Date: Sun, 2 Nov 2008 19:34:06 -0800 (PST)
From: Joe Parker <joejoeparkertex@yahoo.com>
Subject: I think I'm in trouble. Part 1, Chapter 5

WARNING

The following story is a complete work of fiction containing material that
may be considered objectionable to certain readers.  It describes a
relationship between distant cousins, please proceed with caution.

Any similarity in fact or fiction to any situation or any person living or
dead is purely coincidental and unintended.

The author retains all rights to the entirety of the story.


I THINK I'M IN TROUBLE

Part I

Chapter V


(Felix)


And this little piggy ran all the way home...

I throw my sweatshirt at my reflection and grind my teeth.  Why did I run
away like that? Why didn't I just say go to Hell and then walk away
nonchalantly, rubbing it in his face.  Two reasons, 1) I'm scared.., and 2)
I'm scared.

I'm scared in two different ways.  Firstly that he might clobber me again.
When he's standing right before you, looking down on you from whatever
height he is, clothes doing a poor job of concealing his obvious strength
-- then yeah it's kinda easy to start thinking bout your mortality.

And the other thing, he turns me on, like no guy ever has (and no guy ever
has).  For crying out loud I only met him yesterday, if 'meeting' is the
right word...  He just pushes my buttons somehow and I know, I KNOW that if
he even gets an inkling bout the way I'm reacting to him.., I'm history.

In my short life so far things have generally been pretty good. I ain't
gonna bore you with emoesque accounts of teenage angst and tragedy, there
hasn't really been any.  Mom and me exist in a happy little world of peace
and harmony most of the time wer'e a good team.  We talk things through. In
the end we always manage to get to better places with the decisions we make
for our little family, and now for our slightly larger family.

The only real tragedy in my life has been how Nana and Poppa lost the farm.
They all are livin with Uncle Pete now but they are not the easy going,
energetic folks they used to be.  They were warned not to pursue
proceedings with Ryan Maxson in order to get access to baby Jake (as we now
know him to be).  But their hearts would not allow them to let even one
member of the family slip outside of the purview of their committment and
affection.  They staked the farm to raise money for the case and they lost.
We lost land that our family had purchased in the days of Davy Crockett.
It is a spiritual loss for us all.  But we still have one another.  There
is still love and we'll survive.  Do you know that Ryan Maxson even refused
to let us learn Jakes given name in that case?  Just crazy!

Momma had alot of questions last night bout my injuries.  You can't hide
such thangs from mothers for long, they got magic powers and x-ray vision.
If she weren't so lame my Momma would be on X-Men.  I ain't talking bout my
head injury, she somehow knew bout my back injury too...  I wasn't even
favoring it.  She always says that all she has to do is look into my eyes,
things that make you go 'Hmmmmm'.


I just told her I got into a game of basketball and they kinda play it
rough round here.  She just said 'Well okay, but if you wanna talk an all'
-- making it clear she didn't believe one word of what I said.

This time when I showed up at home round lunchtime (I hid in the backyard
till I got too hungry) -- Well anyway this time she wasn't messin round.
She wanted to know what's goin on.., who was the pretty girl in the
'mer-say-deeees' that picked me up this mornin, why am I not in school
right now? (school admin called to report me AWOL)...  I ain't never done
well under Mom's scrutiny when she gets her roll on.  I just told her it
all.  Well mostly all, there was one area I totally avoided.

But I told her the rest, as you might imagine she was stunned.  When we
moved here we had no clue that Forkridge was where the Maxson's actually
lived.  We knew that most of their main mines were here but thought they
lived in PA or NY or some place.  Once she got over her shock she made me
tell her the whole story all over again and she asked lots of questions
bout Jake.  I kinda lied and told her I gave as good as I got when he
attacked me, but hey I got my pride!  At my old school I was one of the
popular kids, and pretty much got on with everybody .  I was also one of
the bigger kids size wise so few ever dared mess with me.  But Jake Maxson
was a different ball-game, both physically and psychologically.

I already knew that for the rest of my time at Garfield High (yes I'm goin
back), I was gonna be fighting for my life just to survive - now that he
had me in his sights.

Momma wants to meet him and I wish her the best of luck an all but she's
gonna be biting off more than she can chew with that one.  She called Nan
last night and I don't know zactly what all Nan said but when Uncle Gary
got home I sure found out.  My grandparents will be arriving in 2 weeks
time, and they all gonna go up to that Maxson Mountain place and try and
confront Ryan Maxson.  I'm really freaked out bout all this coz I kinda
feel like I was the catalyst, but what can I do?

After lunch I went up to my room to think, but I fell asleep.  I had this
dream and in the dream Jake and I at our Home place back in KY.  We were a
lil bit older and we was just sitting on the porch shooting the breeze
together, like we was best friends or somethin.  Then we go inside and look
at this picture that has hung up on the hallway wall forever.  It's some
old religious print and it has a lion and a lamb on it... 'And the lion
shall lay down with the lamb' We chuckle and look at each other and then he
kisses me.

I wake up startled when I realize that I have just punched a hole through
the wall...  Mom's gonna throw a fit!  This may be Uncle Gary's house but
make no mistake, Momma is in charge here.  Where was my wall bustin ability
yesterday when I needed it!?!?! - So typical.  Then the dream comes back to
me.  I can't make any sense of it, what all does it mean?  Is Jake the lion
and am I the lamb?  Why did I lash out and put my fist through the wall?
unresolved anger?, latent anxiety?

Well at least it doesn't hurt, I even feel kinda all manly and 'Don't mess
with me-ish'.  A little bit of pride has been restored.

I start thinking bout what happened this morning.  Bout the thoughts I was
thinkin when I saw Jake again.  You probably don't believe me after the
things I wrote earlier but I have never thought bout boys that way
before. NEVER.  Yes I have checked other guys out before, I have even been
curious about other guys before but I have NEVER been turned on by other
guys in my life!  The closest I have ever come was 'Hero worshiping' and
older neighbor boy back home.., but 'Hello!' I was 9 years old!

I'll tell the truth and just say that what really scares me the most about
my reaction to Jake is the naturalness of it.  It just feels so right yet
he is soooooo wrong!  I need fixin but there is somethin in me that don't
wanna be fixed.

I am coming to the realization that as obnoxious as he is, Jake just does
it for me!  Shoot me now because even as I think about all this I'm sportin
some.

When I need peace I go find my guitar.  Actually it was Aunt Shonta's
guitar when she was younger, before she set out on the road.., before Ryan
Maxson ruined her life.  Our family is real musical and everytime we get
together we sing and play our guitars, banjo's whatever.  Uncle Gary is a
great banjo player and we had a good time just jammin it last Sunday after
church an all.

I take my guitar downstairs and out into the backyard and sit on the wood
choppin stump that's out there under the old maple tree.  They are saying
that this is the longest lasting Summer we have had for many years, maybe
70 years, it's real nice.  Momma brings the kids out to play near me and I
smile.  They so cute, I kinda choke up thinkin bout how they lost their
Momma.  Shaun was just a lil baby when Aunt Trish died.  The kids giggle at
me happily and go to play in the sandpit.  Abigail is so patient, helping
lil Shaun to walk along carefully.  He only just took his first steps the
other day, he's my little man and Abigail is my little princess.

Momma has found herself a part time waitressing job from 3 till 6:30
Mon-Thurs.  So she called the local babysitting/childcare agency to get a
sitter four days a week.  It will be pretty easy coz I will be getting home
by 4 PM and Uncle Gary usually gets in by 5 PM.  I will be cookin on those
nights, I'm a great cook, really I am.  If y'all came over to my house you
would see!

The new babysitter will coming on over soon so Mom will be grateful for
having the kids out of her hair for a while so she can tidy up.

By time I'm finished tuning up they are right in front of me ready to
sing..,

"Unca Felick do the miner song for Daddys!" Abigail jumps up and down
excitedly.

Lil Shaun scrunches his eyes up crows and calls out "Datty!"  Hehe he makes
me laugh.

"Oh alright!" I feign reluctance.

I run through a quick arpeggio, then with my famous happy wolf howl I begin
to sing...

We never did get to finish that song thanks to the unwelcome intrusion of
one J. Maxson.  I'm actually kinda relieved we discovered him when we did
coz I was just about to go into my little howling wolf yodel solo and if he
saw that... my face flushes red just thinking bout it.

So here I was unwittingly entertaining the biggest baddest wolf in the
county and didn't even know it.  I was kinda amused that he was staring
into space when we noticed him off in la la land.  Who knows what's going
on in that wicked brain of his, certainly not me!

What's he doing here anyway? - Hasn't he done enough damage? - I'm gonna
wring Jessica's pretty lil neck when I get my hands on her!  Dang he's hot!
After a whole day in school I'm usually pretty dishevelled by the end of
the day but not cousin Jake.  He is fresh as a daisy and ten times prettier
hehehe I smile on the inside.

But then I frown on the outside, I am outraged at the mass failure of my
mind and body to not betray me whenever he's around.  I gotta quit thinkin
these thoughts, gotta stop reacting this way before he picks up on it.

After all, he hit me, he hurt me physically and he hurt my feelings and all
I had was good intentions for him, for us as cousins.

All the while Abby has been engaging with the enemy and now she's bringing
him over here!  Doesn't she know he's Mr Evil?  I gulp as he allows himself
to be led t'wards me, closer and closer.  He's even more imposing when
your'e sitting down.  I quickly jump up and almost on instinct run away

Come on get it together Felix! - I berate myself, I've already run off
once, no need to shame myself again!  Stand up to him, do it for the
kids.., My word he's hot and he just smells so good.., dang I'm hopeless.

He's looking at me with slightly embarrassed but still not quite repentant
eyes.  Shining eyes, hopeful eyes.  I shudder, so much for the idea that
his eyes don't bother me.  Just scratch that thought. Dang.., did I say how
hopless I am?


*****************************************

(Jake)

Here I am at Felix' house, these kids are real sweet and his Mom's been a
great hostess, pity the same can't be said about 'Feeeelick!'  He's sitting
there being a cry baby, acting all immature while I eat his mothers freshly
baked chocolate chip cookies.  She offerred him some but he says he's lost
his apetite.  Like what an insult to his Mom's amazing cookie baking
prowess!  I can't think of any reason why you would turn down delicious
freshly baked cookies?

It's gonna take a while getting used to calling someone "Aunty"...  but
she's real nice and I kinda get a fuzzy feeling inside of me at the thought
that I have family from Mom's side at last.  Talking to Dad last night has
switched on a new light in me.  I'm still kicking myself about what I did
to Felix, but I'm determined to make recompense between him and I.  I'm
also determined to deal with this thing that has me reacting to Felix the
way I am.  I gotta sort it out before it causes even more trouble, and I've
had more than enough of that.

Felix for his part has not been so accomodating, and I guess that's only
natural.., he gave me my chance and I blew it.  I'm gonna pour on the charm
and earn another chance.  But it won't be easy considering he has virtually
disinherited me from the family I'm really wanting to become a member of.
I flush as I think about the things my Dad has done to them...  I've got a
nerve to be thinking about 'disinheritance' after what my Dad has put their
family through. I love Dad but like 'What was he thinking!?!?"  A little
voice inside my head throws what I did to Felix yesterday back in my
face... I mentally cringe.

A chime fills the house and I am grateful for the distraction.  It's the
doorbell and Mrs Felix leaves the room to answer the door, two curious
children traipsing behind, I am left alone with a very uncomfortable cute
looking Felix.

"Felix don't take this wrong dude but your Mom's HOT bro!" I say.., I can't
help but tease him.

"Ewww don't even go there and just... like... ewwww!!!" his face screws up,
I smirk.

Due to my fine upbringing I have observed etiquette and left him an even
amount of cookies but on account of him losing his apetite I kindly oblige
him by liberating the six remaining cookies in one fell swoop.  He tries to
rescue some from my grip but I'm too quick.

He flushes red in anger as I quickly lick all over the cookies before
shoving a stack of three straight into my mouth, I scoff and laugh at the
incredulous look on his face.

"You little pig!" he cries,

"I was gonna have those later!"

I try to smile but my mouth is busy, I hold my finger up in the universal
'One moment please' gesture.  I look away from his apoplectic face trying
my darndest not to laugh.  I really don't wanna rain cookies down all over
his Mom's fine mahogany table.  For some reason my actions infuriate him
and he sits there seething.

He's ridiculously cute when he's having kittens.  My mind has split into
two camps, one side is screaming out dire warnings about evil and wicked
homo behavior.., and the other side looks on midly and says 'So what?'

I quickly swallow half my mouthful of cookie, just barely avoiding retching
in front of him, lol he has a disgusted look on his face.  I admit it, I
can't help it.., I'm such an animal -- animal is me!

I affect an innocent wide eyed look and with a scoffy voice choke out,

"Mwoss wrong?"

He's just too easy, his eyes narrow accusingly and he opens his mouth ready
to let me have it.

"Mmwait!" I scoff, raising my finger one more time.

He squirms with agitated barely contained anger, I can't help it.., he's
such an easy target for some reason.  He stares at my raised finger as if
he's gonna set it on fire.  Our eyes lock and he waits for me to say
whatever it is I was about to say.  But I wasn't going to say anything,
instead - I swallow the last three cookies quickly in a tears to my eyes
producing display, and he howls with offense.

"You evil pig, like ewww your'e so digusting!"

"I know, ha ha!" I laugh before gulping down my tall glass of chilled milk,
I lick off my milk moustache smiling at him again.

"Can I get a refill please bro"

He's staring at my mouth and shakes his head a little before grinding out,

"No! and shut up!"

I pout and he pushes his chair out noisily, swipes my glass and stomps out
into the kitchen with me following close behind.  Too close because he
stops suddenly and I kinda walk into him causing him to stumble.  I catch
him as he spins round looking for something to hold on to.  The glass flies
out of his hand and fortunately, does not shatter.  His arms - also
fortunately reach out and find me.  We grab each other and I pull his body
into mine.

"I gotchya" I whisper in a weird strained voice.

His eyes are wide and his mouth is wide open.  I free one hand (the one
that was on his firm butt) and use it to close his dangling mouth.  Dang I
wish I used my other hand to do that!

"You'll catch flies that way" I say.

But he's speechless.

"What? - cat got your tongue?"


*********************************

(Felix)

I rush into the kitchen, dashing out of his arms.  But I wanted to stay
there.  Being in the arms of Jake Maxson is not a good idea.., noooooo.

I stomp over to the dishwasher and nearly succeed in breaking the glass as
I slam it into the rack.  Jake skulks in behind me, still way too close.  I
fume -- he could be on the other side of the world and he'd still be too
close.  I turn to face him.  Suddenly I find that my mouth is talking but
my mind is not aware of what I'm saying.  I've always had a problem with
speaking before I think and right now appears to be no exception.  I feel
like a spectator.  All I know is that my voice sounds funny, real low and
emotional like I have rarely ever heard it sound.  Actually, I've never
sounded like this before.

"You really hurt me yesterday Jake.  That hurt me deep inside of here" I
point hard at my chest.

His eyes are wide, not the wide eyed look he used to charm his way into
Mom's heart.  They are wide with shock and something else...

"Jake, I really want to do something to you, I wanna hurt you back.., I'm
so angry!"

I am crying no tears but my eyes are narrowed and venom and pain shoot out
from them like searchlights.  Jake is really taken a-back he has shrunken
away from me and he has a stricken look on his face.  I continue,

"Jake, your'e the first person I have ever hated and that diminishes me"

He shudders,

"Worse than that Jake, your'e the first person I've ever genuinely feared.
I am afraid of you.., you make me scared and I lost something yesterday
because of your violence.

What you did to me, I did not deserve"

He looks down and away from me, no longer able to meet my eyes.  He's kinda
shivering, shaking, but I'm not.  I have perfect control.

"In time I might forgive you of this Jake, but I will never forget what you
done to me!"

I can no longer see his eyes since his head has hung so low and he's
stooping.

"I hope that you never ever, EVER, pull something like yesterday on another
human being Jake.

And oh yeah Jake?  You can't just waltz on in here and expect me to just
smile and wave.

It don't work like that"

He's looking at me, eyes are red and tears fall unchecked down his suddenly
pallid face.  It's a moment of perfect lucidity for me.  I'll never forget
that look on his face as long as I live.

"Felix hit me" he whispers.

I shake my head in refusal

"It won't make it right Felix, but please, it's what I deserve" he pleads.

I shake my head,

"No Jake, it would still only be giving you what you want.

You would still be forcing me to do something that is against my will and
nature.

You would just be punishing yourself AND me"

He nods in defeat then sits heavily on the floor, hangs his head and begins
to sob.

My weird low voice thing has abandoned me and with it, the element of
surreal control I had over myself.

I begin to tremble and grip on to the bench as my own emotions swell,
bringing bitter stinging tears to my eyes.

Then my mother walks in, she's clearly talking to the new babysitter but
luckily has asked her to go into the family room.  She takes quick stock of
our situation before saying,

"Boys, I ain't sure what's goin on but y'all need to take it upstairs to
your room please Felix"

She looks at me and I nod.

For some unknown reason I am no longer afraid of Jake, I don't know why.  I
just look at him sitting there, head in hands crying pathetically and I
know that someone like him should not be looking like that.

He is one of lifes winners, one of its born leaders.  I feel a surge of
compassion and I reach out to him with my heart and my hand offering him
the new start he's been begging for.

"Come on Jake, do you wanna see the hole I punched through my wall earlier
today?"

He stares at my hand warily before slowly folding his long suprisingly soft
and warm fingers around mine.  An electric tingle flows up my arm and into
my body, recharging me in some inexplicable way.  He felt it too, I know he
did because we both smile shakily at each other in acknowledgement of what
just happened.

I lead him through the door and upstairs t'wards my room and as I look back
I see my Mom.  She has a hopeful expression wrapped up with a ribbon of
uncertainty.., I hear you Momma.

"We'll discuss that 'hole in your wall' later young man" she calls.

	***

I half drag him into my room, he feels kinda like a sack at the moment.
Almost as if I can do whatever I like with him and he won't stop me.  I
don't know how I know this, I just do.

I close and lock my door to keep the kids out.  He has not released my hand
since I first grabbed his.  His head hangs low.

I do the first thing that comes to mind, and it came by way of my heart.  I
raise his chin, make him stand tall and I wrap myself up in his arms.  He
instantly curls himself around me and we melt into each other, clinging on
for dear life.  Sharing weight, shedding guilt, shoring up the gaps and
holes that nearly de-railed a friendship that could grow to last us both
our lifetimes.

I hug him for all I'm worth and it's marvellous, it's lovely.., it is
right.  We snuggle into one another one of my hands rests on his strong,
long back and the other is entangled in his heavy silky sable hair, me head
against his chest.  I find myself stroking the back of his neck and
purring.  I'm not one ounce embarrassed, he's doing the same thing! It
seems like ages have passed but in reality it's only like 1 minute or so,
but finally he speaks..,

"Friends please?" his voice tickles my ear.

"Yes please" I reply..,

But I know I'm holding out for more.


*****************************************

(Jessica)

I grew up knowing Jake, we all belonged to the same playgroup and went
through kindergarten and elementary school together.

Jake, Clarke, Junior (Matthew) Sue, Beth and I.  We were all very close and
remained that way though junior and now senior high.  It has always been
expected that Jake and I wouldeventually settle down.  I had even thought
so myself, there was no reason to think otherwise.

I come from good stock, a family of judges, lawyers and on my mothers side
educators.  Jakes' dad and grandmother approve of me and the old black lady
who seems so important in Jakes' family, well she loves me and I adore her.

But since the arrival of Jakes'cousin I have been forced to re-evaluate my
position.  Regardless of the fact that it was released in anger.., I have
never seen such passion in Jake like when he first met Felix yesterday.
Passion I have personally failed to arouse in him.

All my life life I have stood out from the other girls and I have always
endeavored to make it so.  I don't dress like a two bit whore, I try to
remain poised and calm.  I do all things with class, decorum and
refinement.  The other girls either avoid me or thoroughly enjoy my
friendship.  The guys have always noticed me but to most I am untouchable,
I belong to Jake.., but does he belong to me?

Yes I know he is attracted to me, yes I know he loves me and I don't take
that lightly.

But it galls me to think that the passion I have sought to ignite in him
for the past few years..,

Was instantly activated the moment he set eyes on Felix Jarrow.  Negatively
charged as it was, I am not so stupid as to realize what might happen
should Jake choose to utilize such a response in a positive way.

I should be heartened by the fact that they are obviously related.  By the
fact that Felix is a guy?  but I am not.  Firstly, they are just cousins,
not even first cousins and they could not produce children anyway.

Secondly, if something happened between them, all my usual powers and
advantages would be rendered virtually redundant.  Against another female I
would be extremely confident.  Against Felix how could I compete?

I suspect that it is a question I already know the answer to.


*****************************************

Please join me again for the next chapter~

Contact the author -- joejoeparkertex@yahoo.com