Date: Mon, 11 Nov 2002 06:10:15 -0800
From: JS Collection <js.collection@verizon.net>
Subject: like a promised sunrise 3

THIS STORY IS TOTALLY FICTITIOUS. IT CONTAINS DESCRIPTIVE SEX BETWEEN TWO
MEN. IF THIS IS OFFENSIVE TO YOU DON'T READ IT. IF IT IS ILLEGAL FOR YOU TO
BE READING IT, YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE TO BEGIN WITH SO JUST GO
ELSEWHERE. OTHERWISE, ENJOY IT. JWS

P.S. MOST OF MY WRITING HAS SOME SEX IN IT. IT IS SELDOM IN THE BEGINNING
AND IS USUALLY AN INTEGRAL PART OF THE STORY. SO IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR
JACKOFF MATERIAL YOU ARE PROBABLY WASTING YOUR TIME READING ME. JWS


	Like a Promised Sunrise (Part 3)
	by J.W.SMITH


	It was decided that I would drop Judd off on campus and I would go
shopping in several of my favorite stores it that area, including groceries
from Gelson's.  Three hours later I pulled into the lot where I had left
him. He was sitting on the lawn talking to a beautiful young woman with
short curly raven- black hair.

	I looked her over as I got out of the Jeep and walked toward
them. She was slender as a young boy. No noticeable breasts. She was
dressed in jeans and a short blouse that left her midriff bare. Her skin
was pale ivory. Her face was pixyish, straight little nose, a rose bud
mouth and huge brown eyes. She could have passed as a fourteen year old
boy.

	She looked up at me as I approached.

	"This man walking toward us has to be your uncle. He looks just
like you." I heard her say.

	Judd twisted around and smiled.

	"That's him"

	He stood and offered her a hand and pulled her to her feet.  She
was a tiny little thing. Maybe five feet tall at the most.


	"Jace, this is Annie. Annie, my Uncle Jace."

	"Hi Uncle Jace." She said, grinning impishly.

	I bowed to her.

	"Miz Annie, I am honored to make your acquaintance." I said with a
John Wayne drawl. She giggled.

	"She taking some of the same courses I am. She is planning on
writing, too." He said.

	I nodded. Annie studied us. Judd had moved to my side as he had
made the introductions.

	"You guys make a way cool couple.  I think that's so neat." She
said.

	I think my mouth fell open. I was speechless.

	"Thanks Annie. I think you are cool, too." Judd said. "Look, I'll
call you. I'm sure Jace has places to go."

	He grabbed my arm and steered me toward the car. I looked back and
Annie waved at me.

	"What did she mean, Judd? What did you tell her, that she would
make a comment like that?"

	I unlocked the Jeep and we got in.

	"We just talked, Jace. It's no big deal."

	"What's no big deal? Did you tell her?" I gulped.  "That we're
lovers? What?"

	"You're over reacting. We just hit it off right away. She told me
she's having difficulties with her girl friend. And I told her that I want
to be your lover. I do, Jace."

	I looked at him. The pleading sincerity in his expression wilted my
anger. He could see that I was giving way. He continued.

	"I want you to take me in your arms and tell me you love me. I want
you to fuck me, Jace. I want to feel you inside of me. I love you. If that
upsets you I am sorry. I can't help how I feel."

	I was overcome with the desire to do what ever would make him
happy. If he wanted me to hold him, by God nothing would keep me from doing
it. I reached over and pulled him to me. I wrapped my arms around him and
held him tight.

	"You make me fucking crazy, Judd. If you want my love you have
it. I don't believe in love at first sight, but when I saw you walk off
that plane something snapped inside me. I can't fight it. I love you,
Judd. And I'm going to fuck you until you walk bowlegged. I'm going to ram
my cock so far up your beautiful little ass that your tonsils will be
tickled. And then you're going to do the same to me. Let's go home." I told
him. He chuckled.

	I started the Jeep, backed out of the parking space and headed out
to the street.  Judd sat back and studied me. He had a self- satisfied
smirk on his face.

	"What?" I asked.

	He shook his head and grinned.

	"You gave in way too easy. I was sure I was going to have to woo
you at least a week." He said.
	Something in the way he said it hit me like a bucket of ice
water. I pulled over and parked.  I felt like the cycle of head-games that
Ken used to play was starting again.

	"Are you playing games with me? I don't play games, Judd."

	"What are you talking about?" He asked.

	"This whole thing of 'Let's seduce Uncle Jace.' Was it just a ploy?
'Let's see how long it takes to get him into bed. He's a real sucker for my
good looks. I bet it won't be hard to get into his pants.' Is that your
fucking game, Judd? I let myself fall in love once and I'm still hurting
from it. I'll be damned if you will hurt me, too, you chicken shit
asshole. Go play your games on someone else."

	I crashed onto the steering wheel. I was bleeding inside. He laid a
hand on my shoulder.  I shrugged it off.

	"I was only teasing, Jace. I didn't mean anything by it. God!
Someone really messed you up bad. I wouldn't play games like that. Please
believe me."

	He ran his hand up and down my back. I was beginning to feel
foolish. I had badly overreacted. Damn Ken to Hell. It had been four years
since he had walked out of my life; I was still letting him jerk me around,
and I was still in pain. Goddam, I was still one-fucked-up- shit.

	"Jace, look at me, please."

	I raised my head and turned toward him. God, he is beautiful. I
wanted to reach over and take him back in my arms. But the fear inside me
bound my hands. He had tears rolling down his face. The cynic in me rose to
the surface.  Was he a really good actor or was he was sincere? Or maybe
both? Ken had really destroyed my trust in love and lovers. I didn't know
if I could allow that trust to be rebuilt. Could I stop being the cynic? I
knew that my cynicism could destroy any chance I had with Judd.  But----

	"Jace," He broke into my racing thoughts. "I'll never play games
with your emotions. I love you, man. I could never intentionally hurt
you. I've never submitted to any man. I've never wanted to. But I want to
for you. Only you, Jace."

	His eyes never wavered from mine. I believed him. I raised a hand
to his face and caressed his cheek.

	"I'm sorry. It's just that the one and only time I let myself love,
he destroyed my trust with his head games."

	He laid his head into my hand. It reminded me of the loving trust
my cats have for me. No matter how loudly I yell at them, they immediately
come back offering me love. My heart felt like it might burst. I was scared
shitless. I wanted him to hold me. I wanted to run away as fast as my legs
could carry me. I wanted ---. God, how I wanted what he was saying to be
true.

	"Judd, I buried the hurt and ignored it. Your coming into my life
has made it all resurface. I've got to deal with it. I want to love you. I
don't know if I can, like you deserve. I want to try, but I'm scare
shitless."

	"Let's go home. We need to do a lot of talking."  He said.

	I started the jeep and headed back toward downtown. It was one of
the longest drives of my life. We were both wrapped up in our own thoughts,
as I drove out of Brentwood, back through Beverly Hills and Hollywood into
Los Angeles. When we got home, I went in and made a pot of coffee. I
offered Judd a mug. He took it and wandered over to the living room
window. He leaned against the sill and gazed out over the city. I mixed my
sludge and sat down in a club chair. I laid my head back and stared at the
ceiling. My thoughts were fragmented.

	Judd would occasionally glance at me and then turn back to the
view.  God, the mental anguish.  When Ken had announced he was moving to
New York, I had closed down my emotions to keep the pain away and until now
I had not dared to open them back up. I had built my whole life around that
relationship. I had thought we would grow old together. I thought I knew
Ken as I knew myself, but I had been deceived. Maybe I had deceived myself,
made myself believe things that weren't true. I don't know. But now, four
years later, it was still festering and I was still in pain from it all. I
had to cauterize the wound and let it heal if I was going to have any kind
of trusting relationship with Judd. These were thoughts I should be
expressing out loud to Judd. I couldn't; they'd been cocooned too long.

	I raised my head and looked at him. He was all that one could
possibly want in a man, in a lover. And I was so afraid I would get hurt
again, and that I might hurt him.

	"Why would you pick a fucked up shit like me to love?" My voice was
gravelly. "You could have you pick of the world. Why me?"

	He didn't move. He continued to gaze out the window. I was
beginning to wonder if he had heard me or was ignoring me. Finally he
spoke. He stared out the window.

	"I think we may have a choice in who we don't love, but none in who
we do love. Being you're my uncle I would never choose to love you like I
do. Like the bumper sticker says, 'Shit Happens.' I just have to deal with
it. You may be a fucked up shit, but I love you. I don't think I have any
choice in the matter. I am just going to have to deal with it, and you."

	He paused continuing to look out the window.

	"I've never gone through an experience like this before." He paused
in thought. "I've never wanted anything so much, as I want you to love
me. If you can't--- Well, I guess I'm man enough to deal with it and move
on. Right now, I can't imagine ever feeling this way about another human
being."

	He took a sip of coffee, set the mug on the table next to him and
walked across the room to the bathroom. He didn't look my direction. I
heard the water running in the sink. I pushed myself up out of the chair
and walk toward the bath. Judd came out with his hair wet around the edges
of his face. I stopped, and he walked up to me.

	I know I must have looked like death warmed over, I damned well
felt that way. The skin that comes with being a towhead shows every
emotion. I knew I was washed out, I know I was deathly white with
red-rimmed eyes, that's how we Deasons are when we are emotionally
stressed. He wrapped his arms around me and gently held me for a moment and
then stepped back to wipe my face with a cool wet cloth.

	"Before I can start walking bow legged we're going to have to deal
with your demon. You want to tell me about him?"  He asked.  I nodded.

	"Come on, lets get comfortable."

	He tossed the cloth towards the bathroom door. He led me over to
the sofa. I was feeling like he was the adult and I was the kid. I guess in
my condition that was where I needed to be. He pushed me down on one end,
moved to the other and settled in, facing me.

	"What was his name?" He prompted.

	"Ken Walker. I met him soon after I came out here, at UCLA. He was
a senior. I think he was twenty-four at the time. I was barely twenty. He
was from West Hollywood and I was just a naïve country boy from Pecos,
Texas. We seemed to click from the moment we met. Within two months we were
living together.

	"After he graduated, he went to work for an advertising
agency. Things begin to change between us. I was in school most of the
time. And he worked. When I graduated, I immediately got a writing job on a
sitcom. I was working sixteen hours a day, six days a week. We didn't see
much of each other. One night I came home and he informed me that he was
moving to New York. I told him I was sure I could transfer, too.  He said
to not bother. He had met aman from there he would be moving in with. That
was the end of five years of my life."

	Judd looked at me. I couldn't read the expression. It was like his
face had closed down. The lights had been turned off. There was no one
home. I wondered if he was seeing me.

	"End of story." He said. His voice was flat, emotionless.

	He grimaced as he got up and walked back to the edge of the
window. He had his hands stuffed in his pockets. I could feel the anger
building in him. I knew why. Hell, I had just handed him a bag full of
bones. I was feeling guilty for having done it. I had told him earlier that
I don't play games and that exactly what I was doing. He wasn't having any
part of it.  It's just so hard for me to share my emotions. But I had to
try.

	"I worshiped the ground Ken walked on. For the first two years of
our life together, I thought he felt the same. I think that he was really
trying to make our relationship work. Now I'm not sure he was capable of
really loving anyone completely. Being gay at a young age in West
Hollywood, he must have become jaded with sex very early.

	"I was not enough to satisfy him. I tried to be. But by the third
year I realized I couldn't be that new face, that new cock, that hot new
body in his bed. He began to pay mind games. He would build me up and then
pull the entire floor out from under me. I was nothing more that a country
hick that he could manipulate as he wanted. He did and I let him.  He was
bored with me. And that was more painful to realize than his finally
leaving.

	"I wished that I had the balls to get up and leave him. But I
didn't have much self-esteem. He had pretty much destroyed me emotionally.
I had no ego, or pride left. I had allowed myself to be walked on so much,
that when he left--- I didn't even get angry. I guess I had pretty much
developed a slave mentality. I should have learned to hate him. I only
resented that he used me and that I allowed it. He had me convinced that I
was nothing without him. And when he left, I felt like nothing for a long
time. I closed my being in a shell. I worked. I went home and slept and
went back to work."

	Judd was now sitting on the edge of the sofa next to me, our knees
touching. I realized he was holding my hand and studying me intently. I had
no idea of when he had move from the window to the sofa.

	"Netta was the only one there for me. She kept working on me,
building my self-image back up. I learned to take pride in myself and in my
accomplishments.  She kept working on me until I finally got up the courage
to go on dates that she set up. The fellows were nice enough and all were
very good looking. It was a flop. I couldn't respond. After the fifth one I
didn't try it again. I closed my shell and no one got close to me. Netta
finally gave up." Judd squeezed my hand.  I stood and walked across the
room. I couldn't look at him.

	"And then you came into my life.  In two days you had shattered my
shell. And I've let you. I've hidden from the pain for four years. I'm
frightened. I want to trust you. I don't know if I can. I don't know how."

	It took an effort to force each sentence out of my mouth. I was
shaking like I had been affected by ague. I had never done anything so
difficult in my life. I wanted to hide in a nice warm dark place where
nothing could hurt me, most of all where Judd couldn't get to me. I had
given him the power to destroy me. I was completely vulnerable. I wondered
if he knew it.
	I was quivering like a dog that had been beaten its whole life; my
tail tucked between my legs. I was shaking so hard that I could barely
stand .I was barely aware of his proximity, and I jumped like I had been
hit with an electric current when he put a hand on the back of my neck and
caressed down my back. He enfolded me in his arms. I was a wet rag, not a
bone in my body. I collapsed back against him. He ran his hand up and down
my chest, making soothing sounds.

	He lifted me and walked to the bed. I know I weigh at least fifty
pounds more than he does; yet he carried me like I was a child. He sat me
down and knelt in front of me and removed my shoes. He lifted my legs and
turned me, forcing me to lie down. He quickly lay down beside me, pressing
every part of his body against me. Still he hadn't said a word; he just
made soothing sounds. I began to calm down. Only an occasional shudder
wracked my body. I eventually drifted in to a narcotic-like sleep.

	When I awakened, I was naked under the covers. Judd was lying
against me, as he had been when I fell asleep, except that he was on top of
the covers, still clothed. The clock read 1:14. I had slept for almost nine
hours. I lifted his arm and slid away from him, managing to rouse both cats
as I rolled off the bed.

	I felt like I had been drugged. My mind was heavy with too much
sleep. I peed and wandered into the kitchen.  I turned on a light under the
cabinet, checked and saw that the cats had been fed.  I made a pot of
coffee.  While it was dripping, I wandered to the foot of the bed and
studied Judd in the semi-darkness.

	He had rolled onto his back with his right arm flung above his
head. The fingers of his other hand were hooked in the fly of his 501s. In
sleep he looked so very, very young. His forelock hung over his face. There
was a slight smile on his lips. I wondered if he was dreaming about
me. Damn, he was just so beautiful it pained me to look at him.


And there still more!
 You may flame me or what ever at js.collection@verizon.net