Date: Mon, 3 Nov 2008 15:50:29 -0800 (PST)
From: Joe Parker <joejoeparkertex@yahoo.com>
Subject: I think I'm in trouble. Part 1, Chapter 6

I THINK I'M IN TROUBLE


Part I

Chapter VI


(Jake)


Hiya -- Your'e stuck with me for this whole chapter, if you don't like it
-- tough >:]

***


I'm driving home now but my mind keeps returning to my visit to Felix'
house.  I still wish I was there, he invited me to go back but never gave
an exact day.  I wanna go back straight away tomorrow as soon as I finish
wrestling practice.


I remained at Felix' house for another three hours. Grandma and Dad knew
where I would be so I wasn't too concerned about being a little late home.

Let me tell you, when Felix laid into me in the kitchen, I really fell to
pieces, I just fell apart.  It's one thing to feel sorry about having done
something wrong.  It's another thing altogether to be confronted in such a
no holds barred way.  Like the way he tore strips off me tonight.

When Grandma gets upset, she goes all icy and cold, and it's awful as I'm
sure it's meant to be.  When Dad gets upset he disappears and then
disconnects from you, sometimes for several days at a time.  I make sure
not to get him THAT upset.., I can't go that long without emotional access
to my father.  Jessica begins crying quietly when I upset her, it makes me
feel like a heel.  Clarke and Junior cuss me out, flip me the bird and say
our friendship is over.  This happens about 12 or 13 times a year.  But
Felix is a whole different ballgame.

When he gave me a piece of his mind today, I actually GOT a piece of his
mind.  I didn't just hear it, it's like I received it in full measure..,
deep inside my own thick skull.  It was terrible, awful and soul destroying
to have to realize in such a way just what I had done to him yesterday.

In the last 24 hours I have had to come to terms with the way Dad dealt
with his guilt, and today I was determined not to make the same mistakes he
made.  I was hellbent on taking Grandma's advice in learning what Dad
failed to learn.  Especially considering the fact that I too was now
dealing with a Jarrow.

It's hard to console yourself when you know that you are the perpetrator of
not only your own demise, but also anothers.  When I am feeling a little
bit 'sideways' I usually try to perk myself up by thinking of all that's
good about me.  Of the great things I have to offer.  Yes it's a bit vain
but to be honest, I am kinda self interested in general anyway.  Don't hate
me coz I'm beautiful.

I read this book once about how this guy did something bad to a classmate
at school and kept waking up to the same school day until he resolved the
issue and redeemed himself.  Kinda like Groundhog Day for teenagers.  I'm
beginning to cultivate this romantic notion that Felix' family and mine are
going to have to keep doing this dance of swords until we can absolve one
another of the wrongs that were committed by the previous generation.

Now I'm not the most obvious of deep thinkers.., you are able to glimpse
into my mind here and what you observe is totally different to what 99.9%
of everybody else witnesses.  I guess it's the same for every person.

I don't tend to talk much at school, being far more animated at home.  When
I do open up it's usually about sports, cars, women and..., well.., sports
again.  Probably in that order.

The other kids know I'm not dumb because I always ace them in overall
grades.  Jessica possibly has me beat in english (and it's extremely close)
but in everything else I remain unrivalled - thanks...

The obvious nerd herd at school kinda see me as an abomination.  I'm
clearly not one of them yet I exceed them in their chosen fields.  I don't
have time to do many of the more cerebral activities except for chess club
where I was told that if I applied myself I could make the top 5% of ranked
juniors in the country.

I fit in much easier with the jocks, and I'm not ashamed of that either.  I
affinitize naturally with physically motivated people. Where testing your
body through the glory of sport is most important.  If my life was filled
with sport 24/7 I would not complain.  In that reality I would be able to
play all the sports I don't have time to play.  Like football, basketball,
track & field, swimming, hockey.., you get the picture.  I have a problem
trying to take it easy when playing sports or games.

Once when I was 8, I gave Junior a black eye when he beat me at
tiddlywinks.  They never let me live that one down.  These days when we
play games I really have to watch myself carefully.  Everybody thinks they
are helping me out when they remind me 60 times a second that 'It's only a
game Jake!.'  Sheese I'm trying!

Jessica tells me that I have an enigmatic quality which attracts people to
me.  At the time I asked her if they were more attracted by my hot looks
and sexy body than my mysterious charms.  She laughed and advised me that
when my hot looks fade, lets hope there's still a little mystery left in
the tank to attract the worms to eat my rotting carcass.  Well I was kinda
offended by that to which she explained that she was actually paying me a
complement.  Can you figure it out?  Took me longer than I care to admit.
Jessica has the most fey sense of humor.

Speaking of which, Felix' room is the most outrageous room I've ever seen.
It's covered wall to wall with pictures of ghosts (apparently real pics),
ufo's and other strange cpyptological flora and fauna.  There are weird
pyramid charts, sea monster photos and even the hanging mobiles of famous
haunted houses and castles!  In one corner is a display of photographs he
took of this famous haunted assylum where like thousands of people died
from complications due to tuberculosis.  It's called Waverly Hills
Sanatorium and it's near Louisville KY.  Felix excitedly told me that he
and some budddies went there one night to take pics and video images.  He
said it totally creeped him out and I believe it!  He asked if I would like
to see the digital vid-cam he made of it some day.  I agreed but the truth
is I'm stone cold scared of ghosts and stuff.  Now one might think that
living where I live would make me less likely to be afraid but one would be
wrong.  Maxson Eyrie is my home.  As big and as gothic as it is, I know
every nook and cranny and I love the huge white palace on the rock.  If
Felix wasn't so cute I would have rain-checked on the ghost film.., and
that's another thing I'm gonna have to deal with.  I don't know how but
I've got to do something about my burgeoning feelings for Felix.  He just
messes up my radar and I cannot allow that.  I have never thought about
guys sexually before and I gotta figure out some way to defeat the
reactions I keep having towards Felix.  I can't seem to catch myself and I
pride myself on my self control.  I always notice a hot girl, but I don't
let my dick lead the way - per se.  I am proud of the fact that with Jess I
have had the discipline to keep us both virgins, but an awful thought hit
me today.  Has it been too easy to keep on the straight and narrow with
Jess?  Have I been deluding myself all this time?  I resolve to do the
thing I always do when faced with such conumdrums.  I wait and see.

I can't believe how easy it is to get on with Felix, he is very easy going
where-as I am kinda prickly by nature.  He's also a big kid, a real goof..,
no wonder his neice and nephew love him so much.  I smile as I drive past
the place where I stopped my truck and walked yesterday.

Being in Felix' room alone with him was an interesting experience.  In the
end it was easier than I expected it would be.  Half the reason I think is
that we were both so emotionally shattered that we just didn't care.  I
blush at the thought of holding him like that.., I'm not sure who held whom
to be honest.  I acknowledge how good it felt and I somehow wanna do it
again.  It feels like it's something I'm not allowed to do...  I don't
react well when I'm told I'm not allowed to do something.  Even if it's my
own advice.

His room is not the same size as mine but it's still quite large for a
normal sized house.  After we unravelled ourselves from one another I sat
myself down at his desk, running my fingers lightly along the keyboard of
his nifty apple mac laptop.  He made me laugh at the way he jumped and swan
dived onto his big queen sized bed.  I like to do that myself.  We chatted
quite naturally after that point.

"Sooooo..," I say...

"I've never bawled my eyes out as much as I have in the past 24 hours, I
think I'm dehydrated from all the crying alone" he smiles back at me, red
faced.

"I hear ya man, I guess we are gettin in touch with our more feminine side
right?"

"Speak for yourself!" I challenge, though with a wry smile.

After a moment I clear my throat and ask,

"Felix, do you think your Mom would mind if I asked her about my Mom?"

He frowns and I get a little defensive.

"I mean, I never knew her you know but well your Mom.., she, well she grew
up with my Mom right?"

He considers for a moment before answering,

"I don't see why it would be a problem, we often reminisce bout Aunt
Shonta, and don't be misreading me..,

I wasn't frowning at you because I didn't think my Momma would wish to
discuss yalls Momma..,

I was frowning coz you don't even have to ask"

I blink several times, looking into his eyes.  It's so different here, I
can find out about my mother and not run the risk of traumatizing anyone in
the attempt.  I smile at him..,

"Thanks man, I appreciate it.

By the way Felix, your'e a really good singer!  I like the way you sing"

He blushes furiously..,

"There are better songs I could have been singing when you uh, 'Came upon
us' like that"

I laugh before going on,

"I really liked your guitar playing as well. You RAWK!!!"

"Uhh thanks Jake" he laughs self deprecatingly.

"Jake do you sing? -- can you play any musical instruments?" he asks
curiously.

"Umm yeah I can kinda sing and I kinda play the piano" I look away from
him, and scratch my head.  I scratch my head when I'm not telling the full
truth.  I love to sing, I can sing well and I have taken classical piano
lessons since I was 4.

"You know..." he says.., when I'm lying bout somethin I will often scratch
my head just like you did haha!"

My turn to blush furiously..,

"Your'e busted Maxson!" he laughs victoriously.

"So own up dude, I bet you can sing and I bet you really can get down on
those ivory keys huh!"

I flush pink before just nodding my head in admission.

"Dude you gotta come jam with me, with US! -- we all love to sing an all
round here and when Nanna and Poppa come in a couple of weeks.., well you
just wait till then!"

I just say nothing.., he stares at me and then clearly has a lightbulb
moment.

"Hey, just a sec!..."

He rushes out the door before I can ask him where he's going.

I just sit there kinda looking around his freaky room, trying not to look
at the mobile of kooky haunted houses and those crazy madhouse photographs.
I shiver.., this is like some damn permanently Halloween room.

He comes clomping back into the room like a herd of elephants, yet another
thing we have in common.  He has his guitar and on closer inspection it's a
real beauty and has clearly been played many times before.

He hands it to me and I'm confused until he turns it over revealing an
inscription.  Someone has used a soldering iron to inscribe it.


Happy number 12 dearest Shonta Abigail,

May your fingers play the sweet words of your heart always,

Grandpa Joe and Nana Hawkins~


***

I guess you can kinda guess what happened next, my eyes welled up and I
started to cry.  Believe me I am trying to get over this embarrassing
crying buzz I seem to be on, but I keep failing no matter how hard I try.

Felix responds by coming over to me and just wrapping me in another hug.  I
must admit that getting a hug out of it was kind of a bonus.  This crying
thing ain't so bad after all haha.  But I digress.

The mere thought that this was the guitar my mother played on as a child
has me enthralled.  I keep touching it, imagining her own fingers playing
it.  I place it to my nose and sniff it, it smells kinda like varnish.
Felix laughs and says,

"Your'e weird Jake"

"Shut up!"  I laugh,

"Naw you shut up!"  he giggles, lol he actually giggles...

"Why don't we both shut up?"  I grin, laughing at the level of stupidity
teenage guys can descend to.

Just as Felix is about to riposte me, we are indeed both made to shut up by
an accusing little voice..,

"Ummmm I'm telling on my Mommy on y'alls coz y'alls said to shut ups!"

It's Abigail and all of a sudden she has a stricken look on her face as she
says..,

"Ummm I said shut ups!"

She covers the offending mouth in question, her own..,

Felix and I both crack up laughing at her because she caught herself saying
'A bad word' and has just told on herself.

Felix picks her up and swings her around the room and she immediately
forgets what just transpired before.

"What are you doing here lil Miss?" he kisses her on her little button nose
and her lighter mauve colored eyes sparkle with laughter.

"Momma Kath (Felix' Mom) said to wash up fer suppers"

"YUMMY it's suppertime!" Felix announces,

"We'll have bear soup and skunk pie!, wolf tails and blue eyed bees!" he
chants as Abigail goes running out the door toward the stairs.

"Eeeeeeeeee yucky, I'm telling on you for saying that's!"  a giggling
little voice is heard to say.

I smile as Felix bows and offers me his own bathroom.

"Freshen up coz you are staying for dinner like it or not"

"After you" I say..,

"Nonsense I'll just go into Mom's room"

***

There was only one downside to dinner and it wasn't the cooking.  Momma
Felix as I have come to call her over time.., is an awesome cook and the
country classic of chicken and dumplings with mashed potato and sweet corn
was just amazing.

I met Mr Gary, Felix uncle who I found out works at the No 3 mine up at
Redtree Rapids.  He was really nice and a fellow lover of all things sport.
Felix and him do not share any favorite teams in common and it was amusing
to watch the playful yet deadly serious banter between them on their
favorite football, baseball and basketball teams.  He had obviously been
told all about me because he said some kind words to me before saying that
next time he wanted to spend a little time with me alone to get to know
more about me.  I really appreciated that he did not drag me out for an
inquisition straight away.

It was the other guest that made me completely uncomfortable.., the
babysitter.  Lenore Rivera is Juniors older sister by one year.  and let me
tell you she is one bad seed.  She's the black sheep of their family and
considering Mr Rivera is the Sheriff, she kinda stands out if you know what
I mean.

I have to admit that my first sexual fantasies were about Lenore.., jacking
off to her curvy hourglass body and her mischevious bedroom eyes was one of
the highlights of my junior high years.  There is something primal about
her that makes a guys heart race.  Even her name is enough to get me going
haha!

She is a bad girl with an even badder reputation but she has never gone
after me, much to my disappointment, yes I'm loyal to Jess but I have to be
honest.  She slept with Clarke but she would not consider me.  That little
adventure nearly ended Clarke's relationship with Sue and he'll be paying
for that for the rest of his life.

But Lenore is like an itch that's just got to be scratched and I know that
the best policy to employ with her is the good old avoid at all costs!

Despite all the nasty things I could say about poor Lenore, she is
fantastic with children.  Abigail and Lil Shaun are obviously in love with
her and vice versa.

What's got my tail up is the way that Lenore seems to 'Obviously be in
love' with Felix after meeting him for the first time tonight.

"I always wanted to kiss a guy with violet eyes" she purrs, looking at me,
plucked eyebrows arched.

"Jake here is out of commission, but oh my Felix you sure do got the
prettiest eyes,

I'm so taken with them!"

She bats her own green cats eyes shamelessly and tosses her long auburn
hair.

I can't believe she just said that, but then again.., I CAN believe she
just said that.  This is Lenore after all.

Felix' Mom and Uncle look on highly amused.., Felix on the other hand.

I think he's sweating, all hot under the collar.  If it were anyone else I
would be all -- "Go get her killer!"  but for osme reason I don't harbor
those same sentiments for Felix.

The night wears on with Lenore flashing her eyes and licking her lips at
Felix.  He doesn't quite know what to make of her but I can see that he's
flatterred and clearly interested.  His Uncle keeps winking at him and his
Mother seems to be more bemused than anything else.

I'm disgusted, I'm uncomfotable and I'm jealous.  Yes I am
j.e.a.l.o.u.s. aight?

I know I've got a girlfriend, I know I'm trying not to think like this.., I
know, I know, I know.

I know I should know better.

And then I am saved from the situation by an unlikely source, Lenore
herself.  Her cellphone has just gone off and she quickly thanks everyone
for their company and the wonderful dinner before dashing off.  She still
has enough time to announce that she has a hot date with some college guy
she met online!  Talk about no shame...  I smirk at the deflated look on
Felix' face.  'Get used to it buddy' I smile to myself evilly.  That girl
is dangerous.


***


I help Felix to load the dishwasher and tidy up before I leave.  I warn him
about Lenore and he just laughs and talks about how hot and bothered she
got him.

We finish loading the dishwasher and then I say a quick goodbye to Gary and
Kath and the kids.

His mom's bathing the children and his Uncle's watching the news in the
lounge.

Felix follows me out to my truck.

"Felix I want to thank you for this afternoon, for tonight.  I promise that
I will be worthy of your friendship"

We have stopped by my truck and I'm leaning with my elbow against my open
door.  Felix is standing beside me looking all cute and apprehensive (there
I go again).

"You Maxsons ain't so bad after all" he smiles and so do I.

We're both kicking at the ground scuffing our shoes not quite knowing how
to say goodbye.  On my part I don't really want to say goodbye.  We
accidentally kick one another.

"Sorry, oh sorry!"  we both murmur, looking at each other and smiling
shyly.

"Well anyway I guess I had better a get a wriggle on" I say,

Felix laughs at my choice of words and then says "Okay then"

"Can I.., do you want a ride to school in the morning Felix?"  I question
him hopefully.

"Would it be any trouble?" he asks...

Trouble -- there's that word again...

"No Felix, it won't be any trouble at all" I respond.

"Ok then seeya Jake, I'm headin back in now"

But he just stands there.

"Seeya Felix, yeah it's getting cold so I'm gonna cruise right now"

I don't go anywhere.

We stand and we just steal glances at each other.

Finally we just do it... our third hug of the day.  He hugs me, I hug him
and we both hug one another.  I love it.

That was the best hug of the night!


"You take care dude" I say throatily.

"You too Jake, bye now"

"Yeah bye man" I'm back to being all hetero and jockish.  I jump in the
truck and quickly roar off down the street before I start asking for more
than just hugs.

I sneak a backward glance as I go round the corner and he hasn't moved one
step from his spot.  I smile to myself.

It's no trouble at all.


****************************************


Please join me again for the next chapter.

Contact the author -- joejoeparkertex@yahoo.com