Date: Mon, 23 Jun 2003 23:33:16 -0400
From: Tyler Peel <tylerpeel@hotmail.com>
Subject: Last Day

***Please Note***

This story depicts depression and attempted suicide.  This story contains
scenes depicting sexual acts between males and incest.

If you are under the age of 18, or if it is illegal for you to read such
material in your state, please do not read further.  If this type of
material offends you, again, please do not read further.

This story is completely a work of fiction.  The characters and situations
in the story exist solely in the author's imagination.  If you have
questions, comments or suggestions regarding this story, please email me
at: tylerpeel@hotmail.com

Please read the Author's note at the end of the story before emailing.


LAST DAY

Journal Entry:  94
USER ID:  Joey14

Well readers, this is my final entry.  Tomorrow is the day.
I am both excited and nervous.  I couldn't sleep last night
and I doubt I will sleep much tonight.  For those who happen
upon my journal after tomorrow I thought it would be nice to
give you an insight as to why I have come to this decision
I've made. I plan to erase all of the previous entries
except for this one.
Firstly I want to thank the nice people who have hosted my
journal.  You people have allowed me to work through my
feelings and come to this decision.  I also want to thank
those who signed my guest book.  I know some of you are
upset about this - please don't be!   I have taken into
consideration all that you have told me.  I don't blame any
one of you and please don't take my actions personally.  If
you don't have the stomach to finish reading my last journal
entry then I understand.  One last important thing to know
is that I have closed my guest book and erased all of the
entries.  I have also cleaned out and closed my Hotmail
account so that nothing ever leads back to you people.
Shoutouts to Sarah, David, Amy, Tiff, Martha, Thomas, Bart,
Tim's 1 and 2, Julie, Amanda, and the Toddymeister.  You
guys are the best and thanks for your advice.  Yes! I heard
you all even if I didn't listen to any of you.LOL.  Okay!
Let's begin!

I live with my Father and Mother, and two brothers, Ryan
(20) and Corey (16).   I am 14 years old.  Dad works for a
custom car painting company and spends every free moment
occupied with anything automotive.  Mom is a wannabe Artist.
(lol)  She spends all of her time painting and sculpting
crap.  Ryan is, or rather was, my best friend.  Ryan left
last September to become a Fireman.  Corey is arrogant,
rude, and obnoxious older brother.  Did I mention that I am
in love with him?

We live in a very small middle class house in the `white
trash' side of town.  Our house is so small that there are
only two bedrooms upstairs and a converted family room in
the basement.  Ryan, being the oldest always lived upstairs.
When Ryan moved out, Mom made his room into her personal Art
studio and sculpture room which meant Ryan wouldn't have his
own private bedroom.  Corey has been jealous of Ryan since
he was about 12 for not having his own bedroom and therefore
having to share with me.

BRB - My brother is home!

Okay, I am back!  He only stopped home to change his
clothes.

As I was saying, Corey has always been jealous of Ryan and
he usually takes his anger out on me.  Ryan and I look a lot
alike.  We have very dark hair, are well tanned, and have
round, brown eyes.  Ryan wears his hair at about a one-inch
buzz cut; while I wear mine parted down the centre.  If it
weren't for all of Ryan's muscles I would be his twin, but 6
years younger.  Corey is another story.  He has the same
dark hair that we have but the similarities stop right
there.   He has these Eurasian eyes that are just a little
slanted with deep blue sapphires behind them.  He actually
looks a little like Josh Hartnett, but better.  When he
smiles, which is rare around this house - or me, he has
these dimples and bright white teeth that make everyone melt
around him. Corey isn't slim or fat.  He is toned.  Dark
tan, ribbed tummy, and muscles almost everywhere.   The only
two advantages I have over Corey are that I am doing better
in school than he did at my age and that I am the same size
as him.  Where it counts, that is!  What you need to
understand is that he could commit a murder and get away
with it based on his looks.  He can hand in his assignments
late and give that smile to either male or female teachers
and get away with what he wants.  The only people his charm
won't work on are his family and that doesn't make Corey
happy.  Although he has made my life a living Hell and I
can't think of anyone I hate more, I am still in awe and
very much in love with him.

Until Corey hit his teens he basically got anything and
everything.  Ryan and me are so quiet but maybe that is only
because we couldn't get a word in with Corey around.  At
about 12 years of age Corey began throwing fits of rage.
Problem was that my parents are too self-centred to give any
time to us.  It didn't take them long to realize that Corey
was cutting into `their' time and they came down hard on
him.   The end result was that he was angry with Mom and
Dad, angry with Ryan for having his own bedroom, and angry
with me for being in `his' bedroom.

Corey preferred fantasy to reality.  He never studied or
even played many sports.  Corey only liked Corey.  He is a
problem child, but not really.  Ryan and me were simply
smart enough to know not to fight my parents because it
doesn't get you anywhere.   About the only thing I have seen
Corey take an interest in over the last few years is reading
Harry Potter and sabotaging anything I like or care about.
I don't really understand why he hates me so much?  He has a
million friends but doesn't really have one best friend.

When you enter the side door of our house there is a
stairway that goes right down to the basement.  Hang a right
and you go to the laundry room, furnace room and storage
area for all of Mom's sculptures.  Make a left and you have
a bathroom with a shower and our room.  Corey decided to
divide our room in two.  Two-thirds that is!  Two thirds of
the room is his.   He even taped out an area marking his
side.  I complained to Mom but all she said was, "Why can't
you two just get along?"  Then she shooed me away.  The only
part of the room that we actually share is where our
computer desk sits.   When Corey is bored he will demand I
get off the computer.  Not because he wants it, but because
he knows I might be getting some pleasure.   This kind of
stuff truly defines my brother.  He has a full time job of
taking out his anger on me, or simply enjoying hurting me
somehow.

This is what my last few years have been like.  If he passes
me in the hall, he will punch me.  If I get a phone call he
tells people I am not here and won't even tell me who
called.  He even deleted my science project off the
computer.  When Ryan was living at home he would protect me
to a point but after awhile Corey threatened me with double
whatever Ryan gave him.  Ryan knew this as well and it ended
being easier to just let Corey have his way.

So you sort of have an understanding of what Corey is like
now?   Now you readers are probably wondering why I love
him?  It isn't something that I can explain very well.  He
has this personality that can be very funny.  There are
times when we play video games and he is almost nice - as
long as I don't beat him!   Sometimes when I have been at
home sick from school he has looked after me.   I think he
knows that Mom and Dad aren't going to.  If I ask him how to
do something he almost seems to love having an audience.
His eyes get bright and big.  He seems almost excited that I
am paying attention to him. Little does he know!   A couple
of years ago he was trying to teach me how to inline skate
but when I didn't catch on he became really mad started to
run into me, knocking me down every time I got up.  When he
would teach me one of his new video games and I did actually
learn how to play, even beating him, he got even madder.
No matter what I did I couldn't please him.

With school ending in a couple of weeks, Corey has been
threatening me with all the things he is going to do to me
when I start high school.  It is bad enough at home but
school is my only escape from this house I live in.  I
cannot attend school with Corey.  All of his friends hate me
because of things Corey has said even though they don't know
me.  I know I will never survive grade nine and ten with him
at the same school.
That is the short version of why I have to do what I have to
do.   For you new readers please know that I have heard all
the opinions from a lot of people.  For those of you who
say, "it's only a couple of years" have obviously never
lived with what I have for four years now.  As I said before
it isn't easy to explain why I am in love with my brother.
I simply am.  I am going to leave him a detailed letter as
to why I am doing this.  I am also going to tell him how
much I hate and love him.   Some of it is simple vengeance
and some it is in hope that he might change for the future.
Either way, he will be forced to hear how I feel for once
and he will finally get the bedroom to himself.

Thanks everyone, love Joey.

Joey closed his journal and made sure that the password was
erased.  He turned off the computer and lay down on his bed.
Having many things to do before tomorrow he began to think
about what he had accomplished.  Joey laughed to himself as
he stared at the ceiling wondering if the guy that built
this house ever thought what multiple purposes those beams
might have.  He was almost giddy with excitement over buying
the rope at the hardware store.  Telling the service clerk
that he wanted to be able to "haul heavy boxes of about 130
lbs up to his tree fort."

He had considered going deep into the lake but knowing that
he knew how to swim it would look like an accident.  He
wanted his parents and Corey to know that they were behind
his actions.  Taking a few bottles of pills might only make
him sick and he didn't really know what all of them were for
anyway.  Joey didn't know anybody who owned a gun so that
idea was out.  Walking or running into traffic might only
leave him with broken bones or paralysed for the rest of his
life.  Nope, the noose was perfect in every way! He would do
it right up there as he pointed to the ceiling.  Monday
morning.  Three days before Corey's.  If he timed it
right the funeral would ruin his birthday.  Joey didn't
really want to ruin Corey's birthday but he knew it would
give him something to complain about for an eternity.  He
laughed aloud thinking about it.

The timing was perfect.  Joey still had two weeks of school
left so he wouldn't have to write exams.  Not that they
would be a problem anyway.  His mother always volunteered
Monday's at the Art Gallery so she wouldn't be around, Dad
would be at work, and Joey at school.  He realized that he
had better get to work on his plan.  Jumping up off the bed
he went to the bathroom and ran very hot water, soaking his
face with a washcloth until he was hot, damp, and clammy.
He then soaked his shirt around the neck so it looked like
he had been sweating.  He mused his hair up and went
upstairs to his Mom.

Feigning ill and holding his taut little tummy he asked,
"Mom, I don't feel good.  Can I have an aspirin?"

She looked over at him and said, "Sure Honey, you know where
they are.  Only take two!  Get yourself some water and get
back into bed."

"Okay.." And he dawdled off to the medicine cabinet in the
upstairs bedroom.  Grabbing two aspirins he threw them in
the garbage and went to the kitchen to get a drink.  Lying
back on his bed he thought to himself, "Step One -
complete!"

Joey got up and pulled open each drawer in his chest.
Thoroughly checking a second time that he had thrown out
anything he didn't want anyone else to see.  He really hated
getting rid of his collection of boy pictures from the
catalogues.  Three years worth of masturbation pics gone!
He carefully returned Ryan's missing yearbooks to the
bookcase in the living room.  He wouldn't need those pics
either.  His homemade dildo had already left with the
garbage man on Thursday.  Everything in every drawer was
organized and ready to be given away.  The computer was now
wiped clean of every place he had been, every hidden
bookmark, and every jpeg.  All that was left to do was to
write the letter to Corey.  Something that Joey had been
putting off.

He again went over his plan again in his mind.  Dad and
Corey are both gone by 7:30 a.m. because they have to be at
work and school by 8:00 a.m.  Mom has to be gone by 8:30
a.m. because the Gallery opens at nine.  I can sleep in
tomorrow morning and be done before noon when Corey comes
home from lunch.  "He'll be the first to find me, Joey
thought to himself, Perfect!"

Hearing the footsteps bouncing down the stairs Joey covered
himself up in bed.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Corey asked.

"I'm sick, so shut up and go away." Joey yelled back.

"Yeah right!  One hour ago you were on the computer.
Whatever! Just don't get your germs on my side of the room."
Corey told him.  Grabbing his skates he ran out of the room
and upstairs.  He was almost out the door when his Mom
caught him.

"Corey, you have an exam to study for tomorrow!" She warned
him.

"No problem Mom, I've got it all covered.  Just going over
to Jason's to do a study session." He told her.

"Study session? With no books and your skates? Please! Cut
the crap Corey.  You're staying home tonight after dinner
and studying!" She told him.

"Whatev." he whispered under his voice as the screen door
slammed shut.

Joey knew that he had a couple of hours before Corey was
back.  He had two things to do:  Write the letter and phone
Ryan.  Joey knew that Ryan had an answering machine so he
would be safer to phone him in the morning just before.
Turning on the computer he opened up MSOffice2k and began
his letter.  After three hours of writing and then erasing
he came up with what he wanted to say.   He thought it would
be a lot longer but it wasn't.

"Short and to the point," he thought, "and probably more
than Corey can absorb anyway?"   "Maybe I should put a
mirror in with the letter so he can keep his attention?"
Joey laughed aloud to himself.  He took the letter and
stuffed it inside his bible.  The one place Corey could
never accidentally find it.  Everything else that needed to
be done couldn't be done until tomorrow so he knew he was
set.  Joey began to feel nauseous just thinking about it,
which was just as well since he is currently `too sick' to
eat dinner.  Deciding to spend the evening finishing his
Lawrence Saunders novel, Joey drifted off to sleep with a
smile knowing that the serial murderer was actually a
librarian.

Joey was awake from about five in the morning.  At 6:55 a.m.
Joey pulled out the empty bottle of Windex that he filled
with water and sprayed his face, hair and, t-shirt making
sure his pillow was damp too.  He positioned his head under
the covers but with a hole so that he could watch Corey get
out of bed.  This was, after all, going to be his captured
vision for his final jerk off.  Morning came far too soon
for Corey as his alarm clock went off.  Ten minutes, later
Dad yelling to both boys to get up.  Joey watched as Corey
pushed the covers down.  He could immediately see his
erection peeking threw his boxers.  Corey's eyes were still
closed.  Joey watched this lifeless figure sit up in bed
with his nipples erect and tanned muscles flexing out as
Corey stretched.  Joey knew his own erection was popping
through his boxers as well.  Corey looked over at Joey and
yelled, "Get up FUCK HEAD or you'll be late."

From under the covers Joey responded back in his best hoarse
voice, "I'm sick and I'm not going to school."

"Whatever butt munch."  Responded Corey as he stood up, bent
over and removed his boxers walking nude to the bathroom.

Seeing Corey's ass was the only thing that took his mind
away from thinking about his final morning.  No sooner had
the shower began than his Dad was down knocking on the
bathroom door telling, "Whoever is in their hurry up or we
will be late!"

Corey opened the door wrapped in a towel and said, "I'm
almost ready!"

"What about your brother?" his Dad asked.

"He's sick.  I've been telling you that for years.. says he
isn't going to school today."  Corey yelled up the stairs to
his Dad.

Joey was trying hard to keep his hand off his dick as he
spied on his naked brother doing his hair and getting
dressed.  Corey pulled on white boxer-briefs, followed by
cargo shorts and a red t-shirt.   Joey figured he was
wearing his sandals because he didn't put on any socks.

By eight-thirty the house was silent!  Joey got up and made
his bed.  He pulled open the drawer out from his matesbed
and reached in behind to get the rope out.  Everything was
ready.  The noose was tied and the length was cut.  All he
had to do was tie a double knot around the rafter by moving
the ceiling tiles on each side.

Carefully pulling out his unopened Bible he retrieved the
letter he had typed for Corey.  "Now where to put it that he
will find it but no one else?" Joey pondered aloud.

"Ah-hah! Of course!  Inside his Harry Potter and the
Sorcerer's Stone book." He told himself.  Joey pulled the
book out of the bookcase headboard over his bed and inserted
the letter in the bent page.  He then replaced the book but
left it sticking out halfway.  Looking down on Corey's
unmade bed he ran his hand over the sheets.  When he slid
his hand under the covers he could tell it was still warm
from his body being there over an hour ago.  Then he spotted
his prize!   Grabbing his freshly warn boxers from the pile
of clothes on the floor, Joey shoved them into his face
inhaling deeply.

"Nothing musty here." He said aloud.  All he could smell was
the scent of Corey's Axe deodorant spray.  Taking Corey's
two pillows and placing them in the position that Corey
would sleep, Joey laid down on top of the pillows and began
humping the lower one pretending it was Corey while he
sniffed the boxers in his hand.  Pulling the two pillows one
on top of the other he started grinding his groin into the
sheets dreaming that Corey was underneath him.  Even his
foreskin couldn't stop the burning feeling of the sheets but
he didn't care.  This was the next best thing to holding the
love of his life in his arms.  It wasn't long and Joey blew
jets of cum onto Corey's bed leaving a messy puddle.  When
he came down from his high he sniffed the boxers once more
and began to cry.   The reality of being this close and yet
so far, hit home.  What could have been?  What will never
be?  It was now close to ten-thirty when Joey got up and
pulled the covers over the stain.  He looked at Corey's
clock and decided he had better shower and dress.

Walking naked to his dresser, Joey paused to look at his
body.  Grabbing his now soft dick he slid the foreskin back
to take one last good look.  He smiled thinking about his
almost six inches of manhood.  Bigger than anyone else his
age he had seen.  "You've served me well Big Guy," he told
his dick, "always there for me and never let me down."  He
smiled, looking down.

Going to his closet he pulled out his graduation hand-me-
down suit and put his white shirt and tie inside of it.
Looking at his shoes he realized they really did need to be
polished but then again, who sees them?  He laughed to
himself.

Putting on a brand new pair of socks and his favourite pair
of Old Navy boxers, he hopped over to his chest-of-drawers
to grab his Team U.S.A. hockey shirt.  Looking in the mirror
Joey grabbed his neck with both hands wondering what kind of
mark would be left from the rope.  He decided that he had
better put some lotion on his neck so that the bruising
wouldn't be so bad.   "Nobody wants to look bad in their
coffin do they?" He asked himself.

He was all but dressed with the exception of deciding on
pants.  His hockey jersey hung down over his boxers so he
decided he wouldn't wear any.   The time was almost 10:45
a.m.   He wanted to get it done long before Corey came home
for lunch.  He lifted up the receiver from Corey's phone.
One more thing he was never aloud to touch and dialled his
brother's apartment. For the first time Joey began to
perspire for real.  Afraid his brother would be home and
answer.  After the fourth ring, the answering machine took
over.  As Joey listened to the message he began to choke up
and cry a little. When the beep came on Joey said,  "Hey
Ryan, <sniff> it's Joey.  Ummm I just called to say I love
you and I miss you."  He slammed the phone down. Ryan was
the one person Joey had forgotten about.  He knew this would
hurt Ryan and while he didn't want to ever hurt him, Joey
figured he would understand the most of any of his family.

Taking the rope he carefully fed it over the beam and tied
the double knot that the hardware man had shown him.  He
pulled the desk chair out which was actually Ryan's seat at
the kitchen table.  Steadying himself by leaning on the
bedroom door he stood up on the chair.  Grabbing each side
of the noose with each hand he stared through it.  He felt
like a lion jumping through a flaming hoop.  Once through
you could never go back.

"Dude, you want to come in?" Corey said to Todd.

"How long you gonna be?" Todd asked.

"Not long.  I'll just grab my skates.but I have to check on
my brother.  He is home sick today." Corey told Todd.

"Look, my Mom only let me have the car to go to the exam so
I wouldn't have to wait for the bus.  Tell ya what!  Why
don't I go and run the car home and meet you at the park?"
Todd devised.

"Cool Dude, no problem.  Thanks for the lift." Corey said as
he waved Todd off and ran up the driveway.

Joey paused, hearing the car outside.  He couldn't see from
his basement bedroom window but hearing it leave he knew he
was safe.  Then he heard the door slam open.  "Someone's
home," he said to himself.  Frozen in his tracks he decided
not to move.  "Maybe its just Dad getting something?" he
thought.

Within a flash he heard the footsteps pounding down the
stairs and before he could do anything Corey slammed the
door open knocking Joey off the chair down to the ground.

"WHAT THE FUCK????"  Corey screamed at Joey lying on the
ground.  "What the fuck are you doing asshole?" he yelled at
his brother.

Joey couldn't speak.  He just stared at him.

"Are you insane?" Corey said as he glared down at his
brother.

The only thing that came into Joey's mind was the letter he
had written to his brother.  He ran over to Corey's bookcase
headboard and grabbed the Harry Potter book.  When Corey saw
him grabbing his book he dove onto his brother easily
wrestling the book away from him.

"What is up with you? Will you tell me please?" Corey begged
of his brother. At that moment Corey hadn't put all the
pieces together yet.   He wondered if Joey was trying some
stunt out of his book?   Joey attempted to get up and run
for the door but Corey grabbed him and blocked the door.
Joey ran to his bed and began to sob loudly into his pillow.
Corey leaned against the door and stared at his brother.  As
he watched him, he was completely confused.

Corey figured his brother was having some sort of breakdown
but it wasn't something he had ever seen before.  Especially
not from quiet little Joey! He dropped his book on the floor
and walked over and sat down on Joey's bed beside him.  Joey
feeling the movement of his mattress turned his head toward
the wall dragging his pillow with him.  Corey reached out to
stroke his back but just hovered over top of his body not
touching it.  He pulled his hand back.  Corey had never had
to deal with the pain he was feeling inside for his brother
or anyone else for that matter.  He wanted to find out what
Joey's problem was so he could help but he didn't know how.
Reaching his hand out a second time to Joey's back he
paused.  Those same feelings that had tortured him inside
for the past four years came back to the forefront.  How he
longed to touch some of the boys in his gym class and be
touched by them.  How he wanted to be held, hugged, and
loved.  Always afraid of the rejection he buried his
feelings deep inside.

"Joey, Joey!" he said softly, but Joey just continued to cry
into his pillow.  Slowly he rested his palm on Joey's back.
Joey jerked his body afraid that Corey was going to hurt
him.  Again Corey pulled his hand away.

"Please talk to me Joey?  I don't know how to help you?  You
are scaring me."  Corey said in a heightened whisper.  "I
don't understand what is wrong?  Are you trying to.  hurt
yourself?"  He asked.  "Why would you want to kill
yourself?" He asked Joey, trembling at even saying the
words.

"Go AWAY!" Joey yelled into his pillow, "You don't
understand!  You never have and you never will!"

"You're right Joey.  I don't understand and I am only trying
to help." Corey said but got no response.  He looked up at
the rope tied around the ceiling and the chair knocked over.
He decided he had better take the rope down.  After untying
the knot he wrapped the rope up and set it on his bed.  Then
he picked up the chair and put it back in front of the
computer.  He looked around the room and saw his Harry
Potter book on the floor.  There was an envelope stuck
partially out of it.  He picked up the book and the
envelope.
Corey read his name on it.  At first he thought that Joey
was hiding a letter from him but then he realized that it
was Joey's writing on it.  Leaning against the door, Corey
slid down to the floor and began opening the letter.   Joey
just buried his face and sobbed, afraid to look at Corey.

Corey opened the letter and began to read it to himself.

"Dear Corey,

By now you are wondering what was going on with me?  I've
been wondering that about myself for a long time now.  I've
tried to do everything to be a good brother.  I've tried to
stay out of your way.  I've worked really hard at being
invisible to you so you wouldn't hate me much as you do.
Nothing worked?  I don't even know what it is that I do that
makes you hate me more than anyone else on earth.  If I
could run away I would have.   I just don't know how.  I
asked Ryan about moving in with him but he said he didn't
have enough room.

There is a second part as to why I have killed myself.
<Corey could feel tears running down his cheek as the
reality of everything just sank in>  I know that telling you
this will only make you angrier but I have to be honest with
you.  I love you and I don't mean as a brother.  I guess I
should say I am `in love' with you.  I always have been.
There!  I said it!  Is it possible for you to hate me even
more, now that I am dead?

I have always looked up to you.  You are the strong and
brave person I always wanted to be but never will.  I always
wanted to be held in your arms and protected from everyone
around me but all I ever did was bring out your hatred for
me.

I have to confess to you that even when I am jerking off I
think only of you.  It sounds pretty sick doesn't it?  "I
love the person I hate." I can't help feeling what I feel
for you.   I know it's wrong but it is real and it's deep
within my heart.

I decided that between my love for you, which I will never
have, and your hatred of me I couldn't live in this house
anymore.  The last thing I to want to do is keep hurting you
by being in your life.  Crazy?  Maybe I am.

All that matters now is that you know I have always loved
you unlike anyone else in my life.  I hope by my being gone
that you can have the life you deserve and want, one without
your little brother in it.  I know you don't want any of my
stuff but it is all yours if you want it.  I'm sure you will
have a happier birthday on Thursday without me around.

I love you,

Joey.

Corey looked up over the letter at his brother sobbing into
his pillow.  He felt his stomach tighten up.  Corey could
now understand the pain Joey was in.   Until now he hadn't
realized that he had used Joey to take his anger out on.
He had made his little brother's life such a Hell that he
would take his life.  The tears running down Corey's eyes
made it difficult to focus on Joey.   He got up and went to
Joey's bed.  Placing his hand on Joey's back made Joey
scream, "DON'T HURT ME!  PLEASE!"

Corey rolled Joey over and pulled the tear stained pillow
from his face.  This was the first time Joey had looked at
his brother since he ran to his bed.  He could see the
steady stream of tears running down Corey's face.  Corey
tried to speak but no sensible words would come out.
Pulling Joey up to him in his arms he hugged him tightly.
Corey released a deep breath and sigh at holding his brother
in his arms.  In an almost inaudible shaky voice, Corey
whispered between breaths, "Joey, will you ever forgive me?"
Joey felt Corey's arm pull him tightly to his chest.  "Could
you ever forgive me?" Corey added.  Before Joey could answer
Corey began crying aloud.  He pushed Joey down underneath
him as he physically collapsed over the realization of what
he had done to Joey.


Joey's crying had turned into a sniffle as he tried to
breath under Corey's weight.  "Corey! I can't breathe!  Get
off me!  Are you trying to kill me?" he yelled at his
brother.   Both stopped and looked at each other through
teary eyes.  Joey was the first to see the humour and
giggle.   Corey caught off guard by this response broke into
laughter.

"I love you Joey!!!!!!!" Corey said through his tears,
running his hand through Joey's hair.   "Please, please,
forgive me!!!!!!" Corey begged.

Corey rolled over so that they were side by side in each
other's arms. Joey looked into his brother's eyes.  Right
now, twenty minutes after he was suppose to be dead, he was
holding and being held by the one person he had always loved
and always hated.  What if I had gone through with it he
thought?   I never would have this chance to be held by
Corey.
Joey never having had the upper hand, paused, tapped his
finger against his lips and looked up the ceiling and said,
"I dunno?  What's in it for me?"  He said so seriously and
then busting out laughing.

"You little shit!" Corey yelled.   He got on top of Joey and
placed his hands on each side of Joey's face.  He sniffed up
his runny nose a couple of times and said, "This is what's
in it for you!"  As he lowered his lips to Joey's and kissed
him.  Joey didn't know what to do with his hands so he just
wrapped them around Corey and pulled him down on top of him.

Parting lips for air more than anything else, Corey repeated
his question to Joey.  "Will you, or rather can you, forgive
me for everything I've ever done to you?   I will spend the
rest of my life making it up to you Joey, if you will let
me?  Please give me a second chance.  I didn't know what I
had but I do now.  I don't even know the right words to say
except that I am so sorry.  Please forgive me I never want
to lose you."  Corey burst back into tears as he realized
how close he came to losing the only person who ever truly
loved him.

Joey pulled him tight into chest and whispered in his ear,
"How could I not forgive the only person I ever loved?"
Smiling, Joey looked down at his sobbing brother and kissed
his forehead and said,  "Thanks for saving me Corey."

"No Joey, thank you, for saving us!"

Journal Entry:  95
User ID:  Joey14

Bad News Readers!!!!!!!!!!  I'm backkkkkkkk!  And I'm no
longer alone!



Author's NOTE:   I am not a psychologist or in anyway
trained to deal with this sort of situation.  This is a
fictional story and nothing more.  This story is not
condoning suicide in any way, shape or form.   There is no
life that isn't worth saving and we are not always the best
judges of ourselves.  If you have some of the feelings that
the characters "Joey" or "Corey" had, please seek out a
friend, loved one, someone you trust or a professional in
the field.   You may not realize that the actions that you
might take directly affect the lives of those around you.
The only purpose of this story is to show that anyone who
might be considering such a selfish act that there is always
a tomorrow.  Sometimes we don't get to say "I love you" or
"good-bye" so please take care of those around you, as we
never know what tomorrow brings.

Tyler

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