Date: Sun, 29 Aug 2004 11:00:30 +1100
From: ? ?? <josephchuang@msn.com>
Subject: I love my little bro

	Alright, I admit,I'm gay, I can't help it.  I walk to school
everyday,seeing my football team made me........well, horny.  I started
being gay when I'm 12, I realized I'm not interested in listening to my
friends talk about girls.  I tried to join in, but I always feels left out.
I always look at them, quietly, silently, but never dared to take action.
All I do, is I go to my room, take out the book that talk about gay
lovers, and jerk off.  I was once caught by my little brother, Chad, when
he was 10, what makes me 14.

"Wow, Edwin, that's big!"  He gasped.  I just laughed.  He stared for a
while, than ask me "can I touch it?"

"sure," I rose my eyebrow.  I was surprised my brother even asked.  He
touched it with care, which made me be fully erected.

"That's big," he repeated.  slowly moving down on my 5'5 dick.  I sighed
with pleasure as his hand slowly move down.  But what comes with the feel
of joy came with heavy guilt and responisblilty.  I quickly pushed my hands
away and zipped my pants up.  I cried a little and walked out the bedroom
door.  I  forgot what happened that made me cry that night.

	  Now that I'm 16, he's 12, he became a little taller, 5 feet 1, 2 inches
shorter than me.  I was, as usual, watching T.V. when Chad came in.  He
drop his backpack on the couch and rooled his neck with his hand on the
shoulder."Hi,"  I said.
	"Hi," he repeated, still rolling his neck.  "Damn, I have a sore neck," he
said as he sat beside me
	"Here," I massaged his back.  His blond hair tickled my had as I massaged
him
	"Oooooooooohhhh......, That's good," he remarked and put his hand on my
leg.  Ididn't mean to do anything sexually with him.  While I eased him,
the phone rang.
	"Hold on,I'll be right back," I said.

	I said as I walk to the kitchen and picked up the phone,"Hello?"
	"Hey,Edwin,it's me," a lady's voice called.
	"Hi, mom."
	"Look, I'm at grandma's house, how's everything?"
	"It's fine, Chad just got back want to talk to him?"
	"No, it's okay, just checking, your dad's sick, so he's sleeping,
and It's got to go, talk to you next time,"
	"Bye" I hong up.

	I made my way back to the couch and continue rubbing my brother's
shoulders.  "Too bad mom's going away for a month..." He started
"Yeah," I replied.
"Hey, bro, I got a question." he said with his eyes closed
"Okay...."
"You're gay, right?"
That left me stunned for a minute, I stopped rubbing him and looked to the
ground, thinking how to answer.
"Don't worry, we don't have to talk about it...." he added quickly.
"No, it's okay," I said "I don't mind."
A very long pause before he spoke again" I saw one of your books,"
I thought about that, than nodded."You're right,  your brother is a damn,
gay teenager," I laughed, "I hope you'll still like me as a bro."
"Why wouldn't I?" he punched lighly on the shoulder.
"Thanks" I said, than followed by a long silent.  When he spoke again, he
used a low, yet comforting voice.
"You can be gay with me too, you know......."
I was shocked, still unable to believe what he said.  "I won't mind" he
added.

"Chad... I know that we're brothers," I said flatteredly "but........."
	I can't finish my sentence when he climb on top of me and kiss me on the
lips.  It's a very gentle kiss.  "You've got lots of time to decide who you
are and how you're going to be,"
I told him quietly.  "Don't rush your way into growing up so fast.  And as
much as I love you, squirt, I'm probably not the right person to be asking.
You should find someone your own age...someone who might be looking for
you, too."

"But why?" he said softly.  There was a note of sadness in his voice that
almost broke my heart.  "You know everything about me, Mikey.  You know who
I am, and what I like, and how to act around me. You know my whole heart
already.  I don't have to teach it to you.  And besides, I'm not scared of
you, like I'd be with other guys.  I wouldn't even know how to find another
guy who feels like this."

"But, Andy, we're brothers," I repeated...

"And that makes it wrong?" he asked incredulously.  "Someone loves me more
than anyone, and I love them back, and I can't show them?  I can go pick
out
a stranger and that would be fine -- nobody would care -- but if I pick
you, because I already love and trust you already, then I'm some sort of a
freak?"

There were tears in his eyes.

"You're never a freak, Andy.  You just have feelings you don't understand
yet.  Hell, I don't even understand half the feelings I have.  I think you
have to realize that--"

"Kiss me, Mikey."

He looked up at me with tears in his eyes and I was lost.

"Please?" he whispered.  "Kiss me like you love me."

I looked in his light blue eyes for the longest time.  He was so sweet...so
completely sincere.  And I saw in him a longing I'd seen when I looked at
myself in the
mirror at his age.  Just wanting to love and be loved.  Not understanding
why everything that felt so right in my heart was so damn wrong out there
in
the world.  Without stopping to explain it to myself or to consider the
consequences of what I was doing, I took his head in my hands, leaned
forward and kissed him.