effect, the son Jerry never had
and he relished being the substitute father.

In the first summer of Jerry's early retirement, Kevin was 15.
Jerry convinced his daughter to let Kevin travel with him on a
camping and fishing trip for a week or so.  She was initially
reluctant to part with her only child for so long but eventually
yielded to the argument that Kevin would enjoy it and that it was,
perhaps, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.  The following year,
Kevin would be 16, have a car, a summer job, and probably
a girlfriend.  That would virtually preclude another opportunity
to take a vacation together.

The experience, Jerry argued, would add a new dimension to
Kevin's education.  Kevin excelled academically but lacked
exposure to anything beyond 50 miles from home.  That
argument seemed to clinch the deal and she reluctantly agreed.

No one knew at the time, however, the startling direction that
Kevin's education would take.  If Jerry had the barest inkling
of what would happen between he and his grandson, he would
not have suggested the plan.

Kevin was elated when asked if he would like to go on the
trip.  He cherished the times that he spent with his grandpa and
that, more than the prospect of vacation travel, delighted him.

Jerry also looked forward to an extended vacation camping
fishing, hiking, and generally enjoying his escape from the
corporate rat race.  That he would have his grandson as
company only added to the allure of the trip.

Kevin's excitment grew as the day of departure neared.  His
exuberance even wore on his mother to the point where she was
impatient for the time when Kevin would not be bouncing around
the house and bombarding her with complaints that he couldn't
wait.

Grandpa had bought Kevin camping and fishing gear and a
small wardrobe of appropriate clothing.  His mother's contribution
was a cell phone and a pleading request that he phone home
at least twice a week.  Kevin initially objected but, at his
grandpa's urging, promised to comply.

At dawn one morning in late July, Jerry packed his things in the
back of his Jeep Grand Cheroke 4x4 and drove to his
daughter's house to pick up Kevin and his things.  He had only
pulled into the driveway when Kevin bounded out of the house
like a thoroughbred from the starting gate.  He had slept very
little the night before and all of his things had been carried to
the front of the garage long before Jerry's arrival so as not to
delay their departure any more than necessary.  It would be hard
to say which of the two was more eager to begin their adventure
but clearly Kevin's teenage exuberance was almost out of
control.

Jerry helped Kevin load his bags in the Jeep and a tearful
mother bid her son goodbye with the obligatory reminders to
be careful, to mind his grandpa, and to stay in touch.

For the first fity miles of the drive north to the border, Kevin
remained animated and talkative but his lack of sleep soon
took its toll and just more than an hour into the drive, he fell
asleep.  Jerry loved his grandson and delighted in the boy's
obvious happiness but welcomed the silence.  It gave him
ample opportunity to reflect on the unexpected but welcomed
turn of events that allowed him to enjoy the activities that he
never had enough time for.

It was just past noon when they reached northern Michigan.
Jerry was hungry, tired from driving and eager to stop for the
night.  He turned off I-75 at Vanderbilt.  He was familiar with
the area because he had spent one of his rare vacations at
a nearby lake.  He pulled into a little cafe where he had found
"home-cooked" food that he had enjoyed on previous visits.  He
parked in front and looked over to Kevin who still slept soundly.
He was about to nudge him awake when he noticed a bulge in
the boy's pants--the unmistakable sign of a morning woodie and
the need to empty the bladder.  Jerry chuckled at the sight.
Although Jerry's  secret attraction to men caused a minor
twitching of his cock, this was, after all, his grandson so he
thought no more about it as he jiggled his grandson's shoulder
and called his name.

Kevin woke slowly but eventually asked, "Where are we?"

"Vanderbilt, Michigan.  It's lunch time.  Are you hungry?"

"Don't know," the boy replied, still shaking off his slumber.
"But I do know that I gotta pee."  That he said that was merely
evidence of the uninhibited conversation between the two.

"I can see that," Jerry chuckled as he nodded toward Kevin's
crotch.

Kevin looked down, blushed, and said, "Damn.  It does that at
the most awkward times."

"Perfectly normal," Jerry said to relieve Kevin's embarrassment
but then couldn't resist the temptation to ask, "Think you can
make it into the rest room in the cafe with that growth between
your legs?"

"Grandpa!" Kevin exclaimed indignantly.  Although the two
enjoyed teasing each other, his grandpa's joke about his private
parts only increased his embarrassment.  Almost defiantly, he
opened his door and walked toward the cafe's entrance,
leaving Jerry to follow and chuckle inwardly about his grandson's
awkward gait.

When they entered the men's room, Jerry was not surprised to
see that Kevin went into a stall to sit down.  Perhaps he was
still shy about his erection; perhaps his bowels were as full as
his bladder.  Or, perhaps like Jerry as a virile youngster,
sitting down to pee was easier with a stiffy.

After eating, the two climbed into the Jeep and Jerry drove off
toward I-75.  But instead of taking the entrance ramp, he took
a country road heading west.

"Where are you going?" Kevin asked.

"To a lovely little lake near here.  I was there a few years
ago and it's beautiful.  The southwest side of the lake is still
relatively undeveloped and secluded.  I thought we could set up
camp there, stretch our weary bones, and relax before going
on."

"Is that where we'll camp, then?" Kevin said.

"For a while, anyway.  There are some other places I have in
mind as well but we can start here.  We're not bound by a
particular schedule.  Besides, unless I'm mistaken, you'll
want to stay at the lake a day or so before we head on to
discover new places.  We can fish, swim, hike, and just
enjoy ourselves for a while.  Okay?"

"Sure," the boy responded.  "What's the place like?"

"I'd rather you see it and form your own impressions.  Part of the
joy in traveling like this is exploring new places, letting things
happen, and not be a slave to a fixed schedule."

Kevin had learned that his grandpa always gave good advice
and for some time he pondered the implications of what he had
just heard.  Ultimately, he concluded that he would accept the
spirit of adventure and exploration.  Of course, he didn't realize
at the time that the explorations would result in immense
pleasure the likes of which he could never have imagined.  Nor
did Jerry.  The experiences he was to have with his grandson --
experiences that would have to remain a secret between them --
would eclipse every other aspect of their vacation together.


Chapter 2 -- A Day of Joy, A Night of Hell

They arrived at the lake in about 15 minutes.  It was just as
Jerry remembered it--a small, pear-shaped lake only about a mile
across but a deep clear blue and surounded by undeveloped
forest.  The dirt road from the sparsely travelled paved road was
somewhat more overgrown than he recalled but that was a good
sign because it meant few people had been using it.  They
could enjoy the seclusion on the isolated shore but not be far
from stores for food and supplies.

Kevin was, as Jerry expected, enthralled with the setting.  His
comments were peppered with wow, cool, awesome, and
beautiful.

Jerry pulled off the dirt road near the spot where he had camped
before and was planning to pitch the tent and set up the camp
site right away.  Kevin, however, jumped out of the Jeep and ran
down to the lake shore.  Moments later, Jerry joined him, more
than delighted to see that his grandson was as captivated by
the location as he was.

The sat on a large rock at the water's edge and talked for
several minutes.  Both of them as happy as they had been for
a long time.  The sun bore down on them from a cloudless sky
and before long it was uncomfortably hot sitting on the rock.

Kevin slipped off his shoes and socks, dangled his feet in the
cool water, and asked,  "Is it safe to swim in the lake?"

"Just two reasons not to," Jerry replied.  "One is that the water
is quite cool--not like the pool at the Y.  The other is the size
of the fish."

"Fish?" Kevin asked, not expecting one of his grandpa's jokes.

"Yes.  A few of them are quite big.  If they're hungry, they might
just swallow you for lunch."

Kevin good-naturedly laughed at yet another trap his grandpa
had sprung on him.  "There's another reason," Kevin mused.
"I forgot to pack my swim trunks."

"No need for them, Kevin.  There's absolutely nobody around
so you can go skinny-dipping."

"You mean naked?" Kevin asked incredulously.

"Why not?" Jerry replied.  "It's only you and me here."

Kevin studied his grandpa's face for signs of another trick but
couldn't find any.  "You're teasing me again, aren't you," he said.

"Not this time.  If you want to swim, just strip and jump in."

"Sure," Kevin replied.  "As soon as I do, you'll laugh at me."

"No, I won't," Jerry said.  "In fact, I feel like a cool dip myself.
I'll join you."  With that, Jerry took off his shoes, socks, and shirt.
He was unbuckling his belt when Kevin said, "You ARE serious.
It's really okay to swim naked here?"

"Of course."

Jerry was now down to his boxers and Kevin enthusiastically
removed his shirt and pants.  Then he abruptly stopped as he
caught sight of a completely nude man standing next to him.
He had seen a few pictures of nude men in art and biology
books in the library.  He was somewhat aroused by them but
seeing a real man with nothing on was infinitely more arousing.

He had never seen his grandpa any way but completely clothed
and he was overcome with the sight of a 54-year-old man with
such a fit, masculine body--somewhat hairy chest, flat stomach,
muscular legs, and not a bit of flab anywhere.  Compulsively,
Kevin's eyes were drawn to his grandpa's crotch where an
impressive cock hung down from a thicket of pubes and in
front of low-hanging balls.  His stare unconsciously revealed an
interest that had been growing stronger since he entered
puberty, an interest that he knew was socially unacceptable but
had become something of an obsession with him.

Jerry, normally a very perceptive man, noticed Kevin's stare but
failed to interpret its meaning correctly.  Sex and his grandson
had never occupied the same thought in his mind.  Instead, he
reasoned that it was probably the boy's first exposure to a nude
adult and was merely curious and perhaps speculating whether
his genitals would eventually assume similar proportions.  Jerry
tolerantly allowed Kevin to have a good look and then said,
"Well.  Are you going swimming with me or not?"

Jolted out of his fixation on his grandpa's crotch, Kevin worried
that his innermost interests had been revealed.  He quickly
recovered, pulled off his boxers, and stepped into the water
until it was waist high.  Although it was a brief glimpse, Jerry
noted with some surprise that his grandson had matured more
than he would have imagined.  He had full pubes and a cock as
long and thick as, Jerry thought, an 18-year-old.  There was a
thin coating of hair on his legs but his chest was bare.  The
muscles in his chest had not yet fully developed but he was
clearly no longer the younster that Jerry remembered.  Not only
was Kevin ahead of his peers intellectually but, it was now clear,
also physically.  He was startled to realize that the sight of a
naked, well-developed boy--his grandson--so powerfully
awakened feelings that he had been suppressing for years.

Jerry quickly chided himself for admiring his grandson's body
and strode into the water.  They splashed each other, laughed
constantly, and swam for about half an hour before climbing
back onto the shore.

"We should have brought towels from our luggage," Kevin
mused as he shook the water out of his hair.

"Next time we will," Jerry said.  "But for now, we'll have to let
the sun dry us off."  With that, he walked a few yards to a grassy
spot and laid down on his back with his hands behind his head
for a pillow.  Kevin, quite unaccustomed to such a disregard for
modesty, watched his grandpa in disbelief and sat on the warm
rock in a position that would hide his privates but allow him to
look at his grandpa who laid motionless with his eyes closed.

As he watched, his grandpa's balls recovered from the chill of
the water and sagged.  Kevin found himself wondering what his
grandpa's cock would look like with a hard-on and, for that
matter, whether it still got hard at his age.  Those thoughts
amplified the stimulation he got from looking at a nude male
adult and he felt his own cock begin to swell.  "This won't do,"
he thought.  "If grandpa sees me with a boner, he'll guess
my secret."  He stepped to the water's edge, splashed cool
water on his firming cock, and returned to the rock determined
to divert his attention from the naked form of the man he loved
like a father.  His plan didn't work.  His cock seemed to have a
mind of its own, as most teen cocks do, and continued to stiffen.
Kevin then did the only thing he knew was a sure-fire way to
solve his problem.  Crouching out of sight behind the large rock,
he masturbated while anxiously listening for any sign that his
grandpa was approaching.  It was a quickie--not very satisfying
but effective in deflating his errant cock.

Surprisingly quickly, the sun's heat and the gentle breeze left
both Jerry and Kevin dry.  Kevin dressed and called to his
grandpa to get dressed before he got a sunburn.  With regret
to see his grandpa put his clothes on but with simultaneous
releif that his reaction to nude male body wouldn't embarrass
him, Kevin watched his grandpa dress.

"How about helping me set up the tent," Jerry asked and Kevin
eagerly agreed.  Thirty minutes later, amid instructions to Kevin
and lots of friendly banter, the tent was set up, the sleeping bags
were in place inside. and their "lodging" for the night was ready.

"I'll bet you're hungry," Jerry said.  "Do you want to catch some
squirrels for dinner or should we go find a place to eat?"

"If you catch 'em, I'll cook 'em," Kevin laughed.  His retorts to
his grandpa's teasing were coming more easily and were more
creative, which made both Kevin and Jerry proud and served to
cement their bond further.

After a delicious meal in the nearest town, they returned to their
camp site just after sunset.  They set off to gather fire wood and
as the darkness crept over them, they built a fire.

Sitting by the camp fire, Jerry turned to Kevin and asked, "Tell
me, Kevin.  And be honest.  Is this better than playing a video
game at home?"

"Tons better," he replied without hesitation.  Then, he thought
for a moment and said, "Grandpa, I want you to know how much I
appreciate your bringing me along.  Ricky--he's a friend at
school--went camping with his dad last year and I was jealous.
But this beats the crap out of what he did."  Jerry ignored the
near-profanity and let Kevin continue.  "And there's something
else I want you to know.  I appreciate you're being a buddy to
me.  You're more than a grandpa.  You're my best friend."  He
paused just a moment and concluded with, "I love you."

Kevin's obvious sincerity in expressing his love moved Jerry
almost to tears.  He enveloped Kevin in his arms, gave him a
long bear-hug, and murmurred, "I love you too."  They
embraced for several minutes, each one relishing the close
bond the embrace represented.  Jerry had hugged his grandson
before but much less frequently in recent years.  Not that he
didn't want to; it's just not cool for a teenager to hug.  This
hug, however, had a qualitatively different effect on them both
because it was a manifestation of deep, abiding love.  Neither
of them realized that their loving embrace was a portent of things
to come.

The fire had died down to embers when Jerry suggested that
they turn in for the night.  Kevin was completely willing in spite
of having slept the entire morning away during the long drive
on I-75.

Kevin searched his luggage and found his pajamas.  On
returning from the Jeep, he found his grandpa dousing the
remaining embers of the fire with water from the lake.  Both then
entered the tent to get ready for bed.  Kevin laid out his pajamas
on the sleeping bag and noticed that his grandpa didn't have
any.  "Did you forget to pack your PJ's," he asked.

"Don't have any.  I've slept in my birthday suit since I was your
age."

"How come?" Kevin asked innocently.

"It just never made sense to me to wear special clothes to bed
when you've got blankets--or in this case a sleeping bag--to
keep you warm."  That, of course, was a white lie.  Jerry began
sleeping nude for easier access to his cock and the habit
continued even though his late wife initially objected to his lack
of modesty.  There were a few close calls when his daughter was
very young and hadn't learned to respect the privacy of her
parents' bedroom.  But even now, Jerry enjoyed the free access
to his cock and often fell asleep with one or both hands laid
gently on his crotch.

Jerry was Kevin's idol in many ways so he said, "Well then,
that's what I'll do, too."  He had frequently wanted to do that
recently but something held him back.  Perhaps it was a vague
fear of being found out and accused of being naughty.  Such
is the subtle way that society imposes restrictions on anything
that hints of sexuality.  However, if grandpa slept nude, it must
be okay and Kevin siezed on the opportunity to do the same.

Suddenly, however, he realized the implication of being naked
and, more significantly, seeing his grandpa naked.  Therefore,
he undressed as quickly as he could and crawled into the
sleeping bag before his disobedient cock had a chance to react.
But, safely hidden from view, it did react as Kevin watched his
grandpa casually strip, not bothering to turn away from Kevin's
probing eyes.

Jerry fell asleep very quickly but Kevin laid awake with forbidden
thoughts commanding his attention.  Although he was not to the
point of admitting that he was gay, his attraction to other boys
and to men was compelling.  Girls held no interest for him; only
the thoughts of other boys or men filled his fantasies when he
masturbated.  He mentally undressed boys and men but was
never aroused at the thoughts of a naked female.  He craved
sexual intimacy with other boys but never had the courage or
the opportunity to fulfill that need.  He recognized that he was
different than most boys or at least what society expected of
boys--it could hardly be ignored--but he wasn't ready to admit
that he was gay.

Now, he realized that he was attracted to his grandfather more
deeply than to any other boy or man in his life.  That, he knew,
was not only homosexual but was incest.  Homosexuality was
not socially acceptable.  Sexual relations between an adult and
a minor was worse.  But incest seemed to be the worst of all.

He grappled with his dilemma--respectability versus lust for,
of all people, his grandfather.  His love for his grandpa and his
teen hormones pulled him one direction.  He was horny and
attracted to his grandpa.  However, fear of the consequences
of any sexual contact pulled him in an opposite direction.  His
grandpa would be offended and may even hate him for even
thinking such thoughts.   He was being figuratively drawn and
quartered.  And it hurt in ways that promised no relief from the
pain.  He was mature beyond his age but had no experience
coping with these new urges that could not be met.  Frustrated
and tormented, he finally fell asleep.


Chapter 3 --  Out in the Open

When Kevin awoke the next morning, his grandpa's sleeping
bag was empty for which he was grateful because he could
dress without the embarrassment of exposing his usual morning
woodie.  Emerging from the tent, he saw his grandpa had built
a fire to chase away the morning chill.  He walked a short
distance into the woods, briefly considered a quick jerk off, but
decided he would just piss.  The stream of urine arced high as
it shot out from his very erect cock.  Kevin found himself
comparing the trajectory of piss with that of cum, which then
restored the tormented thoughts of the night before when he
lay despondently wrestling with his sexual needs versus the
fear of satisfying or even revealing them.  He returned to the
camp site in a mental funk.

Jerry was now fixing a breakfast of pancakes over the fire.
"And a good morning to you," he said to Kevin with just a tinge
of sarcasm because Kevin had not bothered to speak to his
grandpa on his way to piss.

Still in a funk, Kevin replied unenthusiastically, "Morning."

"I thought we might do a little fishing this morning.  With any
luck, we can catch enough to have for lunch."

"Okay," Kevin grunted.

"Are you always grouchy in the morning?" Jerry asked.

"Sorry," he replied apologetically but unwilling to explain what
was bothering him.

"Then, this afternoon when it's warmer, we could swim some
more.  How's that sound?"

Swimming meant only one thing to Kevin in his current mood--
nudity...arousal...embarrassment...risking the disclosure of his
secret desires.  With a clearly artificial tone of cheerfulness,
Kevin said "Okay, grandpa."

Jerry recognized, of course, that something was troubling his
grandson but decided, for the time being, to let it go.  Later, if
Kevin didn't return to his usual, animated self, he would pursue
the matter.

Soon, the two campers were on the shore of the lake.  Jerry was
pleased to see that the boy's mood had improved somewhat as
he concentrated on casting a fly out into the lake and making the
first catch of the day.  Still, the boy seemed to have only a
fraction of the enthusiasm of the day before.

Having caught enough fish for a light lunch, Jerry suggested
that they just dangle a baited hook in the water and relax.  Kevin
readily agreed.  Jerry's motive was not relaxation although that
would be pleasant but, rather, creating an opportunity to talk to
his grandson, identify the source of any problem, and help him
through to a solution.  "Homesick?" he asked.

"Not at all," Kevin replied immediately.

Moments later, "Are you feeling all right?"

"I'm fine."

That sort of probing did little to reveal what, if anything, was
causing Kevin's uncharacteristically subdued mood so Jerry
decided to take a more direct approach.  "Forgive me for
asking but I've noticed that you seem a little out of sorts today.
If something is troubling you, I'd like to help.  Is there
something bothering you?"

The question instantly revived Kevin's turmoil about sex, being
different, and his forbidden attraction to his grandfather.  He
said, "No, nothing's wrong."  But his slight scowl conflicted with
his words and betrayed some unrevealed problem.

Jerry contemplated his next approach for a few silent, awkward
minutes before saying, "Last night, you said I was your best
friend.  I was immensely flattered because you mean so very
much to me.  As your best friend, I want to help you whenever
I can.  If something is bothering you, I'd like you to tell me so
I can understand and help you."

Kevin looked into his grandpa's face.  He knew that his grandpa
loved him but telling him what the problem was would risk losing
that love...losing his best and only good friend.  He couldn't
bring himself to confessing the truth.  Jerry correctly assumed
that there was a problem, that the problem was serious, and
that Kevin--for an yet unknown reason--was reluctant to talk
about it.  To encourage Kevin to explain the problem, Jerry
wrapped his arm around the boy and held him close.  "Talk to
me, Kevin.  Talk to your best friend."

That simple expression of love and support seemed to unglue
Kevin's resolve to conceal his feelings.  Unable to control his
tumultuous emotions, Kevin buried his head into his
grandfather's chest and began to cry.

Jerry was simultaneously relieved that he seemed to be on a
path leading to exposing the problem, greatly saddened that
the problem was distressing his grandson so much, and
hopeful that, somehow, he might be able to help.  While he
comforted the boy and let him cry, he racked his brain trying
to recall some clue as to what Kevin's problem might be.  He
came up with no viable theory.

Kevin's crying had subsided. Jerry put a hand under his chin
and gently raised his head so he could look into the boy's face.
"Talk to me, Kevin.  Tell me what's hurting you.  I want to help
but I have to know what the problem is."

"No," Kevin sputtered through his tears.  "You'll hate me.  I just
couldn't bear that."

"I'll never hate you, Kevin.  I love you.  I always will.  But it hurts
me to see you hurting.  Let me help if I can."  Jerry then kissed
Kevin lightly on the forehead, which triggered another burst of
sobs from Kevin who loved his grandpa, trusted him, but was
still afraid of divulging his shameful secret.

After several minutes of hugging his grandson, whose tears
were a little more under control, Jerry still had no clue as to
the nature of the problem but was more resolved than ever to help.

Finally, Kevin gained enough composure to say, "You must
think I'm a baby for crying."

"Not at all," Jerry said softly.  "I've cried many times in my
life.  I cried when your mother was born.  I cried when you were
born.  Those were tears of happiness.  But I've also cried when
I was sad and upset.  I cried when your father died.  I cried when
your grandmother died.  Remember when I promised to come
to your soccer championship game and I wasn't there because
I had to go out of town?  That night I cried because I wasn't
there for you and had broken a promise to you.  I've cried lots of
times.  It's perfectly okay to cry.  What's not okay is to suffer
alone when somebody else can help.  Let me help you, Kevin."

"But you'll hate me," Kevin sputtered.

"Never!" Jerry said emphatically.  "I can't promise that I can
make your pain go away but I can promise that I will always love
you.  And that's a promise I can and will keep."

Kevin knew that his grandpa meant what he said.  He would
probably disapprove of the feelings he harbored but he would
continue to love him.  He made the difficult and courageous
decision to reveal his secret.  Disengaging from their embrace,
Kevin sat with his knees up against his chest, his arms around
his legs, and his head buried in his arms as though saying what
he was about to say would be easier without seeing his
grandfather's reaction.

"I like boys, grandpa.  I don't like girls.  I'm different.  I'm weird.
But I can't help it.  I masturbate thinking of other boys, never
girls.  I think I may be queer...a sick queer."

At last, Jerry knew what the problem was.  At last he was in a
position to help his grandson.  "You may or may not be gay,
Kevin.  But if you are, it's as normal as being left-handed in
a right-handed world.  And you're certainly not sick because you
like boys."

Without looking at his grandfather, Kevin continued.  "I think I
am sick.  I decided that last night.  Remember when we were
swimming?  Seeing you naked gave me a boner.  I wanted to
touch you, give you a hard-on, make you cum.  But you're my
grandpa.  Being sexually attracted to your grandpa is sick, isn't
it?  And now that I've told you, I've ruined our vacation.  I've
made you ashamed of me."

"Come sit next to me, Kevin."

Kevin looked for the first time in a long while at his grandfather
who was smiling.  Maybe what he said about always loving him
was true.  Kevin, encouraged by his grandpa's acceptance of
his confession, moved over to sit next to his beloved grandpa.

Jerry wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulders and said, "Let
me tell you about two friends of mine.  It was many years ago.
Both men were gay.  Both of them went through the same
agonizing turmoil that you feel now.  One made a decision to
accept his attraction to men and became an openly gay man.
He lost some friends but gained other friends.  A few members
of his family strongly disapproved of his gay life style but
eventually accepted him.  The other man made a different
decision.  He concealed his real interests.  He got married just
to conform to society's expectations.  He had a family and was
respected in the community.  He was reasonably happy but
throughout his life he was haunted by his secret urges to be
with a man, to go to bed with a man, to have a truly loving
relationship with a man."  Jerry paused briefly to allow Kevin to
digest the stories and, hopefully, compare the two alternatives.
Continuing, he added, "Which of the two men made the right
choice, Kevin?"

Kevin thought long and hard, wanting to give the correct
answer.  But as he contrasted the two stories and projected
the implications onto his own future, he only got more confused.
Eventually, he said, "I don't know, grandpa.  They both seem
right and they both seem wrong.  The first man was honest but
the second man was not.  The first man lost respect of his
friends and family but the second man lost what really meant
a lot to him. What's the correct answer?"

Jerry smiled broadly and said, "You've already given the correct
answer.  Every gay boy that ever lived had to make a choice.
Each choice has consequences -- some good, some bad.
There is no right or wrong choice.  It's just a choice.  It comes
down to making a decision.  If you are indeed gay--and I really
think it's too soon to know that--you have to make a decision.
Will you live the gay life with its rewards and consequences or
will you live a straight life with its different rewards and
consequences.  It's a tough decision, I know, and you don't
have to decide right away.  In fact, I think you should wait a
few years to decide.  During that time we can talk a lot more
about it.  I'm sure I can help you make the your decision."

Kevin was very pleased that his grandpa had not reacted with
disgust but, rather, had understood and accepted his feelings.
He hugged his grandpa and said, "I love you more than ever.
Thanks for not hating me."

"I've promised that I would always love you, Kevin.  And I'll
make another promise.  I will always be honest with you.  If I
think you're doing something wrong or stupid, I'll tell you.  If I
think you're doing something right or smart, I'll tell you that as
well.  And telling me about your problem was right and smart.
I'm very proud of you."

Kevin grinned at the compliment but also because he was more
sure than ever of his grandfather's love and support.  They
continued to hug each other for a while before Kevin said,
"Those two men.  You made them up, right?  Just to make a
point?"

"No, Kevin.  The first man--the one who was openly gay--was
a fraternity brother of mine in college.  He's a lawyer in San
Franciso now.  We exchange emails once in a while.  He's
very successful and very happy.  He's suffered some painful
discrimination in his life but he doesn't regret the choice he
made while in college."

"And the second man?" Kevin asked.

Jerry knew that question was coming but he was still unprepared
to answer it.  To do so would reveal his own secret identity that
he had so jealously guarded for decades.  However, he knew
what the answer, however painful and risky, must be.  "Kevin,
I've promised that I would always be honest with you and I'm
compelled to keep that promise.  The second man is me."

Kevin stared blankly at his grandfather for a moment before the
significance of what he heard triggered a look of complete
surprise on his face.  Without thinking, he blurted out, "YOU?
You're gay?  But you married grandma.  Had sex with her.
You're a father and a grandfather."

"Yes, Kevin.  I'm a gay man who chose to lead a straight life.
I made a choice when I was not much older than you are now.
It seemed to me to be the right choice at the time and I've had
more than my share of satisfactions in life.  Chief among them
is you.  I thoroughly enjoy your company and I'm very proud of
your achievement in school and athletics."

"If you were gay like me when you were young, you must have
wanted it as bad as I do.  And you didn't get what you really
wanted.  Or did you?"  Kevin suddenly realized how tactless
his question was and quickly added, "Sorry.  You don't have to
answer that."

"Ah, but I think I should because it might help you come to terms
with your feelings and help you make a decision about your
future.  I messed around with a couple of boys in high school.
Nothing serious.  It was pure sex.  I had a steady boyfriend in
college and we were much more intimate with each other but
we eventually agreed that there was no real love between us
so we broke it off.  Since that time, I've never been with another
man.  So what's the lesson in that?  I suppose it is that it's
okay to mess around with another boy who is willing and even
have a steady boyfriend.  But you must always be very discrete
and you must think seriously about compatibility and genuine
love before committing to a meaningful relationship."

Kevin quietly considered what he had heard before saying,
"So it's okay to be gay?"

"Is it okay to be left-handed?  Or have red hair?  It's different
from most people.  But being gay is not just different.  It's
something that many people don't understand.  Because they
don't understand it, and because many religions preach that
it's sinful, people treat gays as sick or sinful or perverts.
If you decide to live as an open gay, you can expect others to
discriminate against you...even be cruel to you.  As I said, you
have a tough decision to make.  But rest assured, I will help
you understand the consequences of your decision.  Most
important of all, Kevin, I will support whatever decision you
make."

"Thanks, grandpa.  For listening to me.  For understanding and
not hating me.  For helping me.  I feel a lot better now."

"Just one more thing before we fry up our fish for lunch.  We've
told each other things that we've never told anyone else.  It's a
secret between good friends.  Okay?"

"Okay," Kevin grinned.  "But there's lots more I have to learn
from you so can we talk some more later?"

Jerry was genuinely pleased that he had begun to ease the
burden that tormented his grandson.  He even looked forward
to more discussions.  But he didn't expect that Kevin would
form plans for more than discussions.