Date: Wed, 24 Jan 2007 12:51:17 -0800 (PST)
From: tim1944@prodigy.net
Subject: Group Activity

Sex for me began as a group activity.  I was about 10 years old, certainly
no older and perhaps a bit younger.  This was back in the 1950's so I was
totally ignorant of anything sexual.

Two of my neighborhood friends were playing in a vacant lot across the
street from my house.  They were both a year older than I but one, George,
was my oldest and best friend and the other, Jimmy, was generally regarded
by my parents as not the best type of kid for me to have as a friend but he
was a friend none the less.  The vacant lot was covered with high weeds and
bounded by shrubs which made it ideal for games of hide and seek or cowboys
and Indians and other games which required natural cover.  They were
giggling and talking about a shared secret when I found them.  Keeping me
in the dark about their secret being typical fun between kids that age or
any age.  Finally, not being able to contain themselves, they both slipped
to the ground and into the relative privacy of an overhanging bush and
began playing with themselves.

I had no idea what I was seeing.  Both George and Jimmy pulled at their
young dicks, giggling and saying "we're jerkin off...we're jerkin off".  I
was flabbergasted.  Maybe even shocked.  Instinctively I knew this was
"dirty" and something we weren't supposed to do.  Jimmy, well I guess I
expected anything from him, but George, my oldest and best friend, I
expected him to be good.  Good in the sense that he behaved in the way we
were supposed to behave.  As you may have already guessed, I was one of
those kids who didn't want to get into trouble.  Almost a goody goody type
but peer pressure kept me just shy of being a goody two shoes.  Anyway,
what I learned from my gutter snipe friends that day was that there was
something called jerking off and that it gave you a nice feeling.  This
knowledge was imparted from my friends without actually experimentation by
myself.  That took some privacy at home that evening.  By the next morning
I may not have been an expert but I had achieved an amazing degree of
enthusiastic practical knowledge.

Our neighborhood provided the usual assortment of playmates.  Most of the
kids were a year or two older than I, including my brother who was 2 and a
half years older, and a very few kids a year or so younger than me.  None
were exactly my age.  My play group encompassed kids up to two years older
but none younger than me.  The younger kids had their own clan.  That
arrangement always had me running behind the more knowledgeable and
advanced older kids even though I was accepted as their playmate.  Since I
was younger at a time in life where a year makes a big difference in
development, I was generally a bit behind the curve in athletics despite
being an passionate baseball player.  Being younger could also mean being
at the bottom of the heap and the easy target for teasing or bullying.  A
good intellect and having a reflective turn of mind helped to balance the
physical disadvantages but these advantages also tended to make me more
passive or at least less combative.

Once the masturbation gene had leapt out of the bottle in our neighborhood
it took control of every prepubescent and pubescent male.  If our group
found itself in a secluded spot you could almost bet that a circle jerk
would ensue.  When we weren't doing it we were talking about it or we were
sharing imperfect knowledge about anything sexual.  We did it surprisingly
often.  I remember having circle jerks in the woods, in a service station
rest room, in a tent on a camping trip, and in a garage.  As the initial
excitement of jerking off began to wane we advanced to jerking each other
off.  We never thought this would be something any boy would want to do to
another boy so we played cards to see who would jerk off who.  The winner
got jerked off, the loser did the jerking.  The rest of us watched.  I
became quite familiar with the dicks of all my friends in the neighborhood.

Once the barrier of playing cards for sexual stimulation was passed, at
least a few of us would jerk each other off in private.  It would start as
a two person circle jerk and then advance by way of a "if you jerk me off,
I'll jerk you off" deal.  None of us were putting out any cum yet or not of
which I was aware.

Through all this touching and jerking there was never a thought that this
was deviant behavior.  Dirty, beyond a doubt, but deviant...no way.

As you have probably guessed, some of the members of our gang tried to push
the sexual envelope to the next level.  For the first time came requests
for blow jobs.  We weren't very well informed about such things but this
was a line we all recognized as being far beyond the play we all enjoyed up
to that point.  How could anyone do that when we had been insulting each
other with the term "cock sucker" for months before these blow job requests
started.  Cock sucker was nearly the worst thing you could call someone.
We had erected the blow job barrier before we even knew it would be
relevant.  A blow job was something we all knew was deviant.

By this time I was eleven years old.  The oldest of our group was thirteen
with most being twelve.  Being the youngest and perhaps because I was
viewed as the least combative a lot of those blow job requests came my way.
I turned them away without a thought.  No way was I going to do something
that we had begun to call queer.

During one circle jerk Jimmy offered me money to give him a blow job.
Jimmy was always industrious and had jobs long before he was legally old
enough to be on the books.  Consequently he always seemed to have pocket
money when the rest of us were literally penniless.  His offer topped out
at a dollar which was not small change for an eleven year old back in those
days.  It was probably the largest circle jerk in the history of our
neighborhood with 6 or 7 kids participating.  Despite having other
potential cock suckers to proposition, Jimmy's efforts were all directed
toward me.  It was impossible to accept the offer with such an audience,
even had I wanted to (which I didn't at the time).

One Sunday afternoon my brother and I were riding our bikes near home.
None of our friends were around, Sunday being a quieter day 50 years ago
than it is today.  My brother started the familiar refrain.

"How about a blow job".

"No way.  How about you give me a blow job".  And on it went, back and
forth, with no give in either of us.  Then my brother switched tactics.

"If you blow me I'll blow you".

"No" was my automatic answer before his words even registered in my brain.

"Why not?  If you blow me and I blow you we'll be even and neither of us
can tell on each other."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah.  Come on, you blow me and I'll blow you".  This argument was wearing
down my resolve.  I sure wanted to find out what a blow job was like and
this seemed like a way to get one. The only drawback was I would have to
give one to get one.  Anyway, I finally said yes and we were suddenly
racing our bikes back home.

We had the house to ourselves.  Our parents were in the back yard and the
room we shared was upstairs.  I remember hearing my parents talking in the
distance through the open window.  We stripped down and the negotiations
continued.  Each of us wanted a blow job but neither of us wanted to be the
first to give one.  Somehow we worked our way through the issue of secrecy
for life.  In the end it was me who was in the position of going first.
That probably happened because I was negotiating against a fourteen year
old while I was still eleven.  My eagerness to get on with it put me in a
weak bargaining position.

There was my brother laying on his bed, his hard cock pointing at the
ceiling, and me between his legs staring at his penis close up for the
first time.  Giving a blow job now seemed a scary thing.  My heart was
racing and I was having a difficult time bringing myself to take him in my
mouth.  The thought of Mom never being satisfied with our hygiene gave me
pause.  Just how clean was this thing.  I'd never had any part of my
brother in my mouth and now I was going to take THAT part of all things.

My brother kept up his pressure as I hesitated.  "Come on.  It's clean.
You promised so go ahead and do it".

Finally, slowly, with my mouth wide open I lowered it around his dick.  It
wasn't touching me anywhere but technically it was in my mouth.  I actually
dried to blow on it, thinking that was what a blow job consisted of.  My
brother wasn't giving me any help.  He didn't know any more about what to
do that I did.  This went on for some time which must have been frustrating
for him.  After several minutes we gave up.

I was an exciting mix of feeling.  Fear that I might actually have touched
his dick with my mouth but at the same time exhilarated that I gave (I
thought) a blow job.  In my excitement I said to my brother "we should do
this again".  I can only imagine the impression that made on him.  Me still
being between his legs, barely having his dick out of my mouth and before
he had done anything for me, and I wanted to do it again.

Now it was his turn and he dutifully assumed the position.  Before he could
start there was a call from downstairs.

"Boys, come down!  Charlie is here".  It was our Mom.

In a panic we threw on our cloths and with hearts racing we bounded
downstairs, our first blow job attempt history.  I was on the losing end of
the proposition which I continued to remind my brother for weeks trying to
get him to pay up.  He never did.

Sometime after that (I'm not sure if I was still eleven or had turned
twelve) another boy used the same approach as my brother when we happened
to be alone together.  This time it wasn't even one of my neighborhood jerk
off buddies.  It was a classmate.  He had invited me over one evening,
perhaps to help on a class project.  I don't really recall the reason.  We
were in his basement.  His mother was upstairs.

I was sitting on an old chair and Louie was standing a few feet in front of
me.  Out of the blue he hit me with the proposition.

"If you blow me, I'll blow you".

It took me completely by surprise.  Louie had pulled out his hard cock
which was pointing at my face about two feet away as he propositioned me.

"No".  It was my knee jerk reaction, followed by a thought of geeze, maybe
I could do this again.

"Are you serious?" A dumb question from me since it was obvious that he was
raring to go.

He had started to put away his dick, but paused and said "yeah, I'm
serious.  Give me a blow job and I'll give you one."

"But what if someone finds out?"  And basically the negotiation was on.
After the initial shock and negative response, my stomach was fluttering
like I had never felt it flutter before.  It took some talking and swearing
eternal secrecy but we reached agreement.

I pulled out my hard dick and Louie bent forward, stuck out his tongue and
gently touched it to the head.  He immediately stood up straight.

"There, I've touched it with my tongue.  You know I can't tell anyone about
this.  Now it's your turn."

The agreement was that he would seal the deal by licking my dick.  Then I
was to give the first blow job and he would then return the favor.

I was still sitting down and he moved closer to me, bringing his cock to
within an inch or two of my mouth.  It was a little smaller than my
brother's, cut, and hard as a rock.  Despite having a little experience it
was still a struggle to force myself to begin.

"Come on.  We made a deal.  Don't break your promise.  Come on, get
started."  There was more before I finally worked up the nerve to start.

Like the first time, I tried to take Louie's dick in my mouth without
actually touching it and do the puffing thing.

"What the fuck are you doing?  That's not how you give a blow job.  You're
supposed to suck on it."

That was more that I had bargained for and I pulled back.

"I ain't doing that."

"You have too.  You promised.  I held up my part of the bargain.  Now you
have to keep your part."  It took a good deal of this before I agreed to
give it another try.  It was very important to me to never be seen as
breaking a promise in the idealistic view of my young mind.

Again he entered my mouth without actually touching my lips or tongue.
Tentatively I closed my lips around his shaft, still holding my tongue away
from contact.

"Come one.  Suck on it.  Slide up and down my dick" Louie coached.

It was a slow process.  First I slid up and down his shaft slowly with just
my lips touching.  My mouth was dry and not slippery enough for anything
like optimum performance.  Cautiously I tested touching his meat with my
tongue.  My mouth, fast filling with spit, was now beginning to lubricant
the shaft.  I experimented with sucking and more brazen tongue caresses.
My total focus was within my mouth.  Louie was no longer interrupting so he
didn't distract me from what was becoming a very exciting and obsessive
activity.  Little by little I had drawn myself into an experience unlike
anything I had ever done before.  It was as if an unknown part of me had
found an activity that was completely engrossing.

I was so wrapped up in sucking that I barely noticed a change in the taste
and consistency of my saliva.  When Louie said that it was enough I had
already swallowed it with the overflowing spit that was filling my mouth.

My heart was still fluttering and I was almost panting with excitement.

"Boy that was good" Louie said with a sheepish look on his face.  "You sure
seemed to enjoy it.  Don't expect me to swallow your cum."

I wasn't sure what Louis was talking about.  What cum?

"Now it's my turn Louie."

"I don't think I can.  Sorry, but not now."  Louie was suddenly out of the
mood and I was left with my mouth hanging open.

"You promised!" I started to complain but Louie was rescued from my whining
by his mother.

"What are you kids doing down there?  Get up here Louie, it's time for your
friend to go home."

What?  Was she in cahoots with her son?  It was rare for me to hang out
with Louie so the opportunity never presented itself for a repeat
performance or him paying back his oral debt.

Shortly after the tryst with Louie there was a change in our neighborhood.
The circle jerks came to a screeching halt as the older kids in the
neighborhood gang developed understanding of the taboos we had been
breaking.  It was either that or they started getting girlfriends.  Almost
overnight the group sexual activity ceased.

Within a few months my world was turned upside down when my parents
announced that we were moving to the next town.  A black family had moved
in next door and back in those days a black family moving into a
neighborhood resulted in "white flight."  I had lots of black friends in
school but those friendships did not cross over into after school
relationships.  It was a very different and prejudiced world.

We moved in the middle of the school year during 7th grade.  I was now the
outsider in my new school and it took well over a year before I developed
friends at school that carried over to after school play.  Our house was on
the edge of town and it was fairly rural with small farms between us and
the more built up residential area.  For the first six months we lived
there my brother and I had no friends in the neighborhood.  He was in high
school and didn't need to change schools since the kids in our new town
went to the high school in our old town.  All we had was each other for
playmates during that time.

My brother and I again shared a bedroom.  It was smaller than our old one.
Each of us had a twin bed but there was only a foot or two separating them.
Eventually we moved to a larger room when my grandfather died and his room
became available but during those first months space was tight.

One evening a month or two after we moved in, my brother and I were in our
beds reading.  He was 15 or nearly so and I was still 12.  We were both in
our pajamas having negotiated staying up a little later than usual as long
as we were in bed and reading rather than watching television in the living
room.

"Do you want to blow me?"my brother asked from out of the blue.

"NO"was my knee-jerk reaction.  This wasn't an offer to swap blow jobs,
this was an out and out request to be personally serviced.  He still owed
me a blow job as far as I was concerned.  Giving him a blow job without
getting one in return would be like admitting I liked to suck dicks which
was like saying I was queer.  He didn't say another word and continued on
with his reading.

For me it was impossible to concentrate on my book.  His question had sent
a jolt through my body like nothing I had felt before.  My stomach was
suddenly in my throat.  I felt a rushing in my ears and my head was
swimming.  I suppose adrenaline was surging through my system but whatever
it was it couldn't be ignored.  My mouth was dry and my heart was pounding.
A very one sided debate began in my mind which centered on taking this
opportunity to do the dirty deed.  Whatever resistance I had to the idea
was sinking fast.

My brother was quietly reading.  He wasn't trying to convince me.  The
moment of his pushing for my agreement was gone when I had said no but my
surging emotional reaction would not ebb.  I wanted to do it and my fear of
letting this moment slip away was far greater than my fear of what my
brother would think of me.  This powerful feeling that gripped my body was
impossible for me to resist.  When I was propositioned on those two
previous occasions nothing like this had happened to my body.  This time it
was overpowering.

"Do you still want me to blow you?"  The words barely croaked out of my
constricted throat and dry mouth.

Without a word, my brother threw back the covers revealing his hard dick.
It was pointing straight up at the ceiling through the fly of his pajama
bottoms.  His pubic hair peeked through the slit, strawberry blond like the
hair on his head.  Girls would kill to have hair like that.

I moved into position laying half on my bed and half on his, across his
left thigh, with head and shoulders between his legs and above his crotch.
When the moment came to take him in my mouth I hesitated again.  Despite
the overwhelming physical reaction that propelled me to this point I was
still reluctant to suck on a dick.

"Well are you going to do it are aren't you?"he prodded.

Still fearful of letting this chance slip away I took him in my mouth,
tentatively closing my lips around his shaft.  The experience gained with
Louie allowed me to move far beyond that first frustrating episode with my
brother.  I slowly moved my lips up and down his cock.  At first my dry
mouth resulted in an unpleasant friction to my lips but that was relieved
as my mouth filled with slick saliva.  Gentle touches of my tongue to his
dick brought lubricating spit as well as a thrill to both my brother and to
me.

At first my actions were restrained, partially because of the my own
reluctance at taking part of any person into my mouth and sucking on it but
perhaps even more from an effort to keep up a ridiculous facade for my
brother's sake that what I was doing was objectionable to me.  With each
touch of my tongue to his cock and each sucking stroke on its hard surface
the facade crumbled away.  Now my tongue was giving wet wanton stimulation
to the beautiful head of his tool, feeling his pee hole, and probing each
wrinkle and crease.  His shaft sank deeper and deeper into my mouth, my
nose brushing those sparkling red hairs at the base.  A familiar smell
drifted around me.  It was the smell left on my fingers when I scratched my
crotch but it was his crotch that I was smelling.

As I continued my enthusiastic sucking my right hand found my own raging
hardon.  I began to stroke it as my mouth kept up the wet stroking of by
brother's cock.  Giving myself up to this forbidden pleasure, I pulled off
his cock and licked up and down the shaft several times and then thoroughly
liked the head.

"Do it faster"he panted as he came closer to that climactic feeling.  I was
also rushing toward a finish with my quickening strokes to my dick.

I slide my lips around his straining shaft, bobbing my head swiftly up and
down, smelling his private area, feeling the tickle of that red hair on my
nose and lips.  As my mouth again came off the head I began to lick again
when I suddenly felt a stream of hot cum shoot into my mouth.  I was
shocked, but so wrapped up in the depravity of my position that I let him
shoot again and again across my tongue.  It tasted familiar, not
disgusting, almost pleasant.

Than I came with all my sexual energy finally released.  I quickly snapped
back to reality as if finding myself in such a compromising position for
the first time.  My mouth was dripping with his cum, my lips still barely
an inch or two from his still hard cock, and my body sprawled from my bed
to his ending up between his legs.  He had a silly grin on his face not
knowing what to say.

"You came in my mouth!"I said as loud as I could without alerting our
mother.  Some of the cum was gone, swallowed before I knew what I was
doing, the rest I spit onto my sheets as I moved back onto my bed.

"You didn't say not too"he argued back.

About that time our mother yelled to turn out our reading lights and go to
bed ending a rather uncomfortable conversation.

For the next few months I played the role of the reluctant cock sucker.  I
tried to make it look like I didn't want to give blow jobs whenever my
brother would ask but I never came close to turning him down.  All that it
took was for him to ask and that powerful physical reaction I couldn't
ignore was unleash.

By the end of our first summer in the new house my brother put an end to
our sexual relationship. When school started he met a girl who lived around
the corner and his interest moved in that direction.  He told me he didn't
want to turn me into a queer when I became desperate enough to ask if he
wanted a blow job.  Those long ago days seem magical now.  It took years
before I rediscovered the erotic rush of giving my body up for the pleasure
of men.