Date: Tue, 13 Feb 2001 05:46:33 -0500
From: Ritch Christopher <ballmusic69@hotmail.com>
Subject: just-beyond-that-hill-8

All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or
are offended by Gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language,
please exit now.


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     "Dear Judd,

	It was so good to hear from you at long last. I hadn't heard a word from
you in over four weeks--no letter, no phone call, and you had me worried
shitless. So much bad has happened to your family in the past, I was so
afraid you had fallen to some harm and I would never hear from you again. I
still can't figure out why you decided to go to Titus, Texas. What's there
that's so different about here? I pray to God you haven't found someone to
take my place in your life. It took me long enough to find out who and what
I was. Then suddenly you leave in the middle of the night without a warning.
I didn't know what to think. I don't think I even spoke to Marie for two
days after you left.

	By the way, speaking of Marie, guess who's the daddy of a brand new baby
boy? That's right. Marie had a boy. Seven pounds and fourteen ounces. We
named it Harold Judd after you and Hal. Marie was fine in the hospital with
the baby, but since we got home, she won't hardly have anything to do with
it. She won't even nurse it. I have to do all the diaper changing and the
feeding and the rocking. Marie just sits in bed and reads magazines all the
time like she didn't have a care in the world.
She and I don't talk much. I don't think she wants to have sex. It doesn't
interest her since the baby was born. Maybe she's afraid of getting pregnant
again. That suits me, and kind of solves one problem. On the other hand it
stirs up another one. My abstaining for sex makes me miss you more than
ever. What I wouldn't give for one night...an entire night...just holding
you and proving how much I really do love you.

	Your mom and dad came from Oak Ridge to see the baby. They stayed in yours
and Hal's old room. I told her I had heard from you and you had gone
somewhere out west to see about getting into some college. I know  things
were rough on you. I know you didn't want to share me with your sister. But
that's all we could have. Your eyes and Marie's are so much alike. When I
had sex with her, I would look into her eyes and see you. Suddenly I was ten
times more aroused and she thought it was she, turning me on, when all the
while. I was imaging I was seeing you. I guess I should feel guilty for
deceiving her that way, but I don't. It just makes my love for you grow just
that much stronger.

	When are you coming home? I can't bear it here without you. We've had so
little time together. And I know some how, some way, things will work out
for us. It just has to. I want you to write me more about this Ed you are
living with. What's going on? And do I have reason to be jealous? If I find
out he's putting the make on you, I'll beat his ass all the way to the Rio
Grande and give him another reason to remember the Alamo. Did you like him
because we both had the same name? I'm getting angry just thinking about
him, so I'll close before I get in my car and head for Texas.

	Write me, real soon. And remember I love you, more than anything in  the
world. Hope to see you really really soon.

	                                 Love,

	                                 Eddie

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	Sure just reading that note made me homesick. I didn't know how long I
would be gone. And I certainly didn't know I would be staying in a place
called Titus, Texas for a few weeks. That afternoon with Forrest and Bryan,
I sorta hit it off with Ed. He had invited me over to his house to meet his
mom and have dinner, She reminded me so much of Momma. She had the usual ten
vegetables cooked and a piece of streaked meat, scallions, hot radishes, hot
cornbread, and iced tea.

	Their farm was no more modern than the diner in so far they didn't have a
cistern, which meant no indoor commode. There was a big slop jar by the bed
for emergencies in the middle of the night. Try balancing yourself on one of
those if you're not use to it. I might get on Arthur Godfrey's Talents
Scouts with that trick.

	Since Ed and I had dropped all secret barriers between us at the pond,
there was really no reason why I shouldn't share a bed with him. I had made
up my mind, that I wasn't going to forget Eddie, back home. I still loved
him, but until he found a way for us to be together, whether it meant
divorcing Marie and wearing a big red "A" on the bib of his overalls, I
decided it was all right to carry on and have plain sex with somebody, as
long as I didn't get involved and fall in love or nothing. I had learned
that uninvolved sex can be fun and can feel real good, if you don't let your
emotions get carried away from you, but so far even though I had had the
opportunity, Ed and I had not done anything in bed together.

	I don't know what made me stay as long as I did. I had been going down and
helping Ed at the diner...and we had had a couple of more "fishing"
expeditions with Bryan and Forrest. Those times we just cut to the chase and
left out all the card playing.

      But on the third week I was there, I saw the old Chevy limo pull up at
Ed's house. I knew this car,,,and I was all too familiar with the message it
would bring. Out stepped two naval officers in full uniform, carrying an
attache case underarm. They knocked at the door.

	"Mrs. Williams?"

	"Yes."

	"Are you Mrs. Ashley Williams, the mother of seaman first class Charles
Richard Williams?"

	"Well,..yes, I am."

	"Mrs, Williams it is my unfortunate honor and duty to inform you that your
son..."

	They didn't have to say more. Ed's mother collapsed in the doorway in a
dead feint.

	Ed was working and I ran to the doorway to catch her. Her face was pallid
and her brow was covered into tiny beads of cold sweat. She was breathing
heavily, gasping with short pants. I laid her on the cold linoleum rug and
ran to the couch to prop under her legs and feet. The two naval officers
stood there looking helpless, not knowing how serious was the damaged they
had just caused. I told them to watch her and fan her, while I went into the
kitchen to get some water and a washrag. I told one of them to wet the rag
and place it on her forehead, while I called for help.

	They didn't have indoor plumbing, but they did have a phone. I rang Ed at
the diner. No dial. You had to wait on an operator and give her your
number..."6017J, please,,,and hurry operator, it's an emergency."

	"Oh," the operator said, "has something happened to Mrs. Williams?"

	Everybody knew everybody and their business from the party line.

	"I'll tell you later, right now I need to speak to Ed real fast."

	"Diner."

	"Ed...this is Judd...can you get home as quick as you can and bring a
doctor with you?"

	"What's the matter, Judd."

	"It's you mom...she fell in the floor and I can't get her to come to. I
don't know if it's a heart attack of what...can you just come on home now?"

	"I'll be there in two shakes of a lamb's tail...and I'll stop by and bring
old Dr. Boone with me....Just keep her breathing, Judd, until I get there."

	It wasn't a heart attack...it turned out to be a stroke. She was paralyzed
on her left side and she couldn't speak. Her eyes were open and they would
follow you around the room which made us believe she knew who we were and
where she was. She just could communicate. Ed was so stricken by his
mother's condition, that it was two hours later, before I got around to
telling him about the news from the naval officers.

	"Rick is gone, too?"

	"I'm afraid so, Ed. Their ship was rammed by some enemy boat and 284
sailors died in the crash."

	"Did they find his body?"

	"They said they did." I assured him. "It may take a couple of weeks for
them to ship him back. This will give you time to plan a funeral."

	"Goddamn! Why me?  And why did this have to happen to Mom? And Rick? He was
my brother and my father all wrapped up into one. I loved him so much. I
just don't believe it. I want the Navy to call me up on the phone and say
'There's been a terrible mistake, your brother Rick is alive and well and
will be coming home to stay, shortly'."

	"I know,Ed. I've been through this. I lost my brother, Hal, the same way.
He was everything in the world to me. I know exactly how you feel."

	"And my mom...the nearest hospital is nearly 50 miles away. I don't know if
I should put her in the back of the truck and take her there or what."

	"The doctor said he had done all he could do...just let her rest and watch
her for the next day or two. If she gets any worse, then you might wanna
think about taking her to the hospital."

	"Judd, I gotta work...and I need to stay here. I cain't be in two places at
the same time."

	"Just relax, Ed. You've got me. I'm here with you as long as you need me. I
can watch your mom and do the chores around the house, or I can work for you
some at the diner, whichever you want...OK?"

	"God, I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't been here. Those
fucking navy men shouldn't've just blurted that out and scared the daylights
out of her like that, It's a wonder she didn't drop dead on the spot."

	"She almost did, Ed."

	"Those sons of bitches..."

	"Come on Ed, go check on your Mom while I fix some supper..OK?...And then
we can talk things out...make some plans...OK?"

	"OK...Thanks, Judd...and I mean it...thanks."


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	I just couldn't seem to escape sorrow and tragedy, I kept looking up to see
if I actually did have a dark cloud hanging over my head. I didn't know how
I could help Mrs. Williams. I had had no medical training and had really
never cared for a sick person. I couldn't understand the doctor's attitude
for just "leaving her there". I assumed he had already given up hope and
didn't expect her to recover. Either that or he didn't think she could
tolerate a 50 mile ride. I chose not to share my speculation with Ed. He was
worried enough. There was a couple of chunks of beef in the ice box and I
thought I would  boil them and make a beef broth and try to spoon feed her,
even though I didn't know if she could swallow or not.  Back home, when old
Mrs. Mowery had had a stroke, I heard that a person usually has a second one
within 38 days...and after that if would be a long term recovery. I didn't
think she would last another 38 days...and selfishly I didn't relish the
idea of sticking around there for another month or so. I wanted to get back
on the road and see places or even return home, for that matter.

	I fried Ed some sausage and eggs and reheated some leftover biscuits from
breakfast. He just sat there staring at his plate in disbelief. I reached
across the corner of the table and took his hand in mine.

	"Come on, Ed, try to eat something."

	"What am I gonna do, Judd. I mean, what will I do if I lose her?"

	"You haven't lost her yet." I said.

	"Do you believe in praying?"

	"I use to."

	"But not now?"

	"Ed, my momma raised me to be a hard-shelled southern Baptist and I use to
pray every time I skinned my knee...but then when I lost my brother, Hal, I
prayed and my prayers weren't answered. I felt like God had turned his back
on me and was gonna punish me for all the sins I had committed."

	"What kind of sins? I mean, what did you do that was so bad that you
thought God wouldn't forgive you?"

	"I did bad things, Ed, real bad things."

	"Whadja do?...Murder someone?...Steal something?...Set a house on fire?"

	"No, nothing like that."

	"Then, what then?"

	"Ed, I'm gonna tell you something I've only told one other person.

	"OK, I can keep a secret."

	"I was in love with my brother. I mean, really in love...and we use to do
things together...bad things..."

	"Like what?"

	"We use to have sex together...like a man and a woman...and he loved me
like I loved him."

	"And you think that's why God let him get killed?"

	"That's the conclusion I've drawn."

	"You may be right."

	"How so?"

	"Me and Rick use to do the same things. We loved each other too. He taught
me all about the birds and the bees, 'cept with us, it was more like the
bees and the bees."

	"You had sex with your brother?"

	"Every night for about a year, until he left for the navy. Do you think
that I'm being punished for that...with Rick being killed and Mom having a
stroke?"

	"Probably...I tell you another secret. After Hal was buried, my sister got
married to this guy...his name is Eddie, too...and him and me. we became
close...real close...like he was taking Hal's place in my life...and before
we knew what was happening...we were having sex, too...and we fell in love
with each other."

	"Your sister's husband?"

	"And he wrote to me the other day and told me that him and Marie, that's my
sister's name, had had a baby boy...and named him after Hal and me."

	"Wow...and that's why you left home?"

	"Yeah, I was afraid God knew what Eddie and I were doing and one of us
would get killed or the baby would be born dead or something."

	"Does Eddie still love you, I mean, after the baby and all?"

	"He said he does."

	"And you still love him?"

	"I think so...but I see no future for us...what with Marie and the new
baby...it would have to wind up in a mess."

	"Man, no wonder you don't know where your headed..You're running away from
God...and he know where you are all the time."

	"That's about the size of it."

	"Well do you think God was punishing you or me for doing what we did at the
pond...I mean it was my brother this time and my mom...not yours."

	"I don't know, but everyone I seem to get around is punished."

	"Aw no, I don't believe that...we ain't done nothin' all that wrong...just
a little guy stuff among friends. Hell me and Bryan and Forrest have been
foolin' around, way before Rick left...and nothing ever happened."

	"That's before I entered into the picture."

	"Shit, man, I don't know what to say...You walk around carrying all that
groom and loom on your shoulders...you gotta stop all that negative thinking
and enjoy life more."

	"I wish I could...Let's go see about your mom."

	"OK."

	Mrs. Williams was awake. Her eyes followed us into the room. When we got
near the bed, she looked at Ed and made some kind of noise in her throat,
like she was trying to tell him something.

	"Whatcha want Mom?"

	More guttural sounds came from her.

	"You want something?...You hungry?...Thirsty?...Are you in pain."

	She didn't respond to any of those questions.

	"You need to go to the bathroom?"

	She made a louder sound,

	"Is that it?...You wanna go to the bathroom...What should I do, Judd."

	"You got some old sheets?"

	"Go get me a couple and a pair of scissors and a washbasin with some soap
and water...a wash rag...and two big safety pins."

	He left to retrieve the supplies I had ordered. I lowered the covers and
revealed the odor coming from beneath her gown. I slowly raised it and
discovered she had gone to the bathroom in her panties. I gently pulled them
down, I didn't want to look at her face and embarrass her, I did my duty as
if I were an army medic. What was even more strange, I had never seen a
vagina up that close. It was a curious looking thing...just a patch of hair
leading up in between her legs. I wondered where was the entrance that men
found to make babies and get the sexual satisfaction I was always hearing
about at the old Shell filling station back home. Looking at her privates
even closer as I began to wipe her butt and between her legs. I thought,
there's really nothing there that excites me. I know she is old...but she
has all the same parts all girls do. Then I felt an opening. This was it. I
had found it. Who the hell would want to put their penis in a thing like
that? I certainly wouldn't. I'd take a dick with a hard on, any day, before
I would want a pussy. Maybe I wasn't so queer after all...maybe all my
buddies who liked girls were the queer ones...They would have to be to want
what a girl was trying to protect.

	"Whatcha doing, Judd?"

	"Your mom has had a little accident and I'm just trying to clean her up.
Give me that basin, that soap, and that washrag. You start cutting those
sheets into squares about a foot and a half big...and fold them up like
diapers...we'll use 'em on your mom."

	Ed got really busy acting as my nurse's aid. We cleaned and diapered her
and it looked like she was smiling at us in approval. I was able to get
about a half a cup of broth down her...and her eyes looked like she was
tired and wanted some sleep. So we covered her in warm quilts and put
pillows on each side of her, so she couldn't roll out of bed...turned out
the lights and quietly closed her door,

	"That was so good of you, Judd."

	"You'd have done the same for my momma."

	"I don't know if I would've been strong enough to do all that you did."

	"We rise to the occasion when we have to...now let's go to bed and I'll
come back and check on her every couple of hours. You need some sleep, You
have to work tomorrow,"

	We went into Ed's bedroom with the big wooden frame bed with all the inlaid
veneer on the headboard. He, too, had a chenille bedspread, but his peacock
was yellow and red instead of the usual purple.Those goddamned peacocks were
everywhere...Tennessee, Arkansas, and Texas.

	"If you leave your clothes in a pile, I'll wash 'em for you tomorrow."

	"Thanks, Judd...you're becoming a regular little housewife."

	"I wouldn't go that far...but I'm glad I can be of some help."

	"How would you like to stay on and live with me here...for a while, any
ways?"

	"I can stay for a while, I already told you that."

	"I mean,,,what about for good?"

	"I don't know...My mom and dad are both in Tennessee, and I have the
farm...and Eddie..."

	"Yeah, I forgot about Eddie...He's the one you're in love with."

	"Well,,,yes."

	"And what about me?"

	"Whaddya mean?"

	"What if I were to tell you, that I think I've fallen in love with you?"

	"I don't know what I would say."

	"Don'tcha have any feelings for me, at all?"

	"Of course I do...some..."

	"But not enough?"

	"I don't know, Ed. I haven't given it that much thought...I'll have to
think about it."

	"Could I ask you a favor?"

	"Sure."

	"Would you hold me in bed? I need someone just to hold me, tonight."

	Empathizing, I knew that feeling.

	"Sure I will."

	We undressed and Ed left his shorts on until after he had reached up and
turned the switch on that single bulb socket on the twisted silk electric
wire hanging from the ceiling. He slid out of his underwear and joined me in
bed. Ed was more nervous than he had let on. His body was actually
quivering. I felt the need to comfort him, as Ed had comforted me in my time
of grief. Facing each other, our bodies merged together, touching from chest
to toes. There was nothing sexual or sensual about the embrace. It was
solace he was seeking and it was understanding I was offering. He pulled my
body tighter into his to halt his shimmering. This caused our lips to touch
without even trying. I had never kissed Ed. Never even had the desire to. I
would admit he was good looking, well muscled from farm work, floppy blonde
hair and green eyes, but I had never really looked at him in that light, As
I lips met, I wondered if he had kissed Rick this way...and had there been
others...or what if I were the first person he had ever kissed? There was no
noticeable intrusion of a tongue trying to reach mine. I hesitated in
offering mine to make the gesture complete. I decided to wait to see if this
is what he wanted.,,but then he began to press my lips harder. The kiss was
becoming more than it was at the start. I was sensing a yearning...a
passion. I opened my mouth slightly to inhale and he took this as an
invitation to enter and explore...yet it still had a certain amount of
innocence in it. I continued not to respond...but when one begins this kind
of foreplay, the inevitable happens...the burning in the loins. Our penises
were rising rapidly together at the same speed and at the same time. We had
no control over these involuntary movements. He began to grind his crotch
into mine as he was turning me over on my back. He was on top of me. His
lips moved to my cheeks and he licked down my neck and found my shoulder in
a deliberate motion. He knew where this was leading. He knew what he wanted
and I knew what he needed, I relaxed and became willing to give myself, all
or part of me, to him. He raised my arm as he buried his face into my armpit
while leaving a residue of warm saliva. He pushed his body up with his arms
to attack my nipples. I couldn't stop him or nipples from standing erect. He
moved from one to the other before making a detour to explore my navel and
abdomen. He was hungry with lust now...He wanted me...all I of me...and
showing him no refusal, he assumed I had granted him permission to do as he
wanted. His nostrils were hot and steamy as they found my pubes. He was only
inches away from earning the prize he was seeking. He let out a sigh as he
took my whole cock in his mouth with his chin touching my scrotum. He thrust
his head up and down..first slowly but with an increased tempo as he
gathered up his courage. I still didn't resist and he knew he could have
me...all of me...I was giving myself to him. He stopped long enough to take
my ball sac into his hungry cave as his tongue flicked each of them. He put
his arms under my legs to raise them as he tried to reach the private area
underneath my balls, where Eddie so often liked to explore. Once he had
reached that destination, his journey continued to my anal opening. I
flinched as his tongue probed and tried to enter. Having succeeded in prying
me open he began to tongue fuck me. I could feel the first few inches of my
rectum being soused with spit, He replaced his tongue with his forefinger
and it began to jostle around inside me, striking my prostate and sending
chills up my spine, This was such an erotic and tingling sensation, but I
knew I would stop him if he tried to substitute his finger with his cock. I
had my limit on how far I would go...and that was it.

	But he didn't try, He just kept wriggling his finger inside me while his
mouth returned to my cock. I was too far gone to want or even attempt to
stop him. He had swallowed my cum down by the creek, so this was nothing new
I hadn't done with him before,

	"Ed, I'm ready, if you don't want a mouth full."

	"I want it, baby,"

	This was a new and unusual term of endearment coming from him..."baby".

	"All right, if you want it...here it comes."

	He plowed his mouth over my organ enveloping every inch and swallowing
every drop I had to give. He had done this to me before, but not with the
same intensity as this. This was something else. Last time was for fun. This
time was for real. He was making love to my manhood.

	Finally when I felt myself shrinking and becoming flaccid. He let go of me
and returned to the pillow to face me once again. He kissed me. This time I
met him with an open mouth so that he could share the droplets of pleasure
he had mined from my shaft. He pulled back to say,

	"Judd, I love you so much."

	"Do you?"

	"Yeah, I have wanted to do that since you started staying with me."

	"I have wanted it too."

	"I don't know why we waited so long."

	"Maybe I was scared."

	"Of what?"

	"Where this might lead."

	"You mean there's a chance this might lead somewhere between you and me?"

	"Ed I was afraid you might think that...and I didn't want to lead you
on...building up false hopes."

	"Judd, don't you even love me a little,"

	"Of course."

	"Just not a lot?"

	"Just...not...a...lot."

	"It's Eddie back home, ain't it?"

	"Yes,,,I guess so."

	"God how I envy him...I could almost hate him."

	"Don't do that."

	"Judd, be reasonable...where's your and Eddie's relationship gonna lead? He
won't leave your sister, now that they've had a baby,,,and you've proved to
yourself you can't stand being around them together. You just torture
yourself."

	"...I know."

	"If you wanted to...you could stay here with me...and if somethin' were to
happen to mom, I would give you half this farm...My dad always hinted there
was oil on those far acres out there...and we...you and me...could buy some
equipment....and drill for that oil...and who knows...we might even become
millionaires...We could do all that...if'n you just stay with me...I
mean,,,I know you wouldn't love me at first...the way I love you...but you
might learn to...and Judd, we could be happy together...I would make you
happy,"

	"It sounds like a dream, Ed."

	"Hell yeah, it;s a dream...but a man who ain't got no dream, ain't
alive...he's just dead and too dumb to lay down."

	"What about my dreams, Ed. I'm not dead...I have dreams too."

	"And I bet your dreams don't include me..."

	"They might...under other circumstances..."

	"All right, I'll make you a deal...I'll share you...You write Ed...or call
him...and tell him to leave your sister and come out to Texas and live with
you and me...I'll take a part if I cain't have all of you."

	"I'm not so sure that Eddie back home would be that generous, I don't know
if he would share me with you."

	"Well he don't mind you sharing him with your sister,"

	"I hadn't thought about that."

	"Well think about it...it's true, ain't it?"

	"Ed, you're confusing the issue...I can't make a decision like that on the
spur of the moment."

	"I won't ask you to...just stay here with Mom and me and decide later...in
a week or two...until Mom gets better."

	"You make a mighty tempting offer, Mr, Williams. but I don't think it's
possible or practical. First of all I don't think Eddie would leave
Marie...and even if he did and came out here to live with you and me, you
wouldn't stand around and watch us being in love with each other...It
wouldn't be fair to you."

	"I would be here every time he don't want you,"

	"If I didn't know you were so serious I would laugh."

	"I love you, Judd...will you think about that? And I ain't got no sister
for you to share me with. I don't have a brother neither, any more...Judd I
know it's asking a lot but would you help me make funeral arrangements for
Rick...Mom would have done it if she..."

	"I know...yes, I will help you."

	"I just need you so much right now...and the more I need you, the more I
want you and having just had you...I love you, more than ever."

	"Let me think this through,,,and in the meantime, cowboy, you need to get
some sleep...you're gonna be tired at the diner tomorrow. I'll go check on
you mom....OK?"

	"OK...and Judd?"

	"Yeah?"

	"I really do love you...I mean really, really..."

	"I know...you told me."

	"I was afraid you didn't believe me."

	"I do believe you...now go to sleep...why don't you jerk off first? It will
help you relax...OK?"

	"I'd rather wait 'till you get back."

	"If I'm not back in five minutes...start without me."

	"That's what the whore said in that old joke."

	"And that's what I said, too,"

	I closed the door and crept down the hall to Mrs. Williams room. I couldn't
find the socket hanging from her ceiling to turn on the only light in the
room. I reached and reached without success, even bumping into her bed a
couple of times. Finally, I succeeded in finding it and clicked it on. I
went over to her bed...she must have been in a sound sleep because I
couldn't even hear her breathing, I neared the bed and stroked the hair
across her forehead, Her forehead was cold and clammy.The droplets of sweat
that were there when I left, were gone now. I looked closer to her chest and
it wasn't moving. I shook her slightly and called her name. She still didn't
nudge. I saw her purse by the bed and reached down and looked to see if she
had a compact of powder. I didn't see one, but I did see a small mirror with
a black swan painted on the back of its metal covering. I fearfully reached
for the mirror and placed the glass on her lips. I waited about fifteen
seconds and pulled away and looked at it, There was no breath
moisture.,,Mrs, Williams was dead...and I would have to go back and tell Ed
that he was now alone.

	I wanted to run out the door and head for my truck, With his mom gone, Ed
would want me to stay now, more than ever, and I couldn't face refusing him.
I was letting all kinds of outside factors control my life...and I wanted to
keep running. How far did I have to go? All the way around the world before
I reached home again? Or since the road leads both ways...would I just turn
around and head back the way I had come from...back to Tennessee?